MEMISH's SparkPeople Blog MEMISH's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Life is changing....rapidly I had maintained my weight (+/- 10 lbs) over the last year or so, well recently I took a serious dive and I gained back about 20-25 lbs. I was eating so bad and felt so bad physically and mentally, I was doing light exercise but in no way was I doing the right thing. I was scared to death! To make matters more stressful we closed our family restaurant (huge sigh of relief) so that took its toll. <BR> <BR> Well, now my life has settled down (a little), I am eating very healthy and working ou... Mon, 18 Jul 2011 13:38:18 EST God at work. I am the first person to say that God can't move us forward until we accept and adjust to our current situations. For almost a year I have been stuck at a plateau and feeling all the frustration that comes along with it. I mean, I wasn't totally frustrated.... I was under 300 lbs for the first time in my adult life. However, I just wasn't comfortable with my smaller body and I couldn't "see" the weight loss so naturally I couldn't lose more weight until I became comfortable with the new me. W... Sun, 15 May 2011 22:36:49 EST Striving for change Yes, I am striving to change how I eat and how I think. The vicious cycle of thinking, eating, thinking, eating is making me dizzy.... I do so good for a while then I take a few steps back but I have leavned that I MUST stay focused and keep on pushing myself. I have changed so much already and I am trying to focus myself on the positive change rather than the negative things that I tend to fall back on. I have to remind myself that I have lost 21" from my hips alone and that is something to ... Thu, 24 Feb 2011 19:42:36 EST Breaking that aweful barrier! Ok.... I am so proud of myself and I just needed to share! <BR> <BR> I have been struggling over the last few months with losing and gaining the same 5 or 10 lbs. I fell below 300 lbs then back over, then below 300 and back up again (I HATE the whole yoyo thing). Well I have been eating really well, haven't had any sweets in the last 10 days and I have been really working out hard. Well, I am so proud to say that my weight is now at 287 and I don't ever plan to be above it again. I even wen... Wed, 8 Dec 2010 21:39:19 EST The Spark I am reading "The Spark" and I am enjoying it very much. I have decided what my Fastbreak goals are and they are.......1) I'm not going to eat in front of the T.V. 2) I am going to go on a brisk 5-10 min walk so I can enjoy what God has created. 3) I am going to counter every negative thought with a positive thought (regardless if it is about me or someone/something else). I stepped away from my sparktime and I think that was a huge mistake for me. So I will take (at least) 10 min a day to lo... Thu, 2 Dec 2010 21:21:47 EST Trying hard Ok, I am back to working out with my biggest loser dvd's and I'm loving it! I think I just need to keep switching up my workouts so I don't lose interest. I feel so much better when I take the time to workout and get my day started off right. <BR> <BR> I am still working hard on my eating, I don't eat really bad but I'm not eating the way I know my body needs. I plan and prepare my food for breakfast, lunch and snacks. It is the after 4 eating that is getting me into trouble. <BR> <BR> I ... Tue, 16 Nov 2010 13:43:18 EST Searching for answers I am desperately serching for what is up with me. I have lost motivation for exercising and I haven't been eating very well. I love to exercise since it is such a wonderful stress releaver and I love eating healthy cuz it makes me feel good inside. I have been looking at my surroundings for answers and I am just consumed with working with so many projects. I need to be on a schedule with my workouts and need to plan better with my meals. I am hoping to find some motivation so I can get back o... Wed, 10 Nov 2010 19:12:07 EST Feeling Blessed At this moment, right now, I am feeling so blessed by the love and support from my sparkfriends and from my BLC teamates! I have had a very emotional two weeks and I have been struggeling to get back on board with my program. Just today I woke up at 4:30 and exercised and had my daily meals planned out well I became "Crusher of the day" from my team and I have had an abundance of support, I just know that God knew I needed to be uplifted from my sadness and it worked. It is wonderful to have... Wed, 27 Oct 2010 14:48:35 EST Realization I weighed in this last monday and I didn't lose anymore weight and I have been working really really hard. Well, I ended up eating food that I don't normally eat throughout the day (you know, the food that I used to live for) and it made me so sick. Even while I was eating it (nacho appetizer that was shared between 4 of us and a bacon cheeseburger and fries from Applebees) I knew that I would regret it and boy did I ever!! Not only did I go over my calories for that day by about 600 calorie... Thu, 23 Sep 2010 21:54:49 EST I did it....Finally! I have been working really really hard the last two months to get my weight under 300 lbs and twice I have been met with weight gain, so frustrating (as we all can understand). Well, today the scale read 299!! I have been really watching my food intake and I workout 40 min a day (which means getting up at 4:25 a.m.) and I have been taking my medication correctly and daily (which has been an issue with the weight gains). I am so very proud of myself, it feels so good I can hardly find the word... Tue, 14 Sep 2010 00:20:06 EST Enjoying life..... Finally! I believe I have finally reached a point that I am enjoying living my life, not mearly enduring it. When I feel stress I think about what exercise I can do and when i can do it so I can feel better. I have had a rough couple of days that have been packed full of stress so i have been looking forward to my workouts. But heres the best part....Today I jogged 1.5 miles in 29 minutes through town. Usually I jog on my street where only a few people may see me (I live out in the boonies). Well, I ... Sat, 14 Aug 2010 00:20:14 EST Getting comfortable with life outside my comfort zone For so many years I have lived my life tucked away in my own little comfort zone, oddly feeling "safe" and "secure" in my overweight body. I always wore baggy clothes cuz that would in someway hid my fat from the outside world. Well, now I am wearing more form fitting clothes that definately put me outside my comfort zone, this is a totally wierd and new