MAGA99's SparkPeople Blog MAGA99's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Spark Break I've decided that tomorrow is gonna b my last day on sparks for a while. I'm going to try to come on Spark every Saturday to update my exercise and maybe write a quick blog. <BR> <BR> I'm just having a really hard time of things lately and just feel a disconnect form everybody and everything. <BR> <BR> I appreciate each and everyone of you. I feel very Blessed with the ppl that I've had the pleasure to communicate with on here Fri, 23 May 2014 20:14:38 EST What Have I Done About 3 wks ago my daughter informed me that she is getting married on May 23rd. I know she was planning something for August. My 1st question was are you pregnant (her youngest will b 1 in June); she said no. They just decided to move it up to his birthday since they are just going to the Magistrate. <BR> <BR> When will I learn to just keep my mouth shut. I am now throwing her a bbq reception that evening. I dont have any extra money so what was I thinking. Hubby did finally start working... Tue, 13 May 2014 21:21:59 EST Apex Temple <img src=""> <BR> Yesterday I went to the Temple in Apex, NC. It was a long trip with my back hurting so bad. But I refused to miss the trip. I wasnt able to participate in the baptism or confirmation for the dead. But I was able to watch and feel the spirit. I am so looking forward to being able to do the work for my mother and my grandmothers. <BR> Sun, 11 May 2014 18:05:45 EST May Goals I never got around to setting goals for May so I'm just try to continue what I've been doing <BR> <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> not to good lately <BR> <BR> - work on my garden <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> or see the trainer <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - walk every evening (or morning) <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - track my food <B... Sat, 10 May 2014 22:09:03 EST April Wrap UP Over all for the month of April I actually did pretty good. <BR> I even lost another 5 lbs. <BR> I really think that this time I am really gonna keep it off. I am doing little changes instead of a bunch of big ones all at one time. I seen my PNP yesterday and am just waiting for Walmart to call that my meds are ready. So prayerfully that means sleep is on the horizon <BR> <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> - start my plants (not quite rea... Wed, 30 Apr 2014 09:29:13 EST wk 4 of April - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> did better then last wk <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> planted more seeds for my little garden: <BR> spinach; lettuce; cucumber; habenaro; mixed peppers <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> this week I started to clean out my walk in closet to turn it into a craft closet & I planted flower seeds <BR> emoticon <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> <em>24</em> that ... Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:51:25 EST Reflect / wk 2 of Stress Busting Challenge I joined the OFFICIAL STRESS BUSTING CHALLENGE. This is week 2 for me. We were 2 pick out of 7 suggested stress busting activities. The 2 that I choose for me were writing and a hot bath. <BR> <BR> When I'm to the point that I've snapped or am about to I try to go soak in the tub. I have a soaker tub and I will lay there and read a book or listen to some body soul music. I even bought bubble bath that the smell just relaxes you. <BR> <BR> When I've been simmering w stress or after the stres... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 12:46:43 EST 3rd wk of April - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> didnt do too good w it this wk <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> 1 is almost ready to transplant I had to restart the others Grumpy knocked down the tray w his wheelchair <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> emoticon <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> did the trainer instead of a class <BR> <BR> - walk every evening <BR> missed 2 nights due to rain but made them up t... Sat, 19 Apr 2014 20:34:09 EST Off Track I got off track AGAIN. <BR> <em>230</em> <BR> So once again I will b trying 2 refocus on my goals. I was doing really good with tracking food even when I was over my calories. I have basically slipped on most of my goals. Not to make an excuse but I know exactly when it happened. <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> The other day Grumpy (my dad) had some type of seizure or mini strokes and even stopped breathing for like 30 seconds. He is ok but has to b in the hosp for a few days. When he comes ... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 11:26:37 EST Mini Goals My Goals are to do the following everyday <BR> <BR> 1 - read my scriptures <BR> 2 - take a walk / bike ride <BR> 3 - spend time on my crafts <BR> 4 - do something w hubby <BR> 5 - write & complete a to do list Mon, 14 Apr 2014 16:50:17 EST Wk 2 of April - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>198</em> not good <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> not ready to be transplanted yet still not ready <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> finished a few and starting more <BR> <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> didnt make it to the gym @ all this week <BR> Aunt FLo just wouldnt let me out of the house <BR> <BR> - walk every evening <BR> missed 2 days <BR> <... Fri, 11 Apr 2014 21:13:07 EST Turtle I'm a little bummed my little turtle nite nite passed on last week. <BR> He was just over a year old. He was my sounding board <BR> I know I sound crazy but I talked to him every morning to get started. <BR> <BR> <em>134</em> <em>146</em> <em>220</em> <BR> <BR> IN MEMORY OF NITE-NITE <BR> <BR> I was sitting there thinking <BR> I really do wish that I was a turtle. <BR> They can can go for long periods of time w/o eating. <BR> <BR> They take life at their own pace. <BR> N... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 18:40:38 EST 1st Wk of April - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> been hard this week but did <BR> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> not ready to be transplanted yet <BR> <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> even started a new one (pics to come) <BR> <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> instead of a class this wk I seen the trainer <BR> <BR> - walk every evening <BR> w/o fail rain or shine <BR> <BR> - track my food <BR> everyday <BR> <em>2... Fri, 4 Apr 2014 11:21:32 EST April Goals my goals for April are <BR> <em>249</em> <BR> to continue w March Goals <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants (transplant them) <BR> - work on a few projects around the house. <BR> <em>376</em> <BR> My new goals are <BR> - go to @ least 1 class a wk @ the gym <BR> - walk every evening <BR> - track my food <BR> <em>342</em> <BR> I am working on mini achievable goals. <BR> <em>52</em> Mon, 31 Mar 2014 14:14:28 EST Last Week of March My goals for March were simple and <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> - to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> - start my tomato and pepper plants <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> work on a few projects around the house. <BR> <em>248</em> Sat, 29 Mar 2014 22:23:09 EST Bitter Sweet In about 3 months my LaLa will b moving in with her mother (my daughter). <BR> The thought of it is killing me but I know its best. Reunification. she will b with her other 2 sisters. She is seeing a counselor to help with the transition. <BR> My only thing was we have to wait until the end of the school year. As much as I love my LaLa I know this is best. My health isn't good and taking care of Grumpy takes a lot of me. Prayerfully hubby will b working soon (God willing). <BR> Well is w... Tue, 25 Mar 2014 19:24:38 EST Another Wk Down Well its been a stressful week; but I am down another 9 lbs. <BR> That is 19 lbs this year so far. <BR> <BR> Both my eating and my exercise has