MEDDYPEDDY's SparkPeople Blog MEDDYPEDDY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Floating and sleep I rarely get around to write blogs nowadays – when I am finished with tracking and huddling and all the other things on spark it is time to go to work so it may be a bad idea to save blogging for last. <BR> <BR> This week I have applied to be a part in a research about floating - the university was looking for people with anxiety problems and a friend in AA passed on the tip - I had to fill in a form with a lot of questions about my mental state and realised that my sleep is not as good as i... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 01:18:00 EST Broken bike and binders Thursday afternoon the steering of my bike got loose and I almost drove in the ditch... since the repairer had been tampereing with it I phoned him and he said to coime by - but also told med he was closed friday. And I was almost going there when I thouhgt that I did not want to spend around hundred crowns in gas money so I had to wait until monday when I go to work again and his shop is open... but I tried to fix it myself without success, I also tried to fix my other bike but my pump was b... Sat, 29 Mar 2014 05:00:47 EST The ancestors... As I decided to use the help of a therapeut to be able to handle the anxiety that arises when I try to change my behaviour patterns I got into studying my family - we are going to use Bowen theories and I started to look for family history - got a book that I grew up with but have not seen for years, my nephew had it and collecting it was really nice as we had a long and interesting talk as we met. <BR> <BR> Anyway – I did know that my great grandfather was born in the region I used to live ... Wed, 26 Mar 2014 05:19:43 EST Poor Merlin Fixed the bike for a lot of money and when weekend came it was finally time to get out with doggy. We both forgot that he has become a little chubby during winter and his paws are not hardened yet... and when we realised this we were far away from home and had to get back. I had a limping dog that evening, not wanting to move from his bed: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> He is fine again but lesson learned - we will have to build stren... Mon, 24 Mar 2014 03:03:52 EST Wishes from the dying Reading a post from a palliative nurse who had listened to the dyings last thoughts for many years. Her experience was that people regretted this: <BR> <BR> 1. I wish I had the courage to be true to myself instead of living to others expectations. <BR> <BR> (There is something wrong with the "tempus" here but I can´t figure out how it should be in english.."had had" "have had""did have" "would have had"?).) <BR> <BR> 2. I wish I had not worked as hard. <BR> <BR> 3. I wish I had the courag... Sat, 22 Mar 2014 04:53:39 EST Long time no see It´s been a while since I wrote, I have not beern depressed or gone, I have just been occupied... or maybe it is this thing that I am trying to live by my gut feeling and it is very overwhelming and hard to cvope with. <BR> <BR> I have also been practising the piano - decided to become good int playing "the entertainer" and practsed practically all free time, it took me fourteen days to make it sound reasonable good. <BR> <BR> Then I was going to this weekend course for women waqnting to p... Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:09:52 EST Anxietyweek Not feeling good at all, I could ot understand why until I realised that it is deadline week again - the three days coming up when the business edition is to be put togeteher... as I am a compulsive postponer, I ususally build a lot of anxiety based on guilt for having a lot left to do. <BR> <BR> The weird thing is that I don´t have that this month, I have one article that should have been written, oterwise I am quite up to date and should not feel bad at all. <BR> <BR> But I think it is th... Mon, 24 Feb 2014 02:51:43 EST Cancelled Our family reunion was cancelled - brother phoned and said that due to the weather and to few of his children being able to attend, he would postphone the event until later spring. I was on my way swimming so I got my exercise anyway. <BR> <BR> Me and daughter went to town and visited a exercise yard for doggies - there was a meeting for little dogs there but Merlin thought it was mostly scary and clinged to me, showing teeth to any dog that tried to say hello... but that´s okay, he talks v... Sun, 23 Feb 2014 01:25:49 EST Happy dysfunctional Heaven did not come crashing down on my head when I stood up for my feelings, I could recieve the different kind of comments without feeling devastated. Some defence showed up, wanting to argue about stuff, but really, the important thing was to say the things on my mind even though I knew that the probability that some people would disagree would be more than big - the goal is to nurture and develope my "inner compass" to grow integrity which I feel I have not had much enough of. <BR> <BR>... Sat, 22 Feb 2014 01:23:46 EST Mrs Grumpy I expect to make a lot of mistakes upcoming months - thats what normally happens when I try to learn something new and my mental developementright now is sort of different... <BR> <BR> I was not happy with most of the comments I got on my blog yesterday – and to write this is extremely frightening as I get scared to be told that I have no right to complain... although I am not really complaining in the sense that I advice people to act