LADYIRISH317's SparkPeople Blog LADYIRISH317's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Still here I'm still in the rehab center, pretty much stuck in bed. The TV here hasn't gotten Food Network for a week and a half. And I've had a beastly cold for over a week. Mostly I occupy myself with this borrowed iPad and my knitting. I've nearly finished my first shawl. I've found that with some of them, the yarn provided will leave enough over for socks! <BR> <BR> Yesterday I finally told my ex that I can't give him any more money. Since February I've given him almost $6,000. If he refuses to do... Mon, 15 Aug 2016 13:58:40 EST And on and on Yesterday they used a lift to put me into a wheelchair so I was able to leave my room for only the second time in almost three months. Unfortunately, I had "stomach issues" this morning and didn't want to risk any problems in public. <BR> <BR> I re entry bought kits for six shawls and/or scarves (I have to see how big some of them are to make a determination). Yes, it was crazy for me to buy them all at once. But besides the good feelings I get from knitting (which I need all of I can get), ... Wed, 3 Aug 2016 21:24:15 EST So... There seems to be some movement regarding therapy. The social worker met with me to discuss my activity levels before I got sick. He's composing a letter for the doctor to sign asking for one week of therapy (to start). If I can show them solid progress in that week, it's more likely they'll approve more therapy. <BR> , <BR> In the meantime, I did something seriously crazy. A company called Craftsy had a big sale , so I bought kits for one triangular scarf and four large lace shawls, either ... Sat, 16 Jul 2016 16:11:41 EST Saturday So far so good with the new roommate. <BR> <BR> Last night my best friend Sacha brought Indian food for dinner. OMG...tandoori chicken, naan, taste buds are still in Heaven. <BR> <BR> Meantime I'm watching Food Network and waiting as before. Sat, 2 Jul 2016 14:48:26 EST In a holding pattern Still waiting for Medicaid to loosen up and start paying for physical therapy so I can get walking again. <BR> <BR> Meantime, the roommate from (Hades) has returned, but she's in the room next to mine . I'll probably hear her screeching tonight. I'm getting a new roommate this afternoon. Hopefully she'll have a (relatively) sunny disposition. <BR> <BR> And so it goes... Fri, 1 Jul 2016 15:17:42 EST Sigh of relief... In the middle of the night last night my roommate demanded yet again to be taken to the hospital, so the ambulance came for her. I can't fully relax yet because they're saying they don't know if she's coming back or not, although given that she insulted the entire staff and threatened to sue several times I doubt it. However, for the moment I'm just enjoying not being peppered with intrusive personal questions, having insults screamed at me, or having to listen to nonstop, unfiltered bigotry... Sun, 26 Jun 2016 13:56:36 EST Okay, well... My Medicaid is still stalling, but it occurs to me there may be an up-side. The social worker here is looking for housing possibilities for me. The delay may give him more time. <BR> <BR> I've barely slept in a week thanks to my roommate. Last night she screamed insults at me. Today she's acting like nothing happened. She says she's leaving Monday, but I'm not waiting. I've asked for a different room. We'll see what happens. <BR> <BR> So right now I have headphones on, watching Kids BBQ Coo... Sat, 25 Jun 2016 13:43:14 EST Roadblocked My physical therapy is on hold again. Last time it was for a week due to a problem with my Medicaid. Nobody's telling me what's going on despite repeated requests. I don't know how I'm supposed to progress without therapy. Meantime, I have a new roommate. She hates Mexicans, Chinese and Irish (!). She also. Constantly wants to talk on and on, even in the middle of the night whe I've told her I'm trying to sleep. Maybe I'm bad, but I'm praying she decides she hates me and asks for a different ... Sun, 19 Jun 2016 16:12:04 EST Oh, phooey... (Side note: thanks to my social worker Eric for helping me with this IPad!) <BR> <BR> Now the "phooey" part: I just found out that my favorite show, Chopped, recently filmed in Napa, not far from me And just to frost the proverbial cake, my heart-throb, Chef Marc Murphy, was one of the judges. <BR> <BR> No that I could get there, but DRAT anyway!!! Fri, 17 Jun 2016 16:26:44 EST I haven't died I haven't had access to a computer since February. I was hospitalized the first week in April for cellulitis in my right leg. I was there for five weeks, and now I'm in a rehab facility learning to walk again. Before the hospital I stayed at my ex's apartment