MRSKATEDUVALL's SparkPeople Blog MRSKATEDUVALL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community life in recovery, relapse Life in recovery, relapse <BR> Sometimes, what seem like hardships in our lives are the greatest blessings — we only need to change our perspective. In Isaiah we read: “We are the clay, you are the potter.” God is our potter, shaping and making us the finest we can be. Let’s rest easy and be blessed knowing we are in the finest hands.. Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein. <BR> So I survived the family gathering, but not intact. I did fine until my brother handed me a beer. And then when I woke up Friday,... Sat, 25 Jun 2016 16:54:24 EST Life in recovery, Family gatherings. Life in recovery; family gatherings. <BR> Last week, I avoided a social gathering because I couldn’t be around food choices and alcohol and be sane. This week, I have to attend a family gathering where there will be food choices and alcohol and lots of options for emotional eating. My anxiety will be high. The first hurdle is traveling for 8 hours. I packed fresh fruit, lunch meat, carrots and celery. I have no control over the rehearsal dinner so will just enjoy a meal that I didn’t ha... Wed, 22 Jun 2016 10:22:13 EST Step One. Abstinence, recovery, step one. <BR> <BR> I declared myself food sober, paleo November 15, and fell harder. Looking back at the journal entries makes me sad. Why can I not follow through with a plan? Last week, I went to my first OA meeting as an adult. I downloaded the OA app, and put in my abstinence date as of last Tuesday, June 7. According to the app, I am 8 days food sober. Do I trust this? Can I really say that? I know I fell and ate cookies and doughnuts. But that was a relaps... Sat, 18 Jun 2016 14:32:57 EST why do I blog? Why do I blog? <BR> I am reading a book about boundaries, that psycho babble term for interpersonal definition between oneself and the world. All my adult life I have been told I have bad boundaries, and it’s been the topic of discussion of much therapy, how having poor definition of self relates to a food addiction. Parts of the book are hard to read, and I have to walk away; the part of skin being are primal boundary, and those who have a history of trauma find boundaries a hard thing, Th... Thu, 2 Jun 2016 07:44:58 EST May to June... May goal wrap up, looking at June. <BR> Ended weight . - My plan was to continue the downward trend, but I went up and down, and finally stayed the same, mainly for the cheating. I resolve to track my cheating better, to get a handle on when and where so I can problem solve. So, anything that is not on program goes into the snack 3 category for logging. Staying paleo, with no grains, no dairy, low carb really keeps me from the nighttime cravings. I started some aromatherapy, to help me sl... Tue, 31 May 2016 22:45:48 EST Rounding up May. May 28, 2016 <BR> I do not fit any patterns, so say the experts. Yesterday, I had my round of specialty doctor appointments. See, the first of May was Bloomsday, which was marvelous, and I walked 10 miles at a 24 minute mile. The Tuesday after Bloomsday, I got a tick bite. I started a new anti-inflammatory supplement. The first few days I felt great, but then my knee, just the left one started to hurt, in a non-fibro kind of pain. The rest of the month I felt awful, my knee hurt so bad I mos... Sat, 28 May 2016 11:55:49 EST MAY! I finished April, with my Son's track meet. I am posting a picture, he threw the school record in Hammer, 125 feet. <img src=""> He then dropped me off at my hotel and hurried home for prom. I started my self care weekend. <BR> <BR> I started May with my big fitness event, Bloomsday, which is a 12 k community walk. I did a 24 minute mile, with an extended potty break, 2 otter pop breaks, and some chatting of pe... Tue, 3 May 2016 13:24:38 EST it's time for the number round up I have a fasting bllod draw today, and the then the follow up appointment on may 3 with my primary doc. The deal was, when I went off my two horrid meds ( cholestrol and an injection med for blood sugar) that my numbers would stay good for the next three month period. Here is a list of my fitness numbers,and the goals associated with them. <BR> <BR> Numbers I want… where I am now, what I aim for and how to get there….. <BR> Weight 284 goal 150 <BR> BMI 44. Goal 24. <BR> Waist to Height ... Fri, 29 Apr 2016 09:01:49 EST Marching into Spring goals. Start weight 281. - 5% weight loss since 1/6/2016. My plan to continue the downward trend. <BR> 1) Meal plan: modified Whole 30, I am not so vigilant about hidden sugars, like bacon cured with sugar, and some honey in a recipe. No dairy, No grains, No obvious sugars. No soy. No legumes. limited nuts. <BR> 2) Movement: walk on workday mornings,.We added yoga, and some body movement exercises to the morning routine. Do 15 minutes in wellness room 2x a workday. extended walks on weekends. ... Tue, 1 Mar 2016 12:03:58 EST February goals review.. I can't believe that it's the end of February. <BR> February Goals review <BR> Start weight 284. End weight? 