experience for me. <BR> <BR> When I exercise I don't like people to see me exercise (I think its cuz they will see my "giggly bits"). It ... Wed, 4 Aug 2010 23:17:41 EST Taking the blinders off. Tonight I finally took off the blinders that I have comfortably worn for so many years. How did I do that? I went through my closet and got rid of literally 3/4 of my wardrobe. I tried clothes on that I haden't worn in a really long time and they literally hung on me. I tried on my largest pair of pants, a 38w and my largest t-shirt, a 34. My kids & husband were in shock! Just seeing their reaction told me just how far I have come from being nearly 400 lbs. <BR> <BR> I cannot even express m... Fri, 23 Jul 2010 01:40:56 EST The real me??? I am pondering who the real me is. <BR> <BR> I have lived in this obese brokendown body for so long that I am having a hard time figuring out who I am. I have always been insecure & shy. I have always felt "safe" from bad situations cuz people never mess with the "fat girl." My body has always taken up so much room, no matter where I am.... in bed, the shower or in the car.... there I am, all over the place. I have had to cram myself into size 38w pants & 32-34 shirts, always feeling trappe... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 22:27:47 EST I'm so over it! Ok, yes, I am so over it! What you ask? The excuses I use to eat bad & not exercise...... Problem: marriage trouble- Solution: eat bad, <BR> Problem: kids being difficult- Solution: eat bad <BR> Problem: stress from running a restaurant- Solution: eat bad <BR> Problem: eating bad- Solution: don't exercise <BR> As of today I will use no more excuses for eating bad & not exercising. I haven't made the time to exercise cuz I have either been too busy, too tired or feeling like crap cuz I have ea... Mon, 21 Jun 2010 13:00:00 EST I just can't stay away! I spent the last couple of weeks so filled with hurt from my husband that I could hardly be in the same room with him. I felt as if I was hanging off a cliff, one side was the horrifying fall towards divorce & the other side was staying & saving our marriage. Well, last week my husband & I met with our pastor to get counsel, he told me that I was valid with my feelings of hurt & the destruction of trust that was caused by my husband. My husband understands that he has hurt me & that it will ... Thu, 17 Jun 2010 23:22:48 EST gotta go but I will be back I have been dealt a serious blow to my marriage & I will be taking some time away from here to concentrate on it. I will continue my quest of a healthier lifestyle but I feel that I can't be of much help to anyone right now. Thanks to everyone for all your help & support. I will be back as soon as I can. Fri, 4 Jun 2010 14:44:39 EST Change What was my life like back in the day? I walked with a cane, couldn't stand up straight & I couldn't tie my own shoes. I lived every moment of every day in extreme pain (from a back problem), & under the influence of muscle relaxers & pain medication. As the days drug on for me all I wanted was to be out of the dark, depressing hole that was my painful, pittiful life. I can remember so clearly my husband kneeling by the side of our bed trying to caress the pain out of my body with the look o... Sun, 23 May 2010 01:18:34 EST Feeling Proud I don't have a memory of being thin, not one. I have seen pictures of me at about 8 years old & I am thin but thats where it stopped. I can remember being about 12 years old & weighing around 165 & I knew that it was too much. I think that I have been hiding behind my weight, "nobody messes with the fat girl," for entirely too long. I want people to know me for me & not for what they see. <BR> <BR> I have lost 53 lbs & I couldn't be prouder of myself. I feel as though I finally have contro... Mon, 19 Apr 2010 14:05:21 EST Back in the saddle again! I have had a rough last 8 days. I had trouble with eating the wrong things (it started when I had to make Easter baskets for my kids). I never went overboard but the stuff I ate sure wasn't on my list of items I can eat. I did exercise but my heart just wasn't in it. I did really, really good today... stayed in my calorie range & did a nice 30 min cardio work-out. I have a goal to lose 25 lbs before by 38th birthday (July 6th). I am going to stay on track. Mon, 12 Apr 2010 22:55:01 EST ?!?! I have been exercising but I have been eating a little off. I have been so busy the last week or so that I haven't had much time (or desire) to get on the computer. I hope everyone is doing well. Wed, 7 Apr 2010 23:51:46 EST Emotions!?!? I have had the most emotional week. I have been happy, sad, depressed, proud, exhausted & angry. I have been doing good with my exercise & eating plan, but it has been sooo hard. On Thursday, God & I had a discussing about me getting up & exercising... He won & I exercised & felt really good but it seems like little things are setting me off emotionally. All I know is that I have to rely on God every second of every day so that I don't run away. I know that I am overdoing it with my work load... Sat, 27 Mar 2010 17:27:47 EST Feeling good I am feeling good.... I am exhausted but yet still feeling good. We were extremely busy at our restaurant today, so busy that I ran around the kitchen for 6 hours then stood & did dishes for 2 hours. I am so thankful that I am physically able to do all this running around, not like before when I could bearly walk due to weight & back problems. Also, my nephew had his un-birthday party today & I didn't even have a bite of the cake. Of course it was easy to resist since I wasn't around to be te... Sun, 21 Mar 2010 21:20:17 EST Better now Ok all, I'm better now eventhough I ended up working another 10 hour day at our restaurant. I came home & did a quick exercise on my stationary bike. I did have some good news today..... I fit into a size 24 jeans, I haven't been in that size in many years. Have a good night y'all. Sat, 20 Mar 2010 01:19:35 EST Blah BlahBlah I just don't know what seems to be my emotional promblem today! I think life is getting too hectic for me & so I am shutting down. I work 12 hour days at 2 different jobs (both of which I love), I have kids & a husband that demand a lot of attention. I am sick & tired of being me. My food & exercise is the one thing that I can have total control over (most of the time). <BR> <BR> I can't even talk to my best friend which is my sister cuz she is dealing with the loss of her husband so I feel... Fri, 19 Mar 2010 19:50:58 EST