MELLYBEANS0919's SparkPeople Blog

Update.

Sat, 8 Jun 2013 15:05:52 EST

Hello! Hope everyone's Summer is coming along nicely. The weather here has been so beautiful. 67 Almost 2 months since I left here. Things have been going a lot better for me. I feel a lot more in control of my eating and my emotions. The best part is I am happy. I was too focused on losing weight, counting calories, exercising streaks. I needed to focus on the emotional side of things, not the physical.

I was contacted by a spark buddy a few days ago asking if I am goi...

Goodbye

Fri, 12 Apr 2013 00:19:01 EST

After much thinking I've decided I am going to take a hiatus from here. It's not something I currently can see myself using to become healthier, and I mean in all areas of my life.
I have appreciated all your love and support throughout the years. I am grateful to all the teams, I've found so much goodness in the people on here.
I need to step back and regroup.
If you'd like to keep in touch please shoot me an e-mail. My address is
msmolliey@hotmail.com
I'd love to ke...

"Hit The Road Jack...

Wed, 20 Feb 2013 11:10:52 EST

And don't you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!"

Depression is hitting hard. I feel overwhelmed. I have been blissfully living my life, happy, and it shows up unannounced. It is a shadow that hovers overhead, threatening to continue to envelop me. I have been through this whole routine before, it's a tiring one.

I am so good at masking how I feel, I can keep this a secret - at least for a while until I begin to breakdown and it becomes too much to handle alo...

Taking A Break

Wed, 6 Feb 2013 23:04:36 EST

I have come to realize that no amount of counting calories, exercising, reading about nutrition facts, fitness motivational photos and quotes is going to help me feel better until I seek help for some emotional issues. I don't want to keep going in an endless cycle and feeling disappointed every time I "fail" (and I don't believe that is the case now) at reaching my goals.

I am going to be looking into counseling.

Love you all and will check in periodically to keep up & ...

Healthy Lifestyle Questionaire

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 10:49:39 EST

Found this on GIANTMICROBE's page.

1. What did you eat for breakfast?

I haven't had anything yet, but plan on either a banana peanut butter smoothie or oatmeal with banana, peanut butter, shredded coconut and almond milk.

2. How much water do you drink a day?

Not enough. There are days I gulp it down like a camel, and others I struggle to get a few glasses in.

3. What is your current favorite workout?

A mix of Blogilates, Tone ...

Motivation At It's Finest

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 11:01:20 EST

March 2012:

June 2012:

September 2012:

December 2012:

When I saw them last night, as I was searching for what will become my 'before' photos, I was hit hard....

Challenge Update

Tue, 8 Jan 2013 11:38:14 EST

The Love Your Body challenge has been so encouraging and exactly what I need(ed).

I am not posting as much on here as I am being kept busy with checking in with the TIU community and staying on top of challenges and workouts.

If I had to grade myself I'd give myself a A+ for effort, B for drinking water (some days I can guzzle it and other days it's a struggle), B- for working out, and A for my eating. My A for eating is not because I have been 100% with it, but becaus...

6.5 Weeks

Wed, 2 Jan 2013 11:41:58 EST

The Love Your Body challenge officially began yesterday, but by the time I got home from work, ate and relaxed it was time for bed. Soooo it starts today for me. Yay!

Things To Do TODAY:

- write down 2013 resolutions
- list 5 things you love about your body
- print out January calendar
-Take before photos
- come up with a big reward for sticking with it

Things to do every day:

-complete each workout daily
- check in with TIU...

My Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal Recipe

Tue, 1 Jan 2013 12:08:05 EST

1/2 cup dry oats
Splash of milk
Dash of cinnamon
Splash of vanilla extract
1 tsp brown sugar
1/3 cup canned pumpkin

Mixed all together & heat.

YUM!!

Oh sh*t this is scary

Thu, 27 Dec 2012 16:29:11 EST

I am joining a 6 week challenge starting January 1 running to Feb 14.

I am SO ready.

I am also terrified.

BUT!

I want this. I can taste it. I can see it. I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I have the desire. I want to do this for me.

A few more days and I will be jumping in head first, and taking myself on a journey I have never been on.

I WILL DO THIS dammit. Enough hoping, wishing, dreaming - now to BE and DO

...

