NIGHTOCUPS's SparkPeople Blog NIGHTOCUPS's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Pudendal Neuralgia Hello friends, It's been a long time since I've posted. Over the past almost two years I have struggled with a health problem. The first five doctors I saw didn't believe me when I told them my problem and said I needed to go to therapy to talk out my repressed sexual issues. 🙄 The fifth Doctor finally did believe me and sent me to my sixth Doctor who diagnosed me with pudendal neuralgia in November 2016, nearly a full year after my symptoms first manfested. Pudendal neuralgia is a pinchi... Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:40:28 EST Up and Down The week before I lost 3.5 lbs. Then last week happened. I got slammed with a huge medical bill (I'm perfectly healthy, jerk doctor) and then my car died so I had to get a new one. This all triggered an episode of depression that I'm still trying to get over. But the 3.5 lbs came back and I missed my January goal even though I had beat it the week before. Yeah I'm not happy at all. Tue, 2 Feb 2016 11:00:04 EST Milestone Achieved Today I stepped on the scale and found that I had finally hit a huge milestone for me. I have lost 51 lbs from my highest weight. I still have a long way to go, but now I am 11 lbs away from Onederland and that's going to be a great victory too. Sun, 24 Jan 2016 22:46:46 EST Goals Today I wrote down all my health goals for 2016 and shared them with my family. I think goals are a better term for them rather than resolutions which seem to have a connotation of failure. I've set my goals, shared them with loved ones, and established rewards. I think I'm on the right track. Sun, 10 Jan 2016 19:58:38 EST Gym? I'm debating whether or not to join Planet Fitness again. I really want to use the weight machines and the treadmills so I can run. I'd like to be able to run a marathon, even in private, before the end of the year. Sat, 9 Jan 2016 14:15:13 EST In the pit After a horrible altercation Monday I'm mentally back where I was 4 years ago. So much for progress. Wed, 6 Jan 2016 18:10:05 EST Walking the dogs I'm finally feeling ok if I only walk the dogs as my exercise for the day. We try to go on a 10 minute walk twice a day because it's so good for them and for so long that didn't feel like enough for me. But maybe some days it is. Tue, 5 Jan 2016 18:48:12 EST Sundays I hate Sundays. They're filled with existential loathing and melancholy. Sun, 3 Jan 2016 22:17:47 EST Spark Goodies and Awards I normally don't come on the main Spark People website. Instead I use the app for pretty much everything that I do with Spark People. I see a lot of the content that I need, but not much of the fun extras such as being sent Goodies. Let me tell you right now I am so glad that I checked today. I received two Goodies from the GLBT Spark Team Network. It let me know that I had exceeded the team goals. I also took a look at my Awards Page for the month and was floored. I logged over 2,000 minutes... Mon, 3 Aug 2015 22:09:12 EST Biggest Loser Power Walk Today for the first time ever, I completed a Biggest Loser workout video. I wish I was happier about this huge accomplishment. Unfortunately I didn't lose any weight this week. I maintained, but that's still not good enough for me. The next week I'm entering the fourth week of Biggest Loser Cardio Blast and I'm going to start the Power Walk again too. It's recommended to do them together. On top of this I spend about 55 minutes a day walking my dogs. I know it's a crapshoot sometimes for weig... Sun, 26 Jul 2015 14:28:34 EST Anxiety Attacks That's my new thing apparently. Get over depression and BOOM have some anxiety to replace that. For the most part the anxiety meds I've been given have worked wonders. But about once a month they decide to not work for about a day. Today gets to be that day. I was so messed up that they sent me home from work. I'm so ashamed and embarrassed by it. I'm a good worker, I know how to work well and these attacks turn me into a blubbering piece of crap. No one wants to deal with that. I know it's o... Mon, 1 Dec 2014 13:31:34 EST Happy Thanksgiving! First off thank you to everyone. I'm excited beyond belief for this play. It's something to look forward to and motivate me. I've already been practicing the ASL alphabet and working on memorizing lines. This is what I've wanted for so long and now it's finally happening I can hardly believe it. I'll also need to work on my Alabama dialect, but again another fun thing to look forward to. <BR> <BR> I've been reading a lot of motivation article on Spark People. I had forgotten how much this ... Thu, 27 Nov 2014 15:00:24 EST I GOT IN A PLAY!!!! I've been cast in a production of "The Miracle Worker" at one of the local theatres in town. I'm still in shock and excited as all get out. <BR> <BR> In other news: I tracked my food everyday this week and I exercised everyday. I'm feeling pretty proud of what I've done. Sun, 23 Nov 2014 22:55:19 EST Introducing the Bear <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is my Teddy at rest. It's funny, Teddy is so active that I