MDKM80's SparkPeople Blog MDKM80's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community If you have nothing nice to say.........Just a venting rant It's been a very hard week emotionally for me. This blog is nothing more than a vent that I desperately need to get off my chest. It has to do with events that have happened outside of this web site, but I have to talk about in order to move on. You don't have to read it, it's more for me than anything. <BR> <BR> Tuesday we gave our Buddy up. We didn't sell him, we gave him to a wonderful family. He was my fur baby, the golden fuzz love of my life. So why did we have to give him up? Because... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 07:04:24 EST My early morning addiction Hi! My name is Mel and I'm addicted to the scale. I get on it every morning, waiting with baited breath hoping to see the numbers go down, even it if is in inches. I do a happy dance in my bathroom when I see the numbers go down, I celebrate each ounce lost, even if I would rather pounds. I need to attend scale addicts classes. I need an intervention. I wish I could ignore the pull of the scale, because I'm very much SV driven. <BR> <BR> <em>192</em> - The bane of my existence, my earl... Thu, 29 Aug 2013 08:34:19 EST Exercise Ball at Work So I got it into my head that having a chair simply wasn't enough fun, I thought I would bring my big blue ball with me (encouragement by a lot of Storm team mates didn't hurt either lol) <BR> <BR> <BR> I'm sitting here on it as I type and wondering if anyone has some simple small workout ideas that won't make me look silly in front of my co-workers? I basically sit on it and squeeze my thighs together and sit up straight and tighten my core throughout the day. The feeling at the end of the... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 08:54:19 EST What to do when my clothes wont fit? Yesterday I had a company bbq to go to. It was my first event that I went to since restarting my journey. Let me tell you I rocked yesterday. Said no to a lot and did awesome portions. However before that I had to go shopping for a wedding outfit. I got a skirt and a strapless shirt. Something I would never have done but look good in. I got to thinking about what Im going to do with my clothes when they dont fit. Sure some of them I will donate, but im trying to think of what to do with... Sun, 18 Aug 2013 08:56:46 EST pre workout munchies When I get home from work I usually am still in the mood to work out. The only problem is that Im too hungry to want to before dinner and too full after so I havent been working out. I think my best bet is to eat a snack after work and then hit the elliptical. Well at least im using my excercise ball at work instead of a chair. Lol thats a fun experience! !! Sat, 17 Aug 2013 06:15:29 EST pre workout munchies When I get home from work I usually am still in the mood to work out. The only problem is that Im too hungry to want to before dinner and too full after so I havent been working out. I think my best bet is to eat a snack after work and then hit the elliptical. Well at least im using my excercise ball at work instead of a chair. Lol thats a fun experience! !! Sat, 17 Aug 2013 06:15:29 EST One good thing Today I have been tasked with blogging about one thing I can do well. I have given it some thought, mentally gone through my life trying to think oh one thing I do well. Funny thing is I cant come up with a single thing. I guess perhaps im good at my job. Im good at being the best wife and parent to my girls that I can be. Ive never really excelled at anything in life. Im just an average woman with an average skillset and an average life and im good with that. Fri, 16 Aug 2013 07:03:25 EST if only there was an extra hour a day What would I do? It would be nice if I could say that I would use it to work out, however my first choice would be to relax in a quiet corner and read. Then again that extra hour I could get on my elliptical then spend a half hour reading. Win win there. What would you do with an extra hour a day? Thu, 15 Aug 2013 07:21:36 EST H2O This its actually something that I have done from the beginning of my weight loss journey. I keep a giant jug of water at my desk at work right in my line of sight. Its big enough to meet my eight glasses a day. The greatest benefit I get is nice hydrated skin. I also use it before I eat a metal to fill up and eat less. Water has been my greatest help! Wed, 14 Aug 2013 08:32:07 EST support? Its hard to keep motivated when you dont have someone behind you pushing you over the slump. My husband doesn't want me to change. He loves me for who I am even when I dont. I havent looked in the mirror at my whole body in almost 6 months because of how disappointed in myself that I am. I just wish I had someone in my corner telling me not to give up. Tue, 13 Aug 2013 07:23:07 EST gearing up I can feel it. That need to better myself. The need to reinvent who I am. Its finally starting to come back. I cant stand who I am but I can love who I will be come. It is just going to take some pushing to get myself there. I can do it. I will turn my days of regret into triumph. Mon, 12 Aug 2013 07:13:00 EST HLC week 4 down Week 4 is over and I'm glad for it. It was a hard week for me, the scale just wasn't my friend. I know in my heart the reasons why your weight goes up and down, trust me I get it. But can someone please tell my heart this because it's not listening to me in the least!! <BR> <BR> However, the outcome at the end of the week? I got on the scale and loved the results, down to 30lbs lost. I must say it feels amazing to be able to say that! <BR> <BR> Why is it when you are first losing weight yo... Mon, 10 Dec 2012 13:10:02 EST What I have given up with Sparks, but in turn have gained I joined sparks in early September and let me tell you what a ride it has been. I couldn't have lost 26 lbs without Sparks and all the wonderful Sparks Friends I have. It's been an amazing journey and although has had some downs, it's mostly been full of ups! <BR> <BR> Since joining SP I have given up a lot of things on my quest to find the healthier Me. I gave up pop, I could easily drink a 2L a day sometimes more. I gave up bread, as I found out that I have a gluten issue and eating bread... Tue, 4 Dec 2012 10:08:42 EST Week Three Holiday WLC down What a week it has been! Work has been insane this week, but in a good way, I'm just glad it's Sunday and I can rest! My oldest daughter practices violin and she has been asked to do two concerts in one day, so getting her to practice has been a bit of a PITA, but worth the look on her face while she is doing so! It just adds to my busy calendar! <BR> <BR> I started the week out by twisting my ankle when I fell into a busy intersection from the curb. My fault for not watching where my feet... Sun, 2 Dec 2012 08:58:29 EST What do you do when your 8 year old says this? So the other day I was just done on my elliptical and went downstairs to enjoy the company of my children. I was sitting on the couch cuddling my oldest when she says to me 'Mom do you think I'm skinny enough?'