continued to improve <BR> <BR> Today was my baptism and tomorrow is my confirmation. <BR> I will write more about that tomorrow. <BR> <BR> The weather has been glorious but <BR> Monday & Tuesday it will b 52 degrees <BR> <BR> I did c my neuro and I need more blood work <BR> <BR> Well I guess thats my update <BR> I pray that all my spark friends... Sat, 22 Mar 2014 21:01:04 EST weekly update 3/15/14 It's been a rough week for my eating but not as bad as it could have been. <BR> <BR> Hubby has been up in Jersey all week an thankfully he will be home tomorrow. I pulled my shoulder lifting up Grumpy (my father) he fell in the bathroom. I had only left him for a second to put the wheelchair in his room so that I could help him get him from a chair to the shower chair. <BR> <BR> My LaLa's (granddaughter I m raising) water Blessing God-father was visiting for the week. The thing that ppl ... Sat, 15 Mar 2014 20:49:05 EST March Goals Well my goals for March are quite simple <BR> to just try to stay focused and on track. <BR> <em>521</em> <BR> I am also starting my tomato and pepper plants <BR> <em>376</em> <BR> <BR> I've also started a few projects around the house. <BR> <BR> I went thrift shopping today (one of my favorite things to do). I am Blessed to say that I got Sunday Clothes (2 skirts, 1 shirt, 1 skirt set, 1 dress, 2 purses) and I only spent like $25.00. Which is a bargain especially for BIG GIRL CLO... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 15:58:42 EST Crash & Burn This is how I feel lately. My life has crashed and burned. Yes I guess I have been pretty much throwing myself a pity party. It was a rough few weeks. Then all in 1 day 3 things went seriously wrong. <BR> <BR> 1. my daughter and 2 of her girls moved out (the oldest LaLa we have custody of so she is NOT going any where). <BR> It started a few wks ago when I wouldn't watch her middle child so she could go out yet again all night. I just felt that she needed to respect enough to not wait till ... Fri, 28 Feb 2014 16:00:55 EST Awesome Quote <em>39</em> <BR> "It doesn't matter what happens to you. <BR> What matters is, <BR> what are you going to do about it? <BR> Are you going to complain and shrink <BR> or are you going to <BR> step into your greatness?" <BR> <BR> -- Robert Tew <BR> <em>306</em> <BR> I just read this quote on another sparkers blog. It really touched me; especially as I am going thru a very difficult time at the moment. ( that blog is coming later I get emotional about it) This quote reminds me of ... Tue, 25 Feb 2014 13:22:08 EST Day 1 & 2 of 90 Today is day 2 and I'm feeling it BUT it feels great. <BR> <em>249</em> <BR> The family is also participating. <BR> <em>248</em> <BR> Hubby and LaLa each have walked with me; its fun. <BR> <em>342</em> <BR> Each of the walks were with the dog. <BR> <em>338</em> <BR> For aerobics yesterday I did a bike ride. <BR> <em>217</em> <BR> Today for lower body I did squats; lunges and leg lifts. <BR> <em>417</em> <BR> I honestly believe that its gonna be easier for me to stay focu... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 23:36:24 EST 90 Day Program I have yet again restart my healthy lifestyle. I've decided to jump start my program with a 90 schedule. It's the same program I used last year when I dropped my weight. I will only be weighing in once a mth. I will also be doing a fitness test mthly to see if I'm improving any. <BR> <BR> Mon - -15 min easy walk - - - 20 to 30 min aerobic exercise <BR> Tues - - 15 min brisk walk - - lower body strength training <BR> Wed - -- 20 min easy walk - - 20 to 30 min aerobic exercise <BR> Thur - - o... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 23:23:09 EST F H E I'm studying to be baptised as a Mormon. <BR> <em>521</em> <BR> I am so intrigued by so many things; especially their focus on FAMILY. Something that is recommended is to have 1 night a week (usually Monday) to have a family home evening. I love this idea. It's the family doing some type of spiritual activity together. Tonight is gonna be our first Family Home Evening. <BR> <em>422</em> <BR> The plan tonight is to focus on family. We will sing songs about family. work a little on our... Mon, 17 Feb 2014 17:03:58 EST Getting Back on Track Today I was made to realize . . . I gained back my weight plus some; My asthma is back to the point where I need to use the inhaler daily. My energy has been on the minus side. My eating is almost back on track. Today I may have overdone it but it felt great to get out and exercise. I had to use the nebulizer and take breaks during my bike ride. <BR> <em>332</em> <BR> today I rode my bike to the gym 1.3 miles <BR> sat in dry sauna for 10 minutes <BR> <em>324</em> <BR> did 30 mins on t... Mon, 10 Feb 2014 20:17:44 EST February Goals My goals for February are gonna be about getting things done: <BR> <BR> 1 plan out and prep for meals ahead of time <BR> <BR> 2 make arrangement's for medical transportation <BR> <BR> 3 be in bed with no computer and no tv by 10 @ the latest <BR> <BR> 4 continue to replace @ least 1 meal a day w/ a shake <BR> <BR> 5 make list of things that need to be done each week/day Fri, 7 Feb 2014 20:54:57 EST January Update January is over and February has begun. I will be 46 this month; kind of depressed me. I'm almost 50; yea I know thats not really old. <BR> <em>144</em> <BR> I just think of my dad and his health he is 69 and can barely feed himself. We have been his caregivers for almost 6 years and the ten years prior to that he was in and out of the hospital. I dont want to be like that; dependant on others for everything. <BR> <em>39</em> <BR> Been doing pretty good with my eating (not having mone... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 19:24:41 EST Feeling Better My depression is finally starting to subside some. <BR> The key for me has been SPIRITUALITY. <BR> <BR> I've found myself to be spiritually full filled thru some studying. Only my husband and 2 friends get it. Most people think I'm nuts. I've been doing meetings with Mormons LDS and attending church. <BR> <BR> I haven't felt this way in so long time. Spiritually filled and it lifts me up emotionally and mentally which them helps me to be more physical. <BR> <BR> I HAVEN'T BEEN JUST LAY... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 21:54:58 EST Rough Week these last 7 days have been rough <BR> <BR> the same day Drea my 7 mth granddaughter had to go to the hosp for the flu; grumpy (my father) had to go to the er it looked like he was having another stroke but they think it was a seizure <BR> <BR> then the flu ran down thru all of us I still have it <BR> <BR> then grumpy comes homes and the next day blood clots are coming out of a sore on his foot; we're told not to worry about it cause its cleansing itself naturally <BR> <BR> I havent wante... Thu, 23 Jan 2014 19:32:56 EST yeah another one Runaway Runaway <BR> but what am I running from <BR> <BR> Stress Stress <BR> it is the life I do not want <BR> <BR> Escape Escape <BR> yet I am my own prisoner <BR> <BR> Stress Stress <BR> I can not control it <BR> <BR> Runaway Runaway <BR> if only it really was that easy <BR> <BR> Escape Escape <BR> my mind holds tight to things <BR> <BR> Stress Stress <BR> over thinking is what I am doing <BR> <BR> Escape Escape <BR> but can you ever from yourself <BR> <BR> Runaway Runaway <BR> tod... Mon, 20 Jan 2014 23:15:03 EST Void I know that this is a depressing poem <BR> but it is part of my therapy to write <BR> especially when I am going thru <BR> one of my as I call them EPISODES <BR> <BR> My Haiku The Void <BR> This is how I feel lately <BR> <BR> Am I just a void <BR> Just like an empty black hole <BR> <BR> Except for sadness <BR> The is nothing to hold to <BR> <BR> The wind could blow through <BR> Disappearing with the night <BR> <BR> No not one twinkle <BR> To show the bright sparkling stars <BR> <BR> I... Sat, 18 Jan 2014 21:55:55 EST 10 YEARS :( This breaks my heart to write. <BR> I started 2014 with the heaviest weight that I've been in just over 10 years. I am presently 300 pounds. <BR> <BR> I am so ashamed of myself I did this to me. <BR> <BR> The