Merry Christmas! & Goals for 2013!

Tue, 25 Dec 2012 15:10:50 EST

Back home from my holiday fun. It was wonderful. 334

As expected there was so much food and it was all so tempting...and I ate a lot. I weighed myself when I was there and I am officially 128, which was a big surprise because I expected to be A LOT more. That made me very happy!

Goals met:
-exercise 2 days
- drink lots of water
- didn't take seconds at meals

Goals not met:
- pop (I only drank half a can, it didn't even taste g...

On The Road Again

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 12:03:21 EST

Leaving for my parents tonight. Packed an apple, dates & a Fiber 1 bar for snacks. I re-read my 'holiday plan' and I intend to stick with it.

It dawned on me yesterday I haven't put brown sugar in my oatmeal for weeks. That made me happy!

Will think of goals for next year and blog when we are back home.

253

Holiday Goals, etc.

Sun, 16 Dec 2012 11:30:37 EST

1. Drink lots of water
2. No pop
3. Watch portions
4. Be choosy on what I eat
5. Exercise 2 out of the 4 days
6. Eat healthy breakfasts

My mom suggested we work out together while I am there which made me very happy. She wanted me to show her what I do to exercise. She is a treadmill kind of person, but doesn't do any strength training. I told her how important that is, so I am hoping I can get her into it.

I want to come up with some goals for ...

Expecting Perfection vs. Full Potential

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 10:23:45 EST

Honesty 101.

I am proud of my small victories:
- writing down what I eat in a journal/nutrition tracker
- trying to drink more water
- exercising
- making some healthy food choices

What is the difference between expecting yourself to be perfect and pushing yourself to your full potential?

There have been a few moments in my life where I have pushed myself beyond what I thought I was capable of. It was scary and uncomfortable. It took fo...

What Are You Made Of?

Wed, 12 Dec 2012 22:31:09 EST

www.youtube.com/watch?v=whCgcgF9n9M&
feature=share&list=UUGxXDtRBJfDuCDv392
x28Dw

Dear candy...

Tue, 11 Dec 2012 12:35:03 EST

You know I love you. I go to the store with the sole purpose of picking you up, taking your home, and eating you. I can't just stop at one, or three, or five...I eat all of you. It is a miracle if you last two days. This time you did. You tasted so good, but you made my stomach unhappy.

I am putting my foot down and saying no to you my dear licorice babies & my sweet mini bite Kit Kat and Coffee Crisps. I know at this time I cannot have you around, I can't control myself.

~Inspirational Pics

Mon, 10 Dec 2012 11:29:50 EST

The definition of toxic is "poisonous." 230

If I had a relationship with a person that was toxic I would remove them from my life.

I can't break ties with food, I need it to live.

I have been using food for the wrong reasons. I have used...

A Fresh Beginning

Wed, 5 Dec 2012 18:22:19 EST

Before photos from today. I wore a tighter top to show off everything.

Me wearing my new sweater and top which I love (complete with a cheesy smile!)

I took some pictur...

The Pregnant Belly Look

Tue, 4 Dec 2012 13:03:01 EST

11 days after I announced I would be back in January I am here again. I began to look at my friend feed, catching up with everyone, and realized how much I miss this place. I just 382 so much!

I have reached that point where I can no longer keep putting off being healthier. I am not willing to allow myself to put on more weight. I measured my stomach the other day and it's now 38". I look like I could be pregnant from the side. It shocked me to see this in the mirror th...

Ushering in 2013...

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 13:54:03 EST

30 Hi!

Happy Thanksgiving! 429

Obviously today is not December 1st, so I am back earlier then I said I'd be. I've missed all of you and I hope you are doing well.

It is hard to believe that 2012 is almost finished. 446 I love the Christmas season and am happy it is back so soon!

SparkPeople is an amazing place. I am grateful for everything it has to offer. I am even more grateful for all the friends I have made. <...

Will Be Back in December

Thu, 1 Nov 2012 16:02:49 EST

I feel like I should write a little explanation as to why I am taking a hiatus.

