NARNIAROSE2003's SparkPeople Blog NARNIAROSE2003's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Struggling....with fears... I still struggle with talking about things completely honestly, without fear. I still don't fully know why. This week has been difficult since the back injury. I need to get back on track again - and I KNOW I WILL. So I'm not afraid of that. I need to talk to my boyfriend about some feelings/thoughts (most of which are probably COMPLETELY unfounded and come from that stupid VOICE that never shuts up) but I'm afraid to. I don't think he'll understand, or he'll SEE ME - and then he'll wan... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 09:56:55 EST "Progress Over Perfection" Once again, a beautiful Sparkfriend (Hi, _Babe_!) has inspired a blog. Her title on her page is "Progress Over Perfection" and means (if I interpret it correctly) that we are on a JOURNEY and that each day is about making progress towards our goals. I fully support that. I can even support with SCRIPTURE. (Okay - someone help that Sparkfriend off the floor and give them a drink of water.) Yes, I said SCRIPTURE. I have a degree in Religious Education and I was a minister in the Baptist, ... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 08:35:36 EST Struggling with Depression... Not like I used to. Things are easier because I have someone in my life that loves me and cares SO MUCH about my happiness. It's such a wonderful thing. But I still feel it sometimes - that "just under the skin" feeling of emotions, sadness, wanting to cry - something only folks that really have clinical depression (SAD or otherwise) can understand. I can really tell that it's so hard to manage when I'm not exercising. My appt yesterday went well. I think I'm getting better everyday - t... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 09:32:24 EST To the Chiro We Go... Second chiro appt today. Much improved, but still not totally healed. SCARY STUFF. I have a gig on Saturday so I'm going to take it easy until then. I don't want to miss! I will be glad, though, to be back on my regular routine. Too easy to feel sorry for myself and get tempted to eat badly. Don't like that! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Thu, 23 Jan 2014 08:55:06 EST CHEAT DAY - The Worst Bill of Goods You'll Ever Sell Yourself! I wrote this in response to one of my beautiful Sparkfriends blog and decided I needed to hear it myself, so now it's my blog today: <BR> <BR> I am going to give you my two cents on the whole "cheat day" philosophy. IT STINKS. I think it totally underscores that whole misconception we have had our entire lives that FOOD IS COMFORT, FOOD IS A REWARD, FOOD LOVES ME - BULL SH%T. FOOD IS FUEL. PERIOD. On my start page, I have that as one of my Goal Motivators - FOOD IS FUEL. If I want my ... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 10:36:23 EST Old Youtube Videos I am a Child Welfare professional and I was looking on Youtube at adoptuskids stuff. I did some videos for a national campaign back in about 2007 or 2008. They are still on there! I weighed about 355 or more then. Here's one: <BR> <BR> <link><BR>list=PLrnqfGGLD7c_AueXdtQLCG3dlPsRV03H_ </link> <BR> <BR> And my daughter Tiffany is in this video. She's the first child wearing the blue shirt (she's such a beauty): <BR> <BR> <BR> <link> Sun, 19 Jan 2014 17:10:51 EST Highway to the Danger Zone Well, I went to the party last night. My goal was to EAT NOTHING. Mostly because I know how when I get something in my mouth and it tastes and feels SO GOOD - I want more. So the first thing I got? PUNCH....with RUM. <BR> <BR> HUH????!!! Big mistake. I kept saying no to my boyfriend who was TRYING to get me to eat some of the healthy stuff that was there. There was plenty of it! Meats, cheeses, mushrooms - all of which I could/should have eaten and could/would have eaten in the prop... Sun, 19 Jan 2014 09:39:39 EST Injuries Suck... ...that is all. <BR> <BR> Except... <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. <BR> <BR> Sat, 18 Jan 2014 17:00:38 EST Ready for the Weekend and Planning for Pitfalls I have learned to think ahead about any pitfalls. If I decide NOW what I'm going to eat/drink/do - THEN I usually do it. Leaving it to chance is a prescription for failure. SO this weekend, one of my friends is having a "Break Your Resolutions" party - complete with LOTS of decadent food and drinks. Well, I'm going! I love parties! Love my friends! But I love being in control MORE. I love healthy living MORE. I love making progress MORE. So I have already decided to eat before I go.... Fri, 17 Jan 2014 13:18:56 EST Just for Fun: Borrowed from ADARKARA A is for Age: 51! <BR> B is for Booze: White Wine (sweet),Vodka Tonic or Bloody Mary <BR> C is for Car: Kia Sorento <BR> D is for Dad's name: Ralph Herbert Tucker <BR> E is for Ego: I think this guy is important! As long as he keeps you centered and not THE center of the universe. <BR> F is for Favorite song or music: Symphonic metal, of course! <BR> G is for Goof off thing to do: Anything with my boyfriend and the beach. <BR> H is for Hometown: Cuero, TX <BR> I is for IQ: Who knows? I g... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 12:37:53 EST Koko Fitness Got a cool deal from (tell them narniarose2003@gmail sent you!). 12 Personal trainer sessions for $29! Turns out it is more like a trial of this unique gym, but still a great deal and a great way to really see if you like this place. They have a computer that guides you through strength exercise (which is good for folks like me that might be confused by how to use those machines). Plus it has a webpage that tracks your workouts, your nutrition and progress through use of a ... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 15:09:13 EST Better Things Ahead? Had an interview today for a new job. My current job is the biggest stressor in my life right now. So I felt like the interview went well. The panel told me that they were going to interview for the next two weeks and when they made a decision, the candidate is sent to the Director and has a follow-up interview with the Director. Well, I had only been home about an hour from the interview when my phone rang. It was the Director's secretary calling to schedule an interview with the Direct... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 20:02:10 EST I Faced the Pasta...and WON! I am TOTALLY a food addict - and carbs is my crack cocaine. If I eat carbs, I CRAVE carbs. Plus, I had gastric bypass surgery in 2001 so I don't absorb nutrients like normal folks. I HAVE to eat high protein or I pack on the pounds. Carbs have always been EASIER to eat, too (physically) since the surgery. Anywho - when I'm making healthy choices, I usually steer clear of pasta. I ADORE IT and it fulfills all my food addict cravings (probably similar to heroin addicts who say even the si... Mon, 13 Jan 2014 08:59:43 EST WAXING POETIC PROGRESSO-STYLE! When I went on SP today, I saw an ad for Progresso Soups to Win a Makeover! Sounded like fun, so I decided to enter the contest. You had to write down why you deserved a makeover. So I wrote this: <BR> <BR> I was a pretty, little girl <BR> Who struggled with her weight <BR> And even though I made straight A's <BR> Being big, I didn't rate... <BR> <BR> I found one day that I could sing <BR> And sang with all my heart; <BR> But when I was in Junior High <BR> The skinny girl got the part. <... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 09:56:12 EST GIG TONIGHT! My band has a 4 hour gig tonight. Considering that we lug all that heavy equipment in to set up, play for 4 hours (in which I dance almost the entire time AND sing which burns tons of calories), then lug all that heavy equipment OUT, I think that will be my workout for today. If you live anywhere near Cary, NC - come out! We are at the Abbey Road Tavern and Grill. Rock on!! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Sat, 11 Jan 2014 11:43:36 EST Interval Training is Good Stuff! Had another first yesterday. Went to the gym and walked one lap, jogged the next - for 24 laps (20 laps is a mile). Then walked an additional four laps. In between, I did some strength training. I remember the days when thinking about walking to the mailbox scared me to death. Today - I JOGGED. For about 3/4 of a mile I JOGGED. This stuff is really cool! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Fri, 10 Jan 2014 12:50:13 EST Thursday and Beyond! Going to the gym later this afternoon. I'm a little sore, but VERY PLEASED with the fact that I'm not debilitated by the workout with the trainer yesterday. It shows the overall progess I've made is not gone. Woot! Having a GREAT nutritional week. I love it when I feel so in control of my eating. I know I won't always be this way, so I'm continuing to plan ahead for that. Gary just went to the store to get me some high protein, low carb snacks. I love him so much. He is one of the be... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 10:44:40 EST Personal Trainer Day! Have my first meeting with a Personal Trainer EVER. Pretty excited. It's not NEAR as expensive as I thought it was going to be AND when I consider how much money I used to spend eating out and binging, it's PENNIES - and what better cause can I have than my HEALTH? Right? <BR> <BR> UPDATE: Holy cow - the trainer kicked my butt. When I tried to log all the stuff we did, it didn't look like much; but it was 60 mins that really had me breathing hard fast! I did things I thought I would ne... Wed, 8 Jan 2014 15:33:42 EST Great Monday! Did great yesterday. Kept to all my goals - worked out at the gym, had rehearsal, ate well. Very pleased and feeling in control right now. Freezing cold today! Might be getting a cold, but hard to tell in this Arctic blast. Hope you all are having a great day and staying warm! I think today I'm going to stay in and do a workout video - but exercise WILL HAPPEN. Tue, 7 Jan 2014 10:36:26 EST Tribal Quest in Six Months Happy New Year everyone! I'm still here. Totally slacked up over the holidays and gained back 10 pounds. However, I knew the whole time that I would be getting back on track and I AM. Got