MARYJOANNA's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=MARYJOANNA MARYJOANNA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ QUOTE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6296449 <BR> <BR> "An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the 'William Tell Overture' <BR> <BR> and not think of the Lone Ranger." <BR> <BR> <BR> Dan Rather Thu, 12 Jan 2017 05:35:39 EST QUESTION OF THE DAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6286838 <BR> <BR> <BR> Need an ark to save two of everything? <BR> <BR> I Noah a guy! Thu, 29 Dec 2016 07:18:56 EST GET MOO-VING JUNIOR http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6284047 <BR> <BR> <BR> Q: What did the momma cow say to her calf when it was time to <BR> come in from the field? <BR> <BR> A: It's pasture bedtime. Thu, 22 Dec 2016 05:31:58 EST WORDS TO LIVE BY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6283194 <BR> <BR> Take life as it comes, not as you order it. Tue, 20 Dec 2016 05:40:41 EST TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6278863 <BR> <BR> PERSONAL HYGIENE <BR> <BR> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should only be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. <BR> <BR> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However ,if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. <BR> <BR> 3. Diet and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. Sat, 10 Dec 2016 06:01:47 EST TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6278862 <BR> <BR> PERSONAL HYGIENE <BR> <BR> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should only be done in private using one's OWN truck keys. <BR> <BR> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However ,if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money. <BR> <BR> 3. Diet and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods. Sat, 10 Dec 2016 06:01:11 EST WEIRD BUT TRUE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6277440 <BR> <BR> Humans blink about 17,000 times a day. <BR> <BR> A bottlenose dolphin has a bigger brain than a human. <BR> <BR> It takes the average 10-year-old kid about 20 minutes to fall asleep. Wed, 7 Dec 2016 05:30:15 EST THANKSGIVING MEMORIES http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6273166 <BR> We enjoyed our Thanksgiving with our daughter and her chef roommate. Melissa hopes to open her own restaurant, with Lisa, our daughter as part owner. Nov. 25 was our 55th wedding anniversary. It was one to remember--my hubby had to go the emergency room for treatment. He thought it was a kidney stone but it was only a pulled muscle. Thank goodness that was all it was. Our daughter lives in Alabama and we live in Georgia. What an adventure! Mon, 28 Nov 2016 07:54:18 EST WEIRD BUT TRUE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6265561 <BR> <BR> An octopus can have nearly 2,000 suckers on its arms. <BR> <BR> Rockets must travel at least 25,000 miles an hour to escape Earth's gravity. <BR> <BR> There are about 16 million thunderstorms on Earth every year. <BR> Sat, 12 Nov 2016 07:24:54 EST WEIRD BUT TRUE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6262151 <BR> <BR> Most people spend about five years of their lives eating. <BR> <BR> The length of your arms stretched out is about equal to your height. Sat, 5 Nov 2016 05:23:50 EST WEIRD BUT TRUE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6261230 <BR> <BR> <BR> The air around a lightning strike is five times hotter than the sun! Thu, 3 Nov 2016 05:19:06 EST NON-SMARTISMS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6258230 Not the sharpest knife in the drawer. <BR> A room temperature IQ. <BR> A photographic memory, but his lens cap is glued on. <BR> Fell out of the family tree. <BR> Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't looking. <BR> Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming. Fri, 28 Oct 2016 05:36:00 EST QUESTION? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6253291 <BR> <BR> <BR> Is there another word for synonym? Tue, 18 Oct 2016 05:47:12 EST FAVORITES FOR FRIDAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6251281 <BR> Love is how excited your dog gets when you come home. <BR> <BR> So if a redhead goes crazy, Is it called Ginger snaps? <BR> <BR> Oops...Did I roll my eyesout loud! <BR> <BR> Nurses--We can't fix stupid but we can sedate it! <BR> <BR> Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put the keys in the fridge. <BR> <BR> I burped in my diaper. Fri, 14 Oct 2016 05:42:14 EST YOU KNOW YOUR GETTING OLD WHEN..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6248161 <BR> ...you and your teeth don't sleep together. <BR> <BR> ...you give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. <BR> <BR> ...your pharmacist is your new best friend. <BR> <BR> ...happy hour is a nap. <BR> <BR> ...your idea of weight lifting is standing up. <BR> <BR> ...all you want for your birthday is not to be reminded of your age. <BR> <BR> ...most of the time it takes two tries to get up from the couch. Sat, 8 Oct 2016 05:42:01 EST TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6245482 <BR> <BR> A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. <BR> <BR> Do not allow the dog to eat at th table no matter how good his manners are. Mon, 3 Oct 2016 05:48:26 EST SATURDAY GROANERS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6244503 1. Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! <BR> 2. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool. <BR> 3. When chemists die, they barium. <BR> 4. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. <BR> 5. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. <BR> 6. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it. <BR> 7. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. <BR> 8. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian Club, but I'd never met herbivore. <BR> 9. I changed my iPod's name to Titanic.... Sat, 1 Oct 2016 05:19:10 EST FUNNIES FOR FRIDAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6240498 <BR> <BR> When is a door not a door? <BR> When it is ajar. <BR> <BR> How do bulls drive cars? <BR> They steer them. <BR> <BR> What is the lighthouse keeper's favorite instrument? <BR> The foghorn. <BR> <BR> What is the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike? <BR> The pavement. Fri, 23 Sep 2016 07:40:46 EST WORDS TO LIVE BY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6239451 <BR> <BR> We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. Wed, 21 Sep 2016 05:21:47 EST WORDS TO LIVE BY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6239450 <BR> <BR> We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses. Wed, 21 Sep 2016 05:21:45 EST TIPS FROM THE REDNECK BOOK OF MANNERS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6234380 DINING OUT <BR> <BR> 1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. <BR> <BR> 2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs. <BR> Mon, 12 Sep 2016 05:38:40 EST DISCOVERY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6232097 <BR> OMG, I have finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: On the left side, there <BR> is nothing right, and on the right side there is nothing left. Thu, 8 Sep 2016 05:17:46 EST SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6230865 <BR> <BR> <BR> Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check! Tue, 6 Sep 2016 05:10:26 EST TUESDAY FUNNY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6226897 <BR> This is a frightening statistic; probably one of the most worrisome recent in years. <BR> <BR> 25 % of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. That's scary! <BR> <BR> It means 75% are running around untreated! Tue, 30 Aug 2016 05:22:12 EST CLEANING THE ATTIC http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6225206 <BR> While cleaning the attic, Joan and Harry found an old stub for some shoes they left at the repair shop 10 years ago. They thought it would be funny to go to the shop and see if the shoes were still there. So they did. <BR> <BR> They handed the stub to the cobbler who took it and looked in the back. He came out and said, "They'll be ready on Wednesday." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> . Sat, 27 Aug 2016 05:11:38 EST THE PROPHET http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6222913 A young woman stepped forward from the throng and asked, "O" great prophet, tell us how we might find love that is unconditional, unwavering and unending. "The prophet did not answer right away. He looked off into the distance, gathering his thoughts. Silence descended upon the crowd. Then he turned his gaze upon the young woman and said, "Get a dog." <BR> <BR> <BR> Kahlil Gibran Tue, 23 Aug 2016 05:14:06 EST INTERESTING THOUGHT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6221757 <BR> <BR> <BR> There are two theories about arguing with women. Neither one works. Sun, 21 Aug 2016 05:28:29 EST FOOD FOR THOUGHT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6220095 <BR> <BR> <BR> In a perfect world every dog would have a home <BR> and every home would have a dog. Thu, 18 Aug 2016 05:29:46 EST FOOD FOR THOUGHT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6214095 <BR> <BR> <BR> "When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty <BR> <BR> sure he's going to have a go at it anyway." <BR> <BR> <BR> Clyde Aster Mon, 8 Aug 2016 05:40:09 EST QUESTION http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6213072 <BR> <BR> Why do you press harder on the remote, when you know the battery is dead. Sat, 6 Aug 2016 05:45:58 EST UNTITLED http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6211939 <BR> <BR> <BR> I don't call my bathroom 'The John' anymore. Instead I call mine <BR> 'The Jim'. Sounds more impressive when I honestly say, "My first stop <BR> every morning is 'The Jim'". Thu, 4 Aug 2016 05:16:20 EST UNTITLED http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6210136 <BR> <BR> If at first you don't succeed, just redefine success. Mon, 1 Aug 2016 05:20:20 EST UNTITLED http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6207981 <BR> <BR> Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh. Thu, 28 Jul 2016 05:11:30 EST THOUGHT FOR THE DAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6201285 <BR> <BR> <BR> Friends are the flowers in the garden of life. Sat, 16 Jul 2016 05:01:55 EST LAUGHTER http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6190954 <BR> <BR> I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep. During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish. <BR> <BR> If