LOVESTOCROP's SparkPeople Blog LOVESTOCROP's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The battle rages on! Well, I lost 2 tenths of a pound this week. disappointing. I started exercising this week too. 5 days at the YMCA. 5 days of sweat and a little muscle pain. I wanted to throw in the towel after stepping on the scale. I did not. I got to work around the house, and eventually went to work out. I'm still bummed, but I know something has got to give. I have been within my calorie range. I am recording everything. Maybe I'm just building muscle. I didn't give up today and have no plans ... Sat, 4 Aug 2012 17:39:18 EST Anything worth it takes awhile! I went to the Y to work out today. Saw myself in the mirrors and windows...yuck. <BR> <BR> I came home sat down next to my husband before I showered and started picking on myself, "I'm fat" all the while jiggling my leg roles. <BR> <BR> He replied, "Stop belittling yourself. You'll lose it." <BR> <BR> My answer, "It's going to take awhile." <BR> <BR> He responds, "Anything worth it takes awhile." <BR> <BR> How profound to hear these words from him. He has sabotaged my attempts time and a... Sun, 29 Jul 2012 18:06:05 EST Well, yuck... I started a workout program at the Y on Wednesday! Yay me.. However, I got the stomach flu that night, so I haven't been back. It is as if I am being sabotaged by germs. I am hoping to go back tomorrow to work out, but we shall see. I am very weak today. My son started the stomach flu Tuesday night and he wasn't completely better until today. On top of it, my sinuses are going nuts. I have been really dizzy too. I need to regain some strength. The only plus is that I am obviously losing weigh... Fri, 27 Jul 2012 15:36:05 EST Rough... It was a rough day. I was up most of the night with my sick boy. I had a few hours of sleep afterwards, but then I went into a severe depression afterwards. I couldn't stop crying and felt like everything was falling apart. Thankfully my husband was understanding and we decided I needed a nap. After I woke up I felt fine, rejuvenated, and frankly normal. <BR> Thankfully I stayed on plan today! Wed, 18 Jul 2012 23:39:57 EST Waiting... I don't know about other people, but I really don't like waiting. I don't like waiting in line. I don't like waiting for something important in the mail. I really don't like it. Today I am waiting for the person to come install a new hot water heater...despise all this waiting. However, it got me thinking. I don't like waiting for my results...on tests, papers I turn in, scores my students have earned from the state, all of this waiting. I don't think I like waiting for results on my weight e... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 16:24:31 EST Another Day another ???? Eventful day. I have recorded everything I put into my mouth today, for the 5th day in a row. I was sabotaged today. Husband ordered pizza. I recorded what I ate, which is a goal of mine, but boy was it an eye opener! I spoke to husband and he said he won't do this again, for awhile. <BR> I also joined the Y this week. I have my first appointment with a trainer next week. I'm nervous and I'm looking forward to it. We shall see. I took the kids swimming today and swam a few laps. I can't wait... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 23:37:17 EST FEAR FEAR. <BR> I have determined that fear and anxiety rule this aspect of my life- losing weight! I am not afraid of being smaller, I am afraid of letting myself down again. I am afraid of struggling and losing the battle. I am afraid of the looks on people's faces, my friends, my family, when I fail again. I am afraid. Crippling, crushing anxiety. Losing weight sounds great. In all actually, I have lost weight before, I could do it again. BUT - For how long? I am afraid of getting sick taking a... Tue, 10 Jul 2012 13:59:06 EST Giving up, giving in, I don't know anymore, if I can try, if I can succeed. I feel hopeless and I feel lonely. I don't know why I keep trying. Sat, 14 Apr 2012 23:14:26 EST AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! Well, I've been little (not) miss negative for quite awhile now. I've noticed that I lecture myself daily about losing weight, working out, and quitting smoking. I'm busier than I can remember, with the two boys, autism appointments for one, college, and work, not to mention home. I'm really overwhemed. <BR> <BR> I have to try to find time for me. To plan meals, workout, de-stress. If I can do this, maybe I will finally be successful. <BR> <BR> I don't want a pity party. Really, I'm just ... Mon, 6 Sep 2010 21:59:33 EST I'm down...again. I really have no