KONOHA-NIN's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KONOHA%2DNIN KONOHA-NIN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Trying to get back on track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5129062 It's amazing how fast the week went by. I just did not make the time to check in here...part of it was being very busy, but part of it was also because I was super stressed and had more rough days than usual. I got sucked into the bingeing cycle and just didn't even feel like addressing it. <BR> <BR> The big stressor was a meeting with my advisor AND another visiting prof yesterday. For the whole week leading up to this I was on edge and almost shutting down from stress, despite being really... Fri, 9 Nov 2012 00:09:51 EST November! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5121021 This could be an exceptionally challenging month with Thanksgiving at the end, but I am going to try my hardest to stay on track. It feels funny that it's now November; I somehow don't feel the change in months like I did last month. I think for this month I am going to keep up with trying to stay positive, and noting my small accomplishments towards my goal. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive. <BR> <BR> + Instead of continuing to be grumpy that I can't run, I got on my stationary bike and rode, ev... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 02:02:13 EST Still behind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5119724 Ok it's past bedtime again... <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 31. <BR> <BR> + I let myself relax today. I went to yoga even though I didn't get any work done, since I thought it might help to just do something calming rather than getting worked up and more frustrated because I haven't been able to focus on work. <BR> <BR> + Even though I binged early in the day and then overate again later in the evening, I'm letting it go. Somehow I need to start over. The past few days have just been ro... Thu, 1 Nov 2012 00:44:14 EST Bad anxiety day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5118617 I messed up today at night after fighting all day... sigh. At least I made it as far as I could. Anyway, here I am, trying to cram this in again before an already-too-late bedtime. I had planned to get to sleep early but this did not happen. I cannot believe it is the end of October tomorrow. How time flies! I'm really, really grateful I got an appointment with student health today (!!!!!), and that the doctor thinks it may just be sore from the repeated pounding, probably not anything as ser... Wed, 31 Oct 2012 02:18:38 EST Made it through http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5117465 Another really quick entry before bedtime... Today was kind of blah. Work was tedious and I wanted it to be over, while it wanted to drag on and torture me. I'm quite bummed because my left foot is very sore, to the point where I'm limping - unless it feels totally well, this means no run tomorrow morning, for with my big race coming up on Dec. 1, I cannot take any chances with injuries. I hope to check in with a sports doctor at student health as soon as possible (which may be a while, given... Tue, 30 Oct 2012 01:27:50 EST Urgh getting behind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5116255 Getting behind, but fortunately it is because I have been busy, not that I'm avoiding posting due to failures that I don't want to admit. Have to go to sleep really soon or I will be sorry tomorrow, so this will be quick. Hopefully I can get back to making time to do this blogging more regularly soon. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 27 (Saturday/yesterday). <BR> <BR> + Treated myself to a pair of pants that I've been wanting for a while, but had a hard time spending the money on. <BR> <BR>... Mon, 29 Oct 2012 01:14:22 EST Trying to catch up and then keep up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5114196 This week was just so busy. It was crunch time at work for a project for the big boss, and then on the school side, I forced myself to meet with my advisor this week as well, which meant a major buildup of stress. I haven't had a great two days (when I didn't post here - part of the reason was because I was so busy, part of the reason was because I just didn't want to admit how poorly I felt I was doing), but I'm feeling better today, so I'm ready to try and get back on track again! I'll see ... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 22:34:30 EST Improvement http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5110688 It's past my bedtime, so I have to make this entry relatively quick although a lot went on today... It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't pretty, but overall it's improvement. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 23. <BR> <BR> + This morning I woke up and I read my e-mail...my ex (who I still occasionally keep in touch with over e-mail) had written a not-so-nice response to my answer as to why I was stressed. I thought to myself "You're so stupid, you knew his response would probably be somewhat hurt... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 01:10:25 EST Just felt like expressing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5110312 my gratitude for my SparkFriends here. To everyone who has commented to let me know they can relate, encouraged me, offered support, reminded me people care, let me know I'm not alone, shared helpful articles with me...THANK YOU. I plan on writing more later, but I just felt this so strongly today that I wanted to write this right now... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 19:00:46 EST Every moment is a chance to make a change... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5107779 I usually have a hard time "starting over" part-way through a day, as if my unit of measurement is a full day, but there are rare times when I can realize that each and every moment is a chance to start over if I make a mistake...today was one of those days. <BR> <BR> This morning it was raining, so I didn't for for my scheduled short run. Since I missed that, I went to yoga instead, but the whole time I was struggling with intrusive thoughts about what I should be doing, what I needed to do... Sun, 21 Oct 2012 23:15:46 EST Still trying to catch up! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5106486 So busy... Messed up yesterday but ended the day well. Today so far has been better. It is ridiculous how fast I forget little positives throughout a day if I don't write them here, so I hope not to get too behind. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 19 (yesterday). <BR> <BR> + I ended up bingeing yesterday. "Wow, you binged 3 times this week so far. You've probably undone any progress that you made. You're so weak and such a failure. You deserve to be fat and miserable if you keep bingeing lik... Sat, 20 Oct 2012 22:12:13 EST My rollercoaster week continued... (catch up from yesterday) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5104863 Yesterday was so bad. So, so bad, and I forgot to post. I just completely gave up. The day started off great, but things just went downhill after I got home from work. Billing errors to deal with on my school account (somehow I owe an additional $600 by today, and my tuition went up mysteriously since the last time I checked my account and I got no notification of this) and then I finally checked my student evaluation...my advisor and committee members all said I need to show improvement. I k... Fri, 19 Oct 2012 11:26:33 EST Getting by http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5103234 Here I am, rushing this so I can try and get enough sleep again, but I think it's important that I keep this up. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 17. <BR> <BR> + I was really efficient working today. <BR> <BR> + When I got really stressed out over wasting 2 hours having to deal with a mysterious charge on a bill when I was supposed to be spending time on research, I started to feel the urge to binge. I wasn't going to go to yoga today because of this additional wasted time, but I realized i... Thu, 18 Oct 2012 00:57:13 EST Down and up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5102017 So much to do!! <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 16. <BR> <BR> + Because I didn't really get enough sleep last night, I woke up and was debating about whether to go run or not when I saw a text from one of my buddies. He said he was getting there early to do a little warm-up before the rest of the group arrived (I usually do this too) and that made the decision for me. I hustled and got out there to meet him. I was so glad I did. Granted, I was a bit tired, but that run with the gang always ... Wed, 17 Oct 2012 00:19:26 EST Tired http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5100694 After a busy weekend I was exhausted today. I decided to give myself a rest day, but I ended up messing up. I know that being so tired made me vulnerable and yet I still wasn't careful enough. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 15. <BR> <BR> + I had one last piece of my leftover birthday cake, and then did not take it back home with me as a precaution. <BR> <BR> + I let myself have time to write back some e-mails to my friend and relax. <BR> <BR> + I'm recognizing a lot of factors that led t... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 23:56:36 EST Blogging to distract http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5099311 Ok, I'm basically in the middle of an urge to binge right now. I just overate fairly significantly at dinner and then started in on my leftover birthday cake, and ate about 1/4 of it. My brain is kind of locked on with wanting to eat the rest of it, but I'm trying to distract by writing here instead; hopefully this will help me wait out the urge. <BR> <BR> I'm not even sure what triggered the overeating at dinner. This may sound lame, but part of me just somehow didn't want to end up having ... Mon, 15 Oct 2012 00:16:56 EST Good day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5098207 Staying Positive, Day 13. <BR> <BR> + Happy run this morning. <BR> <BR> + Good time with friends seeing the animals...I was relaxed and occupied, so did not have any overeating. <BR> <BR> + Dinner with my parents went well - it was a belated birthday dinner for me. Slightly anxious about overeating, but was really happy with my food and I thoroughly enjoyed it, so it was fine. I have not had swordfish in SO LONG and it was sooooo good. <BR> <BR> + After dinner we went back and had cake, i... Sun, 14 Oct 2012 00:55:37 EST Going to start again tomorrow... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5097075 Ouch. I blew it again today, and I'm not even really sure why... I guess I'll think about it now. Maybe I was stressed because I started bingeing in the morning, and then even after I managed to stop for about 2 hours, I STILL felt like bingeing after 2 hours of trying to hold off. Then I went to run an errand, trying to reset my surroundings, etc. and after the errand I STILL felt like bingeing. <BR> <BR> In therapy they used to say that no really strong urge or feeling will last for 2 hour... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 23:30:19 EST Easing into being back on track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5095975 I'm so happy it's finally raining some this evening! The dance performance tonight was great. The movements, the lighting, and the music were all beautiful and I really enjoyed it. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 11. <BR> <BR> + I got up and ran this morning even though I initially didn't feel like it as I was still being affected by yesterday's awfulness. By the end of the run, I was so, so glad I went, and felt like I could start over. I even saw a rainbow over the ocean... <BR> <BR> + E... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 01:21:41 EST Ugh http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5094696 Messed up today in the worst way. I guess the past two days whittled away at me; I could only hold out for so long. Don't even want to write about it as it was just a blur of giving up on the whole day. Sigh. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 10. <BR> <BR> + I went to yoga in the evening even though it was pretty close to after a full-out binge and I felt like crap. At least I felt a bit better afterwards, but it was uncomfortable because I was so full. <BR> <BR> + Before things went bad, I ... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 23:41:45 EST Hmm http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5093348 I'm really not sure what's been up these past two days. I've had REALLY bad bread cravings...it's been all I can do to try and keep it to a "reasonable" amount and not binge. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 9. <BR> <BR> + I once again ignored the leftover bagels at work (they are still there, and boy, when I want to binge, I do not discriminate at all! I will eat bagels that have been in the refrigerator for a week... I'll just toss those suckers in the microwave and go to town, so it's not... Tue, 9 Oct 2012 22:52:08 EST Getting back up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5091982 Wow, so yesterday ended in totally blowing it with a full-out binge where I actually went and bought more binge food. On the positive side, last week was one of my best weeks overall. Anyway, moving on... I always get paid back nicely the day after a full-out binge with all the extra guilt. Ugh. <BR> <BR> I can't remember if I mentioned it before, but I enrolled in a wellness class at school. It meets once a week for 8 weeks, and I attended my second class today. With it, we all get a fitnes... Mon, 8 Oct 2012 22:25:32 EST Finding motivation... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5090140 I had a rough start today so I plan on checking in at SparkPeople as often as I need to today to try to stay motivated. <BR> <BR> Last night I managed not to full-out binge. I had started a binge, and was seriously considering continuing the binge to a full-out one, raiding my refrigerator for whatever else was in there just to make myself sick, but I stopped myself. Giving up and going over even more to punish myself is not a solution, especially because my goal is to try and practice stopp... Sun, 7 Oct 2012 15:08:06 EST Relax Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5089431 I hope it isn't too early to say this, as there are still a few hours left (look at the pessimist in me!) but today was a good day. I had a great run with the group in the morning, took care of some grocery shopping and chores, got a massage, and am just taking it easy. <BR> <BR> Edit: Messed up a bit after writing this. Binged half-way but managed to stop when I got to the point where further bingeing would actually be with the intention of making myself sick. <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, D... Sat, 6 Oct 2012 22:08:50 EST No walk in the park http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5088456 I was in pretty good spirits today. There were definitely some challenges to overcome throughout the day...but I am happy to report that I did it! <BR> <BR> Staying Positive, Day 5. <BR> <BR> + I bought bagels impulsively while at the market this morning (which I only went to because I was going to get my hair cut, and didn't realize they opened an hour after I thought they did - so what became a bagel challenge was initially nowhere in my plan for today), BUT I made the decision to buy 2 s... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 22:59:10 EST Another day down! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5087333 Staying Positive, Day 4. <BR> <BR> + I started to binge, but tried to remind myself of all the reasons not to give in and make it worse. <BR> <BR> + I reached out and connected with a fellow grad student who also had a lot of the same issues as I did (am). Being nearly "on the chopping block", being called into the grad vice chair's office and being questioned as to whether we really want to continue, because we're not showing good progress, etc. It made me feel better, and realize I'm NOT ... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 01:26:11 EST I made it http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5085289 I'm already a bit stressed out (it's 10:30am) and am going to start writing some positive things now since I need to distract and have a reality check. So this entry may be edited/added to throughout the day. <BR> <BR> Edit (9:00pm): Well, I made it! Third day of no bingeing. Hoping to keep this up and really work at my 1 binge max per week! I was browsing SparkPeople today to help me distract and remember my goals, and there is a lot to keep up with here. I really wish I had the time to sta... Wed, 3 Oct 2012 13:38:36 EST Ok day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5084537 Well, I'm winding down for the evening. I've basically made it! <BR> <BR> There's been another heat wave here so it doesn't quite feel like fall yet. However, that means it's not too late for me to share this fun quiz about fall that I've been meaning to do...I'll allow myself to take some time to answer it now. :) <BR> <BR> Fall Favorites <BR> <BR> 1. What are your favorite things about this time of year? <BR> The crisp, cool temperatures; the smell of fall in the air; holidays and fami... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 23:32:16 EST Starting October http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5083033 I just watched my SparkCoach program (I decided to continue with SparkCoach after my free trial 2 weeks, since I kind of liked it and thought it would be a good way for me to demonstrate commitment to myself) and the title was "Stop the Negative Self Talk" - how fitting for me today! Even though I am generally aware that I have a tendency to beat up on myself, there are so many times I do it and am not even aware of it in the moment. I've been struggling with overeating and have been on the v... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 22:24:49 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - End of the Month (and processing a bad day) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5081436 Well, it's the end of of the day, at the end of this month. I've finally gotten myself here to write; I've been avoiding it ever since really messing up today. Yesterday I binged, but it was on things I had already - I would say most of my binges these days are more of this type. <BR> <BR> But today was one of those go-out-and-buy-extra-binge-food days: buying and eating things that are deliberately unhealthy in quality even if I don't particularly crave them, and/or in quantities which shou... Mon, 1 Oct 2012 00:10:13 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Ten Facts http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5079648 I can't believe September is almost over. Where did the time go?! Hopefully I will be able to write more later, but for now I will share that I've been thinking about building on what I'm doing here and applying it to my research work. I need to get over my fear of failure and of being stuck, which is just shutting me down and hindering my progress (my advisor is extremely hands-off and there have been times where I have no contact with him for months, so I need to be able to do this on my ow... Sat, 29 Sep 2012 14:34:02 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Aspects of Wellness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5079095 I am so tired, but I need to post my blog! Thank you to all my Spark friends who have been so supportive of me - today, and since I've been here. I just want to say that it is so appreciated and helpful. <BR> <BR> <em>252</em> <BR> <BR> It was remembering a phrase ("eat it, own it, and move on") I saw in a fellow Sparker's blog post, seeing encouraging comments on my status, reading a few of your blog entries, and then motivational articles here that got me through a really intense urge... Sat, 29 Sep 2012 00:58:34 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Help Along the Way (and small successes today!) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5077867 First, I'm glad to report that today I did ok! I was nervous because of yesterday's big mess up, but I was able to make it through. Specifically I noticed two points where I actually was paying attention enough to make a (good) decision. The first was when I was driving home from work, finding myself craving bagels - maybe subconsciously protesting the fact that tomorrow I'm not going into work, and so will not have all those abundant free bagels! I thought about stopping by the market, but d... Fri, 28 Sep 2012 00:42:11 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Exercise in a Group of n=0,1,2,...? (and checking in for the day) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5076372 The day started out so promising, but I ended up bingeing when I got home from work...and then overeating at dinner (yeah...). I should have been paying more attention to how I was feeling instead of just spacing out and going on autopilot, which leads me right back to the old habits I'm trying to break. Afterwards I realized I did have a vague sense of being tired and frustrated from work, and nervous in anticipation of school starting again and the expectations I have for myself in making p... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 21:58:22 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Fitness Experiences http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5075165 I'm glad that today was a lot better. I once again felt productive at work, and only overate a bit; one of the times I noticed I was doing mindless eating while trying to multi-task, and the other time I just kind of ate more even though I was not hungry for no particular reason (habit? This one kind of baffles me whenever it happens - I didn't notice that it was out of stress or mindless eating). I kind of wish I could write more but I need to get to sleep soon...I really try to get at least... Wed, 26 Sep 2012 00:24:17 EST Just Venting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5073525 Ok I need to "therapy myself" again. Today hasn't been perfect, but I'm trying now to make sure it doesn't get worse. Instead of continuing to overeat I'm going to try to deal with my feelings here. Monday seemed to hate me today. I woke up basically having a panic attack because I had a dream where I was supposed to be teaching, but somehow misunderstood the start day, and ended up missing my first class; the department contacted me about an hour after my class was supposed to have ended, an... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 20:49:44 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Incorporation of Fitness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5073410 24. When did you incorporate fitness goals into your healthy lifestyle? (Before starting to lose weight, during weight loss, after goal weight, etc.) <BR> <BR> I've always been active...I loved biking, hiking, and various sports as a kid, played basketball all the way up to half of high school despite being so short, did a little martial arts in high school as well, then mostly continued with running after that, interpsersed with some martial arts, ballet, and rock climbing here and there. ... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 19:25:16 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Fitness Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5072337 I ended up overeating today, but part of it was not really out of anxiety or stress, but simply because I wanted to eat more. I spent the day with a friend I don't see often, and we had lunch and dinner together; I just didn't feel like limiting myself. Unfortunately, not too long ago, I did some late-night emotional overeating, but it wasn't a full out binge. So, today was not great, but it was not terrible. <BR> <BR> Here's my answer to the blog challenge question. <BR> <BR> 23. What are ... Mon, 24 Sep 2012 01:59:21 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Current Fitness Routine http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5070973 Spark Friends, I'm glad to report that today I mostly got back on track! This morning I got out and ran (it was beautiful and foggy early this morning), which really refreshed me even though I've been tired. I overate a little later in the day, but it wasn't too bad, and I managed to stop it by reminding myself that the day after a really bad mess up is usually the hardest - and I had a choice to stop it now even if it wasn't perfect, or possibly have two really bad days (and then have anothe... Sat, 22 Sep 2012 23:48:22 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Disordered Eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5069817 I messed up AGAIN today. And again, I don't even feel like talking about it...I'm just exhausted, disappointed, discouraged. I looked at my calendar (I give myself a smiley sticker each day I don't binge) and I hadn't binged since last Saturday. I almost made it a week. Well, tomorrow is a new day. I'm telling myself what I usually try to when I mess up - "do the next right thing". So I need to try and shake it off, get some rest, and get back on track tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Ok, and I will also... Fri, 21 Sep 2012 23:38:13 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Healthy Food! (and my Friday dilemma) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5068583 Before answering my blog challenge question, I think I will process a little before bedtime. I cannot believe it is September 20th already! Time has flown by. I started here on September 1st. So, it's almost been three weeks... <BR> <BR> I've done pretty well this week, after last Friday and Saturday's major derailment, but have been a little discouraged in some ways; the scale hasn't budged much (maybe I shouldn't be surprised...my binge days are bad enough to set me back a few lbs, and I s... Fri, 21 Sep 2012 00:23:28 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Anything to Give Up? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5066042 Morning blog post today! <BR> <BR> 19. What 'unhealthy' food(s)/drink(s) do you refuse to give up? Any that you have given up completely? <BR> <BR> There's nothing that I absolutely refuse to give up or have strictly given up that I can think of. I do try to limit certain "unhealthy" foods and drinks though - things like soda (diet or not), or really fake sugary and/or processed kinds of sweets. I like gummy candies. I don't have these things very often, but I guess I might refuse to give t... Wed, 19 Sep 2012 09:29:56 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - On the Go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5065700 Ok, quick entry tonight because I'm quite tired. There just aren't enough hours in a day! I'm really grateful today because, just as yesterday was inexplicably difficult, today seemed smooth and easy. This even includes the fact that I was too busy laughing and/or talking with my running buddies this morning while on the usual trails that I got taken out by this low, but very large tree branch. I'm short. I almost never have to duck to avoid these things, but today I ran into it and it sat me... Wed, 19 Sep 2012 00:41:42 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Repeat http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5064165 Today was rough for me because I woke up feeling anxious and stressed and had no idea why. This does happen to me every now and again, but it's always worse when there's no discernible reason for it, and that discomfort is really what drives the overeating/bingeing. At least I was aware of it. <BR> <BR> I was having major urges to overeat and buy more food at work, but I managed to pause, and checked in with how I was feeling and whether I was physically hungry or not - I wasn't. I ended up ... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 23:37:55 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Eating Plan? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5061992 Ok, unfortunately I ended up letting Friday ruin my Saturday as well (Saturday was miserable, and I did the full out "wallow in the fact that I messed up by hurting myself more, and isolate myself so I can't even get support because I don't deserve it anyway" deal again), BUT I think I managed to turn things around today. <BR> <BR> Today hasn't been perfect - I did mess up a bit earlier, but stopped and asked myself if I really wanted to let this go into yet another bad day of feeling discou... Sun, 16 Sep 2012 18:37:10 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Catch Up (and Friday report) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5060106 Yesterday (Friday) I had a rough day. I started the day off right, and was feeling ok about making progress at work, but I wasn't able to practice self-control when it came to those bagels at work. Bagels are one of my favorite foods, and it's been SO hard to not just go for them one after another, especially when I can easily eat 8+. Anyway, by the sixth one I told myself (actually I told myself this at several points along the way) I didn't have to continue and make it worse, I could stop t... Sat, 15 Sep 2012 09:00:06 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Hard Lifestyle Changes http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5058187 Well, I made it through the good part of another day! I overate a little, and have been feeling slight urges to overeat more even though I'm not physically hungry, but I still feel like I'm doing better in general. I can't believe it's almost Friday already. <BR> <BR> I'm anxious about tomorrow. I know it's going to be stressful because I have my one-on-one meeting with my boss on Fridays, our reports are always due on Fridays, and it's also bagel day. I'm trying to think of how to plan ahea... Thu, 13 Sep 2012 20:59:35 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Inspiration http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5056961 First of all, today I'm proud of myself. I started to have a (not pre-portioned or planned) snack when I got home from work, which led to me eating more, but before it escalated too badly, I was able to realize that I was confusing tiredness with hunger. I was right on the verge of continuing it into a binge because I already started overeating, but I challenged my black-and-white thinking and reminded myself to "do the next right thing". I updated my status here for accountability, and left ... Wed, 12 Sep 2012 23:56:18 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Catching Up! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5055347 Oops, missed a day! Yesterday was very busy and I was pushing hard to try to get a lot of work done. I've got major stress about one of my projects that I'm assigned to at my internship/work, since I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. I really missed writing here though, so today I'm giving myself whatever's left of the evening to catch up with blog writing and reading (what a treat this feels like!). <BR> <BR> 10. Why are you working towards the goal you talked about on Day 1? Particu... Wed, 12 Sep 2012 00:16:18 EST 30 Day Blog Challenge - Changes in Perspective http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5051756 Today went well, for the most part. I did overeat a bit out of anxiety over my research, but I tried really hard to remember to stay motivated, and did not let it get any worse than that. Overall I'd say that was a good weekend. <BR> <BR> Here's my blog entry for today. <BR> <BR> 9. How old are you and do you think your thoughts about weight loss, fitness, and wellness have changed over time? <BR> <BR> I am 27 now. For brevity, I'll focus on my thoughts on wellness. The concept of wellness... Sun, 9 Sep 2012 22:56:03 EST