MSNINALOVE's SparkPeople Blog MSNINALOVE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Sugar-Free Struggles/Check-In Hey all! <BR> <BR> I am doing a brief check-in because I binged last week. No need to go into details, but I binged on something sugary. This left me wondering if completely sugar-free is a good idea... <BR> <BR> I have gone back and forth on trying to find the best diet for me, and I know my body doesn't lose weight if I'm eating sugar/gluten regularly. So I know what I need to do. However, until I have fully surrendered to this reality, I'm not sure if I should continue to go down this r... Tue, 28 Aug 2012 16:24:27 EST Back from California/Sugar-free Once More Hey ya'll, <BR> <BR> So, I struggled in California. I ate gluten and sugar, probably about once per day (sometimes more than one treat per day). Now, it's time to recommit. <BR> <BR> My trainer tells me to put a post-it note in a prominent place and use that to remind myself that I am sugar/gluten free. I have to redo my post-it note as of today, August 13, 2012. My weight is fluctuating between 145-150, and I know what I need to do. <BR> <BR> No sugar, no gluten! It might not work for ev... Mon, 13 Aug 2012 13:10:38 EST Wow! My Sugar-Free Experiment is Yielding Fabulous Results I AM FINALLY LOSING WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> After 2 years of maintaining around 150-155, I am down around 145lbs!!!!!!!!!!! <BR> <BR> I am so happy, I don't really know what to do, say, think. I just wanted to share my joy with Sparkpeople, and from there? Maintain my diet, maintain my exercise program, and get down to goal weight?? OMG, goal weight!! <BR> <BR> So, I just went on a long trip, which included 3 and a half weeks of work at an academic summer camp on a college ca... Tue, 24 Jul 2012 12:25:48 EST June Progress Pix/Sugar Free Experiment Hey ya'll, <BR> <BR> I just had a great workout, and thought I would come home and take some progress pix. I had gotten out of the habit of taking progress pix, and I would like to reinstate this habit. <BR> <BR> The last Progress Pix I took were from January 2012, 6 months ago. I am not going to collage those pictures next to my newest pictures, because it will just make me upset. I haven't made any progress in losing lbs, inches, or body fat % since January, so there's no reason to compa... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 12:48:13 EST February Progress Pix Just Around the Corner Hey all! <BR> <BR> I just wanted to check-in with a short blog entry. I'm feeling GREAT, and I just lost a pound. I wanted to <em>236</em> a little bit about that! <BR> <BR> Weighing in is a funny thing, as weight fluctuates so much. I think I've finally gotten the weighing in process down, after buying my own scale and weighing AT THE SAME TIME EVERYDAY. I weigh in the mornings, which seems to be giving a pretty accurate reading across days/weeks. <BR> <BR> So, I've FINALLY crossed the ... Sat, 28 Jan 2012 10:11:33 EST Progress on Goals/Progress Pix (disclaimer: Progress pix are taken in sports bra/panties) <BR> <BR> Good morning sparkers! <BR> <BR> I have just a limited time to blog, so I will be brief. <BR> <BR> I am doing really well with maintaining my vegetarian, gluten-free diet. I am not completely gluten-free, but I am moving in that direction. <BR> <BR> I am doing better with cooking, since I am all set up in my new house and have all of the cooking necessities. I cooked for friends last night, with healthy leftovers for l... Mon, 16 Jan 2012 08:27:17 EST January 1st, 2012 Well, so far today I've: <BR> <BR> -been hungover from last night <BR> <BR> -not made it to the yoga class I wanted to go to <BR> <BR> -eaten both meat and gluten <BR> <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> Not so hot. I knew I needed to take a little time for myself, so I've decided to rewrite my 2012 Resolutions and re-post here. I will also try VERY hard to make it to the 6pm yoga class tonight at my favorite studio. I missed the special 3 and a half hour New Years class with my friend/favorite... Sun, 1 Jan 2012 14:16:12 EST Goals for 2012 Wow, ya'll. It's been almost a year since I've written a blog post. I woke up this morning and felt the <BR> <BR> "Something's gotta change" <BR> <BR> feeling, so I've decided to reinvest