First of all, as much as I love Sparkpeople, at times I find it overwhelming. Not necessarily keeping in touch with everyone - because I enjoy that - but the information and the focus of it all. I am sure that makes no sense. 246

Also, I have accepted the challenge to write a novel this month. It's 50K and I did it last year, giving up halfway. I am really wanting to go for it fu...

What To Blog About?

Sun, 21 Oct 2012 13:06:37 EST

I sometimes feel like my blogs are just duplicates of each other.

The party was really good yesterday. True to my word I did not overeat. I am happy that I showed restraint.

Back at work this afternoon. I am trying to stay positive, because really, I have no reason to be nervous. I've had this job for months and I know what I am doing. It may just feel a bit weird to be back.

I have been stretching for my back and it's helping. Hooray!

I am consider...

Lots Coming Up

Wed, 17 Oct 2012 20:36:21 EST

My morning involved...

(I wish this was my kitty!)

Saturday we are going to a friend's to celebrate my husband's birthday. I hope to bake something or I may be lazy and just buy instead. :-) Monday's my husband's actual birthday, so maybe we'll go to a movie and out to eat or something.

Found out I am back at wo...

Mixed Bag

Sun, 14 Oct 2012 11:33:05 EST

We ate out a lot while my mom was up. Diet Pepsi, candies, fries, flavored coffee, you name it. I can't justify it because it would be a poor excuse. I just wanted it and threw all caution to the wind.

I got in a lot of walking 311 which was really good. Shopped a lot. I bought some beautiful jewellery on sale for under $4. Also scored some nice winter boots. I mentioned snow the other day, thankfully it was light and fluffy and went away within a few hours.

...

What Am I Doing??

Tue, 9 Oct 2012 12:14:39 EST

I say no processed foods, and then eat some. I say no dairy and I eat some. I say no wheat and go back to it within 3 days.

I want my body to be and feel better. I want to take it seriously, and begin to make this a permanent change.

I know it isn't easy. I know there will be ups and downs. I know I CAN do this if I really put forth 100% effort.

Today is grocery day. I am hoping to find a few simple wholefood recipes before going so I know what I'll be eating/...

The Plaque

Mon, 8 Oct 2012 13:21:18 EST

One of my birthday gifts was a plaque. I didn't notice until this morning how appropriate it is.

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am on a journey to become healthier and happier. To bring myself to the next level. Only I can do that for myself.

My choices can bring me closer to the vision in my head of my future self. The person who guzzles water, fills her body with healthy foods, exercises to keep herself healthy mentally,...

On The Fence With Wheat & Revealing Things

Fri, 5 Oct 2012 12:55:46 EST

As you know I added wheat back into my diet Wednesday night. This morning I feel constipated. I'll continue eating wheat for a couple days to confirm that is what is causing it and see if this stomach trouble stays.

This morning my emotions still feel heavy. My parents are putting themselves through, in my opinion, unneeded stress and because of it felt sick. On top of that my aunt who has cancer was moved to palliative care and probably doesn't have a lot of time left. I don't k...

I Ate The Brownie...

Thu, 4 Oct 2012 16:30:55 EST

4 I ate every bit of it, slowly and enjoyed it. I feel a bit sad that I gave in, but I think going 3 days without treats is still an accomplishment. I am going back to 'no treats' now. I could have eaten a lot, so I am proud that I did not go overboard.

I feeling really depressed and sad.

I am going to have a nap and if I am brave (it's cold out) I'll go for a walk later.

Thanks for your support.

xxx

Accepting & Onto Day 3!

Wed, 3 Oct 2012 13:36:37 EST

I will be attending my first OA meeting on Sunday afternoon. I am nervous and also happy to be doing something about my problem. There is another meeting downtown on Tuesday which also interests me as I was told the crowd is more my age. A little concerned about the anxiety creeping in, but I'll deal with it if it happens.

Today is day 3 of eating natural foods. Yesterday I was a zombie by 5 o'clock so I had a nap which helped. My cravings weren't as bad as the day before. My stoma...

Day 2!

Tue, 2 Oct 2012 12:24:34 EST

I made it a whole 24 hours. I am not going to sugarcoat it, it was really hard. Especially late at night when I'd normally have sweets. My cravings were ridiculous and I was so tempted to eat the chocolate chip cups my husband bought and take the brownies out of the freezer....but I didn't do it! What stopped me was remembering how sick I have been feeling. I don't want that anymore.

