KIMBERLY0916's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KIMBERLY0916 KIMBERLY0916's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ 02/25/2015 well whaddya know ... miracles can happen http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5882574 so normally I'd laugh hysterically at anyone who got a call that goes something like .. verify your current contact info, verify approx amount student loans .. yes you may qualify, give us soc sec num and we'll look up info .. yes you qualify and could potentially save thousands or more... just pay us $166 for 3 months then it'll be whatever per month you qualify for, and at the end of 10 years balance is forgive... uhm... yeah right <BR> <BR> but what I left out is that information got ente... Wed, 25 Feb 2015 15:17:51 EST 02/22/2015 yes yes yes (could be more positive though) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5880714 hi all. snow snow and more snow but there was sunshine today .. for a little while anyways ... which will probably mean flooding and mud and muck ... woohoo (ok not really exciting but you would think it as much attention everyone gives to something that regularly happens EVERY YEAR) <BR> <BR> I am trying to not over analyze my physical and mental and financial issues <BR> ... yes I've been more sedentary than I like <BR> ... yes my food choices could be even healthier <BR> ... yes I cou... Sun, 22 Feb 2015 19:26:28 EST 02/22/2015 merely scratched the surface http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5880637 And I'll never get back that hour or so spent winding down the rabbit hole ... that started so innocently <BR> <BR> I was looking up a definition for S.T.G. which led me to Urban dictionary and Wikipedia <BR> ... and several different meanings (some hilarious others mean: stupid teenage girl, sexually transmitted Glitter / Guilt, spot the gay, Star Trek Generations, smash the granny) <BR> <BR> ... in this instance it meant Security Threat Group <BR> ... that linked to a Wiki of prison gan... Sun, 22 Feb 2015 16:49:55 EST 02/20/2015 MOVE closer to YOUR dreams and goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5879682 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1171789613.jpg"> <BR> <BR> as i'm sitting here working on a debt payoff plan I saw an incoming email about going back to school online. i thought hey, yeah, i HAVE been a little more stable lately so perhaps that really IS something i could do in the near future. and pick a major that excites me and not one just bc i'm great at it. <BR> <BR> and wouldn't ya know it .. BEFORE I even finished the positive thought i was already chiming in wit... Sat, 21 Feb 2015 00:11:07 EST 02/20/2015 it happened ... frozen over http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5879342 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1119526063.jpg"> <BR> <BR> everyone is familiar with the phrase <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/2/l221255514.jpg"> add Ohio to the list of H-LL on Earth <BR> <BR> you suppose we should keep an eye on the skies to spot flying pigs? <BR> <BR> i didn't sleep well and didn't want to leave the warm bed (that wasn't nearly as comfy as I'd like) but alas I can't stand lying around in bed (LOL yes accidental pun but it fits!) <BR... Fri, 20 Feb 2015 11:11:48 EST 02/18/2015 worry is a misuse of imagination http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5878200 i am noticing a lot of people, myself included, lately worrying ... about the weather, finances, food, loved ones <BR> <BR> so i am taking this moment to breathe. to pay attention to my mind and body. to not push myself too hard but still continue to push <BR> <BR> whether the pain is physical or emotional .. it's temporary <BR> <BR> we are all familiar with Carpe diem! (seize the day) but how about Carpe modo! (seize the NOW) <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/0/... Wed, 18 Feb 2015 14:55:13 EST 02/17/2015 celebrate ... you deserve it http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5877677 every little step is part of larger journey <BR> <BR> ... a lot of things may be out of your control so focus on things you CAN control <BR> <BR> TODAY I CHOOSE HAPPINESS <BR> <BR> ENGAGE your senses all the time as NOW is the only time we have <BR> <BR> * park far away from the entry door <BR> * make multiple trips to carry