LILBLKDRESS09's SparkPeople Blog LILBLKDRESS09's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Too Many Things I have way too many things on my plate right now. And I am starting to fixate on the scale again, which does me more harm then good. I have decided to run a 10k at the end of April . I feel like I can accomplish this. I miss running and I am tired of waiting for the right time to get back into it. <BR> <BR> I am going to try and break my daily weigh in habit. I am hoping that I can stay off of it until 01/01/16. I tend to self sabotage if I don't see the results that I want. I am going to s... Wed, 25 Nov 2015 11:40:03 EST Under a lot of stress I am just trying to remain positive and not let my life get to me right now. Mon, 23 Nov 2015 11:50:21 EST Whole 30 Here is my third attempt this year. I will make it.. I don't have control over the other things in my life but I will have control over this! <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone! <BR> <BR> The goal for this whole 30 is to keep it simple. Fri, 20 Nov 2015 12:18:33 EST I will see Onderland Someday I will. I will never give up. Tue, 17 Nov 2015 12:33:50 EST Another week I am excited to get this week started and over with because next week is Thanksgiving! I am so excited for the holidays because I love to see my kids faces light up. <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! <BR> Mon, 16 Nov 2015 17:05:09 EST YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND DON'T EVER FORGET IT! <BR> <BR> * JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. Fri, 13 Nov 2015 11:41:26 EST The scale doesn't tell the whole story I am starting to fit into clothes that were too tight before... all this without the scale moving too much. Sometimes your progress is not measured by the scale. <BR> <BR> Happy Thursday Everyone! Thu, 12 Nov 2015 14:21:20 EST Reality The reality of it all is that I am not going to lose the 70 plus pounds that I need to l lose over night. I am trying to find the balance that I need in my own life to make this a lifetime commitment and not just a phase. <BR> <BR> I am ok with not losing some weeks and sometimes seeing a gain. <BR> <BR> My clothes fit better and I have a lot more energy. I am also sleeping better. <BR> <BR> I am ok with how things are going right now. I am enjoying the process and I am focused on health ... Wed, 11 Nov 2015 11:33:16 EST Snow It snowed last night, and I have to say that I am extremely excited for this years holidays. <BR> Happy Tuesday Everyone! Tue, 10 Nov 2015 14:40:40 EST The light at the end of the tunnel Since my husbands diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, we threw all the junk away in the house and we have been trying to eat a more plant based diet.. less processes food and cut the caffeine out ( I still drink my cup of coffee at work every morning, I need it!) <BR> <BR> He told me this morning that he is starting to feel better. I think that this flare up is getting ready to go away. I am hoping that it does because we are trying our best to change our families habits to healthier ones. The... Thu, 5 Nov 2015 11:36:45 EST I am thankful For being able to provide a warm roof over my babies head and I am thankful for being able to put warm food in their bellies. <BR> <BR> Sometimes you just have to stop and give thanks for the things that you sometimes take for granted during your hectic lives. <BR> <BR> Happy Wednesday Everyone! <BR> <em>41</em> Wed, 4 Nov 2015 13:56:01 EST Just get through it Some day's will be easier then others and some meals will be healthier then others. Just keep going and never give up. <BR> <BR> Happy Tuesday Everyone! Tue, 3 Nov 2015 11:25:54 EST Another week Here are this week's goals; <BR> 1. Stay Positive <BR> 2. Drink My water. <BR> 3. Track all my food. <BR> 4. Get enough sleep. <BR> 5. Exercise 30 min at least 3x this week. Mon, 2 Nov 2015 11:27:00 EST I want to skip but I wont I really want to skip my gym appointment with my trainer tomorrow morning but I am not going to. I really need to focus on getting healthy for both me and my husband. <BR> <BR> I want to skip counting my calories with all the parties that are planned for this weekend, but I am not going to. I really need to be conscious of what I am eating and how much. <BR> <BR> I want to skip today all together and fast-forward to the time that I am at my goal weight. But I am going to enjoy the process o... Fri, 30 Oct 2015 12:46:58 EST Remaining Positive and Strong With my husbands diagnoses I will try my best to remain positive and strong. I will not fill my house with junk, we both want to change our diets drastically ( which will take time) he wants to do all he can to help with his symptoms naturally. <BR> <BR> There will be adjustments in our lives, but all that matters is that we are a family and we will come out stronger because of this. <BR> <BR> I am still getting over a cold but I am trying to eat. Between the stress and sickness I have alm... Thu, 29 Oct 