281. - 5% weight loss since 1/6/2016. <BR> 1) Meal plan: Whole 30, except for 2/9 ( fat tuesday or mardi gras). tracking in Spark. I did well until the last two days. The chocolate cake at work did me in, starting cravings and I ate off plan for Thursday and Friday. Today, I am back on plan. <BR> 2) Movement: walk on workday mornings,. I tried, but some mornings, it just didn’t wor... Sat, 27 Feb 2016 13:03:46 EST Dr. Andrew Weil's Optimal Health, my experience When I started reading the book, it was with the idea that I would follow the course until my end date of my nutritional program. ( April 30) What I found is that I am doing most of the program now, and can easily incorporate the ideas, fully, into my program now. It is the spiritual aspects that I found I was missing from my program. I am going to recommit to faith group on Tuesday, and use the quiet time for written prayer. I realize that the book was written almost ten years ago, but it ... Sat, 27 Feb 2016 12:51:22 EST life in recovery, February goals. Start weight 284. <BR> 1) Meal plan: Whole 30, except for 2/9 ( fat tuesday or mardi gras). tracking in Spark. <BR> 2) Movement: walk on workday mornings, finish off 10,000 steps on treadmill. Do 15 minutes in wellness room 2x a workday. Yoga on Saturday mornings. rest day Sunday. <BR> 3) Have a life; Jazz night, faith group, out of town trips for work and the college search. staying in budget. <BR> Sun, 31 Jan 2016 20:08:37 EST Life in recovery, january wrap up. Start weight was 294. <em>192</em> I finished the month at 284. <em>192</em> 10 pounds. <em>345</em> I am ecstatic. <em>224</em> <BR> My January goals were to 1) follow whole30. Pack my lunch/ snacks. Preplan Dinner with whole 30 approved meals.. I stuck to the whole30 plan by daily tracking on Spark people, eating breakfast each day, preparing lunch each morning, and having a planned dinner. I marked each day with a sticker, and have stickers on all but three days. I am stil... Sun, 31 Jan 2016 20:03:27 EST life in recovery, the fall from program.... 1-23-2016. <BR> I am alone this weekend, the Mr. and baby are at winter camp, and the big is off working his muscles for money- helping somebody move. I have done the chores; feed the fish, dogs and cats, did dishes, laundry so now I am in front of the computer, with the radio on and I can ponder my thoughts. <em>24</em> My dreams were about being maligned by my mom, that she was choosing the other kids,my siblings, that the other kids fit in better than I did. I woke with that heavy hea... Sat, 23 Jan 2016 18:26:46 EST Life in recovery, the ordinary. 1-10-2016. Today’s quotes are all about the little things. The ordinary things. The little steps that add up to big change. So today, I am focusing on life, found in the little spaces. I was up WAY TO EARLY, and did last nights dishes. I Sparked, and meal planned and made the grocery list. After Mass this morning, I will shop. This afternoon, I will do the meal prep for the week. Corn beef and cabbage by request in crock pot. I am on day 5 of my whole30, and I feel great. I wish I could sl... Sun, 10 Jan 2016 09:20:10 EST Life in recovery, a new start date, a new year.... So I decided, with a little nudge from the doctor back in December at the quarterly appointment, to try a little more structure to the diet. I start a Whole30 on 1/6/2016. I am excited, I like the premise- eat from this list. Don't eat from this list. Santa brought me the book, and I have been doing the preparation. <BR> <em>521</em> One of which is to make some if/then statements. <BR> My if /then plan. <BR> Lunch Plans: If my co-workers give me a hard time about not going to lunch, th... Sat, 2 Jan 2016 14:04:00 EST facing 2016. I've been dealing with weight issues my whole life, and chronic health conditions for a while. I find the solution, hard won lesson after decades of trying, is a daily