LINDA7668's SparkPeople Blog LINDA7668's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Interesting videos about shame I think a lot of my issues with my weight problems have a lot to do with shame. I found these links that really spoke to me. I hope you can get something from it too. <BR> <BR> <BR> <link><BR>DORYYV0 </link> <link><BR>_ted_talks </link> <BR> <link><BR>_ted_talks </link> Sun, 10 Aug 2014 08:35:16 EST Not my month :( It seems that it's just not a good month for me. As I posted earlier, I had a flare up of my tendonitis. Last night, I did something to my knee to hurt it. Not sure what I did, but think I my have hyperextended it. All I know was I was mowing a small hill and there was some sharp pain in my knee. <BR> <BR> Of course I'm the type that I will try to push past it. That didn't work too well today. After 3 hours at work, I told my boss I was leaving. Came home, took some pain killers an... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 20:08:50 EST Odds and ends I'm still recovering from my tendonitis. It's slowly improving and I think I'm ready to start some stretching and strengthening exercises. I feel like a wimp since it's never taken me this long to bounce back before. I guess my Grandmother was right when she said growing old ain't for wimps. <em>246</em> <BR> <BR> My thyroid tests came back well within the normal range. I'm beginning to believe that I have started the "lovely" change of life. I hope and pray this doesn't last long,... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 20:55:22 EST Update on Achilles tendonitis I went to the doctor this afternoon for my tendonitis. She told me that I had 2 options- take anti-inflammatories and take it easy for the next 2 weeks or go to the orthopedic specialists and be put in a boot. I opted for the 1st one. Since I work in a plant, I have to wear close toed shoes. If I was put in a boot, I wouldn't be able to work. I'm going to do everything I can to get this flare up under control. I don't want to be put in a boot! <BR> <BR> I also asked her about the edema... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:02:35 EST Achilles tendonitis Things seem to have fallen apart in the last couple of weeks. I don't know what I did, but I have a bad case of Achilles tendonitis. I've had it before so I haven't gone to the doctor. I thought it was improving so I went for a walk yesterday. When I got home, the tendon was very swollen and hurt like heck. Putting ice on it only helped a little so I soaked it in warm water and tried to slowly stretch it out. Then I put my brace on before bed. <BR> <BR> This morning it feels a little... Mon, 28 Jul 2014 08:01:55 EST me- such a simple yet complex word I want to lose at least 100 pounds in the next year. So, what's standing in my way? Me. It's such a simple two letter word with a huge meaning and so many complexities. Me. What is it about me that keeps myself from being at a healthy weight. For starters, I'm well acquainted with the person I am. Notice I didn't say comfortable. There is no comfort in being this heavy. I've always been heavy. <BR> <BR> My weight is a security blanket of sorts. I can use it to hide behind even tho... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 12:26:21 EST This spoke to me so I thought I would share <img src=""> Mon, 30 Jun 2014 20:49:27 EST Vent about work Sorry everyone, but I need to let off steam before I say something at work that t I will regret. My department has 6 people normally. But, we are down 2 people and a third is still new and not up to speed and there is no news on when the first 2 will be back. This leaves a huge burden on the other 3 of us. <BR> <BR> There are a set of procedures that we are supposed to follow. These procedures improve efficiency and reduce errors. I work for a printing company, so it's not like the pr... Fri, 27 Jun 2014 21:13:07 EST For those considering diet pills, please read Although I've tried to lose weight over the years, I was always too scared to try diet pills. This article justifies my fear. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ight-loss-pill-warning-3-women-tell-th<BR>eir-stories/ </link> <BR> <BR> For those considering diet pills, I beg you to think long and hard before trying them. Please consult your doctors before doing anything like this. Sun, 22 Jun 2014 15:52:30 EST Life's curveballs :) I got a letter in the mail from my city the other day. It was one of those nice invitations to clean up part of your property, or they will. It seems that someone turned my neighborhood in for not keeping the fence lines by the alley clean. OK, I admit that my fence line was really bad. It wasn't the worst, but it was bad enough. So yesterday morning I went out to clean it up. No big deal, or so I thought. The clean up went smoothly, but later in the day, my arms started to itch. By l... Sun, 22 Jun 2014 12:25:12 EST My Dad My dad was a man of few words and he wasn't good with expressing his love for us. It wasn't until he was on his deathbed that he told me how proud he was and how much he did love me. The words I had longed to hear for my entire life were finally being said. I take comfort in the fact that he did, but regret that it was so late in life. <BR> <BR> There are 2 songs that every time I hear them, I cry, thinking about my dad