LILBLKDRESS09's SparkPeople Blog LILBLKDRESS09's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Time for changes I have gained back some of my weight. But I am not letting it get to me. Life happens and things don't always go as planned but never let it get the best of you. <BR> <BR> August is bringing some big changes into my life. <BR> <BR> 1. My youngest daughter starts kindergarten ( I started on spark people the year she was born) <BR> 2. My family and I got ourselves our own apartment ( we have always lived with roommates) <BR> 3. I am done having to start over. <BR> <BR> It is time to change... Fri, 31 Jul 2015 12:25:50 EST The little things matter I am not where I want to be physically but I am closer today then I was yesterday! <BR> <BR> Happy Tuesday Everyone! Tue, 28 Jul 2015 11:33:54 EST Everyday that you try Is an accomplishment... applaud yourself for trying most people wont even make that much effort. <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone! Fri, 24 Jul 2015 12:28:50 EST Looking on the bright side I don't always do so great when it comes to food choices when I am stressed, but I also do great bouncing back. <BR> <BR> I will never give up no matter what! Tue, 21 Jul 2015 19:55:44 EST Feeling stuck Sometimes it feels like there is no progress being made... when the weight doesn't come off as easy as you would like. <BR> <BR> Just keep pushing forward! Wed, 15 Jul 2015 11:32:29 EST Just go for it It is so easy to put it off until tomorrow.. but just get it over with and do it today. <BR> <BR> Happy Tuesday Everyone! Tue, 14 Jul 2015 11:40:10 EST I am ready for this This week is going to be awesome. I feel really good today. I am finally over the little cold that I had last week. I am hoping that this week I will make it back down to 215 if I do I see a new pair of shoes in my future :) <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! <BR> <BR> <em>104</em> Mon, 13 Jul 2015 12:07:43 EST Something has to change I was reading my journals from 2 years ago. It was a big eye opener for me. I am still in the same place that I was then. I still have the same goals and the same stress's in my life. It got me thinking. <BR> <BR> I can't expect change if I am still doing the same things that I was then. I don't want to read back on my journal 2 years from now and still be in the same place. There are so many things that I want to accomplish in my life. And as I get older I am starting to realize that it al... Fri, 10 Jul 2015 12:07:16 EST How do you deal with... a negative spouse? My husband is so critical and so negative regarding everything that is happening in our lives.. <BR> <BR> Debt <BR> Kids <BR> work <BR> health <BR> money <BR> food <BR> <BR> anything and everything you name it. <BR> <BR> I can't take it anymore. <BR> Thu, 2 Jul 2015 19:29:57 EST Day 32: Feels so good I am going 32 days strong, and I am feeling so awesome! I just hope that I can keep it up for the rest of July. <BR> <BR> Big changes in July I am hoping. Thu, 2 Jul 2015 16:39:05 EST Day 31: July is here I have made it a month of coming back and going strong. I am looking forward to July and maybe finally getting below 215. I will skip up and down the hall when that happens. <BR> <BR> Happy Hump Day Everyone! <BR> <BR> <em>362</em> Wed, 1 Jul 2015 11:19:29 EST Day 30: Almost a month in I am going on 1 month strong of getting back into the grove of things. I must say that I already feel the differences in my clothes and energy level. <BR> <BR> My trainer had me drop my carbs down to 130 and pump up my protein. I am finding it hard to eat more calories without adding more frustrating so much easier to just eat and not worry about it, but that is how I got to where I am. Tue, 30 Jun 2015 12:04:52 EST Day 24: Yoga I did yoga this morning for the first time in 2 years, it was very relaxing. I am glad to be getting back into a routine.. no longer feeling sluggish or depressed. Another plus.. I don't need that morning cup of coffee anymore. <BR> <BR> Happy Hump Day Everyone! <BR> <BR> <em>334</em> Wed, 24 Jun 2015 11:39:04 EST Day 23: Keep your eye on the prize It's easy to get derailed and it's easy to give into the sweets and into the familiar actions that got you into the situation that your in currently.. <BR> <BR> I am done being where I am <BR> <BR> I am ready to make my life what I want it to be. <BR> <BR> Happy Tuesday everyone! Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:14:01 EST Day 22: Wont see results if you don't change I have heard it before.. if you keep doing what you have always done then nothing will change.. this is so true so I am committing like I have never done before. <BR> <BR> I have 1 1/2 years left until I turn 30 and I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish before then <BR> <BR> 1. Get to 150lbs <BR> 2. Be enrolled and accepted into Nursing program <BR> 3. Pay off more then 50% of debt <BR> 4. Still be married <BR> <BR> This is the list that I have so far.. <BR> <BR> Another change... Mon, 22 Jun 2015 11:50:35 EST Day 18: Just keep going One of the toughest things about trying to lose weight is not to lose hope and to keep going. Some days are easier and some days are harder. But I need to keep going because unlike all the other times before I want to see the finish line. <BR> <BR> I am determined to cross it! Thu, 18 Jun 2015 14:24:41 EST Day: 17 Stress I am one of those people. I stress about everything... I mean everything. From what to wear to what I am eating. To how long I am taking on any particular task. I drive my husband nuts because I tend to get irrational when I get into a stress frenzy. <BR> <BR> There are things that I want to change in my life... but stressing about them will not make them go away. So enough of the bitching and now its time for action. <BR> <BR> Stress is one of the many factors as to why I retain weight.. b... Wed, 17 Jun 2015 12:45:51 EST Day 16: Taking my life back My husband and I had a real heart to heart this past weekend. ( while he was sober) I explained to him how I felt( without getting overly emotion or angry) I also explained to him that he needs to get help. I also told him that the drinking is starting to take a toll on not just our marriage but also the children. <BR> <BR> I suggested a temporary separation if things don't get better... He doesn't want to do that. I want to believe him I really do. But only time will tell. <BR> <BR> I am... Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:57:28 EST Day 15: I did it I did it I finally did a workout that lasted 1 hour. It felt so great.. I really needed it. I forget and I think that we all do sometimes how much an hour workout can help you manage your stress and anxiety. <BR> <BR> I have gained some weight back these last couple of months.. 7 lbs to be exact. But I am not beating myself up too much. I know that it was due to stress and that I was not coping with it in the most productive way, but instead in the most natural way that I know how.. Eating!... Mon, 15 Jun 2015 11:50:48 EST Day 13: Always a worrywart I have always been the one who over analyzes everything. I get overwhelmed easily. I always think that I am going to lose my job, or that I am a bad mother. I am always trying to perfect all my actions. When I act out from emotion I feel like a failure <BR> <BR> I try to be an optimist but somehow always end up being a real downer. <BR> <BR> I need to fix that. I need to focus more on the good and stop expecting the worst. <BR> <BR> Have a great Saturday Everyone. Sat, 13 Jun 2015 13:53:28 EST Day 10: Making small changes I am having trouble readjusting my schedule so that I can continue to workout. But last night I ran sprints in my back yard and I lifted free weights. I cleaned out the spare room and dusted off my workout dvd's and I am ready to get back to it. <BR> <BR> I miss the gym but I can't go everyday.. I am readjusting my plan and moving forward. I have goals and I need to keep focused. <BR> <BR> <BR> I feel like focusing on improving my health, it will help me cope with my husbands alcoholism.... Wed, 10 Jun 2015 12:35:16 EST Day 9: Realizing that I need help I joined an on-line al-anon support group almost 2 years ago and never went back after the introduction. I foolishly thought that I didn't need it or that maybe my husband wasn't really an alcoholic. I was in denial. <BR> <BR> I went back yesterday and I have purchased some books. I am ready to do this. <BR> <BR> I grew up with an alcoholic step mother. She was very violent and physically abusive. So I always told myself.. at least he doesn't hit me.... or at least he doesn't get stupid dr... Tue, 9 Jun 2015 11:21:33 EST Day 8: Emotional rollercoaster My husband is an alcoholic and it is silly and pointless of me to think that I can help him. I am only hurting myself in the process. I am tired of having arguments with him while he is intoxicated only to have him remember nothing the next morning. <BR> <BR> Most recently he is becoming verbally abusive. He gets angry with me when I try to control the situation when he is acting out in public while intoxicated. He asked for a divorce this weekend and said a lot other things that are not w... Mon, 8 Jun 2015 11:46:41 EST Day 5: Don't give up never give up! <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Friday everyone! Fri, 5 Jun 2015 13:37:54 EST Day 4: Thirsty Maybe it's just hormones.. I am so thirsty today... <BR> <BR> Happy Thursday everyone! Thu, 4 Jun 2015 13:04:01 EST Day 3: So tired No matter how much sleep I try to get I have been super exhausted lately. I can't put my finger on it.. I have no energy. <BR> <BR> Happy Hump Day everyone! Wed, 3 Jun 2015 11:27:18 EST Day 2: Letting go I have the tendency to take everything to heart. Whenever my husband is having a bad day and lashes out at me, I tend to take it personal. I am done taking it personal. I need to realize that the hurtful things that he says are not always true. <BR> Tue, 2 Jun 2015 11:21:36 EST Here we go.... Day 1 of my 30 days dedicated to me and