KIMBERLY0916's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KIMBERLY0916 KIMBERLY0916's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 09/18/2014 from zero concept to BE confident TODAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782370 so much of my life has been lived with pain .. from fibro to mental illness to bicycle accidents and other mishaps .. i don't know what pain is supposed to be tolerable and what isn't <BR> <BR> i often get told i'm dramatic at describing things ..so much so that i'm not believed b/c they think i'm exaggerating <BR> <BR> problem is ... that's usually when i'm telling the truth as best as i know how <BR> <BR> it's days like today that i minimize everything i'm feeling and the pain levels b/c... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 13:37:29 EST 09/18/2014 so many *THIS so much THIS* happening today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782318 so after i posted the previous blog about being bipolar ... i see this gem in my newsfeed <BR> <BR> --- This paper was turned in by a 2nd grader with Autism. Look over the paper carefully - see what he did here? We say he deserves an A+! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/1/l913413945.jpg"> <BR> <BR> --- my response <BR> <BR> THIS .. THIS is why i try to stress to my loved ones the importance of word choice; especially in instructions! <BR> <BR> and don't forget t... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 12:13:40 EST 09/18/2014 a morning in the life... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782307 so i typed this about an hour ago .. well i started it an hour ago ... <BR> <BR> was hungry so i got out milk and had just poured a bowl of cereal .. the phone rang .. made appointment .. got distracted by FB for awhile .. then the cat .. then wanted to clip my hair up .. but got the cat some dry food instead .. some more FB .. then laughed at this article .. then finally thought about my hair again ... and the call to the nurse line about what couldn't i do b/c of pain today .. and at some ... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 11:55:31 EST 09/15/2014 comparison ... for fun http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5780398 normally i hate comparison stuff ... like I love you . .i love you more .. IT ISN'T A COMPETITION .. no comparison necessary in my opinion <BR> <BR> then there are some things that are fun to compare like ... <BR> <BR> tooting my own horn here ... i saw a friend do this then and now pic comparison so I put this together ... 1994 and 2014 ... do I actually look younger/better now or I falling off my unicorn/delusional? *(grin)* <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 15:11:23 EST 09/12/2014 positive messages for the day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778604 i got some sleep .. starting to get over this cold/infection/recovery from flu shot/whatever crap ... not quite energetic yet but def on road to getting better <BR> <BR> here's some positive messages for today <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/8/l285583447.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2074482434.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> and i'm looking forward to seeing my fiance soon and spending the weekend together <BR> <em>224</em> Fri, 12 Sep 2014 13:02:30 EST 09/11/2014 Never Forget? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778027 maybe i'm being insensitive ... all these Never Forget posts and such ... you know what .. I've been trying for 13 years to forget! ... to forget that this summer 2001 i had to withdraw from the best internship and adventure excursion program of my life b/c of migraines ... to forget that 9/11 happened ... to forget that I lost some friends from the summer program in NYC and surrounding areas ... to forget that i got drunk all weekend and drove when i shouldn't have ... to forget that i had t... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 15:08:36 EST 09/08/2014 Kimberly Odds http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775806 I've had the worst muscle pain this weekend [part of which i expressed some emotion about yesterday .. and yes i did go for that walk .. pic at the bottom of this post .. some others on FB] <BR> <BR> ... I've actually survived car accidents (and punk concerts <em>36</em> ) that I've felt better after! <BR> <BR> I went to the ER for an unrelated thing last night and learned my temp was: 98.6 [aka a fever for me] and BP: 148 over 97 [high] ... which I've only had problems with that 2x tim... Mon, 8 Sep 2014 10:57:26 EST 09/08/2014 rocks?! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775668 i clicked on this article thinking I'd share it b/c i know some pretty pessimistic sounding folks ... that's what i thought this article might be about/for ... but NOPE .. I teared up and laughed ... at myself .. when I got to the part about her shaking a literal rock out of her shoe ... "He laughed out loud when the meteor flew out because it was the size of my big toe." <BR> <BR> as someone who minimizes things .. especially medical things ... mainly b/c my truths are never believe because... Mon, 8 Sep 2014 08:06:51 EST 09/07/2014 daily struggle http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775198 so it's absolutely gorgeous outside today ... a perfect autumnal day .. foggy and crisp morning ... that burns off to sunny and balmy midday with a few clouds and breeze ... then probably perfect campfire evening <BR> <BR> and where am I?? inside .. with PJs on .. wanting to take a nap despite having actually rested and slept for over 13 hours last night .... all because i drove 20 miles to Lancaster and back. I hate that such little activity wore me out! I hate that I feel exhausted. I hate... Sun, 7 Sep 2014 14:16:59 EST 09/01/2014 took the plunge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5771136 no .. not polar bear or ice bucket ... with fibromyalgia . .are you kidding!!?!?!? I'd end up frozen and stuck <BR> <BR> no after moping around most of the day yesterday with emotions, a headache, fibro pain, heat, swelling, etc , etc ... i ended up taking a pain pill to function the second half of the day <BR> <BR> today i've managed no pain med but did drink two cups coffee ... instead of Monster or Sunkist that I'm out of and can't afford. I'll have to tweak my formula some b/c i want it... Mon, 1 Sep 2014 12:11:48 EST 08/24/2014 where is my energy? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5766003 so today in Athens there's a Tony Hawk and Birdhouse skate demo at the local skatepark .. it starts at 2p. I have no idea how popular or busy it'll be ... but I really want to go .. i'm hoping the weather cooperates b/c i don't really do well in extreme heat and humidity <BR> <BR> but this isn't the time for whining or negativity <BR> <BR> i have my Sunkist will travel ..hehehe <BR> <BR> seriously though .. it's probably time for a pain med .. some stretching .. some jumping jacks .. a ban... Sun, 24 Aug 2014 11:53:48 EST 08/22/2014 it's about time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764972 so today will be busy .. i got to sleep in .. after waking up to lightning at 230a, closing windows, calming Tuna, taking more meds ... <BR> <BR> today will be fun! I've already painted my nails, about to the whole getting ready thing and spiking mohawk and whatnott ... <BR> <BR> tip: don't drink 2 Sunkist while painting fingernails unless you have a large bladder with mucho control!! <BR> <BR> i'm happy today b/c i choose to be .. and bc i get to see some friends and my bf (who has propos... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 13:53:13 EST 08/21/2014 slave to the caffeine http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5764220 so even after lazily laying and stretching in bed for about 1.5 hours ... i still think .. oh it's cooler outside today - YAY <BR> <BR> .. so don't want to waste it with no energy .. or pain <BR> <BR> .... so i take a pain med knowing it'll kick in in about 20 min <BR> <BR> and then when I get to the kitchen .. and grab a banana <BR> <BR> I'm still like OOOOOhhh caffeine!! and grab a Sunkist <BR> <BR> I even told my bf yesterday he'd probably have to teach me the ways of the coffee soon ... Thu, 21 Aug 2014 11:17:54 EST 08/20/2014 reassurance when needed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763882 so i've been pretty emotional today ... for whatever reason <BR> <BR> just accept it and deal with the moments as they come and go <BR> <BR> ... thankfully i went on a great walk (pushed twice as long and faster than I had planned) <BR> <BR> ... was assertive enough to explain to my bf why i was upset about certain conversations (could explain why i was upset, why feeling upset made me feel like crap, and why that triggered guilt) .. guess what .. he still loves me .. hhehe .. i say that a... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 22:07:03 EST 08/20/2014 I feel this way too often http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5763712 so I sent this text to my bf earlier ... <BR> <BR> I feel a little bit like I'm not accomplishing much today. . But really I've given blood sample, bought groceries, fixed breakfast, lunch, snack, dealt w kitchen drain, pooped, updated meds list, printed it, updated doc list and timeline, checked the mail and post office, cleared more email... <BR> <BR> then added this part and sent it all to a friend: <BR> <BR> I should be proud of myself for what I have done.. Not what is still to do <BR... Wed, 20 Aug 2014 16:37:52 EST 08/05/2014 DBT skills (event interpretation) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753835 warning: English and me aren't getting along today ... i feel like I'm stuttering, stammering, and making my own weird sentence structure when I talk or write... so there's your warning :) <BR> <BR> one thing we do in DBT are event recognition exercises ... there's a wheel diagram <BR> <BR> event ... your interpretation of the event ... your feelings about the event ... action urge (what you instinctively feel like doing) ... action (you actually take) .. the result of that action <BR> <BR... