KITRONA's SparkPeople Blog KITRONA's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community I want to sleep... Flu. Ugh. Temp of 95.7, body and joint aches, slight nausea, headache just short of a migraine, bowel issues, congestion, post nasal drip, can't sleep. Not awesome. I thought losing weight was supposed to make me healthier; I'm tracking and exercising and not losing weight, plus I have gotten sick approximately every three weeks. Tired and frustrated. Nyquil is on its way... plus doctor's appt later today. Don't wanna go out but I need my meds. Thu, 6 Mar 2014 07:15:43 EST The week has barely started and I'm already done. Yeah, this is gonna be kind of a negative entry. Fair warning. <BR> <BR> This weekend was rough. Ben and I argued over the stupidest little things, and I keep trying to ask myself, "Is this the hill I want to die on?", as my friend Katie says. (She has a 6 year old too. We were pregnant together. It's one of those bonds that seems to stay strong even if we haven't talked in months.) Unfortunately, it seems like I only remember about picking my hill, as it were, after the fact. <BR> <BR> It ... Mon, 24 Feb 2014 11:22:19 EST Ben is definitely feeling better, and so am I. Ben is almost back to his usual self, bouncing off the walls. (In fact, he hasn't had his meds yet today but he's pretty good with focusing. Hmm... I wonder how I can use that information...) He was pretty good yesterday, no recurrences of vomiting, but he fell asleep in the car, which he NEVER does. Still some toilet issues, so I kept him home today because it comes on so suddenly that I don't think he'd have time to get permission to go to the bathroom and then actually GET to the bathroom ... Fri, 21 Feb 2014 11:56:21 EST You take the good, you take the bad... Ok, enough of that, to defend my sanity by giving some of you an earworm. You'll understand why by the end of this entry. (Also, if any of the words don't make sense, I'm writing this on my phone. I'll try to catch them, but I may not get all of them.) <BR> <BR> Today did not start auspiciously. When my husband is home, he takes Ben to the bus. Which he did, so that was awesome. But just as he was going to lay back down to get some sleep for work tonight, his boss called over something petty... Thu, 20 Feb 2014 00:24:22 EST February 18 check-in. Or: I'm baaaaaack... So, the PMS monster bit me HARD during the last week. I'm talking full-on rage and tears and ragey tears and... it was NOT pretty. I have to give my guys credit for dealing with it pretty well. <BR> <BR> It didn't help that the weather was crappy, with MORE snow. UGH. Plus, I was scared. Even with the traction spikes, I was scared to go running, because if there wasn't ice and/or packed snow, if I had to run on the road surface, they'd actually give me /less/ traction, and I could fall again... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 19:39:31 EST February 12 check-in. Goal 1: get rid of the concussion symptoms. This is pretty much done, at least most of the time, but I'm not really feeling like risking a relapse. I'm on another site, SuperBetter, and they have a couple of tracks that are about recovering from concussion, so I'm doing those. They focus on how I feel, so it's pretty easy to figure out where I am from that. <BR> <BR> Goal 2: Work out 5+ days a week: Still on hold. Although if I want to, I could go walking today, and I might, since I got my t... Wed, 12 Feb 2014 16:01:51 EST February 8 check in Goal 1: has changed. Now it's "get rid of these stupid concussion symptoms". Time is all that will help that. (Explanation below.) <BR> <BR> Goal 2: Workout 5+ days a week: On hold until I feel better. <BR> <BR> Goal 3: Measure and weigh, etc.: I've been doing really well with this. <BR> <BR> Ok, explaining time. When I fell after walking Ben to school, apparently the way I fell managed to give me a minor concussion. Nausea, headache, light and sound sensitivity, sleepiness, dizziness, lac... Sat, 8 Feb 2014 22:11:12 EST It's not even noon and already I've had a day. This all starts last night. Ben kept pushing and pushing when it was time for bed, and then I heard him playing and I caught him with the light on, so he didn't get to sleep until almost 11pm. Neither did I, but I'm not 6. Naturally, this morning we were both tired, but I made the fatal mistake of turning off my alarm and trying to get 5 more minutes. 