LAKEWOODGARDENS's SparkPeople Blog

knee progress

Sun, 2 Jan 2011 16:42:20 EST

had my second knee surgery in august. i was able to walk in october but the wear and tear of working and walking took a toll. i have been using crutches now at work. after 2 weeks off work with only doing my exercises and some walking around home, i am in pretty good shape in terms of knee pain. i am walking with a limp though. but we will see how i'm doing back at work after tomorrow. i have a doctor appointment tomorrow. i really want to walk well and without pain again. i am going ...

the first day of the week

Sun, 11 Jul 2010 11:25:10 EST

i had a good week of following my eating goals, then thursday i weighed in. i had gained 2 pounds from the thursday before. what in the world? so i took a couple of days off from spark program. i didn't go crazy eating and still weigh 270 this morning, but i was kind of put off. it's funny because my weight loss buddy told me he had a goal of losing 5 pounds, and i told him my goal was just to do my exercises and follow my goals. i said that way i could make my goals and not be disappoi...

hot day

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 23:09:20 EST

it wasn't as hot here as it was in the east coast, but it was really humid here today. it rained two or three times or maybe more. it seemed like the water just kind of slipped out of the air. just walking the dog my shirt got completely soaked with sweat. i went out in the yard and did a few things and my shirt got soaked. i rode the exercise bike outside and my shirt got soaked. i grilled out and my shirt got soaked. i could have felt miserable, but there was something about it that...

further thoughts on honesty

Tue, 6 Jul 2010 13:25:29 EST

i wrote this following blog in response to a comment on my "honesty" blog from yesterday. as i wrote this response, it made me think so much that i decided to put it this blog so i can refer to it later. i am considering talking to my therapist on this topic. here is my response.

oh, i am sure i could talk to my mom about my incidents of dishonesty. it's funny i was just using that going to church "lie" as an example of my dishonesty---saying that i was dishonest over things t...

completely honest

Mon, 5 Jul 2010 23:24:09 EST

i was at an aa meeting the other day where they were talking about relapse. one person said that her relapse started long before she drank again. it started when she began not being completely honest in everything. i took that to heart because it holds true for my eating as well as drinking. i have things that i do that i hide. it's in my nature to sneak and be dishonest. my mom will ask me if i went to church and even if i didn't go to church i say i did. i tell her that i went so as ...

beautiful day

Sun, 4 Jul 2010 12:54:38 EST

I spent the early morning outside, just looking at the wind blowing through the leaves of the birch trees in the front yard. the leaves are thinner than tiny triangles of tracing paper. You can even see the light through their translucent bodies. the leaves blew in different directions in the breeze. one time a chickadee on the way to the suet that we have hanging under the eves flew within a few feet of my face. it was almost like someone had thrown a ball at me. the bird missed me, but...

feeling a little better

Sat, 3 Jul 2010 21:43:39 EST

i know this is only the second day that i have been trying to "watch my weight," but i feel better about myself today. i feel like i am in the process of changing.
we had people over to visit today. we almost never do that. in the last week, we have had 2 sets of people over. i know my wife is nervous about the state of our house; but i have done my best to make things look okay and then i have just invited people over to swim. we have a huge pool, and we almost always swim alone....

starting over and over and over

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 13:33:26 EST

I am starting to come back to spark after a while off. i was making blog entries every day for a long while. but it seemed like all i could write about was my knee pain and issues with walking. it has been 10 months since my knee injury and surgery and i still can't walk well, but in may i finally got off crutches and used a cane for a month. now i am walking. not well, but walking--hobbling or walking some. i am able to take my dog for a walk. if we leave from home, she ignores all t...

thinking about summer and the cubs

Wed, 3 Feb 2010 22:15:38 EST

I am taking a writing class and we have to journal. this is today's journal.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPOT TO RELAX? WHERE IS IT, AND WHY IS IT YOUR FAVORITE SPOT?
Sunday afternoon in the summer. The sun is bright, my eyes squint. I go back in my house and get my baseball cap. I roll the solar cover off our swimming pool. The water is clear, and I can see the happy blue bottom. The outdoor temperature is in the mid-80’s and the water temperture in 88. It is about 1:15, and...