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 18:51:44 EST 08/05/2014 making progress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753817 i am feeling a teensy bit better today ... took pain meds so I could start tackling the unpacking and organizing of stuff .. i have too much stuff again .. I will DEFINITELY feel mentally cleaner when the rooms are clean and stuff put away <BR> <BR> i'm grateful for the gorgeous weather we had today in SE Ohio. I got a few misc walks in. <BR> <BR> I didn't do so hot on the healthy food front but I was lazy and just fixed a frozen pizza thing. i sprinkle the healthier stuff throughout the da... Tue, 5 Aug 2014 18:04:04 EST 08/04/2014 returned to DBT http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753183 so today was full of nerves and anxiousness and reconnecting and reading <BR> <BR> i got to rejoin my DBT group today. it was great to catch up with friends and see new faces alike. i was anxious to sit in the waiting room .. wasn't just gals from the group but other folks waiting on their counselors and docs and such.. so sometimes tense <BR> <BR> i loved getting back into group and getting to chat and practice, again, all the things that helped me once before <BR> <BR> my daily gratitude... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 21:00:23 EST 08/03/2014 i'll just leave these here http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5752438 i've been feeling blah and sickly and dealing with pain as usual ... these help <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/1/l615049671.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1956586760.jpg"> Sun, 3 Aug 2014 19:50:33 EST 07/30/2014 live and learn http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5749611 I saw that during my time away my progress story motivated some folks.. I'll respond directly soon. I promise. <BR> <BR> i'll try to keep this brief and add other blogs to go more in-depth on some topics when I have more time. <BR> <BR> it's been a crazy year ... was sick the first two months of 2014; enough so that i had to withdraw from art school and move home (talk about traumatic) <BR> <BR> it took about 2 months to recover from that sickness and then a few days later mom and I had t... Wed, 30 Jul 2014 11:18:27 EST 06/11/2014 a day in the life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5715741 so i fell asleep pretty easily bc of a muscle relaxer [my fibro pain was horrible yesterday probably bc of exhaustion and rain] ... but i had nightmares and I fought everyone and everything within reach :-( <BR> <BR> woke up at 530am pretty angry and still horribly sore :-( sometimes i really want to rip my muscles out.. shake them out like a dirty rug and think about putting them back in *ugh* <BR> <BR> got up and fed the cat, did stretches and some cardio to try to loosen up, lazily check... Wed, 11 Jun 2014 11:58:27 EST 06/04/2014 i've come a long way baby http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710646 earlier today i posted this pic on Facebook with caption: <BR> <BR> Gonna wash that man... errr gray. .... err bleach outta my hair. ... #SLCPunk #PunksDead fun begins slowly <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1307551015.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> ... and i saw it just now as I scrolled through my feed and I thought ... <BR> <BR> so WOW ... looking at this pic kind of makes me realize just how much weight i've actually lost .... 105 pounds number wise is one thing .... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 15:25:02 EST 05/27/2014 beautiful chaos http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704274 so it kind of feels like i've jumped down the rabbit hole ... i think it's because I did <BR> <BR> i can't quite remember what I've written here ... but the last week of April ... Thur evening April 24 to be exact mom and i found out the apartment we'd been planning to move into in mid June was no longer going to be available.... but if we could move beginning of May then we had a place. ... so for those of us lacking basic math skills ... we went from almost 2 months to move to having less ... Tue, 27 May 2014 10:34:36 EST 05/14/2014 inspiration http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5694712 I've actually been told this and it's quite possibly the most genuine compliment I can receive and believe. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/8/l283734743.jpg"> Wed, 14 May 2014 08:36:58 EST 04/03/2014 SparkAversary - 2 years http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675398 i joined this site 2 years ago. For the first 6 months I just spun the wheel for points b/c it was something different and fun. <BR> <BR> Then when I couldn't walk (toenail injuries) and then couldn't eat (bad nerve ending in a tooth I didn't want pulled out) ... I started losing weight. and thought I should probably try doing it in a healthier way <BR> <BR> ... well I decided to start reading the info about walking and nutrition <BR> <BR> ... here i am now 100 pounds lighter for awhile n... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 23:07:47 EST 04/18/2014 proactive instead of worry! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5675228 so i've been a bit (UNDERstatement) overwhelmed lately. i seem to have either no thoughts, trouble thinking (focusing), or zillion thoughts at once. <BR> <BR> i'm excited to plan for the move in June (i like new things and new scenery and new adventures), SLC Punk sequel concert scene trip in June, mom and dad's birthdays in May, setting up new phone (yay free), giving necessary places my new #, baseball game in May (yay Groupon), and a concert in July, then i get hung up or caught up in thi... Fri, 18 Apr 2014 17:10:47 EST 04/16/2014 trying something new in order to find new purpose http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5673867 so I've been quiet on here lately ... I've been in a funk .. in a rut ... eating poorly ... not socializing .. etc <BR> <BR> i almost stayed in bed all day today b/c i was cold and i hurt ... well i can only fantasize so long about floating in a sea of molten lava to warm up ... my muscles don't relax ... they just constantly hurt from the bone outward <BR> <BR> and there's things to be done .. life to live .. places to visit .. .new friends to make .. etc <BR> <BR> i got my new phone .. i... Wed, 16 Apr 2014 21:03:21 EST 04/08/2014 taking those small steps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5667056 so yesterday i managed to sleep in a little bit b/c of the gloomy weather. that's 2 days in a row. so of course i hurt A LOT. <BR> <BR> well i attempted to get some walks in but every time i went outside it poured within 30 seconds. then it'd stop like 5 min later. finally i just gave up trying b/c i didn't want to keep (literally) running back inside. <BR> <BR> i got part of the living room organized and almost ready for us to pack stuff and did that for almost an hour. and yet none of it ... Tue, 8 Apr 2014 04:15:07 EST 04/06/2014 it matters http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5665425 quote i said earlier “Addiction is a process of buying into false and empty promises: the false promise of relief, the false promise of emotional security, the false promise of fulfillment, and the false sense of intimacy with the world,” writes Craig Nakken in his book “The Addictive Personality.” --- <BR> <BR> this quite why i choose to pick up a drink .. i've tried sober/clean for almost 20 moments some few years ago. i ended up treating treatment and meetings like my own addiction sup... Sun, 6 Apr 2014 02:26:29 EST 04/03/2014 keep trying http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5663777 i have been thinking i'm pretty OK .. even really thrilled with my body at this 170 weight ... sure i might go up a bit every now and then but i'm pretty used to intestinal issues that cause the flux. <BR> <BR> so i put my SparkPeople settings on maint mode ... if i lose more terrific .. if not .. i'm happy with that <BR> <BR> i need to read <link>www.sparkpeople.com/resource/wellnes<BR>s_articles.asp?id=1754 </link> article a few more times to get all the message out b/c i only skimmed ... Thu, 3 Apr 2014 20:18:29 EST 03/28/2014 blog before social media http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5658624 thought i'd blog before i check any social media or email before starting my day <BR> <BR> i slept!! wait that deserves caps .. I SLEPT!!!!! it was wonderful. i did laundry last night so I washed my sleep mask that I thought I'd lost while at school.... i forgot how much it helps! yaayyy.. i'm still awash with sleepy happy glow <BR> <BR> i feel lighter today ... so i took some measurements !! WOWZER ... guess i've lost some girth but didn't realize the #'s ... i don't think my waist has EVE... Fri, 28 Mar 2014 12:27:18 EST 03/23/2014 every little bit helps http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654895 forgiveness isn't exactly in my bag of tricks ... but today i was looking at my wrist tattoo and decided i had gotten it for many reasons. and well one of those is to appreciate every minute ... i suppose others should have the same possibility <BR> <BR> even those that decide to get my anger to rise up ... there are many reasons and many ways they could ... but i decided today wasn't going to belong to them. i suppose they deserve to think of a particular day for different reasons than i re... Sun, 23 Mar 2014 21:40:00 EST 03/23/2014 maybe soon http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5654668 i re-read my previous blog and fixed a few typos... i realized ... getting that diploma from HS and OSU were the only two major things in life i think i've started and seen to fruition. that's something (sarcasm mixed with truth). and that lawyer didn't call. i called in and got it rescheduled for Mon but it still may not happen. <BR> <BR> i'm possibly ready to shake loose of this downward spiral. i'm still not sure where i'm headed. i definitely didn't want to get out of bed today. and the ... Sun, 23 Mar 2014 14:51:03 EST 03/20/2014 how to begin again (this ended up being a tell-too-much) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5652838 i'm not ready yet ... it gets