45 minutes later I woke up, looked at the clock, and freaked. <BR> <BR> I go in to wake Ben up and he's still sound asleep. Great. I wake him ... Thu, 6 Feb 2014 12:53:01 EST February 5 Goal 1: Kick this cold. I can officially say that I'm good to go on that one. <BR> <BR> Goal 2: Workout 5+ days a week: So far, so good. I did Cardio Sculpt today, and it was BRUTAL, but I finished it!! Still haven't run, because we got another big pile of snow dumped on us again today, and I know there's ice underneath it. But hopefully tomorrow I can do something about that... I'm dragging my husband to the local-ish running shop to see if they have SPIKES. Or cleats, or grippers, or YakTr... Wed, 5 Feb 2014 23:05:01 EST Goal Accountability 2/3 Goal 1: Kick this cold. More or less done. I might go running tomorrow. (Last time I went running, I had an asthma attack, which is really unusual for me. So unusual, in fact, that I didn't realize that's what it was for a while.) <BR> <BR> Now that goal 1 is mostly out of the way, Goal 2: Workout 5+ days a week. I did a cardio video today, and as mentioned, I might go running tomorrow. So on track for that today. <BR> <BR> Goal 3: Weigh and measure. I started out doing that, and even set ... Mon, 3 Feb 2014 18:40:22 EST February goals and an update. My goals for February: <BR> <BR> 1. Kick this cold. <BR> 2. Workout 5+ days a week... get on some sort of program. (Suggestions welcome! I want to run 3 times a week, but I need alternatives for when the weather/conditions aren't cooperating.) <BR> 3. Track better. Weigh and measure instead of eyeballing it. <BR> <BR> Also, I discovered that I have lost weight... my shoes (which I didn't wear when I was weighing initially) are a pound and a half, and the scale showed the same weight it did ... Sat, 1 Feb 2014 23:28:28 EST Non-Scale Victories! I got dressed today and realized that my bra fits again! And my jeans fit better, except in the calves... they're tighter there, which makes sense, since I'm running and walking a lot more. <BR> <BR> Yay me! Oh, and happy Chinese new year! Fri, 31 Jan 2014 23:54:00 EST Feeling better and worse, yay me! I'm not even being sarcastic. I was kind of grumpy earlier because I ache so much from running yesterday, and my knees are complaining. Then I realized that I wouldn't be aching so much, knees excepted, if I hadn't actually pushed my limits yesterday. That means I'm getting stronger and building muscle! Note to self: make sure I get enough protein today. <BR> <BR> My knees, well, whatever. They're going to hurt. Yay osteoarthritis. (THAT was sarcastic.) But somehow my mindset changed; before... Fri, 31 Jan 2014 12:35:25 EST Jan. 28 I slept all day, and I wish I could go back to sleep. This cold is awful; I'm all congested, and I'm achy all over. Even my teeth hurt. My joints hurt especially. There is so not any exercise gonna happen today. <BR> <BR> I'm very cranky, so I'm gonna go read webcomics and watch Netflix. Tue, 28 Jan 2014 20:13:44 EST What a weekend. All day Friday my eye was bothering me. I couldn't figure out why it felt like I had a tiny something in it, but I couldn't see anything in there. Saturday I woke up with the entire right half of my right eye filled with blood. We missed the train to go see J (my best friend), so we stopped by urgent care. It would have been $65 to be seen, so I decided to wait until Monday; the nurse said as long as it didn't hurt and my vision wasn't blurry, it should be fine. <BR> <BR> Ben and I finally m... Mon, 27 Jan 2014 18:19:47 EST It's blogging time! So, time for my nightly brain dump. :) <BR> <BR> Today was pretty good, overall, but very very cold. There's cold air coming in our back door because the jamb is rotting a little, and the apartment people haven't gotten back to us, even though I emailed them on Monday. Today the downspout fell down, which is something else I mentioned in my email. They're usually more responsive than this. <BR> <BR> Which is all to say that I spent most of the day wrapped up in blankets, with tea and a pers... Fri, 24 Jan 2014 23:49:07 EST January 22 My day was pretty good overall. I got some work done in the morning (I'm the shipping manager for a small sword distribution company) and messed around online. I hung out with my husband, which I don't get to do nearly enough, and I complained about the cold. He was fine, though, which is definitely a reversal! <BR> <BR> I had lunch and did some laundry, which