MAGA99's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=MAGA99 MAGA99's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 5 of 90 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5955117 Thursday; day 5 <BR> <BR> <em>248</em> Fri, 3 Jul 2015 22:19:31 EST 4 of 90 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5954206 day 4 <BR> <BR> sparking daily -- getting more involved <BR> exercising -- actually walked to the mailbox and back <BR> blogging -- <em>248</em> <BR> measuring food <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> had another mri of my cervical spine down this evening to see how much its changed in 2 years can we say major panic attack <BR> <BR> feeling lonely is not about alone <BR> <BR> Wed, 1 Jul 2015 23:42:44 EST 3 of 90 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5952910 today is day 3 <BR> <BR> my bronchitis is getting worse instead of better so no exercise today <BR> but I've done some strength training <BR> I did a little sparking <BR> I'm blogging now <BR> and I'm trying to get on the food thing (harder to get back to then I thought it would) <BR> <BR> last night while I was tracking my food <BR> my darling husband had the nerve to ask me if I was gonna keep to it <BR> this hurt so much cause I've lot weight before on sparks <BR> the only time I faile... Mon, 29 Jun 2015 17:30:41 EST 2 of 90 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5952387 today is day 2 <BR> since its Sunday so no exercise <BR> but this being said <BR> I did spark <BR> I'm blogging <BR> and I'm working on the food thing <BR> <BR> now to keep it going <BR> Sun, 28 Jun 2015 20:52:00 EST 3 mths (1 of 90) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5951912 I'm finally fully recovered from my surgery in February. <BR> I'm also at my highest weight EVER. <BR> So I've decided that I'm gonna do 3 mth challenges. <BR> My first challenge is to get into a routine. <BR> I've decided to give myself 3 mths, cause I've a few things to get into a routine of. <BR> sparking daily -- exercising --blogging -- measuring food <BR> I figure I focus one 1 thing at a time, if the other things fall in place at the same time awesome but if not its okay cause ... Sat, 27 Jun 2015 18:34:09 EST Why am I still here http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5896092 I seen another blog entitled this and it got me thinking <BR> <BR> Why am I still here or in my case Why did I come back? <BR> <BR> 1. I need the support that I get here on sparks <BR> 2. the friendships <BR> 3. recipes <BR> 4. Accountability <BR> 5. it works <BR> 6. information Thu, 19 Mar 2015 19:07:40 EST Learning http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5894214 I've come to the realization that learning never stops. <BR> As I'm rereading the Bible its as if I'm reading it for the first time and learning <BR> The more test I have done the more I learn about my defencies and why it takes so long for me to heal <BR> The more I deal with ppl the more I learn why I love my solitude <BR> Learning can never stop for when we stop learning then there is nothing left to live Mon, 16 Mar 2015 21:06:53 EST Migraine http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5893063 I've been suffering from lots of migraines lately <BR> <BR> I know it stems from issues with my cervical spine <BR> <BR> lots of sleepness nights Sat, 14 Mar 2015 22:55:02 EST Feeling Run Down http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5891947 been feeling little run down these past few days <BR> but working on my strengthening program <BR> <BR> eating is still an issue as I find myself binge eating <BR> my depression seems to trigger the binging <BR> <BR> everyday is a new day and thanks to my trials and tribulations <BR> i know that I am truly Blessed Thu, 12 Mar 2015 21:52:26 EST Not Cancerous http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5890645 Praise b God. I can not thank him or praise him enough. <BR> <BR> 3 1/2 weeks ago, I had surgery. I had a cyst removed from my left ovary. <BR> I was suppose to have 4 button holes but instead had 3 button holes and a 2 1/2 inch incision. I've been really stressing about this. Today I went and seen the dr who did the surgery. I was informed that although the cyst was the size of an orange; it was NOT cancerous. I am breathing such a sigh of relief. <BR> <BR> All I can do is keep thanki... Tue, 10 Mar 2015 18:28:43 EST Bicycle ride http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5889524 Tonight was the first time I've ridden my bike since sometime last year. <BR> I know it was at least over 6 mths ago. <BR> Its a little hard getting on the bike, <BR> I had to lay it on the ground, <BR> hold onto the railing and step over the bike. <BR> Then I used my cane to pull the bike up. <BR> But once I started riding that bike <BR> It was like I never stopped. <BR> <BR> I'm sore as sin now <BR> and I know that tomorrow <BR> my legs will b yelling at me <BR> but this is so worth i... Sun, 8 Mar 2015 22:41:40 EST 5 things that I love about myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5888427 5 things I love about myself <BR> <BR> 1. I have a testimony of my Lord and savior <BR> 2. my family is a priority