I'm getting better

Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:58:39 EST

had a good day. using my cane seems to help with getting back a natural gait. i think i'm at 75% recovery. I am feeling pretty positive about things. just need to get back on the exercise bike etc and get some of the calories off. Once i am active again i will be a lot happier.

poor brett favre

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 22:57:47 EST

as a cub fan i should be used to this, but it never gets any easier to watch a player that you like lose a game. my heart goes out to favre. i wish he could have gone out winning the super bowl. well, life goes on for me.
my mom has a deer that eats out of her bird feeder. i've been writing more for my class. i went to the warm water pool therapy this morning and my knee is bending very well. i guess i'll start looking forward to baseball spring training and my fantasy baseball s...

union and worker's comp denial

Fri, 22 Jan 2010 23:42:36 EST

I had an appointment with the union and a paralegal about the insurance's denial of my worker's compensation claim. They are definitely going to take the case and appeal it to the state claim office. they think i have a pretty good case. but then who knows? i feel so blessed to have the union. i was feeling really resentful toward the insurance company, but now i just don't get it. i guess their rejecting it is sort of like a game. but if people don't have a union who will hire a lawye...

hey hey i've graduated to a cane

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:06:30 EST

i have now graduated to a cane. i can already tell that it helps me to walk a little bit better. i can get a more natural gait with a cane and it really improves my ability to carry things and to get back to normalcy. i am surprised at the fact that it is easier to walk with a cane. the only time i have a problem is when i have been sitting for a while and then try to get up and start walking with a cane. the PT said before i get up i should do some bending of my knees and do some leg li...

turning an old nightmare into a little story

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 23:41:03 EST

I am taking a writing class. our assignment was to turn a nightmare that we remember into a vignette. I have taken my basic dream that I wrote down, enlarged and embroidered it to make a little better story. By the way this dream was one of the reasons that I went back to AA after having a relapse.
I was in an old store that had wide floor boards darkened by ground-in dirt. There were thin, long, very black spaces between many of the boards. Not only was the store building ol...

not eating after going to bed

Mon, 18 Jan 2010 23:57:45 EST

since the beginning of the year, i have been trying to stop my nightly (after going to bed) binges in the middle of the night. sometimes i have been getting up three times a night and eating. well, i have been successful at not eating after bed 13 times so far this year. i have a bunch of stickers up on the kitchen calendar. i put one up each morning if i get through the night. it isn't easy because i have had quite a long term habit of eating after going to sleep but i am having pretty ...

odds and ends

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 22:51:45 EST

my toothache has definitely gotten worse. there have been short time periods where the pain was extreme. so i hope my dentist will be working on martin luther king day and i can call in for an appointment. i have been rinsing with warm salt water and/or mouthwash and been putting warm pad on it. that keeps the pain away.
i was excited with the minnesota viking victory. i really want them to win the super bowl. the vikings have lost 4 super bowls before. i just hope that they finall...

a little toothache

Fri, 15 Jan 2010 23:30:13 EST

I've got a toothache or something. the left side of my mouth just hurts. it seems to go into the jaw and up by the ear. but then it subsides. like right now it isn't too bad. I was supposed to go in for my teeth cleaning today, but i canceled. i was too embarassed because i hadn't been brushing my teeth regularly. for the last week or so, i've been using my sonic electric toothbrush everyday and everyday my gums have been bleeding. so i wonder if maybe my wild brushing has jarred some...

Wed. night 1/13/10

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 00:44:37 EST

i am practicing being assertive as it was one of the lessons that i had learned from my months on crutches. i was told that there was no one to go out doors for recess and asked almost ordered to go out for 10 minutes until the next person could come. i said it was too dangerous for me to go outside but that if they couldn't get enough supervision, i would show a movie in the library so there wouldn't be so many kids outside. well, they found someone else. so that is progress. i have al...

am i co-dependent? u bet i am

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:28:06 EST

well, i missed two days of posting. it has been a crazy time. my daughter is finally trying to be assertive, and she has a little anger pent up. things are really not going well at work. they were charging her for her health insurance as if she were less than 1/2 time. but the reason she was less than half time was because of their being short of money they cut the "planning time" hours. they weren't even giving any money to the program to create activities. the people who run the afte...

a mind is a dangerous thing to explore

Sat, 9 Jan 2010 19:59:52 EST

i haven't done much today. i finished a book i've been listening to: A GATE AT THE STAIRS by Lorrie Moore. The novel got great reviews and is based in the town where i live Madison, wi and around the state. it really didn't have a plot except the life of a 20 year old going to the university and her experiences. It wasn't exactly exciting but it was very interesting and had lots of insights about life. it is sent in the year after 9-11. i can't say it was sad because it was funny too, b...