is actually not as easy as it sounds. We don't have a washer/dryer hookup, so I have a small washer like the ones they use in China, ... Wed, 22 Jan 2014 20:14:26 EST I can honestly say that I had a great day today. With bonus inspirational song! I went out running again, this time with my husband, who /also/ runs faster than me. Which is ok. I'm getting faster. I listened to the same program I did on Sunday, and this time I went almost 1.5 miles and my pace was less than 20 minutes per mile. Yay me!! Part of this is because I figured out that I was taking very small strides because I didn't want to fall, but I wasn't going to most of the time. When I figured that out, I stretched my legs a bit more. <BR> <BR> I logged all my food, a... Tue, 21 Jan 2014 23:20:35 EST Didn't do so well today, but there's always tomorrow! (now with added rambling) My big downfall today was that my husband stopped at Burger King and brought back 2 Rodeo burgers. I made the choice to eat them, though. <BR> <BR> I did clean the living room and part of the kitchen, and changed the litter by myself. Our downstairs litter box is really big, so that was definitely some strength training! I also made a fairly healthy dinner, and it was delicious, too. <BR> <BR> We went grocery shopping (I don't drive) and got some good produce, including a papaya, which I've... Tue, 21 Jan 2014 01:27:52 EST I actually started my C25K program!! I did it! I got out and ran! And walked! And it was awesome!! <BR> <BR> I was getting antsy and wanting to run (I didn't question this, but I was a little confused by it) but the weather here is weird and it's been thawing and freezing lately, which means ICE. That plus my bad balance is a bad combination. But today I just said to myself, "Screw it. I'll run on the street, since it's actually plowed." <BR> <BR> One metaphorical hurdle down, but there was another: my husband works nights, so... Sun, 19 Jan 2014 18:02:01 EST Nothing like motivation to speed up plans! One of my goals is to run a 5k by my son's birthdays. (They're nine years and a day apart, in September.) I was poking around the internet and was reminded of the Color Run. I looked it up, and it will be in Chicago in June, and in South Bend in late September. I want to do both! But it's definitely motivation to start my Couch to 5k program as soon as the ice melts... it's a 9 week program, so I'll need about two and a half months to finish it. <BR> <BR> I want to do both. I'd love to do it... Thu, 16 Jan 2014 02:04:34 EST A pretty good day. I'm trying to get into better habits, and Hot_Mama_13 sent me an invite to SuperBetter. It's FUN. I think between that and Spark, I've got a pretty good plan. <BR> <BR> One of the habits I'm trying to establish is to do /some/ sort of workout every day. The videos here are great, because for now, they're about the length of workout I can handle. As I get more fit, I'll start stringing together two or three, and by the time that gets to be boring, it should be warm here, so I can start going ... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 22:55:55 EST No school for me. I was going to go to school this semester. I've been making payments on my student loans for almost a year to get them out of default so I could start school. I thought everything was done: I'd talked to my account manager and she confirmed that I was out of default, she'd faxed a letter to that effect to my school's financial aid department, and I was under the impression that everything was done. But the website kept saying there were problems with my FAFSA and that I was still in default. ... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 21:10:02 EST Ok, Universe, I get it. Clearly there are some lessons I'm supposed to be learning, and I'm obviously not learning them quickly enough. Today was a day of frustration, and through that frustration, I found my voice enough to start to find a balance between doormat and obnoxious. <BR> <BR> I'm not good with confrontations. I'd go into the backstory, but it's somewhat irrelevant in a practical sense; the important part is, that's one of my issues. I either get way too confrontational or I back down too easily and spe... Tue, 14 Jan 2014 00:19:43 EST Frustrated, AGAIN. I'm starting school tomorrow, all online, and I would be excited but a. I honestly forgot it was starting so soon, so SURPRISE! and b. I assumed that the people working there would have a clue what was going on. I had a problem with my financial aid, which I fixed, and proof was faxed to them on Dec. 26, but nobody's bothered to update my account since frickin' OCTOBER. I contacted them for the THIRD time about this, and I was told the same thing: someone will be in contact with you shortly. ... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 17:20:16 EST Feeling a bit better. I did a seated exercise video, and that helped. I think one of my biggest problems is comparing myself to other people and feeling like I'm less because I can't do the stuff other people can. I fall into that trap very easily, so it's definitely something to watch for. So, no, I can't run a 5k or benchpress a Buick. But I CAN do a 12 minute seated exercise video, and that's way better than not doing anything because I set the bar so high. I wish I knew how to get rid of that comparison thing. Sun, 12 Jan 2014 13:07:08 EST Feeling frustrated and annoyed. I have several health challenges, as many people know, including mental health challenges. Right now I'm frustrated with myself. It's a big tangle of irritation and feeling defensive and judged over something that isn't actually doing that, and frustration that I haven't done more to exercise, and frustration with my body for being messed up, and frustration with the weather, which goes back to frustration with my body and frustration with the healthcare system for being broken and expensive.... Sun, 12 Jan 2014 12:19:57 EST Quiet days. Sparky (my 6 year old) missed school on Thursday, because I was at Beauty_Within's and his dad overslept. Oops. I'm not concerned about it because it was the first day back, and nothing ever gets done on the first day back, especially when that first day back has been pushed back three days because of the weather. <BR> <BR> Point being, Sparky went to school on Friday, and I was a little worried, because historically, he doesn't do well with changes in routine. I was pleasantly surprised, ho... Sat, 11 Jan 2014 23:36:38 EST It's been a long day. We're not snowed in anymore, which is good, but the roads are still treacherous. I tried to get on the train yesterday, but I was clearly not destined to: the first train I missed because the roads were so bad, and the second I missed because we got a flat tire. Swordsage was livid, because he'd already had a bad day when he realized that his computer wouldn't start. Even worse, we had no jack to change the tire. Fortunately, we had some friends who came to the rescue. Meanwhile, I walked bac... Wed, 8 Jan 2014 19:48:18 EST Snowed in: Day 1 (Blog titles always sound so serious.) <BR> <BR> According to, we're still in a state of emergency in Porter County, along with the vast majority of North and Central Indiana. So, we stayed put. Swordsage finally got it settled with his supervisor that, no, actually, he won't be going into Chicago for work until this is over, thank you very much. They were trying to get him to come in when one of the people he works with refused to go to work /on the bus... Mon, 6 Jan 2014 19:43:07 EST This is some SERIOUS weather! So, my older son missed his train. Not really surprising, given that it was leaving from Chicago. We even drove to try to get there faster... which would have worked, maybe, if the car had started. We had to get a jump, and then we were sliding all over the place, and we got a little lost, and... yeah, no. So I picked up some provisions (NOT inquisitions, like BEAUTY_WITHIN's husband thought I said on the phone!) and we headed home. <BR> <BR> Usually it's about an hour to an hour to get from... Sun, 5 Jan 2014 16:50:48 EST Traveling is tiring! And I'm not even the one doing the most traveling! I'm up in Chicago to take my older son to the train station tomorrow. He and I and my younger son are staying the night with Beauty_Within and her husband and adorable son, because the train will be leaving early in the morning. She and I wandered around Target (get those steps in!) and now we're hanging out and recovering! <BR> <BR> I am pleasantly surprised that my calories are well within range, too. Sat, 4 Jan 2014 19:18:25 EST I'm baaaaaack.... Yep, I made a New Year's resolution to come back to Spark. I blame Beauty_Within ;) I got out of the habit of doing Spark when my life exploded, but now it's mostly put back together again, better than before, and I have the mental energy to track and whatnot. <BR> <BR> So, yeah. Hi