MELLYBEANS0919's SparkPeople Blog MELLYBEANS0919's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community NSV: Shirts Yesterday I tried on a button up shirt that last year was too snug. This time I could comfortably button it up, it was even a bit loose in the stomach area. Being happy about that I decided to try on another button up shirt that I had to leave undone last year because my belly was too large for it to snap up. Well this time around it snapped up no problem and fit me like a glove. I was surprised to see how small my waist looked in it. <BR> <BR> I showed my husband and he asked "How are you l... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 13:42:01 EST Recent pics <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is what happy and confident looks like. I figured I should post some more recent pics as my profile one is almost 2 yrs old - but I love it too much to replace it. <BR> <BR> :) <BR> <BR> Sat, 29 Mar 2014 19:54:16 EST Change In Goals I have decided to put tracking on hold. I still find it too stressful and triggering. I am going to focus on the following: <BR> <BR> 1. Listening to my body <BR> <BR> The amount of food, the amount of exercise, how much sleep, etc. <BR> <BR> 2. Activity <BR> <BR> Walking (2-3x a week, 15 min) and body strength exercises (2 x a week, 15 min) to start. <BR> <BR> <BR> 3. Focusing on what my body can do and how wonderful it is. <BR> <BR> <BR> Thu, 27 Mar 2014 13:00:41 EST Bodyweight Exercises <em>320</em> <em>405</em> <em>344</em> <BR> <BR> Looking to start a strength training routine. I am planning on doing it two days a week to start off. <BR> <BR> Needing advice on what types of exercises, how to warm up and cool down properly. <BR> <BR> Thanks so much! <BR> <BR> xxx Tue, 25 Mar 2014 15:08:28 EST 3 Months Update Hello everyone! <BR> <BR> I said I was leaving for good, but alas I am back because I am a much better heads space. I am basically planning to use Spark to track my calories. I want to see how much veggies, protein and calories overall I am eating. <BR> <BR> I am feeling SO good. I love who I am. I am treating my body well. I am enjoying life. <BR> <BR> Happy to be back. <BR> <BR> xxx Tue, 18 Mar 2014 13:22:49 EST Goodbye SparkPeople After much thinking I have come to the conclusion that my time here is over. I have enjoyed my friendships I've made here and I hope that we can keep in touch by e-mail. My address is: <BR> Thank you everyone for your love and support. It has been a joy to 'meet' all of you! <BR> <BR> SparkPeople is no longer fitting the path my life is going. I am into the Healthy At Every Size movement and not concerned about my weight, counting calories or getting to a specific size.... Sat, 21 Dec 2013 14:48:44 EST I've Done It All... If you want to keep being positive and happy, feel free to skip this blog. I wont take offence :) <BR> <BR> I don't get it. At all. What more can I do to get myself to a happy, peaceful outlook with my body and health? <BR> <BR> I've.... <BR> - written in a food journal <BR> - tracked food on Spark <BR> - tracked fitness minutes <BR> - attempted spark streaks <BR> - weighed myself <BR> - taken weekly measurements <BR> - snapped photos weekly <BR> - meal planned <BR> - banned sweets from the... Sat, 16 Nov 2013 23:10:58 EST Still The Same. As I type this a bag of Halloween candy is sitting to my left. I already have eaten five pieces. Yesterday I probably ate close to fifteen. This is binge eating at it's finest. It's not a bowl of cookie dough, but it counts when you don't feel hungry yet you continue to eat. <BR> <BR> I don't know how to change my mindset to see that exercise and eating well are not punishments, another diet, another way to lose weight, but a way to show how much I love myself. I sometimes feel like it is a ... Mon, 4 Nov 2013 13:15:51 EST Skies Are Grey Fighting this depression and it isn't even October yet (well, okay it's tomorrow, so that is soon.) I am so tired. I am having moments of 'I have no reason to be sad sadness' showing up. This morning I feel like I have been hit by a truck. <BR> Thankfully I did another round of light therapy and am going to have a nap before work to charge up my batteries. Therapist session in two days, hopefully she has some good ideas on what else I can do. It's already begun and I am hating it. <BR> <BR> ... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 10:06:56 EST Sensitive Stomach (TMI) I have been dealing with stomach issues since 2008. For over a year I was sick every single day, unable to work and do everyday things. It would strike out of nowhere it seemed. I went to various specialists, got blood work done, lots of tests and in the end it was myself that thought I had figured it out. I read about lactose intolerance, the symptoms all sounded like what I had going on, and so I began to take lactose enzymes whenever I ate dairy to help digest better. Last year I went for ... Sat, 14 Sep 2013 20:26:09 EST What Does It Mean? Forgive me ahead of time if I ramble too much. It's late, I'm tired so I may not make sense. <em>211</em> I've read many times that loving your body is equal to how you take care of it. Exercise, lots of sleep, hydration, healthy foods, less stress are all positives. <BR> <BR> My question is, if you are trying to love yourself more and you continue to not exercise enough for it to make a difference, if you keep eating more junk food then you ideally should in a day, if you don't see a lot ... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 01:15:10 EST Preparing With every Fall and Winter I can expect Seasonal Affective Disorder to rear its ugly head. Personally that means craving carbs, overeating, gaining weight, fatigue, oversleeping, depression, anxiety and wanting to isolate myself from the world. Not exactly what I'd call fun. <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> September is when symptoms begin to show so this time around I have an action plan. I did some research today and wrote down a bunch of helpful tips to cope with it. <BR> <BR> Included in the ... Fri, 6 Sep 2013 17:03:22 EST Healthy Does Not Mean... You have to be a certain size or weight. It's becoming a bit of a mantra for me lately. It's so easy to get caught up in needing to have rock hard abs, fit a size 'small' and have muscles popping all over. <BR> <BR> Healthy is being able to perform activities without feeling out of breath. Healthy is your body not feeling sick and bloated. Healthy is nurturing it with plenty of sleep. Healthy is appreciating what your body does for you every single day. Healthy is becoming stronger. Healthy... Tue, 3 Sep 2013 12:30:58 EST Health Goals. 1. <link> </link> <BR> <BR> Be able to dance like that someday! <BR> <BR> 2. Be flexible like Gumby <em>405</em> Use my yoga dvd! <BR> <BR> 3. Do Zumba routines on Youtube <BR> <BR> 4. Keep making more homemade healthy meals, at least one a week <em>291</em> <em>492</em> <BR> <BR> 5. Be stronger - full body push ups, increasing weights <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> 6. Love and be kind to myself and others Fri, 30 Aug 2013 13:45:02 EST New Ways Listening to my body has been the best thing possible. I am stopping when I am satisfied. Only a few mere months ago this would have never happened. I would have overate and felt sick. I have even left dessert on the plate and put it back in the fridge for later. Miracle! <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> My body is in turn craving fruits, veggies, meats, water. Found out some green tea drink I had been having weekly was not as healthy so I switched over to carbonated fruit flavored water - it feel... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 11:45:02 EST Stronger <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> I've decided that I want to be stronger. I have two sets of dumb bells: 2 lb and 5 lb. I also know push ups help melt fat and tone up arms. My question is as a beginner how should I begin this all? I don't want to overdo it and not be able to shampoo my hair for a week <em>246</em> How many reps and sets? <BR> <BR> Do I need to stretch or warm up before hand? <BR> <BR> Thanks! Thu, 22 Aug 2013 19:05:10 EST Uncomfortable <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Pictures of me happy and confident only a few weeks back with the exact body I currently have now. <BR> <BR> I don't feel comfortable in my own skin. I don't like how my belly jiggles. I am frustrated by the ideal in my mind is not coming to fruition quickly enough. Patience, patience, patience. I am not supposed to be focused on appearance ... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 23:35:14 EST Check-In! How can it already be August? Where has the year gone? <BR> <BR> I got back from a 10 day vacation on Wednesday. It lived up to my expectations and beyond. It was so much fun and relaxing. I was able to go to two beaches, which is something I had been really excited about, even though it was a bit chilly. <BR> <BR> A few months before this trip I spent lots of time worrying about my appearance. I considered doing things to lose weight that would not be seen as treating myself kindly in the... Fri, 2 Aug 2013 15:22:09 EST Intutive Eating If you can do the math it has only been a few weeks since my last post, not months like I said it would be. <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Upon discovering IE a while ago, I finally on a whim picked up a book on it on the weekend, devoured it and now am on my way to eating intuitively! <BR> <BR> No more counting calories, writing down what I eat, counting fat, carbs, protein, punishing myself with exercise, feeling guilty about what I eat...a new life is beginning and I am really happy and exci... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 16:09:10 EST Update. Hello! Hope everyone's Summer is coming along nicely. The weather here has been so beautiful. <em>67</em> Almost 2 months since I left here. Things have been going a lot better for me. I feel a lot more in control of my eating and my emotions. The best part is I am happy. I was too focused on losing weight, counting calories, exercising streaks. I needed to focus on the emotional side of things, not the physical. <BR> <BR> I was contacted by a spark buddy a few days ago asking if I am goi... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 15:05:52 EST Goodbye After much thinking I've decided I am going to take a hiatus from here. It's not something I currently can see myself using to become healthier, and I mean in all areas of my life. <BR> I have appreciated all your love and support throughout the years. I am grateful to all the teams, I've found so much goodness in the people on here. <BR> I need to step back and regroup. <BR> If you'd like to keep in touch please shoot me an e-mail. My address is <BR> <BR> I'd love to ke... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 00:19:01 EST "Hit The Road Jack... And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!" <BR> <BR> Depression is hitting hard. I feel overwhelmed. I have been blissfully living my life, happy, and it shows up unannounced. It is a shadow that hovers overhead, threatening to continue to envelop me. I have been through this whole routine before, it's a tiring one. <BR> <BR> I am so good at masking how I feel, I can keep this a secret - at least for a while until I begin to breakdown and it becomes too much to handle alo... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 11:10:52 EST Taking A Break I have come to realize that no amount of counting calories, exercising, reading about nutrition facts, fitness motivational photos and quotes is going to help me feel better until I seek help for some emotional issues. I don't want to keep going in an endless cycle and feeling disappointed every time I "fail" (and I don't believe that is the case now) at reaching my goals. <BR> <BR> I am going to be looking into counseling. <BR> <BR> Love you all and will check in periodically to keep up & ... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 23:04:36 EST Healthy Lifestyle Questionaire Found this on GIANTMICROBE's page. <BR> <BR> 1. What did you eat for breakfast? <BR> <BR> I haven't had anything yet, but plan on either a banana peanut butter smoothie or oatmeal with banana, peanut butter, shredded coconut and almond milk. <BR> <BR> 2. How much water do you drink a day? <BR> <BR> Not enough. There are days I gulp it down like a camel, and others I struggle to get a few glasses in. <BR> <BR> 3. What is your current favorite workout? <BR> <BR> A mix of Blogilates, Tone ... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 10:49:39 EST Motivation At It's Finest March 2012: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> June 2012: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> September 2012: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> December 2012: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> When I saw them last night, as I was searching for what will become my 'before' photos, I was hit hard.... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 11:01:20 EST Challenge Update The Love Your Body challenge has been so encouraging and exactly what I need(ed). <BR> <BR> I am not posting as much on here as I am being kept busy with checking in with the TIU community and staying on top of challenges and workouts. <BR> <BR> If I had to grade myself I'd give myself a A+ for effort, B for drinking water (some days I can guzzle it and other days it's a struggle), B- for working out, and A for my eating. My A for eating is not because I have been 100% with it, but becaus... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 11:38:14 EST 6.5 Weeks The Love Your Body challenge officially began yesterday, but by the time I got home from work, ate and relaxed it was time for bed. Soooo it starts today for me. Yay! <BR> <BR> Things To Do TODAY: <BR> <BR> - write down 2013 resolutions <BR> - list 5 things you love about your body <BR> - print out January calendar <BR> -Take before photos <BR> - come up with a big reward for sticking with it <BR> <BR> Things to do every day: <BR> <BR> -complete each workout daily <BR> - check in with TIU... Wed, 2 Jan 2013 11:41:58 EST My Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal Recipe 1/2 cup dry oats <BR> Splash of milk <BR> Dash of cinnamon <BR> Splash of vanilla extract <BR> 1 tsp brown sugar <BR> 1/3 cup canned pumpkin <BR> <BR> Mixed all together & heat. <BR> <BR> YUM!! <BR> <BR> Tue, 1 Jan 2013 12:08:05 EST Oh sh*t this is scary I am joining a 6 week challenge starting January 1 running to Feb 14. <BR> <BR> I am SO ready. <BR> <BR> I am also terrified. <BR> <BR> BUT! <BR> <BR> I want this. I can taste it. I can see it. I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I have the desire. I want to do this for me. <BR> <BR> A few more days and I will be jumping in head first, and taking myself on a journey I have never been on. <BR> <BR> I WILL DO THIS dammit. Enough hoping, wishing, dreaming - now to BE and DO <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 27 Dec 2012 16:29:11 EST Merry Christmas! & Goals for 2013! Back home from my holiday fun. It was