And it paid off: no stomach issues whatsoever. Halleluiah!! 250 Not sure if my eyes ar...

Paleo Diet

Mon, 1 Oct 2012 12:46:30 EST

Having the discussion with my husband went really well. He listened, he understood and he supports me. 334

I've decided to try a week of the Paleo diet. This will be a BIG challenge. I have a list of items to buy. I've bookmarked recipes and my plan is to wing it with meals. My only dilemma is how much food to buy? If I have to go back to the store mid-week I will.

Feeling so sick yesterday has spurred me on. I am not willing to let food control me.
...

Pitiful Party & Pity Party

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 13:20:19 EST

Warning: I am ranting and feeling down.

This is me happy at my party, before it went downhill. The food was great, I had fun for first bit, but then one person took over and all she talked about was work. She even tried to talk about it during playing a game. The only game we ended up playing the whole evening. On top of that two friends obviously forgot about the event and didn't show. Typing it out doe...

Homework

Sat, 29 Sep 2012 13:45:39 EST

It has been two days and I've had hit and miss with my homework. It is such an ingrained habit to eat everything at my computer. When I have sat at the table solo I feel bored and the silence bothers me. I know I have to get used to being alone, and being comfortable with it.

I also have timed my meals, but I gobble my food up in 5 minutes flat when the timer is for 15-20 minutes. I'll have to work on slowing down, putting my fork down between bites, chewing more.

I did...

I Heart My Therapist

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 18:56:56 EST

She is supporting me 100%. I have some homework to do and will share with her at our next appointment on Tuesday.

The list...

- eat only at the kitchen table
- set a timer for how long I eat
- drink water between meals
- write down what I eat, when I eat and what I am feeling
- have a discussion with my husband on how important this is to me

I am also going to be added to a waiting list to see someone who specializes in eating disorders. <...

2 Blogs In 1 Day

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 19:41:56 EST

I binge eat. It's getting worse. I am eating in secret. I am hiding evidence. I just ate a crapload of food and I feel sick. Bags of candy gone in a few days. Half a box of crackers in a few days. Extra helpings of food all the time.

I am going to see my therapist tomorrow and I am pretty sure I am going to have to come clean to my husband and my doctor.

It's bad.

39

I am going to get the help I need.

This was a very hard blo...

The Dreaded Measurements...

Wed, 26 Sep 2012 17:19:10 EST

I hesitate to post these because the jump in numbers from only a few months ago is staggering.

Honesty and truth is important to me which is why I am going to post them...

July 31 2012:

Waist 35.5"
Hips 41"

Today (Sept 26 2012)

Waist 39" (HOLY SHHH...)
Hips 41"

That's a HUGE leap in the waist measurement.

Yesterday I posted a blog only to delete it because it was so depressing and I didn't want people to be...

I Can't Do This Anymore

Sun, 23 Sep 2012 11:54:31 EST

Photos tell the truth, there is no twisting it to make it something else. I am a lot bigger then I think I am in my mind. We took photos yesterday and I was surprised to see how round my face was. My confidence dropped about 10 points.

I want to feel confident, look good, and have eating healthy and exercising become a perman...

Starting Again

Fri, 21 Sep 2012 13:01:18 EST

I love the above quote, because it rings true with me on many things in my life. Of course the one I specifically mean on Spark is my health and fitness.

I am going to approach this new year in my life in a different way then I have previously. As you can see I have been on spark for a few years. What I've done in the past never worked for me. I now see it isn't my failures, but a chance to learn and gro...

Lurker

Tue, 18 Sep 2012 19:16:57 EST

Helloooo!!!

Do you remember me? I used to be on here all the time. 246

I miss all of my friends on Spark a lot and I often wonder how you are doing in your lives. I will be back on Spark more regular sometime, I am on a bit of a break. I found myself too overwhelmed with trying to keep up with everyone all the time. Of course, nobody was asking me to swing by their page daily or even weekly - some people log on every few weeks - but I am the kind of person wh...