again! Thu, 2 Jan 2014 23:29:37 EST Changes. So the basic story of what happened is that the house got away from me, compounded by having way too many cats, and we had to leave. They also took Ben, but we're working on getting him back. Meanwhile, we moved and are now sharing a house with friends in Saint John. It's a really nice house and they're on top of housework, so I'm learning from them. We have FAR fewer cats, too. (That hurt, seeing them take the cats, but it had to be done.) <BR> <BR> I'm treating this as a learning experienc... Tue, 12 Mar 2013 12:32:44 EST Decent day. I had plans for today, but they got derailed. I did do some cleaning, though, and got to read for a bit while hubby slept. Between the stress and working and everything else, he ended up sick. :( But we just keep on truckin'. What else can you do? <BR> <BR> I've started wearing my pedometer again, and yesterday I got over 5000 steps! I don't even remember what I did yesterday to get that many steps. <BR> <BR> This nightmare might be resolved this month, and then I'll feel more free to share... Sun, 3 Mar 2013 01:24:03 EST Not as planned. Today did not go as planned. I can't talk about it right now, but I need all the prayers/twili/white light/whatever you can send. I'm barely hanging on here. Wed, 27 Feb 2013 22:11:17 EST Home and braced.... I should be sleeping but I wanted to write a blog post. Which would go faster if the stupid phone would quit eating my posts. <BR> <BR> I got wrist braces today. Because I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, I dislocate (or subjugate) my wrists and thumbs when I sleep. (If you want details, feel free to ask. I had a decent explanation written up, but that's the post that got eaten.) I can also wear them during the day when the pain is bad, like when we're getting a big snowstorm. I wore them the re... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 01:30:35 EST I can still surprise myself! I've been trying to quit smoking. Kidling made a comment a couple of weeks ago to the effect of, "When I grow up, then I can smoke too." Um, how about NO! So I made an appointment with the "quit smoking" nurse practitioner, who gave me a prescription for the gum, since the patches didn't work last time. They kept falling off ans made my skin itch at the application site. Then I ran out of cigarettes two days before my husband got paid and almost two weeks before my official quit date, so I st... Tue, 26 Feb 2013 00:02:25 EST Not dead yet.... So life has been smacking me around lately. I signed up for school in the fall, and it turns out I can't go until next spring semester thanks to some defaulted student loans from what seems like a previous life. My son needs custom inserts and shoes to correct his flat feet, and they're paid for by insurance (even though I don't like the doctor because he says there's nothing wrong with the kid's knees; even the eye doctor noticed that his knees go inward!). But the company ordered the wrong ... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 00:01:48 EST Wish it wasn't so cold... I've gotten seriously derailed lately, and done almost no exercise. It's too damn cold out, and I don't have the equipment to stay warm. Plus I don't want to go walking by myself. <BR> <BR> I could in theory work out inside, but we have so little free space that it doesn't really work. <BR> <BR> I guess I'm just kind of depressed because of this stuff, and because of the lack of sunlight. <BR> <BR> Sorry it's not much of a blog post. Tue, 27 Nov 2012 23:56:54 EST Standing up for myself, and for Ben I have housemates. One of them is narcissistic, which, believe me, is triggering as all get-out. He's been treating other people in the house very badly, including his wife. But she's a grown woman, if she wants to do something about it, she can. <BR> <BR> He's been mostly ignoring me; the only time he said anything since he got back from his monthly Michigan trip was to ask me for something, once. But during the few times he's interacted with Ben, he's had an attitude with /Ben/, and that's... Mon, 12 Nov 2012 21:30:06 EST What I've accomplished. I'm feeling kind of down, so I'm making a list of what I've accomplished. <BR> <BR> 1. I've lost two pants sizes. <BR> 2. I've lost 6 pounds. <BR> 3. I'm eating better, paying attention to what I eat and when. <BR> 4. I'm learning to listen to my body when it's hungry. <BR> 5. I'm