night time bingeing; the days on end of spending most of the day in bed and eating fast food (which is basically junk food). <BR> <BR> I have already started to change my lifestyle ONCE again. <BR> I am riding my bike again. <BR> I am going to the gym - kind of regular. <BR> NO M... Sat, 11 Jan 2014 23:20:33 EST MEMORIES I just want to avoid the memories; <BR> I don't want to deal with them. <BR> <BR> I am awake so I can avoid them; <BR> I can place my focus on other things. <BR> <BR> I don't want to think about the past; <BR> all the pain the suffering the tears. <BR> <BR> As I sleep the memories haunt me; <BR> I can not control it - the memories. <BR> <BR> I hate that I allowed this to happen; <BR> to allow myself to be such a victim. <BR> <BR> I just won't sleep – it's the only way; <BR> I don't wan... Fri, 20 Dec 2013 21:44:35 EST 116/365 Quote <img src=""> <BR> <BR> after reading this quote I had to ask myself <BR> <BR> WHERE AM I <BR> <BR> unfortunately the answer is NOT in the present <BR> Sat, 14 Dec 2013 19:49:01 EST 115/365 Dec Goals So Far we are almost 2 wks into December <BR> <BR> the following I WILL DO 1X A WEEK MINIMUM <BR> 1. the wii <em>248</em> <BR> 2. ride the bike <em>248</em> <em>248</em> <BR> 3. go to the gym <em>248</em> <BR> 4. go for a walk <em>248</em> <BR> 5. try something new <em>248</em> <em>248</em> <BR> 6. have ME time <em>248</em> <em>248</em> <BR> <BR> 1. I will be doing tomorrow <BR> 2. is so enjoying being back to bike riding <BR> 3. still need another gym visit within the next 2 day... Thu, 12 Dec 2013 19:18:18 EST 114/365 Tracking well I starting tracking my food again <em>249</em> <BR> <em>46</em> WOW have I been going over my calories <BR> but its okay I am once again getting back on track <em>48</em> <BR> <em>67</em> I have decided to look at it as a New Day <BR> which means new beginnings <em>521</em> Thu, 12 Dec 2013 13:18:00 EST 113/365 Now I lay me down to nap <BR> On the door I hope they dont tap <BR> <BR> Thankfully as I am Blessed <BR> May I wake up Rested <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Tue, 10 Dec 2013 16:10:38 EST 112/365 December 1st Day 1 and I meant 1 of my goals I did the wii; I actually did 32 minutes. <BR> My legs are KILLING me now but I did. <BR> <BR> The best part was that my 25 yr old daughter couldnt hang LMAO <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I will being getting picked up @ 7:45 am to go to the gym for a 30 minute workout. <BR> <BR> So I am slowly getting back on track <BR> <BR> wii STARTING STATISTICS <BR> <BR> BMI 48.21 - - - - - weight 282.4 <BR> wii fit age 36 ( - 9 years) <BR> minutes 32 - - - - calories 153 Sun, 1 Dec 2013 22:11:06 EST 111/365 December Goals I am doing very basic obtainable goals to help me get back on track <BR> <BR> the following I WILL DO 1X A WEEK MINIMUM <BR> 1. the wii <BR> 2. ride the bike <BR> 3. go to the gym <BR> 4. go for a walk <BR> 5. try something new <BR> 6. have ME time Sat, 30 Nov 2013 23:04:50 EST 110/365 The Outsider OUTSIDER <BR> <BR> <BR> Why does she always seem to be the one <BR> on the outside <BR> She has the fake smile that makes people <BR> think every thing is okay <BR> <BR> While in the grocery or deparment store <BR> she avoids all the people <BR> She goes to the gym and yes of course <BR> she exercises all my her self <BR> <BR> Why does she always seem to be the one <BR> on the outside <BR> She is loving and understanding but <BR> doesnt seem to connect <BR> <BR> When shes at a friends ... Sat, 16 Nov 2013 22:26:18 EST 109/365 Anniversaries I have been Blessed to have a few a reason <BR> to celebrate this week and a few for next week <BR> <BR> October 31 = 14 yrs of marriage <BR> November 2 = 1 yr of living in North Carolina <BR> November 6 = 2 mths of my daughter (her 2) living with us <BR> November 8 = 5 yrs on Sparkpeople <BR> <BR> It's been a rough time but <BR> we are living a comfortable life for us <BR> <BR> Please keep me in your prayers <BR> my disability hearing was yesterday <BR> and I pray this time I get appro... Sat, 2 Nov 2013 23:15:43 EST 108/365 Adjusting Of no fault of anyones; it is very difficult 4 me 2 adjust 2 my dauhgter & her other 2 children living here with us. And as 4 LaLa I know its rough on her @ times having her mother here. <BR> <BR> My dd gets stuck on the past & the person I was b4 I found peace & proper mental care. Things that would have had me snapping b4 dont bother me these days. <BR> <BR> Although she is a mother of 3 beautiful daughters she is 25 & wants 2 b able 2 hang out w others her age. I guess I should b happy ... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 22:40:54 EST 107/365 Yesterday Well basically I spent yesterday in bed. I got up @ 6:30 got La ready 4 school went 2 the bus stop came home and went back to bed. Hubby woke me up around noon made me eat; I went bac 2 bed. La woke me up when she got home from school & I did home work w her while still laying in bed. got up 4 a few hrs then layed bac down. I was bac in bed going 2 sleep by 10. <BR> <BR> La went 2 bed in her twin size bed w the dog; I went 2 bed in my hosp bed. Well by midnight I had La & the dog in my hos... Wed, 2 Oct 2013 09:02:03 EST 106/365 Recap Well 2day is the last day of September; the mth just flew by. <BR> I didnt do 2 good this mth but its ok. <BR> I still havent given up; I m still here so that is something. <BR> <BR> Every day continues 2 b a struggle but I aint giving up. <BR> <BR> I m basically once again starting over I m back to the weight I was last Dec but @ least I m not bac to where I was this time last yr. <BR> <BR> Trusting in the Lord that things r gonna get better <BR> <BR> Mon, 30 Sep 2013 20:39:41 EST 105/365 October Goals Gonna keep them real simple & prayerfully that means I will stick 2 them <BR> <BR> 1 - ride bike @ least 4x a wk <BR> <BR> 2 - go 2 gym @ least 3x a wk <BR> <BR> 3 - eat a salad or fiber bar @ least 1x a day <BR> <BR> 4 - replace 1 meal a day w a shake <BR> <BR> 5 - to blog every day (even if its only say I had a _____ kind of day Mon, 30 Sep 2013 17:53:04 EST 104/365 this was a mistake so I deleted it Sun, 29 Sep 2013 22:50:24 EST 103/365 2 Blog or Not 2 Blog recently on here some1 said that I was sharing 2 much info about myself n wat I m going thru <BR> <BR> so I've been debating whether 2 continue to blog or 2 switch 2 journal writing the old fashion way <BR> 1 I have no problem w being so open n sharing so much it has really helped me 2 heal some <BR> 2 I dont force any1 2 read my blogs <BR> 3 journal will b difficult as my hand locks when I write 2 much <BR> <BR> due 2 these reasons I m leaning 2wards continuing 2 blog <BR> <BR> any1 want ... Sat, 28 Sep 2013 23:19:48 EST 102/365 Sleep sleep its an evil enemy <BR> <BR> I either want 2 sleep all the time or I dont sleep @ all <BR> <BR> I know part of it has 2 do w the meds <BR> <BR> But it is so irritating cause even when I do sleep <BR> its a toss and turn all night <BR> <BR> my pysch wants me 2 ask my dr 2 do the sleep apnea study thing <BR> soooooooo we will c wat happens w that Thu, 26 Sep 2013 21:51:54 EST 101/365 1st Time today was the 1st time my 25 yr old daughter ever worked out @ a gym. <BR> <em>246</em> <BR> I must admit I did enjoy her discomfort; she still complaining 7 hrs later <BR> <em>314</em> <em>328</em> <em>330</em> <em>316</em> <BR> The good thing is that she is looking 4ward 2 going back tomorrow. <BR> We rode our bikes there did 10 mins on the eliptical; <BR> 30 mins of arms & then rode our bikes home <BR> <em>332</em> Wed, 25 Sep 2013 17:35:47 EST 100/365 Trainer well 2day was my last day w my trainer for a cpl mths. Hubby will b using my time slots 2 work w a male trainer. We just figured until the drs figure out something w my legs n neck that I need 2 ease up on certain things. My trainer is amazing n gave me some things 2 work on @ home & me a few machines @ the gym that would b good 2 help strength the areas I m having the most difficulty with. <BR> <BR> so even though I wont b working w my training 4 the nxt cpl mths I will continue 2 work on ... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 18:06:39 EST