MEDDYPEDDY's SparkPeople Blog MEDDYPEDDY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Erasing games Since summer I have played a game on my Ipad - "Pearl´s Peril" I did a lot in the beginning as I thought I would reach some sort of end, but after a month or so I understood that it is supposed to go on... for a very long time. <BR> <BR> But I was stubborn and somehow determinated to finish it so I have been playing it very patiently, three times a day as the "energy" to play comes with timelimits. <BR> <BR> And I found another couple of gameapps that I also found rather amusing and though... Mon, 13 Oct 2014 06:40:47 EST Gaining ... I think I set a new record for gaining weight - four kilos in a week! <BR> <BR> Although I try not to despair over it, the explanation is that I had the last medicin on monday and it took until friday until I got to the pharamcy and fetched another ration of my oedema pills. I could feel the fluid assembling in my legs during the week and although the pills has started to work I can still feel my legs as a little swollen - I will see what the scale says next saturday, I did well with foo... Sun, 12 Oct 2014 02:56:39 EST Voice care I went to a workshop for singers yesterday. I was relctant because it is hard to drive back to town once I have gotten home in the evening, but as I had signed up for it and as I did think that they would not have too many participators I pulled myself together, got up from the sofa and went. <BR> <BR> And I am glad, it was really interesting. It was held in english as the leader was a rock singer from Ireland. It was interesting that she had moved from Ireland to London to attend London Mus... Tue, 7 Oct 2014 02:19:15 EST Stand-up comedy Yesterday I did my fifth stand-up-comedy performance - and my first in a "real" club, which means that it was organised with a headliner, a runner-upp and two rookies. I was one of the rookies and as usual almost unconcious with nerves and "why-am-I-doing-this"-anxiety. <BR> <BR> It was 70 km from home, the friend that I am trying to do this together with was to late in signing up and did not get to be a rookie this time. <BR> <BR> The anxiety before was as bad as always - I have told mys... Thu, 2 Oct 2014 00:24:19 EST The potato crisp miracle So I went to the store for vegetables and passed the aisle with potatocrisps. A bag caught my eye "new flavour - chanterelles and sour cream". I could not resist, put it in my basket and added all the healthy vegetables... <BR> <BR> Normally that is where the choice is made. It was long ago I tried to fool myself by saying "I will buy it and only have a handful a day"... I know that if it goes home with me it goes in my stomach rather quick. <BR> <BR> And as a true addict I opened the bag i... Wed, 24 Sep 2014 22:53:35 EST Stress Yesterday I was a good person.... invited this woman who used to run a gym to lunch - she lost her business during summer and is now looking for a job. She is an immigrant from Russia and we swedes are not good in letting foreigners in - she is very highly educated and experieced but that does not help you are too qualified" they tell her - I am starting to realise that in this country it is very hard to get somewhere if you don´t have connections. <BR> <BR> As I am writing about the region... Tue, 23 Sep 2014 23:24:35 EST Making and breaking rules Reading Anne Catherine who describes the thread of selflies that is typical for an addict, although she calls it "breaking rules": <BR> 1. Before you enter the store you decide that no matter what you are going not going to buy a bag of your favorite candy. <BR> 2. In the store you find yourself in front od the candy shelf, buy the bag and change the decision into "I will only eat three pieces" and not open it until I am home..Rule one broken. <BR> 3. You decide that you will not open the bag... Mon, 22 Sep 2014 22:19:01 EST Feelings Drove the daughter with friend to the bus that takes them back to her father and school. This is when I usually overeat, shame and sorrow over the situation, comfort because I feel badly treated and a lide reward fo me having been such a good mother all weekend... <BR> <BR> Do this time I went home and had all those feeling roar as I had my soup for the evening... <BR> <img src=""> Sun, 21 Sep 2014 22:41:59 EST Daughter and me! Performing together...very basic Sun, 21 Sep 2014 02:51:45 EST Fireworks in my brain I feel bad about suddenly falling into silence for such a long time, since I consider many of you as real friends - and it is nog friendly just to remove myself from company... <BR> <BR> I know it is silly - bu it is because of the huddle function. When that still around it was the incentive for me to visit teams and huddle every morning - and at the same time I did some sort of check-in, and I can´t really understand why I can´t keep onchecking in every morning without the huddle... but tha... Sun, 21 Sep 2014 00:43:57 EST 43 To do or not to do Yesterday I read the "Fighting the urge" e-book by dr Amy Johnson <BR> <link><BR>2013/12/Fighting-the-Urge_Dr-Amy-Johns<BR>on.pdf </link> <BR> <BR> and afterwards went to an AA lunch meeting. Dr Johnson says that compulsive eating is neither an incurable addiction nor a compensation for deep inner needs that can´t be changed until you have defined and fulfilled those needs. Dr Johnson says that it i our lower brain being taught to answer the craving by... Thu, 24 Jul 2014 02:52:09 EST 41 The