energy in my Sparkpage. And Sparkpeople in general. Tracking calories works for me. I haven't tracked fitness in a long time, but I think that will work for me too. It's just a matter of investing some time into this website, which is something I have fought myself on in the last half of 2011. <BR> <BR... Mon, 26 Dec 2011 09:21:56 EST Comparison pic Dec 2010 to Mid-Feb 2011 I don't see too much waist looks slightly smaller. <BR> I think I have to work on my diet. <BR> <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Any thoughts? Thu, 17 Feb 2011 15:59:15 EST Putting a Baby to Sleep (ROUGH draft) Years have gone by <BR> and I've put babies to sleep many hundreds of times. <BR> Infants, <BR> young boys, <BR> adorable autistic girls with big curly hair and wild eyes. <BR> <BR> Mostly infants, <BR> with their downy hair, <BR> their primordial noises, <BR> and the soft spot between the primal <BR> and the cerebral. <BR> <BR> Years have gone by, <BR> one laid down <BR> beside the last. <BR> Growth happens; <BR> me, wiser, <BR> them, milestones <BR> of development. <BR> <BR> And in thi... Wed, 26 Jan 2011 14:29:36 EST Progress Pics 1/26: Including Comparison Pic Hello! I have been blogging a little less, mostly because the new semester of school has started. Also, I'm teaching 2 new yoga classes starting next week, so life is A LITTLE NUTS. <BR> But here are my progress pics, which help to keep my health in perspective for me. Thank you to CCLEADBYEXAMPLE for reminding me that these pictures say soo much more than the scale. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is early December 2010 ver... Wed, 26 Jan 2011 10:52:59 EST Progress Pic Side by Side <img src=""> <BR> <BR> 12/23 vs. 1/13 <BR> <BR> This is a difference of about 20 days. This is also a difference in lighting. <BR> I am going to choose to believe that I've made progress, especially since my hip measurement has gone down a little bit, as well as my body fat percentage. <BR> <BR> What do you guys think? <BR> <BR> Fri, 14 Jan 2011 12:41:20 EST My Long Journey: Body Love Collage Number 1 Here it is! I got this idea from Purgoldendreams (is that how you spell it, girl?) but was loathe to download another picture editing service. I finally downloaded Picasa/signed up for Picnik, and I am SOOOO glad! <BR> <BR> I'm loving this collage. Again, like PurGoldenDreams warned before she actually posted her collage, this is not a blog to look at on the work computer. To be frank, it has my butt and chest in the picture. But you know what? I love my butt, and I love my collarbone and t... Thu, 13 Jan 2011 13:41:18 EST Finally doing side-by-side pics: 2009 vs 2010 I skipped a week on Rachel_MAC's progress pics challenge, but here's what I did instead. I feel like the goal of the Challenge is to give us inspiration and a feeling of success, and this certainly does both for me. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Tue, 11 Jan 2011 13:12:26 EST Late RACHEL_MAC Progress Pics Hello world! I am just coming out of a 5 day fog of food, friends, and festivities. I'm going to post my most recent progress pics, then HOPEFULLY finally figure out how to do side-by-side comparison pics. I'm going to try to use Picasso... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Front view. I'm not super happy with the lighting in these pictures, or with the silly underwear and sports bra I'm wearing. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sp... Wed, 29 Dec 2010 20:32:20 EST Side-by-side B&A pic numero 1 Though my eating performance tonight does not do justice to the woman I have become (I just had like 4 servings of vegetable stew!), I decided to do this pic tonight to help motivate me not to continue eating like I have for the past three days. <BR> <BR> Here goes my first side-by-side before and after pic, made with Paint: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This one looks a little funny because I couldn't figure out how to make the pict... Sat, 25 Dec 2010 19:12:08 EST My Long Journey I just had to post this picture in a blog, since it is very telling of how far I've come. I wish I had head-to-toe shots, etc. from when I was 180lbs, but I never wanted to take them. Surprise! <BR> <BR> Anyway, I plan to do a side-by-side comparison pic with this one, but for