LILBLKDRESS09's SparkPeople Blog LILBLKDRESS09's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I am looking forward to the future I have spent the past 2 1/2 years wallowing in self hate because I couldn't lose the weight I would do so well and then throw it all away with a binge followed by another because I was ashamed and disgusted with myself. <BR> <BR> But I am no longer the same girl. I am done hating myself and done blaming food for all that is wrong in my life. Food and the scale only have the power if you give it to them. It has taken me this long to realize that food it not the enemy and that the scale is not... Fri, 30 Jan 2015 12:37:54 EST You need to only compare yourself to yourself Sometimes it's hard to remember that you shouldn't compare yourself to anyone but yourself. I find it especially hard when people start comparing your progress with theirs and making rude comments. <BR> <BR> I skipped all last week at the gym I was sick with the flu and had no energy. There are some people in my life that can't seem to let that go. <BR> <BR> Trying to remain positive and motivated today. <BR> <BR> Wed, 28 Jan 2015 11:37:24 EST Janurary is almost over I am so ready to get February started! I am hoping that it will be the month that I am finally under 210lbs in over 2 years... :) I know I can and I know that you can achieve your goals too. Tue, 27 Jan 2015 12:29:33 EST Happy Today is a good day. It is good to have a peaceful none stressful day once in awhile. I woke up with more energy today and I made it to my morning workout. Now I am planning on going home cooking dinner and relaxing with my children. <BR> <BR> Have a great rest of your day everyone! Thu, 22 Jan 2015 17:35:09 EST So tired! I didn't go the gym yesterday morning or today, I am so tired I can hardly function right now...must be due to my monthly friend... Any suggestions for more energy? Wed, 21 Jan 2015 11:50:43 EST Not giving up this time! So many times before I give up on myself and as I near my 2 month of eating clean and working out I have to wonder why it's so different this time? <BR> <BR> The answer: I am done <BR> <BR> done feeling sorry for myself <BR> done caring what others think of me <BR> done of hating myself <BR> <BR> Have a great Tuesday everyone! <em>30</em> <em>320</em> <em>482</em> <BR> <BR> * January is almost over.. are you where you want to be with your goals? Tue, 20 Jan 2015 10:57:12 EST Mind over body Sometimes I get cravings, like today I want to stick my head in a bucket of fudge.. but then I realize that I ate my breakfast had my snacks drank my water.... I am just stressed out and want fudge.. Thu, 15 Jan 2015 13:41:21 EST Hump Day ( leg day) I never imagined that I would sweat more from a 30min weights session then I would 30 min cardio session. <BR> <BR> My legs feel like jelly and I am loving it :) <BR> <BR> p.s. I think I am starting to get addicted to my morning gym sessions. Wed, 14 Jan 2015 11:42:29 EST 2015 the year of the new! New me! I am on week two of gym and I got a personal trainer! Tue, 13 Jan 2015 10:54:38 EST Moving Forward It took me a long time to forgive myself for allowing myself to fall so deep into self hate. But I am finally in a place where I am no longer in self loathing. I am ready to take charge of my life I am ready for positive changes in my life. Both physically and spiritually. <BR> <BR> We have to be brave enough to face our inner demons. We have to be smart enough to know that food is not the enemy. And above all we have to have the courage to change. <BR> <BR> I am done hating myself <BR> d... Mon, 12 Jan 2015 12:52:13 EST Moderation is key I ate a burger from carl's jr yesterday. I am not ashamed and I don't regret it. I am moving on it was just another meal. I am learning that food had no control over me. <BR> <BR> Happy Hump Day! Wed, 7 Jan 2015 12:30:44 EST It's the first Monday of 2015 Make it a good one! Mon, 5 Jan 2015 10:53:42 EST Going out and enjoying life I know that losing weight can be hard, It can be painful. And sometimes it can be scary. But what I have come to that life is not on hold while you lose weight. You have to do best with what is handed to you and move on. <BR> <BR> My husband surprised me yesterday with dinner and a movie. So I ate pasta and popcorn we split