LADYRINO's SparkPeople Blog LADYRINO's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community There is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a train! I try not to weigh myself anymore and use other measures to gauge my fitness. For example, I consider how my clothes feel, how my body moves in new ways, the more I can do without feeling exhausted. The first few months the pictures did not show much but today I see a difference and not just feel a difference. <BR> <BR> Here is me around 12/20/14: <BR> <img src=""> <img src=""... Sun, 22 Mar 2015 00:21:01 EST The scale does not tell it all I will be the first to admit that I want the weight to go away with the wave of the magic wand. i want my work out sessions to be as dramatic as the weight loss shows even though I know well enough that losing like that is not sustainable, healthy, etc. I know it took time for the weight to add up but I didn't seem to notice until it was too late. I was focused on other hurts and that was the least of my concerns. I have lost weight before and gained it back when the hurts came back. I l... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 00:59:43 EST Pictures don't always tell the whole truth I am looking at pictures of myself taken about a month apart- today there does not seem to be much of a difference. Here is today: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Here is about 1 month ago: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> There may not seem to... Wed, 21 Jan 2015 21:53:14 EST Derailments are not the end of the line The last 7 days or so have not been friendly to my goals of health. I have already lost my streak of purposed miles, water intake, and so many things....but it is a derailment NOT the end of the line. <BR> <BR> I have 50 million reasons as to why it happened. It was my husband, who works out of state 75% of the month, was home and I am less likely to get my routine in when he is home as it is about the time with him not my things. It was my job, where I sit at a computer, with extended ... Sun, 18 Jan 2015 22:10:53 EST The power of the drop I had planned to do 5K a day in 2015 and then realized that the change in my work schedule was not going to happen. My first thought was "well, there goes any chance of getting my miles in daily with all that I have to do...." and the defeatist come out. <BR> <BR> I allowed the defeatist to sit in the "well that sucks" space for a while. <BR> <BR> But then I took a different turn - I decided that if 5K a day was not going to happen due to schedule I would do at least 1 purposed mile a da... Thu, 1 Jan 2015 15:18:38 EST No more magic wands and no more wishes. I work from home and often have the TV on in the background to be a voice so I am not alone all day (it feels that way some days). The TV ads have been heavy with the "New Year Resolution" commercials. Lots of diet products and gear and everything to make it "just disappear" with no effort. Money yes, effort no....IF you just follow their plan. I have listen to the ads and think I wish it was that simple. I wish I had a magic wand. What happens when you quit buying their food? What if ... Tue, 30 Dec 2014 01:57:18 EST In search of The Moderate They say all things in moderation - I wish I could live that way. If food were in moderation I would not be this size. If I could exercise in moderation it would not be viewed as "well I could not get it all in so won't do anything". If I cleaned in moderation I would have organized areas not one spot done and chaos every where else as the project became overwhelming. <BR> <BR> The dictionary says moderation is "the avoidance of excess or extremes, especially in one's behavior or politica... Sun, 28 Dec 2014 16:27:53 EST Confessions and 5K Confession - I suck at dieting and sticking with it. <BR> <BR> Duh - if I were good at it I would not be this size. <BR> <BR> I go through spurts where I am doing good and then life gets in the way and I do not take a more active stance to protect "my" time and become the good martyr and give up my miles, my time, my health. <BR> <BR> I am healthier than I used to be. A little over 3 years ago I did my first half marathon and have been doing them pretty consistently over the years. I h... Thu, 25 Dec 2014 15:05:32 EST BOOYAH 2013 Like many of us I am reflecting on things gained, lost, found, accomplished and changed in 2013 as I look to 2014. Lost: Weight, inches, and some of my insecurities. Gained/Found: My voice, confidence, peace within, another year with my husband and children. Changed: The family grew (added my MIL and BIL to our home on a full time basis), house plan picked, life. Accomplished: Over 1000 purposed miles, 39 half marathons (both virtual and live), Books From Bug ready to submit to the IRS for fe... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 10:57:37 EST The magic of just 5 more minutes and lowest common denominator exercises I remember as a child asking for just for 5 more minutes lots of times - whether to stay up, watch a movie, playing outside, swimming, etc. Those 5 minutes were magical when granted. Not that they made a big difference in my life - but those 5 minutes were golden. <BR> <BR> I am a plus size endurance athlete and have completed more than 33 half marathons since 10/5/2011 but still have the days where the training runs/walks/wogs or even the races seem to suck everything out of me and I don'... Sat, 10 Aug 2013 20:54:47 EST Proof Proof of 18 months of believing I step at a matter how fast or how slow....proof that even big girls can be endurance athletes....proof of others belief in me...proof that I believe in me <BR> <BR> <img src=""> Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:03:42 EST How far is 13.1 miles? I started my half marathon adventures just over 1 year ago. My very first half marthon I was dead a LONG amount. The only people still at the finish line was my family and a race director. I was in tears at the end of this race. I finished out of shear determination. My legs were jello, my heart and spirit ached for the loss of my eldest daughter who I was walking in memory of, and I felt very alone as nearly the entire race every one went faster than me. <BR> <BR> <img src=... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 00:17:13 EST My Forrest moment I run for my life - physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It calms me, empowers me, clears my head, brings me to a center. When I first saw Forrest Gump (I was very pregnant with Halleigh) the scene when he just decided to run appealed to me. Today it does even more so. Perhaps that is due to having "enough" life, love and loss to understand. Forrest explained it this way "That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got... Sat, 3 Nov 2012 21:33:44 EST This runner's body I was in Los Angeles this past weekend to run (or my version of running) in the Rock N Roll half marathon. I shared a hotel room with a couple of other runners who are much more accomplished and faster than me. The night before the race we met up with a couple more runners who are also faster and/or more accomplished than me. Did I forget to mention they are all skinnier than me?.....anyway I digress. As we are carb loading the dinner before the race they are all talking about their goal ... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 14:01:43 EST Disappointment and determination Saturday was half marathon #9 in 9 months - and my first did not finish. It was hot and I started showing signs of heat exhaustion at mile 7. I was on a personal best pace but with no shade, my weight, temp of approimately 83 degrees - the heat got the best of me. It is still a hard pill to swallow. I know I did the right thing but that does not take away the sting of a did not finish. So I started looking for other races in my general area that would have a cooler temperature and allow ... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 12:40:01 EST 9 months and 6 half marathons and many lessons learned It is hard to believe it has been 9 months since I did my first half marathon let alone that I have 6 under my belt and working on getting 3 more in before my 1 year mark. If budget and time allowed I could easily manage to have an even dozen or more in 1 year. I have learned that I am capable of more than I ever knew. I found that the hours and the miles are a healthier way to deal with the loss of Halleigh but it does not make it go away. I have learned that I appreciate my husband and ... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 13:44:55 EST Supersized to Sated Where did I learn that I needed to supersize everything? Where did I learn that food was a solace and not a nutrient? Where did I learn to just shovel the food in regardless of how hungry I may or may not be? How many times have I heard in my dieting life to eat until feeling full but not stuffed? How many stories of the super fit have I read where they talk about eating smaller portions (full not stuffed)? Their ability to stop at just one (fill in the blank)? Eating off a child's menu... Mon, 28 May 2012 19:18:30 EST The future I wrote this in response to a phone call I received and as I sit back I am still amazed about the act of these 10-year-olds and thought that I would share it with you in case you need something uplifting.... <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Kids these days - Many are worried about our future and kids who seem to want more and more when they already have an abudance of things. I am not worried. I know of a group of 10-year-olds who already see beyond themselves. They recently had a lemonade stand and de... Tue, 6 Mar 2012 04:35:04 EST Back in the saddle and back on the treadmill Well I had a plan to survive another of Halleigh's birthdays. I know she is gone and not coming back. I know she is safe and whole in heaven. But I know my human heart breaks daily at the loss of my Bug. The plan went out the window when the pain was too much. I did not care about the treadmill, food, etc. It was all I could do to simply function let alone try to be healthy. Another birthday gone. She would have been 17 on Saturday. <BR> <BR> Today is another day. I have to pull m... Sun, 4 Mar 2012 23:34:26 EST Not enough miles Halleigh would be turning 17 in 2 weeks and I am finding the depression striking with a vengence. So many of her favorite movies seem to be cycling back in to play lately. And while I "know" I can change the channel - I just can't change the channel. It has been about 2.5 years since she died but it sure feels like last night was the last time I held her as she left her mortal body. I am trying to deal with the overwhelming sadness that is washing over me. I am trying not to overeat. I ... Sun, 19 Feb 2012 02:22:39 EST Me, a pin up girl I have always like the 1940s-1950s pin up girls. They had real bodies, they were flirtatious, there was a touch of burlesque, and they were sexy. I like them all from Rita