LESLIELENORE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=LESLIELENORE LESLIELENORE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Life's curveballs... and facing reality http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6390389 So, someone keyed the rental car between the time we parked it and the time the first rental agency employees arrived the next day. Thank goodness I paid for the insurance coverage... but still... why do people feel the need to damage things? I just don't understand... sigh. Of course the first I knew of this was a registered letter from the rental agency asking for a police report to explain the damage... what? What accident? I had no clue what they were talking about. There was no dam... Fri, 21 Jul 2017 22:15:32 EST Sorry for the silence... family stuff happened http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6389688 So my niece ended up stranded in Toronto (yes, in Canada) without her passport or ANY form of ID, after her purse got lifted this past weekend. After some fussing and finagling, and armed with the police report, and other pertinent information she was able to successfully cross back into the United States on Sunday evening, but she had no money, no ID (including no Driver's License, etc) and no way of safely getting back to Western NY where the majority of the family lives on Thursday to hel... Thu, 20 Jul 2017 06:43:52 EST I had a thin-skinned sort of day today... they happen http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6387881 Things happened today that were irritating, but normally I could write them off and move on. For some reason today I was having trouble doing that. Well, I know one reason was because I had a migraine this morning... triggered from the copious amounts of cigarette smoke from my next door neighbor's apartment. I took medicine and a nap and the migraine broke this afternoon, but the pain always makes me cranky... and less able to cope as I normally would. (And she opened her door to let me ... Sat, 15 Jul 2017 21:27:45 EST Being organized http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6387526 I continue making strides on overhauling my apartment. I keep finding nooks and crannies that I tucked "stuff" into. Some of it is very useful stuff, or has sentimental value, but I wonder at times why I chose to put "that"... over "there"... I had two friends show up today to relieve me of some of my stuff, and I will take a few things to another friend tomorrow. On Monday, if it isn't raining Dad and I are taking a truck load of donations to the Northern Chautauqua Canine Rescue (which ... Fri, 14 Jul 2017 21:31:55 EST Reminding myself to be grateful for what I CAN do... some firsts I had forgotten http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6386821 I mentioned in yesterday's blog that it has been a hard few months for my entire family. Pretty much starting with the sudden death of my Mother on April first, and just rolling onward non-stop since then. There have been joyous moments. Content moments. Loving moments. But they get overshadowed by the dark and foreboding, life-changing events and diagnoses that seem to just keep coming at us. It seems none of us is excluded. Myself included. <BR> <BR> I was finally given a diagnosi... Thu, 13 Jul 2017 07:52:56 EST Accepting my body... becoming more body aware http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6386403 When I was a pre-teen and young teenager I was a dancer (ballet, tap, jazz... you name it I at least tried a class), and even joined a competitive troupe for a while. For some reason that changed. Not sure if it was hormones, a growth spurt that altered my body shape, geography, or shifting social groups... but I fell away from that skill and activity, and moved to sports for a while. Both require you to be aware of your body. How you move. How you fuel your muscles. How best to build a... Wed, 12 Jul 2017 08:06:18 EST Enjoying small pleasures http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6386242 I treated myself to a hair touch up, as my last few weeks have been so crazy. It turned out really pretty. The sun bleached out the purple, so all that was left was the sapphire and teal, and that had faded in places to kind of a silvery sheen (my BFF, Jen, said it was opalescent), so all we did was add back in the purple and it perked everything back up. My roots are coming in my natural dark brunette, so next time I go for color we will have to do something about that. (the stylist and ... Tue, 11 Jul 2017 21:57:53 EST Take a breath... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6385801 So, today was my birthday. One member of my family acknowledged it, and I spent a good bit of the afternoon at the vet's office with my dog.Maybe not the best birthday ever, especially since it is the first I am celebrating without my Mother... but for some reason I am not as weepy as usual. Maybe it is due to all the personal reflection I have done lately? Or maybe I am just too tired to be upset. I only usually get weepy on the day of my birthday... and then I am fine. I will see. I D... Mon, 10 Jul 2017 21:06:47 EST Remembering a Sparkstreak... Why is it all worth it? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6385412 I was reading the email from Sparkguy this evening, and the connected blog, and I was reminded of what kept me motivated and moving with my fitness program in such a consistent and dedicated fashion. It was those "silly" Sparkstreaks. I started with just 10 minutes, three times a week, but increasing steadily... until I could successfully do 120 (or more) of moderate (or at times, more intense) exercise most days of the week. I started doing some sort of exercise for those 2 hours every si... Sun, 9 Jul 2017 23:17:50 EST Almost there... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6384985 I have almost reached the end of what there is to be sort, rearranged, donated, tossed, or otherwise purged in my apartment. I have done a clothes closet purge fairly regularly since I started noticeably losing weight, but I have just absent-mindedly shoving odds and ends in closets since I moved into this apartment about 5 tears ago. (I also seem to have run out of unpacking steam at some point when I moved, because I found several boxes that were obviously from the move shoved in dark cor... Sat, 8 Jul 2017 21:57:48 EST Taking the risk to be vulnerable can be rewarding... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6384227 I took a risk yesterday communicating with my best friend... and it could have gone badly, but the result was beautiful. She understood what I was attempting to say, and acknowledged the care and respect from which it was said, and that I expressed for her. Today when I talked to her she simply said "thank you"... a beautiful and life affirming moment for both of us. But it came about because one of us was willing to be vulnerable to the other, and in response the other was willing to refl... Thu, 6 Jul 2017 22:17:44 EST Finally, my annual wellness exam... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6383795 So, I had my annual doctor exam this morning... the one that was originally scheduled at the beginning of March, but the doctor kept canceling. I had given up on him and scheduled it with the PA. I like her. Of course, since it had been so freaking long since I have been in the office I had to update my family medical history... which meant talking about my Mom dying and everything. And Dad's health scare. And then, we got into everything new with me... oy! I have to say... I drank 3 hu... Wed, 5 Jul 2017 20:29:14 EST Okay, this is a rant (but I have been told by a number of people I am not paranoid) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6383065 So, I can only speak from my own experience, but I have been thinking about the change in the attitude of the medical professionals I deal with since I dropped the majority of my weight, and made lifestyle changes that helped get and keep me mentally stable. <BR> <BR> First, I need to provide a just a tiny bit of background... I am a low-income, woman, who was morbidly obese and had a severe and persistent mental health diagnosis. I have been seen by a number of medical professionals, and h... Tue, 4 Jul 2017 02:28:55 EST Changing my perspective on things http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6383010 So I have been moving from crisis to crisis for the last ten days or so (well, really, since April First, when Mom passed)... and while I deal with it by feeling the frustration and acknowledging that I am frazzled... and then finding the humor in the situation, usually ending up laughing at myself... I still have felt like it was a never-ending pattern of running from one crisis point to the next, and was starting to lose perspective on the fact that things would eventually resolve. I saw m... Mon, 3 Jul 2017 22:57:42 EST Getting my head back on straight http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6382561 After a hectic, crazy, worrying week I was really missing my mom so I reached out to a couple of Sparkfriends, who helped talk me out of my anxious state. And this evening I have been chatting with my niece. She and my mom used to have long, involved conversations about absolutely everything and I think my niece may miss my mom even more than I do. Anyway, we have been chatting online the last few days, and we have been having those conversations... It is almost like I have been channeling... Sun, 2 Jul 2017 20:43:37 EST The closet clearing continues... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6382132 So I have a large closet in my front entry hall of my apartment (double folding doors big), and an enormous walk in closet off my living room, near my bathroom (this closet also holds my hot water heater). I have succeeded in mostly clearing out the boxes and random items in the walk in closet, due in part to having to remove boxes when the maintenance man replaced my hot water tank. Once they were out in the middle of my floor and I had to look at them all the time it was harder o ignore t... Sat, 1 Jul 2017 18:12:49 EST The early bird gets... answers? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6381778 So, I was up and out early to go to Dad's and walk, have coffee and breakfast, etc. I had some errands to run, including an extra run to the grocery store (I picked up a pint of lemon ice cream... remember the ice cream, it comes up again) and intended to go to the used book store and drop off a couple of more bags of books off my shelves. After I got my groceries... including that ice cream... I took it all back to my apartment to put them away, grab the books, etc. I got all the grocerie... Fri, 30 Jun 2017 20:30:34 EST Sometimes you have to be a nag... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6380912 <BR> i have been having continuous internet issues for the last three days, where my internet drops out of sync and I lose connection. Most of the time I could reboot the modem and eventually it would come back online. I have had an open service ticket with tech support at my service provider for three days. They have been telling me wild things. This morning about 5am it cut out completely and would not come back on at all. No internet at all. (This wasn't all bad as I took the opport... Wed, 28 Jun 2017 17:19:15 EST Hmmm. Interesting... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6380567 So, it was a busy day, starting at 7am, and I got home a little after 6pm. I made it to all 4 of my appointments, and almost all of the ran on schedule. Thankfully the only that started late was the last one at 2pm. That one was a Pulmonary Function Test, ordered by my rheumatologist, not because of any particular shortness of breath during normal activity, but more as a baseline... since the form of lupus I have damages the organs if left untreated, and we are uncertain how long I have ha... Tue, 27 Jun 2017 21:29:31 EST On the phone... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6380064 I hate talking on the phone, but... sometimes it is necessary. So this morning I called the vet, and set up Cooper's annual check up and shots. Then I called the visiting nurse agency... and they thought they had called me back on Friday... and the new nurse would be here in about 10 minutes! Uh... okay. So, that was a pause, but a good one. I like the new nurse. She is efficient and not overly friendly. I don't get the feeling she gossips. That is refreshing. Then, after she left I ... Mon, 26 Jun 2017 19:31:59 EST Chasing raindrops... or rather the spaces between them http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6379600 Today's forecast was for scattered showers and thunderstorms... so the task for my Cooper-dog and myself was to time our walks (and runs for me) around the downpours. I tried. I took him out extra early this morning in an attempt to get in a good long walk before it started. We were about 5o minutes out and there were blue skies over one of my shoulders... when I noticed the rapidly building dark clouds over the other shoulder, which proceeded to open up and pour down about a quarter inch ... Sun, 25 Jun 2017 18:23:46 EST Being ready and willing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6379322 So, it occurs to me from reading other people's blogs, and the comments left on my own blogs that are two main actions required when it comes to creating a healthier lifestyle (which hopefully leads to weight loss), and they are really two sides of the same action... 1. Breaking old habits and... 2. Creating new habits. <BR> <BR> When I was morbidly obese I had so many unhealthy habits, and I was apathetic, at best, about even considering changing them. From emotional eating to sugar addi... Sun, 25 Jun 2017 00:08:00 EST Back to basics http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6378839 One of the main concepts Spark founder Chris Downie talks about is the criss cross effect. Weight loss does not happen as an isolated act. Lasting weight loss occurs by developing effective goal setting skills... and achieving your goals consistently over time. I so agree with this. When I began this journey to a healthier lifestyle I had the primary goal of achieving a certain weight on the scale, but it very quickly became obvious to me that I needed to address more than just calorie in... Fri, 23 Jun 2017 16:51:34 EST Doing little things to make positive changes in my mood... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6378383 I was feeling anxious last night after firing my visiting nurse on Monday, and my primary care doctor on Wednesday... so I felt the need to do something visible and constructive to lift my spirits. When I walked in my apartment from walking Cooper it struck me that my shoe rack in the entry way was an eye sore and full of worn out or unwanted shoes/boots. Easy solution to boost my mood, and do something to improve my environment... clean that mess up and dispose of the excess. So I declut... Thu, 22 Jun 2017 14:24:18 EST Continuing the trend of being proactive... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6377992 So, my Primary Care doctor's office called this morning to cancel my appointment on Monday and reschedule me to the middle of freaking July. This the third time they have rescheduled. This appointment was originally scheduled for March 5th. Five months of rescheduling is beyond ridiculous. So after my echocardiogram I went to the office to see what I could do. At first the secretary offered to schedule me with the PA or NP for now and I could see my Primary Care in July to discuss the im... Wed, 21 Jun 2017 16:23:33 EST Everything took twice as long... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6377633 I did a bunch of running this morning,... and everything seemed to take twice as long as it normally would. I was trying not to get frustrated, as it was nothing I had any control over. It just was what it was. And I did get everything done after all. I had an appointment with the neurologist this afternoon, and of course they always check my blood pressure... I thought it might be high after my frustrating morning, but nope... 116/68! Ha! The one thing that I don't seem to have a probl... Tue, 20 Jun 2017 21:15:41 EST Being an adult... cheering on a friend... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6377035 I basically fired my visiting nurse today. Sigh. I told her how things had to be, per insurance requirements, and she refused, and said maybe I would need someone to replace her, because "everyone does it this way..." so why should she alter her behavior to fulfill her job requirements. Sigh. So, I called her supervisor and requested a replacement. I called my BFF, Jen, afterward and she pointed out that the visiting nurse has basically been bullying me for the past year, and trying to d... Mon, 19 Jun 2017 11:17:00 EST Very active Father's Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6376841 I went out to my Dad's house to walk with him early in the morning. We usually do a touch over two miles before we have our coffee. After coffee I went for a short run, then started prepping some of the food for dinner. I trimmed two bags of brussells sprouts, peeled a bulb of garlic, and meticulously peeled an entire bag of those tiny pearl onions, then freshened up the marinade on the lamb roasts. By then it was about 9:30am, and it hadn't started raining yet, so I took Cooper for anoth... Sun, 18 Jun 2017 22:32:33 EST Rest day... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6376400 I am taking today to rest and recuperate and recharge for tomorrow and the week ahead. I am trying to decide if my dog is spoiled or just smart. He refuses to go out for a walk while I have the AC turned on. He likes to lay on the bed near the unit and just chill. When I ask if he wants to go for a walk he gives me a dirty look, then turns his head away from me... and puts it down on his paws... nope, not budging, he is comfortable right where he is! <BR> <BR> He makes me laugh. <BR> <B... Sat, 17 Jun 2017 20:23:29 EST One step at a time... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6376106 One of the items on my to-do list from the rheumatologist was getting a baseline eye exam (a specific kind of exam, which is different than the kind he normallly does), which I had this morning. That was step one. Next week I have an Echocardiogram(?) scheduled and the week after I have a Pulmonary Function Test on the list. This is on top of my regular appointments... and it just happens that a couple of my annual appointments fall in that time frame as well. This week ended up being the... Fri, 16 Jun 2017 23:35:56 EST Doing my research... morning surprise! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6375640 So I took yesterday to deny reality about my diagnosis, but today I went online and researched lupus... progression, symptoms, treatment, etc. Can I just say there is a lot of distressing, and probably false information on the internet about medical stuff?! I tried to stick to the more reputable sites, but sometimes it is hard to tell. When the site says "you are going to die", it is time to click to another site. Eventually, I ended up chatting online with a friend of mine who has been l... Thu, 15 Jun 2017 19:56:13 EST Medical update... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6375123 On a good note I finally convinced my one doctor to switch the med which has been causing me problems. I clearly and rationally outlined my reasons, and listened to his concerns... and then he agreed as long as we make the switch slowly gradually cross-tapering the old and new meds. I see him again in two weeks to check in. <BR> <BR> On the more difficult note... I saw the rheumatologist today. It turns out I don't have psoriatic arthritis like they thought from what they sawat the last v... Wed, 14 Jun 2017 14:24:07 EST I am struggling in so many ways... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6374549 I just got off the phone with my visiting nurse's supervisor... I have been letting an issue slide, but if I continue to let it slide it could have legal ramifications for me, as well as my visiting nurse. If we nip this issue now, maybe things can be resolved amicably... without the legal issues. Sigh. I hate confrontations, and dealing with supervisors. It feels like I am going behind her back, tattling. I am just telling myself it is her job, and she needs to do it per medical and ins... Tue, 13 Jun 2017 09:05:52 EST Summer weather seems to finally be here... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6373500 It was in the 80s today. After 50s and 60s last week (and most of May), it seems that Summer may finally have decided to make an appearance here. Of course, this is just too warm for my picky little pup, so he had fairly short walks until dusk. Then at 8:45pm I took him out for almost 2 hours... his choice. I was planning on one hour, but he was determined to keep going, so why not?! Despite our short walks during the heat of the day we still managed to rack up nearly 8 miles together. T... Sat, 10 Jun 2017 22:36:47 EST Summer weather seems to finally be here... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6373499 It was in the 80s today. After 50s and 60s last week (and most of May), it seems that Summer may finally have decided to make an appearance here. Of course, this is just too warm for my picky little pup, so he had fairly short walks until dusk. Then at 8:45pm I took him out for almost 2 hours... his choice. I was planning on one hour, but he was determined to keep going, so why not?! Despite our short walks during the heat of the day we still managed to rack up nearly 8 miles together. T... Sat, 10 Jun 2017 22:36:41 EST Being an adult is tiring http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6372685 There are some days I just want to abdicate. Yeah, there is a sense of accomplishment for rising up and meeting a challenge and overcoming it, but it still sucks. <BR> <BR> I was up early, and got the dog out for a 2 hour walk in the cool of the early hours. When we got back, I idly went online and checked my bank balance as I figured my rent check would process today... when to my horror I saw my account was missing a significant amount of money... but not a logical sum. So at 8:59am, ... Thu, 8 Jun 2017 20:47:16 EST Deep clean day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6369642 Thursdays are the day I make myself do a deep clean of my apartment. Not just the visible things. I got it done in about 2 hours today. Floors, walls, windows, baseboards, cupboards... plus the dishes, and of course scrubbing the toilet and tub in the bathroom... all things I hate doing, but need doing regularly. Today I made arrangements with a friend to borrow her carpet shampooer next week (if she remembers... it might take a couple weeks before she remembers to bring it over). Pretty... Thu, 1 Jun 2017 21:35:35 EST Me and my dog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6369213 I was up especially early this morning (before sunrise), and the dog refused to get out of bed... so I left him curled up with his head on my pillow, and went for a run. When I got done the sun had come up and the dog was willing to stretch and wiggle his furry behind out of bed, so we went for a good, long walk... And then I had coffee and breakfast. Since I took him for such a long walk this morning the dog has only been willing to go for short walks the rest of the day. But I had reach... Wed, 31 May 2017 22:03:46 EST Arguing with doctors... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6368780 Last week I made my first request to change my main medication. The doctor said.. there are options, but now is not the time. Okay. I asked again today. And was told I need to wait until after the 14th when I see the rheumatologist again... and then we will see. But I was also told that all the medications that will control my symptoms will have the side effects I dislike so much, just some more than others. The one I am on is on the "more" end of the spectrum. I would like to switch t... Tue, 30 May 2017 22:01:04 EST It has to be a choice... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6367467 I blogged yesterday about an acquaintance in my apartment building who is being proactive about getting healthier and losing weight, and has started walking with me and my dog in the evenings. I have another acquaintance who says all the words... but never, ever acts on them. At first it frustrated me. I know how good a healthy lifestyle change has made me feel... I want everyone to feel the difference! But I have to recognize that each person comes to this journey in their own time, and ... Sat, 27 May 2017 22:14:22 EST Passing it on... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6367063 I have an acquaintance in my apartment building who has recently gotten serious about losing weight and getting healthier. She has made some serious progress following the instructions of her doctor and the nutritionist he referred her to, but they also said she needed to increase her physical activity... so she asked if she could join me and Cooper on our evening walks. That makes sense, as that is usually our shortest walk of the day, and she is starting from pretty much zero activity. S... Fri, 26 May 2017 22:18:52 EST Rainy day... means a rest day in my dog's opinion http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6366646 My Cooper detests the rain. When I tried to coax him out of our apartment building this morning he gave me such a "look"! If doggies could shoot death rays out of their eyes I am sure I would be dead. I did get him out twice later in the day when there were breaks in the rain. But for the most part the constant drizzle meant that today was more of a rest day than I usually take. I did do a deep clean in my apartment. And I took care of some nasty relationship boundary setting... which i... Thu, 25 May 2017 21:28:54 EST Getting out of my own way... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6366171 I have come a long way on this healthy journey. That isn't bragging... the facts speak for themselves. If we go by weight loss results alone, then I could consider myself a success and leave it at that (I have been in maintenance for a while after all). But this journey is not just about weight loss for me... in fact, that is more like a side effect. It is more about uncovering hidden motivations, desires, emotions, patterns of behavior (both the healthy and unhealthy ones) and learning w... Wed, 24 May 2017 17:49:24 EST Teamwork makes light work http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6364941 Dad is rearranging all the furniture on the first floor of his house, including his baby grand Steinway piano. I was wondering how we were going to accomplish this, but we waited until we had most of the family gathered, and we all pitched in... and when you have 7 people lifting a baby grand it just doesn't feel as heavy anymore! Nobody had to strain, or hurt themselves to accomplish the task, and it was done quickly and easily, with little fuss. <BR> <BR> That seems like a good analogy... Sun, 21 May 2017 23:02:50 EST A solitary day... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6364519 Other than going to get my blood work taken care of this morning, and three phone calls with my friend Jen, it has been just me and my dog. When the world just gets too overwhelming I have to take a day and regroup. Today was that day for me. I did walk the dog 7 miles. Sat, 20 May 2017 22:58:06 EST How far can I bend before I break? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6364057 My dad and I both had doctor appointments today. According to my dad's doctor his lab results lead the doctor to believe the most likely causes for those results in a man my dad's age are either lung cancer or colon cancer. I am hoping his doctor is either overly cautious or an alarmist. My dad went for chest xrays and bloodwork right after his doctor appointment, so hopefully he will hear something first thing on Monday. <BR> <BR> As for me... the rheumatologist thinks my symptoms point... Fri, 19 May 2017 17:32:18 EST Too hot for the dog... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6363684 My Cooper does not like the heat. It got up to 85F today, and I could tell it affected him. On our early morning walk he was fine, as it hadn't gotten too hot yet, but our two midday walks were funny... and short. When I took him out at 2:30pm, we walked as far as the end of the parking lot... and he laid in the grass, put his head on his paws, and refused to budge. He was comfortable right where he was, and he had no desire for further movement. He even went so far as to shut his eyes ... Thu, 18 May 2017 20:23:26 EST One foot in front of the other http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6363233 Just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other right now. Some days you just have to "live small". I can't deal with looking at large goals or big problems. I am just going day by day. I have decided that is just fine. If I want to narrow my focus, and my social circle then that is what I should do... for now. This is not a permanent state for me. The only guarantee is that things will evolve and change. <BR> <BR> Today it got up to about 82F, and it is supposed to do the s... Wed, 17 May 2017 19:06:50 EST No decisions will be made at this point... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6362840 Dealing with grief, and dealing with the symptoms of my mental illness can get a little befuddling. My thought processes can go a little sideways in a normal situation, and now... I am a bit confused about what is normal in the grief process, and what I need to be concerned about. Ah well. I will continue to muddle along the best I can. And now I am considering the wisdom of moving out of my apartment at some (soon) time. The drama, gossip, drinking, parties, and just the general feelin... Tue, 16 May 2017 21:01:45 EST Sorted the last boxes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=6362432 I went to Dad's house this afternoon and went to work on sorting the rest of the boxes of school supplies... and I finished! There is an end! Of course there are still some craft supplies upstairs... Tomorrow, I am going out to have a light dinner with Dad and will carry the boxes I sorted out to the barn. <BR> <BR> I also got some grocery shopping taken care of, some cleaning, a short run, and walked Cooper 4 times. I did NOT take the time to be quiet and still and discern where my mi... Mon, 15 May 2017 21:46:42 EST