and how much he meant to me. <BR> Reba McEntire's "The Greatest M... Sun, 15 Jun 2014 10:39:25 EST A realization and inspiration The night before last, I got so wrapped up in a talk with a friend that I forgot to eat dinner. While I enjoyed the wonderful conversation and it helped my soul, not eating didn't help my body. Yesterday, I ate what I would have normally eaten in two days. Mental note to self: Don't skip meals, especially breakfast and dinner. <em>4</em> I'm not beating myself up or throwing a pity party. It is what it is and I'm moving past it. <BR> <BR> This morning I'm feeling a little down. A... Sat, 14 Jun 2014 11:33:36 EST A follow up on my last post- squishy fat and NSV's After writing about my curiosity about how my fat rolls were changing, I've spent the last few days accepting myself as I am. This is a hard step for me, I am my own worst critic. I tried to be as content as possible and not obsess over what to and not to eat. This morning, curiosity got the better of me and I weighed myself. The scale read 293.6. Monday's are my weigh in day so I will officially track my weight then. But, I'm down .8 of a pound! I'm thinking there's something to this ... Fri, 13 Jun 2014 08:45:00 EST Squishy fat?? Inquiring minds want to know I've been noticing that my belly fat is getting softer and more squishy. It's feeling less like a firm melon and more like jello. (I hope that made sense LOL) Since my mind can work in strange ways, I decided to google squishy fat. After a little bit of this and that, I came across this website<BR>of-whooshes-and-squishy-fat.html. If I'm reading it correctly, it says that fat will get softer and squishier right before a drop in weight. It goe... Tue, 10 Jun 2014 23:25:46 EST Ups and downs, twists and turns It's been a hit and miss week for me. While I'm being more active, my food choices haven't been the greatest and I have gained a little back. While I am a little disappointed, I'm not beating myself up over it. This is a part of the journey. <BR> <BR> Earlier in the week, the AC at work went out and it was unbearable. It couldn't be helped and I was thankful I had a good fan. But, the heat made me sick to my stomach and I didn't feel like eating lunch those days. Thankfully, it was f... Sat, 7 Jun 2014 13:07:36 EST Thinking about how smells affect us First off, I will warn you that parts of this post will not be the most appealing to anyone. But, please bear with me as I try to make my point. <BR> <BR> Most people know that the sense of smell can be a powerful thing. Think back to being a kid and smelling the house when your mom made cookies. Most people get a good feeling from smelling something like that. I will admit it, I do. <BR> <BR> But, what if we could change how we think about certain smells and use it to our advantage... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 16:52:25 EST Odds and ends Last week was absolutely crazy. My hours at work suddenly changed because coworkers were either sick or on light duty. I went from working 3 pm - 11 pm to 9 am - 5 pm. While it was nice to work more normal hours, it was hard to stay on track with my eating. Needless to say, I wasn't very successful. But, I'm going to keep trying. <BR> <BR> Today, I mowed my yard. This was a big feat for me! This was the first time I've done it in nine years. The neighbor boys had been doing it. An... Sat, 24 May 2014 22:43:43 EST New scale.. not so sure My old digital scale finally died, I guess too many times of my dog and cats stomping or jumping on it. So I went out and bought a new one, different brand and different look. Got it home and tried it out. It seemed to work pretty good. This morning, I weighed myself and got 297. Woo hoo! But, me being me, I weighed myself again. 287. Now I know I didn't lose 10 pounds in 5 seconds, so I weigh again and get 298. Now I'm one of those that I have to have two numbers match before I will ... Mon, 19 May 2014 10:49:26 EST Body image and fears I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I see myself versus the reality of my weight and size. I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm technically morbidly obese. I say technically because I don't think it's possible for me to be healthy at the BMI that is suggested for my height. <BR> <BR> See, when I think about my body, this is what I think I look like: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> But, I really look like thi... Sat, 17 May 2014 17:41:44 EST Trying to figure it out The last week has been a rough one. I was pretty depressed on Mother's Day, missing my mom. My ex is trying to start more crap with me and all I want is for him to leave me the hell alone. Ah, the joy of life. <BR> <BR> Needless to say, I haven't been focusing on myself like I need to. But, I did have a small victory! I ordered pizza Sunday night and started to binge. I realized what I was doing and how it was going to make me feel later and I stopped. I didn't eat the whole thing i... Tue, 13 May 2014 14:37:32 EST Feeling better today Thank you all for the wonderful support and encouragement. Yesterday I was really down on myself but you all lifted my spirits. Today is a new day and I have a better perspective of things so I think it's a good time to lay out some basic goals and all. <BR> <BR> While I've put my target weight at 200, I