KMACINLOVE's SparkPeople Blog KMACINLOVE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Happy Thanksgiving... Happy Thanksgiving to all. I am in the middle of 3 days off and what have I done. Nothing but sleep in bed. I was afraid this would happen. I had wanted to spend the 3 days cleaning but didn't. It is kind of a form of escape. Well, I am up now (9pm) and I am going to do something. Not staying to my schedule really did a number on me because I didn't take my blood pressure meds until now and my blood pressure is terrible. Well, get back on track and learn from this. At least I checked in t... Thu, 24 Nov 2016 20:50:13 EST Talk about lifestyle change! Hi spark friends. I'm back. Yes I still here. A new diagnosis of diabetes will do that. It seems that my whole life has changed. I am still getting used to the diagnosis and the fact that I am a diabetic on insulin. I didn't think that I would ever have this diagnosis, even though I have an identical twin with it and I am the 5th person in my family with it. Denial?? It took getting really sick to prompt me into action. So my life has changed alot. I think about it when I get up. Make sure... Mon, 21 Nov 2016 22:41:19 EST Still on the learning curve...... Still trying to figure out the best way to organize my life around having to eat, take blood sugars, blood pressures, and insulin. It is difficult because my schedule seems to change. For now, I am doing my best and I will improve with time. Hope all is well, Keith <img src=""> Sun, 13 Nov 2016 17:44:37 EST Got so sick..... Hi everyone. Got my priorities out for order for such a long time. Let work get the best of me until I got really sick. Didn't think that I had diabetes like my twin brother, wrong. Finally, now I am working hard to get my health back. I now have an official diagnosis of uncontrolled diabetes. And for the extra bonus, unlike my twin brother I am on insulin. But I am not sad, my brother is a great support, and things are now improving with my health. Also, my doctor is the medical director at... Fri, 11 Nov 2016 21:44:49 EST They laughed at me..... Have you ever heard that quip that goes: "they laughed when I sat down at the piano ....until I started to play". Well, these last few months have proven to me the value of listening to one's own voice and ideas despite the fact that many will think one odd. Funny story...when I was a poor graduate student studying up at Syracuse University I took it upon myself to buy a pair of what was then know as "moon boots", bright orange moon boots for the winter. I got stares. But one day during a pa... Tue, 19 Jan 2016 10:51:53 EST I never would have thought..... Hi spark friends. I am always amazed that at 55yrs I am finally realizing the payoff of experiencing difficult, sometimes even devastating times in my life. I am sure that I am like everyone else in this regard, that is having difficult times. The strange part is being thankful for it. You see, where as I don't quickly back physically from illness like when I was young, I bounce back a lot more quickly from mentally hard times because I been through them before. Been there, done it, got the... Mon, 18 Jan 2016 19:59:18 EST I am really happy to hear from my spark friends! It was so nice to hear that I have not been forgotten. I really appreciate your responses. Slowly but surely things are getting better. As I am responsible for putting into place nursing interventions for the best health promotion of my residents I am trying to think about care plans for my own health. The first intervention I would tell a new resident is "be kind to yourself". We all deserve a break. We are human and as we get older things get more tricky with our health. We can't lose the w... Fri, 15 Jan 2016 09:57:40 EST It's been a long time. Hi, all. It's been along time. I gave up my health in order to be successful at work. I have been the MDS nurse for about a year now. I was kinda of thrown into it when the previous one left. I was doing up about 65hour weeks and then got sick in October with respiratory, sciatica, and panic disorder . The new director of nursing who I thought was my friend threw me under the bus the result of which created havoc all round. I am having horrible sciatica which has gone on for about three month... Fri, 8 Jan 2016 10:08:13 EST Hi all... Hi everybody, it has been such a long time time. I hope that you are all well. Cheers, Keith Wed, 11 Nov 2015 13:55:01 EST I can't believe I am back for a second day. Hello again spark friends. Found out today that the other LPN that was a royal pain in the tush has quit and he will not be finishing out his notice. The atmosphere of the place has changed. People are smiling. There is no tension in the air. YEAH! Oh, did I say that out loud? LOL. My ongoing joke is that in order to share in the ongoing excitement of his leaving for new adventures and