KOOKERBEE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KOOKERBEE KOOKERBEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Warmth :) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5552833 I am just overflowing with gratitude today. Logging on to SP and reading the loving and supportive comments from new friends really humbled me - I can't believe people are so giving that they are willing to take their own time and energy to brainstorm my health issues alongside me. Wow. <BR> <BR> Yesterday being Thanksgiving, I was taken aback by feelings of love and gratitude yesterday as well. Normally Thanksgiving is not a big holiday for me or my family...my dad lives out of state, and ... Fri, 29 Nov 2013 14:14:15 EST Yikes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5552256 I have been at the doctor's office a LOT lately. I'm having elbow surgery on Tuesday, and my opposite arm has tendonitis in the shoulder (rotator cuff). Both hips hurt me, but they have ruled out arthritis. I have been taking pain pills occasionally at night, but they give me a "pill hangover" the next day. I hate taking pills, but sometimes I'm too uncomfortable to sleep otherwise. <BR> <BR> On Tuesday, I talked with my doctor about my weight. I told her all about my struggles over the pas... Thu, 28 Nov 2013 13:21:14 EST The Great Cinnabon Trance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5542705 This morning, I set the intention to listen to my body, to use the hunger scale, and to be mindful in choosing what I put into my body. I packed a healthy lunch to bring to work (I do work on Saturdays). I got into my car and drove to the gas station to fuel up. I had planned to eat a Kind bar I have stashed at work, but as if on auto-pilot, I immediately drove around the gas station to the Burger King drive-through, and ordered three (3!) of their cinnabon/minibons. <BR> <BR> I'm not sure ... Sat, 16 Nov 2013 13:18:11 EST Fall Reflections http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5538747 Sparkpeople, I missed you! For two years I was gone, and now that I've logged back on, I can already feel the love and support and community that I enjoyed so long ago. <BR> <BR> Tonight I've felt sad, and have been having sort of a pity party, in bed in my jammies. I'm at a job I dislike, and have a supervisor who seems to dislike me. As someone who typically gets along with most people, this is very difficult for me. Unfortunately, work problems are bleeding over into my days off, and I am... Mon, 11 Nov 2013 23:13:15 EST Fall 2013: A Fresh Start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5524678 I have just logged onto SP after a year and a half. Everything's changed, and it appears many of the people I was connected to may no longer be on this site. I feel a bit discombobulated, but I really want to feel connected again to other people who are working on being fit, healthy, and happy. Sparkpeople has an amazing ability to attract incredibly inspirational, intelligent, and kind people :) <BR> <BR> My struggle with weight continues, but this past year my body decided to up the ante. ... Sun, 27 Oct 2013 14:30:04 EST Nearing 36! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4709583 Well, it's January 28th and I feel as though my New Year's Intention (as opposed to a resolution, which I never keep) is holding up. I promised myself that this year I would treat myself well, body and soul. That means I am taking great care about what I put in my body, on my body, and what I allow to affect me emotionally. So far, so good! <BR> <BR> It really all begins at the grocery store for me. I've been working on transitioning to organic foods, even though they can be pricey and we'r... Sun, 29 Jan 2012 00:24:11 EST 2012 intentions - it's about more than weight!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4642711 Sparkpeople, I come sheepishly crawling back to you. <BR> <BR> I have had a helluva year, both major wins and challenges. I thought I'd do a little reflecting on things, and try to define my goals for 2012. I'm looking forward to a fresh start!! <BR> <BR> 2011 began fabulously, because my boyfriend and I got engaged before New Years. We ended up getting married in April, which was the most amazing day! I left a job I liked in January, doing mental health work in a jail, for a job I greatl... Thu, 29 Dec 2011 04:30:52 EST Day 2 a success! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4319009 I'm thrilled to say that day 2 of being back in the gym was a success! I did 40 minutes of cardio (20 on the stationary bike, 20 walking the track), and a small amount of lower body strength training. I'm still limited on activities I can do because of my MCL tear, but things are healing nicely! <BR> <BR> I'm starting to remember that feeling I used to have when I saw my trainer twice a week, and did cardio another 2 days/week. I just felt...accomplished. Strong. Energetic. I'm freaking exh... Thu, 23 Jun 2011 23:07:26 EST A New Beginning http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4316976 Feeling very happy and grateful today. Today I started taking back my self-respect. I ate really well, superfoods like oatmeal, blueberries, strawberries, whey protein, and vegetable soup. I took my multi vitamin and my fish oil. I went to the local rec center and began to feel at home there – walking around the track for a half-hour with my ipod felt like freedom, after finally recovering from this knee injury. I also cycled for twenty minutes, did an entire upper body workout (with abs), an... Thu, 23 Jun 2011 02:54:08 EST Riding the wave... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4284178 Well, I'm still riding the wave of depression, and right now it's on the upward swing. I really tried to stay present through that tough couple of weeks, and I was able to notice small beauties even when I wasn't feeling optimistic or hopeful. I made sure to take good care of myself each day - I took bubble baths, I took short walks just to get some Vitamin D, and I didn't beat myself up for feeling so lethargic. <BR> <BR> Depression, for me, really is like seeing the world through dark-tin... Tue, 7 Jun 2011 21:32:00 EST There's more to life than losing weight... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4267503 I am grateful for: <BR> 1) The way the light surrounds me when I’m sitting in this very spot, on the cozy couch in my little dining room nook I created. It shines through the big tree outside my window and dances around me. <BR> 2) Fresh raspberries for breakfast today. <BR> 3) My house being clean and organized. I feel clean and organized. <BR> 4) The feeling I get from being in nature, even if “nature” is just one tree in the middle of a concrete jungle. <BR> 5) The smile on our faces ... Tue, 31 May 2011 13:05:27 EST My cravings experiment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4220715 So far I am thoroughly enjoying being unemployed. Right now I am sitting on my favorite couch, situated next to a big window on the side of my house. It overlooks a magnificent tree. I have the window open and feel the breeze coming inside. Aaaahhhhh. <BR> <BR> Unfortunately, I am only unemployed this week, so I'd better enjoy it while it lasts. Next week I begin private practice. I am really excited to see clients in my own office, on my own terms. Life is good. <BR> <BR> I have lost fou... Mon, 9 May 2011 14:11:56 EST The Life Energy Project! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4212564 I'm back. Again. For the eighty-gazilionth time. But you know what? I'm stronger than ever, and I'm really excited for Springtime and a fresh start. This time, my husband (yes! I just got married last weekend!) is on board too, because he needs to lose 20 lbs. or so...so for the first time in a long time, I have a partner to work on nutrition and exercise with. Yay! <BR> <BR> I bought a whole bunch of lean meats at the grocery store, and some awesome-looking produce. I'm adding oat bran int... Thu, 5 May 2011 15:07:46 EST It's Spring! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4136748 Yay, April’s here! And after an awful week at work, I’m really excited to be on Day 2 of my 4-day relax-fest :) <BR> <BR> It feels like Spring outside, and it makes me happy to see birds chirping, the neighbor setting up his new gas grill, and buds growing on the trees. I wish I could go outside for a long walk with Ziggy, but my knee’s still jacked up. <BR> <BR> I am about ready to quit this job in a toxic environment, and finally jump head-first into my dream of being in private practice... Sat, 2 Apr 2011 13:24:05 EST Interesting observation about food and mood http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4110540 I have noticed something extremely interesting about myself. I tore my MCL on Saturday while at the dog park. This really adorable black and white pup ran directly into the side of my knee going a bajillion miles an hour. I heard a "snap!" and immediately went down. Anyway, I've been confined to the couch for three days now, and here's what I've noticed: I've been eating really healthfully, despite junk food in the house and pizza in the freezer. I have not binged once, nor had the urge to. I... Tue, 22 Mar 2011 16:34:39 EST An Honest Monologue http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4104163 Hello, SparkBuddies! It's been a while. I've been MIA for a bit, mostly because I'm disgusted and irritated with my inability to achieve my goals. I talk a good talk. I can journal about weight loss until I convince myself and everyone else that I am educated, prepared, and fully motivated to achieve the best body, the best energy, and the best HAPPINESS available in this world, but the fact is, I lack motivation and ACTION. <BR> <BR> Sooooo...I'm trying to stop writing, stop making goals, s... Sun, 20 Mar 2011 01:38:28 EST Hiding from the Anxiety and Depression Monsters http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3923444 Today is my second day of planning my meals and actually following my plan. I'm trying to hold the promise I made to myself, which is to learn how to work through the uncomfortable feelings I experience when I DON'T give in and eat fattening, large meals. I know food has helped me to cope for many years, but I am about to find out how much. <BR> <BR> Today I'm feeling down, and a bit anxious. Anxiety is my worst enemy; I have battled it for years. It is finally well-controlled with the help... Fri, 14 Jan 2011 00:28:05 EST Birthday Wishes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3915536 Well, here I am. I turn 35 years old in three weeks. 