MARF226's SparkPeople Blog MARF226's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Heartbroken Last night, my boyfriend of nearly two years and I ended things. It happened rather suddenly, and I'm heartbroken. I'm also a little bit in shock. <BR> <BR> Here's the story. <BR> <BR> I recently relocated for work. I was increasingly unhappy in my last job and one day, literally out of the blue, someone called and offered me a job out of state. It's in a relatively small town and at first, I had no interest in the job. I'm decidedly a big city girl and I was happy with my life in ... Wed, 20 Jan 2016 10:28:00 EST Weight Loss is Like a College Class Spark Coach (Coach Nicole) told me today that the commitment to weight loss “is similar to taking a college level class.” <BR> <BR> That sort of made me want to cry. Clearly Coach Nicole was not the neurotic, overachiever I was in college. I was so mad (SO MAD) that I graduated Magna Cum Laude and not Summa Cum Laude (I graduated with a 3.7 and not a 3.9 – my grade in stupid statistics ruined everything). <BR> <BR> So I’m supposed to put in the same level of effort that I did into my c... Thu, 6 Aug 2015 10:36:35 EST Need some advice - motivation I had lost 52 pounds at one point. My body struggled to stay there and I found I settled pretty comfortably at 47 pounds down. <BR> <BR> That was over a year ago. Since then, I'm ashamed to say that life got the better of me (as you'll see, my SP participation dropped off...). I started to return to my old ways. I'm back up 12 pounds (still down 35 from my original weight but up a total of 17 from my thinnest). <BR> <BR> I feel like I am starting all over again and I am frustrated,... Tue, 4 Aug 2015 09:04:06 EST Starting Again I’ve had a rough couple months. I’m sorry to everyone I let down by disappearing. All I can say is that life happens. I was briefly unemployed, I was briefly planning a move to Australia and the I ended up back with the same employer and not moving anywhere. I’ve also had some health issues (stress related, maybe? Naaaaah). And, if you can imagine, somewhere in there, I actually met and started dating someone. So now he’s around being a distraction – a very nice distraction, but a distr... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 11:47:43 EST Pink Slip I had a really rough week. <BR> <BR> Work has been slim at my company lately and we've started letting people go here and there. We are a construction company and live project to project. I was working on the proposal for major a project that we really need to stop further layoffs. <BR> <BR> Monday morning we learn that we were not selected for the project. We were disappointed and stunned. Wow, that's a tough break. Not a good day, right? If you can believe it, things actually we... Fri, 25 Jul 2014 16:06:38 EST Man, I Feel like a Woman I had a lousy weigh in this week. It was partly that I didn't do great with my eating last weekend but I know it wasn't 3.5 pounds worth of eating. It's mostly water weight. I know this. I'm still disappointed. <BR> <BR> There are a lot of great things about being a women. Being able to bring new life into the world and high heels come to mind. One of the less great - actually incredibly frustrating - things about being a woman is hormones. In my case, I know that there are times th... Sat, 12 Jul 2014 14:43:17 EST Active if not Exercising I had the great privilege of traveling to the greater Washington, DC area for the Independence Day weekend. (I was actually in Virginia). I even took a couple extra days off from work so I had four full days to explore. <BR> <BR> If you've ever been, you know that you can get just about anywhere via public transportation and a good walk. Over the 4 days I was there, I admit I didn't do well with my eating. I didn't even "exercise" per se, save for one day when I ran enough to get my hear... Tue, 8 Jul 2014 20:55:51 EST Back in Action! I've been trying to decide when exactly it was that I started going off the rails? I was 7 pounds (and a couple inches) smaller this time last year. At that time, my weight loss was noticeable enough that even my father even commented (and he's hardly the most observant person). <BR> <BR> Then it all went to hell. <BR> <BR> Was it because I changed jobs and I stopped seeing daily someone who was really motivating? Was it because the new job is straight up, out of control busy? Movin... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 21:51:59 EST Limited Mobility Workout Ideas?? Hello SP! I've been away for far too long. At least on the regular checking in and especially on the tracking. I've been pretty consistent with working out, though not as much running lately (I've kept up my streak and now stand at 103 weeks straight of 90+ minutes of cardio). <BR> <BR> In that time, I haven't had any major illnesses or injuries that prevented me from working out, at least a little (even just a walk around the block). All was well. <BR> <BR> Until this week. <BR> ... Wed, 5 Mar 2014 18:42:34 EST When the Roof Caved In I disappeared again from SP. And I learned (again) why I can’t do that. The results have not been good. I’ve allowed myself to get distracted and to “take a break.” There’s a great article on the SP home page today about why that’s a bad idea. And I concur! <BR> <BR> I’ve allowed myself a break because there’s been so much going on. And I deserved it. Or so I said. I closed on my first house just before Thanksgiving. We had an unusual amount of rain during the week. One evening,... Mon, 9 Dec 2013 12:48:55 EST Apologies & Feeling Blue Apologies to the fall Starfish for going MIA and not contributing this week! I’ve had a hellacious week. I had a major deadline at work which was crazy