battle, filled with healthy steps. Some days I fall, but I always pick myself back up. <BR> * 2000 Diagnosed with TYPE 2 Diabetes. Gave birth to youngest son. Weight was 250lbs. <BR> * 2004, had a total hip replacement. Doctor told me to lose 50 lbs. I ignored him. Weight was 250 lbs. <BR> * for 2004-2011 years, I tried eve... Fri, 25 Dec 2015 09:15:55 EST life in recovery, an unsupportive spouse How do you deal with a non supportive spouse was the theme of a message board I was reading, and I paused, and thought a bit and started blogging. Because I am conflicted about this. On my right hand, I think IT IS MY HOUSE, and MY KITCHEN, my health, my meal plan and I admit that I am addict, so I don’ t want it around. I don’t want it in my house, my kitchen, my reach. SO I DON”T. I don’t buy it. If I was an alcoholic, they wouldn’t bring me beer, and when I said, I am sober now, they woul... Sat, 28 Nov 2015 19:13:49 EST life in recovery, day 15. November 27. <BR> The big meal is over. I had to leave the gathering, too much food and if I didn’t leave, I was going to dive into banana pudding cream cake. I walked out, as is I broke, and had a COSTCO pumpkin roll slice. But the company was good and I was a little aggravated that my urges had me walking out the door. Will there come a day when I can stand next to a table of desserts, and not feel compelled and obsessed to eat them all? Then came day 2, where we all gather, again, and eat... Sat, 28 Nov 2015 15:19:43 EST life in recover, day #12, November 25,2015.. I have a very large extended family, who all gather for Thanksgiving at Great Grandma’s house. About 90 of us when we are all there, but these year, it will be quieter, only about 50. Dinner is at 1, a buffet style with sit down at the table, complete with wine glasses and cloth napkins. I have learned that if I am going to eat in any way healthy, paleo, diabetic friendly, I need to bring my own food. So even though I don’t host thanksgiving, I am going to be cooking, just... Wed, 25 Nov 2015 20:37:48 EST life in recovery, day #11 November 18, 2015 <BR> Recovery is supposed to be about healthy, and here I am, coughing up green crap. <BR> November 24, 2015 <BR> Still sick, but now I think it’s more reparation. Work is covered, and I have some healing to do so I am staying home. Today’s thought: “I discovered that my sins had created a spiritual racket that drowned out the gentle whispers of God to my soul; God had never actually abandoned me, but I needed repentance and sacramental grace to reawaken all that was good an... Tue, 24 Nov 2015 13:03:54 EST life in recovery, day #4 November 16, 2015 <BR> Today’s musing have all been about self worth. My supervisor told me during my evaluation that she sees me as having low self esteem. Is the weight a symbol of low self esteem? My personal philosophy is that I am a unique creation, we all are, we are all amazing. Rabbi Eckstein states ”However, when we recognize that we are a unique, indispensable part of God’s creation, deliberately brought to life at this very time in history, then we are naturally catapulted into... Mon, 16 Nov 2015 16:28:46 EST Life in recovery, Boundaries. The fabulous Dr. E has asked that I focus on boundaries. I have come under fire at work for having "BAD boundaries" I counter that I have an open, rather than a closed system of boundaries. Ruminations on boundaries are below. Part of the exercise if figuring out how my :"open system" contributes to my addictions. <BR> <BR> OPEN Boundaries. I share about my day, and you share about yours. I talk about what bothers me. I talk about what I am struggling with. I seek other’s opinions when ... Sun, 15 Nov 2015 23:33:34 EST Life in recovery, day #3 Hello. I am new , very new to OA, and to be honest, slightly scared. I joined the OA team today. I think about going to meetings, but as we all know, work takes it out of me, and the meetings are on Wednesday, where I am usually dealing with youth group, and dinner, and homework. I think I will stay on-line for now and try meetings in December. It’s not a new concept. When I was in college, a friend introduced me to a OA lady, but I never went to a meeting. My struggles continued, and in... Sun, 15 Nov 2015 15:04:49 EST Life in Recovery, Day #2. So yesterday was a success, except for exercise. My partner in crime is down with wrist surgery, and I am not up to it alone. Is that an excuse? Part of recovery is stripping down to the honest below the excuse.There was not enough