16 years after giving birth to my daughter, 16 years of trying to lose weight, and I've found that the battle has gotten progressively more difficult. I'm feeling discouraged, but I haven't given up the fight. <BR> <BR> I do feel stuck, however. I mean, come on. I've read every fitness and nutrition book known to man, I've worked with a personal trainer for nine months, and I've done Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig. I've worked on my food... Tue, 11 Jan 2011 20:59:59 EST It must be a sign! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3891151 I went to the doctor this morning to address the chest pains I've been having. Because my pain got worse when I exercised, and because I did feel pain down my left arm, I was scared I could have heart issues. <BR> <BR> But good news......it's only gastric reflux (aka HEARTBURN)! I feel as though I was given a break here, and now it's time to press forward with losing this weight once and for all. It's a sign that I am still young enough to escape major health issues, if only I get on this R... Wed, 5 Jan 2011 00:43:37 EST Lessons from 2010 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3861998 I have learned so much in 2010. Despite many setbacks (gaining at least 36 lbs., struggling with plantar fasciitis, worrying about chest pains, and losing my energy for working out), I truly believe these setbacks were/are part of my journey to fitness and good health. I’ve been thinking long and hard about what lessons I can carry into the next year, because I really believe I’m ready this time, for real. Here are the five major lessons I’ve learned this year: <BR> <BR> 1) There will alway... Sat, 25 Dec 2010 19:22:52 EST Booo hooooo! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3860191 Wow. I just spent an hour writing the best blog I've ever written, complete with pictures and everything! And when I hit "post," I got a message saying "no html, please." I hit back and the entire post was missing. <BR> <BR> BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<BR>!!!! <BR> <BR> Oh well, I guess it was a lesson in impermanence. <BR> <BR> Happy holidays, everyone! Fri, 24 Dec 2010 03:17:14 EST Getting ready to cruise! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3810493 Well, I survived Thanksgiving dinner at the in-law's house and it actually went very well! Now I can let go of anxiety and others' expectations surrounding my weight loss, and just focus on taking care of myself! <BR> <BR> On Friday Amin and I leave for our Eastern Caribbean cruise! I am so excited :) I have never been on a cruise before and on top of that, I'm pretty sure he's going to propose on our trip. I came across some information that leads me to believe he's been hurrying to get th... Sun, 28 Nov 2010 19:05:15 EST Reality Check http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3799718 Last night, when I arrived home from work around 1 a.m., I sat at the top of the stairs and took off my shoes and socks. I gasped in horror, because my ankles were swollen to capacity and it looked as though tiny veins were popping out of my skin. I immediately thought, is it high blood pressure? Am I going to have a heart attack? I've never had high blood pressure before, but then again I've never been almost 230 pounds before either. And I'm almost 35 - time to start worrying about these th... Mon, 22 Nov 2010 13:31:10 EST How I Am Diminishing Myself This Week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3793382 Today was a stay in bed day. I am tired from my work week, anxious about a very busy (and not entirely pleasant) week to come, and feeling like a fitness failure. I have been stuffing myself full of food lately, despite every best intention. If you've read any of my blogs, you can probably tell that I am a genuinely optimistic person, but today I don't feel very optimistic. <BR> <BR> Part of my anxiety is that I have agreed to have Thanksgiving dinner with my future in-laws next Friday. The... Fri, 19 Nov 2010 02:05:35 EST Bacon, egg and cheese breakfast sandwiches are DISGUSTING!