know that I should be lower than that. But, I'm going to concentrate on losing 10 pounds at a time. It doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I know that there will be plateaus and I need t... Tue, 6 May 2014 14:43:41 EST Trying once again I am back again, unhappy with my weight and my life in general. I'm feeling very negative about myself right now but I don't want this to be a depressing post. <BR> <BR> The point is that it's time for me to take control of my life and change it. I've switched positions at work and am now working 3 pm to 11pm. I've went back to school to try to get out of the dead end job I'm in. I've dumped the boyfriend that was no good for me. Those were steps in the right direction, but now it's ... Mon, 5 May 2014 13:38:58 EST I'm back! I finally got my internet back today! It seems like it's been forever since I lost it. I'm so happy that I don't have to "borrow" someone else's wifi. <BR> <BR> I fell off the wagon since I didn't have any good way to check in here. But, I'm ready to start again. <BR> <BR> I asked my doc to up my dosage on one of my happy pills and she did. I'm feeling a lot better but that doesn't mean I'm going to not going to start therapy. There are some issues that I need to work through and hav... Sat, 22 Dec 2012 14:47:15 EST Quick update I've killed my modem and now need the cable company to come out and look at my connections. Sucks that I've lost my internet. I will be back when they get it fixed. <BR> <BR> I had my doctor's appointment yesterday. My cholesterol levels are good, my fasting blood glucose was in the normal range, and I've gained weight. Two out of three ain't bad. Doc was impressed that glucose was so good even though I've gained. Good news, I guess. <BR> <BR> I'm very depressed and have asked for a... Sat, 15 Dec 2012 20:25:52 EST Reality is about to slap me in the face, I think... Yesterday, I went in for bloodwork that I had to fast for. The doctor checks my glucose, cholesterol, and thyroid every year. Last year, she told me I was pre-diabetic. I'm already on meds for my cholesterol. And, I think she checks my thyroid to keep me quiet. lol Seriously, there have been thyroid issues in my family and I'm worried about it. <BR> <BR> I'm very worried about the glucose test since I haven't been able to maintain a good level of my carbs. I have always loved my car... Sun, 2 Dec 2012 10:51:24 EST Good day It was a really good day. I stayed within my ranges and I even got 30 minutes in on the treadmill. I was hungry when I got home, so I had some fruit and cheese. Although it didn't fill me up, it was enough to keep me from eating everything in sight. <BR> <BR> The only bad thing was actually getting up to go to work. It's so hard to get up early after four days of sleeping in. By 9 this morning, I was ready for a nap. But, I stayed busy enough to stay awake. <BR> <BR> I'm sure that... Mon, 26 Nov 2012 19:28:41 EST Short check in Yikes! It's been a week since I blogged last. I haven't logged any of my food since Monday and I haven't been very active either. But, I've lost a pound and a half since last Saturday. Woo hoo!! <BR> <BR> I don't think that I did too bad on Thanksgiving with my eating but we didn't have an elaborate spread either. I was really proud of the fact that I only had 1 piece of pie! Sadly, I went crazy. Anything sweet that I could get my hands on, I ate. But, today, I got back on track. I ... Sat, 24 Nov 2012 19:48:20 EST Aha moment about protein and carbs Thanks for all the great advise, everyone. I guess that I never knew the difference between complex and simple carbohydrates. I looked it up just now and was dumbfounded. I know what I've been doing wrong. I'm not eating enough complex and eating too many simple carbs. Then, I got to thinking about it. I was thinner and more regular when I ate a well-rounded meal for dinner. I need to eat more than just a pork chop and a banana, for example. <BR> <BR> As far as my protein goes, I us... Sat, 17 Nov 2012 19:30:17 EST A Question I've really had problems with overeating lately. It seems that I end up at the high end of my limits for calories, carbs and fat but at the low end for protein and fiber. How can you tell where your body is most happy within all of the ranges that SP suggests? Does anyone have any suggestions for getting more fiber and protein without adding a ton of everything else? <BR> <BR> Thanks! Wed, 14 Nov 2012 20:58:14 EST Had a Duh moment I had a surprise 4 day weekend last weekend. I had such big plans fo my time off too. I was going to clean the house, get my car remote start fixed, go for long walks since it was nice, and eat healthy. Yea, "was going to" is the key phrase here. <em>39</em> I got the car remote fixed. <BR> <BR> I didn't think ahead to have enough food in the house. And, since I won't drink the tap water, I didn't have any bottled water in the house either. I think we all know where this is head... Mon, 12 Nov 2012 21:02:59 EST Please be careful out there In the local newspaper this morning, there's an article about 5 people that are being charged in connection to an assault that took place on one of the bike paths. It wasn't a random crime, the victim knew at least some of his attackers. And, I'm sure there is more to the story than what was reported. <BR> <BR> But, it brings up the