everything and I have no regrets I am not going to beat myself up about it. I am back to it today. <BR> <BR> One night out with my husband will not ruin my we... Fri, 2 Jan 2015 10:53:35 EST New Years Resolutions This is the last day of 2014 and I am going to make the best of it. I am going to bring in the new year with family and friends at home tonight :) <BR> <BR> Here are my New Years Resolutions ( I have more the one) <BR> <BR> 1. Save Money <BR> 2. Pay off Credit Card debt <BR> 3. Get to pre-pregnancy weight 180 <BR> 4. Continue to eat a diet based mostly on Whole 30 <BR> 5. Exercise ( Start running and do a few races) <BR> 6. continue to go to school and get 4.0 GPA <BR> 7. Log into Spark Peo... Wed, 31 Dec 2014 11:48:29 EST The New Year is Around the Corner What are your resolutions? <BR> <BR> I am still working on mine. I will post later. <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! <BR> <em>334</em> Mon, 29 Dec 2014 13:09:40 EST Going to Continue I was really tempted to eat a cookie this morning since I ended my whole 30 yesterday but I got some 85% Cocoa and ate a piece and was satisfied with it. Now that I am now officially done with the whole 30 the real journey begins. I am going to continue to eat the way that I was and maybe gradually begin to add things back into my diet. Not really sure what yet. But I am happy with my experience. I just have to keep it up. My goal for 2015 is to finally lose all of the baby weight... I want ... Wed, 24 Dec 2014 15:12:58 EST Made it!!! Today is day 30.. I am so excited and proud. Can't wait to continue down this path and see what else I can accomplish. Tue, 23 Dec 2014 11:53:27 EST Well Tomorrow is day 30 I am almost done with my whole 30 experience... this is what I have learned. <BR> <BR> Food Prep ( is essential and can be fun): I was able to do this whole 30 by simply prepping and cooking enough to store in my fridge so that I had quick go to snacks and meals so that I wouldn't derail. <BR> <BR> Water is good: drinking only water (mostly) except for unsweetened tea and coffee. <BR> <BR> Reading labels is key: I had to read everything before I ate it or bought it. <BR> <BR> all in all I... Mon, 22 Dec 2014 11:14:54 EST The jeans fit Sometimes the smallest of things.. like jeans fitting just right and not too snug are the best feelings in the world... <BR> <BR> I am thankful for another day and the ability to work towards my goals. Happy Friday Everyone! Keep up the hard work.. <BR> <BR> <BR> <em>362</em> Fri, 19 Dec 2014 11:18:21 EST I have the power... No one else does... I alone can change my life. I alone am in charge of how I feel and how I perceive situations to be. <BR> <BR> I alone hold the power to make a great and meaningful future. I used to complain that I was not losing weight. Or that I was always feeling sick. But who is really to blame? <BR> <BR> I was... <BR> <BR> and I was not willing to admit that I had a problem. <BR> <BR> I am done feeling sorry for myself.. I am done allowing others to allow me to feel horrible ab... Thu, 18 Dec 2014 13:30:55 EST Feeling stronger everyday Everyday is a chance to start over.. forget about yesterday let it go and start over today. I am on my last week of the whole 30 and I don't think that I will stop there I am feeling really good and optimistic. <BR> <BR> I am excited for the new year and I am excited for the holidays... Happy Hump Day everyone! <BR> <BR> <em>447</em> Wed, 17 Dec 2014 12:32:16 EST Enjoy Everyday! You never know when it will be your last. Tue, 16 Dec 2014 14:37:19 EST This year is almost over I can't believe how quickly this year has gone by. It feels like I was just celebrating the New Year for 2014 yesterday. <BR> <BR> I am excited for 2015. How about you guys? <BR> <BR> I have a lot of plans and goals for 2015. I will share them with a New years Resolution Post on 12/31/14 <BR> <BR> Have a great Monday Everyone! <BR> <BR> <em>334</em> Mon, 15 Dec 2014 11:58:02 EST Learning to live After turning 18 I thought that I had it all down. I knew it all.. and then came motherhood and I realized that I was completely clueless. I often find myself stressing out about bills, and things to do. <BR> <BR> All this makes me cranky, and not very pleasant to be around. If only there was more money. But this is not