knee talk

Sat, 9 Jan 2010 00:00:05 EST

well, i got through my first week of working full-time. no setbacks, and actually some progress. the main problem at least in my opinion is my unrepaired knee. i have been relying on it for so long that it has gotten battered and has been really hard to bend. always painful and very stiff when i try to bend my knee and walk normally. but tonight i went to the warm water pool, did my exercises, and then did my walking. in the pool i actually walk without the aid of anything. and it was ...

darn insurance companies

Thu, 7 Jan 2010 23:58:20 EST

I hurt my knee at work. i twisted it and tore the meniscus. but i got a letter today from the school's insurance carrier that they denied my workers' compensation claim. get this. it is based on the fact that i have a pre-existing condition. the pre-existing condition is that i had a previous knee surgery ----in 1966. but i actually tore my meniscus at school on sept. 4 at 8:40 am. so how could tearing my meniscus be related to a previous meniscus surgery that occurred over 40 years ag...

i have learned some lessons

Tue, 5 Jan 2010 23:58:49 EST

my knee was okay today. maybe not quite as good as yesterday, but still lots better than the sunday before school started again. i went to see my therapist today. i told him i learned a lot of lessons while i was on crutches and maybe i am ready to move back to walking and being healthy. i learned to gauge my body and how to rest and take better care of it. i learned how to say no to a lot of meetings and evening obligations, and that i can stay home without feeling guilty. i learned ho...

jan.4, 2010

Tue, 5 Jan 2010 00:13:06 EST

well, i was in for a pleasant surprise today. i walked (with crutches) more this morning than i had walked all of winter vacation. but surprisingly, the more i bent my knee in simulated walking the easier my bending came. by the time the day was done, i could bend it with a minimum of pain. i did my physical therapy exercises when i got home, iced my knee, ate, and went to my aa meeting. then came home and elevated my legs and iced some more. i don't know how things will be tomorrow, bu...

jan.4, 2010

Tue, 5 Jan 2010 00:12:49 EST

updates

Sun, 3 Jan 2010 23:01:48 EST

I have been going to the warm water therapy pool most days for the past two weeks, and I have seen some improvement in how my knee is bending. But most of the improvement is while i am in the warm water. while i am there, i practice walking. and with minimum knee bending i can walk more normally than while on the floor. during the first session, i noticed how much better i could bend while in the water, but things are only a little better than they were at that point. I really anticipat...

starting a new year

Fri, 1 Jan 2010 23:52:41 EST

Today was a better than yesterday because i put less emphasis on today. i was more relaxed. for the last week i have only left the house to go to aa or to the gym. just like last night, i realized that i have been been passively punishing myself. i need to take charge of my life. next week i go back to work full time, so if i want to go out and do something i should. the trouble is with all this snow going anywhere outside while on crutches is dangerous. i have to be so darn careful no...

new year's eve

Thu, 31 Dec 2009 23:38:25 EST

10:21 pm my wife's head is laying back on the chair. she is asleep. i am having a bit of a hard time. i am feeling very isolated and thinking about how things could have turned out differently. my wife asked me are you going to feel like it is necessary to go out or do something tonight. " no i didn't" i said. but what i didn't say was that i get a little claustrophobic sometimes and feel scared about being alone, and unnurtured. i actually should have said i can handle being with just ...

people pleaser and/or nice guy

Wed, 30 Dec 2009 10:09:09 EST

I'm always a nice guy. the key word in that sentence is always. i always help people out if it 's at all possible. i will stretch my resources and put my needs second in order to help someone who has a bad luck story. so you see my daughter gets her behavior patterns from me. i'm trying to help her learn not to let people take advantage of her, but i have to learn the lesson myself. my therapist says something like this: helping people is good as long as i have a choice of whether to d...

knee better

Mon, 28 Dec 2009 22:43:24 EST

i'm supposed to be using my crutches, but i am also supposed to be simulating walking. i'm supposed to be putting weight on my legs and bending my knees and basically just using the crutches as stabilizers. well, up until today, i would bend my knee about 10 degrees and at that point it would either hurt too much to bend further or it would lock up. even when i didn't put weight on my leg (like with walking) it hurt to bend. now, it still hurts to bend but not as badly. at this point, t...