items (i.e. groceries, laundry, food prep) <BR> * take the stairs <BR> * walk around the house or the block <BR> <BR> * play (with pets, children, games) <BR> * jum... Tue, 17 Feb 2015 20:44:14 EST 02/01/2015 Super Bowl? more like super mindless eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5867155 so on this day of sports celebration .. or commercials .. or half time .. or extended coffee break .. whatever floats ones proverbial boat <BR> <BR> a lot of us mindlessly eat <BR> <BR> and while yes I consider this Super game day to be a terrific excuse to eat some unhealthier foods and relax restrictions <BR> <BR> i just inadvertently ate an entire box of Triscuits while binge-watching The Blacklist <BR> <BR> so yes not only have I been sedentary watching show after show with no commerc... Sun, 1 Feb 2015 12:57:27 EST 01/28/2015 went crazy and found my soulmate http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5866296 ... so uhm ... life is full of curve balls and unexpected chances ... at 2p Chris and I were married in a brief ceremony in my apartment with my mom and one of Chris' neighbors/friends .. who happens to be the current wife of someone I went to high school with (indeed a small world). <BR> <BR> 1 love joined 2 crazy punks for infinity on 1/28/2015 and now we would like to share the moment with our friends and family. <BR> <BR> I'm sitting here watching Say Yes to the Dress and realizing that... Sat, 31 Jan 2015 02:15:13 EST 01/20/2015 zodiac summary http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5859007 i felt like looking up my zodiac summary .. it's pretty accurate for when i'm healthy <BR> <BR> more reasons i feel things are just a reaction (see prior blog) <BR> <BR> <link>http://www.astrology.com.au/astrolog<BR>y/12-signs-of-the-zodiac/virgo.html </link> <BR> <BR> some excerpts: <BR> <BR> You belong to a group of people known for their perfectionism and highly analytical minds. There's a bit of a joke about how precise and demanding Virgos are but when you think about it, what's w... Tue, 20 Jan 2015 20:24:20 EST 01/19/2015 "the treatment becomes a curse" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5858103 I was browsing Facebook as part of my just-got-up routine. and one of my friends had liked this article. the caption about feeling normal for the first time caught my eye <BR> <BR> <link>http://www.vice.com/en_us/read/i-use<BR>d-ketamine-to-treat-my-depression-122?<BR>utm_source=vicefbus </link> <BR> <BR> this is quite likely the truest thing (for me) I have ever read: "The treatment becomes a curse." ... a recent psych eval doc heard my way-too-long list of medications tried and agreed t... Mon, 19 Jan 2015 17:17:46 EST 01/18/2015 go after what you want http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5857271 i'm still sorting out my brain fog and confusion. I get so easily distracted and disoriented .. I lose track of what I'm saying or doing WHILE I'm saying or doing it... very frustrating <BR> <BR> it's days like this i have to remember it's temporary ... and I don't have to stay this way ... i can make choices to get different results <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1258910377.jpg"> Sun, 18 Jan 2015 16:43:51 EST 01/17/2015 change perspective http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5856461 the other day in counseling I heard myself being incredibly negative. yes i was detoxing from the Cymbalta and was a wild and crazy set of emotions ... but I didn't like myself. I don't like not being in control of my emotions or life. <BR> <BR> To everything I was commenting I can't do this ... there's a limit to that .. .i can't afford such and such <BR> <BR> it made me sick <BR> <BR> i have always prided myself on being an optimist and a realist. Yes those two really can go together. If... Sat, 17 Jan 2015 13:22:46 EST 01/16/2015 don't give up http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5855867 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/4/l144378461.jpg"> <BR> <BR> even if that someone is yourself .. or some version of yourself <BR> <BR> fight <BR> <BR> get stronger <BR> <BR> you are stronger than you realize <BR> <BR> fight <BR> <BR> don't give up <BR> <BR> don't give anyone OR anything the power to take away your choice .. your life <BR> <BR> you choose how to live your life <BR> <BR> do what is best for you Fri, 