wonderful. <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> As expected there was so much food and it was all so tempting...and I ate a lot. I weighed myself when I was there and I am officially 128, which was a big surprise because I expected to be A LOT more. That made me very happy! <BR> <BR> Goals met: <BR> -exercise 2 days <BR> - drink lots of water <BR> - didn't take seconds at meals <BR> <BR> Goals not met: <BR> - pop (I only drank half a can, it didn't even taste g... Tue, 25 Dec 2012 15:10:50 EST On The Road Again Leaving for my parents tonight. Packed an apple, dates & a Fiber 1 bar for snacks. I re-read my 'holiday plan' and I intend to stick with it. <BR> <BR> It dawned on me yesterday I haven't put brown sugar in my oatmeal for weeks. That made me happy! <BR> <BR> Will think of goals for next year and blog when we are back home. <BR> <BR> <em>253</em> Thu, 20 Dec 2012 12:03:21 EST Holiday Goals, etc. 1. Drink lots of water <BR> 2. No pop <BR> 3. Watch portions <BR> 4. Be choosy on what I eat <BR> 5. Exercise 2 out of the 4 days <BR> 6. Eat healthy breakfasts <BR> <BR> My mom suggested we work out together while I am there which made me very happy. She wanted me to show her what I do to exercise. She is a treadmill kind of person, but doesn't do any strength training. I told her how important that is, so I am hoping I can get her into it. <BR> <BR> I want to come up with some goals for ... Sun, 16 Dec 2012 11:30:37 EST Expecting Perfection vs. Full Potential Honesty 101. <BR> <BR> I am proud of my small victories: <BR> - writing down what I eat in a journal/nutrition tracker <BR> - trying to drink more water <BR> - exercising <BR> - making some healthy food choices <BR> <BR> What is the difference between expecting yourself to be perfect and pushing yourself to your full potential? <BR> <BR> There have been a few moments in my life where I have pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of. It was scary and uncomfortable. It took fo... Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:23:45 EST What Are You Made Of? <link><BR>feature=share&list=UUGxXDtRBJfDuCDv392<BR>x28Dw </link> <BR> <BR> Wed, 12 Dec 2012 22:31:09 EST Dear candy... You know I love you. I go to the store with the sole purpose of picking you up, taking your home, and eating you. I can't just stop at one, or three, or five...I eat all of you. It is a miracle if you last two days. This time you did. You tasted so good, but you made my stomach unhappy. <BR> <BR> I am putting my foot down and saying no to you my dear licorice babies & my sweet mini bite Kit Kat and Coffee Crisps. I know at this time I cannot have you around, I can't control myself. <BR> <B... Tue, 11 Dec 2012 12:35:03 EST ~Inspirational Pics <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=" Mon, 10 Dec 2012 11:29:50 EST A New Relationship With Food <img src=""> <BR> <BR> A few months ago my therapist asked how I would describe my relationship with food. With no hesitation I responded "Toxic." <BR> <BR> The definition of toxic is "poisonous." <em>230</em> <BR> <BR> If I had a relationship with a person that was toxic I would remove them from my life. <BR> <BR> I can't break ties with food, I need it to live. <BR> <BR> I have been using food for the wrong reasons. I have used... Fri, 7 Dec 2012 11:10:40 EST A Fresh Beginning Before photos from today. I wore a tighter top to show off everything. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Me wearing my new sweater and top which I love (complete with a cheesy smile!) <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I took some pictur... Wed, 5 Dec 2012 18:22:19 EST The Pregnant Belly Look 11 days after I announced I would be back in January I am here again. I began to look at my friend feed, catching up with everyone, and realized how much I miss this place. I just <em>382</em> so much! <BR> <BR> I have reached that point where I can no longer keep putting off being healthier. I am not willing to allow myself to put on more weight. I measured my stomach the other day and it's now 38". I look like I could be pregnant from the side. It shocked me to see this in the mirror th... Tue, 4 Dec 2012 13:03:01 EST Ushering in 2013... <em>30</em> Hi! <BR> <BR> Happy Thanksgiving! <em>429</em> <BR> <BR> Obviously today is not December 1st, so I am back earlier then I said I'd be. I've missed all of you and I hope you are doing well. <BR> <BR> It is hard to believe that 2012 is almost finished. <em>446</em> I love the Christmas season and am happy it is back so soon! <BR> <BR> SparkPeople is an amazing place. I am grateful for everything it has to offer. I am even more grateful for all the friends I have made. <... Thu, 22 Nov 2012 13:54:03 EST Will Be Back in December I feel like I should write a little explanation as to why I am taking a hiatus. <BR> <BR> First of all, as much as I love Sparkpeople, at times I find it overwhelming. Not necessarily keeping in touch with everyone - because I enjoy that - but the information and the focus of it all. I am sure that makes no sense. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> Also, I have accepted the challenge to write a novel this month. It's 50K and I did it last year, giving up halfway. I am really wanting to go for it fu... Thu, 1 Nov 2012 16:02:49 EST What To Blog About? I sometimes feel like my blogs are just duplicates of each other. <BR> <BR> The party was really good yesterday. True to my word I did not overeat. I am happy that I showed restraint. <BR> <BR> Back at work this afternoon. I am trying to stay positive, because really, I have no reason to be nervous. I've had this job for months and I know what I am doing. It may just feel a bit weird to be back. <BR> <BR> I have been stretching for my back and it's helping. Hooray! <BR> <BR> I am consider... Sun, 21 Oct 2012 13:06:37 EST Lots Coming Up My morning involved... <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> (I wish this was my kitty!) <BR> <BR> Saturday we are going to a friend's to celebrate my husband's birthday. I hope to bake something or I may be lazy and just buy instead. :-) Monday's my husband's actual birthday, so maybe we'll go to a movie and out to eat or something. <BR> <BR> Found out I am back at wo... Wed, 17 Oct 2012 20:36:21 EST Mixed Bag We ate out a lot while my mom was up. Diet Pepsi, candies, fries, flavored coffee, you name it. I can't justify it because it would be a poor excuse. I just wanted it and threw all caution to the wind. <BR> <BR> I got in a lot of walking <em>311</em> which was really good. Shopped a lot. I bought some beautiful jewellery on sale for under $4. Also scored some nice winter boots. I mentioned snow the other day, thankfully it was light and fluffy and went away within a few hours. <BR> <BR>... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 11:33:05 EST What Am I Doing?? I say no processed foods, and then eat some. I say no dairy and I eat some. I say no wheat and go back to it within 3 days. <BR> <BR> I want my body to be and feel better. I want to take it seriously, and begin to make this a permanent change. <BR> <BR> I know it isn't easy. I know there will be ups and downs. I know I CAN do this if I really put forth 100% effort. <BR> <BR> Today is grocery day. I am hoping to find a few simple wholefood recipes before going so I know what I'll be eating/... Tue, 9 Oct 2012 12:14:39 EST The Plaque One of my birthday gifts was a plaque. I didn't notice until this morning how appropriate it is. <BR> <BR> "Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson <BR> <BR> I am on a journey to become healthier and happier. To bring myself to the next level. Only I can do that for myself. <BR> <BR> My choices can bring me closer to the vision in my head of my future self. The person who guzzles water, fills her body with healthy foods, exercises to keep herself healthy mentally,... Mon, 8 Oct 2012 13:21:18 EST On The Fence With Wheat & Revealing Things As you know I added wheat back into my diet Wednesday night. This morning I feel constipated. I'll continue eating wheat for a couple days to confirm that is what is causing it and see if this stomach trouble stays. <BR> <BR> This morning my emotions still feel heavy. My parents are putting themselves through, in my opinion, unneeded stress and because of it felt sick. On top of that my aunt who has cancer was moved to palliative care and probably doesn't have a lot of time left. I don't k... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 12:55:46 EST I Ate The Brownie... <em>4</em> I ate every bit of it, slowly and enjoyed it. I feel a bit sad that I gave in, but I think going 3 days without treats is still an accomplishment. I am going back to 'no treats' now. I could have eaten a lot, so I am proud that I did not go overboard. <BR> <BR> I feeling really depressed and sad. <BR> <BR> I am going to have a nap and if I am brave (it's cold out) I'll go for a walk later. <BR> <BR> Thanks for your support. <BR> <BR> xxx Thu, 4 Oct 2012 16:30:55 EST Accepting & Onto Day 3! I will be attending my first OA meeting on Sunday afternoon. I am nervous and also happy to be doing something about my problem. There is another meeting downtown on Tuesday which also interests me as I was told the crowd is more my age. A little concerned about the anxiety creeping in, but I'll deal with it if it happens. <BR> <BR> Today is day 3 of eating natural foods. Yesterday I was a zombie by 5 o'clock so I had a nap which helped. My cravings weren't as bad as the day before. My stoma... Wed, 3 Oct 2012 13:36:37 EST Day 2! I made it a whole 24 hours. I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was really hard. Especially late at night when I'd normally have sweets. My cravings were ridiculous and I was so tempted to eat the chocolate chip cups my husband bought and take the brownies out of the freezer....but I didn't do it! What stopped me was remembering how sick I have been feeling. I don't want that anymore. <BR> <BR> And it paid off: no stomach issues whatsoever. Halleluiah!! <em>250</em> Not sure if my eyes ar... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 12:24:34 EST