Tribal Quest in 6 months! So here are my current goals: <BR> <BR> 1. LOG IN TO SP EVERY DAY AND TRACK. <BR> 2. DRINK 64 OZ. OF WATER DAILY <BR> 3. EXERCISE DAILY (Usually do at least 30 mins, but not going to put a time) <BR> 4. WALK DOGS DAILY (doesn't count as exercise and they need it, too) <B... Mon, 6 Jan 2014 09:54:23 EST Feeling Loved... The other morning I woke up and Gary was looking at me. He said, "I was watching you sleep. You are so cute." Yesterday I came home all sweaty from the gym. He was looking at me and I said, "Don't look at me, I'm all yukky." He said, "What? No you're not. You're beautiful. You have that face. It's always the same - beautiful." <BR> <BR> And when he says those things... I believe him. <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Wed, 13 Nov 2013 07:56:56 EST Holidays are Coming! I am really excited about the holidays this year. Having someone special to share them with for the first time in...well, YEARS will be so great. I started inching up a bit on the scale and I know it's because I still have not been in that committed mode...UNTIL TODAY. I feel good about things today, feel loved, feel in control - and that's such a huge part of my eating issue. I packed my breakfast and lunch AND packed my gym bag. So no excuses today. My project at work is back on track... Tue, 12 Nov 2013 07:21:31 EST Happy Halloween!!! Busy day. But wanted to drop in and say HAPPY HALLOWEEN to all my wonderful Sparkfriends! Have fun and be safe! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Thu, 31 Oct 2013 08:45:15 EST Still Here! Morning, everyone! Still here. Tracked a 3 pound loss today which was encouraging. Going to try my best to get back on REGULAR exercise. I've been eating (mostly) right and staying active but I need to get more committed again. Going to BodyJam at the gym tonight since we're not having rehearsal. Mon, 28 Oct 2013 07:42:04 EST I'm Back!!! Hello, my wonderful Sparkpeople friends! Sorry I've been gone, but life has been UBER hectic - but it's all good! Here is an update from the Rose Garden: <BR> <BR> LOVE LIFE: Gary has moved in! He paid for me to have my entire house renovated and it is SO MUCH NICER. I had been staying at his apt most of the time and loved having our private "sanctuary." But I think I was also using that as an excuse to be away from my responsibilities as a homeowner AND also probably about being in t... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 09:47:17 EST Good Career Exposure But Increased STRESS. I work for a State Gov't agency that is big-time in the news right now. Lots of issues that are making taxpayers angry. When they get angry, they contact the Governor and Senators who contact the agency wanting resolution. I think I already mentioned that I've been managing two large state projects already - both NOT on a Manager's pay because my position was loaned by another Division, blah, blah, blah...but hang in there and we'll get you compensated (it's been a year now). So yesterday... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 19:23:10 EST Good Dress! Yesterday was a very good day. Work is really ramping up, but I love it when I feel challenged and still up to the task set before me. I ate healthy all day (although I realized that when Gary is not home, I STILL have those stupid voices telling me to overeat in secret - what the hell?) and had rehearsal last night. Singing and dancing for 3 hours in a closed garage (so the neighbors won't complain) when it's 90 degrees outside - well, I can't drink enough water to replace what I'm sweati... Tue, 13 Aug 2013 07:58:30 EST Getting Ready for the Move - Inside and Out! Gary is moving in with me. THIS IS HUGE FOR ME. Being in a relationship at ALL is huge for me! I truly think I've found the love of my life (YES, IT CAN HAPPEN AFTER AGE 50) and everyday is just better. We are truly two people whose goal in life is to do all we can to make sure the other is happy. I think that is the secret! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> He was married before and he let her have the house, so he's been living in... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 07:42:14 EST Had A Setback...But I'm Still in the Game! Well, last week I got a REALLY bad summer cold. I had been exercising on a long streak through last Sunday and was feeling FANTASTIC. Then it hit me. I went to work on Monday and by the afternoon I was feeling worse, but I had a scheduled doctor appt to check my BP. My feet and legs had been swelling so I was worried about my BP, since my doctor had taken me OFF my meds several months prior. What a victory that was! Well, my BP was HIGH. The doc was so proud of all my progress and high... Sun, 11 Aug 2013 09:26:15 EST Doctor Today I hate going to the doctor, so I usually keep putting it off until I feel I HAVE to go. Well, I'm retaining fluid and that keeps me from knowing how much weight I'm losing - so I'm going. Not sure what's going on. I went off my blood pressure medicine several months ago, because I was doing so well! But it might be back up regardless, not sure. Either way, I'm tired of swollen feet and legs...yuk. Tired of the scale seeming wonky when I'm working so hard, so off I go. <BR> <BR> <img... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 08:01:50 EST Fun-Filled Weekend is Coming Up! I may not get to blog every day like I have been doing. Too much fun planned! My oldest son (the one currently in Afghanistan) has a new girlfriend that he started dating right before he deployed. I adore her! She has only met me once, but is coming to spend the weekend with my (maybe) future granddog, Brutus! She wants to hear the band and we have a gig tonight so that will kick things off. Tomorrow we are going to the movies (The Conjuring!) and pool and shopping are planned over the ... Thu, 1 Aug 2013 07:13:55 EST It's Payday!! That is all.... <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Wed, 31 Jul 2013 13:01:30 EST Whoever Sang "I Enjoy Being a Girl" Must Have Been a Man Sometimes being a girl sucks. Yesterday pretty much sucked. All day I was UBER hungry, UBER anxious, UBER unfocused and UBER crazy. Just ask my boyfriend (although he is a lamb and says it's not a big deal). <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I hate to admit it, but I do think it's hormonal. I HATE to admit it because I refuse to act my age in all other respects of my life. Hell, the young people whose band I sang with the other n... Tue, 30 Jul 2013 09:50:01 EST Going to Be a BUSY Week! Going to be kind of a crazy, busy week - so what else is new, right? <BR> <BR> MONDAY - MONDAY: I am participating in a Federal Grant Review process as a contractor. Requires a lot of time on the computer and in conference calls and a LOT of reading. I hope I have a capable team for that. You never know what you're going to get because they choose contractors from all over the country with all kinds of backgrounds. I hope I have a "go-getter" team that wants to get things knocked out qu... Mon, 29 Jul 2013 10:06:28 EST Slug Day - Turbo Style! I was going to be a Slug today. Why not? I have worked out really good the past 6 days, had a good work week, was out late last night. AND it is a good idea to rest and not over do it. Didn't work... <BR> <BR> Got up and found myself doing laundry... cooking...decided to walk the dog...just a little walk that turned into 30 minutes and 1.85 miles. I have a lot of energy! I must be doing something right! Is it the exercise? Most likely...YES! Is it the Vitamin D? Most likely...YES! ... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 14:30:35 EST Guest Artist Night! Looking forward to a great day. Still having trouble sleeping at night, but I am sleeping a little better so that's good. Still taking the Vitamin D and hoping it is helping. Gary was sick yesterday, so I spent most of the day petting him and taking care of him. So we didn't go to the pool BUT I took the dog for a 3-mile walk in an hour (not the chihuahua, Gary's beagle mix). Felt fantastic! Also did lots of chores and other "daily active" stuff. <BR> <BR> Tonight is my friend's band... Sat, 27 Jul 2013 10:52:52 EST Fabulous Friday I love Fridays! And today the weather is supposed to be gorgeous so the pool will CERTAINLY be part of the plan today. I am going to do 45 minutes of laps today because the 30 mins I did the other day was pretty easy. Will probably also do another good dog walk - added exercise plus Gary is exercising more now because he's doing those walks with me! I told him I am living to 100, so he has to make it to 109 since he's 9 years older than me! LOL. <BR> <BR> No gig this weekend for Trophy ... Fri, 26 Jul 2013 10:07:33 EST Phenomenal Woman My dear, dear friend - out of the blue - sent me an email today with this poem in it. She said, " It describes YOU." It brought me to tears and humbled me in my tracks. We are ALL, in our own special ways, PHENOMENAL. Something to remember everyday. So here's to ALL my phenomenal women friends!! <BR> <BR> Phenomenal Woman <BR> <BR> Pretty women wonder where my secret lies. <BR> I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size <BR> But when I start to tell them, <BR> They think I'm ... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 17:22:21 EST Stressful - Handled With Care Yesterday was stressful. Several things adding to my stress lately: <BR> <BR> 1. Oldest son is in Afghanistan. 'Nuff said. <BR> 2. Youngest son got fired from job 3 weeks ago. Long story, but I think it may turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to him. Wake up call for him on some issues. He is now in therapy. <BR> 3. Daughter is ALWAYS dealing with issues (fallout from years of abuse with birth family, foster care, mental health issue, etc.). <BR> <BR> No matter how o... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 08:08:16 EST Wednesday...HUMP DAY! What day is it, guys? HUMP DAY!!! LOL. I adore that commercial. That camel is adorable and his excitement infectious. I wish I felt that excited about today! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Not doing terribly, but I had a hard time sleeping again last night. I don't get it because I worked out and was tired last night, but there you go. I did sleep SOME, though, so it's not a total wash. Keep trying to decide what fitness I wa... Wed, 24 Jul 2013 08:17:38 EST Triumphing on Tuesday Good morning,everyone! Hope everyone is feeling good. I SLEPT ALL NIGHT (except for potty breaks :) )! Yesterday was tough - when you are tired, that's when you just want to say "forget it!" and skip workouts and eat badly. I wanted to do that ALL DAY - but I said NO to the Blerch (that stupid voice in your head that talks you into bad habits) and did a GREAT workout and also ignored the urge to eat crap last night. It was even harder because Gary was at hospice (he's a volunteer) and I ... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 07:39:48 EST Victory! REALLY tired this morning. I couldn't sleep at all last night. Not sure what that is about, although I admit to being a constant worrier - just not out loud. I was also just physically exhausted - the whole "too tired to sleep" I think. But I reached out here and on FB to get some motivation and my friends came through! <BR> <BR> Went to the fitness center and did 30 mins on the arc trainer, 15 minutes of strength training (not much, I know - but the arc trainer wore my arms out, too!), ... Mon, 22 Jul 2013 18:12:43 EST Day of Rest Got home at 2:00 am after rocking Apex, NC. Had a great time with the band as always! Played the HELL out of my acoustic guitar. Have a new project in my view - an ELECTRIC guitar! The guys want to teach me some lead so I can really be a rocker chick. I told Gary - it has to be PINK! So I'm looking at something like this: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Pretty cool, huh? Going to rest today and recharge. Back to being a respon... Sun, 21 Jul 2013 09:56:40 EST I Did It! So yesterday I decided to do a workout, even though I had a gig scheduled for last night (since the one the night before got cancelled). So I went to the fitness center (walking - downhill there, uphill back - go figure!). Worked on the Arc Trainer for the first time. Holy cow! What a workout! But really good since I'm training for that obstacle course. I also did some upper body work with dumbbells. Had the gig last night and danced and played my ass off in the July heat - although all... Sat, 20 Jul 2013 11:51:25 EST Ramp It Up So the gig last night got cancelled. Intermittent thunderstorms and we couldn't take the chance of setting up thousands of dollars of equipment with rain coming and going. Have another one tonight, though! <BR> <BR> But I have a dilemma. On the days that I gig, I wasn't going to exercise during the day. The gigs REALLY are a workout for me, so that was going to be my exercise. But yesterday, I ended up with no exercise minutes at all. I think in the future I'll do at least a walk dur... Fri, 19 Jul 2013 09:57:16 EST Sweatin' to the Oldies...and the Newsies! Got three gigs this weekend. Tonight and tomorrow night are the 90+ degrees. O_o Normally I lose about 2 pounds doing a gig anyway - tonight I'm sure it will be more. Pre-rock hydrating <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Thu, 18 Jul 2013 13:14:17 EST Small Victories are the Framework for BIG ONES! Very excited about a small victory this morning. I do best when I pack my breakfast, lunch and snacks the night before. I am not as tempted to eat poorly, not tempted to spend money on eating out, and feel much more in control all day. Well, I didn't do that last night. So this morning, I had that whole "conversation in my head." <BR> <BR> Me: I should go and pack my lunch. <BR> Voice: Why? You have a few bucks in your wallet. Just eat out. <BR> Me: No - I don't need to spend mone... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 08:14:05 EST I'm Different! So I've been noticing that my body is different... I am still overweight. I still have at least 60 pounds that I want to lose. But WOW - I'm different! I cross my legs now without even thinking about it - hey, that's a big deal! I can sit cross-legged. I can walk up hills in 90 degrees and NOT break into a horrendous sweat AND I don't get winded. WOW. I do a 3-4 hour sweat playing rock and roll, and YES I do sweat some, but I also DANCE almost the whole time WHILE SINGING. I don't ev... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 16:36:03 EST By Request! Almost forgot... a couple people were having a hard time finding the video of me singing with my band. So here you go! Not the best recording, but it gives you the idea: <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Mon, 15 Jul 2013 20:02:07 EST And So It Begins.... Tribal Quest training began today! Had a great weekend. Was allowing myself to "cheat" but my good eating habits are so ingrained, that I really didn't cheat at all. Had two gigs (Friday - 3 hours; Saturday - 4 hours) so definitely worked off some calories dancing and singing. Sunday I rested. Today I did 30 mins on the elliptical and 30 mins of supersets on the weight machines. Yeah yeah!!! <BR> <BR> I GOT THIS. Mon, 15 Jul 2013 19:59:57 EST