LURLANN's SparkPeople Blog LURLANN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I was judged today March was a very hectic month for me, what with the move from California to Tennessee, med changes (complete with adverse side effects), final doctor visits, visits with family before the move, and getting settled in. I didn't stay the path, and I definitely felt it. <BR> <BR> Today we went to pick up a dryer from the people we are renting from, and the office chair I was sitting in kept dropping. The landlord's husband made the comment that it was caused by not pushing away from the table... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 23:12:35 EST Happy New Year, I hope I went overboard in the last 2 weeks: eating all the time and not logging everything I eat. I know why. And I know that it was MY choice to say yea or nay. I didn't do it. I am having issues with some anger and resentment and also a fair amount of stress. I created it, I am dealing with it. In the mean time, I have reverted to doing what is easy rather than what is best for me. I ended up gaining .6 pounds, which I consider a wake up call. <BR> <BR> There are things in my life tha... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 13:49:47 EST This Christmas is different The holidays are almost over and surprisingly, I haven't shown a gain. I say surprisingly because I have been eating my emotions. I live with someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, and for me, that is somewhat depressing. And since my sister sent her customary Christmas goodie box, it was the perfect opportunity to splurge. <BR> After years of being pretty much strangers, I finally sent a letter to my father about how I felt. He called me on Thanksgiving, and we now have a schedule to... Sat, 28 Dec 2013 12:59:36 EST Merry Christmas to ME! I am still on my journey, still exercising, and still losing weight. In the last week or so, I have been noticing that I have been binge eating. And I noticed that I did it most often when I was letting myself get caught up in a negative head-space. (It didn't help matters that I hadn't exercised that day.) The thing is: I noticed it. And what I acknowledge, I can change. <BR> <BR> I am a person who likes to get up and do my exercising first thing in the morning. There are a lot of rea... Tue, 10 Dec 2013 13:25:11 EST Today is a good day. After 36 days, I am still logging what I eat. This deserves a celebration. I am officially at the 4 month mark for consistency in my exercising, and I have lost 12.8 pounds, which is 5% of my body weight. I am finding ways to sneak in more water during the day, and I starting to do weight training. <BR> <BR> This is a VERY good day!! <em>224</em> Mon, 28 Oct 2013 11:51:42 EST Musings I think about the people I love and care about and how (un)healthy they are and I look in the mirror and I see my unhealthiness and I think that is my lot in life. I so don't want it to be, but I focus on it so much that there is no alternative. "I don't want to get to THAT point!" And I got there. <BR> <BR> This journey isn't about a 180 degree, change-everything-right-now, look-in-the-mirror-an-hate-myself, go overboard change. This journey is about small steps and consistency. It is ... Sat, 5 Oct 2013 11:52:54 EST Update I can't even count the times I have started a "diet", only to give up after 2-3 weeks. Occasionally, I would make it to a 20 pound decrease. Then I would quit. I guess I just wasn't ready to really make the change. I had the 'all-or-nothing' 'diet' mentality. There was always an 'excuse' as to why I wouldn't stay the course. And a LOT of beating myself up for being 'weak' <BR> <BR> Also, I have been so focused on what I don't want to do, be, look like, or give up, that I wasn't in any ... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:17:28 EST Progress I am feeling good today. I had a doctor appointment yesterday, so I wan't able to exercise. On a good note, all my labs and tests were normal, so I am in good health. <BR> <BR> I am working right now on tracking EVERYTHING that I put in my mouth. This has been an issue for me: I didn't want to face it, and it was too much work. This time, I want to track it, and I don't mind facing what I am doing. I don't know for sure what changed, but I am so glad it did. <BR> <BR> I am also foc... Wed, 25 Sep 2013 12:37:47 EST This time.. This time is different. This time, I am going by how I feel. This time, I am tracking ALL that I eat, without dreading it. This time, it feels right. This time, it is an adventure. This time, I feel that I can do this. This time, it is about progress. This time is the last time. And it is the only last time I will ever