stressful. And yesterday, I was in a do-loop with my boss. I was gathering information and every time I thought I had everything and had anticipated all the questions he’d ask, he’d come up with something I didn’t expect or know the answer to and I’d be scrambling to get the answer and get back to him. Which led to another round of questi... Thu, 7 Nov 2013 14:55:43 EST A New Goal I have realized the last couple days that I am just as hard, if not harder, on myself now than I was 50 pounds ago. Lately I’ve been inclined to disparage myself and feel guilty, fat and inadequate. I have been trying to figure out why that is. And I think I’ve discovered the source. <BR> <BR> I’m crazy. Ha. I’m kidding. Kinda. <BR> <BR> I am an intense perfectionist and put a TON of pressure on myself. I am frequently motivated by fear, specifically fear of failure. I have had ... Wed, 30 Oct 2013 15:56:58 EST 5% Challenge Struggles – I just want to be normal! As part of the 5% challenge, I decided to go back to the basics of what worked for me at the beginning when I was losing weight, easily and consistently. For those who are familiar, it’s basically the South Beach Diet. Lots of fresh veggies, lean protein and some low GI carbs. Beyond the fact that I’ve given my way of eating a fancy name, nothing has changed. Breakfast, lunch and my 2 snacks were the same as usual. I have dinner planned and it’s healthy (if not terribly exciting). <BR... Wed, 16 Oct 2013 18:30:13 EST My Feelings Taste Delicious I have been a little bit of a mess lately. Maybe not a little. More like a lot. There’s been so much going on. I’m in a new position at work and on such a steep learning curve. Everything is taking me so long to do because I have no idea where to start. In my free time, I’ve been trying to buy my first house. Turns out this process is not as fun and easy as HGTV makes it seem. To be honest, it sucks. It’s scary and stressful. And holy that’s a lot of money! I will negotiate and co... Thu, 10 Oct 2013 08:50:41 EST Time to Give Away Clothes? Update! Well, I did it. I went through my closet over the weekend and started sorting out the clothes that don't fit anymore. Once I got started, I just kept going. I was ruthless. Things I don't wear, don't like, not sure why I bought in the first place -- in the pile. Shoes that don't fit or are uncomfortable -- in the pile. Only worn once dresses from weddings and Christmas parties -- in the pile. Ratty PJs and old stained shirts -- in the pile. <BR> <BR> By the time I was done, I had th... Mon, 16 Sep 2013 15:23:16 EST Time to Give Away Clothes? I have lost about 50 pounds (it varies by the day). I still have about 6 more pounds to my goal weight but as I have previously blogged, my dedication and motivation to keep losing is seriously waning. I decided it was time to take control when my size 12 clothes weren’t fitting and I had to buy a few size 14 items. I am now down to a size 4/6 depending on the store (I even have one size 2 skirt that I never wear but I had to buy). In the 18 months since I started this journey, I have giv... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 12:12:40 EST Being a Friend to Myself I have put on 5 pounds and am now 8 pounds way from goal. I know I’m not working hard enough and it’s showing on the scale (and yesterday, in how my pants fit). I lost 50 pounds with very few struggles with motivation. Now, I can’t seem to stop struggling with motivation. I don’t feel good physically or mentally. (Seriously, I haven’t had clothes in my closet be too tight in 18 months. It’s not a good feeling). I want to get it together and I just can’t. <BR> <BR> And I found an art... Sun, 25 Aug 2013 16:29:29 EST Feeling … Lost I haven’t been so good lately about tracking my food or even eating right. Dinner Friday consisted of chips, queso and margaritas. And I did not intend for it to be, so no, it wasn’t one of those planned splurges. It was just me eating too much. I also didn’t work out on Saturday or Sunday. It has probably been months since I missed both weekend day workouts (I’m always a little more sporadic during the week with my work schedule). I wish I could say that last week was the rare excepti... Mon, 19 Aug 2013 10:24:02 EST I have to say it out loud I suck at relationships. They scare me. I’m sensitive by nature and also a little distrustful. Most women are flattered when men say they’re beautiful; I am suspicious. I’m also not good at opening up and being vulnerable in general. Obviously, the mature thing to do is to avoid such situations and relationships. And that’s what I’ve done (rather successfully, I might add). My weight wasn’t an effort to deter relationships but it have an impact, for sure. I used to be the chubby gir... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 17:18:34 EST Fluctuating Okay – so I admit I’ve had a bad couple days. I haven’t been tracking consistently and I know I made some bad food choices (were all those potato chips really necessary, Martha?). I’d be far more willing to forgive myself except that a couple of bad days managed to equal 2.5 pounds on the scale this morning. Water weight, salt, etc. etc. I know of these things rationally. Rationally enough that I’m not even putting it in my weight tracker. (I only record my weigh in once a week, though ... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 11:51:51 EST You Worry Too Much I feel like the only time I ever blog is to complain about things. And I should work on doing better to celebrate the good and positive and not just focus on the negative. That said, I'm irritated. haha <BR> <BR> I was talking to one of my closest friends yesterday. I was talking to her about the silly drama of a single girl. Cut to the chase, I told her I might consider it if this guy wants to take me to out a NICE dinner with a NICE bottle of wine – where NICE means expensive because ... Thu, 13 Jun 2013 09:29:56 EST The Chocolate Pushers & The Critics The other day, a coworker offers me some chocolate. No thanks, I tell him. He tries again, but it’s the really good stuff, c’mon it’s in my office down the hall. Irritated, because I had already declined once, I reply firmly, no thank you, I'm working on losing 7 pounds and I've been doing very well and I’m going to stay on track. He sort of chuckles but doesn’t say anything else and wanders away. <BR> <BR> Of course by the end of the day, other coworkers are coming by and asking if I’... Wed, 22 May 2013 17:19:37 EST Water weight – or rather, milk weight! As I’m working my way through the first week of the 5% Challenge, successful completion of which will get me down to my final goal weight, I’ve decided it’s also a good time to consider how far I’ve come. I learned that a gallon of milk weighs about 8 pounds. So… here’s a picture of roughly the amount of weight I’ve lost – in gallons of milk: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Pretty amazing that I used to be lugging that much aro... Tue, 14 May 2013 14:35:06 EST Detoxifying I survived the weekend. As predicted, my family is crazy and a little stressful. But they’re family and it was good to see them. My mother bought expensive chocolates for an “Easter basket.” It was well meaning, but she really ought to know better by now because I don’t eat that stuff. She bought some last year too and I never ate it, so it’s still in the freezer. (I should probably toss it by now because it’s probably gross). I left it all with my sister because she is obsessed with ... Wed, 3 Apr 2013 08:58:28 EST No, I would not like a straw with that bottle of wine It’s been one of those weeks. It happens. Work is stressful, my grandpa is ill and we don’t know what’s wrong, my parents and I are heading to my sister’s place for Easter (I love them but somehow getting us all together is always stressful), and “so, there’s this guy…” You know, just one of those weeks. Turning into one of those months. <BR> <BR> But it’s okay. <BR> <BR> Monday, some girlfriends and I are starting a 21 day “sugar detox” to get us all back on track and ready for spr... Thu, 28 Mar 2013 10:25:28 EST Vacation Motivation I just got back from 9 days in Hawaii. It was great. I feel rested and relaxed. And exceptionally skinny. After 9 days in the tropics, who would have thought that was possible?!?! And this without tracking my food. I’m very pleased myself. <BR> <BR> It was by no means a perfect week. I enjoyed my fair share of Mai-Tai’s and even a chocolate martini on my birthday (I can't eat cake). But we stayed at a family member’s condo so I was able to prepare breakfast and lunch and kept heal... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 11:41:23 EST When the Ugly Voice Wins I rarely suffer from self-loathing or anything of the kind. Not that I don’t think I have issues, mind you. They just don’t generally manifest in negative self talk. Except this weekend. That ugly little voice was loud this weekend and strong and worst of all, I believed it. Yes, so I ate (and enjoyed the hell out of) some fajitas, chips and salsa, and even skinny margaritas on Saturday. I wasn’t even close on my calorie range. I have no excuse. Pick up, and move on. Except that voic... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 08:30:40 EST My three good reasons to keep going 1) 3.5 pounds. I am 3.5 pounds away from my goal weight. HOLY! I still can’t get over it. I joked with my friends when I started that they’d have a hard time keeping clothes on me if I ever lost all the weight. I never thought it would actually happen. But it did! Also turns out I like clothes, so I don’t foresee me running through the streets in my birthday suit. (Luckily for my friends!) Which brings me to my next reason… <BR> <BR> 2) My birthday – last February, on my 31st birt... Sat, 9 Feb 2013 15:18:47 EST When Gluten Free is Dangerous I don't eat gluten because I have celiacs disease. It's a real thing. An autoimmune disorder. Genetic, like a lot of these things are. I have it, as does my sister and my aunt, and a couple cousins, and I think my father (who is asymptomatic and healthy and doesn't want to know either way). I was diagnosed kinda by mistake myself about 9 months ago and have been gluten free ever since. <BR> <BR> And I hate it. <BR> <BR> It interferes with my life in all sorts of ways. It's expens... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 12:57:11 EST Focus on the Positive It's too easy to think of all the ways we've failed or not lived up to expectations (our own or others). So my SparkCoach challenge today is to blog about 3 accomplishments. <BR> <BR> The first one for me is pretty easy -- jogged 4 miles at the park over the weekend. I didn't walk until 3.5 mile mark and then just a couple steps. <BR> <BR> Second, I have done at least 90 minutes of cardio every week for the last 45 weeks. And most weeks, I've done more. That's an awesome Spark Streak... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 08:45:45 EST SC Daily Task Today's SparkCoach task is to post my meal plans for tomorrow. I'm hesitant to do this because I'm always annoyed by people who post to Facebook or Twitter things like, "making a grilled cheese" or "spaghetti for dinner!" Because, who cares? Unless you're LeBron James or Ben Affleck. Yeah, even then I don't care. <BR> <BR> Alas, I'm going to be a good girl. Tonight I'm making fajitas for dinner -- without the tortilla, and I'm thinking about trying Greek yogurt instead of sour cream t... Fri, 11 Jan 2013 08:17:57 EST