LYNNBELLS's SparkPeople Blog

Eating Woes: Quicksand?

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 11:34:06 EST

It's quicksand, this whole effort of getting myself out of binging cycle. Healing my relationship with food. The harder I try, the more I sink.

Because I feel like there is no answer. I haven't written on here in like 5 months. Mostly because I started thinking it was maybe an aggravater of the problem, and not a tool for the solution. Like it just fueled my compulsion. Counting calories was driving me mad and not working - I just kept eating anyway. But I guess, it's hard to find...

A Note to Self: On Veggies and Cookies

Thu, 6 Dec 2012 23:47:50 EST

Your body, your being, your self. It’s such a gift, an opportunity. Love it. Love yourself. Enjoy yourself.

So eat your chocolate covered strawberries, and kale and fudge, veggies and cookies; drink wine and water, apple cider vinegar and whiskey. Overindulge on almonds. Eat too many slices of rye bread. Consume peanut butter by the spoonful. Indulge, but make sure you enjoy the indulgences. Abstain, but only because you’re full and happy.

And save some for tomorrow.

The "Big" Photo Comparison & (Another!) Post-Binge Commentary

Sun, 25 Nov 2012 17:26:21 EST

Sunday.

Where to start…

It’s the 25th day of this project, and I just weighed myself - 121. Now, I realize it’s a different scale, possibly inaccurate scale (not the one I normally use) and that right now is also the worst time to be considering weighing myself. Anyway, it’s amazing, how consistent I’ve been with writing and keeping my goal in sight, and the last two weeks I’ve made some really wonderful improvements - just to let a train wreck like the last three days ...

Good Feedback, Good Breakfast (Oatmeal, not just the feedback).

Tue, 13 Nov 2012 09:46:46 EST

Tuesday.

Okay, let’s do this.

And by “this,” I mean both get back on track, and write this blog. I’ve been browsing Facebook too long this morning. It’s not even interesting.

Got some good comments on last night's post, one from which I find some particular inspiration.

“You binged like a skinny!” One person wrote me.

Well, after I get over the petty resentment of being referred to as something “other” than skinny (because throughout thi...

Dissecting a Binge

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 22:38:32 EST

Now we're getting to it. Now, I dissect my latest binge.

Binged again. Like 10 minutes ago. I'm still crunching the crumbs of the chocolate-covered pinon beans in my teeth.

But this is good. Several differences in this episode. 1) I'm writing about it. 2) I'm not completely "hate-stuffed." 3) I've stopped because I let my natural reflex that told me No More Food get louder -for once- than the You've Ruined the Day so Go All the Way voice. Usually that doesn't happen unti...

Nov. 12 (a.m.)

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 09:31:16 EST

Monday.

“If you expect perfection (and many of us do), you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and guilt.” // “You CAN get back on track today. Even if you’re moving slowly, you’ll be moving in the right direction!”

I already had the intention of pumping myself to get back on track today, so it felt especially kismit to see this SP article in my inbox this morning, “25 Ways to Get Back on Track Today.” Extra inspiration, felt good.

It shouldn’t be too aw...

Nov. 7 (a.m.)

Wed, 7 Nov 2012 09:33:50 EST

Wednesday.

Things to be happy about this morning include, Staying within 1500 for the 6th day in a row, successfully only indulging in one beer last night, and re-electing Obama!

Denise and I ended up following through on the Tractor plan, and I was able to have just the one beer. I’m out of zero-cal spray butter for stir-fry, so I’ve had to use olive oil twice now (last night and for my overeasy egg this morning) which is a disconcerting calorie splurge every time I do ...

Nov. 1 (a.m.)

Thu, 1 Nov 2012 10:32:05 EST

Day 1 of the Nov. 1 - Dec. 27 Project.

Currently I am… recovering from yet another binge. Yes. It happened. And I let it happen merrily almost - saying it was the Final Time. It had all the great characteristics for a “Final Time” - last day of the month, a holiday, last day before I begin this project.

I can chide myself, but I feel miserable enough physically that I know that’s a waste of time. Now it’s time to act, and move forward.

I’ve been going back and...

Yep. Weight-loss and health maintenance ARE stressing me out.

Mon, 22 Oct 2012 15:28:03 EST

Found this questionnaire in the Spark e-newsletter this morning. The scoring bit was a little fuzzy to me, but I found the act of answering the questions worth documenting.

Q1. I have taken a careful look at my eating and exercise habits, and I have a good idea of what I need to change and how I want to do it.

Answer: I do know what I’m doing wrong. But I get so frustrated in those moments when I’m unable to recover from the overwhelming compulsion to indulge in those wr...

Bundt Cake Fails and Four 8-minute Miles

Thu, 27 Sep 2012 10:28:56 EST

Yesterday was OK. I'm getting better at not feeling like a complete loser for eating more than I "want" to/feel like I should. I was doing so well until there was bundt cake in the break room. I didn't even want it, but then I did, and as soon as I did, it was all about the struggle between "Should" and "Indulge." Indulge has been winning a lot lately, even when I feel like on a very suppressed level, I don't even want the thing I'm indulging in - it's purely about feeling Restricted.
...

Vicious Cycle, Again: A Cry for Help

Tue, 25 Sep 2012 18:13:37 EST

The last few weeks have been rough on my wellness pattern – was doing pretty well with consistant exercise and portion control. But the last almost three weeks have gotten progressively worse somehow, and now I’m sitting here, after a 2-day binge, afraid to take one bite of anything for fear I’ll start the cycle over again.

Why, why, WHY can’t I view food as something other than a spiteful frenemy?! My mind is going a million miles a minute through a cycle of options: Don’t Eat &#...

Today will be different.