time in the day. to spark, meal pack and get to work early. I will have to get up earlier. but back to the success... under calories, two snacks, no eating after bedtime. stayed paleo. day 1. <BR> While I was at work yesterday, I talked with my friend about OA.... Sat, 14 Nov 2015 13:52:30 EST Life in Recovery, Day #1 I am starting by defining my parameters. Boundaries are a whole other therapeutic exercise, which I will do next blog, but today I am focusing on My food boundaries, and what characteristics and lifestyle choices I need to support those boundaries. I had asked my spark people friends the question to get me started. I ask my special friend for input and had a wonderful conversation. So here goes, my template for life in recovery. <BR> FOOD boundaries: <BR> Life in recovery is teaching me t... Fri, 13 Nov 2015 10:30:26 EST Fill in the blank: I know have had a good workout when: I would say anything counts here. I have been a slug since the weather turned cold and I don't like walking in the cold dark morning. I need to re-think. I could re-vamp the green room and do work out DVDs. That's my new fitness goal. Mon, 9 Nov 2015 15:44:01 EST Lazy Sunday I am sitting with mumford Sun, 8 Nov 2015 19:24:32 EST what does a lifestyle in recovery look like? Diets don't work. They don't work for me. I have tried every diet on the planet, and some from outer space. I have tried restrictive diets, only to break and eat everything forbidden and then some. I have tried the " eat whatever you want, but stay in this range" mentality, and tend to blow my calories or points on chocolate cupcakes at 10 AM. I have tried a diet of moderation, only to learn that in some things, I like excess. About a year ago, I decided that I needed extra help, and started... Sat, 7 Nov 2015 13:36:23 EST Today's homework assignment; two lists.. I have two pieces of SparkCoach homework, both are lists. First, the blog I have been thinking about, what to do to instead of binging, adn the second list is what changes have I seen since the start of the journey. <BR> For me, binging is about unmet needs; the need to feel better, the need to be nurtured, the need to be heard. My first trigger is pain. I eat to feel better, a little bit will make you feel better, food is medicine. I am in pain, from fibro, from the day and I fend myself f... Wed, 28 Oct 2015 10:39:14 EST Traveling and random thoughts. I am currently traveling down interstate 84 on the way to pacific university for my sons interview for college. It's a 6 hour drive, and we are 4 hours in. These things I know: my weight is up. Losing weight and being healthy is the hardest thing I have ever done. Parenting, grad school, professional life, marriage-none of them were as hard. And I have not been succeeding at it. I have the best laid out plan and program. I have a great team of professionals. I have great spark friends. What's... Mon, 26 Oct 2015 12:19:16 EST Traveling and random thoughts. I am currently traveling down interstate 84 on the way to pacific university for my sons interview for college. It's a 6 hour drive, and we are 4 hours in. These things I know: my weight is up. Losing weight and being healthy is the hardest thing I have ever done. Parenting, grad school, professional life, marriage-none of them were as hard. And I have not been succeeding at it. I have the best laid out plan and program. I have a great team of professionals. I have great spark friends. What's... Mon, 26 Oct 2015 12:19:16 EST Traveling and random thoughts. I am currently traveling down interstate 84 on the way to pacific university for my sons interview for college. It's a 6 hour drive, and we are 4 hours in. These things I know: my weight is up. Losing weight and being healthy is the hardest thing I have ever done. Parenting, grad school, professional life, marriage-none of them were as hard. And I have not been succeeding at it. I have the best laid out plan and program. I have a great team of professionals. I have great spark friends. What's... Mon, 26 Oct 2015 12:19:16 EST starting at step 9,999....or something I have been in a slump . I have not blogged, talked to Spark people, done my bible studies, tracked my food or my steps. It's like I stopped. And in stopping, I gained back ALL the weight I've lost in 2015, plus 4 more. So this morning, I decided that I would crawl out of this hole.. but where to start? it's all so overwhelming. You see, I have this idea of a program. 