you can understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2. <BR> (Recording on an Australian tax help line.) <BR> Tue, 28 Jun 2016 05:17:59 EST CLEVER SAYINGS ON T-SHIRTS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6182494 <BR> 1. I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web. <BR> <BR> 2. Exercise? I thought you said EXTRA FRIES. <BR> <BR> 3. DON'T GROW UP--It's a trap. <BR> <BR> 4. So if a redhead goes crazy, Is it called Ginger snaps? <BR> <BR> 5. Every time I think things can'tget any worse, THERE'S AN ELECTION. Tue, 14 Jun 2016 05:07:27 EST YOU GOTTA LAUGH http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6179445 <BR> <BR> Two cows standing in a field: <BR> Cow 1: Are you worried about mad cow disease? <BR> <BR> Cow 2: Why would I? I'm a helicopter! <BR> <BR> <BR> Question: What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards? <BR> Answer: A receding hare line. <BR> <BR> Thu, 9 Jun 2016 05:24:12 EST SOMETHING GOOD CAME OUT OF AN ACCIDENT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6167934 When I pause to reflect on my journey to healing from a fall April 12, I can't help but think of my church friends, and people in our apartment complex who showered me with phone calls, cards and food. It was overwhelming! Not only am I thankful for that, but in the course of six weeks I have lost 6 pounds! I had little appetite and filled up fast. <em>244</em> I am so pleased! Sun, 22 May 2016 05:15:36 EST THOUGHT FOR THE DAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6162572 <BR> <BR> WORRY DOES NOT EMPTY TOMORROW OF ITS SORROW; <BR> <BR> IT EMPTIES TODAY OF ITS STRENGTH. <BR> <BR> <BR> Corrie Ten Boom Sat, 14 May 2016 04:52:54 EST ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6159848 One month ago I was operated on to repair a broken leg. I am so pleased with my progress. I am able to walk with my walker a bit and I went to church for the first time Sunday. I have an appointment on the 24th with my surgeon. Praise God! Tue, 10 May 2016 05:20:47 EST BROKEN LEG http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6144864 I fell in the house on Tuesday and broke my right leg. In 2010 I tripped in the hospital and broke my right ankle so am keeping everything on the right side. Ha! I came home on Saturday and there is nothing like being in your home! I have home healthcare so things should be fine.. Mon, 18 Apr 2016 10:51:02 EST TOOTING MY HORN http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6132227 <BR> I have to give a shout-out to me. Today is my birthday and I am 79 years young! I don't feel my age nor do I look it. I am healthy with no diabetes or arthritis. This is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it! Fri, 1 Apr 2016 05:19:59 EST POLICE http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6124883 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, That's right.' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' Tue, 22 Mar 2016 05:05:29 EST ELDERLY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6119575 <BR> While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly, I used to take my 4 year old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she mwewly turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!' Tue, 15 Mar 2016 05:24:33 EST NUDITY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6116552 <BR> A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" Fri, 11 Mar 2016 05:16:25 EST LAUGHTER http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6113119 <BR> <BR> A defendant isn't happy with how things are going in court, so he gives the judge a hard time. <BR> Judge: "Where do you work?" <BR> Defendant: "Here and there." <BR> Judge: "What do you do for a living?" <BR> Defendant: "This and that." <BR> Judge: "Take him away." <BR> Defendant: "Wait; when will I get out?" <BR> Judge: "Sooner or later." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Mon, 7 Mar 2016 05:23:34 EST REFLECTION http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6110845 <BR> <BR> <BR> When you flee temptation don't leave a forwarding address! Fri, 4 Mar 2016 05:03:41 EST THE PROPHET http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6106519 A young woman stepped forward from the throng and asked, "O' great prophet, tell us how we <BR> might find love that is unconditional, unwavering and unending." The prophet did not answer right away. He looked off into the distance, gathering his thoughts. Silence descended upon the crowd. Then he turned his gaze upon the young woman and said, get a dog." <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> by Kahlil Gibran Sun, 28 Feb 2016 05:12:43 EST YOUR MONTHLY PUN-ISHMENT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6103471 <BR> A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. <BR> One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter. <BR> <BR> The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother <BR> the other man at all. That's because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp.. <BR> Wed, 24 Feb 2016 05:04:42 EST DEFINITION: BABY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6100313 <BR> <BR> A loud noise at oneend and no responsibility at the other. Sat, 20 Feb 2016 05:18:22 EST