LILAC_LANE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=LILAC%5FLANE LILAC_LANE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ My First Binge Free Christmas http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5177417 This year marks a huge accomplishment for me. <BR> I made it through Christmas without bingeing <BR> for the first time in more than 10 years? <BR> It's been so long I really can't remember. <BR> It probably has been even longer, but the important part <BR> is this year was different. <BR> <BR> Yes, I did overeat. Yes, I did enjoy a large variety <BR> of holiday treats, but No, I didn't binge myself <BR> into the numbness of a food coma. <BR> <BR> I have been recovering from bulimia for alm... Thu, 27 Dec 2012 08:19:49 EST Recovery During the Holidays http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5173461 Hi to all my Spark Friends, <BR> A lot has happened since the last time I updated my blog. <BR> Something very life changing occurred while I was recovering from my <BR> hernia surgery. I finally was able to come to terms with the fact that <BR> I have bulimia. <BR> <BR> When ever I say the word "Bulimia" my knee jerk response is to make <BR> sure that it is known that I don't throw up. Like it makes me better than <BR> someone who does...no not at all. That thinking goes right up there <... Sat, 22 Dec 2012 06:40:50 EST Struggling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5139726 It's been over 3 weeks since I've updated my blog. <BR> I am slowly recovering from my surgery, and I am <BR> doing better physically. I can't say the same for my emotional health. <BR> The holidays are the most stressful time of the year for me. <BR> I have been fighting the urge to diet (and even purge at times) <BR> for about 2-3 weeks now. Dieting is incompatible with recovering from an <BR> eating disorder. I know that I can not diet if I want to get better and be free <BR> of all my e... Sun, 18 Nov 2012 21:15:27 EST 2 Weeks Post-Op and still side-lined http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5111493 Thank You! to everyone who has sent me get well wishes and <BR> who are still praying for me. I appreciate it sooo much. I had my surgery <BR> 2 weeks ago tomorrow. My incision is healing nicely but I've had some other <BR> complications. I started bleeding badly when I got home and went back <BR> to the hospital that same night. I was very dizzy and tired last week from <BR> the blood loss, but my doc and I are in agreement that we both would like <BR> to avoid a blood transfusion. My... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 16:44:09 EST Surgery Tomorrow http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5094399 Well it's almost here. Tomorrow I will get my <BR> hernia repaired around lunch time. <BR> I'm a wimp, and the thought of a 2 inch incision makes <BR> me cringe. But it could have been worse, and it wasn't. <BR> I have insurance, and I will have extra help for my <BR> 2 special-needs kids. For that I am VERY thankful. <BR> <BR> I don't have time to thank everyone individually for all the Spark's Goodies, <BR> good wishes, prayers and support I have received. But if you are reading this <... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 19:05:48 EST I Get By With a Little Help From My friends :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5088950 Really it's more than "a little help." <BR> The support I have received from my SP friends <BR> and team-mates has been nothing short of incredible. <BR> <BR> I joined SP back in July looking for another "diet" to <BR> solve my "weight problem." What I found was a place <BR> to get support in my FINAL attempt to end a 30 year problem <BR> with bingeing and at times purging (diuretics, laxatives, fasting, <BR> and over-exercising) <BR> <BR> Yesterday I succeeded in staying binge free for... Sat, 6 Oct 2012 12:16:46 EST I'm Getting Surgery http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5076228 Hi Spark's friends, <BR> I'm getting surgery 2 weeks from tomorrow. <BR> The surgeon confirmed that I have a hernia. <BR> I'm kinda embarrassed, but that's life and I'm trying <BR> to look on the bright side. Yes, there is a bright side. <BR> The reason I went to the doctor in the first place is <BR> because I found a lump. I was really scared. <BR> No, I was terrified because I lost both of may parents <BR> to cancer. The thoughts running through my head were <BR> almost unbearable. Th... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 19:53:52 EST Another Detour http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5070692 This hasn't been the greatest week, and I've had to <BR> take a detour from my fitness goals. I've been very <BR> upset about this, but my Spark friends have been <BR> cheering me up and rooting me on. <BR> <BR> I had to go for a CT scan yesterday. <BR> It appears I may have a hernia. <BR> I go see a surgeon this week. <BR> Not my idea of fun. <BR> <BR> I've had to put weight lifting on hold. <BR> This has really upset me. I was finally <BR> getting to where I felt confident when I <BR> w... Sat, 22 Sep 2012 18:41:07 EST Goals for This Week 9-18-2012 to 9-24-2012 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5063859 The thing I love the most about my Spark's friends is that they challenge <BR> me to try a little harder. There has been a lot of talk about goals for <BR> this week, and well...uh..I've been slacking in my healthy eating habits; <BR> <BR> TOTALLY SLACKING! <BR> <BR> I've been slacking in some other areas too. Instead of feeling guilty <BR> and beating myself up for it (which doesn't accomplish squat!) <BR> I decided to put my goals for the next seven days out here for all <BR> my frie... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:29:11 EST Hibernation: Part 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5061697 As always, I overwhelmed by the supportive comments on yesterday's bog, <BR> and I appreciate the great suggestions. Wow! My Spark's <BR> friends are awesome. I also don't feel so bad about the past <BR> winters after realizing how many others struggle with similar issues in the <BR> winter and holiday season. <BR> <BR> Today when I woke up the room temperature in our house was 70 degrees. <BR> My hands and feet were freezing, and I came VERY close to turning <BR> on the furnace, but the ... Sun, 16 Sep 2012 14:41:31 EST Avoiding Hibernation this Winter: My Confession... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5060952 I have this problem, and I can already feel it trying rear it's ugly head. <BR> I hibernate in the winter. I eat too much, sleep too much, and I sit too <BR> much EVERY winter. It's been going on for the last 10 years or more. <BR> <BR> Winter will be here before I know it. The leaves have been turning and already <BR> falling since before Labor Day. It's getting dark by 8:30 pm. <BR> It's been cool in the mornings for the past week, and something <BR> in me just wants to hide until next ... Sat, 15 Sep 2012 22:30:06 EST 5K: Probably Not :( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5059077 I'm supposed to be entering my first 5K tomorrow to raise money <BR> for our local Senior Center. Unfortunately I have been having <BR> severe knee pain for the third day in a row now. <BR> It started Tuesday night after I threw in a few 30 second sprints <BR> in my workout. Usually my knees are sore from that but the next day <BR> I feel fine. Wednesday my knees started hurting again and I thought <BR> maybe it was the pair of shoes I wore shopping. Not much of an arch, <BR> but they we... Fri, 14 Sep 2012 12:23:34 EST Bigfoot is in the House http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5056752 Bigfoot...That would be me. And every time I go to buy new exercise shoes I am <BR> always reminded of the fact that I don't have dainty feet. <BR> I wear a 9D and it's been a long time since I've even had a pretty pair of gym shoes. <BR> <BR> I went shoe shopping today. Yup that's why I'm whining. I had to buy men's <BR> shoes for the second time in a row. Men's shoes start in a D width. <BR> Women's shoes don't. End of story. At least this pair looks better than <BR> my current pair. I ... Wed, 12 Sep 2012 21:27:53 EST I Rocked at the Gym Today!