MEBAZI's SparkPeople Blog MEBAZI's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Grab Life by the .....! <img src=""> I have chosen to take control of my life instead of floating on auto pilot. Truthfully, I didn't even know I was on auto pilot until I took control. I got my mind present. I've never felt better. I'm waking up early and I am being active whatever that means for the day. Today I took my kids to the oceanfront and we played for 2 and a half hours. It was awesome! You're not going to be any younger than t... Thu, 20 Aug 2015 13:49:03 EST Choose Healthy. Choose it NOW. Here I am, trying to blog it all out for my mind’s sake… Now that I have been listening to The Power of Now, I find that statement somewhat amusing. The author explains how we are not our minds. I highly recommend that book, it is available on where I listen to it, or it is also available on youTube. <BR> My goal is to be self-aware so that I make better decisions NOW and stop living in the future or past. I get in my own way with overthinking. I will actually think about someth... Wed, 5 Aug 2015 13:01:44 EST The Scale is Moving in the WRONG Direction A stress headache is what I have right at the moment. I look forward to Mondays being such a fresh start and then all of this mess gets plopped onto my plate and I feel overwhelmed trying to swim my way through the bull and sort it all out. <BR> <BR> So this week is the week after a holiday....this week is also my birthday, so there is good things ahead. I have been on the phone all morning trying to take care of some things for my mom and make plans for my birthday, some things went well, ... Mon, 6 Apr 2015 15:45:19 EST Maxwell House runs my House! Please Help! I feel tired often. It feels too often. I have the eating down 100%, but exercise is LACKING. I've looked at myself with that rawness and reality and I know WHAT I want to do, but the tiredness takes over and I don't follow the route. <BR> <BR> I'm feeling like it's leading back to my coffee addiction. I've been pretty solid on my sleeping pattern and I'm just tired of just getting by, I want to soar. <BR> <BR> So my plan is to use a Fitbit. My husband and I can both get one and sync it. A ... Thu, 19 Mar 2015 12:46:45 EST Husband travels for work & I need a vacation.... So it's been awhile since I've blogged...welcome to the new year. So this year my goals were to get serious about being healthier and become organized. I've totally been doing amazing on eating healthy, but I have slacked on the exercise. Once I find a groove I will be good. And I can see it coming...I am mentally preparing. So that's good, that's how I get myself ready sometimes with things that are more challenging for me. <BR> <BR> Organization is getting all squared away. I've ripped int... Thu, 29 Jan 2015 22:27:48 EST How Do I Love Thee? Hi there.... welcome to my blog! <BR> <BR> So, there's nothing more annoying to me than a "Negative Nancy" or a "Debbie Downer", so I've procrastinated on writing this blog, but frankly I feel desperate for feedback and hope to possibly process what is going on if I blog it. <BR> <BR> For 7 months now, my motivation has dwindled to a complete halt. I've tried everything to excite myself and get back into the groove. I really feel depleted and defeated. There is nothing more frustrating to ... Wed, 15 Oct 2014 09:07:26 EST My Stay at the Plateau Palace So here we are, a place all too familiar. I'm unsure how to feel about this place, because I keep trying to leave it, but only finding myself coming back to visit. A decision needs to be made. I need to leave. <BR> <BR> I have been visiting this place since March of 2014, that makes this visit 6 months. I need to get beyond this. I need to break free. I've come so close, so very close, with one foot out of the door and then I decide to stay. <BR> <BR> I want to leave!!! <BR> <BR> Why? What... Sun, 14 Sep 2014 10:17:11 EST I choose to let it be.... So my thoughts are kind of scattered and I'm spinning on ice.... For the last year I've progressed maybe a 10-15 pound loss for the past year. So after I realized that, I was really upset with myself. But then I had an epiphany.... I realized I only needed to lose 15-20 more pounds- that's nothing....! Right? So, I was braced and feeling like I could do it. Then I go on vacation for 3 weeks.... I gained some pounds. Now I'm at a 10 pound gain overall. <BR> <BR> Now, I tell m... Wed, 13 Aug 2014 08:13:04 EST Start Before You Are Ready Just a bit perturbed.... I had the laser focus and was stocked with the right groceries, and was just completely feeling it. On day 3 I got sick. And I am talking could not get out of bed at all, felt like I was hit by a bus-sick. I am still congested like I don't ever remember being. I am a little frustrated because it completely threw me off of my track. It's been like 2 weeks since it hit and I just really need to get beyond the whole thing. <BR> <BR> I saw a quote that said "Start before... Tue, 27 May 2014 08:46:15 EST Nothing Feels Better than Healthy Today I feel really good about the week. Last Sunday I was really motivated and optimistic about a new beginning, and I woke up Monday not feeling well. Even Tuesday, wasn't so great. But this week I have my mind right. And