my health. Mon, 1 Jun 2015 14:39:16 EST Why I don't count Calories I was first introduced to calorie counting in 2009 right after having my daughter. I felt like such a failure for not losing the weight fast enough even though I was counting everything that went into my mouth. I began to get depressed and scale obsessed. <BR> <BR> I was on a yo-yo. I would lose some gain back more. After I did a whole 30 last year. I re-taught myself to eat. I no longer count calories. Instead I am mindful of hydration ( drink enough water) and portions. I am mindful of ho... Wed, 20 May 2015 12:35:12 EST Day's 4-8 of the whole 30 I made it to day 5 this time. But then I realized that I had run out of the foods that I could eat at home and I had run out of money in the bank. My husband and I are trying to buy a home so we are on a budget. I decided that I am going to do the best that I can for this whole 30. I don't think it possible at this time to eliminate all the food groups that are recommended. So I am going to focus on the sugar. I am going to continue the whole 30 as eliminating the artificial sugars. <BR> <B... Tue, 12 May 2015 11:25:48 EST Day 3 of the whole 30 I am not feeling so hot today. Have a little bit of a cold and want to just drink some hot chocolate. It's ok though.. I am determined to get my 30 days in. <BR> <BR> Have a great day everyone. Thu, 7 May 2015 11:40:25 EST Day 2 of the whole 30 No one should be responsible for how you view your self or your body. Often we allow others opinions of us to define how we see ourselves. It took me a long time to get over all of the negative things that were said about me. <BR> <BR> But once I did, a whole new world of possibilities opened up. It was possible for me to be beautiful and not thin.. and it was possible for me to be healthy and not thin. Suddenly being thin was not the objective anymore. Being healthy was. <BR> <BR> Don't a... Wed, 6 May 2015 11:21:58 EST Day 1 of the Whole 30 My mom has been here for a week and I decided to restart my whole 30 since I have over indulged... a little ( ok a lot) but that is what life is about. It's about the moments that make up some of your most precious memories. <BR> <BR> I try not to beat myself up regarding my food choices. I know that this is a lifestyle change not a diet. I am no hurry to look like a model. I want to be healthy and feel my best all the time. That way I can be an inspiration and a rock for my family. <BR> <... Tue, 5 May 2015 13:05:07 EST Day 5 of the whole 30 I am a little tired today. But I think it is because I was up all night with sick babies. On the plus side I feel a lot less bloated today and my jeans fit better. Only 25 days to go I know that I can do this. I have done it before. The best advice I have heard so far.. is to take it day by day try not to dwell on future events. My mom is visiting next week and I am dreading trying to stick to the program. But then I remind myself that I stuck to the program during Thanksgiving and Christmas ... Fri, 24 Apr 2015 12:07:20 EST Day's 3-4 of The whole 30 I didn't write yesterday I was just too grumpy.. the lack of sugar was really getting to me. I even had a dream that I was eating chocolate cake lol. But today I have woken up in a much better mood. I feel re-energized. ( I don't remember struggling this much the fist time I did the whole 30) <BR> <BR> Happy Thursday everyone! <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>386</em> Thu, 23 Apr 2015 12:18:35 EST Day 2 : of the Whole 30 I didn't think that I would be missing it this much. But I miss the little bit of sugar that I was consuming in my coffee every morning. <BR> <BR> 28 days to go :) Tue, 21 Apr 2015 12:41:55 EST Today Marks day One: ( Whole 30) Right before Thanksgiving I did a whole 30 challenge it was great I felt great. I have kept up with my new ways of eating pretty well. I allow one day of the week of eating out. I want to attempt another whole 30. I am doing this mostly to inspire my family. My husband is starting to want to eat better and I want to help establish good eating habits in my children. The first time around I did the whole 30 for me. But this time I am doing it for my family. If they see that I can do it. Then th... Mon, 20 Apr 2015 12:48:38 EST The compliments I used to wait around for the compliments to start, as if hearing " Wow you lost weight." Would somehow magically make my self esteem sky rocket.. that somehow hearing other people say it...then I would start to believe that I was beautiful. <BR> <BR> But this time around it has had the opposite effect. I no longer wait around for the compliments. I already know that I am beautiful and I love my body just as it is. When I hear a compliment now... I simply say thank you. <BR> <BR> But I no l... Fri, 17 Apr 2015 10:57:41 EST Here's the thing... I am not perfect. I am far from it. It is a daily struggle to take care of myself and to try and make better choices for my body. I try not to dwell on pounds and how big I think I may be. I try to treat