KMACINLOVE's SparkPeople Blog KMACINLOVE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Almost losing it... Very confused over what exactly I am to do. Getting mixed messages about what the plan of action is. Being put in very uncomfortable situations. Have to work the floor on 2nd and third shifts when there are holes. Insomnia is a problem. Saw my psychiatrist who gave me more ativane to get to sleep with. I will take it day by and we will see how it all turns out. I want to please my boss but they may have over estimated my ability to accomplice all they want done. Please keep me in your though... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 01:47:09 EST It has been over a month. It has been over a month since I last said hello. I do truly miss my spark friends. Quite overwhelmed. Feeling the pressure to get certified in MDS and Wound Care ASAP. I am going to take the wound care certification in 3 weeks. I have been working so much. Trying to keep the wound program on track. I am also having to work the floor. So there doesn't seem to be much time for studying. I am being asked that I take the bull by the horns in the MDS program which is controlled by an LPN and make... Wed, 2 Jul 2014 01:06:31 EST Hi, again Hi again. I hope all is well with my spark friends. Right in the middle of a 3 day seminar. Working almost every day it seems. I like what I am doing but it seems to be rough on my health. I have not been able to concentrate on my spark people activities like I used to . You would think that all this work I would be losing weight but I don't think that is the way it works. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Wed, 28 May 2014 22:08:31 EST Kinda of overwhelmed... Kinda of overwhelmed right now....trying my very best...don't get the feeling that it is fast enough....please keep me in the thoughts. Keith Sat, 17 May 2014 23:32:06 EST I can't believe it's May 7th. I cannot believe it's May7th already. Much to tell. I miss you all very much. I am working almost everyday. It's amazing, exciting, scary and tiring. I know how important spark people is and look forward to devoting more time to it. But I am on a steep learning curve and have to sit for 2 certifications in the next 3 months. And I just don't want to mess up. Wish me luck. Again I miss you all. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Wed, 7 May 2014 23:12:48 EST Kinda of difficulty right now..... Kinda of tuff right now being pulled to the floor everyday and doing really long shifts. But I am very loyal to my job will do the best I can one day at a time. They are so incredibly generous and kind to me. Cheers, Keith Sun, 27 Apr 2014 01:30:41 EST It's starting..... Things are moving very fast at work. I was called in for a meeting to discuss my new duties and guess what. I being taken off the floor Thursday. It is very very exciting. I will be the in house wound nurse and as time goes on I will be taken on my own subset of the MDS cases. And can you believe it, I am going for 3 days to Alliance at the end of May, then 3 days to Columbus for certification at MDS at the beginning of June, then for a full week here in Cleveland getting prepared to sit for ... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 03:51:09 EST Codependent I am still amazed at how I can be so codependent ( or maybe a better phrase in emotionally dependent) in my old age. Codependent in the sense that I let other people's moods influence how I feel about myself. I often mislabel their behavior as meaning that I have done something wrong. <BR> We got a new nurse. She has many years behind her as a nurse but it has been a long time since she was on the floor. She is quite talented in her ability to remember things at first sight. She is al... Mon, 21 Apr 2014 00:58:29 EST Had to make a change on my info page... Had to make a change on my info page....why?....because I am no longer 53yrs old. Just had a birthday on the 12th. Though it feels kind of strange to say that I am 54 years old I would not want to go back to my youth. There was too much pain there. Frankly, I am more settled at this age. More accepting of myself and life. Yes, we all experience losses as we grow older but we can take pride in our personal strength and growth. Sometimes I look back and the plans and hopes that I had when I was... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 23:03:59 EST Saw the doctor for the 1st time in 7 years Well, I had my doctor appointment. We both have more gray hair. He was very happy to hear about me being with spark people for the last year. He uses a similar site. Got my labs back and aside from high cholesterol and high blood pressure, I don't have diabetes. Now I am on cholesterol and BP meds, No problem. Gave me a Rx for Voltaren for general pain but it does not seem to work......tylenol works better. <BR> Things are happening faster at work then I thought. This wednesday I am dr... Mon, 14 Apr 2014 00:30:44 EST Study, study, and more study... Spent most of the day behind the computer studying an introduction into MDS nursing. Printed out the entire course, 75pages, and put it into a binder. Then downloaded instructional materials for the online computer software we are going to at work and put that into a binder. Did online tutorials. Doing the studying is taking away a little of the apprehension I have about my duties to come in the fall. I kind of got a feel of what it might be like to be at a desk all day or working from home. ... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 21:27:43 EST Getting over it. One little step that I took recently was to put a picture of myself on my blog. It took the longest time just to do this. I have been avoiding ( and still do) mirrors for years. But the first step was to allow a picture of my face. The only recent picture I had of my face was my driver's license picture and you know how those can be. So as I look at my picture each day I am starting to see more a interesting character, more acceptance, giving me insight into the true me. One of the facts th... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 04:32:00 EST 3 days off Just got home from work and now have three days off. Really my health should be the first thing on my agenda like riding my new bike. Also this wednesday I will be going in for a full workup because I have not been to doctors in years. I expect a lot of lab work , probably a diagnosis of diabetes. I will have to go on meds to get my cholesterol and Blood Pressure under control. This is an important part of my health plan and now that I have insurance I need to do it. I finally put up a photo... Sat, 5 Apr 2014 00:35:04 EST Cookies!! Went to work today. Intense as always but the shift started off with something that kind of upset me. All the nurses had received a note in their mailboxes reminding them of a particular issue and I took it to heart. And I knew I was overreacting. My thoughts just started to get the best of me. I was thinking the worst. And it all turned out to be nothing. But my point being that the whole time that I was upset I was eyeing the girl scouts cookies in the break room. Man did I want sweets. B... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 01:40:43 EST Inch by inch, step by step.... With the intensity of work in the last 2 months I had gotten out of my health habits of swimming, journaling, tracking,...but inch by inch and step by step I am making it back. Trying to remind myself daily of the importance of these activities. Yes I got sidelined, but I am getting back there. The tragedy would really be if I stopped and gave up. So slowly but surely I am trying to put my best foot forward. Cheers. Keith <img src=""> <BR... Sun, 30 Mar 2014 14:48:16 EST Counting my blessings....the adventure continues... Thanks everyone for your kind comments about my last blog. It really made me feel good. <BR> <BR> So here I am at around 4am in the morning, got home about 1/2hour ago from work. An 8hour shift turned into a 12hour shift. But that's Ok because they treat me so well. Anywho,...I'm sitting here at my computer, kinda of in a good mood because I worked so hard and was so productive at work. I just occurs to me that I am so fortunate. (You know research says that counting ones blessing tends... Fri, 14 Mar 2014 04:03:24 EST Anything worth doing.... Coming up on a year with spark people. Initially, the first thought that came to my mind was "what a failure, I should be 70lbs thinner by now". But the more I thought about it the more I was kind of happy that my progress is the way it is. Yes, I have not lost 70lbs but I have done one thing that I have not ever done before. And that is, I stuck with it....I tracked my food, journaled, excetera.... and this was a hard year with all the job changes. Then I remembered when I was a musician. I ... Mon, 10 Mar 2014 03:43:10 EST Trust yourself At my present age of 53yr, I am consistently amazed that life still has startling things to teach me. For example, It has been my experience throughout my work career to think that I wasn't good enough. In my 20s I thought that people older than me were examples of adult behavior. Through 2 careers I kept thinking that it was me that was wrong because my fellow workers were older and wiser. Unfortunately, my parents were not good examples of adult behavior. Now, finally, in my present job ... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 04:50:19 EST I'mmm back. Cannot believe I have not blogged in a while. Can't tell you how it happened. But the time has flown. We have some very challenging residents at work requiring a lot of extra work. Getting out late. I also have been given responsibilities concerning when our nursing documentation on the computer goes live. But I will not let my mental and physical health go by the wayside because it is so important. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 28 Feb 2014 01:30:01 EST Still no "meltdown" The last three days that I have gone to work I have gotten rather difficult admissions to the floor. Getting an admit with 24 other people to take care of can be really difficult. But I kept my cool and didn't have a meltdown. Boy was I in pain when I got home. But I am trying to stay in the moment and count my blessings.Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <img src=""> Sun, 16 Feb 2014 18:43:58 EST Didn't have a"meltdown " Got to work and walked into chaos, got an admit, drew blood, and walked tall and gave no one any reason to think that I was having a "meltdown". Bosses all happy with me. Smiles all round. The person that tried to throw me under the bus is "dead to me". But I am fine. Rather happy I should add. It was great to see all of my bosses smiling at me all at once. I said," I guess I am not in trouble because you all are smiling at me". They were on their way to a rather difficult family meeting an... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 03:52:28 EST Working smarter I have decided that working at an intense rate everyday at work is starting to burn me out. I need to stay under control and and keep an even smart pace which would be better for my residents and myself. I still give of myself and my compassion but I need to slow down a bit in order to stay mentally and emotionally healthy. I will let you know how it goes. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <img src=" Tue, 11 Feb 2014 12:48:00 EST Working better Took your advice and am trying to slow down at work and take a lunch and feel much better today. Thanks, Keith <img src=""> Sat, 8 Feb 2014 12:14:44 EST I am beginning to understand I am beginning to understand why I find it so difficult to put exercise into my days off. 2 things. The amount of activity I do at work age. Before I became a nurse or when I am between jobs it was relativity easy to go for walks or other forms of exercise almost every day. But overall as a nurse I spend almost all of the time on my feet moving. This is very true of my present job. From the moment I get it to just before I leave I am standing/moving. Maybe not aerobically, but ... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 22:57:11 EST Intelligence is sexy Just had the last 2 days off. So yesterday I jumped to it and cleaned the house, did the laundry, and in a blizzard of productivity did all of my taxes, federal, state, and city. Went out and bought a Keurig Coffee/Tea/Hot chocolate maker, Yah!!. And just got finished shoveling the snow and talking to my brother on the phone for 3 hours. My computer is working really well so I am very happy about that. Then I got to thinking about how it is going to be almost a year that I have been on spark ... Wed, 5 Feb 2014 00:36:26 EST Finally. Finally I am getting over this flu thing that I have had for about a week. Going into work on dayquil was no fun. Coughing all the time and and sounding like a frog. In any other job I would have called off with the flu, but I wanted to have a perfect record. Last night, after the week from hell I really wanted to call off and almost did except when I got my messages from the day I found out that they were letting me stay home so I could come in on Sunday. (No one wanted to work on Super Bow... Mon, 3 Feb 2014 01:02:24 EST Thanks so much.. Thank you so much for all of your kind comments. Went into work today and found out that the "medical professional" that could not see the forest for the trees and caused the utter chaos to begin with decided to tell my director of nursing that I had a "meltdown". During the hour and a half that I was sending 2 residents to the hospital, ( one to psych) floor for slugging staff, keeping staff from getting hurt, calling report, arranging transportation, preparing paperwork, notifying everyone,... Fri, 31 Jan 2014 03:27:10 EST How can I say this? How can I say this gently. I just had the day from hell at work. From the moment I got in I had to send a resident out to the hospital, and a few moments later had to send another resident to the hospital who was taking swings at staff. Well the good news is that it can't get worse. Frankly, getting a daily double like this is kinda of rare. You have your good periods and your hard periods. I am just glad to be home. Oh and did I tell you it is still cold as heck out there. Keep warm. Cheer... Wed, 29 Jan 2014 03:11:05 EST Couldn't wait. Was so nervous about being about getting out of the driveway for work that I got up around 3am and shoveled the drive. The snow was light but there was a lot more of it than before I went to bed. I pushed ahead and finally finished. Ran in and immediately took credit on spark people for the exercise. Whew! So now I can sleep peacefully knowing that I can get to work. That is unless a stealth bizzard comes through. Keep Warm. Keith <img src=" Sun, 26 Jan 2014 03:52:34 EST Brrrrr! 