LILLIPUTIANNA's SparkPeople Blog LILLIPUTIANNA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Disenchanted I have been on SP for years. <BR> <BR> YEARS. <BR> <BR> It's no longer working. No matter how much water I drink, no matter how closely I watch what I eat, no matter how long I ride my bike, or how far I walk, I GAIN weight. It's not even a matter of staying at one weight and not going lower. I am GAINING weight. <BR> <BR> On my most indulgent days, I eat 1800 calories, you know...what doctors recommend we eat. And I only eat that much if I have exercised like a mad woman. <BR> <BR> I'd ... Wed, 28 Jun 2017 12:29:57 EST What Part Of The Unicorn Is That From? <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So Starbucks has a new drink. It's a unicorn frappuccino. I don't understand how anyone over the age of 12 could possibly enjoy drinking something that looked like that. I can already feel the headache that much sugar would give me. <BR> <BR> Tue, 18 Apr 2017 10:43:59 EST What's My Line? I have had the stomach flu for several days and this line from Devil Wears Prada keeps running through my head. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 1 Mar 2017 10:58:58 EST Fasting is Fun! Spark People posted an article about Intermittent fasting, and my eating disorder senses started tingling. Of course I read the whole article. My instinctual reaction to it is... <BR> <BR> You want to see fasting? I'll show you fasting! <BR> <BR> (For the record, I have no intention of fasting, but as someone who has had eating disorders since...forever, I see articles like this as some sort of dare.) <BR> <BR> <link><BR>on_articles.asp?id=2083 </link> Fri, 27 Jan 2017 10:35:46 EST I Can't Even... <img src=""> <BR> <BR> There's a local ice cream shop that makes these. It's about three minutes away, by car. They also make warm donuts stuffed with ice cream. They have frequent ads on Facebook. So, I have to see their food porn often. <BR> <BR> I am equally horrified and fascinated by the obscene, American-styled decadence of this thing. <BR> <BR> I honestly don't think I could actually eat one. Thu, 5 Jan 2017 10:08:56 EST Whole 30 Woo <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I've written about my workplace here before. It's filled with people who work very hard to be "fit." Fitness is everything. I am exactly 6 pounds overweight, and I am considered heavy. I am given looks of pity, because I've "let myself go." They all run marathons, cross country ski, hike the Pacific Crest Trail, or climb Mt. Kilimanjaro. Being overweight, let alone obese, is a mortal sin, a ... Sun, 11 Dec 2016 11:35:57 EST Marriage Related Rant My husband complains. <BR> <BR> He complains about his job. <BR> <BR> He complains about politics. <BR> <BR> He complains about being sick (he's had a cold supposedly for over a month now). <BR> <BR> He complains about the dogs. <BR> <BR> He complains about his family. <BR> <BR> He complains about my family. <BR> <BR> He complains about money. <BR> <BR> He complains about driving to work. <BR> <BR> He complains about riding the bus. <BR> <BR> He complains about the heat. <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 18 Nov 2016 20:07:53 EST (In)Constant Craving I realized that it takes me about 21 days to get rid of cravings entirely. I don't crave anything. I don't crave sugar. I don't crave junk food. I used to think it took two weeks for that, but turns out it's three. <BR> <BR> Don't get me wrong, I will still get kind of out-of-control hungry, where my body very suddenly demands food, but it's definitely hunger...not cravings. <BR> <BR> It makes me wonder if craving is just a habit. If it's biological, where is the switch in my brain that tur... Fri, 23 Sep 2016 10:14:20 EST Cold Shoulder It's weird how we all lose weight in different ways. Some of us lose fat in our legs first. Other lose it in their face. While other people hate that they lose it in their stomachs only after losing it everywhere else first. <BR> <BR> I lose it in my face first. <BR> <BR> But today, I rubbed my shoulder, and realized they (my shoulders) had lost their chub. It's such a weird place to store fat, but it's leaner today. <BR> <BR> (For the record, the last place I lose weight is my thighs. I... Tue, 20 Sep 2016 10:36:50 EST Of Frauds and Shams Dear Sparkers, <BR> <BR> I've been seeing this article float around a lot lately. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ing/?utm_content=inf_10_1163_2&tse_id=<BR>INF_bf1b35a07bb411e6bf8e470556fe0b22 </link> <BR> <BR> Now, my professional training is in photography, art, and media. That's what I did for years. (Now I sit at a desk and manage photography, art, and media instead of creating it.) <BR> <BR> What I need to explain to you right now is very important. The p... Fri, 16 Sep 2016 11:13:08 EST Big News About Biggest Losers Did you read the New York Times article on the Biggest Loser long term results? Excellent stuff. Though it is perhaps a little troubling, because it seems that there may be little we can do to fight our bodies. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>ggest-loser-weight-loss.html </link> <BR> <BR> There's also a response article, containing readers as well as doctors' remarks regarding the topic. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>aders-respond-the... Thu, 5 May 2016 11:25:56 EST Feeling Fatty No...I'm not feeling fatty. I'm craving fat...apparently. <BR> <BR> This last week, my macronutrients have been favoring a much higher dose of fats than normal. Usually, I'm heavy on the carbs (because I'm a vegetarian and that's how we roll). <BR> <BR> I'm just going to ride it out and see what happens. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 6 Apr 2016 20:02:27 EST Be Mine...I Guess Valentine's Day. As I get older, I feel more and more like it's some sort of trap. <BR> <BR> I don't enjoy it. <BR> <BR> It's not because I'm single. I've been married quite a while now. <BR> <BR> I got him a present. We'll probably go out to dinner or something on Sunday. <BR> <BR> My trouble is, no matter what I do, it isn't enough. If I buy him a card, he'll be disappointed that I didn't MAKE a card for him (I'm an artist...and people expect me to make things for them). If I buy a ... Sat, 13 Feb 2016 11:36:18 EST Snack Time! Starbucks has started selling pretty little, non-GMO snacks. It makes me happy. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 27 Jan 2016 11:18:29 EST Mystery I've lost 1/2 a pound in the last month...but two inches almost every where. <BR> <BR> This would be fine, if I was exercising and building muscle, but I'm not exercising at all (other than running around, doing my job). <BR> <BR> Bodies are weird things. <BR> <BR> Sat, 23 Jan 2016 12:40:15 EST An Avocado a Day I always enjoy a brightly colored informational graphic. <BR> <BR> I'm so happy...because I'm an avocado! I love avocados! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 6 Jan 2016 10:41:05 EST The Times They Are A'Changin' This is a good read if you are so inclined. The world is changing. Be strong. Don't shrink. <BR> <BR> <link><BR>th-magazine-to-stop-putting-bikini-bod<BR>y-and-drop-2-sizes-on-cover#.P7eY2vxGC </link> Sat, 2 Jan 2016 12:06:02 EST Ghosts in the Pantry I had a super cool panic-eating incident just a bit ago. <BR> <BR> Panic-eating is like binge eating, but with a certain amount of anxiety attached to it. The feeling that there's no food and that there never will be food again takes over my brain. <BR> <BR> Before I started fixing my dinner, I looked to see what was in the fridge. Usually, I keep the fridge stocked with staples. But I didn't get to go grocery shopping on Sunday. So, my supplies are low. <BR> <BR> I grew up PO... Wed, 4 Nov 2015 18:35:11 EST Thick Today my ankles didn't feel thick. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> (It helps to wear chunky shoes.) Wed, 14 Oct 2015 22:02:47 EST The Starving Artist Yesterday, I turned a painting in to an art show. It was an "outsider" art show (in case you are an'll know what that means). It's a pretty great space. Lots of traffic. Good vibe. All the usual stuff people say about such shows. <BR> <BR> It's for the Halloween season. <BR> <BR> Normally, I avoid public display of my artwork. The exception is Facebook (I share stuff there), and academic settings. I've been in plenty of university level shows. But as far as commercial gallerie... Fri, 9 Oct 2015 11:07:42 EST Being Small How can we become something greater, when all we can think about is becoming smaller? <BR> <BR> Who wants to be small? <BR> <BR> Who doesn't want to be small? <BR> <BR> I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "I want to be HEALTHY. I don't want to be small." <BR> <BR> But are you sure about that? <BR> <BR> Would you be happy if you were 50 pounds overweight, but healthy? <BR> <BR> I mean, really... <BR> <BR> Would you? <BR> <BR> Where I work, people talk a lot about being "fit."