yes, I know that I don't need a Monday to get my mind right. Although I used to wait for Mondays habitually in the past, I have started over and got on track on a Friday and other days as well. <BR> <BR> What I want to blog about today is the fact that I need to use morn... Mon, 28 Apr 2014 09:28:07 EST Bumps in the Road..... Kind of bummed, but trying to not let it get in my way of success. I've been down this road too many times to let it get in my way. It can be so difficult mentally....this journey, but I've came this far, there's no good reason to not continue.... <BR> <BR> A week ago was my birthday, and that is the reason I got off track. I had several trips with different friends and families to go out for my birthday and I could have made better choices with eating. But, I am at 188 and I know it's not ... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 09:55:17 EST My Life- April 6, 2014 So it's been awhile since I have blogged. A few weeks ago I typed up this awesome blog, but then the computer ate it and there was no way I was retyping it. Smh... <BR> <BR> Since my last blog, I have quit my job. Our household became complete chaos and required a full time parent to be at home. It was difficult to leave my job, because it was my first job as a nurse. The nurse practitioner and I had a really good vibe. But, my family has to come before anything, and there was no room for po... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 09:47:54 EST But MOMMY!!!!! I NEED YOU!!!!! <em>235</em> <BR> <BR> So, I am blogging to day to relieve some frustration. I started working full-time 5 months ago, and also had my fourth child 1 year ago. Before I began working I had more time to manage, but throwing a full-time job into the mix has REALLY thrown me for a loop. <BR> <BR> I struggle constantly to lose weight and end up just maintaining. I am grateful that I am not gaining, but I am not satisfied. I thought once I changed my baby into a daycare center I could workou... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 10:30:28 EST No Waiting Until Monday..... So I did well on Thanksgiving...up until the pies were done. Grrrr. It is what it is. In 2 days I've had 5 or 6 pieces of pie! I have no excuse. I lost control. But today is a new day with a new set of choices. I'm ready to move on. I will make some healthy turkey soup with leftover turkey and the leftovers will be gone! I have purchased some healthy choices for snacks and I will focus on the NOW! In the past I would wait until Monday, but why waste 2 more days? I can change any moment I am r... Sat, 30 Nov 2013 08:25:19 EST Stress Debrief So taking the time to ask myself "Am I worth this?" really helps me steer clear of bad food decisions. But lately things have been kind of tough. I've just really been stressed out. I feel overwhelmed and I feel like somewhat helpless in the stress at times. I am not able to control stress because it is in my environment all of the time. It;s something within myself that I have to control to be able to deal with it. I know stress is never depleted and I am not waiting on that moment, I am str... Sun, 24 Nov 2013 11:29:58 EST Try. Try. And Try Again. I need to get back in touch with the burning desire to finish what I've started. I have REALLY been struggling for the past few months. I am not gaining, but I am not losing. I was doing SO WELL. And I know that with every choice, I am choosing my path...... I know I need to stop thinking so much and start doing. <BR> <BR> I meet these wonderful, inspirational people every day and I know some of them had to work a lot harder and come a lot further and they are making it happen. I can do it. ... Mon, 14 Oct 2013 20:50:10 EST If there is a will there is a way..... I have been so inconsistent for the last month that I am beginning to drive myself a bit batty. I started a new job and my husband also changed positions at work that calls for him to travel from time to time, the kids have went back to school....It has been an overall big adjustment. Many days I am completely wore out and do not feel like exercising. And then when I try to plan to exercise I feel selfish because that is time away from my kids. It is easy to say they need a healthy mom, I get... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 12:57:03 EST Not Giving up without a Fight! So I finally finished nursing school and I got a job at a doctor's office. I thought this is great Monday thru Friday 8-5..... Well, after not working in quite some time and now with a 4th child, whom is almost 10 months and my husband is away for work..... it became hectic FAST! Breakfast became a challenge because I am waking up at 5:15am and getting myself and two children ready and off to daycare. <BR> <BR> Then lunch....oh let's go there....the drug reps, the EVIL drug reps, smh, I kno... Sun, 15 Sep 2013 21:35:21 EST I am NOT made of Paczkis! I am writing this blog because I know I am in a dark place at this moment and I've been here for 3 days. It's time to turn on the lights. <BR> <BR> I'm lying in my bed replaying the events of the past 3 days and processing them. Reflecting and processing. <BR> <BR> So Sunday I planned on working out. I have been working out with a good friend. We planned on 9am. Well, that plan had to change until noon, because the gym didn't open until noon. Sunday is not a normal workout day for us. So ... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 17:43:41 EST Fleeting Pleasures are NOT Pleasurable I am experiencing frustration. I have to tighten it up. I have everything down to a tee, but, it's those small things I need to drop off, like "tasting" the food I am cooking for my family. Sometimes we eat the same dinner, and sometimes we do not. Those fleeting pleasures are completely destructive. I've also noticed it is very difficult for me to say no to my favorite comfort foods such as chili and chicken and dumplings. I tend to have a few "extra" tastes. This is destroying all of my har... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 08:53:23 EST Party is Over So Monday (3 days ago), I finally hit that 199 goal I've been seeking for a very long time, years actually.... And I am proud! But today, the "celebrating" must stop and the hard work must continue on. Today I hosted a small get together for my best friend and I had cheesecake! It was a secret reward! I probably shouldn't have, but I wanted to. So I did. No regrets. It's just time to get things back on track 100%! <BR> <BR> The party can live on, just not through my food intake or calorie co... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 19:21:11 EST ONE-DERLAND!!! I did it!!!! I reached a goal that I have been back and forth with for 7 years!!! I am so happy and I know I can continue this journey to my final goal because it is all possible!!! Thank you for your support SP friends, it means the world to me. This is an amazing journey that I would never trade!!! <em>248</em> <em>244</em> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Mon, 8 Jul 2013 08:13:18 EST Locked and Loaded So I'm on the verge of reaching new heights. I have hit 201 three times in the last 7 years and mentally quit each time. This time is different, I'm locked and loaded and ready to blast through to ONEderland. I'm 202.6 as of this morning, and I know in my heart I will punch it up a notch, and never look back. I can feel the desire burning throughout to turn this into reality. <BR> <BR> I have never felt so good in all of my life. It's a feeling that saddens me to know some people are unable... Sun, 30 Jun 2013 11:32:16 EST Dust Myself Off and Try Again Tomorrow So today was supposed to be 100%, and I realized my perception has been skewed only after 5 days! Craziness! Before I took the break I knew exactly where I was before I even tracked the calories. So today, I tracked everything and I was at 1600 some calories (the goal is to not go over 1200). It was like I ate an extra meal!!! I'm not down on myself for it, I just realize I need to tighten up. I can do it. And my hunger is more intense, which is the most disappointing part of it all. But, I w... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 18:56:24 EST I'm Baaaaack!!!!! So I'm back! I took a break from SP and my eating healthy lifestyle for 5 days. I have no regrets, it was super stressful this past week with 12 people in the house and there was so much going just worked for me. I had such a great time with my best friend and her family. And of course it was amazing watching my daughter graduate. Now that everyone is gone and things are back to normal, I plan on going hard starting tomorrow. I ate about 90% healthy today and tomorrow it's 100%, and ... Thu, 20 Jun 2013 19:37:25 EST Should I break the Streak? Feeling really overwhelmed. Tomorrow my daughter graduates from high school! Yay! My best friend of 20 years (amazing!!!) her husband, 3 kids and possibly nephew are traveling 12 hours to be here! Super grateful! They all will be staying at our home, which is small, which is fine, I would have it no other way, we will make due. It's not that I have a problem with anything with their visit. I just know between my 4 kids and husband, and her and I, and her 3 kids, husband and possible nephew(11... Fri, 14 Jun 2013 12:38:23 EST Titles are for the Birds I don't even know what to title this entry as. I was doing completely terrific, and I haven't wavered food wise. Exercise? Ha, barely. I'm just really anger and emotional and going through complete turmoil at the moment. My daughter is 17 and making HORRIBLE choices, she is two weeks from graduation and is a young 17 at that. She has no clue. She is making grown up choices with a child like mind. <BR> <BR> I was a single mother and had her at 18 years old and I went my ENTIRE life trying to... Wed, 22 May 2013 16:05:26 EST Nothing is Perfect about Weight Loss So, I was down to 208.8 and for some reason over a period of a week gained 6 pounds. Unless my scale is broke or I need new glasses, I don't know what the heck is going on. I had to take time to mentally regroup with this one. I think it is a combination of things. I had a serious lack of sleep for almost a week straight. It was affecting my motivation and just me overall. <BR> <BR> The next culprit I believe is hidden calories. I think I got a bit lax when it came to measuring certain thin... Fri, 17 May 2013 08:08:56 EST Ten of my Favorite Little Motivators = Results I find that certain things stick out in my mind when I am