NEWMOON's SparkPeople Blog NEWMOON's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Sharing a link to some fun V-day ideas and healthy recipes! XOXOXOXO This is a thread from the Team 400 that I worked on this year and last year. I want to share it with people who aren't on the team. <BR> <BR> There are some cool links to crafts, recipes, self-love tips, etc. ENJOY! <BR> <BR> <link><BR>sageboard_thread.asp?board=5079x15146x<BR>63605742 </link> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 14 Feb 2018 11:52:59 EST Looking for a resource that gives live online support for food addiction/emotional eating? I spent most of yesterday fighting. I'm actually tired from it today. <BR> <BR> I was fighting my food addiction. <BR> <BR> I lost. <BR> <BR> I think if I had found someone to connect to in that moment I would have had the strength to get through the urges, but anyone that has food issues (or addiction issues with other substances) knows that support is everything. <BR> <BR> I love Spark, and it has kept me going for many years. <BR> <BR> But, I sometimes need help immediately and... Sat, 10 Feb 2018 09:27:46 EST The Reset Button doesn't wear out. Go ahead and press it. I am struggling, have BEEN struggling, and just got on the scale and I've gone from 393 to 402 so I guess I need to go change my counter. <BR> <BR> I have 2 choices: <BR> 1. I can continue eating from stress. A few minutes of false comfort that leads to hours/days/weeks of continued stress-eating and unhealthy choices. <BR> <BR> 2. I can do the hard thing and pull myself back on track and log my food, plan my meals, etc. and allow that process to work toward getting me to my goals of b... Tue, 6 Feb 2018 11:03:02 EST UGH depression etc I can't seem to shake this feeling of deep depression. I got some really bad news from 3 separate friends today, all unrelated, but all really serious. <BR> <BR> I spent most of this morning crying. <BR> <BR> I really just want to crawl into a ball and hide under the covers, but that won't make me feel better and it certainly won't change anything. <BR> <BR> I also want to stuff a bunch of unhealthy food into my face, hoping that it will bring me a bit of happiness. That's such a pile ... Tue, 15 Aug 2017 13:09:18 EST OK so NOW what??? I started going to online OA meetings 3 weeks ago. I have a sponsor now and have started to do "the work". <BR> <BR> Obviously, this entails digging into your emotions. OK, I can do that. I've been doing that for decades, in therapy. <BR> <BR> Thing is, it leaves me emotionally messed up. Like wrecked. Like crying, angry, etc. <BR> <BR> And then comes the age-old question, the one for which no one seems to have an answer: <BR> <BR> WHAT NOW? <BR> <BR> When I'm crying I want comfor... Wed, 9 Aug 2017 14:05:35 EST Great start, terrible middle, and long miserable night ahead This morning started out really great. I weighed in at 397 and I have no idea how long it's been since I've seen that. <BR> <BR> The lowest I've been in at least 6 years, possibly 7 or more. <BR> <BR> YAY ME! <BR> <BR> Shortly after, due to some major incompetence on the part of our apartment complex office staff, we were advised that they are sending a CREW here TOMORROW to replace all windows and our balcony door glass. We are somehow expected to move everything away from all window ... Mon, 31 Jul 2017 22:07:36 EST You bettah WERK!! The expression "It works if you work it" has been used so often that sometimes we don't even "hear" it. <BR> <BR> The thing is, no matter what our plan is: eating, exercise, relaxation and coping techniques, etc., it won't work unless we actually DO it. <BR> <BR> I'm at 403 today. I have done MANY food plans (name one and I've done it) and so many other Action Plans (types of exercise, Behavioral Heath techniques, etc etc etc) and all of them worked. <BR> <BR> Every single one worked.... Mon, 24 Jul 2017 14:03:17 EST Slight derailment. Tracks repaired; proceeding with caution. OK, so on Oct 21 I got myself back on track. <BR> <BR> Tracking food, planning all meals, shopping accordingly. By Friday, Oct 28 morning I'd lost 10 pounds. <BR> <BR> More importantly, I had not done any Emotional Eating. <BR> <BR> I decided when I started on 10/21 that I was going to avoid certain trigger foods and I did. I know without a doubt that it helped tremendously. <BR> <BR> While not everyone who has issues with EE is necessarily a food addict, I am, 100%. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 31 Oct 2016 11:48:10 EST Big Girl Wedding Dresses - Fashion Alert When I got married in 2005, it was so hard to find a plus-size wedding dress that had sleeves. I don't love my arms, and wanted them covered. <BR> <BR> After searching salons and looking online, I ended up buying a dress online through a random bridal website, and I was lucky enough that the dress was beautiful. I would imagine most people would not be so fortunate. <BR> <BR> So, when I saw that's David's Bridal actually offers several GORGEOUS plus size wedding dresses with sleeves, I ... Mon, 24 Oct 2016 21:30:02 EST 440 and a new day I'm so grateful for time moving forward. <BR> <BR> Things got progressively worse yesterday, including a trip to the emergency vet for one of my cats. He had emergency surgery a little over a week ago, and started acting oddly last night, so off he went for the 10th vet appointment in 3 weeks. The important thing is that he's healing. Now, if I can get maybe one day without a crisis, I can start to heal too. <BR> <BR> Still haven't heard from my GP, in spite of leaving a message for ... Thu, 8 Sep 2016 14:15:15 EST 445 All-time high. <BR> <BR> Life has been chaos for over 30 days now. My eating reflects that. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I reached out for help and today it blew up in my face. <BR> <BR> I asked my therapist to contact my GP to see if there are any resources here that I don't know about to help me. We have a physical rehab facility that would be perfect, but I don't know if they will take me based on the fact that I haven't had an injury. I sure as $%#& have an illness. <BR> <BR> Somehow,... Wed, 7 Sep 2016 13:01:51 EST Yeah, so... It's been a month since I blogged. My husband was sick for over 2 weeks last months from that horrible respiratory thing, and then I caught it. I haven't been that sick in years. I just finished 2 weeks of antibiotics and while the worst is over, it's left me so weak. That thing was nasty. <BR> <BR> I FINALLY saw my Dr on March 4th. My weight was 445. A whole new high. Granted, my size 8X jeans are heavy, I had 2 sweaters on, shoes, etc. Still. <BR> <BR> I'm at 430 today. A part... Thu, 17 Mar 2016 15:12:24 EST Checking in Just wanted to say hello. <BR> <BR> My husband has been sick for about a week with something flu-like. I've caught a milder version of it. <BR> <BR> My dr appt that was canceled from the weather is tomorrow. I'm dreading it for so many reasons. I'll be glad when it's over. My blood sugar is in the 200's now instead of the 300's, which is better but far from good. I'm scared I need insulin. If I do, I do. <BR> <BR> The worst part of all of this is knowing that I am responsible for... Wed, 17 Feb 2016 16:16:40 EST Snow day, no doctor's appointment, Happy Mardi Gras A big thank you to the folks who posted on my blog yesterday. Your support means a lot. <BR> <BR> It snowed last night and it's snowing today, so my appointment with my doctor is now next week. <BR> <BR> Not feeling very positive or motivated or inspirational today. Just trying to stay in the moment and not think too much about anything. <BR> <BR> Wishing everyone a Happy Mardi Gras! My celebration was making a green salad with some chilled steamed shrimp with Cajun spices for lun... Tue, 9 Feb 2016 15:21:45 EST Scared I have an appointment to see my Primary Care physician tomorrow and I'm sitting here dreading it to the point that I'm physically ill. <BR> <BR> With Fibro and M.E., there is a lot of pain. Normal stuff like getting dressed in street clothes, getting in and out of the car, etc., is a challenge. Then add my size to it, and I have to deal with people staring at me, and worrying if I'll find a place to sit in the waiting room that will fit me. <BR> <BR> Then there's the reason for my app... Mon, 8 Feb 2016 15:16:37 EST Strength You know, it's said that you don't get more than you can handle. I call shenanigans on that. <BR> <BR> Over the past 4 months there have been deaths of friends and old classmates, extreme medical emergencies with family, emotional trauma in relationships, financial issues, and physical health issues with both myself and my husband. <BR> <BR> OK, technically I've been "handling it", but I am sad, scared, and seem to have lost any "spark" I once had. <BR> <BR> I'm just trying to get thr... Wed, 3 Feb 2016 12:50:42 