25 steps that I am to take everyday towards health. and put together, it can feel like 25,000 little to-dos and have-to's. S... Tue, 6 Oct 2015 09:32:44 EST revelation Last night I had an interesting revelation. I was feeling particularly itchy, anxious itchy with actual skin rashes. I sat and watched our TV just twitchy. I didn't want to eat, so I just twitched. Husband says take some benedryl...which made me feel stoned. SO I am itchy twitchy, stones and heading to bed.. by way of the kitchen. I don't remember all that I ate, but it was the first binge in a long time. I tried to analyze what I was feeling, when I woke in the morning. I was looking to ... Fri, 25 Sep 2015 12:16:50 EST Filling the void. For my fiber challenge, I read an article on mindful eating. In therapy, my ongoing assignment is to eat mindfully, pausing before each food decision. What have I learned from these exercises? I eat to fill a void. Sometimes , it's a blood sugar void , it's a logical time to eat like lunch on Friday. I was hungry, getting that hollow need to eat feeling so I went to McD and had a grilled chicken sandwich and salad. I was also filling an emotional void; I was lonely and there was nobody to go ... Sun, 13 Sep 2015 11:49:49 EST Shopping is an exercise in hell So yesterday, while we were in the big city, I went shopping. I forced my tallest child to buy nice school shopping. At first, I just gave him money and said go forth. After about an hour, I checked in and he was in tears. Nothing fit. Everything cost money. So I recruited his sister and girl friend and a nice sales person. After many tries, and lots of no, to short, wrong color, we found two pair of relaxed fit 38x 30 jeans and a 2x button up shirt. It brought back memories of shopping as a... Mon, 7 Sep 2015 19:05:05 EST Who is my biggest diet obstacle? Spark coach was timely today, about sabotage. I am currently on a mini vacation with my three urchins and the girlfriend. We went to papa and the step mom and it was nice, which was weird. We came back to the hotel, and I ate an entire serving of nachos. My biggest saboteur is myself. It's myself who doesn't get up to walk, catlady is faithful. It's myself who hits the vending machine. I am in control of my meal plan and menu. September will be different. 100 days once asked if I was interest... Sun, 6 Sep 2015 09:42:55 EST wrapping up to go forward. August and September goals. September 1, 2015 <BR> <BR> It’s the end of summer, the end of the dog days of August. I am evaluating the month In terms of my goals for August, looking at my obstacles, and setting new goals for September. <BR> <BR> <BR> Calories, tracked and in range. 19 out of 31 days. 5 days over BMR. The obstacle I hit was not tracking, not weighing and measuring, in summary, I got lazy. <BR> Steps: 10,000 steps daily= no days. Earned the Spark in Progress trophy each week for the month. <BR> 2... Tue, 1 Sep 2015 05:23:24 EST it's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. August 30, 2015. Picture me singing. Is that song familar to you? <BR> <BR> It’s the end of my staycation. Tomorrow I go back to work. It wasn’t the greatest or most productive of weeks. I did learn the meaning behind why I take my anxiety meds. Through a mishap ( I really need mindfulness training), I neglected to put the gray and pink pill in my nightly case. Sunday night, no sleep, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday, no sleep, a ball of anxiety, puddled on the floor- or in these case, m... Sun, 30 Aug 2015 19:08:27 EST Just didn't do it and other woes. August 3, 2015. <BR> Today’s 100 is about doing it anyway, and today I didn’t do it. I choose to sleep instead of getting up and doing my bible study, sleep instead of walking. I choose easy quick fast food instead of coming home and eating salad. I ended the day with a 3,000 calorie day. The bible study was about an accountability partner. I am actively looking for someone who I can develop as my accountability person. The bible studies says it should be my spouse, but I can tell you ... Mon, 3 Aug 2015 23:13:52 EST Am I interested or Committed? 