differently, I am trying to expose what I really feel an... Fri, 21 Feb 2014 04:25:28 EST Cunning, baffling, powerful... I am reading the latest news from science about health - telling me that research finds that peoplle who don´t drink at all don´t live as long as people who drink a little. "Drinking a little" means not more than one glass of wine a day and you can´t save your glasses to the weekend and drink them all then, it has to be small amounts often... <BR> <BR> I could not drink a glass of wine a day, that I know for sure. Very soon there would be an occasion where I would think "but today is special... Thu, 20 Feb 2014 01:13:04 EST Moving on Yesterday was a happy day, lots of hope. <BR> <BR> Spark Friend Joys comments on my blog really made me grateful because there is a world of wisdom there, an experience that is so valuable to me. What I like the most is that it is not a theory, no "diet", just adjustments on personal food choices based on experience. <BR> <BR> It makes me happy to think that maybe I can keep on eating meat outside of the house, not so much because of the food choice but because I do believe that people on m... Wed, 19 Feb 2014 00:09:37 EST Admit or accept... I am desperately trying to find some strategy that will stop me from overeating - one of them is to attend AA meetings and yesterday I heard a guy share that when he got sober - 15 years ago, his therapeut had asked him "What will you use to fill the black hole in your soal when you don´t use alcohol?" And this guy had started using the 12 steps and that has kept him sober one day at the time. <BR> <BR> This hit me in the stomach - because I was sitting at tha meeting and thinking about goin... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 05:06:33 EST Not again... Had another of those anxiety situations where it comes totally impossible for me to do things I have to do - in this case to pay bills.... <BR> <BR> They were due the last of january and the reminders have started to drop in... and I keep postponing it "I´ll do it tonight..." "I´ll do it first thing in the morning... " "I´ll do it the minute I come home from work..." this has been going on for about fourteen days, incredible! AND painful! <BR> <BR> An hour ago: <BR> <img src="http://photos... Fri, 14 Feb 2014 02:24:50 EST Accepting THe past week I have really struggled with the serenity prayer, maybe the last part "understand the difference "(Between what I can change and what I can´t) <BR> <BR> I do believe in helping myself by finding tools that leads to where I want. I found AA that has kept me sober for eight years. When I steopd smoking...23 years ago, I isolated myself for the first two weeks, staying away fromthings that was to associated with cigarettes (alcohol, coffe, social gatherings) <BR> <BR> But as my o... Tue, 4 Feb 2014 02:05:24 EST Make me feel important! The other week I interwiew two women who had a company that had increased their results with 20 proecnt by working with education and coaching among the coworkers. One of the tools was that they had started a readingcircle (voluntary) reading books about how to sell. Very much american style that does not really go with us melancholic swedes but still rather fun. <BR> <BR> So I asked if I could join and they said sure... I got my book yesterdaty and have to read up the first five chapters..... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 03:43:13 EST Not so good... The january mission in the happiness projext is not progressing that well - it should be about exercise, sleep and decluttering. <BR> <BR> Exercise is the best part - I will reach 1500 minutes today and have good hope to be over 2000 minuutes before the month is over. <BR> <BR> Sleep - not so good, yesterday I could not go to sleep until three, I suspect having too much garlic in my dinner was the reason. This nght was better although I woke upå at four and that is a bit too early. The cat... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 23:16:25 EST Changing gym My only problem in this world is me... <BR> <BR> Last week I interviewed a female entrepreneur who has started a gym for women only - for those that for some reasons dno´t want to perform with men - religious, overweight, celbrities and such. I have no difficulty to exercise in a mixed gym but I haven´t been to the one I am paying for since october... one explanation is my doggy carer who went ill then, I have done my exercise by walking or biking with doggy for at least 30-60 minutes and th... Mon, 20 Jan 2014 00:32:32 EST Winter exercise I had planned to go to indoor morning swimming yesterday early but looking outside made me realise I needed to do some shoveling. Walked doggy in the woods first - I am as I have told before not a winter fan, and one of the reasons is that snow makes it hard to walk in the woods. And with all the snow that is coming down now it will not be long before they prepare ski tracks in "my" running track and then I can´t use that for walking at all until spring. And skiing is out of the question, hav... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 02:15:08 EST Progress - whohoo! Doctors appointment yesterday, I was eager to know if I had managed to change the "bad" cholesterol and what my blood pressure is. <BR> The cholesterol had gone down a little, not enough yet -but the blood pressure! <BR> <BR> 120/75 <em>244</em> <em>345</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> It has taken me seven months to bring it down from 140/95, I am VERY pleased with myself! I will meet my doctor in september next time and will continue to work on getting the cholesterol down. <BR> <BR> Mon, 13 Jan 2014 22:25:15 EST The january effect... I have been swimming in the morning most saturdays since november - it is only for people over eighteen and vary calm and meditative. They open at 8.15 and I usually swim an hour. <BR> <BR> Saturday before new years eve I was alone in the water for half an hour, then two people more came - it was comfortable not to be bothered by spashing or others swimming slower ( I am a slow swimmer myesl but there are even slower) <BR> <BR> The week after I had to smile whan I arrived at the indorr pool... Sat, 11 Jan 2014 05:33:28 EST "Virtue is its own reward." ...was claimed by Aristoteles... I don´t know about that. I feel like I get rewardes instantly as soon as I try to be a better person. <BR> <BR> I´ve already written about last friday when I thought I was going to visit a refugee camp to socialize with the syrian refugees over a cup of coffee - and ended up in a feast with delicious arabian food! <BR> <BR> Monday my humble interpretation of a good deed was that I knitted mittens for my sister that I will give her when I meet her saturday. I... Wed, 8 Jan 2014 04:26:53 EST Darkness and light The good deed yesterday was to visit the lady that my dog has been in daycare with. She still has the restraint order to be in the mental award but has allowance to go outside without company. <BR> Last time I visited her - in the beginning of december I think - it was really hard. Anxiety and depression exuded from her and influenced me a lot - went home and had a lillte binge on it. Although I was relieved to see that her room was quite nice, more cosy than I had imagined. <BR> <BR> This ... Mon, 6 Jan 2014 01:23:08 EST Good deeds – the happiness project again As doing good towards others is a proven method to feel happier I have decided to try to do something unselfish for others every day during january - and write about it on Spark. Not to brag but keep myself aware thatI need tofind ways to act out of goodness. <BR> <BR> 1 january: Helped a friend to tow her car from where it broke down to a workshop - she offered gas money but I refused as I know she is very poor for the moment. <BR> <BR> 2 january: Posted an article (by snailmail) to my sis... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 07:19:18 EST The happiness project Spark Friend Magnolia has started a Spark team that will work with the book "the happines project" by Gretchen Rubin. That goes well with my plans for 2014 so I joined. Ordering the book from Amazon told me it will be until february before I get it, maybe I should have invested in the kindle version but I thought I needed paper to read and reread. I got a sample to read and from the "Getting started" I do recognize: <BR> <BR> "It was time to expect more of myself. Yet, as I thought about hap... Sat, 4 Jan 2014 00:07:20 EST Brain over binge.. No I did not read that book but got so many reviews that I think I have gotten the message. <BR> <BR> I kind of agree. I know that my weight problem started with Twiggy - former british super model who was the first really skinny ideal - I was 13-14 at the time she became popular and of course I started to diet to become like her... that took me into the eternal cycle of starving- bingeing that has occupied my life since. In retrospect I can see that my big gains has come after a big diet - ... Fri, 3 Jan 2014 02:45:15 EST Overcoming myself I had an appoinment with my dentist today - I was there before christmas knowing I had lost two fillings and dreading how much it would cost me to fix them. He told me that it would be alltogether about 3000 (455 USD) and I knew that I could not escape it... but I admit that I have been thinking about calling in sick or otherwise change that appointment – but at the same time I knew I would have to do it. <BR> <BR> But I did not like to go to work this morning - I just had a short time... Thu, 2 Jan 2014 10:39:01 EST New years resolutions I had to look up the swedish translation for resolution - in swedish we use the word for "promise" for our new year decisions... and as always there is a discussion wether it is sane to make all these promises since you are probably going to fail anyway. <BR> <BR> It is a fact that it will be hard to get into the gyms in january, some instructoir told med that it lasts three-four weeks and then it is back to normal. And I get very curious - is it the usual exercises who steps up their exerci... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 02:34:11 EST Being mean I don´t exactly love my life today – and the effect is that I want to snarl and bitch at everybody that talks to me... my weightloss has stopped, can´t find any inspiration and also really fear the coming weeks when food will be everywhere and I would really need some good mood and willpower to get me through... <BR> <BR> I haven´t written about the standup-experience, it went well. I tested my material and realised it was not fuynny - my audience did their best to encourage me but I didn´t ... Mon, 16 Dec 2013 04:07:50 EST A lot of exercising This weekend I "made up" for not exercising during deadline days last week - and I am happy that I spent two hours walking the woods with doggy saturday and one hour sunday because as we were walking yesterday the snow started