heat is on It´s hot again - the disadvantage is that I can´t play the accordioan as freely as before because the windiw is open and it will be heard out on the street which might be distrurbing late at night or early in the borning. Closing the window is a tricky thing because there is a flynet mounted in it and it is a cumbersome activity. The other disadvantage is of course that it is hard to move or get anything done - yeterday I walked in the woods with doggy and I was totally soaked with sweat alt... Tue, 22 Jul 2014 01:14:24 EST 39 The new passion... So I got my accordion yesterday - wow! When I left if to this old man for repairing, he said that it would be a couple of weeks – that´s why I went to the library and borrowed all the books about accordions to learn more while waiting... <BR> <BR> And when I found that the first swedish accordion was built in my village, I had to phone this guy to ask if he knew – as he had read the same book as me, he did. But he also told me that my accordion was fixed and I could come and get it. We had ... Sun, 20 Jul 2014 01:59:07 EST 37 Plumbing and more... Have not been able to motivate myself to write, and am not too enthusiastic about life in general either although I do try to make every day the best day of my life! <BR> <BR> Last time I wrote I had this small anxiety about visiting bonus daughter in GOthenburg, in retrospect I realise that it was mostly about driving that far in the heat - but we were very fortunate and it was mostly cloudy or even raining. The drive took about 3,5 hours one direction which meant thast I spent seven hours ... Fri, 18 Jul 2014 02:25:57 EST 32 Mood swing Today my mood is down - for the usual reason, it is all about the food. Had too much to eat yeasterday and suddenly everything is hopeless again. <BR> <BR> Apart from food, it was a good day - we had that pirates party, I did not join in the battle but sat in the first row and looked at the children throwing water bombs and having fun. In the evening daugher and me once again visited that improvisations theatre and had really fun - and then we went home and spent the rest of the evening in... Sun, 13 Jul 2014 02:46:40 EST 31 It´s a month! A month without meat has passed, and it has been a hard struggle. I did not manage to stay away from the cake, of course I could plan for a stop to cakes like the one I am trying with meat, but it does not seem realistic to imagine a stop for the ret of my life... mayby I could imagine a year without all food that I don´t need... <BR> <BR> I am also aware that my thinking is the oppsite that it "should" be - according to all health gurus I should think positive, about the stuff I CAN eat ins... Sat, 12 Jul 2014 04:56:09 EST 29 Support would be appreciated! It is daughters birthday - sang for her and made "Poor knigths of Windsor" (or french toast) for her at breakfast – and had some myself too as the recipe is for two persons... very stupid start of a day that I know is going to be filled with temptations - and as the on-off person I am, the only strategy that usually works is all or nothing... <BR> <BR> Maybe my salvation was with lunch - made spare-ribs in the oven for daughter and when they were done I really faltered - knowing that she wou... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 08:22:35 EST 28 Time-out-time...or? So I am on my second day of eating perfect... meaning that I have planned my food and not eaten out of my plan. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is daughters birthday. It is a very austere birthday, the "big" gift was the camp she just finished and it will only be her and me - sister will come in the evening and then she will have some small gifts from her as well - her "big" gift is to drive around the area and visit a lot of flea markets (daughter loves them) all friday and pay for a reasonable amount o... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 09:29:43 EST 27 Ancora Imparo! By now my meatless days has become (in my eyes) so impressively many that they are worth defending. Meaning that when craving and temptation strikes one of my stopping arguments are "Do I really want to "destroy" the streak I have managed so far?" In this case my black-and-white personality serves me, I use it to stay away. Deep down I know of course that the "just this once" - argument my sick mind tries to claim is nonsense, if I eat meat now it will be a relapse that I don´t know how long ... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 05:19:59 EST 24 Deadlock... It seems that I sometimes get hit by a "deadlock" and become paralyzed - it is common concerning being too late paying bills, if I am overdue I get paralyzed and do nothing until it´s really late and I have to do many saltomortals to get it right again... <BR> <BR> I am in a face-bookgroup for giving away things in my area. It is very practical, I make a post of the thing I want to give away and people answer and the the taker an me goes private to agree on details. Do far I have given away ... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 02:01:06 EST 23 Biking with doggy Yes, I am still on the no-meatwagon – and it is still very hard. I have also added icecream and candy to the no-nos but have not counted days on those. I realise that I will have a problem with the "No meat" rule when it comes to breakfast. Standard breakfast o me is coffee and homebaked wholewheat bread with smoked ham on - I also have smoked salmon on but that is rather luxury - and cheese is not good to keep in the house as it is a temptation to overeat...I will have to establish another... Fri, 4 Jul 2014 02:57:05 EST 20 Wow,it IS hard... Giving up meat is much harder than I ever thought, I have had some really bad moments in the past weeks and it does not get easier because I really doubt why I am doing it... There is no real health reason from the nutrition, I should preferably give up sweets, icecream and fast food if that was the real reason. <BR> <BR> And as I still eat fish and chicken I did not think it would be that hard, but it is, I have really been fighting some tough battles wit myself in the food store... I only ... Tue, 1 Jul 2014 05:29:21 EST 18 Good saturday Yesterday I was standing in that village square of Sunne, looking at my daughter performing her hula hoop routine as part of our show and felt that perfect happiness - the weather forecast said rain but we were lucky not to get any shower during our show and later daughter helped with the circus workshop and I acted fortune teller in my little tent. Not so rein proof so when the big shower arrived I had to have an umpbrella in my tent... wet tarot cards tend to stick too much... <BR> <BR> D... Sun, 29 Jun 2014 04:01:29 EST 17 Ready to move on? As an impulsive drama-queens "taking it easy" is a very hard task for me... yesterday I had an unplanned sandwich but tired to - instead of feeling like a total failure "again" - remind me that focus one was to stay off red meat and this I have done for 17 days. <BR> <BR> maybe time to exclude something else ... bread for example. That will have to wait for four more days because I have four slices left of this wonderful german vollkorns-bread that I eat one slice for breakfast - the only pr... Sat, 28 Jun 2014 02:36:42 EST 16 Denial and balance Yesterday I was at the store and held a packet of swedish pork shoulder for a while - managed to put it back and went for the chicken instead. If I should think of ethical food consumption, none were the better then the other in these choices, but I have accepted to give up on eating only organic chicken - I simply can´t afford it and as long I have to spend so much energy in avoiding red meat I need the chicken as a solution. Later on when I have got accustomed (if...?) to a foodplan without... Fri, 27 Jun 2014 04:37:17 EST 15 Home=temptation Being on vacation makes me aware that I want to eat as soon as I am not occupied with something else... When at work I don´t think about food and it comes sort of "natural" to eat at meal time. But being at home all day is hard because I tend to think too much about what to eat and when to eat... better find a solution to ths before I retire... <BR> <BR> Remembered to photograph food - salmon, carrots and rice: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 03:46:26 EST Two weeks celebration of no meat... I don´t no if I stayed off meat this long before... not deliberately I think. Witgh meat I mean red meat, I am still eating chicken. <BR> <BR> Experiences so far? Overeating becmes a problem because when cravings set in it is meat I long for, even when I think bread I want smoked ham on it... that does not mean I have not overeaten these two weeks, last night I had a little encounter with peanuts that did not end well - and after looking it up I realised that nuts is not something to pig out... Wed, 25 Jun 2014 02:05:40 EST Day thirteen - vacation & stress I have three weeks ahead of me of vacationas - and it might have been stupid to decide to fix my guestroom into a students apartment because I can already feel the stress - I wake up and thing "I should hav done much more already..." the fact is that if I don´t get it ready until autmmun it does not really matter, I can´t begin to collect rent but I have lived without that rent so far and will probably manage in the future also... so I need to stop worrying, take it easy and enjoy every singl... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 01:57:39 EST Day eleven - cunning disease... I belog to an online supportgroup of swedish ladies - it is not twelvestep program although some of us are into it. <BR> <BR> One of the ladies has lately found the solution - she says. She is i a weight group at her local health centre and she has lost some weight since it started. She sort of acts like "problem is solved" and is moving towards an attitude where she starts to tell us what to do. <BR> <BR> On misummer eve she ate som sweets that she had not planned and too much of them too... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 08:47:02 EST Midsummers ten If my daughter had not made chocolate cookies I would have managed midsummer perfect... as it is I had more calories than planned but no meat and as I also biked I was still on the pluds side calories consumed/used. I forgot to photograph any of the meals - we were having picnic and dancing and a lot of people, so I´ll share with you this mornings egg - that I chose not to eat. The picture did not come out as it looks, in reality the white was totally grey and even though it did not smell bad... Sat, 21 Jun 2014 04:26:43 EST Day nine - a little attack... So I just decided to eat yesterday... but had it not been for the Brie I might have gotten away with a decent sum of calories anyway but 300 gr of Brie is ...yik far too many! <BR> <BR> But still no meat which is good. <BR> <BR> Daughter arrived yesterday and this morning has been spent trying to look for omething to do - it is midsummers eve in Sweden, one of our biggest holidays. Traditional food is fresh potatoes with sour cream and herring an strawberry cake afterwards and of course a l... Fri, 20 Jun 2014 04:13:00 EST Day eight After discussing with myself for a while I really went to that water exercise - only to find that it was not on... all dark and quiet in that tempered pool so I went into the ordinary swimmingpool and started swimming - and realised that it was probably closed because it was all quiet and emptuy... but I thought that I would coniinue until somebody came and asked me to leave... and I did the 45 minutes I had time for before going to work and when I went back to the locker rooms I met a staff ... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 00:35:36 EST Day seven Overate yesterday although not past my "allowed" calories - I went swimming for an hour and that makes me really really hungry. After I had started it was of course really tempting just to go on eatig, the tracking stopped me as I realised that I could eat that without the "all is lost" collapse... <BR> <BR> I am now thinking about going to that "Aqua power" this morning again, to be honest it was not that funny and it costs a little extra money - but compared to swimming for an hour it is e... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 00:06:16 EST Sixth day without meat As my feet are getting better my energy also increasesI am alsotrying to be totally honest about my food, that is easy as long as it is on the good side, we´ll see what happens when it starts to slip. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I finished the floating, I have done twelve sessions and it has not been as good as I imagined. Probably because as soon as something turns into a "must" (this was part of a research, I had committed to do 12x45 minutes) it stresses me a little. Two tyimes a week was also a ... Mon, 16 Jun 2014 22:36:46 EST Fifth day without meat Yesterday I cleaned more than one spot around the house - very grateful to have the energy. <BR> <BR> I am also planning to post pictures of the food again but my program for adjusting pictures has changed and I can´t change it back so I will see how much problem it will be to do it another way... but the plate for yesterday was chicken thighs, beet root, onion and salad: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I made chicken in the oven wit... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 23:59:42 EST Fourth day meatless Yesterday was not as exhausting as I had expected - driving a couple of hours on a sunny day and then performing iin full costume... it went well. The most exhausting thing was in fact having a girl in my car going back home - she is a really nice girl and always in a good mood and willing to go the extra mile for our group. But she is also very christian, which is a little weird in Sweden where we are very secuklar. <BR> <BR> Making converation we got into the subject of being judgemental a... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 01:30:33 EST Third day of no meat... ...and feet are feeling better. I wrecked them yesterday doing that waterexercise - had I read the presentation of their "water aerobics" – "our toughest exercise" – had I never dared to join, but now I am thinking of doing it again, they have it twice a week and I don´t have to be perfect, just to make an effort... I would call it "water fight" because it was really working against the water with body, i almost drowned mysel a cpuple of times and it was really really tiring for the body ev... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 00:02:29 EST Friday the 13th I had to google to see if friday the 13th was considered unlucky also on the outside of Sweden - and it was. It is a very weird superstition since there is no explanation at all, just a belief that a certain combination of weekday and date means anything specific to "luck"... it is easier to believe in astrology as it does connect the earth relation to stars at a given time and if tide is affected by the moon why should not my body be affected to things out there in space... that said I am no... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 23:04:28 EST So easy off track... I really need a lot of help to keep up with my routines - after the changes on Spark people I have lost consistancy in visiting teams. I used to visit five teams a day, write a post and huddle, and I have been doing this for... three or four years. But as the "huddling" disappeared, so did the mark on the team site that shows me how many teams I have visited and somehow I lost my motivation to visit five teams... <BR> <BR> Yes, it is idiotic but after a month without the huddle function I h... Sun, 25 May 2014 03:19:31 EST The exciting alpha-gal... I have been argueing about this before - to give up meat. Just because I think it triggers me, especially pork. I have not managed and had never found any scientific proof that my xperience of "allergy" to meat is valid. <BR> <BR> The thing I have found i about gout - that too much protein makes the body produce "urinsyra" (there is no translation available - directly from swedish to english would be "urineacid"?) hta gives gout...BUT thast is not only protein from meat, but from peas and b... Sat, 17 May 2014 03:48:26 EST Paying the bills I thought some of