the case.. it is not always the answer. What I have found is that although I stress about bills and other things... It all gets resolved at the end. All is not lost. <BR> <... Thu, 11 Dec 2014 12:02:04 EST My Whole 30 experience I didn't really believe that changing my diet would eliminate the emotional problems that I have struggled with most of my life. But in the past 3 weeks that I have been on the whole 30 plan. I have less mood swings, I don't get depressed like I used to. I am not easily irritated by little annoyances. <BR> <BR> My mind is clear and I am once again optimistic about the future. It is hard to tell how much processed food is affecting you until you make the effort to eliminate it from your life... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 12:44:46 EST Sometimes it takes pain to wake up The week before Thanksgiving.. I was ill. I couldn't get out of bed, my stomach was in knots, cramping, bloated and I had no energy. <BR> <BR> I couldn't pin point what had made me sick since all I eat is crap. So I decided the Sunday before Thanksgiving that I was tired of feeling like crap. I was tired of being tired. I am not getting any younger. <BR> <BR> I went on a juice cleanse for three days to clear my system of whatever was making me sick. And immediately after started the Whole ... Tue, 9 Dec 2014 12:51:14 EST Saying things without thinking I have a problem.. I sometimes tend to say things without thinking.. I just told my sister in law " Wow that's really white, why did you do that?" She put highlights in her hair. <BR> <BR> My husband has always been sarcastic and a bit rude. I feel like he is robbing off on me.. it's no wonder that my sister in law doesn't like me. <BR> <BR> How do I fix this? Mon, 8 Dec 2014 12:18:20 EST Running Has proven to distress me I will try to keep it up. 1 mile walk or run everyday for the rest of November. <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! Mon, 17 Nov 2014 11:34:43 EST The guilt, shame, and forgiveness It's easy to shame yourself into losing weight. I have done it numeral times before. But it never pans out. You always end up spiraling back down the hole of shame and end up yo-yoing. <BR> <BR> I used to keep something's off of my food tracker.. as if I didn't eat them. I felt although its irrational that if I didn't document it then it didn't exist. <BR> <BR> But the weight crept back up and my self esteem crept back down. I can't and will try to no longer allow my weight to define my s... Thu, 13 Nov 2014 12:05:13 EST The last Binge (Hopefully) I have never considered myself to have an eating disorder. But when I get upset I do tend to go full out on the comfort foods. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I stuffed my face with Taco Bell like there was no tomorrow. but I am over it and today is a new day. <BR> <BR> I can't and refuse to dwell on yesterday. <BR> <BR> I am doing this for me and my health and for no one else. <BR> <BR> Emotional eating is part of life and I will tame my demons. <BR> <BR> Happy Hump Day Everyone! Wed, 12 Nov 2014 12:40:21 EST Gaining weight sucks It's so easy to gain the weight.. but so hard to lose it. <BR> <BR> <BR> It's so frustrating. Tue, 11 Nov 2014 17:04:58 EST It's Monday Make it a good one. don't dwell on last week. you owe yourself to have to best week yet. Mon, 20 Oct 2014 12:47:47 EST Accepting your body It's easy to get in over your head when it comes to weight loss. by that I mean that our actions, thoughts, dreams, and meaning for which we live can become obscure. We tend to measure our values or happiness with x amount of weight. <BR> <BR> I have been on since Sept 2010. Since then I have lost and regained the same 30 lbs. I always told myself that this time it would be different. This time I was finally going to be beautiful. <BR> <BR> I put my life on hold. I held my... Mon, 13 Oct 2014 16:32:43 EST Day 137: Green smoothies I bought a Nutri-Bullet about 2 months ago. Since then I have been enjoying my smoothies every morning. <BR> <BR> The changes in my energy are awesome. <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! Mon, 13 Oct 2014 11:27:42 EST Day 136: Remove the unrealistic Whether it be unrealistic goals or unrealistic expectations... Let them go <BR> <BR> Enjoy the moment. You