MARIANNE9855's SparkPeople Blog MARIANNE9855's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community what I have learned... Through a combination of reasons- I haven't been on spark people or gone to WWs in about a month- I didn't exercise- I had a couple binges- I ate more regular food. <BR> <BR> I didn't realize how much WWs was actually helping me until I went back yesterday am at 7! <BR> <BR> (With my new job I was spending too much time after work trying to catch up on my paperwork- something that I am still trying to figure out. I love working with all my clients but the crazy paperwork, production expec... Sun, 4 Aug 2013 15:04:15 EST another hard week.... Well I believe that I am officially in a trough/semi relapse- not enough to gain more than one or two pounds- I missed WWs on Monday- I was stuck at work finishing paperwork (in the mental health system- at least where I work- all notes have to be done in 24 hrs- some people wait until the next day- but you see 7 or 8 more people the next day and I could see it getting completely out of control.) <BR> So I don't know if I actually gained any weight or not- I'll find out next monday. <BR> <B... Wed, 26 Jun 2013 20:36:02 EST this is hard I am on spark people early in the am looking for motivation- I am pretty consistently about 300 calories above my limit most days and struggling with the exercise. I have been in this funk for about 3 weeks- Ironically right after I had a loss of 7 pounds at WWs. <BR> <BR> I always say life never gives you what you are prepared for and I have been going through that with my young adult sons- nothing horrendous- just things that are a trigger for me and make me feel sad and not in control- w... Sun, 16 Jun 2013 05:40:24 EST why? No great insights today- just trying to push through my own self-sabotaging and eating to deal with emotional stress. I know better, I know what to say to everyone else and as a therapist to other people- I do it everyday and most people feel better because of our connection. <BR> So why do I do the things I do- eat too much- spend too much and then feel like I am hiding the real me from people who depend on me. <BR> Even as I say this-I know I am only human and not perfect. I don't even w... Sun, 9 Jun 2013 00:42:06 EST the joy of Non Scale Victories! When I started this weight loss journey in January- I was sick of being "SICK AND TIRED' as they say in the addiction field. <BR> I could not get from the house to the garage without being winded- (a very short distance but slightly up hill), I could not go shopping anywhere without a cart and by the time I reached the checkout at the grocery store I was covered with sweat- my back would hurt- <BR> <BR> Anywhere we went as a family- I would wanted to be dropped off- in my car I used my moth... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 20:55:43 EST Scales are toxic and its easy to repeat the past So, a couple weeks ago I write this positive blog and I am all happy- <BR> <BR> I should have known- every time I do that - I hit a slump after... <BR> <BR> About a week ago I went out with a friend who I haven't seen in a long time and who I love to be with- bad end result- I drank more alcohol than I have in months- our old routine would be to drink a bunch and then eat greasy fast food- ( sounds like I am 20 and not 57- right?) I did not eat any greasy food but I did come home and eat ... Sat, 18 May 2013 13:49:39 EST Blessings in disguise and a long journey... Almost 9 months ago I was fired from the job I'd had since before I was married or had children- the first job I got out of graduate school- I was totally blindsided. At the same time- I was unhealthy, constantly stressed, unhappy and totally immersed in disfunction. <BR> <BR> I immediately started applying for new jobs- I would struggle to make it from the parking lot and worry if I would fit in the interview chairs, I was embarrassed and ashamed of myself. <BR> <BR> In December I visi... Mon, 6 May 2013 01:20:23 EST Glad the weekend is over.... Well, it wasn't the worst weekend but it wasn't the best either. <BR> <BR> I got very frustrated and sad and mad- mainly because of drama in the family between my sons and then between my husband and me- who is NOT my biggest fan. <BR> <BR> On a positive note my younger son Nate went with me both days to see my mom at rehab which was good. She is a little more lively when he is there though she has a new roommate who can't hear anything she says to her AND must have half the population of ... Sun, 7 Apr 2013 23:51:22 EST Blindsided by Moose.... So I have been having a good week so far. I got through the Easter weekend and a small incident with a chocolate mint pie...pretty well. I am feeling good and adding walking to my exercise. I am loving my greek yogurt with flax meal and I think okay, I am ready for the added challenge of doing this healthy lifestyle while working. <BR> I still have one week left and I am planning on sorting through clothes and sending them on to good will so my clothes are organized before I start work in ... Sat, 6 Apr 2013 04:49:08 EST thanks for so many things.. Well the last six months of my life had been a down hill trip until January when things started a gradual up-turn. <BR> September was when I was fired which threw me for a major whammy and I stayed mired in that for a while- getting more and more depressed and being pulled down with my mother's health issues. <BR> Then in December a friend and I made a pact to go to WWs- someplace I had resisted all my life except for going once when I was about 20 and hated it. <BR> While I waited for our ag... Fri, 29 Mar 2013 11:16:16 EST a reward for me... Well, I have been struggling with night eating all week- not sure why. There is stress with my mom still being pretty depressed but notw in rehab facing a long recovery. I go see her every day at dinner time to try and encourage her to eat. She hasn't been eating for various reasons- probably mainly emotional now- but will not get stronger if she doesn't. <BR> <BR> Part of the struggle I think is the initial diet euphoria when I can resist temptation is over- now its more slogging through... Sun, 17 Mar 2013 03:08:57 EST Trouble with food... Really having a difficult time with wanting to eat too much- Primarily when I have gone out to eat. I try to balance healthy eating with something I really want. As I am reading this I realized that fatty food like something fried is another trigger for me that sets off cravings for something sweet and rich as well. <BR> Last night I had fried fish- which was the treat with healthy sides. I ate it slowly to enjoy it but later that night I was craving chocolate and salty stuff. I gave in... Sat, 9 Mar 2013 08:08:11 EST there's always a catch or don't trust credit card companies... Now