myself with kindness...but it doesn't always end up that way. <BR> <BR> I need to remember to tell myself that I am worth it.. and I am telling you too. You are worth it!!! <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Friday! Fri, 10 Apr 2015 13:51:33 EST It's ok to be you You are beautiful and unique. You are perfect just how you are. <BR> <BR> It took me many years to finally believe this message for myself. But it is true for every single one of you out there. <BR> <BR> I stopped focusing on the numbers.. and began to focus on me. I wanted to feel better. I wanted to look better, but above all I wanted to love myself better. <BR> <BR> It all starts with how you choose to view yourself. <BR> <BR> Chose to see your beauty and treat yourself with love an... Thu, 9 Apr 2015 13:37:53 EST Monday's Are my Favorite They are a chance to start over. They are the chance to change perspectives. They are the chance to let go. <BR> <BR> I dwelled for so long on the things that I didn't have. I dwelled on the facts that I couldn't change. I lived this way for 6 years. I hated my body.. I hated my life.. and above all I hated myself. <BR> <BR> I am finally ready to let go.. <BR> <BR> I don't hate myself or my body. I love getting up in the morning and choosing my outfits.. I love dressing my body and I love... Mon, 6 Apr 2015 12:46:40 EST I am taking my time I find that when I try to set an X amount of pounds to be lost in X amount of time.. It = Me Panicking. <BR> <BR> So I have rewritten my formula for success. <BR> <BR> Unknown amount of pounds in Unknown amount of time = Me happy <BR> <BR> I am taking it day by day.. not everyday is perfect but I am still going to get where I am going no matter how fast or how slow. <BR> <BR> My only goal for to get under 200 pounds which is more then doable. Yes I am happier not making the nu... Fri, 3 Apr 2015 10:55:51 EST Root Canals Are not fun...enough said. Happy Thursday everyone! Thu, 2 Apr 2015 12:03:12 EST We all struggle let it go and move on. <BR> <BR> Have a great day everyone! Wed, 25 Mar 2015 12:06:01 EST Believing in yourself You posses the power to make a difference.. not only in your life but in the lives of others. I know that it can get discouraging at times.. and sometimes it seems unlikely that your actions or the goals that you have for yourself can and or will affect those around you. But they do! <BR> <BR> You need to rise above it all and make a difference. This life is too short to live on the sidelines. <BR> <BR> Happy Thursday Everyone! <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>30</em> Thu, 12 Mar 2015 12:21:24 EST Celebrate the small things I have a long way to go to reach any of my physical or personal goals. Although sometimes the realization of how far I have to go dawns on me and I start to get overwhelmed. I try to remain positive and cut myself some slack. I haven't been working out like I would like to. But I am getting over a cold and I just have no energy. <BR> <BR> Normally I would beat myself up about it and eventually self medicate with food. I am finally in a place in my life where food is no longer the answer or ... Wed, 11 Mar 2015 11:51:43 EST Not always as planned It's funny how when it comes to weight loss everyone has an opinion. Everyone has the secret to losing it fast... but when you mention that your not in a hurry or that you don't mind losing 1lb at a time.. people don't always get it. But news flash I am doing this for me and only me. <BR> <BR> I don't deprive myself.. there are days that I eat nothing but junk and there are weeks that I don't exercise. But I never give up on myself.. I never stop believing. <BR> <BR> Things don't always ... Mon, 9 Mar 2015 11:39:31 EST Progress Picutres I have gotten into the habit of taking progress pictures... I think that you can really see the changes in pictures, even if the scale doesn't show. <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Jan/2015 <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> March/2015 <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> * Slowly but surely there will progress. Happ... Fri, 6 Mar 2015 12:43:23 EST Balance It's easy to get caught up in the game of losing weight. You become obsessed with the numbers, calories in and calories out. how much the scale says you weigh. How many ounces of water you drank that day. <BR> <BR> It is very easy and it happens very quickly. You go from trying to lose weight to all of a sudden starting to develop a eating disorder. <BR> <BR> There has to be balance. You have to make changes that you can sustain while living a normal life. Not all days are perfect. You wil... Tue, 3 Mar 2015 13:54:44 EST Not always productive Sometimes as work I find myself surfing the net or day dreaming... and then I get side tracked and don't get all of my work done.. I really need to not do this and stay focused. This is my goal for March. What are you goals? <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Monday! Mon, 2 Mar 2015 12:06:07 EST