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3783307 So, let me ask you a question. Would you consider it a success or failure to have had TWO breakfast sandwiches with bacon in a momentary lapse of sanity, and then have this epiphany that you feel absolutely sick, that the food tasted disgusting, and that you much prefer eating egg whites and whole wheat toast for breakfast? <BR> <BR> Due to my insane decision this morning to buy not one, but TWO sandwiches from this well-known, independent fast food place in a part of town that I'm not norm... Sun, 14 Nov 2010 15:16:12 EST Today is a New Day!! (and goals for November) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3766473 Happy Saturday, everyone! I'm feeling pretty great today. Still frustrated that I haven't had a string of successful days in a long time, but today is a new day, and I'm focusing on wellness rather than weight loss. This is definitely a better mindset for me, because when I think I'm "dieting," I feel deprived, hopeless, frustrated and flat. When I think about health and wellness, I feel inspired, and alive. Wellness invokes thoughts of walks amongst the fall leaves, hikes up to waterfalls in... Sat, 6 Nov 2010 18:41:35 EST Today is a New Day!! (and goals for November) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3766472 Happy Saturday, everyone! I'm feeling pretty great today. Still frustrated that I haven't had a string of successful days in a long time, but today is a new day, and I'm focusing on wellness rather than weight loss. This is definitely a better mindset for me, because when I think I'm "dieting," I feel deprived, hopeless, frustrated and flat. When I think about health and wellness, I feel inspired, and alive. Wellness invokes thoughts of walks amongst the fall leaves, hikes up to waterfalls in... Sat, 6 Nov 2010 18:41:34 EST Pep Talk http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3763145 Today was a self-care day. My goal was to just take good care of myself today - sleep in, relax, read a book, take a bath...and I was hoping it would include treating my body right by eating yummy, whole foods. I had blueberries, strawberries and pineapple for breakfast, Subway for lunch, low-fat cheese as a snack, and a cup of whole wheat pasta with tomato sauce for dinner. I even treated myself to a small glass of red wine as a treat. <BR> <BR> However, the second Amin left for work at 8:... Fri, 5 Nov 2010 00:03:57 EST Changing my mindset http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3746980 I hate letting myself down. I have all the best intentions, strong motivation, lots of knowledge about fitness and nutrition, and supportive people surrounding me. I just can't seem to stop binge eating. With every perceived "failure," I feel more and more worried that I can't do this, and I think this is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. <BR> <BR> I need to get to the gym, period. I haven't been in a while. I need to make this about health and wellness and treating myself right, not abo... Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:48:35 EST Onward and upward http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3731941 Well, I was on a roll, but then I feel off the wagon. I am just now picking myself up and putting myself back together after several days of binges and poor food decisions. <BR> <BR> I have to remain strong and believe in my ability to do this. Without that strength, I have nothing. It's so easy to feel defeated when I've been living this pattern for so many years. I keep thinking that the light switch flipped on and I've suddenly "got it," but it doesn't work that way. I suspect I'm in for... Thu, 21 Oct 2010 22:20:18 EST This is not just about weight loss... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3713107 If there's one thing for certain I've learned on this journey, it's that weight loss is also an emotional and even spiritual journey. Most of us who are overweight tend to eat for emotional reasons, maybe because something is lacking in our lives, or because we are afraid of something. I know that I eat to quell anxiety, to relieve stress, and to relax and comfort myself. But I also feel like I eat purely for pleasure sometimes. I love food, and thinking about food excites me - I love to look... Wed, 13 Oct 2010 14:49:34 EST Rollin, rollin, rollin... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3709315 I actually think...I'm on a roll. Knock on wood. All of a sudden I'm just doing well, and it's taking effort but not as much effort as two weeks ago. I think I'm finally finding my groove! <BR> <BR> I'm eating on a regular basis, making sure I get enough food in me so that I don't resort to midnight Wendy's (I work til midnight, hence the actual midnight drive-throughs :) I'm drinking lots of water. I'm resisting all sorts of temptation and feeling really great about my choices. I dunno, th... Tue, 12 Oct 2010 01:10:49 EST Nothing like a successful vacation weekend! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3704288 I'm feeling pretty great today! I just spent two nights in Cripple Creek, CO with my honey and I made great food choices the entire time! Cripple Creek is an old mining town in the Rockies that is now home to several casinos. All there is to do is gamble, eat, and drink. While I did have a couple cocktails (my favorite: cherry vodka and soda), I chose a turkey sandwich instead of grilled cheese, a fruit plate with tuna salad instead of cream of chicken soup, and fajitas without cheese and wit... Sat, 9 Oct 2010 20:32:33 EST Is there an initial hump to get over, or is it a contant hump? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3686280 The title of this blog is ridiculous! However, it does reflect my question quite simply ;) I'm curious about whether there is an initial weight loss hump to get over, after which one feels confident in her ability to reach her weight loss and fitness goals? Or...is it a constant hump, filled with disbelief and struggle, throughout the entire weight loss journey? <BR> <BR> Obviously I hope it's the first. <BR> <BR> I'm doing well. I'm right about at day 2 of doing extremely well on my wei... Sat, 2 Oct 2010 03:36:10 EST Pho ConFusion http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3669808 Just had Pho (pronounced "fuh") for lunch today. Amongst Coloradoans it's the big thing right now - is that true for other areas of the country? All the cool kids are eating it ;) Anyway, I've been anxious to try it because people talk about CRAVING it all the time, and it's super-healthy. <BR> <BR> I ordered the chicken pho, and it was soooo disgusting! No spices, no flavors, just a bowl of chicken broth, plain rice noodles, plain boiled chicken, and about a million green onions. I actuall... Sat, 25 Sep 2010 15:42:01 EST Thank god for the weekend and a little space! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3665471 In my last blog entry I offered a little snapshot of my life - the stressful part of it, that is. It's so nice to share some of my very personal struggles and feel understood and supported by so many people. Today is the first day of my weekend (I work Sundays - Wednesdays), and I'm using it to unwind. I usually wake up around 11 a.m. (I work til midnight so I sleep in), and today I woke at 11:30. I got into my workout clothes, but I actually plan to lounge on my bed for a while and finish wa... Thu, 23 Sep 2010 15:16:19 EST Stumbling my way out of the cave http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3661952 Still having a depressed week, but there is a spark of hope. I've been feeling down because my daughter recently switched schools and as a result, she is with her dad Monday - Friday, while I have her on weekends. (The school is near his house, across town, and it's where her childhood friends are). This is a major shift in my life, because I'm used to being that primary parent and I never thought this would happen. Luckily, it was a good change and she is doing well in school, and happier th... Wed, 22 Sep 2010 13:55:36 EST Dysthymia...and other cheerful topics http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3655250 So I've struggled with what us therapist-types call dysthymia (chronic, low-grade, longstanding depression) for as long as I can remember. The best way to describe it is that despite my optimistic nature, despite all the wonderful people surrounding me, and despite my appreciation for the little things in life, I still wake up each day feeling, well, blah. I spend countless hours a day fighting this feeling, by journaling, meditating, reading for pleasure, reading books on mindfulness and spi... Mon, 20 Sep 2010 15:17:40 EST A Very Zen Type of Day....ooooommmmm... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3644912 It's my Friday, it's Fall, I'm eating well today and nourishing my body, mind and spirit. I feel very Zen today :) Yeah, I've been messing up with eating lately, but I think it's all part of my learning process. For example, I now know - beyond a reasonable doubt - that eating fatty foods late at night makes me feel like crap the next day. I had what I call Food Hangovers twice last week, where I woke up the next morning with a monstrous headache, a tummy ache, and zero energy. <BR> <BR> Mo... Thu, 16 Sep 2010 18:52:12 EST WTF is my body trying to tell me??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3641167 I woke up with a headache today. I posted to Facebook that I wonder what my body is telling me? My friend Renee made me laugh by replying, “I’m pretty sure it’s telling you to go back to bed.” In a way, she’s right. And that’s what I wish to do. But I think it’s about the food I put into my body last night, I ate a huge bowl of popcorn with half a stick of butter. I ate half of a lemon crunch cake. And I drank about 10 oz. of Coke. The sugar and fat are wreaking havoc on my health this morni... Wed, 15 Sep 2010 14:51:15 EST Jenny Craig, Week 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3626486 I'm nearing the end of my second week on Jenny Craig and feeling great! This program doesn't feel like a "diet" to me. I'm always full because I'm ALWAYS EATING. I have had one meal out this week where I indulged in pasta and bread and didn't feel the least bit guilty, because I had made a conscious decision to have that meal. It wasn't emotional, unconscious eating, and I was able to enjoy my food and get right back to my plan. <BR> <BR> I feel healthier eating smaller, lighter, more frequ... Fri, 10 Sep 2010 21:57:57 EST Fall is here!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3604843 I love fall. I don't know if it reminds me of the old back-to-school days, but fall always seems like a time for fresh starts. I am doing really well with my nutrition. I am also doing really well with self-care in general. I'm taking care of my feet (plantar fasciitis) and icing them every day, and I'm really trying to take time for myself these days. My feet are feeling better and I think I'm about ready to begin some light exercise again! Yay! <BR> <BR> I'm actually doing Jenny Craig rig... Fri, 3 Sep 2010 19:40:05 EST Progress! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3573657 Well, I'm down 1.4 lbs. in the last 5 days! I couldn't help but weigh myself. It's been such a hard past few days. I've stayed on track with my eating (around 1500 cals, good nutrition), and I've even snuck in a couple of treats that stay within my calorie budget. I feel encouraged that I can do this, but it's definitely really, really hard. <BR> <BR> At night, after work (I get off at midnight), I have been able to resist the temptations of Del Taco's nachos and Wendy's. The last two night... Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:02:57 EST Slowly, slowly, things are looking up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3561206 I have come up a couple notches from ground zero / rock bottom. I am feeling much, much better after writing my last blog. I have to say that the support from fellow sparkers is amazingly helpful. A couple people emailed me so that we can support each other, and the comments left are always insightful. I swear that people on this site tend to be incredibly intelligent and wise! Love it! <em>247</em> <BR> <BR> It's funny how having health problems really makes you see things differently. Ye... Sat, 21 Aug 2010 22:50:39 EST 225 lbs. Huh. I never want to see THAT again. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3555813 I'm going to go weigh myself right now. I decided to log onto Sparkpeople first, because I'm gonna need some support. Let's just say I've been on a monthlong "bender," and the number on the scale's not going to be pretty. Don't get me wrong - I've actually never been all that obsessed with the number on the scale like some people are. But the bottom line is that I weighed 194 last September (I was doing twice-weekly personal training, before backsliding with my eating and quitting my workouts... Fri, 20 Aug 2010 02:53:24 EST Is this my rock bottom? Sure feels like it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3508200 Oooooohhhhhhhh, Laura. I am absolutely cringing with physical and emotional illness tonight. My eating habits have been like a giant clay ball rolling downhill, thickening as it gains momentum. Many months ago I started eating fast food to cope with some family stress, and it's become a habit, sometimes a twice-a-day habit. I've had a headache for three days straight, and it feels different than a typical headache - I just know in my gut it's because of my eating (and possibly caffeine) habit... Fri, 6 Aug 2010 00:20:57 EST What I'm learning from other Sparkers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3494540 I posted some comments about my struggle on a couple of message boards the other day (which I rarely do), and I was so amazed at the wisdom and insight of the responses. People on this site have so much wisdom, and I really needed some reminders of what this journey is REALLY about. Here are some things I learned: <BR> <BR> 1) I always come back to the hard-core, weight loss oriented thoughts and goals, when in reality, the goal is to feel good and to love myself. <BR> 2) The more I focus ... Mon, 2 Aug 2010 10:47:31 EST Update and August Goals! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3484349 I just finished taking good care of myself tonight. I played some mindless Bejeweled game (I'm HOOKED...it's awful), then I had a yummy Wendy's apple pecan chicken salad, minus the pecans (SO yummy, and not terribly unhealthy either). Then I took a bubble bath and read my Shape magazine. I feel all warm and lotion-y and relaxed...sigh :) <BR> <BR> The other day, frustrated with 15 years of weight loss attempts and limited success, and prompted by foot pain, a terrible picture of myself from... Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:30:09 EST Gratitude Journal http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3469390 I just read someone's blog listing all her blessings. She wrote that she had gotten caught up in a lot of negativity lately, and needed to remind herself of all the positives in her life. I started thinking about how I keep a daily gratitude journal, in an attempt to access and FEEL those emotions of happiness, peace, and genuine gratitude. But sometimes, although I write about what I'm grateful for and know how true my statements are, I am not actually FEELING very grateful. I hate that! I w... Mon, 26 Jul 2010 01:29:02 EST Woman's Search For Meaning http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3465408 Last night I read Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. It was my first time reading this classic, and I read it in one night. I was blown away, and reading this book really gave me some incredible perspective. It's about a psychiatrist's real experience in a concentration camp, but it really gets into the meaning behind suffering, as well as the incredible human tendency toward resiliency. Frankl developed an entire therapy based on what he learned. <BR> <BR> I had been dreading today... Sat, 24 Jul 2010 16:42:36 EST