NEWSUSAN2119's SparkPeople Blog NEWSUSAN2119's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community saying goodbye to my first pair of training shoes I never had any children. Maybe I sometimes get teary eyed over the silliest things. I cried the other day when I realized that I had worn out my first pair of real athletic shoes. I remembered the day I got them and the empowerment I felt when I first put them on. The gratitude I felt towards those wornout things for inspiring me to continue....well its a good thing they cant talk to me.Here's a silly thought: maybe I should have them bronzed like people used to do with baby shoes.Although w... Mon, 12 Sep 2011 06:04:28 EST dont be afraid to go to the gym I used to fear going to the gym. This , of course, was before I actually had stepped one foot in one.I wanted to join a gym badly. My at home efforts needed ramping up and I knew the gym was the place to go to get that. I'm not downing the at home exercise experience because without that I never would have gotten to the point where I felt I needed more. <BR> Then one day my husband said he wanted to join the gym because they were having a super reasonable special price. I was happy because... Sat, 20 Aug 2011 06:33:34 EST Giving it away is getting it back I work with a colleague who has way too much stress in her life. Pressures of being a single parent with two sons and elderly parents who are in denial about their current infirmaties have really taken their toll on her.She has been watching my journey since I started Sparkpeople in late April. Shes quiet and private so she doesn't say much. (the very opposite of me)I was pretty open about what I was attempting to do and read THE SPARK at lunch every day. After about four months its pretty ob... Sat, 6 Aug 2011 06:08:17 EST Thank you Beyonce' Yesterday i was at the gym after work and my intent was to do the 30 minutes on the elliptical that is part of my 'homework' from my trainer. For once i had my ipod (thanks to my hubby) and i got on and started working .The music kept me moving right along and since i had just downloaded Beyonce"s new cd 4 I was moving right along. I was enjoying the music and working along to the rythmn pretty good. I looked at my time and i had gotten to 25 minutes. So I said let me see if I can go just 5 ... Fri, 5 Aug 2011 17:50:53 EST apple to hourglass? I remember being in my twenties and even early thirties and having a concave belly when I lay on the floor. I remember looking in the mirror and seeing a body that I was'nt happy with then but would cry with joy over now. I've been looking at my naked self over the last couple of years and thinking that , at times, if I painted myself red I could be a stand-in for the fruit of the loom commercials. <BR> Somehow I never really made the connection between the dieting and the exercise . When i... Tue, 26 Jul 2011 03:59:32 EST How working with a trainer has changed my exercise routine I thought i was working hard at home.Self directing with dvds and spark people exercises. My first session with the trainer told me I had'nt been working nearly hard enough. OMG I never sweat that much , ever. And what was with the jelly-legs and shaking arms? I had been using dumbells at home but I had'nt pushed hard enough. Now, after three weeks, using the trainer just once a week and doing the 'homework' he gives me, I am beginning to see progress in how my body is shaped and where my end... Sun, 24 Jul 2011 07:48:47 EST How my life is different after three months with spark people I was re- reading spark diet stages this morning and realized that I had moved to stage four without actually knowing. In less time than I ever could have imagined I have begun to live a lifestyle that is giving me energy, joy, and a huge optimism for a great aging well plan. Its amazing how my habits have changed the people around me;and without nagging or struggling my husband has come along on my journey. He's not one to get online and do the tracking thing but he has already lost 15lbs a... Tue, 19 Jul 2011 05:20:27 EST Computerless = More Time at the Gym Four days ago I could not get connected to the internet on our home computer nor my android phone. Oh no! I was about to reach my 90th day of a login streak and I was NOT about to miss out. Over the last few days I at least was able to persuade my supervisor at work to just let me log in and then log out. I really missed my daily huddles , reading editors choice, looking at new recipes and tracking my exercise and my food. Luckily, being somewhat old school , I also keep a food and exercise j... Thu, 14 Jul 2011 04:20:34 EST Not a great Feeling. So I work alternate weekends and I am a chef. I work on my feet and move around consistantly. When I come home I do all those things that women usually do;ie the dishes, the laundry, the cleaning, etc.Yesterday I got stuck working a double because someone did'nt show up so I was pretty bushed when I got home. This morning I had a scheduled training session. My husband went with me, and i thought he was just going to do a workout as I did not think he was scheduled for a session. Well the trai... Tue, 5 Jul 2011 18:31:06 EST First EVER session with a trainer. My husband and I joined a gym. Something I never thought we would do. We were the oldest people signing up for the promo and I felt a little awkward, but still determined to do it because i just knew i needed someone to evealuate my