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5054848 I know that my sounds kinda arrogant, but you have to understand... <BR> I'm not a jock, I'm not coordinated, and I trip over my own feet a <BR> least once a week. I was the kid in school who ALWAYS got picked <BR> last for a team in Phys Ed. So when I kick butt at the gym it really is a big deal. <BR> <BR> I did 5K on the treadmill in 46.03. I've been on the fence about <BR> entering a 5K this Saturday to raise money for the local Senior Center. <BR> I promised my hubby if I entered I wo... Tue, 11 Sep 2012 17:45:54 EST I Had a Better Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5053549 I mean...after yesterday, well anything is an improvement. <BR> <BR> My hubby took a vacation day and we played hooky today. <BR> We saw the original Raider's of the Lost Ark movie at the IMAX. <BR> It was good until the last 10 minutes. The dude that <BR> opened the Ark should have been dead instantly, but <BR> it was Hollywood, not a Sunday school lesson. I'll get over it. <BR> <BR> It was fun pretending like we were dating again. <BR> Sometimes I can go an entire 30 minutes and not wor... Mon, 10 Sep 2012 22:42:47 EST White Knuckles and Resisting the Temptation to Binge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5051345 Have you ever driven in bad weather and had "white knuckles" <BR> from gripping the steering wheel so hard? I have a mental case of <BR> "white knuckles" today. I have been gripping the urge to go face <BR> first in the food the majority of the day. I'm tired and my two daughter's <BR> with special-needs have been pushing all my buttons. <BR> My "self-talk" doesn't seem to be helping like it usually does, but posting on my <BR> Living Binge Free team and telling one of my best Spark's fri... Sun, 9 Sep 2012 17:44:21 EST My Tips, Tricks, and Tools for Staying Binge Free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5049935 I have been very open about the fact I am trying hard <BR> to overcome binge eating. I share this for two reasons. The first reason <BR> is I hope it will help anyone else who is also struggling to quit bingeing. <BR> The other reason is I feel it makes me more accountable. <BR> <BR> I have to admit that my eating habits are not stellar. I am trying to find <BR> balance between eating healthy and not being restrictive. Some days <BR> are better than others. :) The goal right now is to get... Sat, 8 Sep 2012 16:15:29 EST One of my Spark's friends left the site, and I'm really bummed! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5047586 One of my Spark's friends left the site, and I'm really bummed! <BR> She was one of the first friends I made when I joined. <BR> She has rooted me on many times. She was is sweet and peppy. <BR> I was on her Spark's team, and when I went to huddle this morning <BR> it said we had no leader, and she was gone. She just went off <BR> the radar. <BR> <BR> I've done that before on other sites. I disappeared from FatSecret (what an obnoxious name!) I quit participating on PeerTrainer when I was g... Thu, 6 Sep 2012 19:58:56 EST Day 60 of Being Binge Free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5046121 Tonight when I go to sleep I will have made it through 60 days without binging. <BR> I'm sorry to say I thought about it today, though I DIDN'T give in. <BR> I've been having an unusually rotten day and my knee-jerk reaction is to eat. <BR> I wish it wasn't always the first thing that crosses my mind when I'm upset, <BR> but after 30 years of bingeing I don't think "the thought" is going to go away anytime soon. <BR> The good news is, it is getting easier to redirect my thoughts when "Bingein... Wed, 5 Sep 2012 20:40:21 EST No More Excuses http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5044714 As I was driving to the gym today in the pouring rain I realized that 3 months ago I would have never made it out the door. I would have used the weather as an excuse to ditch working out. I mean what if I melted when I got wet? :D <BR> If that were the case I would have melted today from the sweat pouring off of me when I finished walking a 32 min/2 mile trek with alternating incline on the treadmill, followed by 10 minutes on the exercise bike. For the finale I pounded all the upper body-w... Tue, 4 Sep 2012 22:09:16 EST My First Binge Free Holiday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5043188 Today is officially my first binge free holiday in probably 4 years. <BR> I want to clarify my definition of a binge because a Spark's friend was asking what I meant in a post from a few days ago. It was VERY a good question because not everyone has the same definition of a binge. Thank you Debby :) <BR> <BR> I'm talking about eating obscene amounts of food in secret because I'm upset and emotional, or feeling deprived from dieting, and trying to "numb out" and not feel anything except the p... Mon, 3 Sep 2012 22:42:54 EST Third Weight Training Session Finally Done (a day late) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5041530 