NEWTINK's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=NEWTINK NEWTINK's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ A humbling year http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5836688 In the grand scheme of things I dont believe my life is much worst than others. However having said that I really need 2014 to end.. Everything has seemed to be compounded here at the end. Money issues , marital issues, car troubles more work hours and the loss of a special friend who I depended on more than I thought. But the year keeps giving and I have now woke up with the onset to a cold or something. It is hard to breath and the coughing and sneezing will drive you insane but I am not g... Mon, 22 Dec 2014 07:42:47 EST possibly an answer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5835741 I started out this year with a serious skin issue. They called it stress induced eczema, As the year went on several things were added here . I became increasingly moody and depressed, Stomach issues and I have had a headache for most of the year. I stopped going to see my doctor because I honesty believe that she was convinced i was a hypochondriac. All I knew is i never feel good. My body is tired all the time Everything has been a will to do. The doctor said stress, remove stress. Outside ... Sat, 20 Dec 2014 07:15:06 EST functional fitness and beyond lol http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5834405 There are things that I fight so very hard for . I have been through a lot in life some of it shared here some of it not. But I try very hard to stay positive. I never want to be one of those tired old angry people. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning while I was at work i waited on someone from way back in my past. She hasnt changed much at all she is still a very angry spiteful woman. I do manage to muster a smile and a thank you and have a good day while keeping all my composure. She hasnt chan... Wed, 17 Dec 2014 11:54:38 EST 10 Golden rays http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5831779 It has been a week of trials for me. Everyday has brought something that I have to deal with and with the loss of the most important part of my support system it has not been very good. However this is not about all that. Earlier in the week i was watching a Holiday program , I dont recall the name it was on HallMark . Mostly for noise in an otherwise quiet house. I caught part of a conversation on the screen. <BR> <BR> On a boxcar there is a homeless man at dawn with a bright stream of gol... Fri, 12 Dec 2014 07:10:29 EST Control issues http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5830339 Most people would tell you that I am a control freak which is probably the most accurate thing they can say. i have to be in a certain amount of control and there has to be order. These very two things have probably led to the reason this year has been so hard for me. <BR> <BR> The loss of control in my personal relationships has been the hardest which led to some health issues that led to the loss of control in my fitness. the loss of control in fitness has led to the loss of control of my... Tue, 9 Dec 2014 13:41:03 EST 11/18 Affirmation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5818688 Yesterday all goals were met except 10 minutes. On the arc. I only did 3.5 minutes but it was last in the workout and my thighs were toast by then . All in all it was a good day despite an early morning spell with my stomach. Since it has been a while since I did weights I dropped the weighting by half and increased the reps . <BR> <BR> Step goal to reach step goal of 4028 at work in 5 hours . <BR> Gym goal HI IT training along with 20 minutes on bike 5 minutes on arc <BR> Nutrition goal ... Tue, 18 Nov 2014 03:37:03 EST 11/17 Affirmation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5818070 Taking the step to get back to a centered progress. In the beginning everyday was a goal and affirmation. I taught myself to believe past the pain and doubts. So today we go back to the beginning <BR> <BR> Step goal : to reach my step goal at work in five hours 4028. <BR> Gym goal: 10 minutes on arc, 20 minutes on bike , leg and tabs on machines <BR> Nutrition goal 1300 calories <BR> <BR> Affirmation : What I have validated in myself is real and I don't need the validation of any p... Mon, 17 Nov 2014 03:38:11 EST Thank you http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5816692 Yesterday morning I woke to the honor of being a leader in the spotlight for the 5% challenge. I would like to say thank you to everyone for all your well wishes , thoughts and spark goodies. What very few know is that yesterday I also I had a scope done of my upper GI for stomach issues. Nothing serious was found but it was still a scary procedure to me . I hate when they have to put me to sleep or do anything that concerns my stomach. It was great to have all of you along with me even if y... Fri, 14 Nov 2014 10:48:12 EST Committed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5811458 The scale read 271.2 this morning. It should after last night small