KRHODES05's SparkPeople Blog KRHODES05's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community new job So I'm starting a new job on Sept 9th. I really didn't think this whole process would go so quickly. I really only decided to apply for a new job a couple of weeks ago. I was sitting at my current job and just came to the realization that why was I sitting there working at a job where the pay wasn't wonderful doing a job that wasn't pertaining to my degree. So I decided to apply for a position with a mental health organization here. I applied last wednesday, they called me thursday, interview... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 19:34:05 EST Recovery is a healthy state not a healthy weight This need to be my mantra. Sometimes i catch myself getting so obsessed with the number on the scale that i have to put it up for awhile. That's what i've done the last few weeks and then finally hopped back on this morning to check in on my progress. The funny thing is that when i take away the scale i'm still so compulsive about other things. I'll obsess about my size and shape of my body instead of the number. It is all so negative and I have to pull my mind out of those diseased thoughts.... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 19:54:40 EST So funny So i'm getting these emails now from my favorite plus size stores. I got one from Lane Bryant this morning that says " We miss you Krysten. Come back" It then precedes to say that they've noticed I haven't shopped with them lately and offered me 40% off my next purchase. I didn't realize the humor in the email until a second ago. My former self is calling to me. Last time I was in there I realized how much vanity sizing they do. I'm in a size 16 in most places and a size 18 in some other plac... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 14:00:17 EST An amazing list So in the spirit of celebrating how far i've come since december I just thought i'd make a list of all the things that have changed/gotten better since then. <BR> MEDICAL: <BR> -I've lost over 70 pounds <BR> -My blood pressure went from being really high (think 180 over 150 range) to normal. My last reading was 117/68 <BR> -My cholesterol is better. I honestly have no clue the exact number at the beginning but I gave blood last week and my cholesterol was 220 without fasting beforehand. I ... Tue, 9 Jul 2013 14:41:19 EST When did i get healthy enough to say no? I had been stuck in a plateau for so long that I kind of forgot to look at how far i've come since December. I'm finally moving down the scale again and i'm now under 250 pounds. That in and of itself is a collosal victory/ mindf*#$. I've lost over 70 pounds. I literally cannot wrap my mind around it. <BR> <BR> The most important thing is that when i was stuck in this plateau i didn't give up. I was still in the gym atleast 5 days a week, and i was still doing pretty good with my food. I k... Mon, 8 Jul 2013 18:45:54 EST So I guess you're telling me to plan? I'm having one of those weeks where everything just clicks together. I had breakfast this morning with this friend from church. We meet every week to just basically talk about how our weeks are going and discuss what we are doing to increase our piety, study, and action in our faith. Historically i'm not a very spiritual person. I went 6 or 7 years without going to church. However, coming into the overeaters anonymous program has reintroduced me to my HP(higher power). Anyways at our breakfas... Fri, 5 Jul 2013 13:56:42 EST I can almost see my belly button So i've been joking for awhile that in a few more months I'll be able to see my belly button. Well i wore a semi-fitted workout shirt to my workout this morning and as I was looking in the mirror i realized that I'm ALMOST there. I've been overweight my whole life so this is totally exciting. I can vividly remember having my appendix removed in 7th grade and not being able to look at the scar left across my belly button. At 5'9 and 255 i'm no longer considered morbidly obese. My BMI 0f 37 i... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 18:48:27 EST getting better all the time I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting this past week. I realized that I had/have a lot of issues with self-loathing.....That was a huge revelation because i've never been the type to just outwardly complain about my appearance or my situation. What I did was keep it secret and eat over it. I project a confident image and just hope and pray that everyone believes it. I realized this because i've lost over 60 pounds and atleast 4 days I week i struggle to see a difference. Logically I know m... Thu, 23 May 2013 17:41:05 EST Finally have internet back I haven't been able to update and blog on sparkpeople for a long time because i lost access to the site when they blocked it at work ( not that i blame them) lol. However, even with me not tracking food and workouts on here i've still been journaling them and have continued to lose weight. I'm down about 60 pounds now. So yay for being back. Fri, 17 May 2013 12:03:37 EST How to treat bad body image Everyone go to http://internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr<BR>.com/post/26458379054 right now lol. That is the source for this amazing advice. If you can't I went ahead and posted it in my blog because i need to read this everyday. It's a game changer. <BR> <BR> <BR> HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF DURING A BAD BODY IMAGE DAY: <BR> <BR> 1. Recognize that fat isn’t a feeling. <BR> <BR> There are always underlying emotions that we attach to feeling fat. When the “I feel fat” thoughts start up,... Thu, 4 Apr 2013 11:29:16 EST I finally did it I broke through 280 y'all. My weight loss slowed to a standstill for like a month. I kept losing and gaining the same pound. Then all of a sudden i stepped on the scale and i'm down to 278. It feels so good that i just kept going. I haven't been on sparkpeople much because my computer has died. I really can't use my work computer much but i wanted to share this awesome milestone with yall. I'm officially at my lowest adult weight. It is all gravy from here. Sat, 30 Mar 2013 11:35:49 EST Daylight savings time is evil I'd just like to establish that i'm not loving daylight savings time right now. The older i get the longer it take me to bounce back from the time changes. I'm having a difficult time waking up in the morning this week. The sun isn't up and my body does not want to get moving. However, i've been dragging myself out of bed every morning with the exception of yesterday. This morning i looked rough at the my hair in the back was all messed up from where i had been laying on it lmao. Ma... Thu, 14 Mar 2013 14:06:42 EST Getting outdoors So it was super cold in Texas this morning when I decided to go outside. I got up early around 6 and went to the park to do my second day of couch to 5k. I still struggled with the program but did not cheat or give up on myself. It was actually nice to be outside. Everyone asks me why i don't just "run" at the gym when it is cold, but for some weird reason i feel like running should occur outdoors. I'll be going on a retreat this weekend so my exercise will basically be cut out. I'm planning ... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 16:23:15 EST Wearing someone else's clothes This morning I met with my personal trainer to work out. Today is technically our off the record day where we just work out together instead of him training me. We were doing some curls and he was like "you look like you are wearing someone else's clothes." What he meant was that my workout clothes are hanging off of me. However, sometimes i do feel like i'm in someone elses clothes. I'm in such a different place both mentally and physically. I know i can lose the weight this time. More impor... Wed, 6 Mar 2013 11:31:36 EST Working on the weekend I have to work today which sucks but it means I have a day off next week. So i decided since i'd have access to a computer to go ahead and get my weekly weigh in posted for BLC 17. I stepped on the scale this morning and was so excited to see the number 280.0. However, my scale must have gotten the evilness from Tara and Lindsay's scale because I stepped on it another time and got a different number. I got the same number of 282 twice so that is what i used for my weigh in amount. Then i got ... Sat, 2 Mar 2013 12:22:46 EST TGIF So i've been sick with strep throat all week. I've been coughing and sneezing since monday, but by wednesday it was just so bad. So I went to the doctor on my lunch break on wednesday. He gave me a shot and ordered me to stay home the rest of the day and on thursday. I'm a very bad patient lol i'm constantly wanting to go do something. The doctor said rest and don't do anything. I told my boyfriend and his response was "easy for him to say hard for you to do" lol. I think it's honestly why i ... Fri, 1 Mar 2013 13:32:22 EST Self-Sabotage As most people who read this know I attend OA meetings a couple times a week. I cannot tell you how valuable these have been to me. I've discovered that for me getting healthier is so much easier when i'm talking to other people about it. I don't believe it is the only way to lose weight, but I do believe it has been placed on my particular path. Every time I go I learn something about myself. Sometimes i'm so suprised at the honesty that comes out of my mouth at those meetings. It's like I d... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 12:28:12 EST Sugar addict One of the challenges in the Biggest loser challenge is to cut out sugar or talk about how you laready have cut out sugar. I am a huge sugar addict. I love anything and everything sweet and can't stop eating it. That is why a huge part of my recovery from my disorder is cutting it out. I've been mostly sweets free since December. I don't drink anything but water. So that's no sodas of any kind diet or otherwise. I've also tried to cut out processed foods because of the hidden sugars in there... Fri, 22 Feb 2013 12:30:05 EST Start of the 101 Things in 1000 days 1Cook a Julia Child recipe <BR> 2 Run a 5K race <BR> 3 Be able to do 10 pull-ups <BR> 4 Complete a 100 Pushups Challenge <BR> 5 Run a mile <BR> 6 Buy a piece of art <BR> 7 Read a book in one day <BR> 8 Tube down a river <BR> 9 Feel comfortable in a swimsuit <BR> 10 Try out Thai food <BR> 11 Don't complain about anything for a week <BR> 12 Watch 26 movies I've never seen starting with each letter of the Alphabet <BR> 13 Buy a car <BR> 14 Read 100 books <BR> 15 Clean out my closet ... Wed, 20 Feb 2013 16:24:10 EST The coat So I have this coat that is kind of symbolic to me. When I lost my weight in Virginia and got down to my lowest adult weight I had this really pretty coat that I was barely fitting into. However, I was so proud of myself when I wore it. I have a very specific memory of wearing it when I picked my parents up at the airport in Charlotte and they told me how wonderful I looked. Well needless to say the coat has been just hanging in my closet since then. I hadn't even really thought about it much... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:37:49 EST Listened to but not heard So last night I went over to my parent's house after work to have a talk with my mom about what happened on my birthday. Now my mom and I are very close and when I walked into the doors she burst into tears. I wish I could be strong and ask the things I needed to ask her about what happened. However, i can't stand for others to be in pain so I found myself in the old familiar role of comforting someone else. I told her it was ok and we talked about it a little bit. She swears she didn't hear ... Sat, 16 Feb 2013 17:05:19 EST Remember to love yourself Motivation: Blog about 10 things you like about yourself in at least 2 different blogs this week. <BR> <BR> <BR> I participate in one of the biggest loser challenges on sparkpeople and part of the challenge this week was to do the above challenge. I figure Valentine's day is as good a day as any to show yourself a little self-love. <BR> <BR> 1. I like my sense of humor. Sometimes i get serious during my blogs because they are an outlet for me. However, i love to laugh and was voted funnies... Thu, 14 Feb 2013 14:19:27 EST don't know what to call this one So overall I had such a wonderful birthday yesterday. The people at work decorated my work area, had a wonderful lunch with my sister and sister-in law and had a good dinner with my family. However, I temporarily let one thing ruin my day until i took the time to put it in perspective. I've been telling my mother for months that i absolutely do not want cake and ice cream for my birthday. I've been diagnosed with compulsive overeating by a therapist and sugar is a major trigger for me. I've a... Wed, 13 Feb 2013 11:32:12 EST They say it's your birthday ( da na na na na na) Today is my 26th birthday and I definitely have mixed emotions about it. lol I'm sad to be officially closer to 30 than I am to 20. However, today is a day of such joy that i can't help but be amazed at the life that i've been given. The blog title is from the birthday song that my dad used to play us when he woke us up on our birthdays. It is a beatles song and it would blast through the house while he went to go get us out of bed. That is one of my favorite birthday memories. Imagine my sup... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 09:28:22 EST making it a good week Weekends are so hard for me to stay on track with my eating. That is a lot of time to fill and i'm often so tempted to eat things off my plan. Saturday my eating was spot on. Sunday was a day of horrible food choices. I didn't work out yesterday either and I just felt awful by last night. This morning i peeled myself out of bed and went to the gym. I got all my cardio in and then came home and cooked myself something to take for lunch. I'm shaking off my food choices of yesterday and have a p... Mon, 11 Feb 2013 13:41:41 EST Week 3 Challenges and WUB Sorry this is so rushed but i typically don't have access to a computer on the weekends. I did manage to do the challenges this week. for my vegetable I chose brussel sprouts. I cooked them in the oven with salt, pepper, and olive oil on them. I still didn't really like them lol I have a hard time finding a lot of veggies that appeal to me. For my fresh fruit I used a jicama that i found in the produce department. It was supposed to taste like an apple or something but it was pretty nasty. lo... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 13:21:21 EST H.O.P.E. I had this whole blog typed out but then my internet connection crashed and deleted this whole thing. So it will not be near as long or eloquent as the last one (maybe that's good) <BR> <BR> I'm pretty sure i've blogged about it before but it is definitely bothering me today. Since i'm not eating over my emotions anymore my emotions are so much more intense right now. That is both a blessing and a curse. I had a huge disappointment at work this morning involving not getting a day off for an ... Thu, 7 Feb 2013 13:28:02 EST Speaking my truth Hey guys....I guess i'll get a headstart and go ahead and post my story blog from the challenges this week. I'm a blogging machine this week :) <BR> <BR> I've had to do a couple of these self-reflections lately for different purposes. So I guess i've already been thinking about my history with food and weight loss. I have been overweight my entire life. Like literally I have no conscious memory of being the same size as my peers. I didn't start out huge but I was bigger than the other littl... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 14:48:43 EST No caffeine for you.... So i'ts been like an amazing couple of months without headaches. I cut out a lot of processed crap including any caffeine, and i have felt awesome. A friend of mine invited me out to coffee this morning since she is leaving for Indonesia for a few months. So of course I went and didn't think anything of getting a coffee. I was never a huge drinker of coffee but i did not anticipate what it would do to me once I cut out caffeine completely. I have a HELLACIOUS headache. I got like halfway thr... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 13:25:55 EST Size 18?!?! <img src="">Alright y'all i'm so excited and I just can't hide it (think Jessie Spano from Saved by the Bell). This morning I reached into my closet and pulled out a size 18 dress pant from Old Navy. They totally fit. In my excitement I pulled out some other size 18 pants (some from old navy and some from other places) and a couple fit but most of them didn't. That did not curb my excitement lol. So you can bet that i'm wearing my size 18... Tue, 5 Feb 2013 11:34:15 EST Little by slowly Little by slowly is my new favorite phrase. It has officially made it up on the bathroom mirror for the week. It means that i don't need to have crazy diet plans or crazy exercise plans. The best progress is a little at a time and slowly. As long as i'm doing better than I was last week in some small way i'm still on my path. <BR> <BR> Last week my eating was not perfect. I really sabotaged myself on saturday. Saturday morning i went and did cardio for an hour. I burned like 600 calories an... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 11:23:16 EST WUB Week 2 (apparently it didn't post like i thought it did yesterday) So my goals this past week were to keep on my meal plan, get in my cardio, and tell myself something positive about myself every day. <BR> <BR> I definitely met my cardio goal plus some, and i did focus on telling myself positive things every day. Now my eating definitely wasn't as good as it could have been. As Meatloaf says two out of three ain't bad. <BR> <BR> My goals for the next week will be to clean my eating up this week, keep up my cardio, and reach out to one person each day for ... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 11:08:10 EST Thinking about the whole picture I get really caught up in the fantasy of " If I could just lose the weight everything would fall into place". It has been a fantasy I've lived in my whole life. In my mind all of a sudden i'll be a super wealthy supermodel who never had to work for anything and whose life went perfectly. The reality is that when I meet my goal i'll still be me. I'll still worry about the amount due on my student loans, I'll still have to work hard to get what I want. I'll still be a little confused about what... Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:56:21 EST Wednesday Musings So I went to my OA meeting this morning and my sponsor was there. I've been sick and she has been out of town so it was really good to see her. I told her I need some extra accountability for the next little while. So we agreed that I would text her my food i've eaten every single day. I think that will really help me. Over the years i have found myself being very secretive and deceitful about my food. I would eat fast food on my way home and then eat another dinner at home. Another example ... Wed, 30 Jan 2013 12:45:08 EST Nutrition is cray cray Does anyone else get frustrated with the sheer amount of conflicting information about nutrition out there? I'm very analytical and I always want to know that i'm eating well. However, you can look on 5 different websites and get 5 different answers on whether or not to eat carbs, what fats are healthy for you, how many calories should you be eating. I know my basal metabolic rate and when i'm counting my calories there is no way i'm getting close to touching that number. It is no wonder th... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 13:56:32 EST Allowing myself to "think skinny" I've been overweight my whole life and the idea of being at a healthy weight is so foreign to me. Today's QOTD about what you like most about your current body really got me thinking. Even though I do struggle with self-esteem issues and self-worth issues I do see good things about myself and my body. I do like my body shape. I would say I have an hourglass figure because i have large breasts and a shapely butt. It is definitely covered in some jelly rolls and jiggly bits, but I still like my... Mon, 28 Jan 2013 13:56:02 EST Phenomenal Women! Hey all. I've been away from the computer because of illness. I caught the flu on Thursday and i'm just now starting to feel better. I literally have been derailed by illness twice over the past couple of weeks. So i learned a lesson and i'm trying to let my body rest and completely heal before i exert myself anymore. I was feeling pretty low about myself on Thursday because i was achy and just sat around in sweatpants and did not even care how i looked. So i thought of a poem that always mak... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:29:39 EST WUB Week 1 Um so i'm not sure exactly how these work but I think it's too set a goal for the upcoming week. My goals for the upcoming week are to stay on my meal plan and eliminate sugar and bread. I had a little bit of a rough time this prior week because i was sick and miserable. my other goal is to get my 5 days of cardio in and tell myself something positive about myself every single day! :) Sun, 27 Jan 2013 13:18:19 EST I love my..... A few weeks ago I saw a Youtube video of a little 4 or 5 year old girl who was basically giving herself affirmations in the morning. Someone was videotaping her while she was standing on top of the bathroom counter looking into the mirror saying "I love my hair, I love my school, I love my family, I love my nose, I love my friends" and things like that. I thought how powerful that was to start developing healthy self-esteem so young. How sad is it that we beat ourselves up so easily. I've str... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:14:24 EST middle of the week So i'm starting to get used to waking up early again. Yesterday I was up at 5:30 to hit the gym before an early shift and this morning I went to the gym for a session with my personal trainer before work. Now nobody believes me when i say this but for a morbidly obese chick i'm pretty dang strong. Especially in my legs. I have some serious ass kicking potential lol. I definitely hope I've got some Carrie Underwood legs under the fat. So this morning my trainer Dale decided to challenge me to ... Wed, 23 Jan 2013 12:52:07 EST My disease wants me DEAD So i definitely had a weekend of ups and downs. I've felt like my emotions were out of control and that I needed a lot of support with my eating. I attended my normal saturday meeting of overeaters anonymous and felt so much love and support from everyone attending. I was sharing with everyone that I had this realization that my disease wants me dead. My eating disorder does not care whether it takes me years of compulsively eating myself to death or becoming an anorexic or bulimic. It doesn'... Mon, 21 Jan 2013 17:28:25 EST BLC 17 Fitness Plan So my fitness plan is one that i've already been doing for a few weeks now. I try to do at least 45 minutes of cardio 5-6 days a week. For the next few weeks i'm meeting with personal trainers for 2 days of strength training a week. I'm also doing one day of strength training on my own. I actually super enjoy working out which is why my fitness plan is so involved and time consuming. I feel strong and confident whenever i get done with a workout. I'm also thinking of doing different types of ... Mon, 21 Jan 2013 17:07:36 EST More questions STATISTICS <BR> Name? Krysten <BR> Current Location? Abilene, TX <BR> Starting Weight? 322 (i'm currently about 297) <BR> Goal Weight? 160 <BR> When do you want to reach your goal by?End of 2014 <BR> When is your birthday? February 12 <BR> Eye Color? Brown <BR> Hair Color? Light brownish blonde <BR> Height? 5' 8" <BR> Piercings or tattoos? Right now only my ears <BR> Single or taken:? I'm dating someone <BR> Right Handed or Left Handed? Left handed <BR> Any pets? 1 dog <BR> Your greatest s... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 13:44:07 EST 31 questions to get to know me better Where is my cell phone? <BR> It is in my purse on silent. I'm at work so I can't be on my phone. <BR> <BR> Spouse? <BR> Nope I am not currently married. <BR> <BR> Your hair? <BR> It is cut into a long bob. After being colored for years and year i am finally back to my natural color. I also just found a couple grey hairs :( <BR> <BR> Your mother? <BR> Is one of my best friends. She has had an eating disorder since she was 17, and growing up in that environment was not fun. However, n... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 17:48:58 EST personal training I met with one of my old personal trainers this morning. I worked with her and her husband for 6 weeks in 2011. I really enjoyed the workouts but i literally could not afford them anymore. She met me at the gym after I did some cardio this morning and made me a pretty unbelievable offer. Their normal hourly fee is 45 dollars a session (yeesh!). However, she told me that they just loved me and they really wanted to help me out. They are willing to cut down their fee to 30 a session two session... Mon, 14 Jan 2013 11:53:27 EST Feeling positive Went to counseling this morning and am feeling empowered. I didn't give in to the temptation of the cupcakes and i'm about 20 pounds down on this most recent attempt at weight loss. I'm actually more like 25 or 26 from my highest weight recorded last summer. Definitely feeling like i've got some momentum this time. Thu, 10 Jan 2013 12:46:16 EST Evil Cupcakes I'm on day 3 of strictly sticking to Paleo and day 8 of abstinence in OA. At work there is a massive tray of cupcakes staring me down lol. I even sent out a humorous email to everyone i work with telling them to eat the cupcakes because they were calling my name. I even looked up the calories in a single cupcake on here. I'm still going strong and haven't eaten one but i didn't pack enough for lunch and now i'm hungry. The battle of the cupcakes will be going on until 7. One cupcake might not... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 16:55:05 EST Finding humor in the small things I had such an eventful morning today. I normally don't go to work until 10 so my lazy butt is used to just rolling out of bed at 8:30 and then maybe go grab a donut and head in to work. However, i've been changing my habits for over a month and I thought it was finally time to give my morning an overhaul. So this morning I woke up and set out a HUGE package of chicken drumsticks to thaw a little bit so I could marinate them when I got back from the gym. So i work out for an hour and i'm feeli... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 12:13:47 EST Goals and a little background So i've never been good at consistently blogging. I think it would work best if people know a little about me though... <BR> <BR> I'm the youngest of three children and my parents are still together after more than 30 years of marriage. So i'm definitely close to my family and they are a fairly good support system. However, some of the dynamics of the family were stressful growing up and i was definitely overweight from the time I was a small child. <BR> <BR> I'm independent and decided to... Tue, 3 Jul 2012 12:39:32 EST