drinking more water, sometimes over the 8 recommended cups a day. <BR> 6. I evaluated what the problem was with making changes and I'm getting back on track. <BR> 7. I like myself, even when I'm mad at myself or di... Sun, 11 Nov 2012 00:43:35 EST Sorting things out. With the help of Beauty_Within, I figured out that part of what's going on with me is that I'm overwhelmed and trying to change too much at once. So I'm going back to the beginning and starting over, adding something each month (or when I feel like I have the previous thing down cold). <BR> <BR> This month I'm working on tracking my food, not worrying too much about the calories, and drinking water. Part of that is learning to listen to my body and not put off food until I'm so hungry I eat ... Fri, 9 Nov 2012 17:12:20 EST Falling down I have fallen off the wagon. I haven't been tracking, I haven't been watching what I eat like I should, and I haven't been exercising. <BR> <BR> I've just... I guess I'm tired of being a grownup. I don't want to track everything for the rest of my life, and watch what I eat, and force myself to exercise, and... it's all too much right now. <BR> <BR> Part of it is the time of year, I think. I hate this part of fall, the dark, wet, cold, windy, everything's dead and there's no snow to at leas... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 22:35:13 EST I've changed. I have definitely changed, and the party I went to last night really emphasized how much. <BR> <BR> First of all, here's my costume: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I went as Lady Loki. <BR> <BR> I've definitely lost inches, if not pounds. Which is awesome and feels really good. :) <BR> <BR> But the party itself... I just wasn't feeling it. There was a ton of great food, but after the first helping of everything, I was full. The alcohol w... Sun, 28 Oct 2012 13:18:30 EST Getting to Know You copy/paste Where is your cell phone? <BR> On the couch next to me <BR> <BR> Spouse? <BR> Marco. <BR> <BR> Your hair? <BR> Currently brownish-reddish-greenish due to a haircoloring mishap <BR> <BR> Your mother? <BR> Narcissistic <BR> <BR> Your father? <BR> Divorced and gay <BR> <BR> Your favorite thing? <BR> My car <BR> <BR> Your dream last night? <BR> Don't remember <BR> <BR> Favorite drink? <BR> Depends on the season... currently between apple cider and egg nog <BR> <BR> What room are you in? <... Wed, 24 Oct 2012 15:15:08 EST NYC Trip We went to NYC last week, for three days, to pick up Ben, who had been staying with his grandparents for two weeks. (Just for fun, no particular other reason.) <BR> <BR> We got to the airport late and had to reschedule our flight, then ended up flying on standby. The Charlotte airport is really nice, by the way. It has free wi-fi and plenty of places to charge electronic devices, plus it seemed like it had lots of room. <BR> <BR> We finally got to NYC and Marco's brother Joey picked us up. ... Mon, 22 Oct 2012 13:04:53 EST Short one, just wanted to get back in the habit. So the husband and I went to NYC. We had a lot of fun and I have to write about it, and share some of the pictures I took, but that'll have to wait til tomorrow. For today, it's enough that we made it home with a Ben. :) Sun, 21 Oct 2012 00:36:59 EST Just looking for some reassurance This entry brought to you by the concepts "exhaustion" and "impatience" and the horrified "I slept HOW much today??" <BR> <BR> This gets better, right? I'll eventually adjust to the new activity level and not be so tired all the time? I can't sleep this much... I only have a week until my son is back home, and I have to take care of him. (Note that I'm not wishing he was away longer, as I miss him.) I went to bed by 11 last night and, aside from getting up to go to the bathroom, slept straig... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 00:09:42 EST A little frustrated. (OK, a lot frustrated.) So, apparently I'm still learning, but I'm not sure exactly /what/ I'm learning. I went walking last night and tried to pick up the pace, but not only did I not cut any time off, I also am dead tired and achy. <BR> <BR> I helped move some stuff around yesterday, as well, and I did learn that if my shoulder feels weird, do something different. And I learned that if something is scary, get it over with quickly. <BR> <BR> I learned, but... I'm still frustrated. I guess everything's seemed so m... Tue, 9 Oct 2012 22:55:53 EST