group HIIT. That lady sure believes in squats. I am lucky that my body springs back quickly these days. I have done enough over the last few years that it doesnt hold a grudge any more. <BR> <BR> Today I went for run training and a pool workout. I was thinking back to when I was scared of the gym well really fitness in general. Not that it was going to hurt but that people would make fun of me. But if i may embark a piece ... Wed, 5 Nov 2014 16:51:42 EST Analyze it out http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5810636 This mornings weigh in was 272.4. When you find yourself tempted by things like junk food there is a reason behind it. You dont just suddenly loose your all your will or at least I didnt. For me stress took over and one day i found myself home worrying about marital issues , financial matters my special friend that is having health issues and all that had to be done before my son arrived home. Worrying doesnt fix tomorrow it just robs today. At any rate my stomach was hurting and i needed som... Tue, 4 Nov 2014 10:54:02 EST Confession and forgiveness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5809950 This morning as i stepped on to the scale and gazed at the red numbers I thought to myself it is time for a confession. The Scale blinked and tossed around the numbers till it finally told me 273.8. This was no surprise to me as it is Monday and for weeks I have been caring on a emotional love affair over the weekends. <BR> <BR> I know shocking , disgraceful and oh so shameful of me. A cheater of all things un natural. It started out innocent enough Just one little fling for old time sake. ... Mon, 3 Nov 2014 11:33:26 EST 10/31 thoughts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5808098 Every day I get up and spend most of my day puttering around alone. I have grown accustomed to being alone. I use to worry if i wasnt around people because i needed them to validate me as a person. That certainly is not the case any more. When I made the decision to change my weight for good there was so much that I had to change. However there were things that I could not change and that is where the problem is coming in at. <BR> <BR> You can change yourself and views of the world but you ... Fri, 31 Oct 2014 11:10:18 EST Motivating the motivator http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5796167 I dont walk with strength. <BR> I dont talk with strength . <BR> I am strong. <BR> <BR> I dont walk with beauty. <BR> I dont talk with beauty. <BR> I am beautiful. <BR> <BR> I dont walk with confidence. <BR> I dont talk with confidence. <BR> I am confident. <BR> <BR> On Thursday I wrote a blog but only a small portion got to read it in entirely because I edited most of it. That is very unlike me since my blog is for me and while talking with Susan from spark people I realized that... Sat, 11 Oct 2014 05:28:22 EST Coffee Please http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5795400 I dont know about everyone else but for me when things are going to good i have this little thought in the back of my mind that goes " steady you know what is coming ". Since my gall bladder attack things have been well lets say going better than normal. And the voice was there and I was like just shut up why dont you. Well it has been a week. for sure . <BR> <BR> On a happy note My grandsons are coming to stay the night tonight . It will be nice to have them here I have so missed them. <... Thu, 9 Oct 2014 16:57:43 EST A champions tale http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5788229 June of 2011 I was scared into making some life changes. Each day since that day I have put all i have into becoming the healthiest me i could possibly be. During the past three years I have pushed, scarified, I have taught myself how to keep going. I have learned to take victory and defeat with the same grain of salt. In October of 2011 I walked my first humiliating 5k walk. I was over 300 pounds and didnt know anything so I walked it with very little training and honestly with the thought i... Sun, 28 Sep 2014 06:49:48 EST The day before !!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5787483 Well it is the day before the Tryatlon. What does one do the day before something major? Me well i have declared it a day of rest . I have trained hard and now it is time to let the body chill for a bit before I push it to the extreme tomorrow. <BR> <BR> It is also a day of reflection. This time three years ago my biggest fear was coming to pass I had become that nearly 400 pound person that was headed to something terrible. I have thought back to those first few months when tears flowed li... Fri, 26 Sep 2014 16:49:04 EST Differing Perceptions http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5785227 Loose a pound gain two pounds loose three pounds gain five pounds no one ever said that this was not a roller coaster. Funny how people see you and see things differently. <BR> <BR> I was told recently that if i had some sort of surgery with my fitness level that i would not suffer so much . That this process would be easier. Well first off for over 40 years I made bad choices that lead to my weight problem yes some of it is genetics but i promise there were no feeding tubes over feeding me... Tue, 23 Sep 2014 05:32:47 EST Back to it !!