more difficult each time .. how many more times will i have figure out what to do with my life <BR> <BR> it seemed so easy as a 3rd grader or whenever i decided before that .. that I was going to be a podiatrist <BR> <BR> i proceeded towards that goal <BR> <BR> - through grade school (and 2 hour one way bus rides that started before dawn) <BR> - through being better friends with my bus driver than my classmates <BR> - through being teased for being a tall, scr... Fri, 21 Mar 2014 00:30:51 EST 03/20/2014 spiral http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5652562 it'd be nice to say things are getting better .. i suppose in some regards they are ... but i've lost a lot and still feel lost .. and i've definitely been in self-loathing mode .. and i can't seem to stop eating <BR> <BR> i've also been really enjoying a Justified marathon <BR> <BR> wonder when i'll figure out a next step Thu, 20 Mar 2014 16:24:01 EST 03/15/2014 moderation or celebration? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5648537 a lot of people say everything in moderation .. and of course i can agree with that ... it's very helpful <BR> <BR> for me I also know I love to celebrate! and i haven't gotten to properly celebrate St Patrick's Day since 2011 ... and i'm already getting ready <BR> <BR> i hit 170 pounds this morning which i believe now makes it officially tracked 100 pounds lost! WOOT WOOT <BR> <BR> now just in time for lots of beer and pizza and peeps ... but ya know what ... i planned for it .. i won't c... Sat, 15 Mar 2014 16:13:16 EST 03/11/2014 the future .. the present ... accept the past http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5645387 so a lot is up in the air right now ..... <BR> <BR> i was attending art school (at least the bags and art supplies tell me so .. bc quite honestly it feels like it was a dream) and I was working (albeit very very briefly and only part time) and I was making friends (hopefully we'll stay in touch). i was contemplating a job at a Cincy restaurant downtown and it would have been a blast! <BR> <BR> and now that's gone. <BR> <BR> i had an unknown illness that gave me a 100* fever for a few mont... Tue, 11 Mar 2014 13:17:19 EST 03/10/2014 gratitude http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5644287 so in case ya missed me plastering it everywhere yesterday - LOL - i was a featured Success Story <BR> <BR> <link>www.sparkpeople.com/blog/blog.asp?po<BR>st=kimberly_dropped_100_pounds_and_bea<BR>t_ibs_fibromyalgia_and_bipolar_disorde<BR>r_with_healthy_eating_and_exercise </link> <BR> <BR> i am beaming with pride and reading all the comments are fun. <BR> <BR> i never started out this journey to be an inspiration ... but WOW does it feel GREAT to be one Mon, 10 Mar 2014 09:46:09 EST 03/08/2014 life will always (yes always) throw exceptions http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5642886 i wouldn't be a great scientific mind / coder / logical person if I didn't plan for exceptions or contingencies. .. notice I said plan for .. not expect ... although these days even as optimistic as I am or can be ... i tend to expect the oddball reaction or circumstance .. but not always <BR> <BR> i don't really mean to speak in riddles but my addled mind is fluent in puzzles and logic ... this includes use of always, never, sometimes, most times, etc .. b/c while some ppl may remember some... Sat, 8 Mar 2014 12:14:40 EST 03/07/2014 finding positives http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5642462 so i'm not in school anymore ... but i continue to find the positives from a less than ideal situation (My DBT leader would be beaming with pride :-) <BR> <BR> - i can sleep whenever I want/can <BR> - i can sleep how ever long I want/can <BR> - minimal time obligations <BR> - can relax and take my time with something <BR> - can fix healthy meals at home <BR> - can go for a walk anytime I want <BR> - can go for a walk for any distance i want <BR> - i can wear pajamas ALL THE TIME!!!! <BR> - i... Fri, 7 Mar 2014 21:11:50 EST 03/05/2014 if you stumble make it part of the dance http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5640172 great seeing all the motivation in one place!! --- i just read that as part of TIME2BLOOM4ME's blog (I don't know how to link names) ... and one that stuck out that i often have liked ... if you stumble make it part of the dance <BR> <BR> today is going to be hard for me emotionally (withdrawing from school and saying bye to some friends i've made over the past 6 months) ... a LOT of them fully believe in me, my abilities not just as an artist but as a friend and motivator, and more <BR> <B... Wed, 5 Mar 2014 08:18:54 EST 03/04/2014 decision http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5639868 so i can finally tell people .... <BR> <BR> tomorrow won't be easy. I've been sick too long. too long to make up the work I've missed this quarter at school. We are going tomorrow with a cargo van. I will withdraw from school and come home and get well. temporary setback! <BR> <BR> at least that's what i keep telling myself so that I'll believe it! <BR> <BR> some