2 Yes it is getting cold again. I am sitting at my computer with a heavy robe on over my PJs and a blanket over my knees drinking hot tea counting my blessings. Unfortunately I have a bad cold and am taking dayquil to go to work so I don't have to call off. But happy enough. My computer is working better than it ever had so that is great because it is not an old computer. I have been put on the committee at work to put into place our computerized charting which will go online in 6 months but t... Thu, 23 Jan 2014 21:43:12 EST Computer had to be fixed Sorry I was away for such a long time but my computer was in the shop. Hi All. Cheers, Keith <em>334</em> Wed, 22 Jan 2014 12:34:42 EST Balancing your work life and your personal life. I started my present job in Sept of last year (2013) and then became full time at the beginning of November to the present. It is the very best and the most intense job I have every had in nursing. I really like it but it does take a mental and emotional toll on me. Unlike my previous jobs I have not called off at all at this one. It is mainly due to the great administration and the support that they give me and the fact that they do not make me work 2 days in a row ever. Even though my job ... Mon, 13 Jan 2014 02:21:10 EST I blew it. I was going along nicely than last night blew it and went way out of my calorie range. I tracked the overage intake regardless. I hope I can learn to think about these slip-ups the next time before I do it. Ah, but in the heat of battle. All is not lost. Keep moving on. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <img src=""> Sat, 11 Jan 2014 21:03:24 EST And still I am getting tested. As with each new job, I get tested by the nursing assistants to see how far I can be pushed. Today was a daily double. They got mouthy with me, and my cherub-like angelic demeanor changed to nurse diesel. Attempts to go tell on me ended with them both being sent straight out of the administrator's office without a hearing much to their disappointment. I really am the nicest guy in the world, but legally cannot let nursing assistants run the show as much as they would like to. So when boundari... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 03:50:03 EST Brrrrrrrr! I know I shouldn't be yapping about the temperature outside. It's 4am in the morning and it is -11 F with a wind chill of -33F. Especially because our spark friends up in Canada have it worse. But it was scary coming home from work tonight. My car was not having a good time of it. I just wanted to get home and in bed. Here in Ohio it has been a long time since we have had this cold of weather. It is supposed to be 45F on Thursday. Go figure. Seriously, I was nervous out there. Glad I don't ... Tue, 7 Jan 2014 04:05:56 EST The Future. In a few months I will have been with spark people about a year. Over that year there have been several big and small changes in my life all which have been written about in my blog or my journal. Now might be a good time for me to look over those writings to gleam some insight and prospective about myself and my holistic journey. Even though I didn't lose the amount of weight I wanted, I did change. And a issue that lasted all my life cannot be resolved in a year but worked on day by day, in... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 21:19:31 EST Counting my blessings. As I grow older I am constantly reminded to count my blessings. Even though getting older comes with difficulties of it's own. I find that I am no longer in race to achieve. I am at the age where I have given up some of the dreams of my youth such as becoming a noted musical composer, having a career in music, marriage, significant other, foreign travel. My parents are gone and I have only one brother but life has taken on a new prospective. In retrospect, I have realized that I was not made ... Thu, 2 Jan 2014 03:40:30 EST Happy New Year! Had a really nice day at work. Everyone was wishing all a happy new year. The residents had their new years count down in the afternoon with a live band. They have live music come in a lot. It's wonderful. Kind of a perk of the job you might say. I am really getting spoiled by this place. The resident's had veal parmesan for dinner. Nice. The smell of basil was in the air. Nice. <BR> <BR> I think that the testing phase of this job is over. I mean those that wanted to see how much c... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 01:21:12 EST Yeah, a better day Finished orienting the new RN. She seems to be sailing right along. Even finished her med pass before me. The young ones are putting me out to pasture. Just kidding. Had kind of an average day. Yeah. I like uneventful days once in a while. I also trying to get back in my groove of journaling, and tracking, and hopefully swimming. Got a really cool christmas present from my boss about St. Ignatian spirituality. Spirituality in whatever form is positive for mind, body, and soul. So, I am reall... Mon, 30 Dec 2013 01:46:31 EST There's always one, or two, or three Reminded by Joyfocus of the importance of work/life balance. Even though my job is nice there are people there that make me very uncomfortable to be around. I am very happy to be working every other day but the work/life balance can be a problem. Right now I have all of my emotional eggs in one basket. Stepping back and getting some prospective seems like a good next move for me. Happy Holidays. Keith <img src=""> <BR> <img src="http://p... Sun, 29 Dec 2013 12:24:03 EST Tis the season to be thankful It seems at every turn these days I am reminded of something to be thankful for. Even though I was a little sad over christmas due to having only one family member left. I enjoyed spending Christmas with my residents at work. I am truly fortunate to be able to work at the health facility I work at. And guess what, they told me I am now eligible for benefits. I had not planned on this because I don't work 40 hours/week. I work 3/4 time and I guess that is enough. I am so happy. So now I will ... Sat, 28 Dec 2013 00:35:38 EST Happy Holidays Hello Sparkfriends, hope you are having a nice holiday. I am sure if you are like me it's crazy this time of the year and I don't have anyone to buy for. But at work the holidays are in high gear. All the residents and all the families and all the food and all the candy. It is very hard to resist because their bringing in the really good know the kind I mean. My boss gave me Chocolate peppermint bark that was make at the shoppe right next door. The new RN that I am orienting... Thu, 26 Dec 2013 02:14:31 EST I tried Butted head with a co-worker at work today. He is a quasi- supervisor that lacks people skills and intimidated by RNs which he is not. Now I do not have a problem with criticism as long as it is done with tact and in private. I let him win his little battle but was pissed. Later he apologized to me. I just asked him in the future speak about concerns in private. Apparently the owner got win of his behavior and set him straight. I really don't try to get in the mix but I will stand up for mys... Mon, 16 Dec 2013 00:29:31 EST Heavy wet snow Had to get myself out of the house today to shovel the drive so that I could get to work tomorrow. I have a new snow blower but cannot seem to get it to work. Huh? Getting things back in order. Things have been pretty changeable what with figuring out what my job life is going to be.Work seemed to be settled down but intense, Healthly food is back in the house, And I am starting to journal again. Incidentally, I really never realized how helpful journaling can be to prioritizing your life's g... Sat, 14 Dec 2013 21:43:49 EST No junk in the house So I went to walmart after work last wednesday because I had nothing in the house to eat. And I bought only healthy food and I would not eat all at once. Like healthy raw trail mix from, oranges, bananas excetera. And it is working again. Yeah! Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <img src=""> Sat, 14 Dec 2013 01:27:49 EST Der Winter ist gekommen We in northeast Ohio are freezing. Just going from the house to the car is a major chore. Maybe I am just getting old. I don't have as much insolation as last year. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Thu, 12 Dec 2013 02:36:39 EST Too much temptation Still haven't mastered the idea of keeping foods out of the house that I might binge on. I do best when my house is clear of the tempting sugary foods. Back to eating a healthy trail mix. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Tue, 10 Dec 2013 22:12:41 EST Lifelong learning One of the joys of spark people are all of the articles and people to learn from. Learning has always been a joy for me, well maybe not Nursing Math. And I don't think that Statistics would be fun either. Ha! Anywho, There is this internet site called The Learning Company. They produce very high quality video of some of the nation's top professors teaching a university level course. They are produced in a studio not a noisy classroom. They come in a variety of formats from just audio which yo... Mon, 9 Dec 2013 01:18:47 EST Double the fun. Today I was given a brand new RN to orient and an LPN student to precept. Trying to keep track of my agenda for both of them was quite a task but I loved it. Cheers, Keith Sun, 8 Dec 2013 01:07:10 EST Trying to figure out how to make exercise a part of my life. When I was not working every other day I could find days to go to the pool. But now I come home about 3am in the morning exhausted, don't get to sleep until about 8am, sleep all day, stay up part of the night , sleep till noon when I get up for another 12hour day. I am wondering if the running around I do as a nurse is enough exercise. Cheers, Keith <BR> <img src=""> Sat, 7 Dec 2013 03:45:09 EST