prayers

Sun, 27 Dec 2009 23:58:21 EST

on monday, aboout a week ago, we had a church service called blue christmas. it was sort of a christmas serivce that was not the joyous celebratory thing but one that gave people permission to feel however they felt about christmas. it was a service of songs and readings and prayers and meditations. about 5 minutes into the service i was crying. it felt to me like my daughter was in a real bad place mentally and i didn't know what to do. people sort of drifted out after the service and si...

day after christmas

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 23:50:30 EST

a few days ago, i had a conversation with my daughter she was mad at me because i had talked her out of driving off on her own. days before that i had used my best influence and strongest language to discourage her from going. she said i was always getting into her business, but she said that she was as normal willing to let someone else determine her decisions. she said she always compromised for other people. i told she could drive somewhere on her own in the spring, but that i just was...

christmas day

Sat, 26 Dec 2009 00:05:35 EST

we had a surprisingly nice day. i wasn't worried about kc today because she seemed ok last night and she was making a meal for anthony's birthday today. not that she isn't doing more than her share of mothering. she spent a whole paycheck on christmas presents for the boys last night. i don't know what i want her to do, and it isn't my place to figure her life out for her. so i just hope that she has hit her bottom already and is figuring what she wants to do and not do and is able to sa...

christmas eve

Thu, 24 Dec 2009 23:58:39 EST

my daughter kc and her roomate mardi and mardi's 2 boys came over for christmas eve. it was good. the boys enjoyed our wii sports game. we ate lasagna which jean started making at 1:00, salad, vegetables with dip and garlic bread. we had the chocolate chips cookies that we made last night for desert. we didn't have many presents, but kc bought some cool ones for the boys. the one that i liked best was nightvision eyegloggles version 2. they really worked. when jean took the dog out, s...

back to the gym

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 21:55:28 EST

i went to phys. therapy today. i just have trouble bending my knees while putting weight on them. so i got a slip to admit me back to the gym so i could move my knees on the exercise bike and walk and do other exercises in the warm water (94 dgrees) pool. it was good to be back. walking in the pool was a little easier, but not pain free. i did some other types of walking (like a tin soldier and sideways for exanples) and other exercises. it was fun to go back. going to try to go often ...

a good talk

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 22:01:09 EST

i had a talk with my daughter last night. i got worried because on sunday when i talked to her about changing jobs, she said if i have to work full time at a new job, i might just have to hang myself. i kind of laughed it off at the time, but yesterday it began to weigh on me. (I had written a bunch of stuff about my conversation with her,but i had privacy concerns. so to make a long story short. she's not suicidal. thank goodness.)

my dog eats the wrong things and so do i

Mon, 21 Dec 2009 10:39:32 EST

a couple of days ago, i had someone carry a little furniture to the basement so our christmas tree would fit in the living room. he put the table and chair in a backroom in the basement. he didn't shut the door tight, and sometime saturday night or sunday am; my dog got into the room. we had food stored in the room, and my dog got into the room and ate 6 or 7 ounces of raisins. of course our first indication that something was wrong was discovering lots of vomit on the floor when we woke ...

my good wife

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 18:44:05 EST

today i felt pretty useless again. my wife scurried around cleaning the house, shoveling a snow path for my dog to run around in the backyard, doing laundry, and mostly i lay on the couch. this is a hard part for me. i want to contribute. i have a whole list of things i want to do and yet i can't--at least not right now. i lay on the couch and didn't do much. i know my wife understands but it doesn't make it any easier on her. this has been going on since sept 4. the only thing i can ...

my daughter and the physician's assistant

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:39:36 EST

went to see my therapist yesterday and came up with a plan to help KC. it is important for her not to just be going around with this all in her head. it is kind of like a brain surgeon doing surgery on his own head. she needs someone to help her and bounce ideas off. i knew that. ben says she needs guidance and i know a person that i think would be good. someone who is in alanon and is a licensed therapist. i think going to al anon would also help. kc needs to have a support group whe...

before i search in the refrigerator anymore, did you eat all the cheese?

