MAMADWARF's SparkPeople Blog MAMADWARF's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Thank you guys Thank you for the love, support and friendship over the last almost 7 years. I would not have succeeded without you and I would not have been able to fail without your support! Let’s make today about gratitude and it starts here! I love you all Thu, 23 Nov 2017 10:40:47 EST The battle inside my head. It starts the minute I wake up... the conversations in my head. What day is it? Do I have to work? What appointments do I have? Then breakfast is really easy... I eat a few different options for breakfast, always reasonable. Then I’m busy. Until all goes down hill. What am I eating for dinner? How can I fit my calories in today? What can I get away with and save room for dinner? I’m busy, drive through! No! Ok but just a kids meal.... and it goes on and on, fixating on food until din... Mon, 20 Nov 2017 21:53:23 EST Then and now 7 years ago today, I celebrated losing 50 pounds by going Kayaking. I’ll never forget that day... the weather was perfect, I felt happy and proud of myself, my husband was proud of me and we paddled around Monterey Bay then had champagne and watched the sun set. I want to do that again. Lose the weight, feel proud, feel strong. Having hubby along side for the ride is great but I need to do it for me. Mon, 13 Nov 2017 22:00:37 EST I want something! Today was 8 days of eating right and tracking. I had a crummy day. I let stress get to me, I hated my lunch even though there’s nothing wrong with a tuna sandwich. I wanted fast food. A burger, pizza, fries, cookies, something! Some excuse to eat comforting food. I felt uncomfortable and over reacted to everything and I wanted to turn to food, my best friend. I was at a store where I could have candy or chips or any number of “bad” things. Nobody would know. I settled for a Diet Pepsi whi... Tue, 7 Nov 2017 23:15:26 EST Why is it so hard? Why do we fight it so hard??? It feels good when we track and succeed! It feels good when we complete a goal It feels good to get that next size down instead of the next size up! Why do we fight it so hard? Why is food such an addiction and why is it so hard to give up the things we want, the things that make us feel better, the things that ultimately hurt us? It’s so abusive! I’m just gonna take one day at a time. I know how to succeed. It was so easy before.... until it wasn’t. Today, I h... Sat, 4 Nov 2017 21:38:10 EST Hello, it's me <img src=""> Some may remember me, some may not but I was pretty much a spark superstar for a few years. I lost weight and gained friends and have always kept a foot here in the community. That foot is great but the rest of me, not so much. I've gained weight but I kept the friends! If you're new, add me. If you're an old friend , say hi! Today, was step one. I made it. Mon, 16 Jan 2017 21:55:40 EST SO this is why people freak out <BR> Edit:Thanks everyone for your support and comments! I feel better now and will carry on. <BR> <BR> <BR> Hello crew...for those who don't know me, I am Jan and have been here for 6 years. I am a normally positive person and losing 70 pounds for me was pretty easy actually. Then life happened and blah blah... (insert cry baby noises here) and I gained it back. ALL of it. <BR> I have stayed with one toe in the water here as it is my lifeline and I have gained so much knowledge but mostl... Fri, 15 Apr 2016 14:34:32 EST 6 years later <img src=""> 6 years ago today, I started at spark people! I'm so grateful I found this place and made the friends that I have. I am not at my goal but I've lost a lot, gained a lot and learned a lot. This is my home. While I may take breaks, I have one foot in the door and I will never surrender. Thu, 10 Mar 2016 11:37:53 EST I haven't even wanted to write this..... Hi guys, <BR> <BR> It's been a few since I wrote a blog. I've been doing well and have lost 13 pounds of the 20 goal I've set for myself by September 28. <BR> <BR> As you know I've had knee replacement in October, back discectomy in March and each time, it's been followed by physical therapy and a renewed fight to get my health back. I tend to push through to move forward but I've had a lot of hip pain in the opposite side of the new knee. Long story short, I've been walking around on a f... Wed, 26 Aug 2015 21:56:16 EST Hello junk