EST Addiction, Acceptance, Abstinence I'm not very good at this lately. <BR> <BR> In spite of not one but TWO therapists, all of the reading, all of the information, all of the knowledge I possess about nutrition, exercise, metabolism, weight loss, yadda yadda yadda, I cannot seem to get a grip on the food addiction. <BR> <BR> Sometimes I think I know TOO much about all of it and I get overwhelmed with it all. <BR> <BR> The bottom line is: I have serious issues with food. And those issues are stronger than I am. When ... Sun, 22 Nov 2015 16:47:40 EST Another binge and shame and tears This is so hard. <BR> <BR> I'm disgusted, frustrated, ashamed, angry. <BR> <BR> I don't even know what to say anymore that I haven't said a million times already. <BR> <BR> I would give anything to get rid of this. Every minute I'm awake is about this addiction, disorder, whatever. <BR> <BR> So many of us suffering and so little help available for those of us without tens of thousands of dollars for treatment. <BR> <BR> I wish I felt more hope in my heart. Wed, 4 Nov 2015 15:13:27 EST It's me again. First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone for the condolences for the loss of my friend. October was a hard month. Personally, I'm glad it's behind me. <BR> <BR> So here I am today. One pound away from my highest-ever-weight. <BR> <BR> I have no answers. I'm very tired of fighting this addiction. I'm exhausted from spending so much time in my head, trying to figure out what will help me. <BR> <BR> All I can do is try to do my best today. <BR> <BR> Hour by hour, choic... Mon, 2 Nov 2015 13:20:06 EST sadness I'm not sure if I wrote about this before, but an old friend lost her battle with stomach cancer and was in hospice care at her mom's house since Sept 23. <BR> <BR> She passed away on Oct 8th. <BR> <BR> I have been struggling since I realized that the fight was over and we just all waited. <BR> <BR> I pushed on, posting here, and doing my best to fight my addiction through this, but I was/am not strong enough. <BR> <BR> And that's OK. <BR> <BR> I have done the best I could unde... Sat, 10 Oct 2015 21:04:46 EST No clue I don't understand why I'm not losing weight. I'm really frustrated, so if you don't want to read a rant, you might want to leave now. :) <BR> <BR> I know my body isn't a robot that will do X if I do Y. BUT, with all the nutrition and health info out there and basic physics, some laws of science do apply. <BR> <BR> If I am taking in less calories than I burn, I will lose weight. <BR> <BR> There is nothing to explain why I'm gaining. Not sodium, not TOM, not anything I'm doing or not... Fri, 2 Oct 2015 15:20:14 EST Crawling still counts as moving forward <img src=""> It's so hard to keep going sometimes when I don't see progress. I'm trying to stay in the moment. I'm making healthy choices, getting some movement, drinking water. The scale is not moving. I know all about NSVs, but I'm not seeing any of them, either. The weather is grey, I'm still recovering from the flu, and I'm about to lose a childhood friend to stomach cancer. I know what advice I wou... Wed, 30 Sep 2015 15:28:17 EST Trying <img src=""> <BR> I've been sick for a week and I'm slowly getting better. <BR> <BR> Today I'm trying to focus on the present and not look at the scale or the exercise I haven't done since I got sick. I know it's a waste of time and energy to wish for the time that's already gone. I'm trying not to look ahead either, at the fact that I have over 200 pounds to lose to get to what's considered a healthy weight. ... Tue, 29 Sep 2015 15:09:11 EST Don't weigh yourself when you're sick and other lessons learned the hard way. Somehow I've gained 7 pounds since I came down with the flu. <BR> <BR> I "know" it's probably fluid body is busy fighting off germs. <BR> <BR> Regardless, it's hard to not be upset. I can throw a ton of logic at it, but inside me I want to cry and maybe punch a pillow. <BR> <BR> I'm over 400 pounds. According to all the math, my BMR is 2585. You have to burn 3500 cals to lose a pound. With my daily calories, I should be losing at least 2 pounds a week. Not gaining ... Sat, 26 Sep 2015 15:11:39 EST The plague and other stuff Well, well, well. <BR> <BR> My husband got sick on Monday. I blame the people he works with that have kids. With kids back in school now, they're spreading their nasty little kid germs hither and yon. Thanks a