now, here I am: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is me when I was bingeing very regularly: at least once a day. It's really hard for me to look at it. <BR> ... Wed, 22 Dec 2010 16:26:44 EST Rachel_MAC's Progress Pics Challenge, Week 3! My friend who trains at the gym I go to just told me I'm "lookin good" and asked me what I'm doing. I said I'm incorporating strength training. Woohoo! <BR> <BR> Alright, here are my pics with commentary. I'm still confused about how to do side-by-side pics, but hopefully I'll figure that out by the time the challenge is over :) <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I like this pic. I see some more slimming down in my waist area. <BR> <BR>... Fri, 17 Dec 2010 20:59:19 EST My numbers are changing! My numbers are changing (ie. 25% body fat! woo hoo! Just one percent above 'fitness' body fat percentage) but I'm still having a hard time feeling good about my body. <BR> <BR> I need body love! It's hard to do though. In the mornings, when I have time, I try to do something called yoga nidra. My yoga teacher gave it to me as a practice, you can see more at It helps to calm my thoughts down about my body. I just experience my body as it is in the moment. <BR> <BR> I'm hoping ... Wed, 15 Dec 2010 07:09:44 EST RACHEL_MAC's Progress Picture Challenge: Week 2 I don't have time to comment on these now, so I'm just going to post them now and comment on them when I have the chance this weekend. <BR> <BR> Torso and thighs: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Full Body: <BR> <BR> <img src=" Fri, 10 Dec 2010 14:17:25 EST I am not my body, but my body is my ally Your body is your ally. Your body is your guide. Your body can shift and transform at an inconceivable rate, responding to eating, exercise, self-care, energy faster than the speed of light. You do not own your body. You are an inhabitant of your body which has it's own wisdom. It might seem that your body is a temple for you to reside in, but it is really just your soul made flesh. Of you, and yet not yours. Your body is something to work with, to listen to, to commune with. When you are emb... Tue, 7 Dec 2010 19:03:39 EST Rachael_MAC's Progress Pic Challenge: Before Pics So here they are. I'm not going to do too much commentary, other than about the quality of the pictures: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Best full body shot first. I know it's hard to see: I don't have a full length mirror right now. Or I do. But it's one of the one's that makes you look short and squat. <BR> <BR> Well, I think that's the only one that Sparkpeople is going to let me post. <BR> So that's my "Before" shot. Knowing how ... Sat, 4 Dec 2010 21:15:02 EST Talking to my best friend about her eating/body image issues "I know if I'm good to myself it doesn't matter if I'm a size 0 or a size 6" <BR> <BR> Me and my friend (we'll call her Jane) are both very creative, artistic, and empathic. We are also overemotional, obsessive, and sensitive. Two sides of the same coin. <BR> <BR> Jane is a model in a big city. She is an absolutely gorgeous girl, very unusual looks. She's from the same small Southern town as me. She is charming, energetic, and, again, gorgeous. And neurotic. <BR> <BR> I feel like I can sa... Thu, 2 Dec 2010 17:01:08 EST The next step on the path II? What do I need? <BR> <BR> I know I need God, cause I sure as hell can't eat normally by myself. <BR> I binged again, first binge in my new house. 12/1/2010 <BR> <BR> I know it's important not to beat myself up, so I'm going to try to be constructive. <BR> I need someone that I can call, or get on the computer and talk to. Does this require OA? <BR> <BR> What is bothering me most is how I know I would not have binged if I had not gone out to this potluck tonight. I didn't binge at the pot... Thu, 2 Dec 2010 01:49:13 EST The Fat Flush Program Hey Sparky friends! <BR> <BR> I am in high spirits (even though I'm awake at 5:30am)! Just came back from a trip with my wonderful boyfriend, we went up to the North Carolina mountains for a few days. I don't have to go back to work til next Wednesday, and schools almost done. Hooray! <BR> <BR> So, I wanted to share with everyone this new diet plan I've been looking at. It's a liver-detoxification program called the Fat Flush Plan. The book