technique o f weight lifting and such. Plus I know that a trainer will push you as hard as you can go . I had NO idea how hard that would be. I had never exercised to the point of almost throwing up. Of course he could see that I had been pushed about as far as i... Tue, 28 Jun 2011 04:07:58 EST Addicted to Spark people Website Ever morning after I exercise I sit down at the computer to log in and spin the wheel, huddle with my spark teams, check mail and generally enjoy the spark website. I admit a compulsion where this is concerned. We had a string of days with horrendous storms and since last wednesday the computer was not able to fully load my spark website. How was I to function without my daily dose of spin and spark point cultivation?????? Finally my internet provider fixed the problems and low and behold th... Fri, 24 Jun 2011 19:49:11 EST Magic Running Shoes What was it about those running shoes? I wanted them even though I had'nt even attempting running. All my close family and friends said"you can't run". You are( here I will list all the reasons I was given)too old, too heavy, you'll wreck your knees, not necessary, why do you want to you are not training for the senoior olympics,you've gotta be kiddin me,you'll break something, why start at YOUR age... But I did not listen ;just nodded my head as though I was taking it all in. So secretly on ... Mon, 20 Jun 2011 08:30:14 EST Why I changed my Username When I joined Spark People two months ago I was anxious to start my journey to a healthy lifestyle. Still, I know now I was lost in the anonymity of my 'fat' self and I was not completely convinced (since I have experienced so much failure in my past efforts to change myself). Over the last 60 days something has happened to me that I have never before known: I am not alone in my efforts, I have all the support that I can possibly use, and the main strange thing is I have found exercise to be... Sun, 12 Jun 2011 10:04:38 EST Cookies into the trash I am a pastry chef by trade. Every once in a while I have this need to bake at home. My husband is a lover of home made chocolate chip cookies.I had good chocolate chips in the cupboard for more than a month.Yesterday I decided I had to make cookies. So I made them. Bad Bad Bad idea. They were sitting there and I ate two. My husband had not touched a single one. I took them downstairs to his truck.He went out and brought them back upstairs asking what in the ***** did I think I was doing. (he... Sun, 12 Jun 2011 06:21:26 EST Whose upper arms are these? I got brave this morning and decided to take my measurements. Mostly everything has firmed up, not too much movement on the tape measure. When I got to my upper arm measurement I called my husband to help me because i was sure I had measured wrong. Nope, it was right.Using weights actually has changed the shape of my upper arms. sixty days ago they could wave hello all on their own.I thought my 'bat wings ' were here to stay.Not So! I may eventually wear sleeveless tops again.Woo Hoo.My only ... Fri, 10 Jun 2011 05:42:51 EST Adventure in the dressing room at Kohls I had a function to go to last night and I did not have anything appropriate to wear as the majority of my clothing is casual and athletic wear. So into the store I went and headed straight to the womens department where I have been shopping, picked out a few things and headed for the dressing rooms. I tried on the things i had picked out and was very surprised to find them too loose . I have'nt lost a whole lot of weight but I have been exercising alot.I have'nt weighed myself in a while bec... Thu, 9 Jun 2011 08:54:45 EST person with two left feet attempts bellydancing class In line with my promise to myself to think outside the box and try new exercise I saw 'bellydancing basics' on exercise tv. Well, lord knows I've got more than enough belly to shake so I tried it. OMG. This is very challenging ab work. But being facinated I ran it two more times to see if repetition would help my clutzy inability to move gracefully. (not my strong point.)After noticing that the instructor was barefoot, I removed the running shoes and tried some more. Hmm. I may be able to pul... Tue, 7 Jun 2011 06:40:54 EST Spreading the spark without trying Okay. So yeaterday my husband was getting ready to go with me to a family picnic and as he was pulling on his shorts he commented that he needed to go on a diet. I agreed that it would be better if he ate better and moved around more since he was turning 65 this year and it would make him feel better and fit into his favorite shorts better. Well, I guess he had been noticing my efforts to live a healthier life and exercise more after all. He hates vegetables but he started eating salads with ... Mon, 30 May 2011 04:17:13 EST Learning to live without regrets It's a new place. A place where I have never been before but one in which I want forever to live. It's a place where going off track on my eating doe NOT result in a binge. It's a place of forgiveness and acceptance of myself. It's a place where everthing does NOT have to be perfect to be wonderful. It's a place where exercising is fun even though challenging; where I don't feel failure but hope. I can see the future and its a place I am looking forward to because I now understand there is no... Sat, 28 May 2011 10:45:29 EST enthusiasm resulting in soreness Wow. I was having such a good time working out the other day that I kinda forgot that this body isn't used to it . Man, I woke up the next morning with seriously sore hamstrings. How many of those curls did I do anyway? It took me a whole day later and a lot less intense exercise to start feeling less beat up. At least I was sore from exercise and not from falling down because I couldn't hold myself up! ( looking at the glass as half-full). I forgot that you can't do everything in one day.