Wed, 9 May 2012 11:03:17 EST

The last few weeks have been a little challenging. I've been up and down quite frequently, emotionally-speaking, and it has definitely been reflecting in my eating.

But now it's time to get back on track. I'm trying to figure out why indeed I can make the same pitfall (binging) every day, even though I'm fully aware of what I'm doing the whole time. I've actually even gotten to a point where I don't feel horribly guilty about it anymore, which I think is both good and bad. The guil...

Always on my radar

Fri, 6 Apr 2012 14:34:45 EST

I've gradually become less and less diligent with SparkPeople again, AGAIN. But it's always there, in my inbox, or in the back of my head when I feel like I want to binge. (Which I still do occasionally, but I'm happy to say not as often.) My life has been pretty crazy lately and whether I like to admit it or not, my eating habits truly do reflect it.

While I don't always log on here, I do read the articles that come to my mailbox from time to time, and this morning I read one that...

Okay, back.

Tue, 3 Jan 2012 10:57:50 EST

ARGH.

That's probably not the best way to spread good juju to this entry, but it pretty much sums up the last few months of 2011 for this gal.

When I first joined SparkPeople last September, I was genuinely relieved and excited, and those feelings lasted, even after my dedication to meticulously tracking calories waned.

I learned a lot here, about calorie intake and food contents. Even after I stopped tracking, I still kept my daily budget of calories in mind....

Update

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 17:23:18 EST

Sheesh it's been ages since I've blogged. I've done OK keeping up with the calorie counting - haven't been doing it in obsessive-real-time lately, but I've been counting... on days I'm not ashamed to. :/

Weekends have been particularly icky the past two weekends - seems like every Friday - Sunday, like clockwork, I overeat like nobody's business. Pretty disgusting.

I do so well during the weeks though, so I try not to fret.

I've decided I think it's the "fret...

Pinterest Obession

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 23:43:27 EST

This weekend I discovered a little site called Pinterest, and it has been a wonderful distraction from snacking! Been thoroughly addicted since yesterday. And it's such a mood elevator to get yourself so wrapped up in aesthetically pleasurable photos and inspirationals. It's made me feel quite warm and fuzzy.

A little bit like this laxative tea is right now. I realize that's probably more info than is probably necessary to post, even for myself. But, this is the price I am paying f...

Great New Pandora Station = Excellent Monday Morning

Mon, 26 Sep 2011 13:11:31 EST

I don't really want to talk about yesterday. Ok, I will briefly - two scoops of ice cream and a giant Mexican restaurant meal, complete with an $11.5 bowl of guacamole made fresh at our table and crab enchiladas. Thanks, Dad, for another great Sunday. And I refuse to feel guilty about it. Ok? ok.

Per my BFF's suggestion, I plugged in Santigold into my Pandora and I have been jamming. all. morning. Great start, plus 4 miles of wogging and a round of strength exercises and this is fe...

Saturday, Day 11

Sat, 24 Sep 2011 20:00:47 EST

Lots of carb-o-licious wine today. Enjoyable, but definitely drank my calories.

Also, a lot of cravings, too! Is it the Lazy Saturday Boredom Blues or what? Sheesh. Ate a cupcake - oops! Dinner calories GONE in a FLASH.

Gotta stop at 1,084 or risk Official Danger Zone. Need the cushion for calorie guesstimates.

Note to self: STOP. EATING. NOW. Close the kitchen for today. Or, rather, the door to your stomach.

Having a cup of tea and lots of water to...

Thursday - Friday A.M. (Day 9, 10.5)

Fri, 23 Sep 2011 14:03:37 EST

Thursdays are my super long days - get up to wog (walk/jog combo) at 730/8a, get home to relax after the day is done at...9:30/10p. Ick! Ok day yesterday - maxed out calories AGAIN, but managed not to go over, even with having consumed all my day's calories by around 4p. (which is only about half way through my day).

Made my own granola the night before - super delish! Granola is a lot of fat, especially when I put the flaxseed in there, but all good fat I'm told. Better than my da...

Mon - Wed, Days 6, 7, 8

Thu, 22 Sep 2011 01:19:08 EST

The last few days have been going well - but I've been maxing out the calorie limits when I'd like to be coming in a bit under, (just a bit, to leave room for averages/calorie guesstimates) but I suppose that is still Ok.

Been feeling good, though, and totally getting into the cooking! I made my own granola tonight, and I must say: de-lish!

Tonight marks one week on the plan! It's such a relief to have a place to learn about portion control and calorie consumption. I'm ...

The Weekend (Days 3, 4, 5)

Mon, 19 Sep 2011 01:35:12 EST

Friday was great, even going out with a friend for evening drinks and appetizers, I was still able to stay within my calorie allotment, with some to spare even!

Saturday was a bit more of a struggle, went over by about 100 or so calories, but it was a fun night out with friends and I thought the splurge would be harmless.

Sunday - wow. I thought I'd be better. I prepared myself for it (or so I thought), knowing what I get myself into on Sunday cookfests at my dad's house...

Rise and Shine! Day 2

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 09:42:50 EST

Up at 7:30 a.m. (nice), earlier day start to a long one (out of class at 9:30 p.m.) Eating my fruit cup and putting on the running shoes. Feels like a good Thursday.

Fully Introduced

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 06:19:25 EST

So I found this site about 2 hours ago, and I really need to go to bed now, but I am very excited about this find. I have been in desperate need of some structure, guidelines and inspiration for eating healthier and gaining control of my appetite and eating habits. Probably not a great start that I'm not getting a full 8 hours rest before starting Day 1 of using this site, but I just wanted to take a quick moment to expressly notate my enthusiasm for having found a hope for a solution.
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