MELLIESUE13's SparkPeople Blog MELLIESUE13's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I am down but not defeated! Its been forever since I have actually written a blog. I have a lot of things going on right now. I am in the last stages of the divorce. Hopefully, only ONE more FINAL hearing to go. (I had no clue there could be so many "final" hearings.) <BR> It has been a year since my mother passed away, and another birthday has come and gone without her. I don't have to tell many of you who have gone through the loss of a parent, how that feels. <BR> I am still in the process of trying to rebuild my li... Wed, 7 Aug 2013 13:36:00 EST Struggling This has been a very difficult month for me in every way imaginable. I have been physically ill twice now (sinus/allergy/bronchitis issues). In fact, I am sick as I write this. I also have had some major problems that need to be repaired at the house. So, for the last few days I have been staying with my daughter. I am back for a few days anyway. Hopefully I will get those issues sorted out soon. I am really tired and weak physically and emotionally right now. So, its understandable that I... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 18:20:35 EST Good news 'n not so good news.. Went to the doctor this morning and it turns out the new scale is correct with the doctor's scale. I am glad to know they are correct, and even though it sets me back a little in numbers (because I have no idea how long the old scale was "bad").. I refuse to look back. I am excited to see what happens next week and the week after, etc. <BR> The not so good news, I do have bronchitis. UGH! Feeling a little better than I did yesterday though. <BR> I will never give up this battle. I will conti... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 12:03:13 EST Bummer! Today started out as a real bummer. I thought I had done fairly well last week with my weight loss efforts. And, for all I know, maybe I did? lol. I stepped on the scales this morning and weighed 10lbs less than I did last week. Ok, so I KNOW I didn't do that well... so again, I stepped on the scale. This time I weighed 6lbs heavier than last week. Surely that can't be right? SOoooo.. again I stepped on the scale only to weigh almost 20lbs less than last week. Alright, obviously the scales a... Mon, 3 Jun 2013 13:11:37 EST Thoughts, Confessions, and Wishes... As I said in my last blog, this has been a very busy month for me. I do, however, have nothing major planned for the last couple of days of the month. <BR> I spent today with my grandbaby. We had a blast, as usual. <BR> I have never been so sore in my entire life. Over the last few weeks I have done a tremendous amount of lifting and going up and down stairs. I suppose that had a lot to do with the soreness... but I would have thought by now I would have become somewhat used to it. I gues... Tue, 28 May 2013 22:34:18 EST The busy month of May I can't begin to tell you how busy my life has been these last two months. Helping my daughter move has taken up a good portion of my life. <BR> Yesterday I had to go to a funeral. My great-aunt passed away and so I spent the day with family to celebrate her life. She was a wonderful Christian example and also a dedicated wife and mother. <BR> Today I am exhausted but not much time to recoup... its back to my daughter's to help her finish this move. <BR> I do get a few moments here and th... Wed, 22 May 2013 10:03:51 EST Refocused, re-energized, and determined to do this! Wow I didn't realize that it has been this long since I last made a blog entry. I have been so busy with helping my daughter lately... I have lost track of time. <BR> Last Saturday my son and his fiancé graduated from college. He completed a BS Degree and she finished her Masters. I am so proud of them both! Then of course Sunday was Mother's Day... my first since my mother passed away late last summer. I miss her so much, but thanks to my daughter, she made my weekend very special. On Friday... Tue, 14 May 2013 07:25:20 EST A little "whine" with my cheese... If I had to use one word to describe myself right now it would be: EXHAUSTED. Surely I earned some activity points this month, believe me! Today I moved things to storage, did all my weed eating, cleaned the house, did all of my laundry..... and I even shoveled gravel! Needless to say, my back is killing me. <BR> Now that I am done whining...I will confess this last month has been very difficult for me to stay on program. The thing I find most difficult has been journaling. I just don't take... Thu, 2 May 2013 19:55:58 EST that peaceful life... Wow.. what a busy month this has turned out to be. But, busy is good too. It keeps my mind off of the stuff I can't do anything about lol. <BR> I have been sticking to my program as much as possible, but I confess I have been in a few tight spots where I haven't had the right choices.. yet I have still lost weight! (thank you Jesus). <BR> My final hearing is tomorrow, and I ask for your prayers. We are far from any agreement... and I don't know which way this will go. I am trusting God, how... Thu, 25 Apr 2013 07:32:22 EST Recap on my weekend.. Keeping busy is not as easy when you aren't at home. I did find things to do though. <BR> Today was very busy. I cleaned house. Tomorrow I have my grandbaby... that always keeps me hopping. <BR> I forgot to weigh in today.. that's how busy I was! <em>2</em> <BR> <BR> I have always dreaded the scale.. the thoughts now are coupled by the fear of not knowing at all HOW I have done over the last few days. Being out of my environment along with being in someone else's kitchen are a recipe fo... Mon, 15 Apr 2013 21:19:00 EST Thank you everyone I made it through yesterday without turning to food. I give that victory entirely to the Lord. Thank you so much everyone who prayed for me and those of you who posted on my blog. You are all so amazing! <BR> These next few weeks are going to be very stressful for me. I know that the only way I will make it through them is to spend a lot of time on my knees. I listened to all of your advice and it really reminded me of why I am here.. why I am doing this, and I know I can do this with Go... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 07:02:00 EST Hitting the Panic Button Ughh.. I am so nervous today..and all I can think about is FOOD. I want to eat everything in the house <em>39</em> . I just can't get my mind off of everything that is going on right now in my life. This is the toughest battle I have had with the overwhelming temptation to relieve my stress with food since I started this journey. I know in my heart it will not help.. in fact, it will only add to my stress and heap feelings of guilt on top of that. I just don't know what to do with mysel... Thu, 11 Apr 2013 10:28:03 EST My prayer... I am really having a difficult time finding motivation to do anything today. The last two weeks have been filled to the brink with things I HAD to do, and now I just don't want to do anything. <BR> I know that I should be busy finishing my spring cleaning, but even that desire has dwindled. I am at a point where it feels like I am living in an hour glass, and the sands are quickly sifting down over me. I can't exactly explain how I feel. There are so many emotions inside me...fear, dread,... Tue, 9 Apr 2013 09:53:05 EST I WILL SUCCEED Beautiful day here. I got a really good start on spring cleaning my kitchen. I also ran the dust cloth and sweeper over the rest of the house. <BR> Maybe its all the extra moving I am doing, but goodness I have struggled with "hunger pangs" over the last week. I think the small slice of cheesecake I allowed myself on Easter kicked me back into sugar cravings. Uggh... I know we aren't supposed to beat ourselves up over a little indulgence every now and then, but it always seems to set me back... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 20:40:07 EST All is well My report from the doctor was excellent. The biopsy showed no abnormalities.. just hormonal changes. Praise the Lord for that. Of course, that was the best news ever, but I have to tell ya, the icing on the cake was when he actually hugged me and told me congratulations on the weight loss. HE COULD ACTUALLY TELL.. I didn't have to tell him. He said he could see it. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> Thank you everyone for your prayers .. I am so blessed! Thu, 4 Apr 2013 11:57:37 EST Countdown The last few days have been very hectic, but I am getting through it. I finished spring cleaning the bedroom yesterday and took today to do a good thorough cleaning of the living room and foyer. <BR> Tomorrow I go for the biopsy results from my procedure I had on the 20th of March. I am dreading it like anyone else would, but I know God will be with me. <BR> I have to say the last week has been really challenging for me with food. I have been drifting between here and my daughter's house, ... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 19:07:40 EST Focus for April I have no idea how, but I lost 3lbs last week. That brings my total weight loss to 29lbs. <BR> I have to go back now and re-edit my goals for March. I accomplished some, others not so much. Considering everything that is going on in my life right now (believe me, I could write a book), I don't think I've done that bad. <BR> I have been trying to come up with new goals for April. Part of that will be to try to finish my spring cleaning... but honestly, I think with what I have coming up th... Tue, 2 Apr 2013 10:16:30 EST Recuperating I would like to start this blog by thanking everyone here who prayed for me and have supported me over the last few months. <BR> As some of you know I had a meeting with my stbx yesterday... all I can say is it was grueling. Funny word, grueling. Its not one of those words that you use often, but it fits this circumstance perfectly! <BR> There was no meeting of the minds yesterday. I am not shocked or surprised, I expected that honestly. But, somewhere in the back of my mind I had hoped a... Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:59:56 EST Thankful As I sat sipping my coffee Sunday morning I was listening to a message by Charles Stanley. The message was all about gaining your own personal acceptance, your self-worth, and overcoming rejection. I was so moved to know that we belong to God (Romans 8:16). We are worthy (John 3:16) and through Christ, we can do anything (Phillipians 4:13) <BR> I often catch myself wondering what heaven must really be like..I don't think we can even fathom the magnifincence that awaits for us there. I am remi... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 10:10:02 EST Will it ever be over? Yesterday was crazy. I felt like I was running in all directions. I am trying to get everything ready for this week's meeting with my atty. I am trying to get all that together plus do some more spring cleaning. It felt like I spent half of the day on the telephone. Unfortunately today I will have more of the same. Sometimes I think I am never going to get this behind me. <BR> I did feel good about my 3lb weight loss total for last week. The hardest thing for me is finding the time to plan,... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 07:27:05 EST Struggling with emotion tonight.. I made it back to the house today. Funny, I would normally have said: "home." But it doesn't feel like a home anymore. And of course to welcome me was the stressor in my life. This time via another phone call. Why do I take the calls you ask? The answer is to avoid an unwelcome visit. If I don't answer the phone calls, thats what happens. <BR> I am so weary of the stress this entire thing involves. Please pray for me that God will give me the strength to see this through. I know I need to j... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 19:46:43 EST Feeling fine Two days post op and I am feeling fine. I will probably return home tomorrow. Seems odd to think that home won't be my home much longer. After the divorce is final, I hope to move. Its been a rough year in the house, surrounded by memories. The thought of leaving there at first was almost unbearable, now the thought of staying there is unbearable. <BR> I am still working my program well, but its definitely more difficult away from my own kitchen and pantry. <BR> Only a little over 1 week l... Fri, 22 Mar 2013 20:25:34 EST All is well.. I wanted to let everyone know that I did fine yesterday. The procedure was a success and without any complications. I won't know the full results for a couple of weeks. <BR> Thanks so much everyone for your prayers yesterday. I appreciate it so much. <BR> It seemed odd not tracking my food yesterday .. so I am ready to get back on the fitness wagon lol. I wasn't very hungry yesterday when I was finally able to eat something. Daughter bought me a sandwich from Subway (lean) and I had that for... Thu, 21 Mar 2013 06:01:56 EST Dealing with the jitters.. I made it to my daughter's today. She's working, so I am on my own tonight. I am trying to not be afraid.. and really I know there's not much reason for concern about tomorrow, but, truth is, I am a little afraid. I brought some crocheting to work on, maybe that will help with the jitters. <BR> I just realized how many times I have said, "I just want to get this behind me." over the last year. Amazing. I still do though, lol. I just wake up every day thinking, "How much longer?" Hopefully th... Tue, 19 Mar 2013 19:37:15 EST Gearing up for tomorrow Started the week off running yesterday. I still have lots to do before tomorrow's procedure. Why does it always seem like it takes forever for something like this to get here UNTIL the day before? LOL <BR> Oh well... I had better get started. Tue, 19 Mar 2013 07:35:12 EST My week in review.. This week I decided to work on finishing my goals for the month of March. I did spring clean all of my bathrooms, create a vision board, track my food and water every day (so far). I still have the kitchen and master bedroom to clean by the end of this month and, time is running out! Next week will cut into my time because of my surgery (Wednesday). Hopefully I will be back in form by Friday and plan on continue my cleaning next weekend. That just leaves my weight loss goal for the month of... Sat, 16 Mar 2013 21:24:57 EST Surviving the storm Yesterday was a tough day for me. It all started with a phone call...and slid downhill from there. All of my hurt and anguish from the past two years came flooding back in on me. By nightfall all I could think of was food. Not just any food but something ooey and gooey and warm and comforting. I was almost to the point of caving in when thankfully I was able to realize that it wasn't the food I wanted, it was the comfort. I picked up the phone and called my sister and made her listen to me lo... Fri, 15 Mar 2013 09:13:44 EST Working on goals for the month This week I have been concentrating on working on my goals. So far, I have managed to spring clean both upstairs bathrooms. I didn't work on cleaning today because I had my grandchild. But, tomorrow I will tear the master bedroom apart. Then I will tackle the kitchen. I hope to get those finished before next Wednesday (surgery date). <BR> I finished my vision board (also a goal I set for March). I have hung it in my bedroom so that I see it first thing every morning. My sister gave me a work... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 20:09:52 EST My aha moment I didn't have a great day yesterday as far as my program goes. In fact, it was probably the worst day I have had so far. I really had a hard time tracking yesterday. I had my grandbaby with me all day... she keeps me so busy its tough to keep focused. I am so used to spending the majority of my time alone, and that makes it so much easier lol. I ate a few things that were NOT wise choices, I didn't meet my calorie intake, nor did I meet all my fruit and veggie requirements. All that being s... Sat, 9 Mar 2013 14:51:33 EST Facing my fears.. <BR> <BR> Yep, here I am scared again. This time its because of two things. The first is the prospects of a job I just applied for. What if I am not good enough? What if I can't do it? Where am I going to live? What am I going to do? Is this the right job for me? Is this where God wants me to be? <BR> The second fear is how fast my divorce date is coming. I am scared to death of being totally on my own. There, I said it. Why am I afraid? It's not really like I haven't lived on my own for y... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 18:14:40 EST Busy days... Its been really busy the last couple of days for me. <BR> I had my grandbaby yesterday. Thats always a busy time. We did get some sewing time together. She is loving the little beginner sewing kits I bought her. She quickly tired of that though and moved on to the next adventure. The next adventure (and yes, she calls them that lol) was for her, myself, and a HUGE, LIFE-SIZED GOLDEN RETRIEVER (all of us sitting in the same chair, mind you) to watch The Wizard of Oz. Thankfully she moved on a... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 09:03:46 EST Great weekend I had a great weekend really. Saturday was peaceful (I like those lol). Yesterday I took my grandbaby to the circus. She had acquired a free ticket from somewhere and asked me 2 weeks ago if I would take her. It wasn't a "great" circus, but the excitement in her little face was worth everything. Of course she had to have a snowcone and cotton candy. (Yes, I did taste both) <BR> I am down a pound for the week. I am pleased with that number because I didn't get to weigh in last week until Wedn... Mon, 4 Mar 2013 07:10:39 EST March Goals I've never been really good at setting goals. That's not entirely true. I have no problem setting goals, I have problems meeting them. I usually dream BIG...and then when I don't achieve them, I get very discouraged. So, this time I am going to try to be realistic and set small goals for myself for the month of March. <BR> <BR> 1. Create a vision board. <BR> <BR> 2. Lose 6lbs by the end of March. <BR> <BR> 3. Begin doing some form of exercise at least two days a week.(doctor permitting)... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 18:00:38 EST Praises I've had a day where I just didn't feel right. Kinda down in the dumps more than anything. The cold is bitter today and I am trying to be conservative with my heat so, I really didn't feel like doing much. I honestly can't wait until the weather is warmer and we get some consecutive days of sunshine. I have fought all day to keep this mood from completely swallowing me up. So, even though I didn't do anything majorly productive, I did work on making another purse and I also drug myself out f... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 19:50:07 EST Change of plans Everyday is shifting sand with me. Ever feel like you can't make a plan? That seems to be the story of my life lol. As soon as I make a plan, I can assure you something will happen to change it. <BR> Yesterday my doctor's office called. It seems they don't like to do just one surgery at a time. Hmm..... mass production.... mass surgery? lol. Anyway, because it turned out that I was the only one scheduled for surgery on the 4th, they asked if it would be ok to move my date to the 20th. If ... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 07:02:38 EST The scoop on my day I made it to the doctor's appointment this morning. My surgery is scheduled for next Monday. Hopefully this will take care of the problem. <BR> Got back home in time to go pick up my grandbaby from preschool. While out on my yarn run over the weekend, I picked up a couple of beginning sewing projects for her and I to do together. You never saw a happier child! She was so excited. She just kept saying over and over how proud her momma was going to be of her sewing. LOL She warms my heart ev... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 23:17:36 EST Good things come to those who wait? Looks like I will be going back to the doctor tomorrow. I got to my doctor's office this morning for my appointment only to find that he had been called to emergency surgery. My appointment has been rescheduled for tomorrow morning. Not a big deal except it throws my weigh in for the week off yet another day. Maybe good things come to those who wait? <em>334</em> Mon, 25 Feb 2013 13:46:43 EST Love my mother - daughter time.. I had a wonderful day with my daughter today. We always have a good time together. Well almost always LOL. No, really, we do get along great. I bought lots of yarn for future projects and she bought soap-making supplies. (Her newest hobby). <BR> I think I am stocked up for awhile and we made a pact that we would not be buying craft supplies for awhile lol. I wonder who will break that promise first? <BR> I will head home tomorrow after my pre-op appointment with my doctor in the early afte... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 21:16:51 EST Checking in Its been a few days since I've written anything here so I thought I would do so this morning. My sister-in-law and I took advantage of a Ladies Retreat that her church was holding over Friday and Saturday. I had an opportunity last year to attend their retreat. What an amazing bunch of ladies! I really feel renewed and ready to face the upcoming weeks. Although it was a really spiritually filling experience, I don't have to tell you that it was not so "diet friendly". lol But I am very prou... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 06:28:34 EST Update on tomorrow.. FIrst of all I would like to thank everyone for your prayers and your kind words of support. I haven't really had a chance to check back here until now, but believe me when I say I could feel the prayers being sent. After I posted my blog this morning, I again prayed and immediately I felt strengthened enough to leave it with God. Throughout the morning I stayed busy and was able to feel a sense of peace. Around 1 O'clock today my attorney's office called and said that the meeting for tomo... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 20:09:38 EST HELP! Ok... I have been fighting my nerves all morning. Tomorrow I have the first meeting with my estranged husband since last December. Even that meeting was not a face to face, lets sit down across the table and talk about it, chat. I have prayed about it.... I have decided to leave it in God's hands. YET, I keep picking it back up and stewing about it. So.. I am calling on all prayer warriors to say a prayer for me. I want this to go smoothly... yet I have this horrible feeling its not going t... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 08:57:12 EST One of those days... Its been one of those days! I was off and running the minute my feet hit the floor (or so it seemed.) It seemed like everything on my list was a bust. <BR> I hate days like this. I wanted to get everything on my list finished. But, I kept running into one dead end after another. Which means that everything left on my list for now on tomorrow's list. Along with that feeling comes the feeling that time is running out. <BR> I did get my biopsy report back. It came back as an be... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 21:09:11 EST The week ahead Busy busy week for me this week. SOoo much to do. But, I have my "To Do" list ready and am eager to start checking off the listed tasks. <BR> I am happy to say that I am starting this week with a 2lb weight loss. Considering the time away I spent at my daughter's house, the stress of the doctor's visits, and the running around out of my comfort zone I think I did pretty well. In fact, I was really surprised to see a loss at all. It has been so cold here.......maybe I froze t... Mon, 18 Feb 2013 06:47:02 EST Good day all in all.. I spent a very busy day at home cleaning today. I really got a lot accomplished.. still got a few things to do this weekend, but overall finished with the house. I feel so much better just knowing at least that's done. <BR> I also cut more plarn today. Getting ready to crochet yet another tote/purse. I never know which one it will turn out to be. It tends to have a mind of its own once I get started. lol. <BR> I stayed on track with my program today and feel as though surely some of this f... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 18:56:24 EST Home again I'm back home again after spending a few days with my daughter. The house is really quiet tonight. Strange how it feels that way. My daughter works afternoon shift, so after 4pm, I was alone at her place as well. It didn't seem so lonely there though. Maybe its because of the memories in this house... I don't know. <BR> So... I did really well on my plan today despite the travel time, the grocery store, and really not having a plan for tonight's supper (I wound up baking chicken). <BR> I ... Fri, 15 Feb 2013 20:15:19 EST Update So, I had to go this morning for a biopsy (oh the things we girls have to go through).. <BR> Because my doctor was not satisfied with how things went during the biopsy and the results of the ultrasound that followed, I will have to undergo another procedure in a couple of weeks. Meanwhile, the tissue that he was able to obtain will be sent away and I should have the results on Monday. <BR> Thank you to everyone who sent up prayers for me today. I really appreciate it. Sometimes, if I allow ... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 17:24:44 EST Just mumbling.. :) I have been doing ok with my plan this week. It has had its challenges (still at my daughter's house), but all in all, a good week so far. I really have enjoyed the company though. We have always been close and get along great, so that's a plus. <BR> I have to go this morning for the biopsy I mentioned earlier in the week. I'd be lying to say I wasn't a little apprehensive about it, but I know God will be with me. Please hold me in your prayers.... <BR> If the biopsy goes well and the afte... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 06:12:18 EST My Little Sweetheart Today was tough. I am scheduled for a biopsy in a couple of days and have a dentist appointment tomorrow, because of that I am staying with my daughter for a few days. Cooking in someone else's kitchen is challenging. On top of that I also watched my grand-daughter today. I should have planned better. And I did eat within my points values, but I just feel like I could have made better choices. I will do better tomorrow! <BR> I did enjoy my grandbaby today. She has been my absolute joy. She ... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 21:08:30 EST Setting goals? I know I am a little slow about setting goals. I often am afraid to set goals. While others work away at them, I am always the apprehensive one. If I aim high, I feel like I am setting myself up for failure. If I aim low, it feels like I am taking the lazy way out. I need to find a happy medium lol. Don't get me wrong, I have some goals I have set as far as my weight loss is concerned, however, what I tend to do is keep them private. <BR> I am curious to know, is there a right or a wrong ... Mon, 11 Feb 2013 07:09:17 EST Looking at the week ahead I had a good week this week as far as motivation and inspiration go. I did really good in some areas, and need improvement in others. I tend to do just fine until life interrupts. Then it becomes a juggling match of tracking, trying to get in all of my healthy guidelines, meet my daily points, and drink all of my water. Something usually suffers. This week's struggle was getting all of my veggies and fruits in. But, here it is Sunday again, and tomorrow I face the scales again. I am anxious... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 17:51:42 EST