decided that one Teddy at rest is enough to power a city the size of New York for one year. A Teddy active can power a country the size of Germany. Only 5 Teddys is equal to the sun. His energy and spunk for life is an inspiration. He always wants to dance, play, and be crazy so moments like this are rare and very nice. Did I mention when he barks he ... Thu, 20 Nov 2014 13:27:59 EST The Philosophy of Teddy Positive thinking for all intents and purposes appears to be the most obvious thing to do. It keeps you looking for the good and helps you to overcome things. And yet I've always looked at positive thinking as unrealistic. Why sugar coat the world and go through it like a Pollyanna? It has never made sense to me to think positively about myself. Things are terrible, be honest about it. I have a rebuttal for everything good in my life and why I don't deserve it or how it's not really as a resu... Wed, 19 Nov 2014 12:12:53 EST Like a Duck One of the things I really want to work on is letting things slide off my back more easily. I've always been a type A personality. Everything must be in order in this specific way or everything is ruined forever. Yesterday I had a panic attack because I didn't get up at the exact hour I felt I was supposed to to exercise. I've never been an afternoon exerciser. It just didn't feel "right" for me. In the end I did have my workout in the afternoon and - shock and awe! - it was perfect. I had o... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 15:39:45 EST What worked the first time. When I first started losing weight, really losing it there were several things that I did that helped me to lose 42 lbs. <BR> <BR> 1. Obsessively use spark people. I did my best to earn 100 points everyday. Now that's pretty easy, so why not 200 - 500 points a day? <BR> 2. Track my food. I tracked everything. <BR> 3. Workout out videos. I have a gym membership now and I hardly use it. But what really got me moving were the workout videos I did. <BR> <BR> I've gained back 14 lbs. This is no... Fri, 14 Nov 2014 20:56:14 EST Using Spark People Again Been gone for awhile, but I had more success losing weight when I used it then not. Fortunately I've been bouncing in the 220's since last October so it's not terrible. Just need to get out of this to feel that I'm finally losing again. Thu, 24 Jul 2014 13:58:48 EST Wat So I think my scale is insane or I'm just weighing myself at bad times because now it says that I'm 224.5lbs. There is no way that I lost 4.5lbs in 3 days. Shark week maybe? Either way I think that my weight is going to be a bit weird for the next check in and I don't want to look like I'm cheating because right now, yeah, it looks like I'm cheating. I'm eating regularly. Body, get your act together! Also it be nice to break this plateau too. I've been at about 220/222 for about 5 months now.... Thu, 20 Feb 2014 14:08:44 EST BLC 21 I don't know how many of these challenges I've done so far. I've never completed any of them. So I guess the first goal is to actually complete one of these challenges. I've recently hit a plateau and gained back 9 of the 42 pounds I lost. Pretty mad at myself for that one. Still some big changes, new job, new puppy. So the outline of goals for this challenge is as follows: <BR> <BR> 1. Complete the challenge. <BR> 2. Lose the 9 pounds I gained. <BR> 3. Track my food everyday. <BR> 4. Work... Wed, 19 Feb 2014 09:45:04 EST For the points Saw Catching Fire last night, it was the most intense movie I've seen all year. Sat, 23 Nov 2013 12:43:41 EST New Plan So the past few months have been super busy and guess what? They aren't going to get any less busy. So instead of putting stuff off to "a better time," I'm just going to adjust and add everything that I need to be healthy. I made the plan last night using My Wonderful Goals app. The only drawback so far is that I get horribly sick after I exercise in the morning. My stomach has always been a source of issue for me. Get up too early, get sick. Stay up too late, get sick. It's always been irreg... Fri, 22 Nov 2013 09:05:50 EST Burn Out Trying to avoid that as best as possible. Been working so much and been under a lot of stress about things and thinking about other things so I'm not sure what's going to happen or how to keep up the pep. Just got to burn through it. Fri, 4 Oct 2013 17:59:03 EST October! Goals for October: <BR> <BR> 1. Walk Lucy everyday, either a short 10 minute walk or a long 40 minute walk. <BR> 2. Complete the Biggest Loser Jump Start Workout challenge <BR> 3. Drink 8 glasses of water a day <BR> 4. Be up everyday by 6:30 am. <BR> 4. Complete 10 dolls <BR> 5. Study French and Spanish everyday. <BR> 6. Practice the tarot everyday. <BR> 7. Tidy my living space for 10 minutes everyday. <BR> <BR> I've got a couple of apps that will help me stay on track and I hope that thi... Tue, 1 Oct 2013 09:35:22 EST 400 Miles Apparently in 3 years I've walked over 400 miles. That is so mind blowing that I can't even comprehend it fully. My body, has done that. That is amazing. Mon, 30 Sep 2013 00:19:12 EST Sick I think I'm going to let myself take a little break. I've been