need. Fri, 20 Sep 2013 11:16:42 EST Once again, with Feeling I have slipped again. I quit after a few days, because it was too 'difficult' to measure/track my food. It is easier to continue as I have been and not focus on me, because that is selfish, and am not worth it, anyway. I know what I should weigh, how many calories a day I need to eat to reach that weight. And I look at the numbers and how I look and I get overwhelmed at the journey I need to take and I give up. It is SO easy to stay where I am. And it doesn't require any commitment, wor... Mon, 16 Sep 2013 13:10:50 EST Where am I? I keep making resolutions about loosing the extra weight I am carrying around, and I usually give up after a month or so because it is 'too much trouble to log my food and measure it." And I beat myself up afterwards and think that I can't stick with anything. And I make another resolution.... and on it goes. <BR> <BR> Lately, I have been working on my mindset. I feel that my issue is not with will power or determination, but with my thinking. I have lost a lot of weight before, but chos... Sat, 23 Feb 2013 13:32:57 EST Life requires me to show up. I got on the scale today and I am at 235. I thought about my habits and my life, and I realized that my health is more important than a number. I can't keep going through my life being numb. It leads to mediocrity. If I keep waiting for the perfect time to start getting healthy, I will never do it. I can't wait until I have enough money, or until the weather gets better, or the BF stops offering me food, or until I can eat the way I would prefer. It is an excuse to stay numb, to keep th... Sat, 26 Jan 2013 12:13:55 EST Compassion and Awareness I read an article today on self-compassion, and it really struck a nerve with me. I got to thinking about it, and I am SO hard on myself, "Comparing my every day life to XXX's highlight reel.", among other things. I am so quick to compare me to the pictures/posts I see, completely disregarding my uniqueness and value. I am me, not the person I am comparing myself to, and I am OK. So I weigh 233. That number is not who I am, it doesn't define me. I weigh 233. The number is neither good ... Thu, 20 Dec 2012 16:49:44 EST I am so tired of being a yo-yo I joined SparkPeople earlier this year because I wanted to be fit and to lose weight. And I quit. I seem to be good at doing that. I get motivated and do well for a month or so, then I give up. I can usually find someone or something to point my finger at as to why I quit. I get bored, it is too much effort, the BF keeps offering me food I don't want or need, the list goes on. What it boils down to is that I quit. And I beat myself up about for months afterwards. <BR> <BR> I get insp... Mon, 17 Dec 2012 16:39:13 EST My 30-Day Challenge Through most of my life, I have tended to float by, not making waves or statements. I have hid in the corner trying to be invisible and 'going with the flow'. I haven't made a real commitment to anything. SO, for the month of April, I am committing to weighing/measuring my food, daily exercise, and staying within my calorie range. I am also meditating and doing some personal work each day. I am excited about this and want to see where I am in 30 days. 30 days isn't a long time, really. ... Tue, 27 Mar 2012 14:20:42 EST Progress!! I have a pair of size 14 jeans that I have had hanging in my office for a while as a 'teaser'. I tried them on this morning and I could button them!! I won't be able to wear them comfortably for another week or so, BUT I BUTTONED THEM!!! I feel so awesome right now!! <em>224</em> Thu, 22 Mar 2012 14:37:46 EST I weighed in today... It has been raining cats and dogs here all week. (As witnessed by the pets that won't leave the house. ; ) ) I wasn't able to go out and do my daily walk. I missed it big time. I will be doing one today!! To date, since January 1, I have lost 9.2 pounds. I was doing WW and I struggled to 'get it'. My cousin recommended SparkPeople to her mom, and I decided to check it out. I have lost 3 pounds since I started. It may not seem like much, but I can tell a difference. I am able to we... Sun, 18 Mar 2012 14:03:00 EST One day at a time I want to be more healthy. I want to be happier with who I see in the mirror. I have a ways to go, and I can get caught up in the length of the process. I am down 6.2 pounds from the first of the year. I am wearing my jeans again. I am making progress. Old habits are hard to let go of. I am measuring my food more now, but still going overboard with BF's 'kindness'. I want to say 'NO' more often than I am now. Healthy habits don't grow overnight, though. I want to keep leaning in the... Tue, 13 Mar 2012 13:15:04 EST