... Sun, 27 Sep 2015 12:16:05 EST The Downward Spiral Even though lately I have been resisting the idea of trigger warnings, I am going to issue a trigger warning for this blog. The reasons for my resistance to the concept are for another time and another blog. <BR> <BR> **TRIGGER WARNING** <BR> <BR> <BR> Right off the bat, I need to say that eating disorders never go away. Once they are established, you are stuck with them. Research says this. Studies say this. Over and over we find that once the patterns are established they remain through... Sat, 5 Sep 2015 16:14:25 EST Reality is Overrated Today's just one of those days when I want to get whisked away to a magical land, because being a grown-up sucks. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Thu, 27 Aug 2015 22:25:52 EST On Track Four pounds in three weeks. That puts me right on track. I wish it was as easy as twenty more weeks equals twenty more pounds. (It's never that easy.) Sun, 23 Aug 2015 11:56:53 EST Visuals There are a few numbers that roll around in my head. Right now the big one for me is 142. That's my current weight. It is ten pounds overweight for me. I tend to think of myself as being freakishly large. I know that's not the case. So, I have to check BMI visualizer programs to get an idea of where I'm at. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> This is 142. <BR> <BR> Now, I need to state, for vanity's sake, that my breasts... Sat, 15 Aug 2015 13:06:05 EST Baby Fit Three weeks of doing everything right. Not only have I not lost any weight. I've gained a pound. <BR> <BR> Now, save me the "it's water weight" or "maybe you aren't measuring things correctly" speeches. I did have salty chips last night...but that doesn't explain the rest of the three weeks when the scale didn't budge a smidge...until today when the number went up. (And for the record, I've been here at SP for a long time...So, it's not like I expected everything to magically happen in three... Fri, 14 Aug 2015 11:31:06 EST Cast Adrift All the articles Spark People has posted on my homepage for me to read are old. In internet terms, they are super old. <BR> <BR> 2012? Seriously? Do they need writers? Has SP been run by the fitness advice version of Hal 2000 since 2012? <BR> <BR> I'm starting to worry that we are adrift on a ship that has no captain nor crew. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Mon, 20 Apr 2015 18:15:50 EST Hitting the Mark I just saw a blog about how aiming for perfection was a bad thing. <BR> <BR> I don't believe that. I thought I believed that, but it turns out I don't. <BR> <BR> Part of being alive is the struggle to become something better. When we give up, when we settle, that's when we start to fall apart. <BR> <BR> You can settle if you want to, but I don't want to. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sun, 19 Apr 2015 16:19:05 EST You Need A New Point Of View <img src=""> Thu, 19 Mar 2015 13:37:22 EST Rockin' It Go Kaleo speaking truth. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 18 Mar 2015 12:41:11 EST Victory Garden I just had the realization that if I work in my garden for 90 minutes every day, I can eat an insane* amount of calories. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> *Insane is a relative term and is used in the context of being a person who has had eating disorders most of her life. Also, gardening is an exercise on the Spark People fitness tracker. It burns a lot of calories. You should use it. I highly recommend it. Sun, 15 Mar 2015 23:50:16 EST A Stranger's Drink I drink coffee every morning. My body requires it. Without it, I would probably die. You think I'm exaggerating. Well, stop thinking and read my story. <BR> <BR> I went to S_____ks this morning. (Fill in the blank, Sparkers. They make coffee. They like green mermaids. I hope we're on the same page now.) I ordered my usual iced venti soy latte. Everyone there knows me. One of the girls said hi to me, chit-chatted, and then handed me my drink. She handed it to me. I trust her. So, I took it. I... Sat, 14 Mar 2015 11:41:09 EST The Politics of Housework Sunday is the day I do most of my housecleaning. I could work on it all week, and get it done slowly, in little chunks, but I don't. I'm sure most of you know how this is. I work. I shuttle people back and forth to school. I fix dinner. By evening, what "free time" I have is spent staring at the wall. <BR> <BR> This last week was particularly taxing. I'm recovering from a seriously sprained ankle. Work has been filled with hectic political shenanigans. "The Boys" (the males who live in my ho... Sun, 8 Mar 2015 17:42:37 EST Goals... The Oatmeal is a fountain of wisdom. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Tue, 23 Sep 2014 15:55:00 EST What's That Elephant Doing In Our Room? I see this so often. <BR> <BR> Don't be afraid of REAL food! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Fri, 12 Sep 2014 17:00:35 EST Playing Hooky Today I will be playing hooky from work. <BR> <BR> I'm not going to get in trouble or anything. <BR> <BR> I just can't handle people today. <BR> <BR> I've told you in previous posts about my coworkers, my "friends." They are difficult to handle when I'm in a good mood. Today, I have no ability at all to deal with their weirdness. <BR> <BR> Especially after yesterday, with the strangers and new workers asking me what I want to be when I grow up, as I was standing in front of them, knee d... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 10:28:44 EST A Butcher, A Baker, A Candlestick Maker... Today is the day when complete strangers give me the "what do you want to be when you grow up" speech. Never mind that I'm a grown adult, with a union job, who has to wear nice shoes to work, has to sit through meetings, or that I'm in a field that is in high demand. Apparently, something about me today is giving off the "unsure young adult" vibe. <BR> <BR> I figured by now that people would start treating me like a grown up. I have tons of white hairs. I have some wrinkles. I'm not a size ... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 15:56:12 EST The Case Of The Missing Data I'm starting to think it's strange that I can't find long-term success rate data regarding Spark People. I can find it for Weight Watchers. I can find it for AA. Heck, I can find it for Biggest Loser. <BR> <BR> Surely there's been a study done on this. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> (I ask this, because I'm not feeling so Sparky, and I'm thinking for all the talk of a lifestyle change/not a diet, that this is just one more diet, dr... Mon, 14 Jul 2014 11:24:58 EST More Fun With Mommy Dearest Today will not be a good day. <BR> <BR> You know how you wake up some mornings and you just KNOW it will be a bad day? <BR> <BR> That's today. <BR> <BR> I didn't lose any weight this week. <BR> <BR> I have to spend the day with my mother, for her birthday. If you have read any of my other blogs, you know that spending time with my mother is a bit like spending time in a nest of angry rattlesnakes...but less cuddly. She wants to go out to eat. It's an Italian place she wants to try. There... Sun, 13 Jul 2014 12:05:24 EST Lucky Level 13 <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> Today, I hit Level 13 here on Spark People. <BR> <BR> I'm writing this blog to remind myself that in order to see progress, to "level up," all I have to do is show up, drink my water, enter my food, do a tiny bit of exercise. Pushing myself harder and going to extremes does not bring about progress faster. It only leads to a crash and burn. <BR> <BR> In one week I have... <BR> <BR> 1. Lost 2.5 pounds. (Y... Mon, 7 Jul 2014 12:28:59 EST Food For Thought I don't eat McDonalds fries. I don't eat McDonalds anything. However, this picture makes me wonder just how many strawberries I could eat before feeling sick and never wanting to eat another strawberry again. I'm fairly sure I wouldn't make it to 114. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Mon, 30 Jun 2014 12:11:46 EST Water Balloon Water weight is so weird. Losing three pounds in three days is deceiving. I usually carry about five pounds of water weight when I'm stressed. I understand biology and metabolisms...but that water weight thing is always baffling to me. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sun, 25 May 2014 13:04:34 EST Pity Party Today's my birthday. It's been terrible. <BR> <BR> For months now, I've been pushed and prodded into doing more work, into promoting myself, into doing things that make me uncomfortable. I thought that maybe the people who have been demanding would at least show me a little appreciation on my birthday. Nope. Most of them forgot. In fact, today seemed like an after-thought to my husband. <BR> <BR> When it comes to everyone else's birthday, I have to be the super-party planner rock star. If ... Thu, 24 Apr 2014 17:59:39 EST Reality Check Twelve pounds. That’s it. Just twelve. That’s all I need to lose to reach my goal. I’ve been staring at that goal for years. <BR> <BR> When I log into Sparkpeople, I see articles about people who lost 50, 100, 250 pounds. I read about their horrifying health issues that prompted them to lose that weight. I recognize that my twelve pounds is pretty pathetic. I feel guilty for being so petty. Twelve pounds is nothing. <BR> <BR> There are people here on SP, who if all they had to lose was twe... Sun, 30 Mar 2014 12:44:09 EST The Sparker Without Spark Yes…I've been gone a while. Sorry. I promise not to wander away again! <BR> <BR> But that's not what this blog is about. <BR> <BR> Every once in a while, I run into a Sparker who seems to be filled with nothing but vitriol. They are angry. They know everything. You know nothing. AND they feel the need to yell at you about it. <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I literally had a Sparker yell all in caps at me about something…and I jus... Sat, 25 Jan 2014 23:17:08 EST Straying From The Path I wandered away. I haven't recorded my food for days. I haven't officially exercised in I don't know how long...and I've paid the price for it. My jeans are a little more snug. My head's a little cloudy. My skin isn't glowing. I'm a mess really. <BR> <BR> You should have seen the food I was eating! I have a friend who is a Nutrition professor, and she says, "There are no GOOD foods or BAD foods," but I think she may be lying about that. I definitely ate some bad food. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img ... Fri, 4 Oct 2013 11:13:51 EST Arguments and the Uncomfortable Couch So, last night, my husband and I had an argument. We don't often have arguments. I am always amazed at how often I see other couples arguing. I figure their lives must be pretty miserable, with all that conflict and yelling and crap. <BR> <BR> At any rate, we had one of our rare arguments last night. There was NO way I was going to sleep in the same bed as him. Truly, I was furious. If he had stood closer to me, I would have kicked him in the shins. I was the kind of mad that my mom used to ... Sun, 22 Sep 2013 11:09:24 EST The Tide Turns Well, yesterday went well. <BR> <BR> It went better than expected, in fact. <BR> <BR> I wore my outfit, with my size 4 Banana Republic denim skirt, and my horizontally striped, brightly colored shirt. Nobody ran away, shrieking in terror. In fact, I received compliments on how lovely I looked. My hair seemed to be the subject of much brave I was to cut it all off and how flattering it was to my face. <BR> <BR> My coworkers were all chummy and in high spirits. <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 23 Aug 2013 15:24:18 EST Tomorrow's Battle Well Sparkers, I am trying to be brave. <BR> <BR> I am trying to do new things. I am trying to do things that I used to do every day, but I've forgotten how to do, because somehow I lost my sense of self. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow, at work, we will have a big shindig. We do this twice a year. I have avoided it like the plague for the last seven years. THIS year, I want to force myself to go. It's ridiculous that I don't go. I started hiding to avoid certain people (see my last blog), and I got stu... Wed, 21 Aug 2013 23:01:43 EST Dispatch From My Dark Corner Well, Sparkers... <BR> <BR> ...I'm sitting here, hiding in my dark corner, at work. If you've read some of my other blogs, you might know that I have one former friend who always gives me crap about my weight, and a former best friend who gets a little creepy sometimes. They are both members of the same committee, and they will be attending a meeting in the room right next to my work area, just as soon as they've finished up with lunch. <BR> <BR> I've already run into the one who gives me c... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 15:36:11 EST