LLEWIS6879's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=LLEWIS6879 LLEWIS6879's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Surprised myself... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3537978 So early this week I get that ... feeling... <BR> that caged panther feeling... <BR> everyone and everything p!$$es me off... <BR> hungry, hungry, hungry.... <BR> <BR> Even without tenderness in the sisters (an homage to Teenybikini ;-) I know it's TOM coming to say hello. <BR> <BR> ... and I KNOW what's going to happen next... <BR> eating, eating, eating. <BR> I usually hide when I do this. I step around the corner in the kitchen to eat the chip or the cookie. I don't want anyone to see... Sat, 14 Aug 2010 23:50:10 EST A 5K on the treadmill! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3533765 A 5K in 50 minutes on the treadmill at the GYM last night. <BR> That's right, I said THE GYM. <BR> Who said that? Oh, right... <BR> me... <BR> the non-gym person. <BR> <BR> I know 50 minutes for a 5K is nothing to crow about but I felt like it was pretty respectable. <BR> <BR> It wasn't crowded. There were lots of treadmills available so that was pretty good. <BR> <BR> There were some younger guys there. It was kind of funny actually. Doing all this amazing work on their amazing, beauti... Fri, 13 Aug 2010 13:33:10 EST Why should I feel I don't belong? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3531003 I used to go to the gym fairly often, mostly for yoga. I used to LOVE to lift weights when I was younger. I loved to lift weights at physical therapy (4 knee surgerys, three pulled hamstrings, you get to know people.) It was like having a personal trainer that my insurance was paying for!! I muscle up right away (for a chick) and I LOVE the way it looks and feels. <BR> <BR> But... <BR> at the gym where our family belongs, I just don't feel like I "belong" in the weight room. <BR> <BR> ... Thu, 12 Aug 2010 18:51:05 EST What is that hollow feeling? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3436919 I was absolutely FREAKING STARVING today. <BR> <BR> Scrambled Eggs (1 whole egg 2 egg whites) with grilled salami and grapes for breakfast, coffee <BR> (I've never grilled salami before, and never put anything like that in eggs. Usually low fat feta cheese and grilled onions. Today I wanted something different and with 20/20 hindsight I realize I had started the march to starvation with a craving for salt.) <BR> <BR> While I was walking I was planning lunch. <BR> <BR> Came home, so hot I... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 23:49:10 EST What is it with me and strength training? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3433262 I love to lift weights and I muscle up really fast. <BR> <BR> I just DON'T DO IT. <BR> <BR> I know I should. I love me with muscles. I love me with a higher metabolic rate. but I have my strength training set for M W F and I just, like, almost never do it. <BR> <BR> I know it's a habit we have to get into, but I am really stuck here. <BR> More thinking about it tomorrow... <BR> After all, tomorrow is another day... Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:07:48 EST Revelation: Take II http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3423376 and <BR> "Can I help you with that, Ma'am?" <BR> <BR> I don't blog often. <BR> <BR> I tend to spend the whole morning on edits and re-writes and use it as an excuse to procrastinate. <BR> <BR> Yeah, cause that's not a problem for me at all... <BR> <BR> Pro... <BR> Cras... <BR> ti... <BR> na... <BR> tion. <BR> <BR> Not eat so much, I've really got down. <BR> Exercise consistently, <BR> Puh-lease. <BR> and I get very disgusted with myself about it. <BR> <BR> But that's not what I want to ... Mon, 12 Jul 2010 11:17:43 EST Singing the praises... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3269601 <em>517</em> <BR> Reflections: <BR> <BR> HOE- <BR> LEE <BR> CRAP! <BR> <BR> I don't know where to start... <BR> My last blog post, on 5/5, I weighed 167 pounds. <BR> This morning, 160.5 <BR> <BR> So, I don't know where to start... <BR> <BR> Yesterday was 12 weeks since I "started" the spark. I signed up in October 2009 and didn't touch it again for 5 months. <BR> <BR> Then, on Tuesday, March 2, I hit rock bottom, (again... ) <BR> (you know what the cowboys say, "When you hit bottom, s... Wed, 26 May 2010 10:16:06 EST Where the rubber hits the road... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3197331 So. <BR> Up. <BR> again today. <BR> Hmmm. <BR> <BR> Two days ago, 165.5!! My lowest weight in years! <BR> Woohoo! Go me!! <BR> <BR> Yesterday 166.5. <BR> Well, up one, NBD. I'll be back down tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Today 167. <BR> Yup. Wrong way. <BR> <BR> Now, I read the blogs and lots of people have this happen to them all the time and they get through it. <BR> <BR> Here's my problem. <BR> I haven't. I've been down down down down, almost every weigh in. <BR> It's been easy. <BR> Really... Wed, 5 May 2010 11:40:00 EST Don'cha hate PMS?!? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3171175 Truly, yesterday I was feeling good. Proud of myself. Happy. Positive. <BR> <BR> I knew TOM was approaching and I was also proud of how calm and even-tempered I was feeling. <BR> <BR> Well, that serene chick was gone before breakfast today. <BR> Though I physically, literally got out of bed the same as always, <BR> emotionally, figuratively, "wrong side of the bed" doesn't even begin to cover it. <BR> <BR> I feel like the top of my head is coming off. <BR> I actually scare myself som... Wed, 28 Apr 2010 12:36:49 EST Long time, no blog... my 8 wk Sparkiversary... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3166839 I think I figured out why I don't resent the weight loss efforts (and "efforts" is not the right word, because I haven't been TRYING. It hasn't been a huge effort up to this point) this time. <BR> <BR> When I was on Weight Watchers I was pissed-off all the time. I resented the points for some reason. <BR> <BR> Now I'm looking at things differently, in that, everyday I get 1200 to 1550 new calories to "spend." <BR> <BR> ...that instead of things being taken away, it's like I'm being giv... Tue, 27 Apr 2010 11:43:02 EST WEEKENDS SUCK! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3099650 And closing a blog window, that you've really worked on and soul-searched and learned stuff before you post it, sucks more!! <BR> <BR> Now I don't want to re-type the whole thing... <BR> It really is a process, isn't it? <BR> <BR> Realizing, in the typing of the BLOG I ERASED that I'm a weight-loss hermit. <BR> <BR> Realizing, in the BLOG I ERASED, that I don't have such great control on the weekends (restaurants do me no good whatsoever) and it takes me the whole week to recover, weight-w... Fri, 9 Apr 2010 12:30:30 EST And my last word on the matter... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3090601 <em>43</em> <BR> I gave the milk chocolate egg away. My best friend is going through some very difficult times and if she wants to medicate with chocolate, it's not for me to stop her. <BR> See, the thing with her is, she can have one piece... <BR> and then she just stops... <BR> And it's not even willpower. <BR> She just doesn't WANT anymore! <BR> The bi&ch!!!!!!! <BR> We're just wired differently, she and I. A piece of chocolate for her satisfies the craving. <BR> For me, it just seems ... Wed, 7 Apr 2010 10:13:55 EST WHAT WAS I THINKING?!? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3086490 How is it that I thought that the best reward for not eating something was to eat it later!!!???!!! <BR> <BR> Is that a joke? <BR> Where did I come up with that idea? <BR> <BR> On the other hand, does that mean I can never EVER have my CCE (Cadbury Creme Egg)? <BR> But I WAAAAANT it.... <BR> <BR> I do. <BR> I reeeeeally waaaant it... <BR> (can you do whining in type? Is there a special font you're supposed to use? I've heard people say, or, actually, seen written that there should be a s... Tue, 6 Apr 2010 11:04:03 EST What the he11 did I wear last summer?!? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3084549 I'm starting to get out some of my summer clothes as the weather is improving dramatically. <BR> What I'm realizing is that almost all of my summer pants/shorts are size 10. <BR> Now I can guaratee you that I was no size 10 last summer, or the summer before that... <BR> and probably before THAT. <BR> <BR> I really think that for the last 2 or possibly even 3 years (!WTF!) I've worn the same 4 or 5 pairs of shorts/pants in the summer... all summer... the same few pairs! OMG! I'm mortified!!... Mon, 5 Apr 2010 21:52:49 EST Wanted to do this yesterday but, http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3068736 Cut myself Tuesday night (chopping onions, in a hurry, of course!) and got the middle finger of my left hand in the way of my NEW, RAZOR SHARP santoku knife, and I'm pretty sure I cut all the way to the bone... <BR> so typing is tough. <BR> and I really wanted to reflect on my first month spark-iversary. <BR> Easier said than typed... <BR> I tend to run off at the hand so this forces me to be more consise. <BR> Not a bad thing. <BR> <BR> I'm down 14 pounds and 6.5 inches in 4 weeks. <BR> Not... Thu, 1 Apr 2010 10:47:53 EST I thought I'd never say this! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3060278 EVER <BR> EVER <BR> EVER <BR> EVER <BR> EVER... <BR> <BR> I need to eat more. <BR> ... <BR> <BR> To me that's like saying, "Hey, can I get a dose of the plague over here?" <BR> <BR> The scale is down again today and I can't say I was all that happy about it. Actually, maybe it scared me a little. <BR> According to my scale (accurate? who's to say...), 13 pounds down and tomorrow will be my 4 week anniversary. (I know my page says I joined in Oct. 2009 but I didn't DO anything but sign up u... Tue, 30 Mar 2010 10:40:04 EST Supportive? Not so much. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3049999 Going to my mother-in-law's house for dinner tonight. While it's lovely that I don't have to cook, there are some issues... <BR> She has issues... <BR> Her own with food <BR> In a big way. <BR> My MIL is WAY more than 100 pounds over-weight. And years ago when I was on Weight Watchers, we were at her house for a meal and I made my point-concious choices, and she said... <BR> in the most scathing voice imaginable... <BR> "What are you? On a diet?" <BR> You know, in THAT tone... <BR> That, "W... Sat, 27 Mar 2010 16:52:58 EST Well, THAT'S a bummer... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3041799 I was feeling all glib. <BR> I had a plan. <BR> "Had the fish and chips Tuesday, I know I'll be up Wednesday, but I'll be extra good and I'll be back to what I was on Thursday." <BR> <BR> How naive! <BR> <BR> Up again this morning. <BR> Nice. <BR> <BR> I had planned to get a good bit of exercise and to eat a little less to make up for my own personal "Fat" Tuesday. <BR> I actually succeeded, better than I expected to in the "eat a little less" part of the plan <BR> But I was just achy and... Thu, 25 Mar 2010 10:50:03 EST Fish N Chips. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3037645 So I took my best friend out for fish and chips last night. She's from England and GOOD FNC is what she misses most about the UK, pro'bly not so much the rest of the food. :-("Thistle" in Lyndhurst NJ, highly recommend for the food, dining room a little industrial or sparse or something, but you really didn't notice that once the food hit the table!) <BR> I had been worried about it because I knew I was going to make a pig out of myself. <BR> To be blunt. <BR> <BR> So I had a reasonable bre... Wed, 24 Mar 2010 10:55:52 EST Revelation! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3025459 I've been spending some time in the last three weeks looking through a friend's photo albums. He's been bringing up one every couple days. He's very organized and his albums generally represent about a year, starting with New Years or the Superbowl and ending with Christmas. <BR> <BR> We've done about 10 years now. <BR> <BR> So I've been looking at albums for three weeks and doing, really DOING Spark People for 2 weeks and 4 days. <BR> <BR> Coincidence? <BR> I think not. <BR> <BR> I h... Sun, 21 Mar 2010 12:56:00 EST Stream of conciousness and debunking myself... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3014902 I have not blogged for a while. I was really gung ho and then, with the bad weather last weekend, and even after things got better, weather-wise, I've slacked off. <BR> <BR> I use the excuse I haven't got time to exercise. The truth is, I'm procrastinating till I really don't have time. <BR> The truth is, Sparkpeople is my Facebook. <BR> I really like this much better and I can find many ways to spend time on here that I could have/should have been exercising or cleaning or whatever. <B... Thu, 18 Mar 2010 11:27:36 EST Rainy, miserable day in NJ... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2990831 Ewww... <BR> Now I'm letting my dog down and I'm letting myself down, but I am NOT going for a walk in this weather... <BR> <BR> There's an exercise bike in the basement, I think I'll go brush the dust off that thing. <BR> <BR> Yeah, that's what I'll do. <BR> ... <BR> ... <BR> Sitting here thinking about it, starting to sound like a good idea. Maybe even move some of the weights around down there... <BR> <BR> hmmm... <BR> maybe not such a bad day after all... <BR> <BR> UPDATE: Got a brea... Fri, 12 Mar 2010 10:11:37 EST Past that... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2986272 I'm glad to be done with yesterday. It was a very difficult, emotional day for me. I didn't go for a walk and I feel guilty about it, but I did work in the yard and rake, and I did teach last night so that was TONS of walking around. Maybe not the intensity of a "WALK," but I'm just glad I didn't sit on the couch and watch TV all day, so I guess that was better than a sharp stick in the eye, as my father would say... <BR> <BR> Yesterday, despite my truly consistent efforts, the scale was ... Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:35:31 EST March 10. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2982322 Today is a first anniversary I've been dreading... <BR> A year ago today we had to put our dog, Tucker, to sleep. <BR> He was an 11 year old Golden Retriever. He was diagnosed with Gastrointestinal Lymphoma in the spring of '08 and honest to God, we fought it tooth and nail. I made him special food, we changed to a wholistic vet, he was having accupuncture for his arthritis since he couldn't have N-SAIDS when he was on steroids for the cancer, we did a non-traditional course of Chemotherap... Wed, 10 Mar 2010 11:30:10 EST Measured today. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2977135 How are you supposed to do that only once a month? I guess I'm more of an instant gratification person. Probably not a highly desireable quality in an ADULT. <BR> I have lost a couple of inches in a week. It probably would have been MORE exciting if I had waited the full month and then maybe I would have lost an EXCITING amount of inches... or maybe not... <BR> But, this is a week! A FULL WEEK not really following anyone's plan, not even the Spark plan, but really making a genuine effort t... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 09:37:13 EST Just disgusted... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2965527 Yesterday was my first day attempting 10,000 steps. <BR> I still have my pedometer from England that Tracey gave me 7 or 8 years ago (and I only used it about 3 times in those years.) <BR> So a couple of weeks ago I got a new battery and yesterday I was READY. I wore it all morning in the house, went for a fairly long walk with the dog, and all the rest of the day really LOOKED for opportunities to take those extra steps. <BR> I didn't look. <BR> I wanted to be surprised. <BR> Oh, I was su... Sat, 6 Mar 2010 11:45:24 EST My first... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2962131 I feel pretty proud of myself today. <BR> Last night we had a boyscout event that involved desserts. Since I have a REALLY big sweet tooth, I made an anti cookie/brownie/cake/pie plan. <BR> I made sure I had gum in my purse. After the presentations, I did have a small cup of coffee, but then I immediately put the gum in my mouth for breath purposes as well as to help quell the desire to eat (usually in those places, I eat a little and a little and a little and then a little more and it turn... Fri, 5 Mar 2010 12:24:29 EST