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5783333 The past week has been very stressful with lots of unanswered questions to running about. This is a catch you up blog. <BR> <BR> When I started my 5K training my core began to hurt and well I chucked it up to implementing a new thing. I know my core god knows i have done enough work on it. Last Saturday I woke up and my entire core was hard as a brick and pained. Now step out of the core this was not muscle pain this was something else. I went to the clinic and they said that it could be an... Sat, 20 Sep 2014 05:40:25 EST Making The decision !!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5779709 After several days of debating and practice runs in the three events of running spinning and swimming. I can complete the given task in about 50 minutes with a moderate pain level to my feet which is nothing out of the normal. So what does this mean. <BR> <BR> This means on September 27th I will be competing In the Tryathlon at the gym. It took so long to decide because like everything else I was scared of failing. And you know what I might fail that day however if I dont try right now th... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 14:18:12 EST Fulfilling Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5777234 Every day I am reminded that I am on a time limit to fulfill some goals. It becomes more evident every day that where my feet are concerned I am literally running out of time. I am focused on obtaining some goals before drastic steps are taken. <BR> <BR> I am at the beginning of the third week of 8-week Rookie running program. The goal is to be able to run a 5K at the end of the training. It is doable and it is obtainable. Every time I have tried to run a 5k i have failed. However, I am... Wed, 10 Sep 2014 11:46:10 EST just random NSV and stuff http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763700 So I took a look around my page and realized i have not posted one blog in the month of August that is extreme for me to say the least. This could be for several reasons. There is a lot that has been going on for sure. I have found myself really contemplating my life and where it is and what I think needs to happen to get me to the happiest place for me. The answers have come but I am not prepared to take action on them yet. I believe that I have reached a point in my life where my mind can... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 16:19:24 EST Mirror Mirror http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749395 Mirror Mirror on the wall who is the fairest of them all !!! Words we use to play with when we were children before the fear and disdain for the mirror took over. As a morbidly obese person I can tell you spent 20 plus years trying every way in the world not to see myself. It has taken a long time to get to a point where i look in the mirror. <BR> <BR> Yesterday at the gym I turned the corner and saw me in a full length mirror and I stopped and just looked at me . No my body is not perf... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 05:16:16 EST BMI http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5741932 When you start out weighing almost 400 pounds ( hard to say ) you dont think of numbers you just think move more eat less. But I had done that before and this time was going to be the hardest since I was going it alone. Succeed or fail it is all on me. I didnt want to have excuses to fail. I didnt want someone to guilt me into something I didnt want to do what I had always done I wanted to be accountable to me. Self accountability is crucial for me for I am the only person that can handle me... Sat, 19 Jul 2014 07:55:58 EST Running Tab http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5735065 I have been up reading for a while now, the product of to much on my mind. I woke exhausted and I am sure that is not going to change during the day either. Since the only place in this house where I want wake anyone is at my desk this is where i am. <BR> <BR> So I was reading through blogs and thinking of a conversation I had with someone about drinking. I don't drink for various reasons: first and foremost is my husband is an alcoholic that there zaps all the fun out of the occasional dr... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 05:37:07 EST Independence day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5731046 1776 was the year that America claimed its Independence from all other countries. At the time men fought for our right to be free from tyranny, now men and women fight side by side to ensure that we remain the home of the brave and the land of the free. All those years ago we as a nation drew a line in the sand and said no more. Our country is not perfect ; however, it is still the greatest country in the world and I am very honored and humbled to be able to call myself American. <BR> <BR... Thu, 3 Jul 2014 06:02:41 EST Just catch up !!