NARNIAROSE2003's SparkPeople Blog NARNIAROSE2003's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community To Cut or Not to Cut, That is the Question... So when I was still in the throes of my months-long binge, I had reconnected with the practice that did my gastric bypass surgery in 2001. They told me that I might be a candidate for lap-band over RNY if certain things line up. So I went for a chest X-ray and tomorrow I have an upper endoscopy. I think after that I have a consultation with the doctor and will know if I am a candidate. <BR> <BR> The question is - now that I'm back in control, do I risk surgery? Not sure. I have proven ... Tue, 30 Aug 2016 16:42:01 EST SCHEDULE it - you're worth it! One of the things I've found to be most helpful to me is to be sure and SCHEDULE time each day to be healthy. Not just fitness, although that's definitely the main thing I make sure I plan ahead for; but also time for Sparkpoints. Now I know you're saying all the things I did - what? Schedule something ELSE into my day? Are you crazy? But in reality, for me, even when I was younger and had the kids at home and was working two jobs - there was time. Think about it - how much time do you ... Mon, 29 Aug 2016 08:32:35 EST The Beast is Back! Been back in "beast" mode now for 7 days and it feels GREAT. Did laps in the pool for 30 minutes straight today. Beat my first day record by 6 laps! Then did strength training for 30 minutes. Got one question though - how many calories do you burn getting into a sports bra? HOLY COW. Trying to get that stupid thing on right after getting out of the pool was hilarious! Only my well-endowed friends will understand, I'm sure. LOL. <BR> <BR> <img src=" Sun, 28 Aug 2016 15:32:25 EST Leaves of Change Fall Challenge Goals I was invited by my new Sparkfriend AMY_1217 to join the Leaves of Change Fall Challenge, so I did! She also challenged our Team members to post our Fall goals so here are mine: <BR> <BR> 1. Log in to Sparkpeople every day. <BR> 2. Track my nutrition and water intake every day. <BR> 3. Continue my current NO BINGE streak and eat intuitively, EVEN WHEN I'M OUT OF TOWN because I have a few days away this month for training (a trigger for me in the past). Hey! I actually got a great idea.... Sat, 27 Aug 2016 14:36:01 EST Still Sparking! Awesome day yesterday! Dinner with friends and totally ate intuitively. Stayed way under my recommended calories for the day - which I DON'T like to do. It seems if I don't eat enough, it makes me plateau. So will work on that. But I also did tons of exercise, so it's tough to make it up in one day. No worries - I'm here and still sparking! Happy Saturday, everyone! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Sat, 27 Aug 2016 11:04:14 EST Super Tracey to the Rescue! I was on call last night but it was pretty quiet. Got up at 6:00 am and went to the office. Got done at 8:00 am and headed to the new Publix for some groceries. My good friend (who is a chef) is coming over to dinner with his wife. We're both supposed to do appetizers - yeah right. I'm not even trying to out cook a chef. So Publix to the rescue! I got stuff that I can eat, too, that is in my healthy habits realm. Got to the entrance of my neighborhood and my husband was pulling out. ... Fri, 26 Aug 2016 10:55:41 EST Shut Up! Was tired this morning because I didn't sleep so well last night. I was having that whole conversation in my head "you deserve a rest day- you've done so well - blah, blah, blah." A louder voice said, "You still have time to make it to the water aerobics class." So I told that other voice to SHUT UP, got my suit on and headed out the door. Feeling like a BOSS. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Thu, 25 Aug 2016 13:05:04 EST Day 4 and Still Binge Free No idea what flipped the switch, but I'm back in the groove. Been swimming laps every morning to start the day. THAT definitely makes a difference and is something I had already learned - exercise first thing in the day is the BEST for me. It sets the tone for the rest of the day, gives me more energy, makes me feel motivated, keeps me from wanting to eat poorly (don't want to "undo" the work I did), staves off depression, makes me feel powerful and accomplished - and is truly one of the "... Wed, 24 Aug 2016 15:29:03 EST Inner Child Hey, don't laugh. I didn't much believe in