concern of safety. I like walking along this bike path; it's beautiful and most of the people you meet are very nice. But, it's also very secluded in many ar... Thu, 8 Nov 2012 09:44:11 EST Very short check in Overall today went good. I stayed within my ranges, actually feel like I've eaten too much. I got my 30 minutes in on the treadmill and I'm going to get some more chores done this evening. <BR> <BR> The down side was work. Things didn't start well, but I tried to make the best of it. What else is there to do? <BR> <BR> I think that maybe this flexible plan might just work. <em>334</em> Tue, 6 Nov 2012 20:48:38 EST My plans took a detour today So, in yesterday's blog, I said that I was going to get up early enough to get 30 minutes in on the treadmill before work. Well, that didn't happen! I swear my alarm clock is possessed! I made sure that it was set to the right time last night. I had the alarm set correctly. And, this morning, it read 5 but it was really 6. It had set itself back an hour- again! Needless to say, I had less than an hour to get ready for work and get there. I wasn't happy about it this morning, but now I... Mon, 5 Nov 2012 20:33:20 EST Back on track Something struck me today that changed my thinking. I'm not really sure what it was but it got me to stay on track today and even do 30 minutes on the treadmill. It really felt good to be moving. But, I'm disappointed in myself because I didn't stick with it before. <BR> <BR> While on the treadmill, I started thinking about how I was being more active than couch potatoes. One thing that had bothered me for a while was that someone said that if you weren't working hard enough if you did... Sun, 4 Nov 2012 19:59:00 EST Re-evaluating things I stayed within my ranges today! I've looked back over the last week's tracking and I see lots of room for improvement. First, I need to eat more protein. I don't know why this is an issue. I love meat I'm just not eating any. Instead, I've been eating way too many mixed nuts. My fat and carbs have been out of control too. And, I'm not eating a lot of freggies. No wonder I'm not losing weight! <BR> <BR> I also need to get back to walking regularly. I'm completely bored with my tr... Sat, 3 Nov 2012 21:42:51 EST Update Today was a bad day for eating. I ate about 1000 calories over my range. But, I think I've noticed a pattern. When I get home from work, I immediately start grazing. I'm going to try eating an apple with some cheese to see if that holds me over until dinner. <BR> <BR> I have a doctor's appointment around December 14th. My lab work needs to be done before then. I want to turn this bad trend around and lose some weight before my appointment. Nothing unreasonable, about 15 pounds. <B... Thu, 1 Nov 2012 21:28:46 EST Just checking in There's not much going on for me. I'm still overeating a little bit and not getting much exercise in. But my weight seems to be staying steady. After tomorrow, I will get back in the routine of doing what I need to. As with a lot of jobs, there is a big push at the end of the month to get more things done. So, I'm expecting another long day. <BR> <BR> Last Saturday I hit an all time record for me! I walked about 7 1/2 miles! Unluckily it wasn't somewhere with nice scenery, but it's... Tue, 30 Oct 2012 21:26:37 EST Update on job application I found out today that I didn't get the job that I had applied for. The reason I was given was the other person already does the job and so that made her the better candidate. I'm frustrated because I feel that I am stuck in the position I'm currently in and the only way out is to leave the company. After 18 years of being at the same company, the idea of finding a new job scares the hell out of me. But, I don't see any other choice. <BR> <BR> I haven't binged even though today wasn't ... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 19:54:26 EST Today Today had it's ups and downs. More drama at work, but there's no sense in going into it. I did turn in my application for the other position. I think the only thing that might hold me back is that a co worker is pregnant and due in December. It will take at least a month for my replacement to be trained, if I get the job. <BR> <BR> I overate again today. My eating is stress related. But, I did get some exercise in. The extra exercise helps my depression. And, with the weather being... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 21:09:21 EST Warning- Energy drinks I'm not a fan of energy drinks. I've heard a lot of bad things about them. A friend from the past said that her infant daughter's death was the result of the friend drinking these during her pregnancy. As she explained it, something in the drinks thickens the blood. Now, I want to make myself clear, this is what she told me. I'm not claiming it as fact. <BR> <BR> Recently, a 14 year old girl with heart problems died in Maryland after drinking 2 Monster energy drinks in 24 hours. Her pa... Mon, 22 Oct 2012 20:22:15 EST Boring update but checking in Not much new going on here. My life isn't very exciting and that's fine by me. <BR> <BR> I haven't been as strict with tracking my calorie intake the last few days. But, I trying to be conscious of what I've been eating. I've decided that I'm not going to deny myself of things that I like. You know, the whole idea of