KIMBERLY0916's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KIMBERLY0916 KIMBERLY0916's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 12/16/2014 fear of finishing .. uhm http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833837 i really should carry around a Dictaphone or something .. i have (seemingly) brilliant insights and wisdom when I have no method of recording/writing/remembering them (i.e. walking, driving, bathroom, sleeping, etc...) <BR> <BR> i'm sure there's a word for it .. fear of finishing <BR> <BR> i don't get that sense of accomplishment .. the WOOHOO look what I achieved feeling <BR> <BR> as I get close to closure on a project, a thought, a process .. i get scared .. i get worried .. i get Oh Cra... Tue, 16 Dec 2014 10:33:22 EST 12/15/2014 medical progress .. standstill? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833402 an update on my medical progress ... i think standstill in this case is a victory b/c i haven't lost progress .. i will take a victory no matter how small b/c it carries the most impact!! <BR> <BR> i have not taken the current prescriptions for stuff since Thanksgiving's 24+ hour snooze fest. i have been self-treating with some pain meds and antihistamines with some success. <BR> <BR> I'm happy to report my blood pressure is back to normal most all day long [average 125/83] for the past wee... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:47:35 EST 12/14/2014 nurture your relationships http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833396 I've been reaching out to people i want to stay in touch or reconnect with <BR> <BR> ... it helps me to offer words of encouragement and empathy and just generally say HELLO .. it does wonders for my spirit and soul and they've been appreciated by the recipients, too. <BR> <BR> More than a couple responded saying thanks b/c they really needed it ! <BR> <BR> no better good feels than that!! <BR> <BR> i call it me being selfish b/c i don't want to stay isolated or alone or feel lonely. i n... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:33:39 EST 12/15/2014 thrilled (well non-energetic equivalent) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833391 so i'm happy that 2 days now the scale at 190. that's way better than the 200 it has been... <BR> <BR> now i know my weight flux 5-10 pounds depending on bowel movements and food I've eaten. so I don't usually celebrate single day victories .. i usually wait for a string of 4 to 5 together <BR> <BR> but i am starting to feel better .. but i definitely have a long way to go on this journey to health <BR> <BR> slow steps are still steps towards PROGRESS <BR> <BR> <BR> ... in case you are c... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:17:12 EST 12/13/2014 no i don't http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5832378 No I don't know how to deal with today. Not after I'd planned so much wedding stuff... all that is now on hold for an unknown amount of time. We'll figure out another cool date: 12-13-14 just wasn't meant to be. <BR> <BR> No I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep getting money to him for phone cards. <BR> No I don't know how to ever get out of my debt when I can barely afford minimums each month. <BR> No i don't know if i'll ever be able to have a job again. <BR> No i don't know if I'... Sat, 13 Dec 2014 12:01:22 EST 12/10/2014 be kind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5831053 BE KIND TO YOURSELF <BR> <BR> do what WORKS for you ... eat what works for you <BR> <BR> portion control (yes for food but ALSO sleep, exercise, stress, TV, parties, obligations, family, work, cleaning, relationships, etc) <BR> <BR> ... everything in moderation is not just good advice for dessert but truly every aspect of life ... <BR> <BR> EVERYONE reacts DIFFERENT to EVERYTHING <BR> one med-version-A will work different in me than med -version-B .. and med-1 will work different in me th... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 21:14:02 EST 12/10/2014 medical crap http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5831047 DISCLAIMER: I don't recommend for anyone to go against doctors instructions and I am solely relying on MY OWN 39 year medical history and MY reactions for MY health ... in order to say .... <BR> <BR> symptoms troubling me: <BR> * hives, blisters, itchy since Oct and worse in Nov <BR> * high blood pressure since Aug and worse in Nov <BR> * extreme fatigue and lethargy in Nov <BR> * extreme muscle aches and burning <BR> * slept over 24 hours at a time more than twice in Nov <BR> * coughing and... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 21:03:39 EST 12/06/2014 more kimberly odds http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828834 so awhile back i explained what i meant by kimberly odds <BR> <link>www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo<BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775806 </link> <BR> <BR> well without too many details ... i've been really sick and pain almost all of November .. am waiting on lab results and followup with doctor. <BR> <BR> thanksgiving day i was in bed 24 hours and was depressed and even suicidal ... and of course the 25+ years of medical and life issues and failures plays over and over and work... Sat, 6 Dec 2014 22:17:43 EST 12/05/2014 be kind to myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828306 so i've been coasting along and sedentary for far too long. and definitely eating not so healthy foods. some new meds triggered weight gain: 15 pounds from July to Oct and an additional 15 pounds in November. UGH. <BR> <BR> i was down to 165 in July .. so before the scale goes over 200 again .. <BR> <BR> i'm going to break out the recipes I have bookmarked so I can buy healthier ingredients and make my own food. I've never liked shopping or cooking or putting in effort to eat. but i had luc... Fri, 5 Dec 2014 20:58:00 EST 12/05/2014 roulette needs to stop ruling me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828298 so i've been on a wild (not so fun) roulette wheel of meds and symptoms and side effects and stress <BR> <BR> it's awful! <BR> <BR> even though the docs and I were in agreement to start low dose of a med and make sure my body handles it well .. then see about increasing dosage ... not to change too many things at once <BR> <BR> great in theory <BR> <BR> i'll spare you all the specifics but for the month of Nov I've not been myself. I'm lethargic, lifeless, zombie, sleeping 24 hours severa... Fri, 5 Dec 2014 20:43:20 EST 10/25/2014 bargaining http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5804779 so i've been off-track for awhile now .. eating chips, pizza, beer, soda, Monster, nachos, whatever I wanted ... the scale shows it too. i've been stress eating. <BR> <BR> so now i'm negotiating with myself <BR> <BR> yes I can have that (decadent treat or artery clogging food) if I ... <BR> ... go hang up laundry <BR> ... go for a 10 minute walk <BR> ... clean the bathroom <BR> ... do the dishes <BR> ... write a letter <BR> ... stretch <BR> ... play with the cat <BR> <BR> so far today it's... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 23:40:16 EST 10/12/2014 oh love http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5796834 i was writing to my fiance today ... minus specific details I was getting angry about certain situations and circumstances beyond our control ... i could feel the emotional change and bipolar pull being set in motion <BR> <BR> my DBT leader would be so proud of what i did next ... <BR> <BR> I let the wave of anger and frustration wash over me ... I put down the pen ... I remembered to breathe ... I chose to focus on one thought instead of the hundreds racing through my mind .. i picked a po... Sun, 12 Oct 2014 12:56:02 EST 10/06/2014 how do you measure http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5793542 Sometimes I wonder when I'll stop living my life via RENT characters. <BR> <BR> ... I've been the artist, the programmer, the lover, the addict, taken my opportunity and have had a taste of the love Angel had.. now I have to have patience and faith and maintain HOPE <BR> <BR> and while i got this tattoo to celebrate my 2013 successes ... it is rather fitting to remind myself of what and where I once was and what I've gone through, dealt with and overcame, and ultimately SUCCEEDED as oppose... Mon, 6 Oct 2014 17:12:39 EST 10/05/2014 feel stuck? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5793039 i managed a good walk earlier and was invited for dinner to my aunt's house... came home and was going through email when I found this <BR> <BR> <link>http://powerofpositivity.com/11-thin<BR>gs-remember-feel-stuck/ </link> Sun, 5 Oct 2014 21:45:47 EST 10/05/2014 past 24 hours http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5792904 Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us. <BR> <BR> we're all familiar with that sentiment/quote/whatever ... but i feel totally unprepared to deal with my fiance being away and nearly unreachable for this weekend with potentially another 3 or 4 years in the same predicament ... i could easily explain but i don't want to write it all publicly ... and no he hasn't done anything bad/hurtful .. he has been a vic... Sun, 5 Oct 2014 17:07:07 EST 09/22/2014 the struggle is real http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5784886 so after last week's mania ... the weekend stress is slowly calming down <BR> <BR> my fiance and I are figuring out life .. together ... when both of us are bipolar and a few days apart on mood swings and health issues <BR> <BR> no one said it'd be easy <BR> <BR> i truly do think we'll both be better off going through the struggle together .. keeping each other (hopefully) from repeating past mistakes <BR> <BR> the pulled muscles in my neck/shoulders are starting to feel normal again. i ... Mon, 22 Sep 2014 16:29:14 EST 09/18/2014 from zero concept to BE confident TODAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782370 so much of my life has been lived with pain .. from fibro to mental illness to bicycle accidents and other mishaps .. i don't know what pain is supposed to be tolerable and what isn't <BR> <BR> i often get told i'm dramatic at describing things ..so much so that i'm not believed b/c they think i'm exaggerating <BR> <BR> problem is ... that's usually when i'm telling the truth as best as i know how <BR> <BR> it's days like today that i minimize everything i'm feeling and the pain levels b/c... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 13:37:29 EST 09/18/2014 so many *THIS so much THIS* happening today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782318 so after i posted the previous blog about being bipolar ... i see this gem in my newsfeed <BR> <BR> --- This paper was turned in by a 2nd grader with Autism. Look over the paper carefully - see what he did here? We say he deserves an A+! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/1/l913413945.jpg"> <BR> <BR> --- my response <BR> <BR> THIS .. THIS is why i try to stress to my loved ones the importance of word choice; especially in instructions! <BR> <BR> and don't forget t... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 12:13:40 EST 09/18/2014 a morning in the life... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782307 so i typed this about an hour ago .. well i started it an hour ago ... <BR> <BR> was hungry so i got out milk and had just poured a bowl of cereal .. the phone rang .. made appointment .. got distracted by FB for awhile .. then the cat .. then wanted to clip my hair up .. but got the cat some dry food instead .. some more FB .. then laughed at this article .. then finally thought about my hair again ... and the call to the nurse line about what couldn't i do b/c of pain today .. and at some ... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 11:55:31 EST 09/15/2014 comparison ... for fun http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5780398 normally i hate comparison stuff ... like I love you . .i love you more .. IT ISN'T A COMPETITION .. no comparison necessary in my opinion <BR> <BR> then there are some things that are fun to compare like ... <BR> <BR> tooting my own horn here ... i saw a friend do this then and now pic comparison so I put this together ... 1994 and 2014 ... do I actually look younger/better now or I falling off my unicorn/delusional? *(grin)* <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 15:11:23 EST 09/12/2014 positive messages for the day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778604 i got some sleep .. starting to get over this cold/infection/recovery from flu shot/whatever crap ... not quite energetic yet but def on road to getting better <BR> <BR> here's some positive messages for today <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/8/l285583447.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2074482434.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> and i'm looking forward to seeing my fiance soon and spending the weekend together <BR> <em>224</em> Fri, 12 Sep 2014 13:02:30 EST 09/11/2014 Never Forget? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778027 maybe i'm being insensitive ... all these Never Forget posts and such ... you know what .. I've been trying for 13 years to forget! ... to forget that this summer 2001 i had to withdraw from the best internship and adventure excursion program of my life b/c of migraines ... to forget that 9/11 happened ... to forget that I lost some friends from the summer program in NYC and surrounding areas ... to forget that i got drunk all weekend and drove when i shouldn't have ... to forget that i had t... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 15:08:36 EST 09/08/2014 Kimberly Odds http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775806 I've had the worst muscle pain this weekend [part of which i expressed some emotion about yesterday .. and yes i did go for that walk .. pic at the bottom of this post .. some others on FB] <BR> <BR> ... I've actually survived car accidents (and punk concerts <em>36</em> ) that I've felt better after! <BR> <BR> I went to the ER for an unrelated thing last night and learned my temp was: 98.6 [aka a fever for me] and BP: 148 over 97 [high] ... which I've only had problems with that 2x tim... Mon, 8 Sep 2014 10:57:26 EST 09/08/2014 rocks?! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775668 i clicked on this article thinking I'd share it b/c i know some pretty pessimistic sounding folks ... that's what i thought this article might be about/for ... but NOPE .. I teared up and laughed ... at myself .. when I got to the part about her shaking a literal rock out of her shoe ... "He laughed out loud when the meteor flew out because it was the size of my big toe." <BR> <BR> as someone who minimizes things .. especially medical things ... mainly b/c my truths are never believe because... Mon, 8 Sep 2014 08:06:51 EST 09/07/2014 daily struggle http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775198 so it's absolutely gorgeous outside today ... a perfect autumnal day .. foggy and crisp morning ... that burns off to sunny and balmy midday with a few clouds and breeze ... then probably perfect campfire evening <BR> <BR> and where am I?? inside .. with PJs on .. wanting to take a nap despite having actually rested and slept for over 13 hours last night .... all because i drove 20 miles to Lancaster and back. I hate that such little activity wore me out! I hate that I feel exhausted. I hate... Sun, 7 Sep 2014 14:16:59 EST 09/01/2014 took the plunge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5771136 no .. not polar bear or ice bucket ... with fibromyalgia . .are you kidding!!?!?!? I'd end up frozen and stuck <BR> <BR> no after moping around most of the day yesterday with emotions, a headache, fibro pain, heat, swelling, etc , etc ... i ended up taking a pain pill to function the second half of the day <BR> <BR> today i've managed no pain med but did drink two cups coffee ... instead of Monster or Sunkist that I'm out of and can't afford. I'll have to tweak my formula some b/c i want it... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 12:11:48 EST 08/24/2014 where is my energy? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5766003 so today in Athens there's a Tony Hawk and Birdhouse skate demo at the local skatepark .. it starts at 2p. I have no idea how popular or busy it'll be ... but I really want to go .. i'm hoping the weather cooperates b/c i don't really do well in extreme heat and humidity <BR> <BR> but this isn't the time for whining or negativity <BR> <BR> i have my Sunkist will travel ..hehehe <BR> <BR> seriously though .. it's probably time for a pain med .. some stretching .. some jumping jacks .. a ban... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 11:53:48 EST 08/22/2014 it's about time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764972 so today will be busy .. i got to sleep in .. after waking up to lightning at 230a, closing windows, calming Tuna, taking more meds ... <BR> <BR> today will be fun! I've already painted my nails, about to the whole getting ready thing and spiking mohawk and whatnott ... <BR> <BR> tip: don't drink 2 Sunkist while painting fingernails unless you have a large bladder with mucho control!! <BR> <BR> i'm happy today b/c i choose to be .. and bc i get to see some friends and my bf (who has propos... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 13:53:13 EST 08/21/2014 slave to the caffeine http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764220 so even after lazily laying and stretching in bed for about 1.5 hours ... i still think .. oh it's cooler outside today - YAY <BR> <BR> .. so don't want to waste it with no energy .. or pain <BR> <BR> .... so i take a pain med knowing it'll kick in in about 20 min <BR> <BR> and then when I get to the kitchen .. and grab a banana <BR> <BR> I'm still like OOOOOhhh caffeine!! and grab a Sunkist <BR> <BR> I even told my bf yesterday he'd probably have to teach me the ways of the coffee soon ... Thu, 21 Aug 2014 11:17:54 EST 08/20/2014 reassurance when needed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763882 so i've been pretty emotional today ... for whatever reason <BR> <BR> just accept it and deal with the moments as they come and go <BR> <BR> ... thankfully i went on a great walk (pushed twice as long and faster than I had planned) <BR> <BR> ... was assertive enough to explain to my bf why i was upset about certain conversations (could explain why i was upset, why feeling upset made me feel like crap, and why that triggered guilt) .. guess what .. he still loves me .. hhehe .. i say that a... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:07:03 EST 08/20/2014 I feel this way too often http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763712 so I sent this text to my bf earlier ... <BR> <BR> I feel a little bit like I'm not accomplishing much today. . But really I've given blood sample, bought groceries, fixed breakfast, lunch, snack, dealt w kitchen drain, pooped, updated meds list, printed it, updated doc list and timeline, checked the mail and post office, cleared more email... <BR> <BR> then added this part and sent it all to a friend: <BR> <BR> I should be proud of myself for what I have done.. Not what is still to do <BR... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 16:37:52 EST 08/05/2014 DBT skills (event interpretation) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753835 warning: English and me aren't getting along today ... i feel like I'm stuttering, stammering, and making my own weird sentence structure when I talk or write... so there's your warning :) <BR> <BR> one thing we do in DBT are event recognition exercises ... there's a wheel diagram <BR> <BR> event ... your interpretation of the event ... your feelings about the event ... action urge (what you instinctively feel like doing) ... action (you actually take) .. the result of that action <BR> <BR... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 18:51:44 EST 08/05/2014 making progress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753817 i am feeling a teensy bit better today ... took pain meds so I could start tackling the unpacking and organizing of stuff .. i have too much stuff again .. I will DEFINITELY feel mentally cleaner when the rooms are clean and stuff put away <BR> <BR> i'm grateful for the gorgeous weather we had today in SE Ohio. I got a few misc walks in. <BR> <BR> I didn't do so hot on the healthy food front but I was lazy and just fixed a frozen pizza thing. i sprinkle the healthier stuff throughout the da... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 18:04:04 EST 08/04/2014 returned to DBT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753183 so today was full of nerves and anxiousness and reconnecting and reading <BR> <BR> i got to rejoin my DBT group today. it was great to catch up with friends and see new faces alike. i was anxious to sit in the waiting room .. wasn't just gals from the group but other folks waiting on their counselors and docs and such.. so sometimes tense <BR> <BR> i loved getting back into group and getting to chat and practice, again, all the things that helped me once before <BR> <BR> my daily gratitude... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 21:00:23 EST 08/03/2014 i'll just leave these here http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752438 i've been feeling blah and sickly and dealing with pain as usual ... these help <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/1/l615049671.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1956586760.jpg"> Sun, 3 Aug 2014 19:50:33 EST 07/30/2014 live and learn http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749611 I saw that during my time away my progress story motivated some folks.. I'll respond directly soon. I promise. <BR> <BR> i'll try to keep this brief and add other blogs to go more in-depth on some topics when I have more time. <BR> <BR> it's been a crazy year ... was sick the first two months of 2014; enough so that i had to withdraw from art school and move home (talk about traumatic) <BR> <BR> it took about 2 months to recover from that sickness and then a few days later mom and I had t... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:18:27 EST 06/11/2014 a day in the life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715741 so i fell asleep pretty easily bc of a muscle relaxer [my fibro pain was horrible yesterday probably bc of exhaustion and rain] ... but i had nightmares and I fought everyone and everything within reach :-( <BR> <BR> woke up at 530am pretty angry and still horribly sore :-( sometimes i really want to rip my muscles out.. shake them out like a dirty rug and think about putting them back in *ugh* <BR> <BR> got up and fed the cat, did stretches and some cardio to try to loosen up, lazily check... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 11:58:27 EST 06/04/2014 i've come a long way baby http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710646 earlier today i posted this pic on Facebook with caption: <BR> <BR> Gonna wash that man... errr gray. .... err bleach outta my hair. ... #SLCPunk #PunksDead fun begins slowly <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1307551015.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> ... and i saw it just now as I scrolled through my feed and I thought ... <BR> <BR> so WOW ... looking at this pic kind of makes me realize just how much weight i've actually lost .... 105 pounds number wise is one thing .... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 15:25:02 EST 05/27/2014 beautiful chaos http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704274 so it kind of feels like i've jumped down the rabbit hole ... i think it's because I did <BR> <BR> i can't quite remember what I've written here ... but the last week of April ... Thur evening April 24 to be exact mom and i found out the apartment we'd been planning to move into in mid June was no longer going to be available.... but if we could move beginning of May then we had a place. ... so for those of us lacking basic math skills ... we went from almost 2 months to move to having less ... Tue, 27 May 2014 10:34:36 EST 05/14/2014 inspiration http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5694712 I've actually been told this and it's quite possibly the most genuine compliment I can receive and believe. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/8/l283734743.jpg"> Wed, 14 May 2014 08:36:58 EST 04/03/2014 SparkAversary - 2 years http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675398 i joined this site 2 years ago. For the first 6 months I just spun the wheel for points b/c it was something different and fun. <BR> <BR> Then when I couldn't walk (toenail injuries) and then couldn't eat (bad nerve ending in a tooth I didn't want pulled out) ... I started losing weight. and thought I should probably try doing it in a healthier way <BR> <BR> ... well I decided to start reading the info about walking and nutrition <BR> <BR> ... here i am now 100 pounds lighter for awhile n... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 23:07:47 EST 04/18/2014 proactive instead of worry! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675228 so i've been a bit (UNDERstatement) overwhelmed lately. i seem to have either no thoughts, trouble thinking (focusing), or zillion thoughts at once. <BR> <BR> i'm excited to plan for the move in June (i like new things and new scenery and new adventures), SLC Punk sequel concert scene trip in June, mom and dad's birthdays in May, setting up new phone (yay free), giving necessary places my new #, baseball game in May (yay Groupon), and a concert in July, then i get hung up or caught up in thi... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:10:47 EST 04/16/2014 trying something new in order to find new purpose http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5673867 so I've been quiet on here lately ... I've been in a funk .. in a rut ... eating poorly ... not socializing .. etc <BR> <BR> i almost stayed in bed all day today b/c i was cold and i hurt ... well i can only fantasize so long about floating in a sea of molten lava to warm up ... my muscles don't relax ... they just constantly hurt from the bone outward <BR> <BR> and there's things to be done .. life to live .. places to visit .. .new friends to make .. etc <BR> <BR> i got my new phone .. i... Wed, 16 Apr 2014 21:03:21 EST 04/08/2014 taking those small steps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5667056 so yesterday i managed to sleep in a little bit b/c of the gloomy weather. that's 2 days in a row. so of course i hurt A LOT. <BR> <BR> well i attempted to get some walks in but every time i went outside it poured within 30 seconds. then it'd stop like 5 min later. finally i just gave up trying b/c i didn't want to keep (literally) running back inside. <BR> <BR> i got part of the living room organized and almost ready for us to pack stuff and did that for almost an hour. and yet none of it ... Tue, 8 Apr 2014 04:15:07 EST 04/06/2014 it matters http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5665425 quote i said earlier “Addiction is a process of buying into false and empty promises: the false promise of relief, the false promise of emotional security, the false promise of fulfillment, and the false sense of intimacy with the world,” writes Craig Nakken in his book “The Addictive Personality.” --- <BR> <BR> this quite why i choose to pick up a drink .. i've tried sober/clean for almost 20 moments some few years ago. i ended up treating treatment and meetings like my own addiction sup... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 02:26:29 EST 04/03/2014 keep trying http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5663777 i have been thinking i'm pretty OK .. even really thrilled with my body at this 170 weight ... sure i might go up a bit every now and then but i'm pretty used to intestinal issues that cause the flux. <BR> <BR> so i put my SparkPeople settings on maint mode ... if i lose more terrific .. if not .. i'm happy with that <BR> <BR> i need to read <link>www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes<BR>s_articles.asp?id=1754 </link> article a few more times to get all the message out b/c i only skimmed ... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 20:18:29 EST 03/28/2014 blog before social media http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5658624 thought i'd blog before i check any social media or email before starting my day <BR> <BR> i slept!! wait that deserves caps .. I SLEPT!!!!! it was wonderful. i did laundry last night so I washed my sleep mask that I thought I'd lost while at school.... i forgot how much it helps! yaayyy.. i'm still awash with sleepy happy glow <BR> <BR> i feel lighter today ... so i took some measurements !! WOWZER ... guess i've lost some girth but didn't realize the #'s ... i don't think my waist has EVE... Fri, 28 Mar 2014 12:27:18 EST 03/23/2014 every little bit helps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654895 forgiveness isn't exactly in my bag of tricks ... but today i was looking at my wrist tattoo and decided i had gotten it for many reasons. and well one of those is to appreciate every minute ... i suppose others should have the same possibility <BR> <BR> even those that decide to get my anger to rise up ... there are many reasons and many ways they could ... but i decided today wasn't going to belong to them. i suppose they deserve to think of a particular day for different reasons than i re... Sun, 23 Mar 2014 21:40:00 EST 03/23/2014 maybe soon http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654668 i re-read my previous blog and fixed a few typos... i realized ... getting that diploma from HS and OSU were the only two major things in life i think i've started and seen to fruition. that's something (sarcasm mixed with truth). and that lawyer didn't call. i called in and got it rescheduled for Mon but it still may not happen. <BR> <BR> i'm possibly ready to shake loose of this downward spiral. i'm still not sure where i'm headed. i definitely didn't want to get out of bed today. and the ... Sun, 23 Mar 2014 14:51:03 EST 03/20/2014 how to begin again (this ended up being a tell-too-much) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5652838 i'm not ready yet ... it gets more difficult each time .. how many more times will i have figure out what to do with my life <BR> <BR> it seemed so easy as a 3rd grader or whenever i decided before that .. that I was going to be a podiatrist <BR> <BR> i proceeded towards that goal <BR> <BR> - through grade school (and 2 hour one way bus rides that started before dawn) <BR> - through being better friends with my bus driver than my classmates <BR> - through being teased for being a tall, scr... Fri, 21 Mar 2014 00:30:51 EST