good answer. Maybe I am destined for this. I consistently attempt to eat within my calorie range, but I am always hungry. I cannot curb the hunger. I do not have a good answer and neither does anyone else. I exercised so much in April, and I'm still in the same spot. I do not know what to do differently, except be hungry all of the time. Unfortunately, I can't do that. I eventually give in and then I splurge. My options seem limited at this time. I am at a loss. I will have t... Mon, 3 May 2010 11:11:48 EST Exercise when you don't feel good :/ I've had a bad cold all week and I've been fighting to prevent it from turning into a sinus infection. Pollen is a huge culprit. It seems like pollen kills my immune system and I get sick with everything else within a day or two of an allergic reation. It never seems to take long. Well, I have continued to exercise everyday, although it has been extremely difficult. Today I went out and walked a mile. I was exhausted afterwards. I've read that you should still try to exercise with a cold, but... Thu, 8 Apr 2010 20:18:41 EST Exercise when you don't feel good :/ I've had a bad cold all week and I've been fighting to prevent it from turning into a sinus infection. Pollen is a huge culprit. It seems like pollen kills my immune system and I get sick with everything else within a day or two of an allergic reation. It never seems to take long. Well, I have continued to exercise everyday, although it has been extremely difficult. Today I went out and walked a mile. I was exhausted afterwards. I've read that you should still try to exercise with a cold, but... Thu, 8 Apr 2010 20:18:11 EST My Blogs I slowly went down hill. A quick trip from February until the end of March, my efforts went down hill. They smacked dead center into a wall with two sudden surgeries. Afterwards, I realized that I couldn't just give up on myself. I have said this to my self before, but I would really like to remind myself that this is doable. It is going to be a long, arduous journey, but I believe I am worth it. When I screw up again, I have to know that it's okay and that I can still do this. <BR> Admittin... Fri, 2 Apr 2010 20:47:18 EST Starting Over...again! Okay, I do feel like an idiot. I tried the HCG and was starving. It was unbearable. I would much rather work out and make positive time for myself than feel the way I did on the HCG. <BR> So, here I am again. Starting anew. Working on me. I will begin today with some exercise. However, I have had some painful side effects from the HCG, so it will be a slow start. <BR> I am sooo wanting to do this. I will not give up. I know I have not done well in the last month or so, but I'm back! Sun, 14 Mar 2010 11:08:37 EST Starting over! Well, here we go again. This time, I'm doing it with medical help. I am starting the HCG protocol today. A shot in my stomach every day for 6 weeks, not too bad. I only hope that I can accomplish what I need to. It has been such a difficult life living like this. I cannot remember an extended period of time, as an adult, when I was happy with my weight. The closest I came was right before I became pregnant with my first child, which was in 2000. <BR> This is going to be a tough, very strict ... Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:24:53 EST I think I can... Frustration, big time. I'm frustrated and angry with myself for falling off the wagon once again. This addiction to fattening, sweet foods is driving me insane. I take a step forward and two back each time I attempt to lose weight. I'm not sure what to do next. <BR> Today I exercised. I drank all my water. I'm trying to get back on my weight loss feet. I'm trying to treat myself well and feed my body the foods it needs instead of the fattening foods I crave. The cravings are horrible. It see... Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:05:10 EST Difficult Day Today, I had to take my one year old Golden Retriever mix back to the place I adopted her from. I have had her almost a year. She and my 5 year old could not stand each other, so I had to remove her from the home. I love her dearly and will miss her. I wanted to pig out on chocolate soon after dropping her off and balling like a baby, but I resisted that temptation. I hope she finds a good home with older or no children. I will be okay, but it was difficult. Sat, 6 Feb 2010 20:41:30 EST I Learned! Another week. It has been a rough one, full of hunger, drowsiness, and a bit of self loathing. I struggled the last week. I couldn't eat enough, and went over my caloric intake several times. I had two birthdays, two pizza nights, and physical issues to overcome. <BR> So, what