falling <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> the snow flakes aren´t visible in the photo but they are there and it fell down about 20-30 centimeters. It will make it hard to walk unplowed roads and the running trac... Mon, 9 Dec 2013 00:14:08 EST The points again I started with Spark september 2009 and have since then reached the highest point level - 100 000. The point system helped me get started and involved in the social bit and it kept me doing things on a regular basis. <BR> <BR> And I am still here and check in although there is no pint to it anymore. And silly as it is, I can notice that my engagment has slacked a little, not only because I also participate on a swedish supportsite and have to be active there as well. <BR> <BR> I have cover... Thu, 5 Dec 2013 00:17:24 EST The dangerous month... ...concerning food begins. <BR> <BR> Yesterday daugther and me decorated gingerbread: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I would prefer white sugar but we had some eco-sugar, that made it brownish and then tried to color it purple...didn´t work. <BR> <BR> They are now in my kitchen window: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> and the challenge is to eat only one - the right date - e... Mon, 2 Dec 2013 02:52:50 EST Advent December is giving at good start since my newly renovated kitchen meands that half the house was cleaned ok,now I"Only" have to proceed with everything else. <BR> <BR> The last week I gained a little, birthday and not much exercise was not beneficial... it is scary considering that christmas is coming up with lots of opportunities to overeat. <BR> <BR> It will be one day at the time. <BR> <BR> Peace is in my kitchen: <BR> <img src=""> ... Sun, 1 Dec 2013 01:02:24 EST Friends As I have already written, I had a nightmare about friendship friday night. Saturday I called both friends - the woman who had been attacked by a neighbour as well as the woman I lodged wiith some years ago. Both conversations was really good and I felt energised and good about myself. <BR> <BR> Today I have finally written a letter that I have thought about for a while now. It is anopther friend, not closed, who has been diagnosed with cancer with very small chances of surviving. Hi was the... Mon, 25 Nov 2013 05:16:43 EST Done! ..well, maybe not entirely, I lack nails to nail back floor lists in kitchen, ande there is a tine bit by the stove that I deciced not to wallpaper but to put some board on and I have to buy the board but still... <BR> <BR> This is before: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> the floor in the hall was red: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> and the kitchen floor was brownish: <BR> <img src="ht... Sun, 24 Nov 2013 01:24:47 EST It´s two in the morning... ...and I woke up and could not go back to sleep. Having a big mug with tea with milk and sugar, two gingerbread cookies and they play popmusic with associations to the 60ties on the radio, makes me nostalgic. <BR> <BR> Friend of mine had an awful experience and wrote about it on a mailing list we both have belonged to for many years (in fact that is how I got to know her) I wrote supporting words but later thought that I maybe should have called her. Thing was that she wrote the first mail t... Fri, 22 Nov 2013 20:40:51 EST Feet really killing me... Than you all for encouraging comments yesterday, after putting my saw together and also mounting it onto the table I also bought, I had to test it and – wow, I could finish the floor by the entrance door! I also finished painting the hall which included a lot of climbing up and down on a ladderdoing the fine work up at the ceiling... <BR> <BR> Inspired by the saw I also made some extra panel in my kitchen, it is really easy to make stuff when I have the right tools. My worry about shopping t... Fri, 22 Nov 2013 02:01:05 EST Post shopping blues I clearly hava streak of shopaholic in me. I decided to give myself one of these babies for birthday: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Bought it online, it came yesterday and the postshopping blues is raging. I will have to build a house or something to justify this thing... in my defence I talked to a friend and we discussed having it togehter, she does a lot of wood work too... and this is me trying to downshift my life and get rid of... Wed, 20 Nov 2013 23:23:04 EST Entertainment I am working from home - sitting at kitchen table with computer. Lifting my eyes I see the birds enjoying the sunflowersseds I started feeding them some day ago. Under a bush lurks Glorious, the mighty cat. I wonder if I should chase him away, the birds are in danger... but a moment later he has moved and hopefully sits under the bird feeder - every bird can see him and I can see them almost laughing their little silly heads off while mocking the cat... suddenly he runs off really hurry. <BR... Sat, 16 Nov 2013 02:29:43 EST Ooops - time is passing! Thanks to those of you who have wondered about my silence – I have been on Spark daily but merely checking in and doing some "chores", no blogs. <BR> <BR> I´ve been to Oslo (on work) and overate but considered it normal and did not worry - but two days after I went into the first binge sinse june and I sthink I might have been able to avoid it had I not already been weakened by the eating in Oslo. The cause For bingein was clearly that I visited my dogcarer at the mental award - the atmosphe... Fri, 15 Nov 2013 