this stuff either. But she's in there. And she's been hurting for 54 years. She's been feeling shameful, dirty, ugly and unloved. She was neglected and abused and didn't deserve ANY of it. I have listened to the lies about her and hated her, too. <BR> <BR> I was wrong. <BR> <BR> She is smart. She is very talented. She is beautiful. She is loving and WORTHY of love - MY LOVE. I can't say I know her well. I've been doing my best to pret... Mon, 22 Aug 2016 15:22:20 EST New Tools Hey guys. You all know I've been struggling for months now. It's been bad - maybe the worst in years. No idea why. <BR> <BR> But I'm not focusing on that today. I am taking steps to make changes again. I won't give up. I refuse to. <BR> <BR> I am going to therapy - doing the "inner child" thing. You can laugh if you want, but I know that those voices in my head came from somewhere. They've been REALLY LOUD and I want to shut them up. So I think I need to talk directly to them a... Sun, 21 Aug 2016 11:23:43 EST WTH I just worked out....and I feel so DOWN. That scares the crap out of me. I think (hope) it's the cold weather. I HATE winter.... But I'm going to fake it until I feel it. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Wed, 6 Jan 2016 06:42:47 EST Move Over! I am back on the wagon. :) <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Tue, 5 Jan 2016 19:04:05 EST Happy Holidays Indeed! Hello, SP Friends! I have been off the grid due to many exciting events. I haven't done very well with my healthy habits - and I'm not going to waste time making excuses. Today is a new day and that part of me is back on track. Now, to celebrate so many things! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> 1. CHRISTMAS - Started with a quiet Christmas with just me and Gary when he surprised me with... <BR> <BR> <img src... Sun, 27 Dec 2015 10:23:17 EST Still Here! This has been a busy week. Had yesterday off and spent several hours finishing up Christmas shopping, wrapping a ton of presents, and getting ready for our Holiday Open House on Sunday (including cleaning the entire house). The menu is going to include meatballs, pizza rolls, bacon-wrapped cocktail weiners (also known as crack!), chicken wings, sandwiches, white chicken chili, chips, dip, two kinds of cake, chocolate cookies, vanilla cookies, hot cider, wine, soft drinks and water! We have a ... Sat, 12 Dec 2015 12:06:39 EST Family.... sheesh. I love my birth family, but things were not great for me as a child - nor for my brothers. Long story I don't have time to tell now. Caused me to have a CRAPPY day yesterday. Today I was good. I will tell the story when I have time, though, because I think there's some lessons there. Hope you all had a great Monday. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Mon, 7 Dec 2015 20:41:27 EST A Little Help From My Sparkfriends? Whew - it's amazing to me how quickly my moods can quickly I can go from the highest high to the lowest low... maybe that's why my doctor made me fill out an assessment for Bi-Polar Disorder (which I don't have, thank the gods). Last night I was having a great time with my sweetie out to dinner and then in the park for Christmas carols. This morning I woke up and the skies are grey, the weather is foggy... and I'm tired and depressed. No motivation... <BR> <BR> Well, that's... Sun, 6 Dec 2015 09:05:06 EST Loving the Holidays! Went last night to help with the foster family Christmas party. I did the "Name That Holiday Tune" booth and my boyfriend, Gary, helped me. What a fun night! So many things that filled my heart with joy....the faces of the children....the amazing people who open their hearts and home to these children, often only for a season, and change their lives forever....watching my co-workers who put in such long, difficult hours working with families and still have the energy to smile, laugh, and giv... Sat, 5 Dec 2015 12:41:08 EST REALLY Feeling Tired....but it's Friday! Decided that today might be my exercise rest day. I just packed up my gear for the gig tonight and I'm just really feeling tired. I know being tired is a danger zone, though, so I'm packing my food and keeping my mind engaged nonetheless. Looking forward to the weekend and a chance to recharge. I will definitely do walking, but might give the more hardcore stuff a rest. Happy Friday! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Fri, 4 Dec 2015 05:56:34 EST Is It Friday Yet? Starting to feel a little tired, which makes perfect sense when you get up at 5:00 am most mornings and don't get home before 6:00 most nights. Good news is that I'm just NOW starting to feel tired. Used to be Mondays when I was already asking, "Is it Friday yet?" Yay! <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I have a busy workday, then Gary and I are helping at our Foster Parents Holiday Party. I'm doing a "Name That Holiday Tune" booth and Gary is going to be my elf. I am also leading carols. So in the mo... Thu, 3 Dec 2015 20:43:02 EST Sore abs.... OMG - I have abs!! I knew they were in their somewheres! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Wed, 2 Dec 2015 18:02:28 EST November Stats Well, I weighed this morning and the verdict is in.... <BR> <BR> I MUST BE DOING IT RIGHT! I didn't lose any "new" weight, but I did lose that 5 pounds that showed up the last time I cheated and weighed and freaked out. What I did lose was INCHES - 10.5 in total! Three inches from my waist, 1 inch off my hips, 3.5 inches from my thighs, and 3" in my neck. That's pretty cool! I can tell my clothes are looser, I'm feeling stronger and more flexible, I have more stamina. I'M DOING THIS.... Tue, 1 Dec 2015 19:57:45 EST Tomorrow is Weigh Day Except for one slip up (which created an explosion in the universe because it was so bad and shocking) I have waited faithfully to keep my commitment to weigh only once a month on the first of each month. I'm also going to take my measurements. But because the scale can be deceptive (particularly when you start a more intensive workout that builds muscles, like I have), I wanted to consider all the other things I've done this month so that the scale will not cause me to lose heart. During t... Mon, 30 Nov 2015 18:38:14 EST It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas! Enjoyed a very productive but stress-relieving day. Put up some new curtains in my breakfast nook and decorated the table with Christmas placemats and a tree. Decorated the outside of the house with Gary. Did all the laundry. Finished my Christmas cards. Paid bills. Practiced some solo stuff - going to do a "side" gig at the local restaurant soon. Put up three pop lights. Did some paperwork to get a jump on the week at the office. Made tea and boiled eggs. Going to pack my breakfast,... Sun, 29 Nov 2015 18:51:49 EST It Always Works! Lots of triggers for me this month. Struggling daily with some kind of underlying sadness. But the minute I get off my duff and do some exercise - it's gone! Went for a 45 minute walk with my boyfriend (so happy he did it with me!), then gained more energy to get all the Christmas stuff out, get the tree up and decorated, too! Tonight we're going out to see a friend's band and scope out another band that's our biggest competition. So I'll be dancing a lot later! Going to get the outside ... Sat, 28 Nov 2015 16:12:00 EST SparkCoach Task: 5 Great Reasons To Workout 1. To get more energy <BR> 2. To reach my goals <BR> 3. To fight depression <BR> 4. To fight anxiety <BR> 5. To sleep better <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Fri, 27 Nov 2015 19:27:48 EST 7-Day Goal for SparkCoach This week I WILL track at least 45 minutes of fitness daily. Thu, 26 Nov 2015 18:06:34 EST Happy Thanksgiving! I am with my oldest son and daughter-in-law in Columbia, SC. He is a Drill Sgt at Ft. Jackson and she is 8 months pregnant with my Granddaughter who shall be named Maeva Elaine. Bless his heart, he just got a load of privates so didn't get home until 5:00 am. He doesn't have to be back until 5:00 am tomorrow so at least I get to see him today. He said he has to feed his privates Thanksgiving dinner. Then they do PT until they all throw up. I guess I should be saying "bless THEIR hearts." Mean... Thu, 26 Nov 2015 08:19:23 EST Ugh Bad day. Not going to dwell. Tomorrow is another day. I GOT THIS. No...Really. Tue, 24 Nov 2015 21:47:53 EST SparkCoach Assignment In one word how do I feel today? CONTROLLED Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:35:25 EST Anniversary Dates? Not sure what's up, but last night and today, I suddenly got EXTREMELY emotional and irritable. My poor boyfriend was like, "What is up with you?" Still not sure, but I think it might be anniversary dates. Those are "triggers" that cause feelings to come up from past experiences and you may not even know what they were. For example, kids who have been abused and neglected might suddenly exhibit challenging behaviors when something "triggers" a memory. (If they entered foster care in the ... Sun, 22 Nov 2015 20:08:01 EST Wow - Clarity is SUCH an Amazing Thing I haven't missed a day of exercise in....well, weeks. Yesterday was the first time in awhile that I didn't start the day with exercise. I was just sitting here feeling very anxious and a little emotional - for no particular reason. <BR> <BR> Well, DUH. There is a reason - NO EXERCISE. I haven't felt hardly any anxiety, depression, and my energy has been through the roof. THAT'S the benefit of daily, morning exercise for ME. Plus I ate part of a cheesecake yesterday. Don't get me wrong, ... Sat, 21 Nov 2015 10:04:31 EST Friday Exhausted. Was able to work only 8 hours so that was nice. Had dinner out with my love. Have a gig tomorrow. First day I can remember in a long time that I didn't exercise, but I'm so tired. Chilling now and going to get a good night's sleep. Have a great weekend! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Fri, 20 Nov 2015 19:25:22 EST Late Afternoon STRESSIES Not going to call it MUNCHIES because I'm making sure I'm not hungry. Days like the last two are a struggle just about 3:30 because I'm on the run CONSTANTLY, on the phone CONSTANTLY, in the car doing home visits CONSTANTLY, and stressing because my documentation is behind, did I check on this?, did I check on that?, etc., etc. <BR> <BR> TODAY I WILL BE THE MASTER OF MY STRESS. I will not let it get the best of me. I have worked too hard and I'm continuing to work hard. Today I will ta... Thu, 19 Nov 2015 05:53:14 EST Ditto What I said yesterday.. But more. I GOT THIS. Wed, 18 Nov 2015 21:06:33 EST A Day in the Life.... ...of a social worker. In one day - child sexual abuse, domestic violence, animal cruelty, extreme filth, emotional abuse, suicide, inappropriate discipline, drug-exposed infant, and homelessness. No wonder I'm fried..... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Tue, 17 Nov 2015 20:12:33 EST Almost Level 18! Just need a little over 70 points! That's pretty cool. It's a real motivator for me. I love getting the team digests on Sundays. Of the 5 teams I'm in, I'm almost always in the top five for both spark points AND fitness minutes! Plus I really make sure I EARN those Sparkpoints. It would be easy to just click on those Sparkpoints and lie - but why would you do that? It's for YOU. And if you really do the Sparkpoints daily, it requires that you track everything, read and educate yourself... Mon, 16 Nov 2015 20:25:47 EST Holiday Cards! I love the tradition of sending and receiving holiday cards. If you want to be included in the fun, please send me a sparkmail with your address so I can send you some holiday cheer! I am so grateful for you all and consider you part of the family of my heart. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Sun, 15 Nov 2015 18:06:23 EST Sunday Update Great gig last night! Got home and in bed around 3:00 am. Up at 8:35. Still tired, but trying to get motivated. Going to unpack my gear and get my room set back up in a bit, do a little exercise, then do some other work, then chill. Restful Sunday to you all. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. <BR> Sun, 15 Nov 2015 12:40:57 EST I Cheated.... ...but not on food. I cheated by looking at that darned scale! Sheesh. I had made a commitment to only weigh once a month so I'm not so fixated on the numbers but on the results. Well, I got on it thinking...1 pound? 2? Oooh, what if it's 3? And then.... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> A FOUR POUND GAIN. What the hell? How can that POSSIBLY be right? I've exercised every morning, eaten right, been on SP... Sat, 14 Nov 2015 11:04:15 EST Loopy Post Ahead Took drugs, had dental work done, no panic attacks. Yay. Still loopy though and tired. "Sleeping it off" so I can get back to work tomorrow. <BR> <BR> In other news, my boyfriend bought me the Shure 58 mic and new boom stand I wanted. I iz spoiled. Yay. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Thu, 12 Nov 2015 17:28:42 EST Thank You Veterans! My son is a Drill Sergeant in the US Army and I'm so proud of him. Thank you to all of our military and our Veterans. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Wed, 11 Nov 2015 07:53:15 EST A Special Anniversary - 35 Years of Living Life I saw the date on my computer - November 10th - and realized that today is my anniversary. 35 years ago on November 10th, 1980, I was a troubled 18 year old college Freshman, who was so tired of the pain of my life, that I tried to end it. I actually tried for 3 days in a row, taking all kinds of pills and leaving a detailed letter about how sorry I was for being the awful person that I was, and each day - I woke up, with no effects at all. On this day 35 years ago, I took a bottle of slee... Tue, 10 Nov 2015 19:56:26 EST Terrific Tuesday Poor Tuesday. Kind of gets a bum rap - too soon in the week for anyone to get all excited about it. BUT! Today Tuesday gets to be a FRIDAY! Go Tuesday! We have tomorrow off for Veteran's Day. I'm going to work late tonight to get some paperwork caught up, then enjoy tomorrow off. Then....the dreaded Thursday will be here and I go back to try the dentist again.... BUT TODAY IS TUESDAY AS A FRIDAY! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Tue, 10 Nov 2015 05:50:01 EST Manic Monday So much for "I think I'll stay in the office today and catch up on paperwork on this rainy day." Ended up with a new sexual abuse case and hit the ground running, then taught the Monday night children's group for a total of 12 hours with no break. Home now. Ate well, exercised first thing this morning so always assured of getting in my fitness. Tomorrow will probably be another 12 hour day but at least I get Wednesday off. Happy Monday everyone! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Mon, 9 Nov 2015 20:38:55 EST Crazy NC Weather It was almost 80 on Friday and so humid you could wash a donkey's butt. Yesterday it was beautiful. Today is overcast, rainy and in the '50's. LOL - welcome North Cackalacky! I'm in my pajama's and my boyfriend's wooly socks with my hair in pig tails. Going to cook a healthy omelette in a few. Going to get my gear back in the Diva room in a little while, practice a bit today, workout and cook some dinner. Have a great Sunday! Sun, 8 Nov 2015 09:07:18 EST "Being Numb No Longer Suits Me" I was reading my new People magazine (don't judge me - lol) and there's an article about Shonda Rhimes. She is the producer of Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. She also has lost over 100 pounds and is quite inspirational. A quote from her just really struck me: "Food makes you feel better. It numbs you. The thing is? Being numb no longer suits me." Wow - that is totally it! Once you finally throw off that blanket - that heavy, heavy blanket - of despair and depression, of mindless binging... Sat, 7 Nov 2015 21:21:29 EST Feeling Empowered Every time I feel like I may not be making progress, I remember where I once was. I couldn't walk without pain. I binged ate carbs several times a day. I only bought clothes because I found something that fit, not because it was what I wanted. I was depressed. I isolated. I was miserable. NOW I have healthy HABITS. I enjoy eating well. I enjoy exercise. I LIVE LIFE! Fri, 6 Nov 2015 11:19:25 EST Court Today and Rockin' Tonight! Have to testify this morning, then have a new case to initiate. Got a gig tonight! Happy Friday! Fri, 6 Nov 2015 08:50:33 EST So In Love Had a totally blah day yesterday, but having my habits in place carried me through. MANY TIMES there was that voice trying to get me to lapse into old "comfort" habits, but the stronger voice was the one saying, "Don't do it! You'll feel like crap and this mood stuff will get worse!" Very cool to see that happening. Then when I got home, my Gary had bought me flowers to cheer me up. I love him so much. <BR> <BR> <img src=" Thu, 5 Nov 2015 07:21:58 EST Feeling the Effects of the Rain Got up this morning to workout as is now my habit (YAY *Kermit arms*) - but my energy wasn't there. I did my workouts and I do feel better, but I can feel that "mood" thing just under the surface. Not sure if it's hormones, the weather (I HATE RAIN) or what; but it bears acknowledging. Probably should call this the danger zone - because on most days like this, the old me would TOTALLY lapse into "comfort" eating and then feel like crap and get more depressed and binge - rinse and repeat. ... Wed, 4 Nov 2015 05:53:55 EST