was on the bookshelf in the new house I've just m... Wed, 1 Dec 2010 13:38:37 EST Binged...Getting Rid of My Weight Tracker the Second Time Around Wow, this is hitting me hard. I don't want to go into details, don't want to track my surely close to 3000 calories, and don't even want to be on the spark right now. <BR> <BR> Suffice it to say, I got upset this morning when I couldn't weigh myself (logistics) and then was eating some of my Dad's ice cream after lunch and Mom said "Dad got mad at you for eating his ice cream". That was really all I needed to set off a binge, which is a signal to me: I really need to take it one day at a tim... Fri, 26 Nov 2010 00:01:24 EST Eaten like 800 Calories Today, and I didn't get to exercise. NOT a healthy day Hey all, I need some support. I've been swinging to the other extreme from bingeing in the last few weeks. I'm just not eating very much. I'm eating a little bit, but not as much as I usually do. I'm trying to trust my hunger signals, but it's really freaking me out today cause I've eaten like 800 calories and that's it. I don't feel hungry(not to mention that i don't have money to buy food until I get my paycheck tomorrow). It's REALLY throwing me off, and I'm afraid I'm going to binge tonig... Tue, 23 Nov 2010 19:23:25 EST From a Memoir/Workbook I'm Writing on Binge Eating It’s not as if food gives itself meaning. Only I can do that. <BR> There was one day in my yoga teacher training when we went to volunteer at a food bank. On this trip, God allowed me to find a way to resist bingeing in a tempting situation. It felt miraculous, as we were surrounded by the kind of food on which I had spent more than a year bingeing. This situation underlined for me the powerful role of community and spirituality in overcoming BED. <BR> It was a Saturday afternoon; we had spen... Wed, 17 Nov 2010 08:43:45 EST So what is the next step on the path? I am sitting here realizing that the next step on the path is to let go of my body image obsession. <BR> I have a theory that if I stopped obsessing about my body and how skinny I am, then I would stop obsessing about food. If I stopped obsessing about food, I would probably think about food less...thereby eating less. <BR> <BR> I think about food constantly. A few thoughts are of what I will be eating, preparing, cooking, or needing to buy. Most of the thoughts are about things that I want... Sun, 14 Nov 2010 21:56:39 EST Minding the body, mending the mind I keep deleting my blog. UGH <BR> <BR> It is striking to me that I am spiritually right back where I started from last winter. Physically, no. I am quite a bit thinner and stronger. Mentally, of course not. The mental state is forever changing. Emotionally, maybe? I haven't done that much emotional work this year. Very little therapy, no therapy groups. Very little personal work. But spiritually, I am still searching, still at the very beginning of my path. <BR> <BR> There is an expression... Fri, 5 Nov 2010 21:21:33 EST Getting Down to the Root Causes My obsession with food, weight, and body image has a numbing effect on my otherwise wild emotions. In the past, I was so emotional that I could've written poetry day in and day out, if I'd wanted to. Some days, as a youth, all I did was read and write. I didn't do things that the other kids did: I didn't like video games, tv, etc. Still don't, because my mind is so wild and active that I'd rather be exploring it through reading, writing, art, or conversation. <BR> But through my eating disor... Tue, 2 Nov 2010 23:28:18 EST Restricting I've decided to write this out, because I can't make myself change my behavior. Still, I have a therapy appointment on Tuesday, so I can talk about my problem behavior at the appointment. <BR> <BR> I have finally let go of my binge eating behavior. But now, I have started restricting my food. I can't bring myself to eat in front of most of my friends, because I don't want anyone to see me eating. So, if I'm spending time with friends, then I just skip a meal if it's meal time. The only time ... Sat, 2 Jan 2010 18:38:03 EST Confusing Choices about Men God is giving me some interesting curve balls lately. <BR> <BR> I will get into details later, as it is Christmas Eve and I have a date to walk with a best friend whose home for the holidays, followed