ton! <BR> <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> In spite of my best efforts to avoid whatever nastiness the husband caught, I'm now infected with it. Body aches, fever, congestion, chills. All the usual suspects. <BR> <BR> When I get sick, all I want is carbs. Ramen, noodle soup, ric... Thu, 24 Sep 2015 12:16:23 EST OK, so I'm Sparking like all-get-out... ...but how do I find time for the rest of my real life?? <BR> <BR> This pic cracks me up: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> But for realz, yo, how do we Spark without spending all day here? I'm interested to hear how much time you all spend on here, and how you manage your time so that the rest of your life off Spark is in balance? <BR> <BR> Entering my food, logging my exercise, reading helpful info, giving suppo... Tue, 22 Sep 2015 18:02:04 EST Balance? Whassat?? Whew, <BR> <BR> I've been crazy-busy the past few days. It's really a full-time job keeping up with what's going on here, plus tracking food, exercising, cooking, meal-planning, grocery-listing, etc. etc. etc. <BR> <BR> I'm desperately trying to recruit new members to the "400 (more or less)" team. HINT-HINT!! <BR> <link><BR>ndividual.asp?gid=15146 </link> <BR> <BR> We don't have any requirements. We aren't competing with other teams. You don't... Sun, 20 Sep 2015 17:53:19 EST Now I've done it! I'm now one of the leaders of a team here, the "400 (more or less)" Team. <BR> <BR> It needs active members!! While you might not be 400 or more, you most certainly are "less", and everyone is welcome. <BR> <BR> At this size, I know people face many challenges. One of them is even talking about BEING this size. Spark can be as anonymous as we need it to be. That is one thing that keeps me coming back here. It's a safe haven to talk about anything and everything without judgment and c... Thu, 17 Sep 2015 17:38:04 EST From Zero to Hero The ONE thing that I've not been doing is exercise. It's the hardest thing for me for several reasons: <BR> 1. My size. At over 400 lbs, physical activity is challenging and can actually be dangerous if I'm not smart about it. <BR> 2. I hate it. Always have. Always will. Nothing anyone can say will change this. I'm in my 5th decade of life. I've tried just about every physical activity known to man short of cliff-diving, curling, and snowboarding. In order for me to not hate it, i... Wed, 16 Sep 2015 23:41:54 EST Still here There's something to be said for that. Pretty sure the depression meds I've been taking forever aren't working anymore. <BR> <BR> Hard to be positive when you don't FEEL positive. I'm grateful to have my life, yet seem to be unable to do what I need to in order to be healthy. <BR> <BR> The addiction is crazy-strong. <BR> <BR> But I'm here. <BR> <BR> Thank you to the folks who haven't given up on me. It means everything. Wed, 16 Sep 2015 17:19:03 EST Checking in again - The intestinal plague is starting to go away. I still can't predict what's going to happen after I eat, but at least not EVERY meal results in a mad dash to the "powder room". <BR> <BR> Because the plague wasn't bad enough, I'm also dealing with some peri-menopause stuff, that is best left at that and not described. <BR> <BR> I'm physically exhausted, which is "funny" because I already have CFS. Just when you think you can't BE more tired... <BR> <BR> I wish I had something positive a... Wed, 20 May 2015 12:15:09 EST Checking in - still sick :( Just wanted to say thanks to everyone for well wishes. <BR> <BR> Still have the intestinal mayhem. <BR> <BR> Wishing everyone a healthy weekend. Fri, 15 May 2015 15:25:18 EST ugh. Sick. :( i have some nasty intestinal thing and I just wanted to post in case someone wonders where I am. I'll be back. :) Tue, 12 May 2015 15:34:51 EST I'm so hungry. And so what? <BR> <BR> It's not like I haven't had any food today. I know there are people in our world that eat less in a week than I ate today. So far! <BR> <BR> How spoiled am I? My stomach growls, therefore I must put something in it? I'll have my dinner in about an hour. Fresh asparagus, roasted new potatoes, crab cakes baked in the oven. I am so very fortunate. I had eggs for breakfast, a great salad with chicken for lunch, fresh fruit. Some people in this world will never... Fri, 8 May 2015 18:26:41 EST Tool Box for Recovery - let's dust off this bad boy and take a look, shall we? I think it's time to open this up and pull out