briefly. But he's a hoarder, and conditions there are too dangerous for me. There's a social worker here I'm working with, and apparently there are a lot of options I didn't know about. I don't know what happens next, but at least I don'... Fri, 17 Jun 2016 13:19:40 EST Quickly... Just a quick update. I move to my friend's place Friday morning. Monday I meet with a legal services office for the disabled in Santa Rosa who may be able to help me get a voucher to help pay my rent (when I have rent to pay). And this morning the owners of the Cloverdale apartment called ME to schedule a face-to-face appeal for Wednesday morning! So things are moving. I just hope they keep moving in the right direction. <BR> Wed, 17 Feb 2016 15:18:07 EST Finally some good news Okay, lots to report. I have to leave the shelter on Friday morning since I've been there for six months. A friend is allowing me to stay with him until I find an apartment. This is a huge relief, because the alternative was giving at least a grand a half to a crime-ridden, fleabag motel. AND I'll have access to a TV and a kitchen again, as well as morning coffee every day! Oh, and I'll be moving my computer to my friend's house, so I'll be able to return to Spark full-time again! <BR> <BR> ... Sun, 14 Feb 2016 17:44:43 EST And on it goes Trying to gather all the necessary documentation for my transitional housing application. Geeze, I wish I'd known at the time that all those "you're on the waiting list" letters would be needed for documentation! And some time this coming week I'm talking to someone in the Fair Housing office about possible discrimination issues. Unless, of course, my number comes up at the courthouse (jury duty roulette). I'm tired. I feel like I'm frozen in molasses and unable to move. <BR> <BR> <BR> The ... Sat, 23 Jan 2016 17:38:52 EST And still more The craziness continues. My old landlord is down to one one-bedroom apartment and wants $1,700 a month for it. Yeah, THAT'S gonna happen. I'm not even going to bother talking to them. <BR> <BR> <BR> Transitional housing is terminating at the end of the year (HUD is taking it over to be veterans-only housing), but I'm going to apply anyway. It'll at least buy me some time. I'm getting more scared by the minute. <BR> <BR> Dusty asked me a few questions. Do I get Section 8? I've applied for i... Sat, 16 Jan 2016 16:14:43 EST Good grief... <BR> As the protagonist on the TV show Fringe once said, "Isn't there a point where it just can't get any weirder?" <BR> <BR> I am so tired and beaten down, I can barely move. Next week I'm going to go crawling to my old complex and beg them to take me back. They're hard up for tenants, so it's a possibility. Nothing else has worked. If that doesn't work, I'm up the proverbial creek. I have only five weeks left at the shelter with nothing else in sight. <BR> <BR> At the end of December I w... Wed, 13 Jan 2016 15:34:01 EST Post-holiday update I hope everyone had a terrific Christmas. <BR> <BR> Mine was -- well, you know. I had so hoped to have a new home by now. Tomorrow I'm driving to Sacramento again to talk to two more apartment buildings. I'm beginning to wonder if ANYBODY is going to rent to me. <BR> <BR> There's one woman in the shelter with me who wants me to be one of her roommates. You read that right. First she asked me to share a one-bedroom apartment with her, one other woman and a German Shepherd! She said I could h... Mon, 28 Dec 2015 15:24:11 EST Not ideal, but... Okay, a couple of possible options. I could be placed in "transitional housing" if nothing shakes loose in a few weeks. Basically, I'd have a room in a shared house. Not ideal, but I'd be out of the shelter, and I'd have my computer, TV and access to a kitchen (Four months since I've cooked anything -- believe it or not, that makes me cry). <BR> <BR> The other option? The Powerball lottery jackpot is $164m, and the Mega Millions jackpot is $66 million. Yes, I bought tickets (hey, somebody's ... Fri, 11 Dec 2015 18:49:47 EST So now I'm untouchable It turns out that I have an eviction on my record, even though I left before the Sheriff could lock me out. So now NOBODY wants to rent to me, even though I tell them I will gladly pay an extra large deposit. I am not exaggerating, there are people in the shelter with prison records who are having an easier time than I am. At the Monday morning meeting, one man said, "I've been homeless for ten years." I just froze solid at that. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I looked at an apartment in Sacramento. It... Wed, 9 Dec 2015 15:35:01 EST Still stuck I'm still at the shelter, still looking for a home. Saturday morning we were hauled out of bed literally at dawn and told that we all had 24 hours to drug test and that if we didn't, we'd be marked as a failed test and suspended (read: sleep in the street for a few days). Boy, nothing I love more than being greeted in the morning with threats and ultimatums. (BTW, I passed. If they'd tested for coffee I would have been in trouble.) <BR> <BR> Apartment hunting is a lot crazier than it used t... Mon, 23 Nov 2015 14:47:58 EST HUGE dilemma Affordable housing here in Sonoma County practically doesn't exist. The cheapest I've been able to find is a $1,100 one-bedroom in a questionable neighborhood in Santa Rosa. However, I've lived in this county for 17 years and know it well. <BR> <BR> If I'm willing to move about an hour away to Sacramento, I'll be able to get a two bedroom for about $900, or a one bedroom for about $750 WITH ALL UTILITES INCLUDED. Sacramento is our state capital, and has many amenities. But my only two face-t... Fri, 6 Nov 2015 14:29:59 EST Slow learner I've learned that I have to limit my ex to just one call per week. He was hospitalized for a leg injury earlier this week (he's home now). Well, when I call to check on him, he tells me how he's relaxing in his recliner, watching TV and enjoying a meal he cooked for himself (he hates to cook). He knows perfectly well he's twisting the shiv just a little harder each time. He also likes to preach to me about how good I supposedly have it! When I reminded him he's never been in this situation, h... Sun, 1 Nov 2015 16:08:04 EST Why not the library? Well, I can't use my own computer because right now it's packed away with my furniture. I have no place to put it in the shelter. And at least here in Sonoma County, the computers at the library are EXTREMELY limited in what you can and can't do on them. I can't get to most housing sites from them, for instance. Everywhere I turn there's another broken brick in the path. Sat, 31 Oct 2015 14:04:44 EST Tired and befuddled. I can't even compose a coherent blog post right now. Besides, I'm on a computer that charges $20 per hour to use, so I can't stay on much longer. Sat, 31 Oct 2015 13:41:05 EST Does it ever end? Still searching for a home. I feel like an ungrateful clod for this, but I HATE living in the shelter. At my age I should be able to choose my mealtimes, NOT have neighbors constantly poking in my business, and I absolutely should not have a bedtime! (Lights Out is at 10PM). I miss my recliner and my TV. I miss my kitchen. I miss baking my own bread. My case manager and my friends tell me I'm closer than I think. I sure hope so. I feel like I'm being punished for something. I want to go home.... Fri, 23 Oct 2015 14:45:32 EST However it may appear... I have NOT died. It's just extremely difficult for me to get computer access here in the shelter. I'm trying hard to find a new home and hope to be back full-time before Christmas. Tue, 6 Oct 2015 22:51:44 EST Lost at sea I lost my apartment on Sunday. Nobody was able to help me get the amount of money they demanded, so I left on Sunday so I wouldn't have an eviction on my record. My friend Sacha got me a motel room for Sunday and Monday, and today the shelter had a bed for me. And best of all, they gave me a hospital bed instead of one of the bunks. I should be able to sleep a lot easier. My friends Sacha and Paolo have my belongings in storage, so at least I didn't lose the most important things. I did lose ... Tue, 18 Aug 2015 23:21:45 EST More developments Tomorrow my social worker is coming over, and she said her office is paying for some groceries for me. On Thursday I'm meeting with a case worker for the organization that may help me with my rent, getting Meals On Wheels and other services. And there's an organization that owns and manages affordable housing complexes here in Sonoma County. They have an adorable senior complex a few miles away that is within an easy walk of stores and restaurants. My lease here ends in September, so there's ... Tue, 4 Aug 2015 17:38:12 EST Plodding along Trying to keep moving when I feel totally inert. Today I got the pots and mixing bowls washed and the dishwasher emptied. Right now I'm trying to get the dirty dishes into the dishwasher. <BR> <BR> The batch of meatballs I intended to make became a huge meatloaf, half of which is in the freezer. In a little bit I'm baking another batch of bread. Baking my own bread has become VERY important to me. I'm out of whole wheat flour, so I'm trying Julia Child's white bread recipe. For a two-loaf ba... Sat, 1 Aug 2015 19:41:45 EST Floating Still floating, waiting for things to develop. Dealing with government offices takes a LOT of patience. <BR> <BR> Of the first two batches of bread I baked, I