by cooking with my mother. <BR> <BR> Suffice it to say, however, that after the most recent fail with a guy, now another guy is hollering. <BR> <BR> The first guy was a former lover who I ran into at the end of the summer. We make music together, and it turns out that's not the only thing we... Thu, 24 Dec 2009 11:00:44 EST How to Eliminate Cravings I'm working on describing how I have done this. <BR> <BR> for now, see my doctor's website: <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> He is an ayurvedic doctor, and his suggestions for diet and herbs have almost eliminated my sugar cravings. I used to binge 5-6 times per day, almost every day from March 2008 through August 2009, and as of today I haven't binged for 5 and a half weeks. <BR> <BR> It really works! <BR> <BR> <link> </link> Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:23:49 EST Morning Exercise Factoid: exercise in the morning helps you burn more fat! Exercising early in the morning "jump starts" your metabolism, keeping it elevated for hours, sometimes for up to 24 hours! As a result, you'll be burning more calories all day long--just because you exercised in the morning. <BR> <BR> Wow! I wonder if I could make morning exercise a regular habit? Tue, 15 Dec 2009 16:38:06 EST Recommitment to Tracking, and Writing my food down when I can't get to the computer I have had a hard time in the last few days writing down/tracking my food. It's so integral to success...I don't know how many calories I've had in the last few days... <BR> <BR> I think I'm going to switch to my new little notebook and carry it in my purse, but any other suggestions about tracking? <BR> <BR> How can I stay consistent, so that I can see progress over time? Sun, 13 Dec 2009 11:40:15 EST IMPORTANT info about Biggest Loser (from Sparkpeople article) 1. Their results are not typical. "Biggest Loser" contestants weigh in once per week. In the first few weeks of each season, the contestants lose massive amounts of weight. I am not talking about four or five pounds either. I'm talking about 15, 20, or even 25 pounds gone in a single week! Healthy weight loss guidelines, like SparkPeople's, state that up to two pounds lost per week is safe for adults. Occasionally, adults with BMI's higher than 30 can safely lose a little more than that. Losi... Thu, 10 Dec 2009 15:53:45 EST Eating Disorder Blues I wish I didn't get so many painful feelings when I think about my body and fitness and healthy eating. I have had so much trauma, mostly self-inflicted guilt/judgment, around the way that my body looks, that I don't even know what it's like to have a healthy attitude about my body. <BR> <BR> I can't possibly imagine accepting my body as it is now: healthy, well functioning, but just covered in a layer of fat. It seems awful to me, almost like a sin. <BR> <BR> I think a lot of my really te... Wed, 9 Dec 2009 15:44:05 EST Blog Check-In Sunday After Thanksgiving..Doing Good Hello all! <BR> <BR> Well, it's been an interesting weekend to say the least. I've been with my family a lot, which has brought up a whole host of issues. Beyond that, I spent time with the guy that I'm involved with...and ended up telling him that I just want to be friends for right now. That's a big deal in itself, but I'll save that for later... <BR> <BR> I just wanted to blog about eating trends. I had a rocky week before Thanksgiving, eating about +500 calories more than I'm allotted f... Sun, 29 Nov 2009 10:53:31 EST No Deficit Yesterday- I Definitely Overate (reasons...) Here are some reasons I've been thinking of as to why I overate: <BR> <BR> -Spending time with family...My Mom is still not back to her old self after her illness, and I think it's taking a toll on my Dad. I feel very powerless over this situation; I think this is the big reason I overate <BR> <BR> -Stepping on the scale in the middle of the day, and having it say I'm back up to where I was 7 weeks ago (not a good idea to step in the scale in the middle of the day) <BR> <BR> -Going to slee... Fri, 27 Nov 2009 06:08:38 EST Prayer of Saint Francis Lord Make me an instrument of your peace <BR> Where there is hatred, let me sow love <BR> Where there is injury, pardon <BR> Where there is doubt, faith <BR> Where there is despair, hope <BR> Where there is darkness, light <BR> Where there is sadness, joy <BR> <BR> Oh Divine Master, grant that I may <BR> Not so much seek to be consoled as to console <BR> To be understood as to understand <BR> To be loved, as to love <BR> For it's in giving that we receive <BR> And it's in pardoning that we ... Thu, 26 Nov 2009 06:00:22 EST Pep talk for the holidays for people with Eating Disorders Recovery and The Holidays <BR> <BR> The holiday season for many in recovery from an eating disorder can be a difficult time. During the holidays food often becomes a central focus in our lives. During this time of year, family activities, social functions, and even work-related activities often are centered on food. Along with the focus on food, additional pressures can include: <BR> <BR> * Internal imposed pressures of wanting to look good and fit into the holiday outfit for family fun... Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:38:40 EST Good deficit Today In my calorie range for today, and I burned at least 500 calories. <BR> <BR> So <BR> <BR> 1840-(1600+500)=260 <BR> <BR> <BR> However, I woke up with a headache today because I skipped dinner last night. I fell asleep and slept until morning. <BR> <BR> Should I have tried to make those cals up? <BR> <BR> <BR> Sat, 21 Nov 2009 23:03:31 EST Eating in a Healthy Balanced Way Wow. I have come in at or under my calorie count for 6 out of 7 days of the last week. It has been about two weeks since I binged last. <BR> <BR> This can only be seen as a divine miracle. It is thanks to God that my eating is so clean, and that I am not obsessing about food. My cravings are all but gone, my digestion is great, and I am losing inches. Hopefully soon I will be losing pounds. <BR> <BR> I have motivation to exercise, and I am looking forward to adding new exercises in. My lif... Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:37:05 EST Deficit for Yesterday, Tuesday 17th I went 100 calories over my calorie count yesterday, but I also burned a lot of calories in exercise. Let's see how it came out: <BR> <BR> 2150 cals-(1600 RMR + 395 Cal burned) <BR> <BR> So no deficit today: 150 Cal surplus <BR> <BR> Well, I'll hopefully have a deficit today. Wed, 18 Nov 2009 06:03:12 EST Lost inches!!! I just measured myself when I got up... <BR> <BR> Lost an inch off of my waist <BR> <BR> FOUR INCHES off my hips!!!! <BR> <BR> TWO INCHES OFF MY THIGH!! <BR> <BR> This is amazing. I guess this is really a good measurement for me to look at, as the scale has not been showing this kind of progress! Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:41:24 EST Fasting and Deficit I fasted today. I felt right. I did a cleanse fast while working at the Omega Center in New York, and this feels similar. It is for cleansing and religious purposes, and will stop tomorrow. I still exercised, and burned about 300 I probably have a deficit of 800 Cal or so <BR> <BR> <BR> My deficit goals for this week are the same: Deficit for 5 out of 7 days, doesn't matter how big the deficit is. <BR> <BR> If you read this, let me know if you've had any experiences fasting.... Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:58:48 EST Deficit Today No deficit today... Sun, 15 Nov 2009 20:14:03 EST Deficit Today Didn't blog yesterday cause I had another crazy day. I think I should stop having such crazy days...I also didn't track yesterday, which is why I didn't blog my deficit. <BR> <BR> I didn't exercise yesterday, but I also had a balanced day within my caloric limits. <BR> <BR> Deficit for today: <BR> <BR> 1600 RMR-1429 cal consumed= <BR> <BR> Aprox. 150 Cal deficit. <BR> <BR> No exercise today...but that looks good to me as a deficit! <BR> Fri, 13 Nov 2009 23:20:07 EST Deficit Today (didn't track yesterday cause I had a crazy busy day) So, I was thinking today on the way home that I've been moving a little too fast in life, and I turned the radio on to hear Prince "Little Red Corvette", right at the lyric "baby your just too need to find a love that's gonna last" <BR> <BR> Wow. God is pretty blunt sometimes. I had a hectic busy day yesterday that didn't end til 3am...maybe later. My boy doesn't have a clock in his room... <BR> I've been praying a lot lately, and I've also been exercising a lot. And not bingeing ... Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:18:05 EST