food, my old friend If you're all just joining me, this is my first official blog since I returned. I have tracked for the last three weeks, even when I wasn't stellar. I quit drinking diet soda in the morning too and have felt pretty good. <BR> <BR> Monday morning my husband had a serious case of vertigo. After 3 hours of waiting and arguing he ended up in an ambiance. He was admitted. Ct scans, blood work, egg, ultrasounds, MRI. He is remarkably healthy! He started feeling better yesterday and today he came... Wed, 1 Jul 2015 18:30:52 EST Oh, And another thing! Today, I went to a graduation party. I ate a handful of pub mix ( pretzels etc), had 2 bottles of water, then had a Taco Bell burrito with beans and steak, no cheese, on the way home. NO SODA! <BR> <BR> I was really happy with myself. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow is Father's Day and we are bbq'ing here. I already tracked what I'm going to eat for the whole day and made some modifications to stay on track. <BR> <BR> We shall see how I do. I bought assortment of bottled soda and ice teas and beers for... Sat, 20 Jun 2015 23:38:13 EST I'm still not blogging I just wanted to tell you something Ok I'm still not blogging because I said I wouldn't. 11 days of being "back on my program" that helped me lose 70 pounds (and being off it which helped me gain 60 back). <BR> <BR> I remember when I started 5 years ago. I found spark people and it was incredibly easy. I was so ready and spark was fun and really fit me. I remember reading about people who had lost 100 pounds or more and being astonished it was possible. It gave me so much hope because my goal was to lose 111 pounds. <BR> <BR... Fri, 19 Jun 2015 00:12:04 EST I'm not blogging I'm not blogging or talking to much or doing anything other than tracking and staying within my ranges. I also gave up my morning diet Pepsi for the last week. Baby steps! I do not want to put too much pressure on myself so I'm just doing manageable things. I have lost 4 pounds and I'm half a pound away from being under 280.... Only 100 more to go! Lol <BR> I'm hanging in and just wanted you to know...thanks for reading. Wed, 17 Jun 2015 00:09:37 EST Sometimes I spark myself I was commenting on Cannie50's blog today (if you dont know her, you should). Anyway, I said that gaining the weight I had lost was not worth the Robin's egg malt balls I am still consuming weeks after Easter. <BR> <BR> Stop start stop start. <BR> Where am I now? Well, in clothes that are pretty tight and a larger and larger section of things that don't fit. Everyone in my house is gaining weight except for the hubby because he is annoying! lol. <BR> <BR> Anyway, I made a plan with young... Wed, 22 Apr 2015 22:15:46 EST My 5 year Blogaversary Hello loyal friends and perhaps new ones! <BR> <BR> 5 years ago tonight, I decided I had to do something with myself. I was at my alltime highest weight of 291 (actually found out later, I had weighed in at dr's office at 304). <BR> I googled and found sparkpeople. I created an account and since it was a Wednesday, I decided I would "try" it the following Monday when all good diet attempts begin. <BR> In the morning, I awoke and decided to just try logging in and see how it went. That was th... Tue, 10 Mar 2015 22:02:43 EST It's been a few weeks So for the last few weeks I have been tracking my food. It is amazing how much just being aware does for what you put in your mouth. I KNOW this works because I have done it before so I dont know why it surprises me. But it feels good to be making progress. <BR> <BR> I am in a LOT of physical pain. Today, I cried about 10 times just while I was in the office and feeling sorry for myself. I finally quit fighting it, went into the bathroom and let loose for a few minutes and got back to my da... Mon, 9 Feb 2015 22:54:08 EST Since I've been gone... Hey friends and stangers! Coming up on my 5 year sparkaversay in March! its shocking how much time has gone by! Let's recap Jan's roller coaster ride ok? Buckle up! The first year I lost 50 pounds, lowered all my health numbers, got off diabetic medicine and was very motivated and was walking 2-3 miles a day with my hubby and sweet dog, stitchy. The next year, I lost 20 pounds and felt fabulous. I was inspiring people and myself on a daily basis. I was happy. The 3rd year, things started goi... Wed, 