you could benefit from me telling you about my weird mental state when it comes to bills. <BR> <BR> Mostly it works well. When the salary has landed on my account I sit down and register all bills that I have to pay that mnth. <BR> <BR> Mostly. <BR> <BR> But sometimes it just does not work. I start to postpone and the more I do that the worse it gets. Those bills are staring to haunt me in my nightmares and the anxiety grows - I start telling myself (in a rather harsh vo... Wed, 14 May 2014 00:53:10 EST Family matters Went to see my cousin yesterday - this Bowen thing I am doing had led to the point tha I needed more information and I thought she might know why my gradfather commited suicide. <BR> <BR> This cousin is born -46, and as she reminded me that us cousins spent a lot of time together as children, I also knew that it was not me that much as I was the second youngest, but she and my sister (born -48) were great friends and she loved staing with us because she loved the farm and thought that it was... Tue, 13 May 2014 01:06:48 EST The pain of changing I have been meeting this therapeut four times now - one time more and I will be done for this time, can´t afford more hours... <BR> <BR> It has been great - we have mapped my family way back - it was only two generations necessary but as I had this family register I have looked back to 1750 when our ancestor immigrated from Germany. It is on my fathers side that things are that well registred as we are noble there is a lot of genealogy there. On my mothers side I have only been able to go t... Sun, 11 May 2014 04:46:33 EST Saved again and summer plans So it is deadline week - I had messed up things so I was looking ahead to this week with real horror - had somehow forgot that 1st of may is a holiday and I did not have the time I thought to get things together... and instead of making me work harder, that insight totally paralysed me so yesterday I had a lot of things that had to fall in place if I would fix this... and they did! There is a sying in swedish ""children and fools are protected by God" and once again it seems to be true on my ... Tue, 6 May 2014 01:01:30 EST Glorious goes to town Daughter and me went shopping - the main reason was getting a charger for her new phone. When we took off the highway to the mall we suddenly heard a spooky meowing from somewhere. I was relieved to learn that Glorious was in the back – at first I thought that he might be trapped with the engine which is a plce known to kill many cats... <BR> <BR> I had opened the doors of my car on the driveway as it had been in the sun for too long and obviously it was perfect temperature for a sleepy cat... Sun, 4 May 2014 23:57:56 EST Embracing change -not! This is some sort of test - I think I will get very few comments on this blog becasue people will not see that I have posted it... <BR> <BR> as you may understand this means that I am totally lost with the changes that Spark people have made to the team pages. <BR> <BR> Trying to figure out what the use of them is I start to question my own presence. I am maybe not the kind of member Spark People want: <BR> <BR> 1. I have been around five years without reaching my goals. <BR> 2. I am not ... Thu, 1 May 2014 02:30:45 EST Easter over We have had a fantastic easter - summer weather really, yesterday people was wearing shorts and t-shirts! <BR> <BR> I changed wheels from winter to summer and I am really grateful that I could manage. I had decided that my changing days are over, for the last three year I have gone to a workshop to do it, but when I did this in autumn, the guys said that I would need to have new summer tires, and I really can not afford that so I thought I change myself and drive on the old tires one more su... Tue, 22 Apr 2014 02:01:00 EST Our selfie-project So we went on that "art tour" and added a little selfie project of our own, taking selfies outside the places we visited... although it was half art places, half places to eat at... <em>29</em> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have now found and used the "collage" function in Picasa, it will be useful in the future! <BR> <BR> We first had to stop at a store to by some yogurt for daughter who said she was straving..."I am a teenag... Mon, 21 Apr 2014 03:36:26 EST Easter coming up Daughter came for easter yesterday - we started with going to a serenity sermon with communion. I have not told my daughter that I go to AA so I wonder what she thought when we arrived at church and I obviously knew more than half of the people there and we greeted each other with hugs and laughed a lot...there was no talk about AA but the atmosphere is very much closer and warm than when you meet "ordinary" people at a social event. <BR> <BR> ..and I was almost bursting with pride over my f... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 02:31:45 EST Floating and sleep I rarely get around to write blogs nowadays – when I am finished with tracking and huddling and all the other things on spark it is time to go to work so it may be a bad idea to save blogging for last. <BR> <BR> This week I have applied to be a part in a research about floating - the university was looking for people with anxiety problems and a friend in AA passed on the tip - I had to fill in a form with a lot of questions about my mental state and realised that my sleep is not as good as i... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 01:18:00 EST