have half of each to friends. Tomorrow I'm making spaghetti sauce with a mega-batch of meatballs to freeze for later. My knee-jerk first thought was to give each of the same two friends a container of meatballs. Both are working, and I'm waiting on my SNAP application. I probably need to keep the food for myself. But I feel like a chea... Mon, 27 Jul 2015 19:49:34 EST Update I know I've been MIA for a long time, but a lot is going on, and most of it is good. <BR> <BR> On Tuesday one of the women from the rental office came to me and said that her manager said, "we need to talk to her, this isn't like her not to pay." And the RENTAL MANAGER HERSELF gave me the name and phone number of a social services agency that might cover my rent for this month! I go to see them tomorrow afternoon after therapy. <BR> <BR> Meantime, on Thursday I met with a medical social wor... Sun, 19 Jul 2015 17:15:33 EST Hitting the bottom My disability payments this month weren't nearly enough to cover this month's rent and I have no hope of coming up with it, so I'm almost certainly going to be evicted. I'm terrified -- I'm 62 and disabled. Today I washed all the dishes and made a large pot of hard-boiled eggs. Tomorrow I'm baking bread. I have no idea why. I don't know how much of a future I have. Fri, 10 Jul 2015 22:34:29 EST Bleary Monday Yesterday was a mess. Fathers' Day is always hard for me. I had a horrible relationship with my father, so it's always emotional. Also, yesterday would have been my 40th wedding anniversary. We've been separated for twenty-four years. It was definitely not supposed to turn out this way. <BR> <BR> Still trying to regroup from being sick. Yuck. Mon, 22 Jun 2015 12:18:27 EST (Almost) back to life It's been an extremely rough several days. I have to be brutally honest -- Thursday night I was so miserable I gave thought to just swallowing all of my meds and get it over with. I thought, "I don't want to live like this." Then I guess the Irish kicked in, because I thought, "No, I f*****g DON'T want to live like this" and put the bottles back. I had eaten extremely little and drunk nothing since Wednesday, trying not to need the bathroom. Of course, that raises the conundrum that I may n... Sat, 20 Jun 2015 16:40:05 EST Scared stiff Since I got home from the facility I'm scared to death. Yesterday I used the bathroom and couldn't get off the toilet. I had to shout for two hours to be helped. I can't sleep, I can't get in or out of the shower and I have to stand over the toilet when I can get there in time. I don't know what is happening to me. Fri, 19 Jun 2015 00:28:52 EST Scared stiff Since I got home from the facility I'm scared to death. Yesterday I used the bathroom and couldn't get off the toilet. I had to shout for two hours to be helped. I can't sleep, I can't get in or out of the shower and I have to stand over the toilet when I can get there in time. I don't know what is happening to me. Fri, 19 Jun 2015 00:28:52 EST Have you missed me? Day ten here. I'm getting the boot next Tuesday morning, so apparently they think I'm sane. Little do they know. <BR> <BR> I'm on three different meds (Zoloft, Gavapentin and Trazadone). They appear to be working very well. My old therapist Arthur totally opposed medication. I thought the world of Arthur but he was dead-bang wrong on this. I should have been on meds years ago. <BR> <BR> One thing I have to say -- the food here is SPECTACULAR. This morning I had the best breakfast I've had i... Thu, 11 Jun 2015 20:19:54 EST Update and other stuff I talked to the facility yesterday, and they say it will be one to two weeks. I thought it was cute that they made a special point of telling me the food is very good! <BR> <BR> Yesterday my friend Paolo bought me a new coffeemaker, so I'm enjoying my first cup of home brewed coffee in over a week. I know it's a small thing, but in my present circumstance the small things matter a LOT. Also, my ex said he'd cover my rent, so I don't have to worry about that for another month. Hopefully by th... Sat, 30 May 2015 15:31:15 EST So you know Letting everybody know that next week I'm going to be going into a residential treatment facility for about a week. Please don't panic when you don't hear from me. I should be back week after next. <BR> Fri, 29 May 2015 17:52:33 EST Even more I may or may not have next month's rent. That aside, I barely have $500 for food, gas, phone, cable and electric. And now my coffee maker has broken and I can't afford a new one, so I can't even enjoy a hot cup of coffee. <BR> <BR> I have had no sleep since yesterday and I'm in a very bad mood. <BR> Sat, 23 May 2015 18:40:23 EST The ongoing story The leader of my therapy group