NEWTINK's SparkPeople Blog NEWTINK's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Exhausted temptations When I started this process some three years back now I did it like the show " the biggest looser". I was alone in New Orleans with just the hubs . I spent 98 % of my time alone . In that time I fashioned my life around that alone time and it was so much easier . Once I moved back To Mississippi things became a little more difficult but I over came them . Things have changed and I am struggling not with my program but with my will power and my mental anguish. <BR> <BR> When my oldest son... Sun, 13 Sep 2015 22:16:42 EST The big five of the last 8 weeks !!! It has been the summer challenge for the Casual Travelers and the 5% challenge . This challenge has been a little different as it has really paid attention to Nutrition as a whole . So in eight weeks I have looked closely at my nutrition and my eating habits . <BR> <BR> First off I have found that I am still very much a stress muncher . As the stress grows in my life the more I tend to munch and not so much meals . As sad as it is to say Sometimes it seems like I am stuffing something in m... Sat, 15 Aug 2015 17:36:36 EST Back then Recently I was thinking about what fitness as become to me . This week I have been redesigning a comprehensive strength and cardio program I will be starting on Monday . Man , it is a lot of work to design one of these plans . It takes research and time to make sure that you are getting the right exercises for the right muscle groups . It takes time to decide what cardio will be done on each day within your own limitations . All this led me to back when fitness was just what we called fun . ... Fri, 14 Aug 2015 08:47:45 EST Fun ? hmmm maybe not This morning as I was signing up for the Summer 5% challenge . I went to the introduction thread. But I couldnt fill it out. I can tell you who I am but most know me already. I will eventually fill it out but some of the questions got me to thinking . Two fun facts about You ? what do you do for fun ? <BR> <BR> The truth of the matter is I dont think there is anything fun about me. I have a great sense of humor but that is wrapped up in a whole bunch of seriousness. In my world I have to be... Mon, 1 Jun 2015 07:12:03 EST Possibly the funnest workout ever ! I grew up in a world of boys . I am the only girl of three children. I have two brothers and two sons. I have two grandsons . See what I mean there isnt a lot of girlie junk in my world. I can be and am very famine but I also am very tough and strong . <BR> <BR> Growing up I watched boxing and football with my dad and brothers. I am not scared of getting dirty and sweaty but I absolutely hate to break a nail lol . As most know my workouts are designed by me to make me sweat. I am never ima... Wed, 8 Apr 2015 15:43:51 EST just random update It has been a while so i thought I would post a updated blog. <BR> <BR> I am still having knee issues that are not likely going to go away anytime soon. I can not have an MRI because my insurance wont cover it and the hospital wants 5000 up front for it. I dont have that kind of money. So until I figure something out I will just handle it the best way I can. <BR> <BR> In March I started " BE lean" at my gym . That is a program where I meet with a small group twice a week to do HIIT. We t... Sat, 4 Apr 2015 05:50:03 EST Hippity Hop For your heart and pics . March the 21st was the Hipity Hop for your heart 5K in Lucedale Ms. It was an important one to me because I was walking with my brother. I was hurting because of a knee thing but there was no way I wasnt walking with him . Randy is my everything , he has been the constant in my life since the day I was born. He never ask anything of me so when he asked me to walk this with him the only answer was yes. <BR> <BR> Neither of us knew the route till we were walking it . It was a lot of hills a... Wed, 25 Mar 2015 19:02:14 EST I am DONE ! To say 2015 started out horrible is a vast understatement. There have been lots of on going issues in my personal life a lot of which I choose not to discuss here on spark people However the little I have talked about I really appreciate the support that I have received. Having said that it is time for a change. I am DONE !!! <BR> <BR> I am done with all the daily stress interring with my personal goals. <BR> I am done with rearranging my schedule so to accommodate everyone else. <BR> I... Tue, 10 Mar 2015 18:48:56 EST outsmart your appetite I get a weekly newsletter from my gym it is called " keeping fit is a lifestyle" . This weeks was particularly interesting because it dealt with 10 ways outsmart hunger and cravings. So I thought I would share it in my blog and also to have it as a reference point. <BR> <BR> Healthy Lifestyle Tip: 10 Ways to Outwit Your Appetite <BR> Follow these ingenious tips to keep your appetite under wraps: <BR> 1.Feed it protein for breakfast. You'll be less hungry later on. <BR> 2.Make it climb a fl... Fri, 6 Mar 2015 11:26:30 EST new Resolutions It is New Year's Eve and we are suppose to be thinking of the next year and what or where we wont it go . People will start settling on the New Year Resolutions. A resolution is something you want to change or end. I stopped making New Year Resolutions a few years back and Now I make New Life Resolutions. <BR> <BR> New year resolutions are defeating. You set the most unrealistic goals for yourself. You have any plan to reach them and then when the first bump comes along you beat yourself up... Wed, 31 Dec 2014 08:04:51 EST