anything and everything I need to get back on the path to health. <BR> <BR> All of these things helped me in the past. When I am at my lowest and darkest, I have a hard time believing that anything will help me. I lose hope, temporarily, and while I know it will eventually pass, in those moments I simply don't see it. <BR> <BR> I'm grateful for a new day. I'm thankful for the friends I have here, who refuse to give up on me. I'm happy tha... Thu, 7 May 2015 10:26:59 EST Why can't I stop? I just don't get it. Years of this. YEARS. Therapy weekly, medication. <BR> <BR> I am killing myself with food. No reason to sugarcoat it (no pun intended). I read that and I "know" it's truw, and I hear it, but it somehow doesn't sink in. Do I truly not care about what happens to me? I find it so hard to believe. Yet, it is a fact. I'm over 50, got Type 2 diabetes in 2005, and clock in at about 430 lbs today. <BR> <BR> Where is the disconnect? I'm not a bad person. I certainl... Fri, 1 May 2015 14:56:34 EST So much easier to stick with it when I stick with it. Yeah, that makes no sense LOL. Or it's a keen insight to the obvious. BUT, I have noticed over these many years that if I don't eat The Usual Suspects, the struggle is much less difficult than when I have an "allowable" amount of sugar/simple carbs. <BR> <BR> Everyone is different and it's clear that some people can incorporate every type of food into their meals and lose weight. <BR> <BR> But, if I do that, the part of my brain that craves a binge, wakes up and starts screaming for mor... Sat, 25 Apr 2015 14:18:33 EST Newmoon's FULL FIGURE FABULOUS FASHION FRIDAY! PART ONE OK, I'm not promoting or even listing websites for these clothes. If you want to know where they're from, all you need to do is a search on the common plus-size websites and you will find them. I am not affiliated with any of the companies. I just love clothing and I think we all deserve to look as fabulous on the outside as we are on the inside. <BR> <BR> Today, I'm focusing on the Maxi-Dress. I'm so so so glad that they are in style. I have lymphodema, which causes my legs to swell ... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:43:04 EST Sugar and "simple" carbs are Satan's Snacks LOL First of all, HI AGAIN! I keep coming back here. You can't get rid of me! :) <BR> <BR> I posted some time ago about how I discovered the major impact sugar and processed carbs have on my emotions. As I get older, and my hormones do all kinds of wacky zany stuff, I find that if I consume any quantity of white bread or pasta, or something like a scone or a cupcake, all Hell breaks loose. I will hit rock bottom emotionally, and cry uncontrollably. And then there's the uber-grouchiness, li... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 09:16:40 EST Still trying. After a few weeks of weight watchers, I starting gaining. I was extremely disgusted and sort of gave up. <BR> <BR> I had an appt to see my Dr last week and we talked about the point allowance that was assigned and it's obviously too high. I think I am much more sedentary than whatever is built into the WW calculations. <BR> <BR> Also, my Dr, prescribed a medication for Binge Eating Disorder, called Vyvanse. My insurance company won't release it without a bunch of stuff from the Dr. s... Mon, 13 Apr 2015 10:39:11 EST One week of WW I lost 7 pounds in the 8 days since I decided to start WW (again). <BR> <BR> Their Points Plus system is different from what I did with them before, and it's been so long since I officially signed up that it's taken some adjusting (what? I don't use calories?), but I'm getting in the groove. <BR> <BR> If you're reading this and you're in your 20's, 30's and 40's, LOSE YOUR WEIGHT NOW. <BR> <BR> Trust me, the older you get, the harder the weight sticks. I mean, this stuff does NOT wan... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 17:32:53 EST Carbs and depression I've noticed that carbs have a huge impact on my mood lately. <BR> <BR> I know the nutritional info and how carbs metabolize, so it makes sense, BUT lately their impact is really drastic. <BR> <BR> For example, I had some pumpernickel bread for lunch today. Here I am, an hour or so later, crying because I read a sad post on another message board about someone having to have their dog put down. <BR> <BR> I felt fine until just recently. Nothing in my life is happening to cause this sad... Sun, 8 Mar 2015 17:05:17 EST "Are my friends and family making me fat?" Warning: Mini-Rant I think maybe it's the full moon, but everything is irritating me today. <BR> <BR> This article is here on Spark: <BR> <link><BR>on_articles.asp?id=909 </link> <BR> <BR> I haven't read it, because of the whole easily-irritated thing going on, and I'm sure it's well-meant and helpful, like pretty much everything on Spark. <BR> <BR> BUT <BR> <BR> No one is making us fat. Unless we are strapped down and food is being rammed down our throats, we're d... Fri, 6 Mar 2015 10:58:27 EST A letter to me, from me Dear Me, <BR> I know you're in there and I want to take this time to tell you that I am trying so very hard to do what I have to, to get you out. <BR> <BR> You are yearning to have your life back, I know. You dream of walking the streets of NYC, of New Orleans, of Philadelphia again. Your heart hurts to look at pictures and know that your physical body is in such poor shape that all you can do is WISH you were there and remember how happy it made you. <BR> <BR> I know how much you wan... Thu, 5 Mar 2015 09:55:11 EST Starting WW Online tomorrow - Need a reboot I just signed up for WW online. I start tomorrow. I have been trying to do this on my own and I need more structure and discipline right now. <BR> <BR> I've done WW several times before, so it's nothing I don't already know. BUT, tracking points instead of calories, etc. will give my brain the change it needs to switch things up. <BR> <BR> I wish with all my heart that I could afford to go back to the facility in NC. I hate that only the reasonably well-off can afford a place that k... Tue, 3 Mar 2015 21:32:41 EST Oh, yeah, it's back. About a week ago, I woke up and the hideous food addiction/binge eating disorder, or whatever you want to call it, was gone. <BR> <BR> And it stayed gone. <BR> <BR> Until Saturday afternoon. It came back in a big whoosh and I was so disappointed that I cried. <BR> <BR> Having that time without it constantly in my head was like being freed from prison. If anyone knows what B.E.D/food addiction feels like, it is like having some creature inside you, poking at you almost constantly. Wh... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 09:00:26 EST So, let's go shopping for dresses. OK, here are the dresses that come in 8X. <BR> <BR> Knowing that I am 5'7", 417, and have almost no "bosom", I feel pretty certain I need to stick to the A-Line, and probably go with the Empire Waist. I want to avoid "shiny" fabric, because it catches light and shadow and makes you look even bigger than you are. <BR> <BR> All of these dresses come with a matching shawl, which I will convert to a jacket, using a spiffy trick I saw on youtube. These upper arms will NOT be out and about fo... Sat, 7 Feb 2015 14:12:52 EST Waking up without Food Addiction I woke up just a bit ago and something is missing. The thoughts of food. The wanting to eat for the sake of eating. Gone. I'm sitting here, stunned. Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth. But, it's as if someone waved a magic wand and **POOF**, it's gone. <BR> <BR> I am no fool, and I am not allowing myself to think that whatever is in my brain that flipped that switch on, somehow shifted, and turned that switch off permanently. <BR> <BR> BUT, I am going to... Sat, 7 Feb 2015 10:29:55 EST Angry today and don't want to be HANGRY today I'm blogging right now in an attempt to avoid turning anger into Hanger (hungry anger). <BR> <BR> I just read a headline where another company was hacked and 80 million people have that their personal info stolen. It's a healthcare company, and you can find it online if you want the specifics. <BR> <BR> My husband's info was used last year to file a fraudulent tax return with the IRS. We didn't even know until I tried to file our tax return and it was rejected. This has happened to a... Thu, 5 Feb 2015 11:29:06 EST Dresses up to 8X! Huzzah! First off, if I haven't thanked you yet... <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> For your support, for your ideas, etc. <BR> <BR> I found several sites and an ebay seller that sell beautiful formal dresses up to 6x. <BR> <BR> I found TWO sites that sell beautiful formal dresses up to 8X. Actually one of them has only one dress that big, but it's beautiful. <BR> <BR> The other site has quite a variety of formal dresses up to 8X. Since I... Tue, 3 Feb 2015 16:07:30 EST