2015 11:36:28 EST MRI Results are in My husband had an MRI done last week, we got the call last night from the neurologist. He has MS. <BR> <BR> We are still trying to process this information, he is not doing so well. We are setting up an appointment with the neurologist so that they can discuss his options for pain management. <BR> <BR> I need to more then ever get a hold of my health, so that I can be strong enough to help him through this. <BR> <BR> Happy Wednesday Everyone. <BR> <BR> Wed, 28 Oct 2015 11:40:05 EST I know that I shouldn't I know I shouldn't weigh myself everyday..but I find that I am more accountable to myself that way. I feel like right now it is helping me be mindful of my food and exercise. I am trying really hard to keep my eye on the prize. <BR> <BR> I have to believe that someday I will get to the finish line. I have to be kinder to myself . I have to love myself no matter what size. <BR> <BR> I am done hating myself and I am done wishing that I had a different body. I am going to treat this one the be... Tue, 27 Oct 2015 11:26:18 EST Staying Busy Sometimes when things are out of your control, staying busy seems like the best and better thing to do in order to stay distracted and not eating your feelings. <BR> <BR> So that is what I am doing today. I am staying busy and then when I get home I am taking nap and then I will do a workout video and then relax. <BR> <BR> I am hoping that Tomorrow I will hear about the results of my husbands MRI. <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone. Mon, 26 Oct 2015 16:48:58 EST This week will be different I will make things change this week. I will not have a binge episode, and I will not go over my calorie range. With all that said. I am very proud of myself for tracking everything that I have been eating even with the small binges. <BR> <BR> It is very hard to be honest, especially harder to be honest with yourself. This past weigh in was the hardest one that I have ever posted. In the past even when there was a gain I didn't record hopes that next week I would make up for it and mor... Sun, 25 Oct 2015 12:46:04 EST Small bump I just had a binge episode, it was a small one but it was one nonetheless. I am so hungry or at least feel like I am hungry or maybe I am just upset. My husband has gone out drinking with the buddies again..just like every weekend. I need to stop allowing his actions to control mine. I am better then this! <BR> <BR> Either way it happened. I will not let it deter me from where I want to be. I know that someday I will no longer be considered plus size or bigger. But I need to stay focused. <B... Sat, 24 Oct 2015 22:16:57 EST Just keep at it I have to remind myself that it will take time. I also have to remind myself that just because I have so far to go doesn't mean that I will never see the finish line. <BR> <BR> I can do this!... I have to believe in myself and in the abilities to achieve this. <BR> <BR> Yes I can! Yes I can! <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone. <BR> <em>334</em> Fri, 23 Oct 2015 12:18:55 EST Keeping my goals in mind I stepped on the scale this morning and I saw a gain. I was half expecting to see a gain and half hoping to see a slight loss. I have been really stressed this past week not to mention that I am about to start my monthly party. So I am extremely bloated. I already knew that I would be disappointed because I have been weighing myself daily for years. ( a habit that I really need to change) <BR> <BR> I tracked all my food this week ( I did really well) I worked out more then I have recently an... Thu, 22 Oct 2015 11:54:24 EST Thoughts/reflections I always start out wanting to lose all this weight..and then when things don't go my way I give up. This week has been especially stressful because my husband is going in for an MRI on Saturday to see if the doctors can figure out what is going on with his eye. I am just trying not to the let the unknowns keep me down. <BR> <BR> Working out has helped a lot this week. I am hoping to continue this next week. <BR> <em>362</em> <BR> Thu, 22 Oct 2015 00:22:38 EST Not Perfect I am not perfect.. I sometimes eat too much. I sometimes eat just for eating. I go days without a workout, and I don't always get enough sleep at night. I have exercise equipment that is collecting dust, and furthermore I go days sometimes without logging into sparkpeople or logging my food. <BR> <BR> But I am ok with all of this. I can't control everything, and I am finding that this new way of life is a matter of balancing. <BR> <BR> I am doing my best, and I am learning from my mistakes... Wed, 21 Oct 2015 11:45:38 EST Frustration It can be very frustrating when you feel as though your efforts are just kind of keeping you in a stand still. <BR> <BR> I am trying to push past this stress and depression that seems to be grabbing onto me. <BR> <BR> I can and will overcome this. <BR> <BR> Happy Tuesday Everyone! Tue, 20 Oct 2015 11:30:35 EST Not according to plans Some days will