did I learn? <BR> I learned that my body knew what it wanted. I still chose my foods wisely. I didn't over do it with pizza, or cake for the birthdays. I never bought a bag of chips or a bag of chocolate and pigged out... Mon, 1 Feb 2010 21:36:34 EST Hangin' in there It's one of those weeks. I am suffering from bodily issues. On top of that, I'm consistenly hungry. I am not enjoying exercising and I'm struggling to stay with in my calorie range. The last few weeks were great. I think I'm going through this now because I'm going through these bodily issues. I am really forcing myself to behave by exercising and eating well. I'm just not satisfied. What is my body needing and what can I do about it? I truly don't know. This is an issue of will power, person... Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:07:31 EST Try, Try, Again Well, it's been a long week. With dental work and a date out with my husband, I have not been successful. I feel like I've gained weight. I'll find out for sure in the morning. I have not given up, and I have worked out yesterday and today. I'm going to have to figure out better workout times during the week, which is still an issue. <BR> <BR> I had a great time with my husband yesterday. We went out to a movie and dinner. I did not eat wisely, but I enjoyed myself and my time with him. Some... Sun, 17 Jan 2010 17:05:53 EST Back to work and... I've been home for three weeks. Two weeks of Christmas break and one week of snow days. Today was our first day back to school and I was concerned. I was worried about hunger and exercise and stress. Honestly, it was a great day. I became a little hungry, but nothing serious. <BR> <BR> I didn't get to work out. By the time I got home and helped the kids with the homework, it's time to cook dinner. I will have to figure out when the best time to exercise is. I always hate getting up in the m... Mon, 11 Jan 2010 19:28:24 EST The First Week and...WOW!!! Okay, so, I've been trying this Spark thing. I've been writing everything I eat here. I've been exercising. I've been getting connected. I'm learning some thingss, and still feel like I have a lot to learn. My plan was to weigh in on Saturdays, but since I'm out for a snow day, again, I thought I would weigh today. I've not been feeling great about the whole week. <BR> Well, I did it. I lost 4.6 pounds. It is amazing!!!! <BR> <BR> Now I feel much better. I know it's working and paying off. A... Fri, 8 Jan 2010 11:04:47 EST Carbs A long day, and a change from my blog earlier. I was home because school was closed again today. I was really hungry today, all day. It seemed no matter what I ate or when, I was hungry within the hour. I'm sure my body is fighting weight loss, but jeez, why does it have to be such a pain. I'm also wondering if the weather is a factor. I was cold more often today, even though the temperature was fine in the house. It is so frustrating. <BR> <BR> Thankfully, I recorded everything I ate (even... Tue, 5 Jan 2010 22:59:55 EST Halfway through the first week... Wow, I'm tired today. I had little sleep last night and got up early to send the children to school. My school is still closed because of the snow, so no work for me. We might go back to work tomorrow...we shall see. <BR> <BR> So far I'm sticking to the Spark thing. I like the website and still have so much to learn. If only I could spend every waking moment on the computer. Too much to do. The hardest part is that patience is required. I like immediate results, which is why I need other re... Tue, 5 Jan 2010 12:07:51 EST Yuck... I can't get motivated today. I joined a team and watched the 10 minute work out video and I know it's too hard just by looking at it. I need to decide what to do. Do I try the 10 minute video, or do I do my 50 minute video that I like. I really don't want to do either. To make matters worse, on TV right now a Pastor is talking about a diet book with some Dr. I'm curious, and don't want to change the channel. Frankly, I don't want to do anything except sleep. It's time to make some decisions ... Sun, 3 Jan 2010 11:50:24 EST Here we go... I am starting out on a new journey in my life. It is also an old journey. It is the weight loss battle. I have lost weight before and been very happy with myself. I would like to do this again. I am tired of trying so hard only to feel hungry or dissatisfied. I need a big change in my life. My New Year's resolution this year is to change for the better. This includes the areas of weight loss, money, and faith. I have alot of work ahead of me. I know that I am an intelligent and strong woman, ... Sat, 2 Jan 2010 15:31:09 EST