16 Jan 2015 15:00:48 EST 01/16/2015 aftermath and news http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5855847 so after yesterday's self induced mania b/c i was sick of being sick <BR> <BR> i am pretty sore and sickly today but I'm trying to stretch and just keep going <BR> <BR> i don't know that I'd call it sleep but I was in bed for 7 hours with crazy dreams. <BR> <BR> i still need to finish putting away misc stuff in my room (i.e. hair and makeup stuff and clothes) <BR> <BR> I got good news that JFS is reinstating my disability assistance ... but at the moment they don't know where electronical... Fri, 16 Jan 2015 14:21:12 EST 01/15/2015 I don't want to be in this moment http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5855095 So often I'm taught to be in the moment. . Focus on now. . A lot of the pain are just thoughts. .. don't dwell on the past. . Don't worry about the future .. etc <BR> <BR> Well right now I want a different moment <BR> <BR> I slept uncomfortably <BR> I had annoying dreams <BR> I'm not rested <BR> I woke up irritated <BR> I am in a ton of pain <BR> I'm stiff and sore <BR> I have a headache <BR> I'm still sick <BR> My mood is all over the place <BR> I am ready to cry <BR> I am ready to b-tech ... Thu, 15 Jan 2015 13:53:01 EST 01/13/2015 wow the dreams are back .. sigh (and medical update)(YAY) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5853598 here's an update .. <BR> <BR> sickness/flu crap almost gone (YAY) ... sat night was the worst!! i couldn't breathe and my irritability definitely took over .. i've gotten some sleep last night and the night before but very dream packed (which i'll get to in a min) <BR> <BR> last week doc said to start up the 60mg Cymbalta again so I did. but was having confusion, dizzy, hives, etc ... so middle of last week dropped down to 30mg ... got the flu thing Wed night and treatment for it Thur .. b... Tue, 13 Jan 2015 14:45:24 EST 01/05/2015 keep a spark going ... uh ... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5846945 so in one of my groups someone told me .. Kimberly...thank you for being such an amazing example of truth & honesty & transparency. Some of us can be all of those things to a point & some people for various reasons can not. Thank you for sharing yourself with us. You inspire me!!! <BR> <BR> I replied: thanks :-) <BR> <BR> so many times I get told I'm making stuff up and really i'm just being honest ... mostly I minimize stuff so when I'm sounding the most wild or fanatical is when I'm most... Mon, 5 Jan 2015 19:17:23 EST 01/04/2015 how much of my life is just a reaction? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5845793 I often wonder how much of my life is just a reaction <BR> <BR> a reaction to : <BR> month of conception <BR> month of birth <BR> gender <BR> left-handed versus right-handed <BR> height <BR> weight <BR> hair color <BR> eye color <BR> heredity <BR> family <BR> environment <BR> geography <BR> money <BR> food <BR> medical <BR> <BR> .. and that's all before I'm aware of my choices and freedoms of life <BR> <BR> so then you start to get into things like <BR> <BR> education <BR> athleticism <... Sun, 4 Jan 2015 16:20:42 EST 01/03/2015 hair and weight update 1 year http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5845008 it's kind of painful for me to reflect back on last year. The second half of December 2013 was emotionally heavy and had a drastic impact on my health... i don't want to recount that right now. <BR> <BR> Instead ... here are the comparison pics of my hair I started "training" in Dec 2013 and first shaved the sides in January 2014. oh and i decided to not do the liberty hawk (into points like the Statue of Liberty) bc it's easier and a lot of people do it ... go big or go home sometimes works... Sat, 3 Jan 2015 18:45:38 EST 01/02/2015 fatigued? headache? pain? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5843802 10 Signs of an Under-Active Thyroid: <BR> <BR> 1. Fatigue after sleeping 8 to 10 hours a night or needing to take a nap daily. <BR> <BR> 2. Weight gain or the inability to lose weight. <BR> <BR> 3. Mood issues such as mood swings, anxiety or depression. <BR> <BR> 4. Hormone imbalances such as PMS, irregular periods, infertility and low sex drive. <BR> <BR> 5. Muscle pain, joint pain, carpal tunnel syndrome, or tendonitis. <BR> <BR> 6. Cold hands and feet, feeling cold when others are no... Fri, 2 Jan 2015 11:33:02 EST 01/02/2015 new year goal: better me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5843781 so i usually don't buy into New Year New Me or Resolutions and such ... so instead I recognize that I am NOT a pingpong ball to be bounced around at the mercy of my health and medications! <BR> <BR> i go see the fibro doc and psych doc this afternoon.. and i'll have to drudge up the details of the horrific pain and suffering I've been through for a few months now. I'm not looking forward to it. <BR> <BR> I am looking forward to a potential treatment for the low thyroid stuff ... of 300 symp... Fri, 2 Jan 2015 11:13:20 EST 12/30/2014 i knew better http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5841119 i knew better than to take the prednisone ... or the pain killers ... or the beer ... i knew better than to try to sleep to relax the back and shoulder muscles <BR> <BR> i knew better <BR> <BR> and yet i did it anyways <BR> <BR> so for at least the 2nd if not 3rd day in a row i'm miserable. i am on edge .. ready to reap a wrath of epic proportions on everyone and everything for no reason <BR> <BR> the cat has no idea why i shut her out of my room all night .. or haven't petted her yet thi... Tue, 30 Dec 2014 09:27:12 EST 12/27/2014 better than i was ... so i stop to recognize i'm grateful!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5839690 so call it a belated Christmas miracle .. medical science running its course .. whatever <BR> <BR> ... all i know is .. i woke up Sat morning 1030a because of incoming call asking about my new client packet for filing my disability claim that I needed to look out for and sign and send back in. i'd already gotten it yesterday but hadn't yet looked through it... that is insignificant to this gratefulness <BR> <BR> I had a really WEIRD ... okay super weird ... disconnected yet very concerned ... Sun, 28 Dec 2014 06:07:32 EST 12/23/2014 Punk's Dead NSFW trailer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837636 <link>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSDk<BR>GDryUgw&list=UUsoKxDuvrXDjuUquVrur31w </link> <BR> <BR> <BR> this is what i went to SLC for in June!! I'm totally in the hallway and concert scenes <BR> <BR> It's the sequel to SLC Punk ... #punksdead ... called Punk's Dead .. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/6/l1639123479.jpg"> Tue, 23 Dec 2014 20:00:25 EST 12/23/2014 what are the odds (i can't make this stuff up) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5837537 So ... i decided to file a new social security disability claim back in July when I got out of the psych ward.... last week i got the first set of denial paperwork <BR> <BR> and mom and I called a lawyer to set up appointment to file the appeal ... we give prelim info and schedule an office visit <BR> <BR> we got the name of the person we were meeting, date, time, address .. we even thought we were covering all the bases by asking what other businesses the office was near <BR> <BR> office ... Tue, 23 Dec 2014 14:19:17 EST 12/21/2014 in the last 30 min http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5836369 so in the last 30 minutes or so i have... <BR> <BR> ... fed the cat <BR> ... cleaned the litter box <BR> ... scrubbed the toilet <BR> ... swept the floor <BR> ... found an extension cord <BR> ... read a pot roast pressure cooker recipe <BR> ... fixed and ate a bowl of Cheerios <BR> ... check some FB <BR> ... took my blood pressure <BR> ... took meds <BR> ... fixed waffles <BR> ... dusted the living room <BR> ... looked up some account balances <BR> ... researched the electric bill <BR> ... t... Sun, 21 Dec 2014 13:53:21 EST 12/19/2014 a little goes a long way http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5835619 to some getting in 10 min of fitness daily is easy .. for some it's a major struggle <BR> <BR> i choose to see it as accidental <BR> <BR> i park as far away from the front door as possible. <BR> <BR> i make a couple loops through the store just for the heck of it or bc i forgot to look at what i went in to get in the first place... <BR> <BR> i don't use a cart and I try to carry all my items manually. <BR> <BR> i make extra trips bringing in groceries from the car. <BR> <BR> i walk arou... Fri, 19 Dec 2014 22:15:38 EST 12/19/2014 good news http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5835550 