be a mess. Some days you wont wake up in time and you wont be able to do the things that you planned. <BR> <BR> I have a house full of sick kids and a husband who is not feeling good. I am operating on 4 hours of sleep and I am at work, where a few people have called in sick too. So I am taking it as best as I can. <BR> <BR> I didn't get a chance to get my workout in and I was not able to pack my lunch and snacks. But I am doing the best that I can. I am making the best choic... Mon, 19 Oct 2015 13:36:24 EST Changes I cut and dyed my hair today.. Sometimes you have to pamper yourself a little. Sun, 18 Oct 2015 23:53:41 EST Remembering that it's a lifestyle change I sometimes find myself wanting to eat something that I don't normally eat. Like for an example a Snickers bar. I try to stay away from things like that because then I feel guilty for eating it. <BR> <BR> But this is a lifestyle. Not a diet. It's ok to indulge sometimes. <BR> <BR> Happy Friday everyone! Fri, 16 Oct 2015 17:44:22 EST Goal's for week of 10/15-10/22 1. 8 glasses of H2O a day <BR> 2. 20 Min of exercise a day. <BR> 3. No daily Weigh-in's <BR> <BR> I think I can manage these.. here we go. Thu, 15 Oct 2015 11:38:19 EST Don't let it get to you That is what I tell myself.. don't let the negative things get to you. Stop letting the stress dictate how you feel about yourself. <BR> <BR> I am trying to remain positive.. one thing that is good is that I have not binged.. but the down side is that I am finding it difficult to shake the blues...even with a workout. But I am proud of myself nonetheless...I am just hoping that I start feeling like myself soon. <BR> <BR> Happy Thursday Everyone! Thu, 15 Oct 2015 11:28:45 EST Stress I never really cared about health growing up. As a young adult you think that nothing can ever happen to you. But as I am getting older I am realizing that it's quite the opposite now. I am trying to get all of my families health in check. <BR> <BR> Appointments for all of us, Dentist, Eyes, and yearly check-ups. The one that concerns me is my husbands eye. He has lost vision in one eye and he is scared to find out what it is. But I am trying to remain calm and put together for him. <BR> <... Wed, 14 Oct 2015 00:48:48 EST Going with the flow I have found that life happens... and it's best not to fight it..instead go with it. <BR> <BR> happy Monday Everyone! Mon, 12 Oct 2015 11:41:00 EST No longer feel like ( I need it) I used to have panic attacks about food and how I would handle situations such as weddings, parties, and office luncheons. I would dread counting calories on these occasions and would often shy away from sparkpeople and my trainer at the gym. I never wanted to feel deprived and I would always say " You can start over tomorrow" so then that would trigger a eat all that is in sight effect. <BR> <BR> I hated how I felt around food, but what I hated most was how I felt after I stuffed my face.... Fri, 9 Oct 2015 12:06:49 EST A long way to go I try not to think about how far I need to go on this journey, because if I do I get discouraged. Sometimes I wish that I could wake up and instantly be at my goal weight..wouldn't that be nice? I know that it is easier to probably stay at the weight that I am currently at. But I also know that if I don't change now I never will. <BR> <BR> I want better for myself..because I love myself. I can't help but think that a year from now I will still be in the same place. <BR> <BR> I always star... Fri, 9 Oct 2015 00:08:36 EST I am very excited This week's weigh in was 224.6 which brings be down 1.4 this week. Which overall for the past month ( My first month since getting serious) brings me to a total loss of: 4.2 lbs. This is amazing I can't wait to see how much weight I lose these next 4 weeks. <BR> <BR> I am sticking to my calorie counting, getting enough sleep, and drinking my water. I have also started to do at least 30 min of exercise everyday. <BR> <BR> Have a great Thursday Everyone! <BR> <BR> Small steps is the key!!! <... Thu, 8 Oct 2015 11:27:15 EST Differences I have noticed a lot changes these past 3 weeks since I have been tracking my food and trying to lose weight again. <BR> <BR> 1. My bloat is gone. <BR> 2. I am sleeping better. <BR> 3. I have lost 2.8 lbs ( not a lot but the little bit has made a huge difference) <BR> 4. I have more energy. <BR> 5. My bad days have only been 1 ( I was feeling a little down yesterday. Thank you to those who responded to my post yesterday) <BR> 6. I am optimistic about the future. <BR> <BR> I have a long wa... Wed, 7 Oct 2015 11:46:33 EST Today is one of those days I am just feeling down today.. it is hard. Some days I am on cloud nine and others I am holding on for dear life. <BR> <BR> I am going to focus on my food and water intake today. Maybe I will go for a walk it will help. <BR> <BR> Happy Tuesday Everyone! <BR> <em>194</em> <em>311</em> Tue, 6 Oct 2015 12:03:33 EST Staying Motivated I try to stay motivated even though I am constantly surrounded with obstacles everyday. I used to give into these road bumps... <BR> <BR> Most recently I was at a BBQ at my in laws house. My husbands family is very superficial and they like to talk about looks and weight all the time. Even when they are being nice there is a small F you in there.