for something completely different as they used to say on Monty Python.... <BR> Decided to post this for all of you who have limited funds or just don't like to be ripped off- <BR> <BR> As most of you know I have been unemployed for 6 months now, have had several interviews that seem to get close but no job yet, a week ago I had a promising one... but I'll believe it when I am sitting in a new office. <BR> <BR> Anyway I have run out of any extra funds and am not spending any $ for t... Fri, 8 Mar 2013 05:51:43 EST what do I want to talk about??? It's been a couple weeks since I posted. Since then my mom ended up in the hospital where she is not doing great but my brother is here for a week from Alaska so I have a little break but next week will be me alone again. <BR> I am still pretty excited about my exercise bike- for some reason the later it gets- like 9 or 10pm the easier it is for me. <BR> <BR> It's been about 2 1/2 months and I have lost 30 pounds- I feel so much better walking around and today when I was in the hospital- I ... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 18:15:34 EST Exercise.... Well I started to write this blog on Wed- when I was on fire with my exercise bike riding- including doing 20 min in a row- Today it is harder but I do like it and what it has done for me already. <BR> The beginning of January- 2 min on bike- was enough to make me feel I walked a marathon but I kept working at it until now when I do 30 min a day- at least 5 min a time- sometimes 15 or 10 but I make sure it adds up to 30. <BR> <BR> Now I know this may not seem much to some people but it is h... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 18:05:37 EST just when I think... Just when I think how I am really making progress with my food- I have a day where about mid afternoon, I started wanting to eat - not candy or dessert- just more food. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I was around candy that I bought for other people- lindt truffles- my favorite. I caught a whiff but made a conscious decision to ignore it, ate one cupcake and didn't feel well afterwards- So I convinced myself that- See your body doesn't like that stuff already. <BR> <BR> Today I ate a healthy salad a... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 01:02:49 EST Funny story for a change... So tonight I was getting ready to make chili for supper while I watched the non-existent snow storm outside. The men in my house are used to cornbread or chips to go with chili but I had neither. So..I decided to make rice. The lid for the pot I would normally use was nowhere to be found(due to the men washing the dishes.) I see the steamer my husband was using when he was on a diet last and steamed his vegetables until they surrendered.. <BR> I think that's really a rice cooker- so I can... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 17:49:33 EST Pretty Bummed Well today after a three month tease by a job- including asking me to fill out pre-employment paperwork on Monday, I found out after I called them back that the job was filled! Pretty disappointed but my husband said the place sounds pretty screwed up so its probably best you didn't get the job. I kind of believe that too but I still really needed to be earning a paycheck again. <BR> I kind of felt like eating but then I went to the store and loaded up on my veggies and fruit and some healt... Thu, 7 Feb 2013 13:00:19 EST the sun is out its a sunny day- so far. Making cupcakes for my contribution to our mini superbowl party. My younger son is making homemade pizza- it is so good and we are having shrimp that I can eat in place of too many pieces of pizza. I plan to do another 15 minutes on the bike today. And despite my worries about money I am going to try and have a positive day. <BR> Yesterday I couldn't believe that when I was anxious I actually wanted to get on the exercise bike- what a change for me! <BR> Yesterda... Sun, 3 Feb 2013 11:57:48 EST down day but still doing better than before... Well today I was feeling pretty down, this having hardly any money while unemployed is starting to catch up with me and then I remembered that February is a short month and somehow I never had enough money when I was working but now it will definitely be worse- I think because the bills are all crammed in 28 days. <BR> <BR> While I have lost 12 pounds I felt very heavy today with no energy. I wanted some comfort food badly. I couldn't imagine getting on the exercise bike. And that's aft... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:55:20 EST thoughts on this journey Its been about 4 weeks since I started on spark people. It has opened up a whole community for me of people both alike and different. Tomorrow I go in for my 3rd week weighing in at WWs. I am committed to making myself become healthier and just trying to do my best day by day. My boys are helping me and pointing out how I am less winded doing errands than I was a month ago. At the same time my mother in particular is really struggling with health- feeling hopeless and depressed. And to a... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 17:31:37 EST wont let others cause me to fail i have struggled with my weight for years and ate the majority of times because I was sad, depressed, angry, overwhelmed etc. In the last 18 months I have become the primary caretaker of my parents- they are up the street from me- Dad has alzheimers and my mother lives in constant pain and is permanently disabled. Then in September I was fired from my job. My profession as a clinical social worker working with children and families meant everything to me. I lost my peers and sense of fulfi... Sun, 20 Jan 2013 19:55:55 EST better day than I thought Well, I got kind of stuck this morning- everyone was home and usually I have a lot of privacy to go on spark people and read blogs etc but today people were nosy. I got kind of overwhelmed about what to chose for lunch for some strange reason but eventually figured it out. <BR> My family did put up the recumbent exercise bike and I did 2 minutes! which sounds lame but I know I will just keep working on it until I can do more. <BR> Made crock pot chicken tortilla soup from Spark Recipes for ... Sat, 12 Jan 2013 21:50:01 EST on the upswing well this is the first blog I ever wrote. <BR> I am so excited to have found spark people. One thing that has always helped me in my 30+ years trying to get to a healthy weight and maintain it is reading success stories. Reading the blogs of people who have gone through the same challenges and succeeded is what I need to be successful. While it is obvious to the world that I am extremely obese, I have only spoken honestly about it with a few close friends. the forums and teams are giving ... Fri, 11 Jan 2013 10:46:03 EST