Catching up for 5% So this is a catch all blog to see if I can catch up on several things all at once. In the next week or so we will be starting up the 5 % winter challenge and I am way behind on the pre challenge activities <BR> . Always there is a need to prepare for the eight week challenge. Preparation is the key to success in the search to loose weight. <BR> <BR> During the challenge my exercise plan will consist of cardio at least 45 minutes a day. I will do various HIIT at least three times a week. ... Tue, 30 Dec 2014 08:51:15 EST 12 Trophies of hope I woke up early this morning. Well it isnt early to me but to the rest of the world it is early. Yesterday I took down that tree and literally threw it out of the door. Putting and end once and for all to the Christmas season of 2014. This month brought lots of gifts and not all of them were of the glitter and sparkle variety However this morning I was awarded with the last christmas gift of the year. <BR> <BR> Last January I bought me a spark tracker. This little black pebble is just like ... Sat, 27 Dec 2014 06:37:31 EST A humbling year In the grand scheme of things I dont believe my life is much worst than others. However having said that I really need 2014 to end.. Everything has seemed to be compounded here at the end. Money issues , marital issues, car troubles more work hours and the loss of a special friend who I depended on more than I thought. But the year keeps giving and I have now woke up with the onset to a cold or something. It is hard to breath and the coughing and sneezing will drive you insane but I am not g... Mon, 22 Dec 2014 07:42:47 EST possibly an answer I started out this year with a serious skin issue. They called it stress induced eczema, As the year went on several things were added here . I became increasingly moody and depressed, Stomach issues and I have had a headache for most of the year. I stopped going to see my doctor because I honesty believe that she was convinced i was a hypochondriac. All I knew is i never feel good. My body is tired all the time Everything has been a will to do. The doctor said stress, remove stress. Outside ... Sat, 20 Dec 2014 07:15:06 EST functional fitness and beyond lol There are things that I fight so very hard for . I have been through a lot in life some of it shared here some of it not. But I try very hard to stay positive. I never want to be one of those tired old angry people. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning while I was at work i waited on someone from way back in my past. She hasnt changed much at all she is still a very angry spiteful woman. I do manage to muster a smile and a thank you and have a good day while keeping all my composure. She hasnt chan... Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:54:38 EST 10 Golden rays It has been a week of trials for me. Everyday has brought something that I have to deal with and with the loss of the most important part of my support system it has not been very good. However this is not about all that. Earlier in the week i was watching a Holiday program , I dont recall the name it was on HallMark . Mostly for noise in an otherwise quiet house. I caught part of a conversation on the screen. <BR> <BR> On a boxcar there is a homeless man at dawn with a bright stream of gol... Fri, 12 Dec 2014 07:10:29 EST Control issues Most people would tell you that I am a control freak which is probably the most accurate thing they can say. i have to be in a certain amount of control and there has to be order. These very two things have probably led to the reason this year has been so hard for me. <BR> <BR> The loss of control in my personal relationships has been the hardest which led to some health issues that led to the loss of control in my fitness. the loss of control in fitness has led to the loss of control of my... Tue, 9 Dec 2014 13:41:03 EST 11/18 Affirmation Yesterday all goals were met except 10 minutes. On the arc. I only did 3.5 minutes but it was last in the workout and my thighs were toast by then . All in all it was a good day despite an early morning spell with my stomach. Since it has been a while since I did weights I dropped the weighting by half and increased the reps . <BR> <BR> Step goal to reach step goal of 4028 at work in 5 hours . <BR> Gym goal HI IT training along with 20 minutes on bike 5 minutes on arc <BR> Nutrition goal ... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 03:37:03 EST 11/17 Affirmation Taking the step to get back to a centered progress. In the beginning everyday was a goal and affirmation. I taught myself to believe past the pain and doubts. So today we go back to the beginning <BR> <BR> Step goal : to reach my step goal at work in five hours 4028. <BR> Gym goal: 10 minutes on arc, 20 minutes on bike , leg and tabs on machines <BR> Nutrition goal 1300 calories <BR> <BR> Affirmation : What I have validated in myself is real and I don't need the validation of any p... Mon, 17 Nov 2014 03:38:11 EST Thank you Yesterday morning I woke to the honor of being a leader in the spotlight for the 5% challenge. I would like to say thank you to everyone for all your well wishes , thoughts and spark goodies. What very few know is that yesterday I also I had a scope done of my upper GI for stomach issues. Nothing serious was found but it was still a scary procedure to me . I hate when they have to put me to sleep or do anything that concerns my stomach. It was great to have all of you along with me even if y... Fri, 14 Nov 2014 10:48:12 EST Committed The scale read 271.2 this