strengthening my focus.Here are few favorites of mine to help with focus. <BR> <BR> 1. Remaining in touch with the BURNING DESIRE to succeed. Absolutely imperative. <BR> 2. It may take awhile to change your body, but a second to change your mind. <BR> 3. It's not about numbers, it's about finishing what you've started. <BR> 4. Working out with the least amount of clothing on as possible, in front of a mirror. <BR> 5. Challenging mysel... Sat, 11 May 2013 09:58:57 EST The Burning Desire. This past week, okay, maybe ten days, has been HORRIBLE for me. My nutrition has been on point, but my exercise was hiding like a thief in the night. This funk has FINALLY made full circle. Had a couple of fake-outs, but today was a true breakthrough. <BR> <BR> How it all started was, I had this idea that I could sign up for a 5k. I've always wanted to do a 5k. It's on the bucket list kind of thing. Well, having a baby and 3 other children and a husband to tend to, and an NCLEX test coming u... Wed, 8 May 2013 13:55:15 EST Where Art Thou Focus??? These past couple of days have been challenging for me. I tore apart my house to rearrange it so I have an at home "gym", which is amazing! But,'s taking me ten times more than "normal" to get things back in order! I don't function well in chaos. I have a 5 month old baby, whom I adore, but she has demanded much of time, amongst other things in the past few days. I haven't worked out- besides my daily crunches. I did overwork my back muscles, but they felt better yesterday. I just feel... Wed, 1 May 2013 09:36:46 EST Me at 215 pounds <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is a picture I took on April 22, 2013. I was researching different things about weight loss and what one person that was overweight said stuck out in my mind. She said she never realized how much weight she gained because she covered it up and never looked in mirrors and basically was in denial. And I thought to myself, I've done that. I can totally relate. It so much easier to ignore the problem than face it ... Tue, 23 Apr 2013 11:30:44 EST Reflection of April 15th-21, 2013 Last week I was 217, today 215. 2 pound loss. I worked out 3 days out of 7. I tracked food 7 of 7 days and stayed within my calorie limits. <BR> <BR> Goals: <BR> ---I would like to workout at least 5 days this week, I'm shooting for 6. I realize this is my weakness, but it is a choice. I can commit to a ten minute minimum and hope for more. I almost always give more, it is getting started... <BR> <BR> ---Also, I need to increase water and decrease caffeine. <BR> <BR> ---I want to give mor... Mon, 22 Apr 2013 10:29:32 EST Let Me Organize my Mind... I have been doing pretty much excellent on my eating habits and my food tracking. I find myself having difficulty with the workouts. I just need to get on the ball! It's so much easier said than done. I have a thousand things going on and by the time I'm done, I'm just crashing from the caffeine, which is another story..... Sigh. <BR> <BR> I am really glad I found the concept of committing to the ten minute workouts daily, it REALLY helps me mentally. I have a lot of stress swirling around r... Thu, 18 Apr 2013 21:30:46 EST Can't Hold Me Down So I had a vigorous workout last Sunday, April 7 2013. I ended up with a seriously inflamed disc near C2 in my spine. I could not move for 3 days, day 4 I had a couple of inches as far as range of motion. Day 5 started to feel like I would live again. It was rough. I had a breakthrough moment for exercise and found spark people all that weekend, and I was seriously motivated and excited. But then all of that excitement had to be contained, and my motivation was being tested. I am proud to say... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:35:36 EST Feeling like the mountain is melting.....this gets a little deep. I have been so stressed out lately it's not even funny. I even considered picking up smoking, that sounds so stupid, but it's true. I smoked for 14 years and quit now for 7 years. It's just the desperate feeling that comes over you and you are willing to do anything to make the stress go away. I didn't start smoking and I don't drink. Eating healthy and losing weight is my outlet. Exercise used to be a large part of that, but after having a baby in the house again, she comes first. It's like ... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 09:58:26 EST Day Two Who knew? I'm back on the spark site. That within itself is a success. Usually I would get hyped up on it and forget about it. Not that I am a totally unmotivated person, it's just I fell into a rut. Everything around me became to stressful that it became difficult to put myself first. Not that it is easy at the moment, but I can see the hope again. This site really is amazing. Having complete strangers cheer you on is awesome. I'm about to go work out for the first time in awhile. I used to ... Sat, 6 Apr 2013 09:44:54 EST Day One I don't care that it is a Friday, it doesn't have to be a Monday to change. I have done well overall for the past few months, but I've stalled out over the last month, its time to get serious. I can only reap what I sow. If I don't like my results it is because I am not doing what I should be doing. Fri, 5 Apr 2013 11:44:33 EST