greener pastures I am going to honor the dear departing by buying a Macbook Pro for.......................... Tue, 3 Mar 2015 00:00:17 EST Still at it...... Hello sparkfriends. Yes of course it has been a long time. Since Dec. 24th I have been in charge of the MDS program. The LPN left a mess. I have be working almost everyday trying to hold it together. My consultant for MDS liked the place so much that he came on staff as the assistant director of nursing. He is brilliant and a great guy. We are very lucky to have him with us. I thought that when he came on board I would be able to go back to just helping with MDS. Surprise! No Keith, don't rel... Sun, 1 Mar 2015 00:47:55 EST Who'd have thought...... Hello dear sparkfriends. I hope that all is well with you. I have not been writing on the board because about a week before Thanksgiving the the MDS LPN went on vacation with out telling me and when she came back she gave two weeks notice. So for the last 2 months I have been the MDS nurse left with three weeks of work that she didn't do and a whole lot of admissions and discharges and learning how to setup a schedule. Gone through all the residents to make sure their assessment plan was in o... Sun, 18 Jan 2015 04:41:09 EST The class of life.... The older I get the more I realize that I don't know much. No not about papers and tests but about life. And life has a way of giving you "ah ha!" moments when you least expect them wether it is the passing of your parents or your dog, or changes in your job or lifestyle. For all of the complaining that I did about some difficult people at work it only just now made me realize that they too have difficulties in their life. I guess we all act out as we deal with the cards that life deals us. T... Mon, 1 Dec 2014 01:57:01 EST Thank you so much.... Thank you so much....I really appreciate your kind words of support. I have always had a dog for the last 30 years. Many times I would take for granted the comfort and companionship that they brought me. The house is very quiet now with just the cat. I miss my dog snoring while I typed at the computer. I was far from perfect in taking care of my dogs. But I never gave up on them no matter what they did. When I choose to adopt them in my mind I made a commitment to keep them through thick or ... Sun, 30 Nov 2014 04:42:24 EST One day at a time. Boy i didn't think the death of dog would be so hard. One day at a time. Keith <img src=""> Sat, 29 Nov 2014 01:59:03 EST Happy Thanksgiving Still sad about the passing of my dog but things seems to be getting better at work. This time in my life seems like a milestone of change. Often the death of a pet can force us to look at our own mortality. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Thu, 27 Nov 2014 23:20:51 EST Sad.. Unfortunately, I had to put my beagle Dot to sleep today. My heart is breaking. Keith <img src="" Mon, 24 Nov 2014 22:25:31 EST Things seem to be looking up. Hi sparkfriends, pushing myself to get back into good habits. Hopefully things will ease up a bit. Either way I will be grateful for all the learning that I am doing. Cheers, Keith. <img src=""> Wed, 12 Nov 2014 05:24:34 EST Been at the Job a year now and...... I had written a long post about the craziness happening at work targeted at me by &*%$# "bullies " but I have to say I like that because I am on the internet. So I will take it one day at a time and not make any rash decisions. I really cannot believe the way people treat other people. I am 54 years old and I still have a 30yr LPN speak to me with such condescension. I am truly at a loss for words that someone was raised so poorly. Keith <img src=" Wed, 15 Oct 2014 00:20:00 EST Hope all is well... Hope that all is well with my spark friends. Just a short note to say that I am thinking about you and am making the effort to keep in touch during this crazy time. Cheers. Keith <BR> <img src=""> Mon, 13 Oct 2014 19:19:30 EST Some exciting news. Made to the the third day back to spark people. Yeah! First the sad news. Had a resident pass away on me last night. There's always a little voice in my head that says "walk in the room Keith, walk in the room" they were on hospice. It never fails me. Why it always happens like that I will never know. Well, the good news is that my administrator is bringing an expert in MDS to tutor me. I cannot even bring up what it was like under the LPN who does the MDS now. This is the internet after a... Sun, 5 Oct 2014 08:37:41 EST Another inch... Another day, another inch forward. Behind at work but I am not going to obsess about it. Have to work the floor tomorrow night. Have to study on days off. On days off I just stay in bed. This has been part of the problem I have been having for months now. I guess this is the way I am dealing with the stress. Oh well. Cheers. Keith. <em>213</em> Fri, 3 Oct 2014 15:05:06 EST Trying an