. <BR> <BR> I was at a loss for words on that one! I suffered from anorexia when I was 16 and had been starving myself since I was 8. My daughter does not know this about me and I wonderd if I should share it with her. <BR> <BR> So in answer to her question I said 'You are the perfe... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 13:14:57 EST What the?! Week 2 of my holiday weight loss challenge down and I'm angry. Seems like my first week 3 pound loss was all for nothing as I gained back 2 of those pounds this week. I don't even know how that happened! <BR> <BR> I've been watching my portions, eating healthier although I have had to step out to eat out a few times this week because being Christmas shopping season I haven't had time to get home in time to cook. BUT even with eating out I know how to control myself and my portions! I've b... Sun, 25 Nov 2012 09:22:08 EST An Early Christmas dinner So like every year my mom's side of the family gets together in early December for Christmas dinner. Generally I look forward to it, it's a great time to catch up with family I have only seen last Christmas and it's more of an adventure this year becuase I'm hoping that they see a change in my weight, I'm not holding my breath, but I can hope all I want. <BR> <BR> This dinner usually means a vast array of food to drool over. This year it means for me a vast array of food I have to calculate... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 09:42:38 EST HLC - Week 1 Down Well week one of my 9 week challenge is down. Weigh in was fantastic today. I just about kissed the scale! It showed me a loss this week of 3 lbs. Not bad, not bad at all, especially considering I have had two sick kids at home and my work out has been limited to cleaning up and running up and down my stairs and my elliptical. But alas something worked out! <BR> <BR> Now on to week 2 challenge. Regardless I'm geared up, I only have 1 more pound to go before I reach my goal of 25 lbs before ... Sun, 18 Nov 2012 08:22:09 EST Today had better smarten up! After a rough night, which is never good on my system as it is, I rolled out of bed to my 5 year old telling me she is very very itchy. Apparently her skin being itchy means it's angry. Oh the way the mind of a 5 year old works. So I had her strip down after I saw a raised splotch on her face, and low and behold her body is covered in raised red itchy splotches. She looks like someone took sandpaper to her skin! <BR> <BR> So it's off to the clinic we go, hopefully to get a good perscription... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 08:13:56 EST I'm so excited! Today I joined a 9 week Holiday Challenge and although I'm Canadian and I have already indulged in Thanksgiving, my holiday worry is Christmas. These challenges help me keep on track, I find more accounability in myself when I have a team I have to answer to. Does that make sense? lol. I'm so excited by this and I just can't hide it. <BR> <BR> I've been slipping in my workouts and when I mean slipping I mean that I have only done some walking (20min a day) and nothing more. My husband even... Sun, 11 Nov 2012 09:25:36 EST The big, the bad and the ugly of yesterday Yesterday started out like the norm, kids were being pills, dog was covered in mud AGAIN and I had to struggle to get into my routine in the morning. Yup this is my usual day and except for chasing the dog around the house with a towel, I enjoy it. I see it as added cardio on a good day. lol <BR> <BR> I got to work and things changed, not because I was having a bad day, but because as soon as I left my house I wanted to turn around and go back. I wasn't myself yesterday, just didn't feel lik... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 12:23:18 EST My self worth? My weight is a huge stressor for me. It consumes me day and night and has for years. I compare myself to other women I see and it drives me crazy as I find myself lacking in all areas of body image. I find my own self worth is wrapped up in my idea of what I should look like against what I actually do look like. <BR> <BR> Last night DH took me out to the store, as the weather is getting cooler and my clothes aren't fitting properly I wanted to get a nice cardigan. I found one in a 1X (I was ... Fri, 19 Oct 2012 07:58:03 EST I'm trying! Today was a good day for me although I still avoided the mirror. I reflected quite a bit on my goals and my habits and am happy where I am so far. <BR> <BR> Trust me when I say I can only go up from here. I have come from a negative place, self-depreciating place. I used to make fun of myself before starting Sparks. I felt that it would be better for me to make fun of myself so if or when someone did it I had beaten them to it. A 'fat' person is a jolly person right? <BR> <BR> Today I real... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 19:45:19 EST A good day! Today I am feeling determined, I'm also sick with a sinus infection so I blame it on the medication lol. I have looked at the scale with a severe amount of disdain but no more because I can only go down from here! <BR> <BR> I have taken my health seriously lately especially within the last week when I saw the scale drop 10 lbs. Even though to most that isn't a lot of weight to drop I must say it's a huge amount to me when looking at the scale used to increase by 10. <BR> <BR> Sparks has g... Thu, 20 Sep 2012 10:35:10 EST Stress Eating Today has been a stressful day. I'm trying to remember to make sure to to so as to avoid over eating at night but it's hard. I'm the type of person who the more stressed out I am, the less I eat. It's part of what got me into this situation as it is. <BR> <BR> I'm very much appreciative of the things I have read on Sparks from it's users. It's uplifting to see I'm not alone in my struggle to find my true self. <BR> <BR> There is much to see on this site and even though I'm new I feel at h... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 13:38:27 EST