KONOHA-NIN's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KONOHA%2DNIN KONOHA-NIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Small goals - Day 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5609768 Today should have been a happy, productive day, but it wasn't. And I know I shouldn't keep focusing on the "should haves". Argh. <BR> <BR> + I'm grateful for yoga class today, as I needed it. <BR> <BR> + I got some work done, even if it was very little. <BR> <BR> + I took a nap. Thu, 30 Jan 2014 00:52:37 EST Small goals - Day 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5608748 Ok, so I started on Wed, which was Day 1, so today is day 7...I was looking back briefly and saw 2 entries on a Friday. Maybe I accidentally wrote past midnight or something. Weird. Anyway this is day 7. <BR> <BR> I ended up bingeing today, but at least I haven't broke my blogging streak. I would write more about what happened but I'm so tired... <BR> <BR> In general today was a good and busy day, and it was just this slight bit of downtime where I was alone at home and wasn't paying attent... Wed, 29 Jan 2014 00:12:15 EST Small goals - Day 6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5607130 Might blog again later but I need to check in now. Had a kind of off-feeling start to the morning. Got enough sleep and woke up before alarm clock, but definitely felt kind of anxious upon waking. Didn't quite feel like running, not even a short run... <BR> <BR> I knew it might be a good idea to just try starting to run to see if I'd feel better (and then quit if not) so I went to the gym for the first time in probably over a year. I just walked 2 miles on the treadmill while trying to do so... Mon, 27 Jan 2014 12:00:43 EST Small goals - Day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5606595 + No bingeing. <BR> <BR> + Fun dive this morning, and saw my first halibut! Grateful there's a beach that's protected from the recent strong swell systems. The nearby beaches have much bigger surf than usual. <BR> <BR> + Was fussing around at home after the dive and was strongly tempted to stay there to try and work, but managed to get over my indecision about that and get out instead (because almost every time I try to work at home, I end up getting very little work done, and tend to deal ... Sun, 26 Jan 2014 21:24:15 EST Small goals - Day 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5605800 So tired and so late but I am checking in for today. <BR> <BR> + No bingeing! <BR> <BR> + Got some work done. <BR> <BR> + Splurged on (expensive!) but thoroughly enjoyed a nice smoothie and a juice as a snack. <BR> <BR> Sun, 26 Jan 2014 01:12:24 EST Small goals - Day 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5604836 So far so good for today! <BR> <BR> + Had a nice 6:30am yoga class before starting training to work at the front desk of the studio. I've practiced there for a few years now and am there so often I thought it'd be nice to do work-exchange and be part of the team and place which I consider my second home! <BR> <BR> + I spent most of the day out at a coffeeshop working on research. It wasn't the most efficient working, but I didn't make the usual mistake of staying and thinking I could get wo... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 23:10:20 EST Small goals - Day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5603925 My small goal that I just decided to make is to write something, anything here, every day until the end of January. If it's just a note, or disorganized thoughts, or whatever, I will be ok with it. No perfectionism. Focusing on consistency! <BR> <BR> This is going to count as day 2 back to Spark, and day 2 of no bingeing. <BR> <BR> I'll continue some updates... <BR> <BR> I really haven't been consistently weighing myself or anything. Weeks go by and I just haven't checked, though every tim... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 00:11:04 EST Eeeee I'm still alive! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5602527 Just checking in since it's been ages since I've been here. The holidays whizzed by. I had good times with family, and have been dealing with some friend drama which I feel is mostly resolved at this point. I've still been writing gratitudes and staying positive, but mostly in e-mail or another journal... I reconnected a bit with some old friends from IOP and we are still enjoying each others' support and friendship. I made a new friend from my diving activities and he opened up to me early o... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 16:23:32 EST Checking in...I'm alive http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5495283 Again it feels like forever since I've been here, and in the past few weeks I've noticed the consequences of being lax about keeping up with taking care of my mental health. Unfortunately I am finding I still need quite a bit of "maintenance" - time for reflection, adjustment, acknowledging what I did right and what I could do better, etc. - and I wasn't giving that time to myself. <BR> <BR> The good news is that I've been keeping up with activities. I've still been playing in the water a fa... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 20:48:55 EST Eeek time flies! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5456754 Hi again SparkFriends! It's the usual story - crazy busy. The past month has included ups and downs, and while I would estimate they were about equal in amounts, it's sometimes difficult to recall accurately. My calendar of stickers for non-binge days seems to suggest that it's been a fairly average month. <BR> <BR> I'm still struggling with managing to get enough sleep. Most nights it's still 5-6 hours of sleep, with a few less (!) and fewer nights with more, but not much more. I'm pretty c... Fri, 16 Aug 2013 00:51:32 EST Fighting an urge again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5420952 I had a great morning, and yesterday was a good day too (had a bit of overeating due to cravings in the evening, but it wasn't too bad). At the moment though, I'm struggling. For some reason, lunch, which was a few sushi rolls, usually one of my favorite things, didn't quite satisfy. It did satisfy me in the sense that I wasn't hungry anymore, but I had a pretty strong craving for something else afterwards. I kept eating and drinking other random things like some potstickers, cherries, cheese... Sun, 14 Jul 2013 18:09:00 EST Exhausted but checking in http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5417231 Wow has it been a long time since I've blogged! Life has been very busy. The past few weekends were a bit rough, especially the one after 4th of July. Sometimes I'm ok with unstructured time, but I think usually it's a bit of a challenge. I'm happy to report that since Monday I've been back on track. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive. <BR> <BR> + Running is still inconsistent as I'm working through physical therapy, but I'm keeping busy with other activities like snorkling/freediving, surfing, cli... Wed, 10 Jul 2013 22:12:13 EST Bleh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5399125 Just reporting in. <BR> <BR> On Friday I held out for as long as I could, but eventually succumbed and binged in the evening, and totally gave up on working. <BR> <BR> Yesterday started really nicely but later in the day I ended up bingeing again. <BR> <BR> Both times were out of uneasiness about not getting enough work done, and ironically as usual, bingeing makes me feel in such a bad mood that I definitely don't get any work done afterwards. <BR> <BR> So today I really, really need to ... Sun, 23 Jun 2013 12:52:25 EST Some anxiety...trying to blog it out http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5397608 I'm feeling a little uneasy right now, so I'm here to try and sort it out by blogging. Fortunately I'm not at home, but at a tea shop again, since I've felt some anxiety growing since I got back from yoga this morning, and I know that getting out of my place and not isolating can help me. <BR> <BR> I can tell that some of the anxiety is coming from a slight physical discomfort I can't quite place, but that includes some fatigue and not feeling completely right. The other part of the anxiety ... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 17:57:16 EST Another good day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5395879 I had another randomly good day, and am happy to report I'm still on track. I barely even had any urges or anxiety at all today! <BR> <BR> Staying Positive <BR> <BR> + The one main anxiety-causing thing that happened today was misjudging that I knew the way back to work from our work "field trip" to a university lab. I noticed a small stress spike, but fortunately it was only because I would take longer than expected to get back to the office, not because I wasn't sure I'd figure out how to... Thu, 20 Jun 2013 01:43:49 EST Not enough hours in a day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5394122 As usual I'm rushing this when I feel like I have a ton of other things to do, but I wanted to check in as promised... I am back on track today! I had some overeating due to anxiety but no binge, so I'm happy. <BR> <BR> Today I felt really grateful, so for my "staying positive" section, I'm going to just copy and paste what I wrote to my friend in our (attempted) daily gratitudes e-mail. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive <BR> <BR> + I'm grateful today was a much better day than yesterday. <BR> <... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 00:21:57 EST Whew http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5392790 Good news and bad news. <BR> <BR> Good news is that I basically made it through the trip with the family to my sister's graduation. She is now a doctor of veterinary medicine and I am proud of her! I really enjoyed spending time with the family despite it being pretty stressful; we haven't all gotten together in quite a long time since my sister and I are both away at school (sister is staying on one more year to get a masters in preventative medicine or something). <BR> <BR> Bad news is th... Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:15:27 EST Back on track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5385302 Ok, I had a bit of a mess up again yesterday, but today I got myself back on track! <BR> <BR> Staying Positive <BR> <BR> + Surf and yoga Sunday morning was fun. <BR> <BR> + Even though I ended up chatting online with an old classmate while I was at the tea shop again on Sunday trying to work on research (meaning I didn't spend as much time on research as I intended), it was a good chat that included some math and tech stuff, and we set up a camping trip! I definitely noticed my anxiety bui... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 00:21:38 EST I don't want to admit this but... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5382878 ...I ended up bingeing. But it was way later than the first urge I wrote about. Argh!!! I'm really proud of myself for using all my skills and successfully getting past the first urge with the help of my friend, but later when I came home after studying I wasn't able to identify the urge fast enough or I just wasn't being mindful and before I knew it I was bingeing. <BR> <BR> I have a feeling it was because I was getting upset and sad over not being able to run. This morning I didn't feel we... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 22:34:47 EST Trying to stay in the moment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5382561 I'm having the strongest urges right now to binge. Here's what I'm doing so far... <BR> <BR> + Checking in here for accountability. <BR> + Just texted some girls from my IOP days for support. <BR> + Refusing to go home since staying out of my place is going to help. <BR> <BR> Actually one of my support friends just said she'd drop by this tea shop I'm at since she lives by here... I think this will help to snap me out of this funk. Hopefully I can report back later (with a success story)! <... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 15:24:29 EST Happy Friday! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5381485 Happy Friday Spark Friends! Just a quick check in since I really need to get to work, but I've had a good few days so I wanted to report. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive <BR> <BR> + Even though my hip/knee is still giving me trouble from running (saw a doctor and he did not provide any useful information about what he thought it was caused by, or suggestions to strengthen/stretch/rehab it), I have been doing some other fun activities! Climbing indoors on Monday, swimming in the ocean and climbin... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 13:01:31 EST June... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5375781 Well, unfortunately I had a pretty bad binge yesterday. Trying to get back on track today. I was somewhat triggered by a picture my friend took of me and another friend...yesterday morning the three of us went on a short hike down to some falls, and the pool near the top falls looked clear and cool so we ditched some clothes and went in. I just had my sports bra and shorts, and it was a lot of fun, but later I saw the picture and was kind of sad about it. Argh. Anyway I ended up bingeing late... Sun, 2 Jun 2013 17:01:42 EST Using skills again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5373775 Ok I am right in the midst of an urge and had just started to binge, but I obviously had some speck of awareness/control since I'm here. I asked myself "do I really want to do this again?" and stopped. The first thing I thought of was to come here and start writing a blog to distract. <BR> <BR> ...I got distracted from this and decided to try and take care of some of my small tasks that I needed to do today instead since that was also a way to distract from the urge. I made some calls, and i... Fri, 31 May 2013 14:56:45 EST Slip up and checking in http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5372076 Unfortunately I ended up messing up and bingeing yesterday and then again today. They weren't the worst binges ever, but definitely way past overeating in terms of volume and feeling out of control (like goodbye entire box of cookies and then some). Even worse is that I can pick out something that likely made me more vulnerable and which I could have prevented by taking better care of myself - I was tired. I recognized I felt really tired during both binges and I know the past two nights I've... Thu, 30 May 2013 00:06:01 EST Before the start of a new week http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5369932 Well, I made it through Memorial Day weekend, and now I have that new short-term goal of at least trying to fit into the dress better. I know I won't be able to fit into it like I had a few years ago, but some improvement will be better than nothing! <BR> <BR> I recently also had a reminder that the extra weight is not good for my running - my shin splint started coming back on Thursday, and my hip/knee started to hurt again after my longer run on Saturday. I was talking to one of my running... Tue, 28 May 2013 01:55:17 EST Oof http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5368716 So my mom *just* asked me to check if this dress I had gotten maybe 4 years ago still fits because it would be a nice one to wear to my sister's graduation on June 14. I told her that I didn't know; that was about 15 lbs ago. She asked me to check just in case. Well, I can get it into it, but it's pretty tight... Hm. That made me kind of sad. At best I could try and lose like 6 lbs by that time with 2 lbs/week max, but that seems unlikely as so far I haven't had success at that rate. Well, ma... Sun, 26 May 2013 20:37:27 EST Long weekend! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5368686 Happy Memorial Day weekend, SparkFriends! It's a happy summery holiday, but I don't forget why we have it...I have friends who know those who have died in service. <BR> <BR> I'm really happy that I can relax a bit. I pushed hard last week to get as much as I could done research-wise since Thursday was the last meeting with my advisor before he leaves for 2 weeks. We had an ok meeting and then I gave myself a little break (which is still continuing through today)! <BR> <BR> Despite how busy ... Sun, 26 May 2013 20:01:22 EST Sunday... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5361529 I have just a few minutes before my friend is supposed to arrive for dinner so this may be quick! <BR> <BR> Unfortunately I didn't do too well with the unstructured time yesterday, but so far today has been ok even though I haven't gotten much work done. For some reason today I've been completely exhausted...I went to try an orienteering event the first half of the day with another friend, and felt winded just walking around less than a mile! I'm not really sure what's up with that, but it k... Sun, 19 May 2013 21:11:06 EST Finally back http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5358747 WHEW. It feels like it's been forever since I was able to check in here...I'm not even sure where to start catching up! <BR> <BR> Maybe I should start with the present first. I'm really glad I'm back here; there are a slew of vulnerabilities I'm facing today, and I was *this* close to bingeing when I got home instead of coming to SparkPeople. This morning I skipped my run to sleep in because I was so stressed about meeting my advisor, because I hadn't done much since our last meeting due to ... Thu, 16 May 2013 15:48:01 EST Bit of catch up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5345766 Oops, forgot to come back here yesterday and post my goal updates. <BR> <BR> May Goals (May 3, yesterday) <BR> + At least one mindful meal a day. <BR> - Food log. <BR> + No bingeing. <BR> <BR> May Goals (May 4, today) <BR> +At least one mindful meal a day. <BR> + Food log. <BR> - No bingeing. <BR> <BR> Sigh. Ok well, I kind of know why I binged this morning. I was feeling really indecisive and anxious about whether or not I should go on run (I ended up skipping it) and time constraints... Sat, 4 May 2013 23:23:57 EST Using skills http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5344675 Ok, I've kind of been struggling with cravings all day. I know they're cravings and not hunger because I asked myself if I would want to eat something else other than what I was thinking of, and my answer was no. <BR> <BR> After lunch I started to feel cravings again, but this time I gave in. And I didn't just have a little, I overate by at least a whole meal. So now I'm here feeling a bit panicky, indecisive about whether I'm going to give in to the all-or-nothing thinking and make it worse... Fri, 3 May 2013 18:58:06 EST Back on Track! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5343895 May Goals <BR> - (1/31) At least one mindful meal a day. <BR> + (2/31) Food log. <BR> + (1/31) No bingeing. <BR> <BR> So exhausted but I am back on track with no bingeing. Unfortunately I couldn't pry myself away from doing more than one thing at a time, so I did not have my mindful meal for the day. I'll try again tomorrow. <BR> <BR> My meeting with my advisor this morning went far better than expected...I am so glad I decided to meet and ask one little question (it turned into more dis... Fri, 3 May 2013 01:20:32 EST Day 1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5342686 May Goals <BR> + (1/31) At least one mindful meal a day. <BR> + (1/31) Food log. <BR> - (0/31) No bingeing. <BR> <BR> Ok, so there's the format I'll follow. I actually had a bad day but I forced myself to come here and be honest. Unexpected stuff came up at work today (extended meeting I didn't plan on, and catered food) and I did not handle it well. I'm feeling disappointed but as usual I need to just move on. I know part of what made me vulnerable today was a really poor night of sleep las... Thu, 2 May 2013 00:16:16 EST Time for new goals? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5341428 Oh my gosh does time FLY!! <BR> <BR> Well SparkFriends, I'm a little disappointed to report that one aspect of my progress - weight loss (or heck, even maintenance! when did I consistently start weighing over 130??) - has been going miserably. I think there was a period a month ago where I did see the scale go down a bit, but for the most part I'm still hovering around 134-137 lb range, despite several good binge-free streaks. In fact, I had a 6 day one which I broke on Sunday, but I'm back ... Wed, 1 May 2013 00:36:02 EST A little discouraged but still motivated http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5335527 My meeting with my advisor this morning was a bit discouraging. It was more like our meetings used to be, with me being too stupid to contribute anything and him being kind of vague (or so it seems to me anyway). At the end he said "just keep trying things"... <BR> <BR> So, this makes me feel somewhat disappointed in how things are going and myself most of all, but I'm still motivated to try my best. I have a lot of negative thoughts going through my head though. The "I'm never going to make... Thu, 25 Apr 2013 17:06:53 EST Little slip up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5334750 Ok, I just overate again. It was just a little though; I'm fighting the all-or-nothing thoughts. Frustrating since I know it was due to a craving and absolutely not hunger. It's annoying that what I ate didn't even satisfy the craving; it's another one of those mystery cravings where I can't even think of what it is that would stop it. <BR> <BR> I refuse to binge though, despite all this frustration and feeling like I now messed up and overate for the second time today (that generally makes ... Wed, 24 Apr 2013 23:22:09 EST This week so far http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5334441 Still having some trouble with overeating, but I am happy to report that I did not binge Monday or Tuesday, and am aiming for yet another binge-free day today. I'm feeling a little vulnerable right now so I'm checking in here... <BR> <BR> I did end up overeating again today, but usually that's a sign that I need to take a step back and make sure I'm not going on autopilot. Someday I'll be able to catch it earlier, but for now, I'm glad that I caught it before turning it into a binge, and tha... Wed, 24 Apr 2013 17:52:07 EST Yikes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5328949 I knew it felt like a long time since I've been here! The week has been busy, and I've only done so-so. Unfortunately I am off track with my May 10th goal; for the first two weeks I was on target, but I am hovering around 134-136 lbs with no sign of it budging (and no real expectations for it to do so as I have binged a few times). <BR> <BR> Anyway, I'm here since Thursday is my meeting with my advisor and so I feel a bit more relaxed after that. <BR> <BR> I made my emergency list of skills... Fri, 19 Apr 2013 17:38:37 EST Indecision http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5322069 Started feeling very indecisive and anxious and ended up overeating pretty seriously and having a strong urge to go to buy more binge food. Presently I'm fighting that urge and hoping to wait it out by distracting myself with the internet, coming here to check in, looking at my calendar reminder (if I make it through today I'll have 4 binge-free stickers in a row), and reminding myself of my May 10 camping trip goal. I want to be in better shape by then to maximize my opportunities to run/hik... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 18:57:33 EST This is how I saw it http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5321398 Just something I forgot to mention earlier for a little humor! <BR> <BR> One thing that helped me to be more positive during my run as I was being irked by my stomach was this: I imagined that I was my "usual" self, only carrying a 10-15 lb. pack for extra training (there are actually races I've participated in that have divisions like this...one division for normal runners, and one division for those rucking 30 lbs/or 50 lbs for female/male). <BR> <BR> So whatever, it's just an extra tra... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 00:36:11 EST I came here to complain but I will end this on a positive note http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5321126 Ok, I'm sure many people have experienced this, but it is bugging the heck out of me right now and I need to vent. I am so far on day 3 of not bingeing, and I feel way fatter than usual. <BR> <BR> It could be water retention, it could be all in my head (we all have our good days and bad days, and I recognize that when I'm not in a good mood, I totally perceive myself as bigger), but whatever it is, damn you freaking brain and body, cut it out! By the way, the therapy group voice in my head i... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 18:05:30 EST AHHRGH http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5316510 I fought hard today but I messed up big-time. It really does wear you down. I tried to take a nap but it was unsatisfactory and I still felt really beat up when I woke up. I thought "ok, screw this, I'm just going to force myself to get out of my apartment and go to a coffeeshop to work", and basically treated it like the end of some endurance event. I pushed to overcome physical fatigue. I had to - I can't sleep away half a day. I can't just waste time when my advisor actually made some effo... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 22:49:35 EST Post-weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5316175 Well, my weekend was a mix of good and bad. At least it wasn't all bad. On Saturday morning I went surfing with my friend, and on Sunday morning I went on a hike with another friend, so the mornings were fun! Unfortunately I ended up bingeing later in the evening on both days... I haven't been sleeping too well so I suspect being tired is putting me at more risk. <BR> <BR> On Sunday evening I met up with a friend I haven't seen in years; we reconnected since I saw she was going to Russia for... Mon, 8 Apr 2013 17:32:54 EST Very busy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5312795 Happy Friday SparkFriends! I had an unusual but good meeting with my advisor yesterday so I am feeling optimistic, motivated and hopeful today. <BR> <BR> I've had an up-and-down week (messed up Monday and Wednesday), and have gotten miserably behind on any kind of tracking of skills, gratitudes, etc. but at least things are ok at this moment. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive. <BR> <BR> + I had a good dinner with a friend I haven't seen since the muddy rainy race in December. We had a great time ... Fri, 5 Apr 2013 15:30:46 EST Didn't feel like a new start today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5307970 Today has been a huge struggle, probably because it just started out with me being in a weird/sad/stressed/disconnected (complicated) mood. <BR> <BR> On the bright side, I had a great weekend. My two close friends and I went up to the mountains and did a one-night backpacking trip, with the possibility of having to camp in the snow, which is something I've never done before. Fortunately one friend had gone snow camping when he was young, and also did more of it in the military, so he helped ... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 19:36:07 EST Argh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5303102 Ok, so I ended up bingeing late last night, and I'm not even sure why. I totally zoned out and was already shovelling food by the time I even realized what I was doing... Anyway, new day, new start. Every day is a new chance to get back on track, and I will fight to do that today and to stay mindful. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive. <BR> <BR> + Even though I woke up feeling really guilty and wanting to isolate, I had made plans to run with my friend so that got me out. I felt tons better afterwa... Thu, 28 Mar 2013 10:53:37 EST Fighting! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5302313 I'm happy to report that yesterday I made it through the day without bingeing. I had that one incident yesterday that I wrote about where I started to, but managed to stop myself, and that was it. <BR> <BR> Today I also overate and then started to binge, but again managed to stop myself by positive self talk and thinking about the long-term rather than the immediate discomfort and urge. It was an accident that I was by myself with a whole bag full of fresh bagels (haha if you've read my past... Wed, 27 Mar 2013 17:41:05 EST One off day, but getting back on track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5301058 Ok, so I ended up bingeing yesterday, but the previous time was the Tuesday the week before, so I made it just shy of a week, which is pretty good. Giving myself to the top of the hour to blog a bit. <BR> <BR> During the binge I wasn't really paying attention to what I was feeling or why I was doing it (I guess if it gets that far that's generally how it goes) but I had been having some pretty intense feelings of thinking of the past again, specifically my ex. Two years ago in March his flir... Tue, 26 Mar 2013 17:03:16 EST Having a moment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5298755 Ok, I noticed I'm feeling really weirdly emotional and vulnerable and decided to come here again. I'm glad I didn't automatically start eating. On the contrary, I think I need to stop feeling weird before I have dinner...my heart feels kind of tight and my breath is kind of shallow. Trying to take some deep breathes as I'm writing this. <BR> <BR> Today has been good so far. But, about an hour ago I was working on research stuff at a boba tea shop, and suddenly had this wave of panic and frus... Sun, 24 Mar 2013 21:52:28 EST Yes. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5297646 Ok, first I'm just going to say that I'm having a craving/urge right now (I checked in and am definitely not physically hungry because it's specific sweet stuff that I want to eat and not anything else) I'm glad that I managed to think clearly enough to figure out this option of blogging before giving in, or aimlessly fighting an urge with sheer willpower, which doesn't usually work when the urge has been going on as long as it has been without subsiding. It's one of those really annoying, re... Sat, 23 Mar 2013 21:38:17 EST