A New Month

Sun, 2 Sep 2012 11:45:16 EST

213 Hi, my name is Melissa and I haven't been too active on Spark for a few days, thought I would reintroduce myself. 246

Goals have been really good with my water intake and okay with my exercising. Having only two goals instead of a list has been a good idea.

I didn't take photos or measurements but I will in the next few days and post the measurements.

My mom is expected to come up on short notice sometime soon as my aunt who has cance...

"Feeling Really Down Status"

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 12:18:18 EST

Thanks so much for your concern, love and hugs.

I think it is a combination of Seasonal Affective Disorder showing up and just feeling mopey about making much progress with my goals.

I am going to start using my light box for my SAD, focus on water and exercise only instead of overwhelming myself with too many goals, and try to love myself and treat myself better then I have been with positive self-talk.

I am so thankful for all of you.

Today's pla...

~Self Love~

Mon, 27 Aug 2012 17:56:15 EST

To love yourself in the moment, as you are, is hard.

Lately my criticism of myself has been in overdrive. I haven't been feeling beautiful. I've made jokes about my weight in hopes to deflect how down I am feeling.

It's difficult to look in the mirror and not nitpick over my appearance.

My binge eating is out of control.

I don't want to dig myself deeper into a pit and not be able to get out.

I have good intentions. I try. I think (for ...

Credit?

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 10:55:02 EST

How and do give yourself credit for the small things while you are not giving your all?

I am unsure of how to respond and talk to myself.Do I give myself tough love? Do I celebrate drinking all my water when I am ignoring veggies in a whole day? What about having a treat before the week is up? There are many more examples, some positive and some not so positive.

I feel like I am flailing around and that small changes wont add up if I wont 'crack down' on everything. I al...

Dinning Out And Stuff

Sat, 18 Aug 2012 08:46:25 EST

Recap of yesterday's supper out. I scanned the online menu before leaving. I think this was the key to sticking with the healthy options once I had the menu in front of me at the restaurant. It was between the chicken fajitas and the BBQ rotisserie chicken...and the chicken won. It came with baked beans, a choice of side (I picked mashed potato with gravy - I know, not the best option), cornbread. It was delicious, and I brought home some chicken as it was a quarter of a dang chicken!
...

Operation October 1st Fit & Fab

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 19:42:20 EST

NON-NEGOTIABLE DAILY PLAN:

* 5 bottles of water
* NO POP
* Treats (ie. one serving) ONCE a week
* No baking at home
* 3-5 servings of fruit
* 4-7 servings of veggies
* Exercise FIRST THING in the morning before switching on computer
* Strength Training: 10+ Mins (Mon, Wed and Fri) (weights, body exercises)
* Cardio: 10+ Mins (Tues, Thur and Sat) (walk, dancing, Wii boxing, Wii tennis, etc)
* Active rest day Sundays (long walk, yoga, str...

I'm Crazy

Thu, 16 Aug 2012 15:28:35 EST

" Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Enstein

I am committed to my husband and our marriage, showing up for work, personal hygiene, paying bills, buying groceries, keeping in touch with family and friends...

Isn't being committed to myself as important? I know what it involves: eating well, exercising daily, being positive, drin...

"Today you get to be whoever you want"-NerdFitness.com

Tue, 14 Aug 2012 12:17:22 EST

I may have just found one of my new favorite quotes, maybe even a motto for life.

Binge Eating: Shameful

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 15:22:07 EST

I made the snap decision to bake this afternoon. I knew it would lead to eating cookie dough - and gobs of it. I currently am feeling very sick from doing so. I can't even put into words how upset I am with myself. It was one of my goals this month not to bake at home. It should be easy to avoid breaking it.

Here is a very real and honest confession that is hard to write...

Sometimes I think of purging when I overeat. I'd never follow through, I've read too much on eatin...

Start Of A New Week!

Sun, 12 Aug 2012 11:51:25 EST

Goals This Week:

1. Walks + 10 min daily
2. Weights +10 min every other day
3. Lower body exercise +10 mins on days I don't use weights
4. Lots of water (3 water bottles)
5. Track and measure food
6. Stay focused on goals
7. Curb treats to once or twice a week, not daily as it has been

A new week means a fresh new start. Hooray!

Today's plans:

1. Errands and shopping
2. Walk
3. Work evening shift
4. Hopef...