MAGA99's SparkPeople Blog MAGA99's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community 72 0f 90 Celebrated 16 years of marriage this past weekend. It was awesome the hotel had a heated salt water pool; it was within walking distance to Ruby Tuesday. <BR> Tomorrow I will post pix <BR> <BR> I've now finished 4 ponchos 1 for each of the grands that don't live with me. <BR> The oldest grand my Lala lives with us; so I do hers last <BR> Tomorrow I will post pix <BR> <BR> I've also made a scripture carrier for one of the missionaries <BR> Pix tomorrow <BR> <BR> I am back on all of meds; I... Thu, 5 Nov 2015 21:49:16 EST 71 of 90 Thanx be to God ! <BR> This depression episode is starting to get better. <BR> Had a healing blessing on Thursday and have really started to get to the ole me <BR> <BR> Hubby and I did my hair which always helps, he says it took 5 yrs off of me <BR> Today I got to start back onto my meds; a true Blessing <BR> <BR> Today marks 16 yrs of marriage; 32 yrs of friendship. <BR> Tomorrow we're going to a hotel with a pool and to Ruby Tuesdays to eat <BR> <BR> Monday God willing i'm gonna try to... Sat, 31 Oct 2015 23:27:49 EST 70 of 90 Is slowly improving mentally <BR> <BR> I'm back to reading my scriptures I do believe that it does help me alot <BR> <BR> I've been crocheting everyday; (I might have mentioned this) making ponchos and fingerless gloves for my grands <BR> <BR> Had an impulse and acted on it; so hubby and I will b going on an over night getaway for our anniversary. Local hotel with an indoor pool and going out for dinner. Halloween will b 16 yrs that we've been married and we've never even been on a honey... Tue, 20 Oct 2015 22:37:29 EST 68 of 90 I've had 2 somewhat decent days this week. <BR> <BR> I'm trying it's just so hard and i know I have my spark ppl here; but some days just getting on the comp seems to do b such a burden <BR> <BR> I hate myself when I'm like this: <BR> weak <BR> pathetic <BR> <BR> I really wish that there was a way to just snap out of this <BR> All I want to do is sleep and eat <BR> <BR> But I'm trying to crochet a little each day; after its for my granddaughter( I'm making ALL 5 of them ponchos) <BR... Fri, 16 Oct 2015 23:12:58 EST 67 of 90 I dint realize how bad this episode was until the other day. i really did let the depression take over every aspect of my life. I want to say that its over and that I'm getting better but I'm not I'm getting worse. Well at least I'm not suicidal ( only cause past attempts didnt work and there are no guarantees that theyever will so I'm done trying that) <BR> I've done this to myseld I put myself in a bublle away from ppl away from life. I'm content to sit on the side lines and watch others li... Sat, 10 Oct 2015 23:00:05 EST 66 of 90 Feeling broken but not giving up <BR> <BR> I've tried giving up several times before; so I know that's not an option. I will find a way to fight thru this. I feel hopeless but I know this to shall pass. I believe in a high power. I know that there is a God; and he is by my side. <BR> <BR> I have no energy to exercise and when I do I wind up in so much pain. I try to eat right but its hard when food is so expensive <BR> <BR> I'm trying to grow a garden all year to help me with veggies. I'... Wed, 30 Sep 2015 17:51:42 EST 65 of 90 I'm so thankful that there are ppl who wont let me give up <BR> <BR> I dont want to deal with things but my 2 yr old grand is here and she makes me have to get out of bed <BR> <BR> God has Blessed me in so many ways <BR> I'm gonna do my best to hold on to his mercy as I deal with my depression <BR> <BR> God Bless all Mon, 28 Sep 2015 13:09:16 EST 64 of 90 I'm really in a funk <BR> The adversary got a hold of me and I'm having trouble getting loose <BR> <BR> <BR> All I want to do is avoid the world even my on line world <BR> Sun, 27 Sep 2015 20:25:50 EST 63 of 90 I'm so far behind on my blogs <BR> <BR> I just really dont feel like doing anything but sleeping these days; yet I'm still always tired <BR> <BR> Exercise is just nonexistent <BR> <BR> Healthy eating is well yeah nonexistent <BR> <BR> wondering why even keep bothering; hubby doesnt care about my weight so why should I <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless Thu, 24 Sep 2015 23:43:20 EST 62 of 90 September depresses me. There are several reasons why. <BR> <BR> 1. school starting reminds me that I'm no longer able to work <BR> <BR> 2. the 8th although my daughters birthday is also the day I lost my Aunt Ada it's been 3 years <BR> <BR> 3 the 15ht although my dear friends birthday it also marks 10 yrs since my mother left us <BR> <BR> these are just a few of the reasons why September makes me want to curl into a ball Wed, 16 Sep 2015 12:40:23 EST 61 of 90 Not really feeling like doing much of anything these days <BR> <BR> Just wanna sleep <BR> <BR> avoid the world Tue, 15 Sep 2015 21:43:49 EST 60 of 90 GOD  <BR> MY ON-LINE FRIEND  <BR> <BR> Maybe you don't look me right in the eye...  <BR> Maybe you can't ever wipe my tears when I cry.  <BR> Maybe we can't share some tea and sweet.  <BR> Or walk together down a path... or up the street.  <BR> But we can still be good friends, you see.  <BR> Because we met; you and me.  <BR> And when you have a "cyber" friend it matters not...  <BR> How you look, what you wear, or what you've got.  <BR> I don't care if your last name is... Sun, 13 Sep 2015 13:17:16 EST 59 of 90 spent another day in bad pain; but I refused to stay in bed <BR> <BR> Baba (the 2 yr old grand) is back at my place. <BR> Lala is adapting well to 5th grade. <BR> Hubby is back to enjoying his job; well for the most part <BR> <BR> Place still aint organizing but oh well it is what it is <BR> <BR> Still waiting on the insurance; I'm to the point of not just skipping dosed but even cutting them in half. This does explain the pain and the feeling like crap <BR> <BR> the rain sounds so relax... Thu, 10 Sep 2015 21:50:22 EST 58 of 90 Still haven't been able to get a replay from medicaid; I seriously do need my insurance. <BR> <BR> Pretty much spent the day in bed; I tossed and turned most of the night. In more then the usual pain today. <BR> <BR> I'm ready to just start throwing away things to get the house in order. It's so stressful; I just want everything in it's place and a place for everything. <BR> <BR> My bike should b here by the end of the week and then I will b able on my good days to at least do that <BR> <... Wed, 9 Sep 2015 17:23:32 EST 57 of 90 Almost didnt blog tonight; I actually fell asleep around 8 watching tv. something that I never do. <BR> <BR> spent today enjoying the quiet of being home alone ; all day <BR> Hubby was on the phone with Baba earlier and she told him POP POP COME GET ME she only been back with her mom for a day. It's a amazing at 2 she knows where she wants to b <BR> <BR> been working on strength training; figure its the best way to get back into trying to exercise <BR> <BR> meds are kicking in so <BR> swee... Tue, 8 Sep 2015 23:43:28 EST 56 of 90 Loving this cooler weather <BR> <BR> Baba went home today. It is so quiet here right now. Lala is in bed and hubby laying in the room watching tv. So I get to have some peace for myself. <BR> <BR> Hubby is very happy with how our new place is becoming more like a home. I'm glad that he is finally realizing that this was the right fit for us. <BR> <BR> Gonna reach out to medicaid again tomorrow to see if they can get my insurance fixed. I'm almost all out of meds; its been hard enough stret... Mon, 7 Sep 2015 21:20:40 EST 55 of 90 Another blessed day that was a gift from God. Woke up still feeling crappy but I went to church and I'm so glad that I did. Such an uplifting service. <BR> <BR> One of the ladies from church offered to take me to see my dad at the nursing home. Lala and I went for the visit <BR> <img src=""> <BR> funny faces <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR>... Sun, 6 Sep 2015 21:19:24 EST 54 0f 90 Inspite the flaws that come from 2nd hand furniture (they must have had cats and its that soft leather). I'm finding it to b comfortable and I think it will b easy to fix that little knicks. <BR> I liked this place the first time that I seen it; but I'm amazed at how much at peace I feel here. We basically started over from scratch when we moved in here last mth. But thru the grace of God and some really good ppl. It doesn't feel at all like starting over <BR> <BR> Today my 2nd eldest grand... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 19:25:31 EST 53 of 90 Another super hot day in NC, really miss having a pool <BR> <BR> Still not able to crochet much due to the swelling in my hands; I really miss crocheting it kept my sanity <BR> <BR> Finally got livingroom furniture; hubby got it from rent a center but as a cash and carry so less then what someone else owed on it. The part is it has recliners to prop up my legs <BR> <BR> <BR> its movie night so gotta go <BR> we're watching Hero6 <BR> good night and God Bless <BR> Fri, 4 Sep 2015 22:22:06 EST 52 of 90 I've realized the only way to really get back on track is to go back to what worked with little effort; well at least to get started. <BR> Exercise is NOT an easy thing especially it hurts to do anything <BR> Dieting doesn't work especially as I'm a binge eater and I LOVE food <BR> I've decided that the best way to get started is to go back to eating every 3 hours. This will help not only with me being conscious about my eating but it also helps with my borderline diabetic not actually becomi... Thu, 3 Sep 2015 21:38:46 EST 51 of 90 I'm so backed up with Sparkpeople and emails. <BR> Both my internet and laptop has been acting up. <BR> <BR> They seem to both now be fixed; so I'm back to sparking <BR> God willing that is <BR> <BR> It's late so . . . <BR> good night and God-Bless Tue, 1 Sep 2015 23:37:15 EST 50 of 90 Having trouble getting my pics from my phone to my laptop <BR> so the pics will have to be on another blog <BR> <BR> still not unpacked all the way <BR> its just hard when I'm in pain all the time <BR> <BR> Lala started school; she is now a 5th grader <BR> <BR> trying to exercise a little more <BR> it's just trying to find ways not too b in so much pain <BR> <BR> God Bless Wed, 26 Aug 2015 21:04:53 EST 49 of 90 Really tired but I'm already a blog behind; so just a quick one. <BR> <BR> My son and his family were down from Jersey for the weekend; it was great. My dil and I even did crafts Saturday night while the guys went to the store with my sons daughter Skyann and our Lala. We made color glass. i will post pic tomorrow of the grands and our craft <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless <BR> Sun, 23 Aug 2015 22:54:31 EST 48 of 90 My internet has been acting up for the last few days but so far today we good <BR> <BR> I've been so truly Blessed: <BR> I finally got approved for my disability <BR> I get to see my son and his family after 3 years <BR> Hubby may b getting a promotion at work <BR> Hubby is beginning to realize the God is the answer <BR> I've lost 6 pounds <BR> this are just a few <BR> <BR> I can not Praise God enough <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless Fri, 21 Aug 2015 22:28:18 EST 47 of 90 Still not able to excise much so my main focus has been on changing m eating habits. It's not easy to eat right when you have to cook all your food in the microwave and your on a really really tight food budget. This being said though I've lost 6 lbs since my last weigh in. <BR> <BR> I now want to try to push my exercise a little more as I'm seeing progress it helps me to b motivated <BR> <BR> My 2 yr old grand is staying with me for a cpl days. Saturday for the first time ever ALL 5 of gra... Wed, 19 Aug 2015 23:22:37 EST 46 of 90 I wrote out my blog went to post it and my internet went out <BR> I'm too tired to type up another one so this is it for today <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless Tue, 18 Aug 2015 23:21:53 EST 45 of 90 HALF WAY POINT <BR> YEAAAAAAAAAH <BR> Well I'm half way thru my 90 blogs <BR> <BR> Now its time to start a regular exercise program for me. I found some chair exercises on youtube that I'm gonna try. Figure I'll start with 2 days a week and grow from there. Don't wanna do to much and back rail myself again. <BR> <BR> I have a really bad habit of overdoing things when I have a good day. I plan to set 2 days for exercising and do it regardless I've how I'm feeling. Tuesdays and Thursdays ar... Mon, 17 Aug 2015 21:59:17 EST 44 of 90 I wrote this a little over 2 yrs ago <BR> <BR> UP & DOWN 7/3/13 <BR> up and down - - - upside down  <BR> balloons float away  <BR> worms dig deeper deeper  <BR> up and down - - - upside down  <BR> the sun is bright  <BR> then the darkness overcomes  <BR> up and down - - - upside down  Sun, 16 Aug 2015 23:48:49 EST 43 of 90 I'm exhausted, in pain and I have kankles for ankles. but I feel great about the accomplishments that God helped me thru today. <BR> <BR> Walked as a family just over a mile and a half <BR> School shopping is done <BR> Weekly food shopping done ahead of schedule <BR> The homework area and the craft area in the kitchen are set up <BR> Actually hung up curtains in the living room <BR> Got caught up with laundry <BR> <BR> Hubby was such a Blessing with helping get everything done. It bothers ... Sat, 15 Aug 2015 23:52:57 EST 42 of 90 well the energy didnt last but I'm thinking our eating habits and my non-vitamins may have alot to do with my energy levels this cooking in a microwave is not healthy eating <BR> <BR> <BR> I read a blog earlier and my response really has me thinking of the changes that I need to make <BR> <BR> when I first joined spark I was able to lose weight I actually lost over 75 pounds which i have now gained back plus some <BR> <BR> but I've come to realize some of my issues: <BR> - on the days ... Fri, 14 Aug 2015 12:53:14 EST 41 of 90 Feeling a little more energized today <BR> <BR> prayerfully this is just the first of many days to come <BR> <BR> not much to say so everyone be blessed <BR> Thu, 13 Aug 2015 20:37:32 EST 40 of 90 pretty much slept thru another day <BR> I'm just always tired <BR> my meds are starting to get really low; praying the insurance gets fixed soon <BR> <BR> planning to try to see the meteor shower tonight; my Lala is driving me crazy about it but its cloudy here so we'll see what happens <BR> <BR> counting down till Lala goes back to school 12 days and a wake up <BR> <BR> this cooking in a microwave is driving me nuts; I want some baked chicken and roasted veggies <BR> <BR> I restarted my ... Wed, 12 Aug 2015 22:06:12 EST 39 of 90 I do believe that I have AADD <BR> Adult Attention Deficient Disorder <BR> <BR> I seriously can not stay focused this started a little over 4 yrs ago (shortly after my back surgery) and its getting worse <BR> I find it so hard to stay focused or to stay on track with anything that I'm working on or should I say trying to work on <BR> I lose track of my thoughts and I need to b doing more then one thing at a time <BR> <BR> well just some rambling <BR> <BR> I'm waiting for my niece and her ... Mon, 10 Aug 2015 22:50:01 EST 38 of 90 sometimes I'm not sure why I even keep writing these blogs <BR> but I did make a commitment to myself to write 90 blogs and I'm doing it <BR> <BR> we've been in our new home 1 week today <BR> I love this place it's cozy although negative ppl prefer to call it small <BR> <BR> still working on unpacking its not easy trying to figure out where to put things <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless <BR> Sat, 8 Aug 2015 22:53:47 EST 37 of 90 Battling depression is not an easy thing <BR> sometimes it just comes on for no reason <BR> this time its kind of weird <BR> it's not that I'm depressed well at least not the way I'm use to <BR> I'm just drained and feeling empty <BR> don't wanna do anything <BR> I've so much to do but no energy to do anything <BR> trying so hard to keep a positive outlook <BR> but . . . <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless Fri, 7 Aug 2015 22:23:33 EST 36 of 90 another nothing day <BR> spent most of the day resting <BR> in alot of pain and feeling drained <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless Thu, 6 Aug 2015 21:32:52 EST 35 of 90 gonna have to take a break from unpacking it just hurts sooo much <BR> <BR> Prayerfully my insurance issues are fixed soon <BR> <BR> we will be microwaving food for at least a mth as this trailer has a gas stove and the tank is not only empty but not even hooked up and we didnt figure this into our finances for this mth <BR> <BR> another short blog as it hurts to type these days <BR> <BR> good day and God Bless Wed, 5 Aug 2015 10:02:29 EST 34 of 90 Not much to say this evening <BR> In alot of pain; so not doing much of anything <BR> This move has taken alot out of me mentally and physically <BR> Spiritually I'm in a truly Blessed place <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless Mon, 3 Aug 2015 22:06:15 EST 33 of 90 we moved yesterday so I'm a day behind on my blogging <BR> <BR> I was Blessed to have several members of my church show up to help <BR> <BR> it only took them a little over an hr to move everything from one place to the other <BR> <BR> gonna rest today then onto the unpacking Sun, 2 Aug 2015 18:10:41 EST 32 of 90 Today is our last day here. I thought that I would feel at least a little sad; but no not at all. I'm just looking forward to another chapter. Still got to finish packing up the little odds and ends; just in so much pain that its hard to do anything right now. <BR> This move has really taken alot more of me then I thought; but by the grace of God it's almost over. <BR> <BR> This is a short one today its getting harder and harder type with the pain <BR> <BR> Good day and God Bless Fri, 31 Jul 2015 07:39:39 EST 31 of 90 Went and did the walk thru of the new place; took Lala to see it <BR> <BR> She is nervous about moving where she doesn't know anyone; told her she didnt know anyone when we moved here <BR> <BR> Got