Hayworth to Betty Grable to my all time favorite bad girl Betty Page. I even like the modern adaptations of the pin up who is tattooed. Anyway, I got an email today about a local photographer who specializes in pin up photography. My first thought was I wish I could do that. Then the voices in my head said I couldn't... Sun, 5 Feb 2012 02:10:43 EST The voices in my head LIE I was on the treadmill yesterday and it was time to step up the running schedule by 30 seconds each cycle from 60 seconds to 90 seconds. I started looking at the list of time cycles and said I can do this. Then I got on the treadmill and started thinking ahead to the time I have to have come May and suddenly the voices in my head started lieing to me saying I can't do this, I can't run 90 seconds at a time, I won't be fast enough come May (I have to maintain speed to guarantee 4 hour finish... Wed, 1 Feb 2012 22:59:15 EST Keeping MY eyes on ME I have a friend who was recently bitten by the exercise bug. She is gung ho to get fit - well really skinny vs fit. I am listening to her talk about the big workouts she is doing and how far, fast, how much....and I am trying to be supportive. I have a bit of jealousy as I look at how I am doing fitness wise, weight wise, when I "look" at what she is doing versus where I am now. I had to tell myself to remember this is about me and not her. This is a person who has started lots of things... Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:17:05 EST Eight minutes of courage I was talking to an old friend the other day. It has been over 20 years since we lost touch with each other and we were doing the catch up game. I was telling him all the things I do including the fact that I do half marathons. As we were talking I said that I use the physical act of walking these half marathons as a physical manifestation of my stepping through the depression that is forever at my heels since Halleigh died. I have now completed 2 half marathons and am preparing for numbe... Sun, 22 Jan 2012 22:38:48 EST JUST and ONLY are 4-letter words For a long time I have thought my beauty was tied to the digits on the scale. If it was a low number I was good and pretty. If the number was high I was fat and ugly and not worthy of your attention. During the last several months as I have trained and completed two half marathons I have struggled with images of success outside what the metal box says. I know by all accounts I am still morbidly obese but how many people even half my size have done two half marathons. I am on the treadmil... Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:38:55 EST Scale be damned - I have succeeded! I recently read a pictured slogan that said "If you really want to do something you will find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." I really want to do half marathons. I don't care if I am always the last person to cross the line - this is about no one but me. It would be easy to say I don't have time to get my miles in working nights and being solo iwth the kids 75% of the time. It would be easy to quit when despite the miles on the treadmill the weight is not dropping. It would... Sun, 8 Jan 2012 00:51:20 EST No more apologies The other day I was going to the dentist (a new one for us). Dan had been to the dentist first (as his dental issues were more pressing) and he told me the hygienist is a marathon runner, her husband a tri-athlete and he had been talking to her about me getting ready for my half marathon (10-1-2011) at his last visit. So when I got to her chair she starts asking me about how I did and tells me how her son did his first half marathon about the same day and he finished in less than 2 hours (j... Sun, 16 Oct 2011 21:22:06 EST Slow mileage is better than no mileage It amazes me - I live in a state that has so many excellent colleges and universities in it and yet there seems to be a fundamental difference in what is meant by the word "flat." Where I went to school flat meant not having any rise to it. The dictionary I use says flat is level and parallel to the ground with no lumps or slopes. But somehow in the state of Washington flat means the polar opposite. This summer my sister and I did a local race that was billed as "flat" was listed on ... Tue, 4 Oct 2011 12:49:44 EST Somewhere between 5K and 10K is success I had every reason to NOT do the Dwight Dash 10K today. I have not been on the treadmill for a while due to traveling to CA and then coming home sick. It has been very hot. So on and so forth. But I went today. I had already signed up for the 10K and it was part of my training schedule for Run Like a Girl half marathon. I went to the race alone. I looked at all the skinny minnies and started to doubt myself. I knew I could do the distance and was not worried about the time (due to no ... Sat, 27 Aug 2011 18:37:08 EST Behind the mask of Someday is TODAY! For the longest time I used to hide behind someday. I would tell myself that someday I would be fit enough to do things like half marathons and marathons. I told myself that someday I would be one of those ladies you see in the park making the loops of the running/walking trails. I told myself that someday I would be fit enough to go to an athletic store and not worry what people thought about me. I told myself that someday I would look good enough to be in front of the camera lens instea... Wed, 17 Aug 2011 01:28:13 EST The world really is fat I mean flat Today was a local 8K (5 mile) race to benefit the Ronald McDonald