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 09:00:14 EST

this is the question that my wife just asked at 7:30 am this morning. "yes, i ate the cheese last night. there might be a little left." and by that i mean a little. like less than an ounce. man, how guilty do i feel when i get asked questions like that? the answer is ashamed, embarrassed, and angry at myself. i have eaten my wife's ice cream before and had to go to the store after work to replenish it. i try to get exactly the same kind and put exactly the same amount in the containe...

went to sleep disorder clinic

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:10:24 EST

i went to the sleep disorder doctor today. i had gone to see him before and had had a sleep study done in mid november. that is where they hook all sorts of wires up to you and they measure your sleep patterns. i thought i slept pretty well that night. anyway, the doctor reviewed the sleep study with me. i don't have sleep apnea. i didn't have much REM sleep and when i did dream, i had more trouble breathing. even though i didn't know it the anti depressant that i am taking is one that a...

people who can't set boundaries resent people who can set boundaries

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:10:25 EST

my daughter kc wants to get out of town. she thought about visiting our friends mary demarc in denver or kathy houtchens in sanfrancisco. but both of them are pretty good at setting boundaries, and i already emailed mary demarc and she said it would be better if kc visited after the holidays. w2ll kc's vacation is starting friday and going through jan 3. so that wouldn't work. but maybe if mary knows that kc's time frame is very limited she will be more flexible. if a friend of mine's k...

tis the season

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:02:24 EST

we put up our christmas tree today. we have an evergleam aluminum tree vintage 1955ish. it is pretty easy to put up. our dog is allergic to evergreens--i guess, she started scratching herself like crazy a few years ago when we had a real christmas tree. so since we could not have a real one i figured i didn't want a fake one that tried to look real so why not go for retro aluminum. my wife was really in favor of it. we had just gone to exhibit of aluminum trees at the state historical s...

sat dec 12

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 00:04:58 EST

i went to a class all day today. i was sitting in a very comfy chair i n the school district office of middleton wisconsin learning about smartboards. they are white boards connected to a computer and a lcd projector. it is basically a huge manipulative touch screen sort of like tome cruise used in the minority report. lots of school districts around here have them, but madison basically has none. so it was a new experience for me. i was in over my head. interesting class but i wa...

rainbows and my daughter

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:36:37 EST

i forgot to say that yesterday on my way to school, i saw two parts of a rainbow. the middle was missing but both ends were obvious as they met the ground. it was pretty cool.

well, something different happened today. it is a little scary but also good. my daughter came over and told me she was about to her breaking point. she needed to leave town for a while. i listened and she told me that she was becoming the mother at her apartment. last year, kc and her roomate took in ...

tough weather

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:46:04 EST

pretty dangerous on crutches in 17 inches of snow. it's so cold that the salt can't melt the ice so the streets are incredibly bumpy and rutted and the sidewalks aren't much better. i only go from my car to school and from my garage into the house. not much of a life. but i got to be safe. maybe i can get off crutches by mid-jan the physical therapist said. and i have been assiduously doing my exercises and icing and stretching. i have hopes.

tomorrow i don't go to school bu...

big big snow storm

Wed, 9 Dec 2009 17:37:53 EST

well, we got 17.5 inches of snow by 8 am. everything is closed. no city buses. no mall. all state offices are closed. pretty much a statewide shut down. heavy snow is now resting on our tree branches, and many have already come down. our electric line goes between poles in the back of the yard, and branches are lying on top of it. then the line goes from the back of our yard to the house. that line has tree branches over the top of it. there are lots of people without power, and tem...

two nights without eating after going to bed

Tue, 8 Dec 2009 22:58:06 EST

first the confession. i eat at least once and sometimes as many as 5 times after going to bed--in the middle of the night. i usually do it whenever i wake up because i have conditioned myself into not being able to go back to sleep without eating. now at the sleep disorder clinic i did not eat during the night, but i had Luden's cough drops to eat/suck on and that served the same purpose. i almost always have to go get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom. well, for the l...

feeling useless

Sun, 6 Dec 2009 23:39:37 EST

this sucks. i had so many jobs that i would have done today. buy birdseed. put it in the feeders. plug in the bird bath. give the dog a bath. shovel the inch or so of snow out of the driveway. look over the back yard for things that might get my dog in trouble in case i have to stop trying to walk while i'm on crutches. since the time change i have been walking the dog while on crutches. to go about .4 mile it takes me about a half hour. my wife gets home at 5:30 and it is so dark...

"duh" realizations

Sat, 5 Dec 2009 14:31:37 EST

today while icing both knees after my pt exercises, i came to a "duh" realization. i have been working on my exercises diligently, but I have missed a couple of other aspects that will help my recovery. one is visualization or positive thinking. since i have not recovered quickly, i have given up thinking that i am going to make that jump toward walking. i just don't "see" it happening. it is out there in the future, but i am not able to imagine when it will take place. i just kind of go ...