help scheduled for 9am on Saturday; God willing it will b a really quick move <BR> <BR> I'm so excited about moving and starting to refocus myself <BR> <BR> God Bless and good night Thu, 30 Jul 2015 20:46:00 EST 30 of 90 Well I did 30 of 90 and this means that I made it 1/3 of the way thru my blog goal <BR> Hubby signed the lease today; will pick up the keys on Friday <BR> I'm so so so looking forward to the next chapter <BR> There is only odds and ends left to pack; this is the annoying part <BR> <BR> Thats it for this blog I'm tired so heading to bed early tonight Wed, 29 Jul 2015 22:21:33 EST 29 of 90 This is our last Tuesday here; thanks be to God <BR> Tomorrow hubby will go tomorrow take the rest of the deposit sign the lease and get the keys <BR> As it is now thru the grace of God we are moving Saturday morning; with the help from several members of my ward <BR> my Lala has mixed feelings about moving but at 10 she will adjust quickly <BR> hubby is so looking forward to it as its at least half of the bike ride he takes now <BR> I'm looking forward to leaving negativity energy behind fro... Tue, 28 Jul 2015 20:46:12 EST 28 of 90 Took the day off today <BR> did some light packing this morning then went to a friends for a PLL season 6 marathon <BR> Lala played with my friends 2 boys in the pool; didnt hear a peep out of them for over 2 hrs fed them then right back outside for them <BR> <BR> tomorrow I will b back to finishing up the packing; I could have been done by now but been in alot of pain so that means lots of breaks <BR> <BR> good night and God Bless <BR> Mon, 27 Jul 2015 21:57:22 EST 27 of 90 TODAY IS THE DAY THAT THE LORD HAS GIVEN LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT <BR> <BR> Titus 2 - Teach godliness to men and women <BR> <BR> Romans 12:16 – Live in harmony with one another <BR> <BR> Galatians 6:2 – Bear one another’s burdens <BR> <BR> Colossians 3:13 – Bear with each other and forgive one another <BR> <BR> Hebrews 10:24 – Stir up one another to love and good deeds <BR> <BR> James 5:9 – Don’t bear grudges against one another <BR> <BR> 1 Peter 4:9 – Offer hos... Sun, 26 Jul 2015 19:32:10 EST 26 of 90 Using my 5 senses for dealing with my anxiety; from least effect to most for me <BR> <BR> 1. TASTE – popping a butterscotch candy in my mouth; something about that flavor <BR> 2. SMELL - using a favorite perfume or deodorant that has a calming type smell <BR> 3. HEAR - it's easier for me to go places when I can listen to my scriptures or music <BR> 4. SEE - for me when I feel an attack coming on in a store – I need to see the person that I'm w <BR> 5. TOUCH – this is what works best f... Sat, 25 Jul 2015 21:49:36 EST 25 of 90 Packing packing packing <BR> this is my life these days but its getting done <BR> by doing the packing this week <BR> I will rest next week <BR> then we move <BR> then I will have a week of packing <BR> <BR> may everyone have a Blessed day Fri, 24 Jul 2015 11:05:19 EST 24 of 90 Wednesday <BR> <BR> Feeling motivated; I'm walking everyday. Its a really short distance but I'm leaving the house and walking. I havent weighed myself yet though. <BR> Got to see the new place yesterday; I'm loving it. The trailer I live in now is more like a long apt but the trailer we are moving into is more like a trailer that I'm use to seeing. I'm good with it; the bedrooms are much smaller then here but that means I've got to keep things organized. Hubby is taking the small room which... Thu, 23 Jul 2015 09:01:13 EST 23 of 90 Tuesday <BR> <BR> The living room is completely packed, now to finish the kitchen <BR> Don't know what but I have bites on my legs and one arm from cleaning out a storage area. <BR> Still have to go out down the security deposit to secure the place but feeling good about it <BR> <BR> <BR> My mouth is really been bothering me lately but it's the gum where there is no teeth, really now <BR> <BR> I finally let my Lala get extensions in her hair, she is so funny. She walks around whipping her... Wed, 22 Jul 2015 07:23:31 EST 22 of 90 Yesterday was a pretty day. <BR> I started walking outside again instead of around the house <BR> Got alot of packing done. was Blessed to have people give me boxes and papers. <BR> We got a call that as long as my hubby puts the partial deposit down before anyone is trys to get the place its ours. he is go Wednesday morning. <BR> <BR> I'm finding myself much more focused on my goals of getting more active <BR> <BR> Have a Blessed day <BR> Tue, 21 Jul 2015 09:08:44 EST