28 Jan 2015 23:22:12 EST nothing fancy, just saying hi Happy thanksgiving everyone. I just wanted to take a minute and say hello and hope you're having a good holiday. I'm 4 weeks post knee replacement and its going well! Looking forward to moving more and gaining some strength back. I hope you and yours are all well and happy! Love jan Thu, 27 Nov 2014 22:18:08 EST October blog remember when I had sunday check in's every week??? dang, me too! Its been awhile ! I do have some updates. <BR> <BR> I am having knee replacement on October 21 and my whole reason is so I can start moving again. I am going to take the opportunity to reboot my eating and excercise program so i can get healthy again. I will keep you posted on that. <BR> <BR> My family situation is beginning to settle down, thank goodness. I am still sad but not crying every day so PROGRESS. kady and art are... Mon, 13 Oct 2014 23:10:38 EST October blog remember when I had sunday check in's every week??? dang, me too! Its been awhile ! I do have some updates. <BR> <BR> I am having knee replacement on October 21 and my whole reason is so I can start moving again. I am going to take the opportunity to reboot my eating and excercise program so i can get healthy again. I will keep you posted on that. <BR> <BR> My family situation is beginning to settle down, thank goodness. I am still sad but not crying every day so PROGRESS. kady and art are... Mon, 13 Oct 2014 23:10:31 EST I am here today. Hello everyone. I know my attendance here has been sporadic. When I last checked in, my daughter had gotten married in May, we went on vacation and I was trying to dig myself out of this hole I was in. <BR> <BR> Let me first say that I love sparkpeople and everyone here. I want to be here, I want to continue my goals. I will never leave, at least not for long. This is still home for me and always will be. <BR> <BR> I have had some serious issues that I have only told a few people about. <... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 23:28:21 EST shift of thinking... So, last week, I was all rainbows and butterflies and happy, right? I was eating well, felt good, had a great weekend. <BR> <BR> Got on the scale this am, looking for my 2 lb reward...NOPE! Gained a half a pound....I literally laughed out loud! <BR> <BR> Which brings me to this. <BR> <BR> I felt better last week. <BR> I ate better last week. <BR> I moved more last week. <BR> <BR> Is any of that diminished because I didn't lose any weight according to the scale? <BR> Heck no. It just mean... Tue, 17 Jun 2014 00:06:17 EST Victory over orange slices! Today my sister brought me over my favorite candy... Those sugary orange candies? I said thanks and put them in a baggy in my cupboard. <BR> <BR> Then I cut up my watermelon and bagged that up along with some chicken to take to the races today. We will be gone all day so I wanted to be prepared and not eat crap at the racetrack. <BR> <BR> I even had to go get ice and I got hubby some m and m's and I didn't eat any!!! <BR> <BR> Yea, me!!!!!!! Sat, 14 Jun 2014 16:10:40 EST 4 dang good days This is the end of my 4th day. I can't tell you why I am doing things right or well, I can only tell you that I am. I am not trying. I am DOING! I am planning my meals and sticking to it. Every morning, I say I'm going to do something and then I do it. I have eaten salad for lunch and liked it. I have had fresh strawberries and pineapple to snack on and been satisfied. I added zucchini to my pasta tonight because I knew I needed more veggies. You know what? <BR> <BR> I am proud of myself. I... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 21:00:30 EST the last few days Well, kids, the last few days have been pretty good. <BR> <BR> I'm planning, tracking, eating well and it feels good. <BR> <BR> I'm shaky, but standing. <BR> I'm taking it day by day, but I feel like I'm building momentum. <BR> I'm not ready for any of this but I'm doing it anyway. <BR> <BR> The things I used to do routinely, are foreign now, but I'm getting my memory back. <BR> <BR> Thank you for all your support and for still being here yourselves! <BR> <BR> As each day passes, I know... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 10:52:12 EST facing facts Hello my friends. This morning, after returning from vacation, I weighed myself and logged it. It wasn't pretty but it is what it is. <BR> <BR> It is a starting point, as is this blog. <BR> <BR> I'm unhappy with my physical self. So today, I am going to log my food, drink plenty of water, eat all my meals at home and I'm going to do a 10 minute work out video. These are Things I can do today. So I will. <BR> <BR> Here I go. Mon, 9 Jun 2014 10:15:03 EST Here is the Wedding blog and the beginning of getting MY LIFE back OMG, you guys. I do a lot of crazy stuff but when I throw a wedding for 300 people, it may be over my pay grade. It was EXHAUSTING. It has been a week and I am still not over it yet. Meanwhile, the daughter and new son in law, are coming home tonight from MAUI. Where is my vacation??? Oh that would be starting Thursday for 10 days when we go to Utah, my favorite place with my favorite people. Now that this is over, and they are working on starting their own lives, and I am learning to let go... Mon, 26 May 2014 23:31:42 EST may day Hello my friends! I'm here, I'm OK, I think of you often. <BR> <BR> I'm up to my ears in wedding mania for my daughter. We have 13 days until I can live a normal life. I just want you to know that I'm OK. I'm not tracking, or walking or eating right but I'm drinking water and eating OK.... <BR> <BR> I love you guys and because I'm not as active right now, don't give up n me. You're my touch stone. I need you. <BR> <BR> Pictures will come after the wedding! Sun, 4 May 2014 16:00:21 EST i know you know The good news is my shorts from last summer fit. The bad news is my shorts from last summer fit. <BR> <BR> People in the outside world would not know what I was talking about but I know you know! <BR> <BR> Today I tracked my food and made concious decicions about what I ate and stayed in range. <BR> <BR> So I'm back to one step at a time. Or 5 minutes at a time. Either way I got through the day. And I need to get that flat fixed on the bus so I can get back on my comeback tour Tue, 18 Mar 2014 21:14:18 EST Am I OK? My friend, RAMONA, just sent me a goodie with the simple words that she hopes I am ok. <BR> <BR> Thank you for that. <BR> <BR> AM I OK? <BR> <BR> I guess I dont spend a lot of time thinking about that. My days have been soooo busy with work (we have a roofing company that has been super busy and which I am grateful for) and we are doing a lot of work for a solar company (so its practically a merger) and upgrading our internet presence etc. I am still busy with dr's visits, (why am I bleedi... Mon, 24 Feb 2014 15:05:51 EST sunday check in 2-2-14 hello my people! How was this week for you? Any GOOD news? Tell me one goal for this month? <BR> <BR> My goal is to get below 260 and if all works well, below 255. <BR> <BR> I had some physical issues this weekend but will call Dr. Monday and see how to deal with that. I also have my mammogram scheduled...Do you or did you recently do that for yourself? You guys? Are you taking care of yourself too? <BR> <BR> I am one day at a time right now. Things are a bit unsettled but nothing unmanage... Sun, 2 Feb 2014 23:27:22 EST Sunday check in 1-26-14 So? How was your week? What do you have to look forward to this week? What are you gonna do for YOU? <BR> <BR> For my mental health, Franks and I are gonna go play with our friends for a few days down near Mesquite Nevada. It should be a good stress reliever! <BR> <BR> On the bad side, my dear sweet Stitchy dog, tore a ligament in her knee. She will be OK with a few weeks of rest and meds, we hope. So she will stay home with my daughter and rest while we are gone. I will be back on Friday, ... Sun, 26 Jan 2014 23:10:18 EST life on the road is tough A few weeks into my comeback tour and I have of had a hard week. Lesson 1: Failure to plan means setup to fail. <BR> <BR> One of the things that has worked well for me is to plan my meals. That went out the window when my 28 year old daughter moved back in for a few weeks. She brings my granddog bulldog, Cortez and her boyfriend whom I like but it is extra chaos. She has happily wanted to cook for us and in that, I am not in control which leads to extra calories. Plus, she got my baking gene... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 12:52:19 EST how did you do? sunday check in 1-19-14 So how did last week go? I did good with my cooking goal, and will do it again this week. Had pizza today but didn't eat too much. so I'm moving more, walking better and doing on. <BR> <BR> My goal for this week is cooking Sunday through Thursday, meal planning and walk at least 3 times this week, <BR> <BR> What are you gonna do??? Sun, 19 Jan 2014 23:17:23 EST SUNDAY check in 1-12-14 SO? how did you do last week? You are going to tell me something you are proud of or something that went right! No regrets, no BUTS, none of that nonsense! This Tour does not stop for that! <BR> <BR> Moving forward OK to next week, tell me ONE goal that you KNOW you can manage! <BR> <BR> Mine is cooking Sunday through Thursday. I have my meals planned and am ready to take in the week. (Oh yea, I lost 2 pounds last week...woot!) Sun, 12 Jan 2014 18:27:48 EST What made you proud this week? Hope you have all had a fantastic week so far! I want you to be thinking of your VIP access status and come up with at least ONE thing that made you proud of yourself this week. Don't worry! You have until SUNDAY to come up with something! <BR> <BR> I, however, will jump the gun and mention that I planned my meals this week, stayed with my ranges every single day, even under stressed and chaotic circumstances and am feeling really good. My back is healing, I am starting to walk again and th... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 17:55:55 EST Jan's wild and wonderful comeback tour, 2014! Well, my friends, I know you have missed the magic that is MAMADWARF! I have missed it, too! So, due to POPULAR demand (key on POP since it is the sound my jeans buttons make most of the time these days!), I am BACK! <BR> <BR> Let's have a little Q and A, shall we? <BR> <BR> Q. Why should I buy a ticket to your show? <BR> A. First of all, it is very affordable! WELL worth the price of admission! Just a word of encouragement, a sweet little spark goodie, maybe a link to a favorite recipe. An... Mon, 6 Jan 2014 19:07:03 EST Medical update MY Biopsy came back CLEAN! NO CANCER! NO MORE SURGERIES! woooohooo! <BR> <BR> And my back which has kept me down for weeks, barely able to stand or walk for more than a few minutes, I had an epidural for my back today and I'm doing physical therapy so I'm on my way to recovery! <BR> <BR> Looking forward to my SPARKPEOPLE COME BACK TOUR! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK!? I will be back at it in a few days. Love you all and thank you for your care and support and never giving up on me. Jan Fri, 27 Dec 2013 23:30:37 EST i fell into the trap You know the one. Where we tell ourselves that we are tired of all this. Screw it, I will eat what I want, when I want. That I don't care. <BR> <BR> Then, you get that wake up call. That moment when: <BR> <BR> Your blood work shows you are diabetic again. Remember how proud you were that you beat it 2 years ago? <BR> <BR> When you are scared to get on the scale, because you KNOW, YOU KNOW what you weigh and you're scared to face it. <BR> <BR> When your body is falling apart and you can ba... Wed, 11 Dec 2013 00:00:14 EST i learned something today It is no surprise to anyone who knows me that I LOVE cookies. Like, uncontrollably. I can never eat just one. One leads to a total sugar binge. I baked cookies yesterday. I guess I still felt the need for comfort. But today,I put them all in the freezer except for 2 for franks lunch. And I realized that just because things have been one way, I don't have to ALWAYS be that way. Why did it take me so long to realize that and fall into that head trap? Its dumb. I ate one cookie today. One. <BR> ... Mon, 18 Nov 2013 23:34:50 EST i got some upsetting news (very personal, feel free to skip) OK this is what's going on. You may recall my bitching about menopause for the last year or so. Well, I had a period after a year and mentioned it to my Dr. They were concerned and so, I had ultrasound on tuesday and today I had my biopsy. So when my dr. came in room, I asked what Ultrasound said and she looked it up. She said "jesus christ" under her breathe while she was looking at it so I took that as things were not looking too good. She is a new dr. just met her last week but I like her ... Fri, 15 Nov 2013 21:43:26 EST This made me cry, not in a bad way I would love for you all to watch this short video. It is a new york artist who literally strips away negativity about her body. It is beautiful. Truly. Let me know what you think. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>t-like-katy-perrys-roar-before-you-wil<BR>l-1461879323 </link> Wed, 13 Nov 2013 13:52:30 EST I am Jealous <BR> My sister in law, who was my partner in weight loss failure for YEARS, got lapband surgery. I was against it, gently told her why and then supported her decision. I understand why she wanted to do it. She weighed more than me, has unsuccessfully been on every weight loss plan and diet (except for spark people) and never could lose or keep off any significant weigh. <BR> <BR> I get that. We ALL get that. she eats a cup of food 3 times a day. There are many things she cannot have like br... Sun, 10 Nov 2013 10:43:04 EST what happened? I got tired of tracking, planning, thinking about food, what I COULD have, what I SHOULD have, all of it. So I checked in occasionally, walked a bit sometimes, ate what I wanted when I wanted it. And you know what? Most of the habits I formed here in the last 3 years stuck with me but some didn't. I gained weight (shocker!) And I missed my friends here. I had a good sparky reach out and last week, every day, we focused on what good things we did for ourselves. We wrote to each other every day... Wed, 6 Nov 2013 11:19:38 EST Because it has been awhile, PICTURES!!! SO we did a photo shoot. My daughter, Kady, is the photographer. Here is a picture of Frank, Stitchy and I. I love it. <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> And here is a picture of my daughter, Kady and Her fiance, Artie. These are their engagement Pictures and they are getting married May 17, 2014. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> and the real THEM: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople... Tue, 8 Oct 2013 23:21:58 EST Close one It was a cool september morning, with the promise of rain hanging in the air. The woman had many things on her mind, many chores to do, but was feeling positive and was ready to get to work. As she entered her kitchen, she made a mental list of the thing yet to do. She began her first task, to make a lemon cake, something she had done many times and was confident in her abilities. As she measured the ingredients, added them together in the bowl and sprinkled it with love, she hummed a happy l... Sat, 21 Sep 2013 13:15:10 EST Whats going on with me I have been super stressed. We have a lot of work (good thing) but it requires alot of office work and scheduling and rescheduling since we are in construction, things never seem to be ready when they are supposed to be. <BR> <BR> Our BIG annual racing event is coming next week. The one where I cook for 300 people for 3 days? This year, its only two days so I'm glad about that! Pulled pork loin Friday and Fri tip on Saturday. There's a lot of office work invlolved in that too with entries, p... Thu, 19 Sep 2013 11:05:45 EST Hey Jan...Remember when Remember when you were planning dinner at a restaurant, you would go on the website and plan a meal and track it before you even went there? And you stuck to it? And felt good? And proud? <BR> <BR> Well how about tomorrow when you go to Outback Steakhouse, you do it again? You know, you can get that awesome sirloin with the veggies that you like? You can have that crispy cold salad while everyone else eats that's gross, oily friend onion and you can even have a couple pieces of that delicio... Thu, 12 Sep 2013 23:14:34 EST 4 days 4 pounds The nice part about getting back on track is dropping a few pounds helps me stay motivated to keep going. I need the reward of seeing progress during my first few shaky days of eating under control and walking. <BR> <BR> So that means next week will be a lot slower but I will still be making day a time.. <BR> <BR> Thanks for your support guys!!! Thu, 12 Sep 2013 11:32:55 EST Im a meerkat MY animal tarot today is the meerkat...see below. <BR> <BR> Today's card is the Meerkat: Get support from a trusted group of like-minded friends <BR> <BR> You have a lot on your plate. You deal with things every day that not everyone deals with, and sometimes you need to talk about it; discuss it with someone who will not judge you and knows exactly what you are talking about. It's not always easy to find someone who 'gets' you like that, so when you find the ones that you can talk to easil... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 10:59:46 EST