House Charities. My sister showed me the sign up for the race as she thought it would be nice to do when she was up here visiting. Not only did she need to have the mileage in as her next half marathon is coming up soon but since I had stayed in a Ronald McDonald House in CA when Halleigh was in the hospital the last time before she died it was a way to give back a bit. It was billed as a "flat" course. We even went to a lo... Sat, 23 Jul 2011 16:17:52 EST Courage to win Mark Twain once said "Courage is the reistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." <BR> <BR> Today I started to face my fears and insecurities - today I signed up for the Spokane Indians Pennant 8K race without knowing whether or not my sister would be able to be there with me. I signed up for no one but me. I signed up with the concept of being dead last and letting anyone and everyone laugh. I signed up because I am determined to master my fear and start this. <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 15 Jul 2011 02:52:51 EST Self Doubt and Slow-speed chase I am preparing for my first half marathon on October 1. I told my sister the other day that I am starting to get nervous. I am not nervous about being able to finish the 13.1 miles. I am not worried about the time (this one has no time limit). I am nervous about people (yes strangers whom I will probably never see again) looking at me and prejudging whether or not I can do this. It is funny to me how there are some things I am not the least self conscious about - I have had my hair shave... Wed, 13 Jul 2011 18:32:21 EST This is my Ipod. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Full Metal Jacket has to be one of my husband's favorite movies. He watches it all the time when kiddos are not around and can pull quotes from it to fit nearly all situations in life. Last night I found my own FMJ fit. I finished my shift and went to get on the treadmill to do my workout and realized my ipod had a low battery. Big sigh. I was going to just turn on a movie and try to focus on that. My daughter, Kailien, offers her ipod. We have many similiar tastes in music and if noth... Tue, 12 Jul 2011 19:01:08 EST Airplane, The Usual Suspects and a Lust for Life At one point in my life as a young kid I remember telling my father that I wanted to run marathons. He told me that I was not built for marathons. That those that run long distance tend to be lean muscle people. I even remember him telling me about how the Russian's do muscle core biopsies of athletes and analyze the muscle to determine if they would be better for burst activities like speed track versus lean muscle activites like long distance running and rhythmic gymnastics. The message ... Sat, 2 Jul 2011 23:23:56 EST Exercising Mind, Heart, Soul and Body I know that SP is not just about weight loss though that is what many of us seem to focus on. I stil remember reading about SP when I first started that this was to be a lighting of the Spark within -mind, heart, soul and body. I have been with SP nearly 3 years now and each aspect has been touched on but lately I feel I am making progress on all fronts in a united and balanced mind. <BR> <BR> I have been exercising my body regularly preparing for Run Like a Girl half marathon 10/1. I am... Thu, 30 Jun 2011 01:59:08 EST Stomping down the old demons I started today with the old demons of doubt nipping at my heels. I have been working on getting ready for my first half marathon at Run Like A Girl on 10/1. When I first signed up I told my sister that if nothing else I know I can walk a 20 minute mile and at that pace I could finish my "run" in 4 hours 30 minutes. Then I got my treadmill and plotted my training pace. If I go with the idea of finishing in 4 hours 30 minutes --- I had enough time to start by walking 30 minutes each day an... Sun, 12 Jun 2011 16:16:09 EST Feeling HOT, HOT, HOT Water boils at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. For a long time I have been lingering in the 211 degree area. Hot enough to start to want to make the change but not quite tipping the scale to boil. There is a whole philosophy of why people stop at 211 in business and personal endeavors. SparkPeople even gives its purpose of igniting the spark in people and the idea of what this world would be like if we lived "ignited lives" so to speak. But what is that "thing" that starts the fire? Billy Joel ... Sat, 4 Jun 2011 23:24:16 EST Another serving of BLS please I love my husband. Let me tell you part of the reason why. I am determined to complete my Run Like A Girl half marathon Oct 1. I am determined to actually run the Tinkerbell half marathon in January. I will run my first full marathon in May 2012. I have not been able to get my walks in due to scheduuling/weather issues and the fact that in practical terms Dan is out of state 3 weeks out of nearly every month for work and I am solo with the kiddos (15 yrs, 4 yrs and now 10 months in ages)... Sun, 29 May 2011 01:49:27 EST Making a prison break I want to be healthy. I want to find the hours in each day to exercise for me. I want to be free of this body that limits my movement, that limits my life, that limits me, a prisoner in this body. I go in waves of doing really good, eating well, exercising, moving towards my goal and then life happens and I set it aside; sometimes with the idea that it is just a little break, that I would be right back in the thick of things again. But before I know it I have begun to pile the pounds