I made a commitment that I would weight train three times a week. <BR> Last week I knocked off all three sessions with no problem. <BR> I do two work outs at the gym and one at home. <BR> This week I got in session three, if I don't get too nit-picky about it. <BR> I was supposed to weight train yesterday, but stuff kept popping up after I walked, and <BR> I finally cleaned up while I had a chance and just gave up trying to squeeze in anymore exercise for the day. I was able to accomplish my... Sun, 2 Sep 2012 18:55:11 EST I'm Still Binge Free http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5040547 It's been a long day! It's been a VERY stressful day, but it has been a binge free day. <BR> That is a big deal. When I get through this holiday weekend binge free it will be <BR> the first time since I can remember I haven't gone on a "food toot" (binge) from holiday stress. When everyone is home it is just more stressful. Even though we all love each other, sometimes we just drive each other KRAZY! <BR> <BR> I figure Labor day weekend is good warmer-upper for Thanksgiving and Christmas. ... Sat, 1 Sep 2012 22:04:58 EST Another Good Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5039425 I had a nice day. I walked with my 2 youngest daughters. <BR> I spent some time with my oldest daughter, and I had date nite with my hubby. <BR> Tomorrow I'm cooking our holiday goodies. (Potato salad, pound cake, and a few other not so healthy favorites.) The rest of the day will depend on the weather. One thing for sure I will get in my 3rd weight training session for the week, and I will not binge. <BR> Wishing all my Spark's friends a healthy and safe weekend! <BR> Lilac Fri, 31 Aug 2012 22:56:22 EST I Drink My Breakfast http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5036969 I have found out something very interesting about myself. <BR> I'm not a breakfast person. All the years I binged I would start eating as soon as my feet hit the floor. Now I wake up and an hour goes by and I'm still not really hungry. <BR> One problem...after an hour I start getting a headache, and I can't take my vitamins on an empty stomach. I have come up with a solution. I make my "Power Protein" shake and it really keeps me going. Warning! Some of the ingredients other than the liquid, ... Thu, 30 Aug 2012 06:50:23 EST An Encouraging Thought for Anyone feeling an Economic Pinch http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5035907 My two youngest daughters and I just finished our morning walk. <BR> As we passed the local florist shop there was a beautiful display of flowers and a sign that read, "If you want to feel rich just count all the blessings you have that can't be bought with money." That really touched me, so I thought I would share this with my Spark's friends so you could be encouraged too. <BR> Have a peaceful and healthy day! <BR> Lilac <BR> <BR> <em>67</em> Wed, 29 Aug 2012 10:48:29 EST A Good Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5035188 It was a good day. I met my hubby for lunch. I got my teeth cleaned, and NO cavities! <BR> I spent some time with all 3 of my girls. I just have been extra happy today. <BR> It just feels good to live life without always planning my next food binge. That doesn't mean I haven't been tempted. It means I'm learning how to not "give in." <BR> I hope you are having a good day too! <BR> Lilac Tue, 28 Aug 2012 20:38:47 EST Good News/Bad News http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5033903 The good news is I went to the Rheumatologist today and I got my sedrate checked. <BR> Sedrate is the level of inflammation in your body. It was 34 back in April and it was 17 today. <BR> 17 is only 2 points above the high end of normal. I started taking supplements in May to try and help reduce the inflammation in my body. I've been taking Garden of Life raw vitamin & mineral formula. I also have been taking Blue Bonnet turmeric capsules, Garden of Life Raw Resveratrol capsules (substance fo... Mon, 27 Aug 2012 22:22:10 EST Wii Just Dance Kids-it's not that easy :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5031955 So I just finished 40+ minutes of Wii Just Dance Kids with my 2 "special" <BR> girls, and it's not as easy as I thought it would be. I got a great workout, and <BR> I'm sweating like a pig! The best part is how much fun we all had and how quick it went. <BR> We danced to YMCA, Yo Gabba Gabba Party in my Tummy, Kung Fu Fighting, and many more. <BR> My girls also earned their new download, Mandisa True Beauty, and I got <BR> Some new tunes to exercise to. It's all good at our house today! <B... Sun, 26 Aug 2012 16:52:31 EST Feeling Extra Thankful Today! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5030610 My oldest daughter started grad school today. Her class is being held at Community outreach center. She called me on her way home and was telling me about her class. She said the homeless shelter there is so crowded that people are sleeping in the parking lot. When I hung up the phone I cried. It broke my heart to think about the people who "go without" everyday, and here I was feeling grouchy because I needed to clean my house. My nice home with heat and A/C, that has been modified so our fa... Sat, 25 Aug 2012 14:33:50 EST Perspective: It's All in How You See Things http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5028279 Last week my hubby and I were blessed to be able to go away overnight for the first time <BR> in 23 years. We drove 2 hours and left our car on the mainland. We took a boat over to a beautiful little island, and had a wonderful time being a couple. <BR> <BR> I'm not a "map" kind of person, so I didn't realize that our hotel was a 20 minute walk (uphill) from the dock. A very kind person gave us a ride (along with our rolling suitcase and our cooler on wheels) which took about 3 to 4 minutes... Thu, 23 Aug 2012 18:08:03 EST Quitting Comes With a Price http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5025268 The celebrating is over. My hubby is back to work :( <BR> and I decided to meet him at the gym on his lunch hour and <BR> work out yesterday...for the first time in about 8 months. <BR> Lifting laundry baskets, and groceries bags, and running the <BR> sweeper does not equal using weight machines. But I liked thinking it did. <BR> Today I have some VERY sore muscles. I also have a reminder that quitting comes with a price. <BR> <BR> I've lost a lot of strength and endurance. I'm pretty an... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 17:53:00 EST Thank You for the Well Wishes! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5018579 My hubby is off work this week so I haven't had much Spark's time. <BR> I did want to take a minute and say thank you to everyone who has <BR> left comments on my Sparks page, my blog, and in the Living Binge Free team forum <BR> wishing us a Happy Anniversary yesterday. We had the most wonderful time. <BR> It really couldn't have been more perfect. We went to our favorite restaurant <BR> and had a delicious meal (feast), and then went to a movie. It was a very relaxed and <BR> enjoyable day ... Thu, 16 Aug 2012 20:27:22 EST A Commitment to Myself: Today I will LIVE. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5016162 Today is my 25th wedding anniversary. I made a commitment "for better or worse." <BR> Two of my 3 children have special-needs. I made a commitment to be "the mom" even though it's really hard some days. <BR> We homeschooled our oldest daughter through high school. That is a commitment that isn't for the faint hearted. <BR> <BR> I have proved that I can commit to someone and follow through, so today I commit to myself. I will not binge, and I will not deprive myself. I will love myself, and I... Wed, 15 Aug 2012 07:18:30 EST I Refuse to Diet! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5015379 I refuse to diet. I quit about a month ago. No more crazy diets. Ever! Dieting has been one of several contributing factors to my bingeing issues for years now. I diet (starve,) feel deprived, then I go off my diet, binge for a few days to a few weeks. Next comes the guilt, the self-loathing, and the weight gain. So what do I do? I repeat the cycle and start dieting again. I'm tired of it. It's not working for me. I felt like I was riding a merry-go-round of negative emotions, and "good vs. b... Tue, 14 Aug 2012 15:58:10 EST I've Got My Trainers Back! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5013418 My 2 special kids used to love to walk. We walked everyday and they gave me a great workout. They race-walk, and I'm eating their dust if I can't keep up. But then last fall I had a fibro/RA crash that sidelined me for almost 6 months. That and all of their tech toys turned my "coaches" into couch potatoes. I have been trying very hard to get them out walking again, but they don't want to go. They melt-down and I can hardly get their shoes tied...until yesterday. My one daughter wants the Man... Mon, 13 Aug 2012 11:26:59 EST From Procrastination to Motivation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5011758 I'm a 3rd generation procrastinator with a lot of "experience" in putting things off. <BR> I'm The Queen of last minute. It something I've been working hard to change. <BR> I bought a book back in January on procrastination...I still haven't finished reading it. <BR> I have craft projects, a Spanish course, and a few other things on my To Do list. <BR> I still need to do them. Seriously...I'm trying very hard to learn how to prioritize, <BR> organize, and get the important stuff completed. Re... Sun, 12 Aug 2012 08:18:41 EST I Just Gave Myself a "Time-Out" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5011156 It has been a very hectic day. I'm tired and I'm feeling very stressed!! <BR> But something rare just happened. For the next 45 minutes I have a quiet house. <BR> Everyone is gone. So instead of worrying about the 2 loads of clothes I need to fold, <BR> and the dishes waiting to be washed I decided to give myself a "time-out" before I lose my temper, or whine, or decide to open the gallon of ice cream in the outside freezer. <BR> I need to chill, and post a quick blurb for my blog. I like blo... Sat, 11 Aug 2012 17:06:52 EST Non-Scale Victories: Or When the Number is Stuck http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5009972 I have a love hate relationship with my scale. If “the number” is good then I love it. <BR> If the number doesn’t please me, well... my day is ruined, wiped out, and completely shot by a little piece of digital plastic and metal. Well, that was before I found Sparks. <BR> <BR> When I joined Sparks a few weeks ago I kept seeing posts about “non-scale victories.” <BR> I had no clue what that meant. And here I thought I knew everything about weight-loss. <em>41</em> <BR> <BR> I soon found ou... Fri, 10 Aug 2012 15:59:59 EST It's Been Rough, But Quitting is Not an Option! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5008563 It's been a rough week. I've been feeling very emotionally drained. <BR> My "special kids" have been testing my patience to the limit, and my stress level is off the charts. These are the kind of days (and weeks) when it's so easy to give up and <BR> use my stress and my situation as an excuse to quit and just start eating EVERYTHING that's not nailed down. I've done that too many times in the past. But not this time. Quitting isn't an option!! <BR> <BR> I have found ways to deal with the ... Thu, 9 Aug 2012 17:14:58 EST Are You Nice to Yourself? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5006500 I wrote on Monday that it's my favorite day of the week. <BR> Monday's are my day of rest, but after I wrote that one of my "special" kids <BR> delayed my resting. It wasn't intentional; she was having a very emotional day <BR> and due to her limited vocabulary she had a 90 minute melt-down when I was getting ready to walk out the door for some much needed "me-time." When I was finally able to get her calmed down enough that I could sit next to her, I put my arm around her, told her I love... Wed, 8 Aug 2012 11:22:50 EST Attitude: It will make you or break you! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5004606 Attitude is everything. It will make you or break you. I'm talking from experience. <BR> I use to have a lot of pity parties about my kids and my health, and that's the short list. <BR> I finally realized that my self-pity wasn't changing anything. <BR> It just made me spiral deeper down. My attitude was causing me to fail. <BR> I would call myself fat, dumb, weak, etc...When I started taking nice to myself, giving myself <BR> positive pep talks, cutting myself a break when I didn't meet my e... Tue, 7 Aug 2012 08:00:58 EST I Love Mondays! Really! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5002966 Most people don't like Mondays, but it's my favorite day of the week. <BR> All the Monday-haters are groaning now. It's ok. I won't take it personally. :) <BR> <BR> The biggest reason I love Monday: It's my "day of rest." <BR> I have help during the week for my "special" kids. <BR> Saturday and Sundays I'm on double duty. <BR> I don't mind. I LOVE my Kids. But when Monday comes around I'm doing <BR> a happy dance (in my head.) I don't schedule appointments on Monday, <BR> and I don't plan ... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 07:29:56 EST Measuring My Success http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5001675 Today is weigh-day. I gained a pound this week. <BR> I had a VERY successful week. I heard a gasp. <BR> Someone is thinking how is gaining a pound successful? <BR> My only goal for this week was to not binge, and I didn't binge. <BR> I didn't eat very healthy this week, I ate out a few too many times, and I had very high sodium levels on my daily food tracker. I figured the scale would show more than a pound up, but it doesn't matter this week. I didn't binge. <BR> For the last 3 years I've s... Sun, 5 Aug 2012 09:31:11 EST Eat the Live Frog First! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5000573 Every year I have a standing date with "Dracula." I have to get a fasting blood draw to stay on our health insurance, and every year I always wait until the last minute to get it over with. Why do I wait? Because I don't want to leave the house with out my morning cup of java already down the hatch. (whine, whine, whine!) Really? All because of a cup of coffee? No, not really. The truth is I just don't want to do it. Period; End of story! So I had to wait 45 minutes in a room full of like min... Sat, 4 Aug 2012 10:57:06 EST I'm Not a Mouse! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4999179 Two of my three beautiful daughters have "special-needs." <BR> Most days it "ain't pretty" at our house. Yesterday was one of those days. <BR> I was helping one of my daughter's brush her teeth which spawned a yelling fit. <BR> The sound was reverberating off the bathroom walls, so I put my hands on my ears and said, "Too Loud!" (you gotta talk her language if you want results) She promptly replied, "Mommy Mouse!" I'm thinking, "I'm not a mouse; I'm stressed!" I asked her, "Why am I a mouse? ... Fri, 3 Aug 2012 08:44:45 EST A Blog Post a Day Keeps the Bingeing Away http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4998317 There's something very liberating about finally being able to tell someone "my secret." <BR> For a very long time my bingeing was my business, my secret, and there wasn't anything else to say. Final. Period! End of story!! I didn't want to tell anyone, because I was embarrassed, and I thought people would think I was weak and "messed up." <BR> I was worried they would judge me and look down on me. The shame that accompanies bingeing (for me) is unbearable. So unbearable it would actually lead... Thu, 2 Aug 2012 16:43:48 EST A Very Close Call Yesterday http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4997185 I had a close call yesterday. So close it really shook me up. Let me back up a little. This is a hard week for me. This weekend it will be fours years since my mom passed away. She was very young; only 62. For the last 3 summers I have spent the week before and after bingeing. My mom was an emotional eater and binged as well. Her mom was anorexic and purged with laxatives. My grandma looked like a skeleton. Not a pretty family tree. <BR> Getting back to yesterday…I thought I was “handling it... Wed, 1 Aug 2012 22:38:53 EST When Temptation Comes Calling (in a bag of chips) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4994250 I try very hard not to snack after 7-8 pm Sunday-Thursday. It's one very simple rule that has a great pay off. Unfortunately my husband likes to watch TV at night in the bedroom, and snack on chips, nuts, etc. I've tried talking explaining to him that once I'm in bed that is my way of telling myself the kitchen is closed. If I'm sitting in bed reading or watching TV then I won't get back up to look for something to snack on. It's my down time before I go to sleep. We reached an impasse. He wo... Tue, 31 Jul 2012 07:12:36 EST My Own Version of Fruit on the Bottom Yogurt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4992862 I love fruit on the bottom yogurt, but I don't like the choices at the grocery store. <BR> I don't need the extra sugar in the regular versions, and I'm not a big fan of artificial sweeteners. Occasionally I'll get sugar free syrup in a decaf Starbucks coffee, or I might have a piece of sugar free gum to keep the munchies away, but just once in a while. <BR> <BR> I've come up with my own version of fruit on the bottom yogurt and I thought I would share. <BR> I put one cup of frozen cherries... Mon, 30 Jul 2012 10:12:42 EST