inch at a time to get back on track.. Hi sparkfriends, it's Keith. Things have been so difficult for the last few months that I have not been able to get it together meds from the doc to try to help with the stress and sleep. But I am going to at least try to say hello from my iPad and progress inch by inch. I am now working on another certification, this time in MDS. Which is a whole other can of worms. My love and cheers, Keith. <img src=""> Thu, 2 Oct 2014 08:11:22 EST Thank you so much.... Thank you my spark friends so much for all your kind words. Whew! I'm glad that's over. My boss is happy and there is nothing better than a happy boss. Now that the wound exam is over it's MDS time. My boss has not forgotten about that. Starting this week I have to start taking my own MDS cases by myself. The LPN doing them now will be doing everything she can to see that I fail like all the other nurses that have been put in this position. My bosses are hoping I will be the exception and st... Sun, 10 Aug 2014 02:12:36 EST YAH! YAH! YAH! YAH!!!!!!!!! I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!! This is truly going to be one of the most memorable days in my life.. I passed the certification exam for wound care!!!!!!!!! God, I am so happy this is over. Now I will have good news to tell my boss. God I am so happy and relieved. Now my name tag will say: Keith Stanard RN WCC. Thank you all for your support. Now my life can hopefully get back to normal. Now I am too happy to eat. Go figure. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <img src="http:/... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 23:56:51 EST Ugh!!!......... Got an email from a person in the certification center saying that I should be on the lookout for an email from the testing company today so I can get my results. This email was supposed to arrive by 9pm.No email. Checked all my mailboxes and trash and spam. This is crazy. Things at work have become so confusing I am not sure what they want me to do. This is really the first time in my life that I am upset and don't want anything to eat. Usually I eat to quell my emotions. I am so upset that ... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 23:12:03 EST Your not ok, I'm not ok......... Just got off work, I have been working the floor. And the past 2 weeks my boss has been kind of quiet. I immediately took this to mean that I had done something wrong. On top of this I worried about the results of my certification that are due in my email this week. After realizing that I haves worked incredibly hard for a month preparing for that certification exam I decided that I am not perfect........need to give myself a break..........found this interesting quote on spark people......... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 01:04:34 EST Back again... Well that's 2 days without junk food. Trying to get into the nice habits of journaling, drinking herbal tea, visiting spark people. Was also trying to take paxil everyday to help with the depression but it seems that I feel worse ( more tired and achy). I was used to only taking paxil 2-3times a week. So I will hold off a little bit. It seems that what see in my residents I also see in myself. As we get older we don't tolerate medications as well. So as a nurse I say less is more and non-pha... Thu, 31 Jul 2014 21:59:55 EST I'm back........... Hi sparkfriends. Just got back from an entire week at an intense wound education class and taking the exam for wound care certification. I have been studying for about 4 weeks straight every spare minute. Bought textbooks, flashcards, ect.... boy can i obsess on things. It is just that I wanted to do everything that I could to pass this exam and get this certification. Now I am just waiting for the results. My boss paid a lot of money for me to go. I felt very good about how I did on the test... Tue, 29 Jul 2014 23:01:28 EST Almost losing it... Very confused over what exactly I am to do. Getting mixed messages about what the plan of action is. Being put in very uncomfortable situations. Have to work the floor on 2nd and third shifts when there are holes. Insomnia is a problem. Saw my psychiatrist who gave me more ativane to get to sleep with. I will take it day by and we will see how it all turns out. I want to please my boss but they may have over estimated my ability to accomplice all they want done. Please keep me in your though... Sat, 5 Jul 2014 01:47:09 EST It has been over a month. It has been over a month since I last said hello. I do truly miss my spark friends. Quite overwhelmed. Feeling the pressure to get certified in MDS and Wound Care ASAP. I am going to take the wound care certification in 3 weeks. I have been working so much. Trying to keep the wound program on track. I am also having to work the floor. So there doesn't seem to be much time for studying. I am being asked that I take the bull by the horns in the MDS program which is controlled by an LPN and make... Wed, 2 Jul 2014 01:06:31 EST Hi, again Hi again. I hope all is well with my spark friends. Right in the middle of a 3 day seminar. Working almost every day it seems. I like what I am doing but it seems to be rough on my health. I have not been able to concentrate on my spark people activities like I used to . You would think that all this work I would be losing weight but I don't think that is the way it works. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Wed, 28 May 2014 22:08:31 EST Kinda of overwhelmed... Kinda of overwhelmed right now....trying my very best...don't get the feeling that it is fast enough....please keep me in the thoughts. Keith Sat, 17 May 2014 23:32:06 EST I can't believe it's May 7th. I cannot believe it's May7th already. Much to tell. I miss you all very much. I am working almost everyday. It's amazing, exciting, scary and tiring. I know how important spark people is and look forward to devoting more time to it. But I am on a steep learning curve and have to sit for 2 certifications in the next 3 months. And I just don't want to mess up. Wish me luck. Again I miss you all. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> Wed, 7 May 2014 23:12:48 EST Kinda of difficulty right now..... Kinda of tuff right now being pulled to the floor everyday and doing really long shifts. But I am very loyal to my job will do the best I can one day at a time. They are so incredibly generous and kind to me. Cheers, Keith Sun, 27 Apr 2014 01:30:41 EST It's starting..... Things are moving very fast at work. I was called in for a meeting to discuss my new duties and guess what. I being taken off the floor Thursday. It is very very exciting. I will be the in house wound nurse and as time goes on I will be taken on my own subset of the MDS cases. And can you believe it, I am going for 3 days to Alliance at the end of May, then 3 days to Columbus for certification at MDS at the beginning of June, then for a full week here in Cleveland getting prepared to sit for ... Wed, 23 Apr 2014 03:51:09 EST Codependent I am still amazed at how I can be so codependent ( or maybe a better phrase in emotionally dependent) in my old age. Codependent in the sense that I let other people's moods influence how I feel about myself. I often mislabel their behavior as meaning that I have done something wrong. <BR> We got a new nurse. She has many years behind her as a nurse but it has been a long time since she was on the floor. She is quite talented in her ability to remember things at first sight. She is al... Mon, 21 Apr 2014 00:58:29 EST Had to make a change on my info page... Had to make a change on my info page....why?....because I am no longer 53yrs old. Just had a birthday on the 12th. Though it feels kind of strange to say that I am 54 years old I would not want to go back to my youth. There was too much pain there. Frankly, I am more settled at this age. More accepting of myself and life. Yes, we all experience losses as we grow older but we can take pride in our personal strength and growth. Sometimes I look back and the plans and hopes that I had when I was... Thu, 17 Apr 2014 23:03:59 EST Saw the doctor for the 1st time in 7 years Well, I had my doctor appointment. We both have more gray hair. He was very happy to hear about me being with spark people for the last year. He uses a similar site. Got my labs back and aside from high cholesterol and high blood pressure, I don't have diabetes. Now I am on cholesterol and BP meds, No problem. Gave me a Rx for Voltaren for general pain but it does not seem to work......tylenol works better. <BR> Things are happening faster at work then I thought. This wednesday I am dr... Mon, 14 Apr 2014 00:30:44 EST Study, study, and more study... Spent most of the day behind the computer studying an introduction into MDS nursing. Printed out the entire course, 75pages, and put it into a binder. Then downloaded instructional materials for the online computer software we are going to at work and put that into a binder. Did online tutorials. Doing the studying is taking away a little of the apprehension I have about my duties to come in the fall. I kind of got a feel of what it might be like to be at a desk all day or working from home. ... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 21:27:43 EST Getting over it. One little step that I took recently was to put a picture of myself on my blog. It took the longest time just to do this. I have been avoiding ( and still do) mirrors for years. But the first step was to allow a picture of my face. The only recent picture I had of my face was my driver's license picture and you know how those can be. So as I look at my picture each day I am starting to see more a interesting character, more acceptance, giving me insight into the true me. One of the facts th... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 04:32:00 EST 3 days off Just got home from work and now have three days off. Really my health should be the first thing on my agenda like riding my new bike. Also this wednesday I will be going in for a full workup because I have not been to doctors in years. I expect a lot of lab work , probably a diagnosis of diabetes. I will have to go on meds to get my cholesterol and Blood Pressure under control. This is an important part of my health plan and now that I have insurance I need to do it. I finally put up a photo... Sat, 5 Apr 2014 00:35:04 EST Cookies!! Went to work today. Intense as always but the shift started off with something that kind of upset me. All the nurses had received a note in their mailboxes reminding them of a particular issue and I took it to heart. And I knew I was overreacting. My thoughts just started to get the best of me. I was thinking the worst. And it all turned out to be nothing. But my point being that the whole time that I was upset I was eyeing the girl scouts cookies in the break room. Man did I want sweets. B... Tue, 1 Apr 2014 01:40:43 EST Inch by inch, step by step.... With the intensity of work in the last 2 months I had gotten out of my health habits of swimming, journaling, tracking,...but inch by inch and step by step I am making it back. Trying to remind myself daily of the importance of these activities. Yes I got sidelined, but I am getting back there. The tragedy would really be if I stopped and gave up. So slowly but surely I am trying to put my best foot forward. Cheers. Keith <img src=""> <BR... Sun, 30 Mar 2014 14:48:16 EST Counting my blessings....the adventure continues... Thanks everyone for your kind comments about my last blog. It really made me feel good. <BR> <BR> So here I am at around 4am in the morning, got home about 1/2hour ago from work. An 8hour shift turned into a 12hour shift. But that's Ok because they treat me so well. Anywho,...I'm sitting here at my computer, kinda of in a good mood because I worked so hard and was so productive at work. I just occurs to me that I am so fortunate. (You know research says that counting ones blessing tends... Fri, 14 Mar 2014 04:03:24 EST Anything worth doing.... Coming up on a year with spark people. Initially, the first thought that came to my mind was "what a failure, I should be 70lbs thinner by now". But the more I thought about it the more I was kind of happy that my progress is the way it is. Yes, I have not lost 70lbs but I have done one thing that I have not ever done before. And that is, I stuck with it....I tracked my food, journaled, excetera.... and this was a hard year with all the job changes. Then I remembered when I was a musician. I ... Mon, 10 Mar 2014 03:43:10 EST Trust yourself At my present age of 53yr, I am consistently amazed that life still has startling things to teach me. For example, It has been my experience throughout my work career to think that I wasn't good enough. In my 20s I thought that people older than me were examples of adult behavior. Through 2 careers I kept thinking that it was me that was wrong because my fellow workers were older and wiser. Unfortunately, my parents were not good examples of adult behavior. Now, finally, in my present job ... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 04:50:19 EST I'mmm back. Cannot believe I have not blogged in a while. Can't tell you how it happened. But the time has flown. We have some very challenging residents at work requiring a lot of extra work. Getting out late. I also have been given responsibilities concerning when our nursing documentation on the computer goes live. But I will not let my mental and physical health go by the wayside because it is so important. Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <BR> <BR> ... Fri, 28 Feb 2014 01:30:01 EST Still no "meltdown" The last three days that I have gone to work I have gotten rather difficult admissions to the floor. Getting an admit with 24 other people to take care of can be really difficult. But I kept my cool and didn't have a meltdown. Boy was I in pain when I got home. But I am trying to stay in the moment and count my blessings.Cheers, Keith <img src=""> <img src=""> Sun, 16 Feb 2014 18:43:58 EST Didn't have a"meltdown " Got to work and walked into chaos, got an admit, drew blood, and walked tall and gave no one any reason to think that I was having a "meltdown". Bosses all happy with me. Smiles all round. The person that tried to throw me under the bus is "dead to me". But I am fine. Rather happy I should add. It was great to see all of my bosses smiling at me all at once. I said," I guess I am not in trouble because you all are smiling at me". They were on their way to a rather difficult family meeting an... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 03:52:28 EST