(no... Sun, 22 May 2011 05:49:40 EST My first reward to myself I always felt as though motivation was just an internalized thing but I'm learning differently now that I'm living with the spark. I had absolutely no guilt about buying myself some new workout wear after I got paid this week.I felt motivated even more to use them. I have discovered that when I show up dressed for my date with exercise I am more comfortable and able to concentrate on technique and I feel so great exercising in them I find I am going from one part of my fitness routine to anot... Fri, 20 May 2011 05:57:09 EST Surprise! Woke up this morning looking forward to exercise. Woke up and my first thought was I want a glass of water and some exercise. I f you had told me a month ago that that would happen I might have said 'not likely'. So its all really true, I can change my life and now I am on my way.Suddenly my vision and inspiration collage is speaking to me in a voice I have never heard before; its almost like my healthy self is charged up to make an appearance, the sooner the better. But steady as she goes, that is what I am learning is the key. Its the lit... Thu, 19 May 2011 16:22:53 EST Sleeping better, feeling more energetic, its worth the hard work Okay, so every day my lazy inner self is having this conversation with my motivated self about exercise and so far my motivated self is winning.I'm too tired after working a shift as a chef; but I'm not excusing that. I made myself do that cardio and walking and once I was in it I was there and enjoying it- not that I was loving the process (not yet anyhow) but I was pleased that I had not shirked my promise to myself. I am determined to exercise everyday and work as hard as I can to stick to... Tue, 17 May 2011 05:15:46 EST Met the challenge of a dinner party! My husband and I like to entertain and cook for our relatives and friends. Last night we had a dinner party at our home and I managed to stay on track with my nutrtion plan by weighing and measuring everything that went on my plate. I am a pastry chef by trade and usually i produce some special dessert. Instead, I made a fresh fruit salad and gave those who still had a sweet tooth the option of a dessert wine with the fruit. Well, no one even noticed the difference even though the food had b... Sun, 15 May 2011 06:06:58 EST New feeling; could be real determination! I have been sleeping so much better since I have been exercising. This morning I woke up with a new feeling; wanting to start the day and feeling ready to move. Wow. Feeling this much better with only the small changes I have made makes me understand that the spark is REAL and coming alive in me! For the first time I don't feel rushed or pressured by my own expectations to change and hurry up about it. Now I know that change can happen for me even though I have spent so many years mistreati... Sat, 14 May 2011 04:32:10 EST finally a picture I did it. With the help of a computer savy coworker there is now a picture of me on my page. I saw a video blog on the success pages that inspired me. Once I lose 10 or 20 lbs I will post another picture so my transformation will be visible to me. Right now the only immediate gratification 'carrots' I have in front of me are doing and logging all nutrition and exercise and keeping track of my other goals. I am happy that sparkpeople offers those tools. I know they are vital to internalizing n... Fri, 13 May 2011 04:41:36 EST fear of posting my picture I have enlisted the help of a co- worker to take a digital photo of me so it can be posted. I guess i am afraid of how horrendous I will find myself.The only thing that is motivating me to post a pic is the belief that I am moving away from the lifestyle that contributed to how I look.I keep envisioning the pictures that will follow as I reach my goals and then how fantastic i will feel when I know I will never be a yo yo dieter again! Thu, 12 May 2011 08:29:17 EST Accepting faults and moving on Well I had a 'lightbulb' moment this morning. I realized I am willing to forgive other people so easily but I am not so kind to myself. That has resulted in emotional eating at times. Since I have been feeding my head with Spark peoples aricle series on emotional eating I am finally beginning to internalize signals that tell me when I am about to do that. So my new mantra when I feel as though I have failed in some small way,(did i mention i am a perfectionist?) is You ARE Forgiven. Love you... Thu, 12 May 2011 06:13:44 EST Fighting old demons Its a daily battle. Can You Do This? Are you worth it? Some times no matter how frequent the self affirmations the old Failure Demon is hiding there waiting to pounce. I wish I could shut off the negative as easily as I can ignore the positive.It is'nt enough to understand the reasons why when you just can't find you way around them sometimes. Still, I am willing to get up and try to start anew every day. I have faith that , at some point the forced habits will become stronger than the negati... Sat, 30 Apr 2011 05:33:31 EST