back... Wed, 18 May 2011 02:18:41 EST The joy of socks I am taking steps to be a runner. I am determined to succeed in the races I have decided to participate in. Succeed for me is finishing in the time allotments. This is truely for no one but me. This is not to impress anyone, outshine anyone, one-up anyone ----- this is about me. For Mother's Day this year money is still tight as we are just starting to get the increased pay in Dan's new job but there are a lot of bills that need to be resolved I asked for something simple ---... Sun, 8 May 2011 14:35:12 EST The numbers don't lie The kids and I are adjusting to the pace of things when Dan is gone and how we try to make family things around school schedules and work schedules when he is home. We have already had a cycle of him coming home and going back to field. We talk on a daily basis. We are all learning on how to get things done in a different way. I also have found how easy it is to slip back into old habits. I find myself putting myself last in the list of things on every day to get finished. There is not ... Mon, 25 Apr 2011 03:45:13 EST I fought the blinds and the blinds won Dan has been gone for two days now and boy can I tell that I am used to having a super handy hubby. I made the decision that while he is gone I am going to try to do as much of the stuff he would handle so that it is not a huge list of catch up for him to do when he is home. I know that there are things I will not be able to do but there is a lot I can do. Anyway, of course as soon as he leaves the walnut trees that had been ordered for us arrive. So off to the barns I go trying to find t... Sat, 26 Mar 2011 22:34:10 EST I hate to admit I am human Tomorrow my husband leaves for his new job and won't be home for a month. His start date was moved up and we have been rushing between the jobs each of us currently have and the kids trying to get things done/prepared for his departure. I have had to come to some difficult decisions and admit that I am human. With being human there is a limit to what I can do in any 24 hours. <BR> <BR> I have had to decide to start simplifying my life. <BR> <BR> I had to admit that I just don't have th... Wed, 23 Mar 2011 13:28:16 EST Jump in and hold on tight The last couple of weeks has been a roller coaster ride to say the least. The family and I have been sharing the icky flu/cold/ick bug. It seems like we just about get through it when the next one seems to catch it. For the most part we are a pretty healthy family but this time around it has been kicking our tail ends. I think it might be just about done making the rounds through us or we are at least gaining some immunity on that round of bugs. <BR> <BR> Then there was Halleigh's birthd... Mon, 14 Mar 2011 15:44:10 EST Halleigh Stars are Shining After Halleigh died and Dan and I were trying to explain to then almost 3-yro Taegan what happened to her sister (she knows more than we gave her credit for at the time - but that is another story for another day). Taegan knew Halleigh was sick as we had her at the hospital with us. Anyway, we were back on our ranch and Dan was holding Taegan in his arms and pointed to the stars and said that Halleigh was up there in the stars with God. Several family members have taken to wearing stars w... Fri, 25 Feb 2011 13:11:49 EST Waiting to exhale Breathe in... <BR> <BR> If you had a chance to change your life would you do it? Change your body, change your economics, change the options for your family...would you? What if it required sacrifices of time and responsibility changes...would you? What if you couldn't tell anyone yet about what was happening in all aspects....would you? <BR> <BR> I feel like I am holding my breath right now and want to exhale - but can't. <BR> <BR> Breathe in.... <BR> <BR> I have so many changes going... Wed, 23 Feb 2011 11:39:40 EST I am Vector Maybe it is because I am 41 and now doing that "mid life" contemplation of what I have done in my life, what I am doing with my life and what I want to do with my life. I have been re-evaluating just about everything and trying to find that healthy balance that I have found to be ellusive on a long term basis over the course of my life. The healthy balance was not sustainable as I allowed many parts of my life to not be included as how could "that" have anything to do with "this" or gave it... Mon, 21 Feb 2011 02:46:52 EST Mighty, mighty Crissy Old patterns are hard to break. It is not a one time deal and it is over and done with, at least not for me. I have found it is a day in and day out repetition of change. Even after a long time it does not mean that it is all over with. The demon of the prior pattern can rear it's head once again and try to wobble the positive bubble of life I am current focused on. Sometimes it intrudes and throws the newer cycle off track. <BR> <BR> I have not been thrown off track lately, but I have ... Wed, 16 Feb 2011 04:21:05 EST On the bright side I am 6 feet tall I came home tonight from having dinner with some of the Spokane Sparkers (great dinner!) when I got news from my family that my grandmother is cancer free. We had been told that she stage IV cancer when it was thought to have spread from her colon to her liver. Well - the person who told us that it had spread to the liver was wrong. Once the cancer was excised from the colon it is gone. Unfortunately someone had told Grandma that she was terminal and she was starting a failure to thrive m... Fri, 4 Feb 2011 00:46:20 EST