said two things about me yesterday. I talked about how I feel weird making an elaborate crocheted lace project that isn't going to be a gift for anyone else. She said I need to consider this part of my therapy, to learn to enjoy doing for myself. <BR> <BR> She also said I need to find some outside social activities, like a knitting or cooking club. I'm looking for them right now. <BR> <BR> She also blew me away by saying that I'm intelligent, funny, and enjoya... Thu, 21 May 2015 16:06:20 EST Scared I couldn't make myself leave the house today, even for therapy. Filled with fear and anxiety. Fri, 8 May 2015 15:26:14 EST Wobbly No therapy on Thursdays. I'm feeling tired and wobbly today. <BR> <BR> I'm making a rule that I have to eat at least two meals a day, and one of them has to be hot. Right now there's a pot roast in the crock pot with potatoes and carrots. I seriously miss my wine, but I'm going through limeade like it's about to be outlawed. I know I should be thinking more about calories and such, but right now it's an accomplishment just to make a meal. <BR> <BR> My head feels like it's being squeezed. I'... Thu, 7 May 2015 15:59:38 EST Where am I? I feel like I'm turning to stone. A couple of times I've gone a day or two without eating or drinking anything. It's hard to make myself do anything. I'm in therapy and I've started on meds (though they take time to work), but I feel like I'm lost in the dark somewhere. <BR> <BR> Getting hassle still from work, but too bad. I spend every day in a blank fog. They loved to tell me how unsatisfactory I am anyway. <BR> <BR> I miss my wine! The nerve ends are jangling, and I miss the symbolic as... Mon, 4 May 2015 22:01:36 EST The black day and the twenty hour night Tuesday night was a horror story. I was closer to self-destruction than ever before. I kept having the recurring thought, what are you waiting for? So I decided that the next morning I would go to the Kaiser ER in Santa Rosa. However, late that evening while walking to the bathroom I tangled up with my walker and fell. I was able to get to my cell phone, called 911 and asked them to take me to the ER. <BR> <BR> I got to the ER at midnight but it was so busy that I didn't see a doctor until 6... Sat, 18 Apr 2015 00:05:23 EST It continues The psych appointment needs to be rescheduled. In limbo right now. Fri, 10 Apr 2015 14:32:00 EST I don't know The appointment with my MD didn't go well. She pretty clearly thinks I just want to get out of work. I hope I have better luck with the psychiatrist on Friday. Wed, 8 Apr 2015 23:36:09 EST Going to the doctor tomorrow I've had a sore throat and intermittent cough for two months now. I'm having other physical symptoms I won't discuss here that scare me. And mentally and emotionally I'm barely holding it together. I'll admit to having had some self-destructive thoughts. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I'm going to the doctor to ask about disability. I don't think that, for now at least, I'm in any shape to deal with the stress on my job. Sun, 5 Apr 2015 22:46:42 EST Home sick -- boo I have a bad sore throat today. I'm also coming off of a particularly brutal work week. <BR> <BR> Monday and Tuesday I had huge amounts of payments to post because Tuesday was month-end. Then on Wednesday I had to catch up the huge volumes of correspondence that had arrived. When I tried to get payments posted yesterday the boss told me to drop them and do another task. I know that sooner or later I'm going to be asked why the payments aren't done. <BR> <BR> I'm sick and tired of feeling si... Fri, 3 Apr 2015 13:48:26 EST This morning This morning I decided to go out to breakfast. Yes, I have plenty of food in the house, but I decided to go out anyway. Funny, but all the way down the walkway to my car I felt this huge pressing sensation, like I was doing something wrong and NEEDED to turn back. But I did go out, to a restaurant near me. <BR> <BR> The food was good, but the service definitely left something to be desired. When I and a few customers all walked in, the hostess turned and left the stand instead of seating us.... Sun, 29 Mar 2015 22:33:26 EST On a treadmill While my boss is on vacation, HER boss has been badgering us every few minutes. Why isn't this done? What's happening with that? Why? How? When? we're all on eggshells. I've been working like crazy trying to get a little ahead and I can't even keep up. <BR> <BR> When I get home, all I can think about is ordering a pizza or driving through the drive-through. I have so much food in this house, I look like a food hoarder. I can barely close the freezer and I can't get all the cans and bottles i... Wed, 25 Mar 2015 22:50:44 EST