moderation. <BR> <BR> I'm trying to move more. I'm not exercising, by definition. Even when watching TV, I still try to move around. The idea of "exercise" makes me c... Sun, 21 Oct 2012 18:44:28 EST Bake sale at work and problem with my cpap Some days it just doesn't pay to go to work. There was a bake sale at work today for United Way. While I think it's a great way to raise money, it didn't help me watch what I eat. I ended up eating 2 brownies, 1 half moon cookie, 3 pumpkin spice cookies, and 3 hershey kiss cookies. Of course this wasn't all at one time. But, can anyone say sugar high?!?! I will track everything I ate and it's back on the wagon tomorrow. <BR> <BR> My dog woke me up this morning at 3:45. I wasn't comp... Thu, 18 Oct 2012 21:56:24 EST Today- decision on job I applied for and other things I found out today that I didn't get the job. The person that I felt was more qualified got it and I'm happy for him. I'm actually kinda relieved because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn't really interested in it afterall. But, when they post for his job, I will be applying. I think that I am better suited for that position anyway. Although I would still be under my current supervisor and manager, I would be able to get clearer answers to my questions. It wou... Wed, 17 Oct 2012 21:21:27 EST It was a good day Thanks for the kind words, everyone. Today was a good day. Although I overate, the only "bad" food I ate was a bad of Lay's baked potato chips. I can accept that. It's a step in the right direction. The next step is to get back to exercising. <BR> <BR> I had my interview today. I'm not sure what to think. The supervisor of that department knows me pretty well and knows that I'm not happy where I'm at right now. He doesn't want me take the position if I'm not going to be happy ther... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 21:20:16 EST Random thoughts I apologize for not keeping up with everyone, I am very bad at doing that. I've been such a bad friend to you all. I am deeply sorry for that. <BR> <BR> I've gained 6 pounds since I've updated my weight last. <em>234</em> I'm angry and disappointed in myself. But, I'm still here trying! I know that there's no good excuse for it. But, I think I've stumbled across something. As the weather gets cooler, I am craving carbs like crazy. They are my downfall and explains my gain. I'... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 15:43:41 EST Applied for a new position at work After much thought, I applied for a new position within the company. It's not what I really want to do, but the stress wouldn't be so bad. <BR> <BR> There are many reasons I want to leave my department. There is a lot of double standards and favoritism. I can never get straight answers from my supervisor or manager. The company won't hire more people for the department even though we need it. Quite simply, the stress is overwhelming. So much so that I slept for over 20 hours from Fri... Sun, 7 Oct 2012 18:24:20 EST I am not perfect... keep telling myself that This morning I woke up early to get some time in on the treadmill. Got 30 minutes to be exact. I felt pretty good all day long. But, when I came home, I started eating. None of it would have been bad by itself, but together- not so much. Now I'm feeling stuffed and annoyed with myself. <BR> <BR> I realized that I'm expecting perfection from myself. While I know that's not possible, I can't seem to break the thought process. Yeah, I overate and I knew what I was doing when I did it.... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 21:29:26 EST Refocusing.... again I've allowed my job to become a bigger priority than my health. I realized that last week after not being able to make sense out of something simple. A classic case of mental exhaustion. I'm reprioritizing my life once again and my job isn't going to be at the top of the list. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I got back on the treadmill after what seems to be forever. It felt really good after I got past the mental block of being bored. Today, I've been doing some stretching and core exercises. An... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 20:37:57 EST Am I the only one? Sometimes I just feel so alone. I read blogs about how good people are doing and think that I'm the only one that's having a lot of problems staying motivated. <BR> <BR> Since July I've really had problems sticking to getting healthier. Just last week, I had fast food at least twice because I was too tired (and lazy) to get something healthier. I look at exercise as a chore. I am in a downward spiral and not liking it. <BR> <BR> I'm still fighting though. At least I keep coming bac... Sun, 30 Sep 2012 14:37:45 EST A couple of small victories! After another crazy day at work and running a bunch of errands, I finallly got to the grocery store. Of course, being tired and kinda hungry is never a good time to go. But I made it through without doing too bad. My victory was staying out of the freezer section and away from the ice cream and frozen yogurt! I didn't get everything I needed, but I got enough to make due. <BR> <BR> Some coworkers have been bad influences on me. They get things out of the vending machines at break. Th... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 21:10:08 EST