00:55:29 EST Confused halloween When I was young, we did not celebrate haloween in Sweden it is something we have imported during the last ten-fifteen years - and now they have decided to differ it from our "Normal" celebration this weekend, which is "all saints day" - we visit the graves of our beloveds and put candles everywhere... so halloween was supposed to be last weekend but the confusion is total... and my daughter and friend wanted to celebrate it today, unfortunately they will go to a movie and will not have time ... Thu, 31 Oct 2013 00:50:11 EST Trying on clothes An obsessive behaviour I have when I have lost weight is to try on the clothes thats been hanging in my wardrobe ... and this occured today.I haven´t really admitted it to myself but for the last...two years or so I have not been wearing anything but t-shirts or tanktops with a shirt over and black sweatpants, soft and not hard on my jeans has been on the shelves - I have two sizes and have even heistated about the bigger ones. <BR> <BR> And it is a joy to wear clothes that I hav... Sun, 27 Oct 2013 03:52:24 EST The ghosts has arrived. Our "haunted house" started yesterday <BR> <link> </link> <BR> <BR> and I decided to look more haunted this year: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> It was a wonderful evening, rather warm and no rain and lots of people came to look at the lightening that has been done all around the little village it takes place in. The old ruin is majestic and they had an opening with a drum group that was pure magic. ... Fri, 25 Oct 2013 23:31:08 EST Crafts today So, I produced a "Ghost checkers" for halloween and our haunted house... my idea is to creat a "Home, horrid, home" scenery wherer two ghost will sit at this table and play checkers.... the table is from IKEA, 49 crowns (7,5 USD) that I bought some time ago to have as a show stool for doggy - I got som white contact paper and made the checker board with. And the mans (?) are made from a little thicker paper, it took a while to make them although it is all very simple: <BR> <BR> <img src="ht... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 02:32:10 EST The weight and me I don´t know if I am right but the idea of eating "relaxed" for me is somewhat like the idea for an alcoholic to drink "relaxed" ... or call it "Normal". <BR> <BR> I am very bored with tracking for the moment, especially since I found that exercise does not give the calorie benefits that tracker promises, still I want my exercise minutes for health and it seems like tracking is a motivator. <BR> <BR> There is nothing physically wrong with me, I digest nutrition as I should and have no food ... Sun, 20 Oct 2013 03:58:39 EST NSV ...I will start with being negative - my weight loss is not progressing as it should. Immedeately my innner voice starts telling me that I am probably cheating and not tracking as I should...until I start to study my numbers more closely. I am nerding a lot about this and track my food and my exercise in detail - and as I get a rewarding difference every day I should be losing. But it seems that most of that difference comes from exercising, if I take away the calories I get from exercising i... Thu, 17 Oct 2013 02:21:39 EST The benefit of exposing... I wrote about my music scholarship and that by publishing about it on facebook I had gotten two suggestions about cooperation. <BR> <BR> Went to church last sunday to get in the mood... and have started of one of the songs that my former choir leader suggested. It is to be for easter day and it might be good. <BR> <BR> I also wrote about it in my swedish support group - the web site is a little like Spark people but not as advanced but hey! we are swedish and not that many, we could not sup... Mon, 14 Oct 2013 22:45:00 EST Another kilo down... ..but it has been a hard week. With dog carer in hospital I have to organise to work from home as much as possible and it stresses me to know that doggy does not have the best life. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a relief – I asked the friends whose dog I looked after when they were to India a short while ago to look after him in the afternoon when I was working, as I wanted to go to a song concert in the evening and that I could not have done if I had left doggy at home, would have been too many ... Sat, 12 Oct 2013 01:27:47 EST Authenticy I had a meeting with one of the sale guys yesterday, discussing upcoming editions. He is obviously scared of me, my bluntness seem to have that effect on some people and as he gets nervous and sort of peopel-pleasin, I get impatient and more harsh – and he gets even more nervous the poor little thing. <BR> <BR> It is the usual divergency between ad people and editors - they want ads all over the place and articles about the companies they want to sell ads to, and we resist and tell them that... Wed, 9 Oct 2013 00:07:57 EST Eavesdropping Went swimming in indoor pool - saw a bunch of people who was dressed as "professional" swimmers and had a trainer although they obviously were grown-ups, even gray- haired som of them. Pondered wether there might be groups for adult swimmers and wouldn´t I like to learn how to crawl... I have never learned I only do breast strokes... but that group of old-timers were far too advanced for me. A pair of them was walking along the pool and I eaves dropped as I was swimming along – the man said t... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 23:30:56 EST