in my life <BR> 3. my compassion and empathy for others <BR> 4. adapts easy <BR> 5. willing to try new things <BR> Fri, 6 Mar 2015 23:53:44 EST Up & Down http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5887819 still going thru my old writings <BR> this describes not just my moods but my weight <BR> although I do feel that this is my usual mood <BR> its also my weight story <BR> <BR> UP & DOWN 7/3/13 <BR> up and down - - - upside down  <BR> balloons float away  <BR> worms dig deeper deeper  <BR> up and down - - - upside down  <BR> the sun is bright  <BR> then the darkness overcomes  <BR> up and down - - - upside down  Thu, 5 Mar 2015 22:42:16 EST Trying To http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5887200 I wrote this last year but it does describe how I feel alot of the time <BR> <BR> TRYING TO <BR> <BR> Runaway <BR> but what am I running from <BR> <BR> Stress <BR> it is the life I do not want <BR> <BR> Escape <BR> yet I am my own prisoner <BR> <BR> Stress <BR> I can not control it <BR> <BR> Runaway <BR> if only it really was that easy <BR> <BR> Escape <BR> my mind holds tight to things <BR> <BR> Stress <BR> over thinking is what I am doing <BR> <BR> Escape <BR> but can you ever fro... Wed, 4 Mar 2015 23:02:19 EST Gluten Sensitive http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5886427 A little over a year I found out that I was gluten sensitive. For A while I was doing great. Then I'm not sure even what happened, at first there were the occasional slip ups then I was back to my bad stomach. Now I've put back on the weight that I lost when I first went gluten free. So prayerfully as I reeducate myself I will start losing the weight again. <BR> <em>532</em> <BR> May I be able to find some peace w with my eating habits Tue, 3 Mar 2015 19:12:50 EST I think I can http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5885892 I think I can <BR> I think I can <BR> I think I can <BR> I think I can <BR> <BR> I know I can Mon, 2 Mar 2015 22:56:24 EST where to start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5885118 decided where to start <BR> I still drink my 8 cups of water a day <BR> not ready to start tracking food yet <BR> so I'm gonna start with walking everyday; yes it will b with y walker but at least Ill be doing something Sun, 1 Mar 2015 22:06:47 EST not easy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884495 I didn't think that it would be so hard to restart. Just cant seem to get into a routine. I'm recovering from surgery ( 2 wks ago I had a cyst removed from my ovary ) There has been a few complications but I'm slowly healing. <BR> <BR> So wish me luck Sat, 28 Feb 2015 22:07:10 EST I'm Back http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876990 I've decided to give sparkpeople another try. <BR> <BR> <BR> I took a break last May didn't expect it to last so long but that's life. <BR> <BR> <BR> My newest granddaughter Serina; my little taco <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/6/l1646347287.jpg"> Mon, 16 Feb 2015 19:57:26 EST Spark Break http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5701685 I've decided that tomorrow is gonna b my last day on sparks for a while. I'm going to try to come on Spark every Saturday to update my exercise and maybe write a quick blog. <BR> <BR> I'm just having a really hard time of things lately and just feel a disconnect form everybody and everything. <BR> <BR> I appreciate each and everyone of you. I feel very Blessed with the ppl that I've had the pleasure to communicate with on here Fri, 23 May 2014 20:14:38 EST What Have I Done http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5694439 About 3 wks ago my daughter informed me that she is getting married on May 23rd. I know she was planning something for August. My 1st question was are you pregnant (her youngest will b 1 in June); she said no. They just decided to move it up to his birthday since they are just going to the Magistrate. <BR> <BR> When will I learn to just keep my mouth shut. I am now throwing her a bbq reception that evening. I dont have any extra money so what was I thinking. Hubby did finally start working... Tue, 13 May 2014 21:21:59 EST Apex Temple http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5692759 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2043200516.jpg"> <BR> Yesterday I went to the Temple in Apex, NC. It was a long trip with my back hurting so bad. But I refused to miss the trip. I wasnt able to participate in the baptism or confirmation for the dead. But I was able to watch and feel the spirit. I am so looking forward to being able to do the work for my mother and my grandmothers. <BR> Sun, 11 May 2014 18:05:45 EST May Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5692246 I never got around to setting goals for May so I'm just try to continue what I've been doing <BR> <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> not to good lately <BR> <BR> - work on my garden <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> or see the trainer <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - walk every evening (or morning) <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - track my food <B... Sat, 10 May 