ate the doughnut. Let it go. <BR> <BR> I believe that weight loss begins in the mind. If you only have negative thoughts in your mind then you get negative results. <BR> <BR> Love you NOW.. Not 100 lbs later. <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Friday! Fri, 10 Oct 2014 14:21:59 EST Day 135: Love yourself No matter what size! You are beautiful, smart, and worth it. <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone! Fri, 3 Oct 2014 12:29:35 EST Day 135: Love yourself No matter what size! You are beautiful, smart, and worth it. <BR> <BR> Happy Friday Everyone! Fri, 3 Oct 2014 12:29:32 EST Day 134: one year can make a big difference The scale hasn't moved much ( if anything gone up a few pounds) but the weight is coming off. <BR> <BR> Oct/2013 Oct/2014 ( the sweaters are XXL left and XL Right) <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Don't give up, your body is changing. <BR> <BR> Thu, 2 Oct 2014 13:16:46 EST Day 133: Yes I can I have found that since I have taken the emphasis off of food and off of how much I hate myself and how much my life will change once I lose weight.. I haven't experienced a binge episode. I haven't over eaten and I haven't redistricted food either. I am starting to feel normal again.. <BR> <BR> I begun to love myself.. just as I am. Wed, 1 Oct 2014 12:55:41 EST Day 132: Can't hide from myself Coming face to face with self hate can sometimes be hard. We tell ourselves that we are here to improve and to love our selves just as we are....but it this is not always the case.. at least not for me. <BR> <BR> I hid from the scale for well over 50 days and gained weight.. almost 10 lbs.. so this method didn't work for me. <BR> <BR> So onto another plan ( it doesn't have to end here) <BR> <BR> I am not a failure I will take it one day at a time.. I will succeed. <BR> <BR> October goal:... Mon, 29 Sep 2014 12:22:34 EST Day 131: Could I be married to an Alcoholic? It never dawned on me or perhaps I never allowed myself to accept it. But I believe that my husband is an alcoholic. <BR> <BR> Step One: Acceptance <BR> <BR> Mon, 22 Sep 2014 15:57:14 EST Day 130: Just go with it Life happens... change with it and go along with it. <BR> <BR> Happy Wednesday everyone! Wed, 10 Sep 2014 12:30:28 EST Day 129: Readjusting goals The reason that I have failed so many times before.. <BR> <BR> 1. Unrealistic goals <BR> 2. No self love <BR> 3. Lack of motivation <BR> 4. Focusing on the Number instead of my body <BR> <BR> This year is almost over let's make the best of it! Mon, 8 Sep 2014 12:05:47 EST NS Victories Since I am still not using the scale. I am going to pick NS victories that I can use as markers to determine my progress. <BR> <BR> Running 2 miles <BR> <BR> <BR> Right now that is all I have. I let August.. get away from me. I got depressed. But I am over it. Fri, 29 Aug 2014 18:32:41 EST Day 128: September Will be better then August! Fri, 29 Aug 2014 11:38:08 EST Day 127: Too Obsessive There is such a thing as too obsessive with weight loss and all things about and including it. There has to be a healthy balance. There is a fine line between trying to lose weight and maybe developing an eating disorder. <BR> <BR> I used to be obsessive with bite and licks I tracked everything. Food was always on my mind that I weighed myself multiple times a day. <BR> <BR> I wasn't living my life. I was obsessed with the perfect weight. <BR> <BR> It has almost been 1 month since my la... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 12:06:39 EST Day 126: Just push through I am not feeling all that great today...but I am going to try and push through. Happy Monday everyone. Mon, 18 Aug 2014 11:51:08 EST Day 125: Happy Friday It's Friday Yay!!!! Another week gone. have a great one everyone. <BR> <BR> Fri, 15 Aug 2014 11:46:39 EST Day 124: Nail polish Sometimes the smallest of things can make you feel beautiful. <BR> <BR> I got new nail polish "black Momba" <BR> <BR> Have a great Hump Day everyone! Wed, 13 Aug 2014 11:44:43 EST Day 123: A whole year I have decided that I will go a whole year without weighing myself. I have made it past two weeks since my last weigh in and I know that I can keep going. <BR> <BR> I want to focus on other things. <BR> <BR> Happy Monday Everyone! Mon, 11 Aug 2014 12:48:21 EST