morning. It should after last night small group HIIT. That lady sure believes in squats. I am lucky that my body springs back quickly these days. I have done enough over the last few years that it doesnt hold a grudge any more. <BR> <BR> Today I went for run training and a pool workout. I was thinking back to when I was scared of the gym well really fitness in general. Not that it was going to hurt but that people would make fun of me. But if i may embark a piece ... Wed, 5 Nov 2014 16:51:42 EST Analyze it out This mornings weigh in was 272.4. When you find yourself tempted by things like junk food there is a reason behind it. You dont just suddenly loose your all your will or at least I didnt. For me stress took over and one day i found myself home worrying about marital issues , financial matters my special friend that is having health issues and all that had to be done before my son arrived home. Worrying doesnt fix tomorrow it just robs today. At any rate my stomach was hurting and i needed som... Tue, 4 Nov 2014 10:54:02 EST Confession and forgiveness This morning as i stepped on to the scale and gazed at the red numbers I thought to myself it is time for a confession. The Scale blinked and tossed around the numbers till it finally told me 273.8. This was no surprise to me as it is Monday and for weeks I have been caring on a emotional love affair over the weekends. <BR> <BR> I know shocking , disgraceful and oh so shameful of me. A cheater of all things un natural. It started out innocent enough Just one little fling for old time sake. ... Mon, 3 Nov 2014 11:33:26 EST 10/31 thoughts Every day I get up and spend most of my day puttering around alone. I have grown accustomed to being alone. I use to worry if i wasnt around people because i needed them to validate me as a person. That certainly is not the case any more. When I made the decision to change my weight for good there was so much that I had to change. However there were things that I could not change and that is where the problem is coming in at. <BR> <BR> You can change yourself and views of the world but you ... Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:10:18 EST Motivating the motivator I dont walk with strength. <BR> I dont talk with strength . <BR> I am strong. <BR> <BR> I dont walk with beauty. <BR> I dont talk with beauty. <BR> I am beautiful. <BR> <BR> I dont walk with confidence. <BR> I dont talk with confidence. <BR> I am confident. <BR> <BR> On Thursday I wrote a blog but only a small portion got to read it in entirely because I edited most of it. That is very unlike me since my blog is for me and while talking with Susan from spark people I realized that... Sat, 11 Oct 2014 05:28:22 EST Coffee Please I dont know about everyone else but for me when things are going to good i have this little thought in the back of my mind that goes " steady you know what is coming ". Since my gall bladder attack things have been well lets say going better than normal. And the voice was there and I was like just shut up why dont you. Well it has been a week. for sure . <BR> <BR> On a happy note My grandsons are coming to stay the night tonight . It will be nice to have them here I have so missed them. <... Thu, 9 Oct 2014 16:57:43 EST A champions tale June of 2011 I was scared into making some life changes. Each day since that day I have put all i have into becoming the healthiest me i could possibly be. During the past three years I have pushed, scarified, I have taught myself how to keep going. I have learned to take victory and defeat with the same grain of salt. In October of 2011 I walked my first humiliating 5k walk. I was over 300 pounds and didnt know anything so I walked it with very little training and honestly with the thought i... Sun, 28 Sep 2014 06:49:48 EST The day before !!! Well it is the day before the Tryatlon. What does one do the day before something major? Me well i have declared it a day of rest . I have trained hard and now it is time to let the body chill for a bit before I push it to the extreme tomorrow. <BR> <BR> It is also a day of reflection. This time three years ago my biggest fear was coming to pass I had become that nearly 400 pound person that was headed to something terrible. I have thought back to those first few months when tears flowed li... Fri, 26 Sep 2014 16:49:04 EST Differing Perceptions Loose a pound gain two pounds loose three pounds gain five pounds no one ever said that this was not a roller coaster. Funny how people see you and see things differently. <BR> <BR> I was told recently that if i had some sort of surgery with my fitness level that i would not suffer so much . That this process would be easier. Well first off for over 40 years I made bad choices that lead to my weight problem yes some of it is genetics but i promise there were no feeding tubes over feeding me... Tue, 23 Sep 2014 05:32:47 EST Back to it !!! The past week has been very stressful with lots of unanswered questions to running about. This is a catch you up blog. <BR> <BR> When I started my 5K training my core began to hurt and well I chucked it up to implementing a new thing. I know my core god knows i have done enough work on it. Last Saturday I woke up and my entire core was hard as a brick and pained. Now step out of the core this was not muscle pain this was something else. I went to the clinic and they said that it could be an... Sat, 20 Sep 2014 05:40:25 EST Making The decision !!! After several days of debating and practice runs in the three events of running spinning and swimming. I can complete the given task in about 50 minutes with a moderate pain level to my feet which is nothing out of the normal. So what does this mean. <BR> <BR> This means on September 27th I will be competing In the Tryathlon at the gym. It took so long to decide because like everything else I was scared of failing. And you know what I might fail that day however if I dont try right now th... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 14:18:12 EST Fulfilling Goals Every day I am reminded that I am on a time limit to fulfill some goals. It becomes more evident every day that where my feet are concerned I am literally running out of time. I am focused on obtaining some goals before drastic steps are taken. <BR> <BR> I am at the beginning of the third week of 8-week Rookie running program. The goal is to be able to run a 5K at the end of the training. It is doable and it is obtainable. Every time I have tried to run a 5k i have failed. However, I am... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:46:10 EST just random NSV and stuff So I took a look around my page and realized i have not posted one blog in the month of August that is extreme for me to say the least. This could be for several reasons. There is a lot that has been going on for sure. I have found myself really contemplating my life and where it is and what I think needs to happen to get me to the happiest place for me. The answers have come but I am not prepared to take action on them yet. I believe that I have reached a point in my life where my mind can... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 16:19:24 EST Mirror Mirror Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all !!! Words we use to play with when we were children before the fear and disdain for the mirror took over. As a morbidly obese person I can tell you spent 20 plus years trying every way in the world not to see myself. It has taken a long time to get to a point where i look in the mirror. <BR> <BR> Yesterday at the gym I turned the corner and saw me in a full length mirror and I stopped and just looked at me . No my body is not perf... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 05:16:16 EST BMI When you start out weighing almost 400 pounds ( hard to say ) you dont think of numbers you just think move more eat less. But I had done that before and this time was going to be the hardest since I was going it alone. Succeed or fail it is all on me. I didnt want to have excuses to fail. I didnt want someone to guilt me into something I didnt want to do what I had always done I wanted to be accountable to me. Self accountability is crucial for me for I am the only person that can handle me... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 07:55:58 EST Running Tab I have been up reading for a while now, the product of to much on my mind. I woke exhausted and I am sure that is not going to change during the day either. Since the only place in this house where I want wake anyone is at my desk this is where i am. <BR> <BR> So I was reading through blogs and thinking of a conversation I had with someone about drinking. I don't drink for various reasons: first and foremost is my husband is an alcoholic that there zaps all the fun out of the occasional dr... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 05:37:07 EST Independence day 1776 was the year that America claimed its Independence from all other countries. At the time men fought for our right to be free from tyranny, now men and women fight side by side to ensure that we remain the home of the brave and the land of the free. All those years ago we as a nation drew a line in the sand and said no more. Our country is not perfect ; however, it is still the greatest country in the world and I am very honored and humbled to be able to call myself American. <BR> <BR... Thu, 3 Jul 2014 06:02:41 EST Just catch up !!! So here we are three days before my 44th birthday and I am still not at goal weight still a long way off as a matter of fact. But you know what in the grand scheme of things that doesnt even matte. In the past year I have had injuries, anxiety attacks, depression, stress induced Eczema, Went to a very scary place emotionally; however, I never gave up on me. When faced with each issue I have taken the steps to correct it and move past it. My life isn't perfect but whose is. I have lots of pers... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 17:47:34 EST A new start In the past few months a lot of things have happened. I have to tell you that most of it has not been good. I have been mentally strained and emotionally bankrupt. I have been trying to fix me So now I will share something with you. <BR> <BR> As most know I started seeing a counselor and i said that was to fix me. However, I have come to realize that there is really nothing wrong with me. I lacked immediate support in my home life so I started seeing him just to have someone tell me I coul... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 08:17:29 EST Twilight zone weekend Freeze time : at 2:30 am Friday morning on June 6, 2014 <BR> I wake and stair at the ceiling watching the little lights from the television. I am reasonably calm all things considered. Thursday night I tried and failed again to have the conversation about my unhappiness in my life with my husband who seemed distant and disconnected from the situation, this is no surprise to me. Dealing with him is like playing Hang man, always picking a letter hoping to get to the right answer. And this ha... Mon, 9 Jun 2014 07:51:03 EST Light as a feather Today while I was at the gym I was doing an exercise. I am not really sure what it is called but you sit with your legs bent holding a medicine ball straight out in front of you and your back is at almost straight but tilted back like leaning on a pillow that is not there. Like in a seated Russian twist position just no twisting. At any rate I was using a 10 pound medicine ball. as i sit and the sweat from the position because it is not easy to hold this for 60 seconds I concentrated on the ... Wed, 28 May 2014 17:55:37 EST Casual traveler and June goals . Hard to believe we are coming to the end of May and another 5% challenge to boot. I was lucky enough to find the 5 % challenge not long after I joined Spark people. I had one season as a Cloverleaf I do believe then I thought I was going to have drop out of the challenge when I had foot surgery. Someone suggested that I try the Casual Travelers. <BR> <BR> I was very resistant to this idea because i felt like I would be doing less and I so desperately wanted to stay motivated to do more. Eve... Tue, 27 May 2014 15:56:38 EST Hierarchy of " I " needs Adventure <BR> Balance <BR> Curiosity <BR> Daring <BR> Encouragement <BR> Fundamental <BR> Gracious <BR> Hope <BR> Intelligence <BR> Joy <BR> Kindness <BR> Loyalty <BR> Macrology <BR> Nonsense <BR> Openness <BR> Pride <BR> Quality <BR> Reassurance <BR> Strategy <BR> Trust <BR> Understanding <BR> Vicarious <BR> Wisdom <BR> Xenodochial <BR> yare <BR> Zest <BR> <BR> For most of my life I have spent it worrying about others. And to be perfectly honest I was never concerned with ... Sun, 25 May 2014 05:59:49 EST M&E = spark In reflection over the past two years on spark people there are many things that the site has given to me. Probably the most significant thing though is the ability to share not only my life and my experiences but to share the understanding that I am not the only person that feels like I do. <BR> <BR> The hardest thing to me in loosing my weight is the mental and emotional parts. If you don't believe me read my other blogs they are filled with my emotions and mental aspects. Dealing with m... Sat, 24 May 2014 18:26:47 EST Just remembering Sometimes it isnt till you are forced to go back and look at yourself can you see how far you really have come. How much can one person change their body ? No surgeries no pills no nothing but the will to change and the determination to push the limits. <BR> <BR> Today as I was walking I realized i had put my tummy back in the front of my body. That should be a given but with my body build I store fat right in the belly and it tends to move over to the sides . But that is moving in the ri... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:41:23 EST Finding Serendipity in pixie hollow lol Today has been a busy day . Of course most holidays are busy for all of us. I promised myself that I was going to have a good day today no matter what it took. I have done exactly what I wanted to all day . I have had to ease some ruffled feathers along the way but well that is just part of the job i suppose. But in the quest to have a good day I have had a lot of fun despite the complications. <BR> <BR> I started out the day making my Easter centerpiece for my table. Nothing fancy but I m... Sat, 19 Apr 2014 16:56:31 EST A word of caution Weighing <BR> NSV <BR> strength training <BR> cardio <BR> tape measurements <BR> <BR> You weigh after you have given all you have to it for the week and the scale rewards you with a 1/2 pound down or 2 pounds up. For the next seven days you beat your body into the ground with cardio and strength training. You get up and take a walk you might even take a run. OH you have to train for this and that race. Seven days pass and you step on the scale oh no it is up another pound WTH ? <BR> <... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 16:47:43 EST Dreams Inside every child lives a dream. As we grow up and take on the world so of our dreams become what we believe to be unattainable dreams. I am 43 years old and for every day of every year I have had my Big brother by my side. I have watched take knocks in life that are more than anyone should have to endure. Being homosexual comes with a huge price. I have been there for all the black eyes and taunting. I was there when he just didnt think he could live with disappointing our parents. I was ... Tue, 15 Apr 2014 07:17:18 EST 77 days to go When I had my break down it was a collapse of mental , emotional and physical . It took on the physical aspects of sugar imbalance. My head hurt , shaking , nausea , blurred vision . my emotions went from extremely happy and confident to the pit of despair. My mental state went from being strong and capable to weak and loss of desire to live. Please note that I was NOT suicidal I just didnt see any reason to live. I felt completely isolated and disconnected from everything. I couldnt think p... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 07:08:16 EST 79 to go : Unexpected milestone Less than a year ago I joined my fitness center affectionately named the candy store. There have been plenty of good days and plenty of not so good ones. <BR> <BR> Most know that I have been having issues as of lately but I have been doing my very best to conquer them. This morning I got dressed and went to the gym early. when I got out of my car and grabbed flossy for the first time in a while now I felt calm when I walked in but more than that I felt confident and safe. That means a lot ... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 16:58:04 EST