working a lot and I have a lot of other things that need to be taken care of. Also having some anxiety issues. Oh well, tomorrow is a new day. Tue, 24 Sep 2013 13:38:40 EST Fall So here we are in Fall! First off I had a great weekend working at Vala's Pumpkin Patch. I did the Dragon Show all weekend and it was super fun. Between shows I walked the farm looking for garbage to pick up and being available to help patrons. If you're in the area you should stop by and say hi. I work the Dragon Show on the weekend and during the week I'll be working at various food services areas including the brand new Sundown Marshmallow Roast. I'm so excited! Being outside in the fresh ... Mon, 23 Sep 2013 10:59:05 EST Fall Shows With the start of fall there's another big event in the air: new season of my favorite shows and new shows to check out and possibly watch. Since I do enjoy a lot of television, last year I clocked in about 9 hours a week spent watching my favorite shows, I had a thought. Rather then sitting on my duff for all of those 9 hours, why not put in some workouts? I've seen people on other websites and I think it would be fun to do this for my favorite shows. There will also be some movies thrown i... Fri, 20 Sep 2013 11:42:07 EST Still Can't Believe Yesterday Yesterday was truly one of the best days of my life. In August I tweeted Irish actor Fra Fee a crocheted fan art piece of the character he played in Les Miserables 2012. He responded positively and asked for one, so I made him one and sent it to his agency in the hopes that they would pass it on to him. Yesterday I was checking the tracking number of the package just to see if maybe it had reached its destination. Well there wasn't any update so I just sort of went, meh, that happens. How oft... Tue, 17 Sep 2013 11:52:51 EST Strange So I gained back 2 lbs. That's not so strange, shark week was last week so it's to be expected. The strange thing is waking up to a gorgeous morning after 8 hours of restful sleep and the first thing I feel is a panic attack. Beautiful mornings give me panic attacks. What is up with that? It makes zero sense. Mon, 16 Sep 2013 13:44:06 EST Walking Got a chance to get up and walk Lucy at the crack of dawn. It was really nice with the air so cool and we saw two bunnies. Fri, 13 Sep 2013 13:04:19 EST Got to Work Today! It was fantastic being able to go to work. I did shipment so I listened to Beautiful Creatures on my iPod. That is doing wonders for getting over my book slump. The weather has cooled down too so when I got back from work Lucy and I took a long walk. We saw 5 other puppies walking with their parents. The breeze was refreshing and everything felt fantastic! Thu, 12 Sep 2013 20:42:33 EST Feeling Better Had a bit of an illness yesterday, but I'm feeling better today. Still taking it easy though and drinking all of my water. Mmm, water. <em>194</em> Wed, 11 Sep 2013 19:10:41 EST Finding Work It's really hard having a job and yet never getting to work. My hours are constantly being cut and there's no way anyone can live on a two digit paycheck. I keep applying to places for full time work and yet I keep getting rejected. Most of my work experiences is in retail and I have a Master's degree. Both of these things are working against me completely. No one wants to pay someone who has a master's degree and no one wants to hire someone whose experience is primarily in retail. Not that ... Tue, 10 Sep 2013 11:37:15 EST BLC #19 WUB: 32.5 lbs Gone! I'm amazed and know not what to say, but I'll try to say something anyway. Here are the things that I believe have really helped for me to consistently lose two pounds a week for the past month. <BR> <BR> 1. Making my Les Mis dolls. I've made 11 dolls since mid August. By keeping my hands busy creating the dolls this has made my desire to snack less. Who wants to get food particles over nice dolls? Not me that's for sure. Furthermore I have a lot of dolls planned not only for Les Mis (I have... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 13:26:47 EST Good Morning! It's 3:18 in the morning.... <BR> So no not a real good morning. I went to bed at 10:30 last night. Figured I'd start a habit of getting a good night's sleep. Did a night time ritual, shower, drink some tea, even took some melatonin, before hitting on the ambient sound maker and going to bed. That should work right? Well a little over 5 hours later I am still awake. That's right. I've spent the last 5 hours in bed tossing and turning. So I figured, go on Spark People, start your day, your bod... Sat, 7 Sep 2013 04:21:47 EST Food Tracking I just switched my tracking so it includes the calories that I burned for exercise. I really like it. I found that I'm eating less and am able to say no to things more often and not feel like I'm missing out or anything. Also always eating at the dinner table is a habit that is really helping me to focus on what I'm eating and making the entire experience something to savor. Fri, 6 Sep 2013 11:07:51 EST Why I am Infinitely Wealthy 1. I can read. I have used that skill non stop since first grade to devour every book that has crossed my path. I'm not sure of the total books I've read in my lifetime, I'm sure it's over 1,000 by now. Those stories, characters, and the information I have learned have shaped who I am. And I am more than the amount of money I have. <BR> 2. I have had many pets that have brightened my life and brought me comfort and joy. Their infinite love is something that no one can put a price tag on. <BR... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 14:49:35 EST Poverty Level While applying for jobs today I made a fun discovery. I'm super below the poverty level. Well that's fun. I already knew that I wouldn't be able to survive by not living with my family. Yet all the social pressures that are put upon me and all the shame that gets thrown on me as well is just so frustrating. I have a Masters Degree, no one will hire me. At work I rarely make 15 hours, let alone 20 a week just above minimum wage. My bills are 7x what I make in a month. I want to go back to scho... Wed, 4 Sep 2013 22:33:01 EST Super Stressed Work has not been pleasant lately. Some very negative things have happened lately and my anxiety about them will not go away despite reassurance. I feel like I'm walking the same road again and there's nothing I can do again. I feel like I'm going to be sick at every turn. That along with all the bills that are 7x what I make in a month and my car deciding to go on the fritz isn't helping either. As always it feels like I'm trapped. Hope you guys are having a better day. Tue, 3 Sep 2013 11:10:24 EST Hello September! I'm not sure what it is, but I'm really feeling that this month is going to be good. I did my measurements today and here's what I got: I'm down to 231.5. That's about 5ish pounds lost in August. I've also lost 7.5 inches total off my body. Both of these are huge accomplishments for me. My clothes are super loose and I'm feeling really confident about what I can do. My goals this month include the following: <BR> 1. To be down to the low 220s by the end of the month. If I make it to 219 that... Sun, 1 Sep 2013 12:14:21 EST Exhausted This is what I get for working the most I've worked in nearly 3 years, not sleeping, not eating, and spending all my free time making dolls. Which are awesome I might add. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> I have about There are things though that I need to keep doing: paying bills (which involves looking at the little money I do have and having a massive anxiety attack), looking for a second job/full time work (at this point I'm flinging my res... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 10:59:23 EST WUB 1 for BLC #19 So far this week I've lost 2.5 lbs which is pretty amazing. I've completed one doll and started another. I just wish I didn't feel bad when I get up in the morning. It really dampens the rest of the day no matter what occurs. Fri, 16 Aug 2013 10:19:55 EST Less than 100 lbs to Go! This week has been pretty unhealthy in my opinion, but apparently I'm doing better than I thought I was. Stepping on the scale this morning it had gone down 2.5 lbs! This puts me at 99.5 lbs away from the low end of my goal weight. I didn't think it would ever happen, but Onederland seems closer than ever now. This month I wanted to get out of the 230's and make it to the 220's for September and that might actually happen! In other news I'm trying to be more active and meet new people. Last n... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 11:09:27 EST Enjolras Doll This has nothing to do with weight loss, but I'm sharing because I'm so proud of him. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> He took 7 hours and is made from yarn, fiber fill, and safety eyes. The character is from Les Miserables and he's the leader of the revolutionaries. I plan on making all the characters from that musical into dolls. So excited! The pupplette in the background is the often mentioned Lucy. Wed, 14 Aug 2013 10:57:43 EST Job Hunting Not that I don't have a job now. It's just not the best one in the world. So I continue to look for full time employment that might allow me to do more than pay my bills. Wouldn't that be a dream. Mon, 12 Aug 2013 13:46:26 EST BLC #19 This is my third time doing the BLC and I'm looking forward to it. Sun, 11 Aug 2013 23:25:46 EST The Gut I have such a disconnect with my gut. It feels like an invasive creature that's sucking all the potential happiness from me. This especially happens when I do exercises that have me on the ground, push ups, sit ups and the like. It's there like a blob, hanging down saying "You're disgusting and no one will ever want you. Who would after seeing this part of you?" I want it gone and I'm afraid no matter what I do it never will be. Wed, 7 Aug 2013 11:42:54 EST Two Week Motivation This seems to be how long my motivation is in high gear before it peters out and I'm back to my old habits. It's been about two weeks now and while I continue to try and do what needs to be done I don't feel the same enthusiasm I did previously. Thoughts? Tue, 6 Aug 2013 19:29:45 EST Thanks Thank you all for the tips yesterday. I really appreciate it. Mon, 5 Aug 2013 11:43:28 EST