want me to apply for disability again with a lawyer. i'm def not ready for that. <BR> <BR> i'm not giving in. i'm not giving up... Tue, 4 Mar 2014 20:57:13 EST 02/28/2014 struggling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5636584 so today was ... tough <BR> <BR> I've learned it helps me to talk things out ... or type as the case may be <BR> <BR> a week or so whatever ago (time management is gone to me) i bought a car from a friend. well i had an oil change done on that car and then an inspection... that inspection basically told me the brakes were shot and tons of other repairs ... costs upwards of $1800+ <BR> <BR> so amidst the school stress and sickness stress (I've been feverish and fatigued since end of Dec wit... Sat, 1 Mar 2014 02:38:35 EST 02/27/2014 perhaps decisions http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5635683 so it's really hard to make decisions when a 100* fever persists ... but .... on i push <BR> <BR> today i got a shirt .. for less than the sticker price ... and with more motivation than the mere words screened on <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/3/l235645017.jpg"> <BR> <BR> -- things aren't certain yet ... but i believe I will be working on only an Associate's Degree instead of a Bachelor's Degree .. <BR> <BR> mainly b/c of cost, b/c i already have a bachelors, b/c th... Thu, 27 Feb 2014 23:36:52 EST 02/24/2014 contemplation time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5632770 so apparently i've been sick .. LOL .. understatment <BR> <BR> not only did i listen to a couple of my favorite band's (Green Day) songs but it took me a min or so to realize it what song and what band OY!!! OY !!!! <BR> <BR> then mom pointed out that I work at Wal-GREEN's .. LOL <BR> <BR> and keeping with SparkPeople theme .. the back of my work shirt says <BR> <BR> "Every day I help people Get, Stay AND LIVE WELL" <BR> <BR> how awesome is that!! <BR> <BR> so as i'm starting to get my ... Mon, 24 Feb 2014 18:20:30 EST 02/23/2014 I wonder what it feels like to exist without pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5631471 a conversation started with this simple status update I made last night..... <BR> <BR> someone said they'd trade with me b/c then maybe they'd feel something instead of being numb ... these were some of my responses <BR> <BR> -- -- <BR> <BR> i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy .. ok well maybe a few of the worst ... <BR> <BR> <BR> there are much better things to feel that pain. i've been there done that .. don't know how i survived ... cept i know i got sick of being sick and tired a... Sun, 23 Feb 2014 10:07:44 EST 02/19/2014 synchronicity http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5628697 here's another one for the books <BR> <BR> i realized today that the Walgreen's Balance Rewards card symbol is an infinity ... i've been allured by that symbol almost my whole life <BR> <BR> and as i went through training on pharmacy, photo, history, etc .... i learned quite a few remarkable things like foundation of rotary club principles, be well, bringing retail health and daily living to everyone, health center with staffed RNs and almost no wait times <BR> <BR> Walgreen's invented fir... Wed, 19 Feb 2014 21:12:04 EST 02/1/2014 weird day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5627773 so today has been overall good .. but it was rough getting through it .. let's see if i can remember it all ... and no i don't know why i'm sharing it all here ... but it is what it is ... i always feel talking or writing about something helps me to accept and heal. <BR> <BR> ... woke up in agony b/c i have fibromyalgia and cold air/weather makes me freeze up and hurt... well my bed is underneath a vent .. someone had turned the central heating down to 45 instead of the 80 it's usually set t... Tue, 18 Feb 2014 22:11:26 EST 02/17/2014 here's something new for me ... GOALS http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5626762 i kind of suck at setting, making, keeping goals ... i tend to think of it as room for error ... room for failure .. and i don't like leaving that door open. so ... i just do what i can as I can for as long as I can and see what becomes of it :-) <BR> <BR> so the Question of the Day in one my groups was what are your mini-goals (for now) and here's my response: <BR> <BR> i've been hovering in the 170s for awhile. but i've also been really sick until today ... so short term .. get back to he... Mon, 17 Feb 2014 19:59:19 EST 02/15/2014 how do i stand? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5624984 question: tomorrow is my second day at Walgreen's ... I have to basically stand with some walking around for almost 7 hours (with two 15 min breaks) ... <BR> <BR> i have basically been at a desk job or sedentary for the majority of my life ... exceptions being a decade ago ... and recently with lots of walking and stretching stuff <BR> <BR> so..... tips and tricks for standing that long? <BR> <BR> thankfully we are allowed to wear sneakers ..so i wore my walking shoes on the first shift. b... Sat, 15 Feb 2014 17:51:19 EST