MEL2POINT0's SparkPeople Blog MEL2POINT0's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Better Late then Never! I had no idea I would be at my heaviest weight ever at 36 years old. I have been attempting to hit goal weight now for at least 17 years. Sigh. That's a long time of not achieving what I wanted for myself. I'm actually surprised with myself... I am a strong willed, stubborn, and can get what I want if I put my mind to it. <BR> <BR> So, what is holding me back? I'm not sure. I'm not even sure that it's important because it's in the past. So long to failing and not keeping my promises to mysel... Mon, 29 Feb 2016 13:39:41 EST Dear Mel: Dear Mel, <BR> <BR> I forgive you! I forgive you for not being who you thought you would be. I forgive you for not always taking care of yourself. I forgive you for thinking, talking and feeling badly about yourself and your body. <BR> <BR> Others may have said things to make you doubt who you were and to change how you felt about yourself over the years, and that hurts. And it's ok to hurt and to not like that that happened. It's ok to get angry about others influencing your self-confidenc... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 15:03:49 EST One month of effort, 2 pounds down... Well, I have successfully finished 4 weeks of changing my life. I have done 4, 5 or 6 workouts per week for 4 weeks, cut out almost all pop, and unhealthy snacking. I have started running, training with a 5k app (zombies, run!)... Super fun! That has been part of my workouts for the last 2 weeks. <BR> <BR> However, so far my scale so far is almost completely ignoring my efforts... the best effort I've put forth in many a year. So, I just keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat a... Sun, 8 Sep 2013 12:39:54 EST Soul Searching... and Mending Yesterday was a pretty significant day for me. Not in an exercise, food or weight success sense, but likely more important than all 3 of those put together. It was kind of a perfect storm of what I needed to hear now and what I needed to acknowledge and fully understand. <BR> <BR> I went to see my chiropractor, who is really truly like a life coach and an amazing man. He always talks to me about life and how to deal with stress and how to be a healthier version of myself. Today he said somet... Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:59:26 EST Running??! Like, in front of people?!? Okay, so here I go... I signed myself up for Color Me Rad 5k run in July... yikes. I am in no way shape or form a runner. A part of me loathes running and always has. I liked to sprint and do hurdles as a youngin, and I joined the cross country running team mostly because that's what I did in junior high... I joined stuff. :) <BR> But, a small part of me knows that there is a potential runner in there somewhere. And that is why I signed up with some friends to do the 5k. I watched a dear frie... Mon, 27 May 2013 11:52:31 EST What does it take? Okay.... how many times can I fall and get back up? How often can I say, "That's it... starting tomorrow or next week I'll get back at it?" Why do I keep falling down and giving up? It's really not ALL that hard and I know the health benefits, see results, feel good, enjoy the team support and have a real sense of myself when I'm at "it". So why the giving up and self-sabotage? This January I weighed in at the very heaviest I've ever been. That's not okay with me. I want to be a good role mod... Sat, 26 Jan 2013 22:33:41 EST But WHY can't I have 40 hours a day? One of my age old enemies has resurfaced. I had a very busy week, every aspect of my life started to fall apart, and I turned to fast food and "treats" to deal with the stress of it. <BR> <BR> I stopped tracking, thinking about what I'm eating and exercising. My explanation was I have no time, but I ended up tired, sleeping in, feeling guilt as well as stress and no energy. Plus, without the water I've gotten used to, I had dry mouth, lips, skin and eyes. <BR> <BR> I could not get out of be... Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:13:16 EST What a difference a pound makes! It's kind of ridiculous that yesterday I was feeling a bit out of control and like I was failing a bit, and then I weigh myself this morning, have lost a pound and my whole outlook changes. <BR> <BR> I'm so happy that the scale went down today, or else I might have let my mindset spiral and not take care of myself this weekend, which would have furthured that out of control feeling. <BR> <BR> Life has been busy, but I'm trying to remain positive and change how I've been feeling. <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:32:26 EST I get by with a little help from my friends... Having people to share this journey with is so important. I know that now. I've tried on my own many times, with others without similar goals, with lots of people that don't stick to it and then I feel excused to eat badly as well. <BR> <BR> Since discovering Spark People and trying to reach out to a few teams, I look forward to discussing and sharing my successes, ideas, frustrations, and knowing there are people out there that I can communicate with at any time and find support. <BR> <BR>... Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:20:40 EST Bless me, sparkpeople, for I have binged... It's been a while since my last blog confession. I spent a week in California and seemed to eat out almost every meal, and not with a healthy menu in mind. I managed to only gain 2 pounds, but with a trip to Jamaica staring me in the face in May, it's a step in the absolute wrong direction. I managed to try on and find a ton of inexpensive dresses for the beach in an outlet mall, but bathing suit shopping was very very very scary!!! I have decided to wait till the end of March for that scarin... Thu, 3 Feb 2011 15:16:20 EST GRRRRR... Okay, so gaining 2.8 lbs in 2 days when you're trying to lose is very frustrating. I know I wasn't perfect, but I wasn't terrible with my choices either. It's hard to stay motivated when you see results like that. I'm not freaking out or giving up, but it's been a pisser of a few days and I actually cried about my frustrating life yesterday. It had nothing to do with the scale and everything to do with my lack of time and being consumed by everyone else's needs and demands and the lack of tim... Wed, 24 Nov 2010 21:44:45 EST Here I go again on my own.... Oh, I mean, with my teams. :) K, so I totally need to be doing a hundred things other than blogging, which is part of the problem. My schedule's ridiculous, stressful and sleep deprived, but won't be changing till my kids are older than 1 and 4. So, no excuses and no inventing reasons why I can't do this. I was doing great, feeling great, but got unmotivated, let one day become and week, then all summer and fall, and now here we are, at the same place I was almost 6 months ago. I have so many exciting things coming up tha... Wed, 17 Nov 2010 15:32:55 EST Boo Yaw!! Well, Boo Yaw, Master Chief, or whatever it is the army or navy say (no disrespect intended). That's just what I felt like yelling after some swift biking this evening. I went on a brisk 15 walk with the bike to put air in the tires, then I pedaled pretty hard for me, anyways, for another 15 minutes. The air was cool but not cold and dusk was settling in. It was great! I drank 8 glasses of water today and I ate better than I usually do, so that's a start. I feel energized and ready to tackle ... Sun, 25 Apr 2010 22:42:13 EST Here I go again, for good! I know I've tried and not tried many many times. I know I missed some will power, motivation and believing in myself. I must say, wearing a bridesmaid dress and then a swimsuit on the beach in Jamaica in a year is quite motivating! I will be on this site daily and keep myself accountable. I will write in a journal, I will find support with my friends and just say no to many of the bad habits that got me here. I'm pumped!! Sat, 24 Apr 2010 17:23:56 EST