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5723531 So here we are three days before my 44th birthday and I am still not at goal weight still a long way off as a matter of fact. But you know what in the grand scheme of things that doesnt even matte. In the past year I have had injuries, anxiety attacks, depression, stress induced Eczema, Went to a very scary place emotionally; however, I never gave up on me. When faced with each issue I have taken the steps to correct it and move past it. My life isn't perfect but whose is. I have lots of pers... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 17:47:34 EST A new start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5718295 In the past few months a lot of things have happened. I have to tell you that most of it has not been good. I have been mentally strained and emotionally bankrupt. I have been trying to fix me So now I will share something with you. <BR> <BR> As most know I started seeing a counselor and i said that was to fix me. However, I have come to realize that there is really nothing wrong with me. I lacked immediate support in my home life so I started seeing him just to have someone tell me I coul... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 08:17:29 EST Twilight zone weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5713946 Freeze time : at 2:30 am Friday morning on June 6, 2014 <BR> I wake and stair at the ceiling watching the little lights from the television. I am reasonably calm all things considered. Thursday night I tried and failed again to have the conversation about my unhappiness in my life with my husband who seemed distant and disconnected from the situation, this is no surprise to me. Dealing with him is like playing Hang man, always picking a letter hoping to get to the right answer. And this ha... Mon, 9 Jun 2014 07:51:03 EST Light as a feather http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5705404 Today while I was at the gym I was doing an exercise. I am not really sure what it is called but you sit with your legs bent holding a medicine ball straight out in front of you and your back is at almost straight but tilted back like leaning on a pillow that is not there. Like in a seated Russian twist position just no twisting. At any rate I was using a 10 pound medicine ball. as i sit and the sweat from the position because it is not easy to hold this for 60 seconds I concentrated on the ... Wed, 28 May 2014 17:55:37 EST Casual traveler and June goals . http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704513 Hard to believe we are coming to the end of May and another 5% challenge to boot. I was lucky enough to find the 5 % challenge not long after I joined Spark people. I had one season as a Cloverleaf I do believe then I thought I was going to have drop out of the challenge when I had foot surgery. Someone suggested that I try the Casual Travelers. <BR> <BR> I was very resistant to this idea because i felt like I would be doing less and I so desperately wanted to stay motivated to do more. Eve... Tue, 27 May 2014 15:56:38 EST Hierarchy of " I " needs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5702566 Adventure <BR> Balance <BR> Curiosity <BR> Daring <BR> Encouragement <BR> Fundamental <BR> Gracious <BR> Hope <BR> Intelligence <BR> Joy <BR> Kindness <BR> Loyalty <BR> Macrology <BR> Nonsense <BR> Openness <BR> Pride <BR> Quality <BR> Reassurance <BR> Strategy <BR> Trust <BR> Understanding <BR> Vicarious <BR> Wisdom <BR> Xenodochial <BR> yare <BR> Zest <BR> <BR> For most of my life I have spent it worrying about others. And to be perfectly honest I was never concerned with ... Sun, 25 May 2014 05:59:49 EST M&E = spark http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5702300 In reflection over the past two years on spark people there are many things that the site has given to me. Probably the most significant thing though is the ability to share not only my life and my experiences but to share the understanding that I am not the only person that feels like I do. <BR> <BR> The hardest thing to me in loosing my weight is the mental and emotional parts. If you don't believe me read my other blogs they are filled with my emotions and mental aspects. Dealing with m... Sat, 24 May 2014 18:26:47 EST Just remembering http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5678062 Sometimes it isnt till you are forced to go back and look at yourself can you see how far you really have come. How much can one person change their body ? No surgeries no pills no nothing but the will to change and the determination to push the limits. <BR> <BR> Today as I was walking I realized i had put my tummy back in the front of my body. That should be a given but with my body build I store fat right in the belly and it tends to move over to the sides . But that is moving in the ri... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 16:41:23 EST Finding Serendipity in pixie hollow lol http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675839 Today has been a busy day . Of course most holidays are busy for all of us. I promised myself that I was going to have a good day today no matter what it took. I have done exactly what I wanted to all day . I have had to ease some ruffled feathers along the way but well that is just part of the job i suppose. But in the quest to have a good day I have had a lot of fun despite the complications. <BR> <BR> I started out the day making my Easter centerpiece for my table. Nothing fancy but I m... Sat, 19 Apr 2014 16:56:31 EST A word of caution http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675220 Weighing <BR> NSV <BR> strength training <BR> cardio <BR> tape measurements <BR> <BR> You weigh after you have given all you have to it for the week and the scale rewards you with a 1/2 pound down or 2 pounds up. For the next seven days you beat your body into the ground with cardio and strength training. You get up and take a walk you might even take a run. OH you have to train for this and that race. Seven days pass and you step on the scale oh no it is up another pound WTH ? <BR> <... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 16:47:43 EST Dreams http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5672580 Inside every child lives a dream. As we grow up and take on the world so of our dreams become what we believe to be unattainable dreams. I am 43 years old and for every day of every year I have had my Big brother by my side. I have watched take knocks in life that are more than anyone should have to endure. Being homosexual comes with a huge price. I have been there for all the black eyes and taunting. I was there when he just didnt think he could live with disappointing our parents. I was ... Tue, 15 Apr 2014 07:17:18 EST 77 days to go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5667943 When I had my break down it was a collapse of mental , emotional and physical . It took on the physical aspects of sugar imbalance. My head hurt , shaking , nausea , blurred vision . my emotions went from extremely happy and confident to the pit of despair. My mental state went from being strong and capable to weak and loss of desire to live. Please note that I was NOT suicidal I just didnt see any reason to live. I felt completely isolated and disconnected from everything. I couldnt think p... Wed, 9 Apr 2014 07:08:16 EST 79 to go : Unexpected milestone http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5666708 Less than a year ago I joined my fitness center affectionately named the candy store. There have been plenty of good days and plenty of not so good ones. <BR> <BR> Most know that I have been having issues as of lately but I have been doing my very best to conquer them. This morning I got dressed and went to the gym early. when I got out of my car and grabbed flossy for the first time in a while now I felt calm when I walked in but more than that I felt confident and safe. That means a lot ... Mon, 7 Apr 2014 16:58:04 EST 80 to go : What does it take ? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5665481 In a lifetime ago but not really that long ago there was this lady that i knew. She was the essence of beautiful in my mind and directly opposite of me . She weighed all of 90 pounds but that had nothing to do with her visual beauty she was just what i thought beautiful was. One day we were talking about weight and she said to me " it does not matter what I do I can not gain weight" ... Of course I replied " I really wish I had that problem. ' and we laughed. <BR> <BR> This morning I was re... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 07:11:35 EST 81 to go : Tending Neverland http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5664839 Two weeks ago my internal self stumbled. I have spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what happened that i let myself get to that point. I have come to the conclusion that although I stumbled on the inside I did not fall on my own. <BR> <BR> My eating took an a reverse emotional response to my surroundings. As my eating fell to far and my body could not sustain energy the emotional took over as exhaustion set in. The mind body and soul are connected. I let the mind and body run a... Sat, 5 Apr 2014 07:49:01 EST 82 to go : living the rules http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5664056 Tuesday I went to the gym and did the first workout since the break and i felt as though it was a decent workout. There are a couple of rules that I must follow. <BR> <BR> 1. If you dont eat like a champion, then you don't train like one either. <BR> 2. alternating strength training Typically Monday, Wednesday and Friday. <BR> <BR> I found on Wed. morning that I had zero appetite. I hadnt planned anything but a walk for the day as fitness was concerned. But under the new rules if I ... Fri, 4 Apr 2014 07:38:58 EST 85 to go : Conquering fear http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5661878 I can not explain in great deal what exactly happened on March 20 that left me shaken to my core. I can tell you that to regain myself has been an undertaking. I can tell you that I was scared and alone. I can tell you that it took of eating higher calories to get my strength back. I am not sure how long it will take me to get all my mental fortitude back. I can tell you that I live on shaky ground as I learn to trust myself again. <BR> <BR> I have to learn to crawl before I can walk. It ... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 15:27:42 EST 86 to go : Sparking http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5660976 Today marks a 100 days of sparking for me. Since I have been on spark people I have logged consistently mostly. however it took me a long to realize that I actually had to spin the wheel on the main page kinda like roll call I am here lol. Today when I did the spin it marked 100 days in a row. Doesn't seem like much. <BR> <BR> Over the past 100 days there were plenty of days when I seriously didnt even want to do that much much less anything else. There have been really good days and rea... Mon, 31 Mar 2014 15:31:58 EST 87 days to go : triggers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5659848 As we are getting ready to start the challenge next week we are doing the pre challenge assignments. Today we are suppose to discuss triggers. Triggers for food choices. Triggers that lead us to make unhealthy food choices. <BR> <BR> When most think of triggers it is ice cream cold pizza or comfort food. Things that we run to that will make us feel better just with a taste of it. Food where we will hide our emotions from the food and what causes us to that. There is a certain enjoyment tha... Sun, 30 Mar 2014 08:43:31 EST 88 days to go : Motivation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5659093 Since I have started Spark People I have been part of various challenges. Challenges are a great way to keep your motivation up; However, this must be done constructively and with care. To many challenges at one time will send you into a spiral. Go ahead ask me how i know this ? Well because I am the classic over achiever ( ha read previous blog. ). I am on some 9 or 10 teams but I dont post to all them. I try to look in and see what they are doing and participate in the challenges. This wa... Sat, 29 Mar 2014 06:55:17 EST 89 to go : weight tracking http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5658353 89 days away from 44 years old . I find that in order to to get things right I need to come clean. On the 17th of March I weighed 276.2 that is a massive number for me as it was the beginning of the break down for me . The weight gain was not the only thing that led to it. I have some serious marital issues and home issues that are factoring into this however the one thing I have felt that i was controlling was my weight. Each time I stepped on the scale and it went up there was a frantic ne... Fri, 28 Mar 2014 07:23:10 EST The next 90 days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5657584 I have a lot of time to think over the past week. When you crash physically that leads to a mental crash that leads to an emotional break. I never said all days were pretty in the world of serious weight loss. Each of us fight this battle of pounds in different ways. There are moments that I become just naked raw. I have stated on more than one occasion that no one can put more pressure on me than I can put on myself and that is the truth. I put me through more than I would ever ask another p... Thu, 27 Mar 2014 07:48:49 EST Food Feet and beyond http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5656406 I come from the south and the south is full of obese people and glorious carbohydrates. I say this not to make fun of where I am from just that you must understand the root cause of my issues. Through my childhood and teenage years it was drilled into my head that bread, pastas, potatoes was making me fat. That didnt keep anyone from cooking them but i was suppose to learn self control. Well here is issue number one How do you limit when that is all your options ? How do you limit when you ar... Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:03:10 EST a disappointing necessity http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654382 Tomorrow morning i will go see a doctor in a wound care facility to look at my feet. On the left foot right in the middle of the heel where it turns to start moving up the leg there is what we are calling a pressure point. More or less it is like a rock in my foot. This has become very painful and has started effecting my Achilles tendon that leg. I know that tendon well since I have the one on the right leg severed and re worked. On the right foot right at my incision scar which is the middl... Sun, 23 Mar 2014 07:57:19 EST Tired http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5651790 What I do at home seems a little different to me than when I am at the gym. My focus is different my push is different. I dont worry about what they think of me but I know they are there so there for I still push harder when there are people around. <BR> <BR> Today during my HIIT training the first circuit Bird dog pushups, leg scissors and skip overs. None of them are to bad but they do get your rear in those 3 45 second intervals. My mind is having a hard time these staying focused. my... Wed, 19 Mar 2014 17:55:12 EST