2014 22:09:03 EST April Wrap UP http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5683829 Over all for the month of April I actually did pretty good. <BR> I even lost another 5 lbs. <BR> I really think that this time I am really gonna keep it off. I am doing little changes instead of a bunch of big ones all at one time. I seen my PNP yesterday and am just waiting for Walmart to call that my meds are ready. So prayerfully that means sleep is on the horizon <BR> <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - start my plants (not quite rea... Wed, 30 Apr 2014 09:29:13 EST wk 4 of April http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5680932 - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> did better then last wk <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> planted more seeds for my little garden: <BR> spinach; lettuce; cucumber; habenaro; mixed peppers <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> this week I started to clean out my walk in closet to turn it into a craft closet & I planted flower seeds <BR> emoticon <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> <em>24</em> that ... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:51:25 EST Reflect / wk 2 of Stress Busting Challenge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5678699 I joined the OFFICIAL STRESS BUSTING CHALLENGE. This is week 2 for me. We were 2 pick out of 7 suggested stress busting activities. The 2 that I choose for me were writing and a hot bath. <BR> <BR> When I'm to the point that I've snapped or am about to I try to go soak in the tub. I have a soaker tub and I will lay there and read a book or listen to some body soul music. I even bought bubble bath that the smell just relaxes you. <BR> <BR> When I've been simmering w stress or after the stres... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 12:46:43 EST 3rd wk of April http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675927 - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> didnt do too good w it this wk <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> 1 is almost ready to transplant I had to restart the others Grumpy knocked down the tray w his wheelchair <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> emoticon <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> did the trainer instead of a class <BR> <BR> - walk every evening <BR> missed 2 nights due to rain but made them up t... Sat, 19 Apr 2014 20:34:09 EST Off Track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5674313 I got off track AGAIN. <BR> <em>230</em> <BR> So once again I will b trying 2 refocus on my goals. I was doing really good with tracking food even when I was over my calories. I have basically slipped on most of my goals. Not to make an excuse but I know exactly when it happened. <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> The other day Grumpy (my dad) had some type of seizure or mini strokes and even stopped breathing for like 30 seconds. He is ok but has to b in the hosp for a few days. When he comes ... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 11:26:37 EST Mini Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5672186 My Goals are to do the following everyday <BR> <BR> 1 - read my scriptures <BR> 2 - take a walk / bike ride <BR> 3 - spend time on my crafts <BR> 4 - do something w hubby <BR> 5 - write & complete a to do list Mon, 14 Apr 2014 16:50:17 EST Wk 2 of April http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5670077 - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>198</em> not good <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> not ready to be transplanted yet still not ready <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> finished a few and starting more <BR> <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> didnt make it to the gym @ all this week <BR> Aunt FLo just wouldnt let me out of the house <BR> <BR> - walk every evening <BR> missed 2 days <BR> <... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 21:13:07 EST Turtle http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5665892 I'm a little bummed my little turtle nite nite passed on last week. <BR> He was just over a year old. He was my sounding board <BR> I know I sound crazy but I talked to him every morning to get started. <BR> <BR> <em>134</em> <em>146</em> <em>220</em> <BR> <BR> IN MEMORY OF NITE-NITE <BR> <BR> I was sitting there thinking <BR> I really do wish that I was a turtle. <BR> They can can go for long periods of time w/o eating. <BR> <BR> They take life at their own pace. <BR> N... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 18:40:38 EST 1st Wk of April http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5664248 - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> been hard this week but did <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> not ready to be transplanted yet <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> even started a new one (pics to come) <BR> <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> instead of a class this wk I seen the trainer <BR> <BR> - walk every evening <BR> w/o fail rain or shine <BR> <BR> - track my food <BR> everyday <BR> <em>2... Fri, 4 Apr 2014 11:21:32 EST April Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5660934 my goals for April are <BR> <em>249</em> <BR> to continue w March Goals <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> <em>376</em> <BR> My new goals are <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> - walk every evening <BR> - track my food <BR> <em>342</em> <BR> I am working on mini achievable goals. <BR> <em>52</em> Mon, 31 Mar 2014 14:14:28 EST Last Week of March http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5659627 My goals for March were simple and <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> work on a few projects around the house. <BR> <em>248</em> Sat, 29 Mar 2014 22:23:09 EST Bitter Sweet http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5656462 In about 3 months my LaLa will b moving in with her mother (my daughter). <BR> The thought of it is killing me but I know its best. Reunification. she will b with her other 2 sisters. She is seeing a counselor to help with the transition. <BR> My only thing was we have to wait until the end of the school year. As much as I love my LaLa I know this is best. My health isn't good and taking care of Grumpy takes a lot of me. Prayerfully hubby will b working soon (God willing). <BR> Well is w... Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:24:38 EST Another Wk Down http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654161 Well its been a stressful week; but I am down another 9 lbs. <BR> That is 19 lbs this year so far. <BR> <BR> Both my eating and my exercise has continued to improve <BR> <BR> Today was my baptism and tomorrow is my confirmation. <BR> I will write more about that tomorrow. <BR> <BR> The weather has been glorious but <BR> Monday & Tuesday it will b 52 degrees <BR> <BR> I did c my neuro and I need more blood work <BR> <BR> Well I guess thats my update <BR> I pray that all my spark friends... Sat, 22 Mar 2014 21:01:04 EST weekly update 3/15/14 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5648674 It's been a rough week for my eating but not as bad as it could have been. <BR> <BR> Hubby has been up in Jersey all week an thankfully he will be home tomorrow. I pulled my shoulder lifting up Grumpy (my father) he fell in the bathroom. I had only left him for a second to put the wheelchair in his room so that I could help him get him from a chair to the shower chair. <BR> <BR> My LaLa's (granddaughter I m raising) water Blessing God-father was visiting for the week. The thing that ppl ... Sat, 15 Mar 2014 20:49:05 EST March Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5639670 Well my goals for March are quite simple <BR> to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>521</em> <BR> I am also starting my tomato and pepper plants <BR> <em>376</em> <BR> <BR> I've also started a few projects around the house. <BR> <BR> I went thrift shopping today (one of my favorite things to do). I am Blessed to say that I got Sunday Clothes (2 skirts, 1 shirt, 1 skirt set, 1 dress, 2 purses) and I only spent like $25.00. Which is a bargain especially for BIG GIRL CLO... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 15:58:42 EST Crash & Burn http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5636228 This is how I feel lately. My life has crashed and burned. Yes I guess I have been pretty much throwing myself a pity party. It was a rough few weeks. Then all in 1 day 3 things went seriously wrong. <BR> <BR> 1. my daughter and 2 of her girls moved out (the oldest LaLa we have custody of so she is NOT going any where). <BR> It started a few wks ago when I wouldn't watch her middle child so she could go out yet again all night. I just felt that she needed to respect enough to not wait till ... Fri, 28 Feb 2014 16:00:55 EST Awesome Quote http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5633481 <em>39</em> <BR> "It doesn't matter what happens to you. <BR> What matters is, <BR> what are you going to do about it? <BR> Are you going to complain and shrink <BR> or are you going to <BR> step into your greatness?" <BR> <BR> -- Robert Tew <BR> <em>306</em> <BR> I just read this quote on another sparkers blog. It really touched me; especially as I am going thru a very difficult time at the moment. ( that blog is coming later I get emotional about it) This quote reminds me of ... Tue, 25 Feb 2014 13:22:08 EST Day 1 & 2 of 90 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5627843 Today is day 2 and I'm feeling it BUT it feels great. <BR> <em>249</em> <BR> The family is also participating. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> Hubby and LaLa each have walked with me; its fun. <BR> <em>342</em> <BR> Each of the walks were with the dog. <BR> <em>338</em> <BR> For aerobics yesterday I did a bike ride. <BR> <em>217</em> <BR> Today for lower body I did squats; lunges and leg lifts. <BR> <em>417</em> <BR> I honestly believe that its gonna be easier for me to stay focu... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 23:36:24 EST 90 Day Program http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5627835 I have yet again restart my healthy lifestyle. I've decided to jump start my program with a 90 schedule. It's the same program I used last year when I dropped my weight. I will only be weighing in once a mth. I will also be doing a fitness test mthly to see if I'm improving any. <BR> <BR> Mon - -15 min easy walk - - - 20 to 30 min aerobic exercise <BR> Tues - - 15 min brisk walk - - lower body strength training <BR> Wed - -- 20 min easy walk - - 20 to 30 min aerobic exercise <BR> Thur - - o... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 23:23:09 EST F H E http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5626653 I'm studying to be baptised as a Mormon. <BR> <em>521</em> <BR> I am so intrigued by so many things; especially their focus on FAMILY. Something that is recommended is to have 1 night a week (usually Monday) to have a family home evening. I love this idea. It's the family doing some type of spiritual activity together. Tonight is gonna be our first Family Home Evening. <BR> <em>422</em> <BR> The plan tonight is to focus on family. We will sing songs about family. work a little on our... Mon, 17 Feb 2014 17:03:58 EST Getting Back on Track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5620748 Today I was made to realize . . . I gained back my weight plus some; My asthma is back to the point where I need to use the inhaler daily. My energy has been on the minus side. My eating is almost back on track. Today I may have overdone it but it felt great to get out and exercise. I had to use the nebulizer and take breaks during my bike ride. <BR> <em>332</em> <BR> today I rode my bike to the gym 1.3 miles <BR> sat in dry sauna for 10 minutes <BR> <em>324</em> <BR> did 30 mins on t... Mon, 10 Feb 2014 20:17:44 EST February Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5618158 My goals for February are gonna be about getting things done: <BR> <BR> 1 plan out and prep for meals ahead of time <BR> <BR> 2 make arrangement's for medical transportation <BR> <BR> 3 be in bed with no computer and no tv by 10 @ the latest <BR> <BR> 4 continue to replace @ least 1 meal a day w/ a shake <BR> <BR> 5 make list of things that need to be done each week/day Fri, 7 Feb 2014 20:54:57 EST January Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5617222 January is over and February has begun. I will be 46 this month; kind of depressed me. I'm almost 50; yea I know thats not really old. <BR> <em>144</em> <BR> I just think of my dad and his health he is 69 and can barely feed himself. We have been his caregivers for almost 6 years and the ten years prior to that he was in and out of the hospital. I dont want to be like that; dependant on others for everything. <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> Been doing pretty good with my eating (not having mone... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 19:24:41 EST Feeling Better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5612517 My depression is finally starting to subside some. <BR> The key for me has been SPIRITUALITY. <BR> <BR> I've found myself to be spiritually full filled thru some studying. Only my husband and 2 friends get it. Most people think I'm nuts. I've been doing meetings with Mormons LDS and attending church. <BR> <BR> I haven't felt this way in so long time. Spiritually filled and it lifts me up emotionally and mentally which them helps me to be more physical. <BR> <BR> I HAVEN'T BEEN JUST LAY... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 21:54:58 EST Rough Week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5603698 these last 7 days have been rough <BR> <BR> the same day Drea my 7 mth granddaughter had to go to the hosp for the flu; grumpy (my father) had to go to the er it looked like he was having another stroke but they think it was a seizure <BR> <BR> then the flu ran down thru all of us I still have it <BR> <BR> then grumpy comes homes and the next day blood clots are coming out of a sore on his foot; we're told not to worry about it cause its cleansing itself naturally <BR> <BR> I havent wante... Thu, 23 Jan 2014 19:32:56 EST yeah another one http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5600702 Runaway Runaway <BR> but what am I running from <BR> <BR> Stress Stress <BR> it is the life I do not want <BR> <BR> Escape Escape <BR> yet I am my own prisoner <BR> <BR> Stress Stress <BR> I can not control it <BR> <BR> Runaway Runaway <BR> if only it really was that easy <BR> <BR> Escape Escape <BR> my mind holds tight to things <BR> <BR> Stress Stress <BR> over thinking is what I am doing <BR> <BR> Escape Escape <BR> but can you ever from yourself <BR> <BR> Runaway Runaway <BR> tod... Mon, 20 Jan 2014 23:15:03 EST Void http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5598427 I know that this is a depressing poem <BR> but it is part of my therapy to write <BR> especially when I am going thru <BR> one of my as I call them EPISODES <BR> <BR> My Haiku The Void <BR> This is how I feel lately <BR> <BR> Am I just a void <BR> Just like an empty black hole <BR> <BR> Except for sadness <BR> The is nothing to hold to <BR> <BR> The wind could blow through <BR> Disappearing with the night <BR> <BR> No not one twinkle <BR> To show the bright sparkling stars <BR> <BR> I... Sat, 18 Jan 2014 21:55:55 EST