8-2. <BR> Scripture that started the day: "to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, 24 and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24" <BR> I pray: “ I realize that Permanent weight loss is not just about doing away with wrong eating. It is about embracing Christ and asking Him to change me from the ins... Sun, 2 Aug 2015 10:51:03 EST It's AUGUST. So glad for a new month. new goals, etc 8-1-2015, <BR> Starting 100 days challenge today, again, for the third time. My August starting weight is 287. My weight fluctuated all the month of July, up two, down two. My goal is to loss a pound a week, so 15 weeks equals 15 pounds. My goal is to weigh 270 by Thanks giving. When I do so, I can add two more beads to my bracelet. My reward for getting there, for finishing the 100 days, and losing weight while I do this, is a spa day. I went to print out the three month calendar, ... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 15:07:07 EST review of the 18, plan for the 19, Lord's table number 6. Sunday july 19. Goal: 150 carbs, 1, 800 cal? Binged, tracked, over range. <BR> How many servings of produce?5 <BR> Paleo? No, I had yaki soba noodles, and pretzel thins. <BR> Did I overeat this day? I ate too much for my #3 snack. <BR> did I move and exercise? No, rest day. <BR> Do I feel lighter? Yes, although the scale doesn’t match it. <BR> Did I eat in secret, in anger, in boredom or frustration? Yes. Late night binge. <BR> Do I feel like I turned to God instead of food? I did my... Sun, 19 Jul 2015 11:29:46 EST 16,17 and plan for 18 and next week. Saturday, July 18, 2015 <BR> Review- Thursday, Friday. <BR> Goal: 150 carbs, 1, 800 cal?in range, but out of control on Thursday, Out of range Friday. <BR> How many servings of produce? Thursday was a liquid fast until I broke. Friday I had 4. <BR> Paleo? No, ate pasta and tortillas. <BR> Did I overeat this day? Yes, to both days. <BR> did I move and exercise? Walked to work, skipped water aerobics. Rest day on Friday. <BR> Do I feel lighter? No. <BR> Did I eat in secret, in anger, in ... Sat, 18 Jul 2015 15:15:15 EST 13,14,15, and plan for 16. July 16. Review of the last two days, plan for today. <BR> Goal: 150 carbs, 1, 800 cal? In calorie range until evening and nighttime binge. Didn’t track. <BR> How many servings of produce? Not a focus. <BR> Paleo? no <BR> Record my star on the calendar: didn’t earn a star <BR> Did I overeat this day? Yes, binged both 7/14. 7/15 <BR> did I move and exercise? Yes. Walked 7/14, water aerobics 7/15. <BR> Do I feel lighter? Pain level was high, took my focus away. <BR> Did I eat in secre... Thu, 16 Jul 2015 09:11:41 EST 10th leads to 11th Review of 7/10, plan for 7/11. <BR> Goal: 150 carbs, 1, 800 cal? Way out of line, 3,336 calories, 418 carbs. PIZZA, CHIP and a kind bar binge. <BR> How many servings of produce?just my salad, 3 <BR> <BR> Paleo? Pizza and chips are not paleo. <BR> Record my star on the calendar.: NO star. <BR> Did I overeat this day? Yes, I got to the afternoon and just ran out of steam, didn’t want to make dinner, bailey offered cold pizza and it went downhill from there. Lesson- I need routine. <BR... Sat, 11 Jul 2015 10:49:35 EST While I've been away... Good Grief, it’s been a while since I wrote in a journal or blogged. I have been out of control. The anxiety over my dad, the anxiety over the building move, the stress over being laid off, not being laid off.. all of it combined to a anxiety of full blown proportion. So I am getting grounded… good things that have happened. Bad things have happened. <BR> 1) I got a car. It’s a used luxury car that still has all the bells and whistles and it is so much better than the farm truck. <B... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 16:02:04 EST July 3rd and 4th, review and plan daily review of July 3. goal check in: <BR> Goal: (actual): 150 carbs, 1, 800 cal? actual was 168 carbs, 2209 calories <BR> How many servings of produce?8 <BR> Paleo? no, I had bread <BR> Record my star on the calendar. <BR> Did I overeat this day? no <BR> did move and exercise? yes, nice long walk <BR> Do I feel lighter? yes <BR> Did I eat in secret, in anger, in boredom or frustration? No, I write in the journal and blogged <BR> Do I feel like I turned to God instead of food? slight... Sat, 4 Jul 2015 06:56:10 EST Independence Day, are we ever free from our birth family? So, it's 2 am in the Pacific Northwest and I can't sleep. In therapy, I am working on identifying addictive behavior, and the primary emotion behind it. It's grief and loss, and anxiety relating to family. Not my nuclear family. My kids are good, my husband is good and my house is clean. We are having an extended family BBQ tonight, and will watch the city fireworks show. But the anxiety about my family of origin, is huge, and looming. I ache. Partly due to the horrid hot 108 degree weathe... Sat, 4 Jul 2015 05:54:44 EST