( For example: My daughter is 5 and my mother in law says oh she got your beauty, but good thing she got her figure from our family if not she would... Mon, 5 Oct 2015 15:30:38 EST Something to remind me that I am beautiful <img src=""> I saw this and thought that's who I want to be. Beautiful, colorful, and bright. So I bought it to remind me of what I am capable of being. Mon, 5 Oct 2015 11:13:54 EST The future is bright For the first time in years I have tracked my food all weekend.. I am don't normally track on the weekends which is why I tend to have to start over Monday mornings. But I am getting back at it.. This time I will succeed. <BR> <BR> Happy Sunday Everyone! <BR> <em>9</em> Sun, 4 Oct 2015 18:36:08 EST Loving the body that you have I used to think that in order to feel beautiful or comfortable I had to be thin. But as I am getting older I am starting to realize that size has nothing to do with how I feel about myself or how I chose to allow the world to see me. I am not ashamed of my body anymore and I love how I look. <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone! Fri, 2 Oct 2015 17:02:22 EST The small changes I know that it can get frustrating when your losses are not as big as you would want them. But losing at a slower rate will help you in the long run. Any loss is a plus no matter how small. <BR> <BR> <em>306</em> <em>194</em> <em>311</em> Thu, 1 Oct 2015 08:56:46 EST Afraid of not being the fat girl I have always been over weight. Even as a kid I was bigger. I used to get made fun of a lot, and because of this I turned to food. Food was my comfort.. the only thing that made me feel better. I loved how a piece of chocolate could cure my sorrows even if for just a moment. <BR> <BR> I have never felt truly accepted. The comments of " You have a beautiful face.. if you could just lose the weight" or " You would be better if you could just lose the weight." the comments continued onto adult... Wed, 30 Sep 2015 23:56:15 EST October starts tomorrow! can you believe it? I am so excited to get this new month on the way. I have big plans.. I have been consistent for 3 weeks.. lets see how my weigh in is tomorrow! <BR> <BR> Have a great Hump Day everyone! <BR> <BR> * I think October will be a month of a lot of pictures. <BR> <BR> <em>465</em> <em>381</em> Wed, 30 Sep 2015 12:04:11 EST Monday Today has started like any other day I didn't wake up as early as I would have wanted to. I really want to start waking up earlier so that I can get my workouts out of the way and get my day started.. <BR> <BR> I will try again tomorrow.. I can't lose hope I know that everything will not be perfect my first try. <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! Mon, 28 Sep 2015 11:44:54 EST Just trying to keep my head above water I am trying really hard not to let the small set backs.. set me back even more by sabotaging myself. <BR> <BR> Keeping my head in the game.. not being too hard on myself and trying to remind myself that I am human and slip ups happen. <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone! Fri, 25 Sep 2015 13:57:07 EST Getting Hormonal... I am getting highly hormonal and I am wanting to eat everything in sight.. If I manage a loss this week I will be so excited, but I fear that the scale may show a gain... I am so tired of feeling this way. <BR> <BR> When I lost 20lbs last year it was due to the whole 30 diet. Which I managed to stay on for 45 days but I couldn't afford it anymore.. it got too expensive. I racked up my American Express card shopping for it. So I am trying to pay debt off and I don't have much to spare. As mu... Wed, 23 Sep 2015 11:31:35 EST I am done starting over It hit me last night like a pile of bricks.. if I don't change now.. it maybe my last chance to. I don't want to be overweight in my 30's I refuse to continue living the lifestyle that I have. There is no need to over eat and there is no need to sit around and feel sorry for myself.. There is still so much that I want to do with my life.. I need to get off of my a** and do it. I am done.. I am finished of sitting on the side lines.. <BR> <BR> Have a great Tuesday Everyone! Tue, 22 Sep 2015 11:37:59 EST The Frustrations I hate feeling like I am at a stand still... I need to keep moving and keep pushing forward. Mon, 21 Sep 2015 13:05:52 EST The old fashion way It can be annoying and discouraging when certain people in your life are using other methods of losing weight such as pills and teas. They seem to be making faster progress then you and they like to point it out. They try to get you on board with their method. <BR> <BR> <BR> Don't lose hope.. you got this.. just keep pushing forward. <BR> <BR> -Angela Fri, 18 Sep 2015 13:32:37 EST