so i'll take all the good news in any way shape or form <BR> <BR> my fiance called me back last night so we could get back into sync ...we both could tell we weren't communicating well. we took the time to figure out what was happening. we are good. i slept well. <BR> <BR> this morning i got the news that he is approved for a rehab program and community control starting in Jan .. instead of mandatory 3 years prison (all bc they say he stayed away from his home for too many hours .. yeah tha... Fri, 19 Dec 2014 18:32:34 EST 12/16/2014 fear of finishing .. uhm http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833837 i really should carry around a Dictaphone or something .. i have (seemingly) brilliant insights and wisdom when I have no method of recording/writing/remembering them (i.e. walking, driving, bathroom, sleeping, etc...) <BR> <BR> i'm sure there's a word for it .. fear of finishing <BR> <BR> i don't get that sense of accomplishment .. the WOOHOO look what I achieved feeling <BR> <BR> as I get close to closure on a project, a thought, a process .. i get scared .. i get worried .. i get Oh Cra... Tue, 16 Dec 2014 10:33:22 EST 12/15/2014 medical progress .. standstill? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833402 an update on my medical progress ... i think standstill in this case is a victory b/c i haven't lost progress .. i will take a victory no matter how small b/c it carries the most impact!! <BR> <BR> i have not taken the current prescriptions for stuff since Thanksgiving's 24+ hour snooze fest. i have been self-treating with some pain meds and antihistamines with some success. <BR> <BR> I'm happy to report my blood pressure is back to normal most all day long [average 125/83] for the past wee... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:47:35 EST 12/14/2014 nurture your relationships http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833396 I've been reaching out to people i want to stay in touch or reconnect with <BR> <BR> ... it helps me to offer words of encouragement and empathy and just generally say HELLO .. it does wonders for my spirit and soul and they've been appreciated by the recipients, too. <BR> <BR> More than a couple responded saying thanks b/c they really needed it ! <BR> <BR> no better good feels than that!! <BR> <BR> i call it me being selfish b/c i don't want to stay isolated or alone or feel lonely. i n... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:33:39 EST 12/15/2014 thrilled (well non-energetic equivalent) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5833391 so i'm happy that 2 days now the scale at 190. that's way better than the 200 it has been... <BR> <BR> now i know my weight flux 5-10 pounds depending on bowel movements and food I've eaten. so I don't usually celebrate single day victories .. i usually wait for a string of 4 to 5 together <BR> <BR> but i am starting to feel better .. but i definitely have a long way to go on this journey to health <BR> <BR> slow steps are still steps towards PROGRESS <BR> <BR> <BR> ... in case you are c... Mon, 15 Dec 2014 12:17:12 EST 12/13/2014 no i don't http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5832378 No I don't know how to deal with today. Not after I'd planned so much wedding stuff... all that is now on hold for an unknown amount of time. We'll figure out another cool date: 12-13-14 just wasn't meant to be. <BR> <BR> No I don't know how I'm going to be able to keep getting money to him for phone cards. <BR> No I don't know how to ever get out of my debt when I can barely afford minimums each month. <BR> No i don't know if i'll ever be able to have a job again. <BR> No i don't know if I'... Sat, 13 Dec 2014 12:01:22 EST 12/10/2014 be kind http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5831053 BE KIND TO YOURSELF <BR> <BR> do what WORKS for you ... eat what works for you <BR> <BR> portion control (yes for food but ALSO sleep, exercise, stress, TV, parties, obligations, family, work, cleaning, relationships, etc) <BR> <BR> ... everything in moderation is not just good advice for dessert but truly every aspect of life ... <BR> <BR> EVERYONE reacts DIFFERENT to EVERYTHING <BR> one med-version-A will work different in me than med -version-B .. and med-1 will work different in me th... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 21:14:02 EST 12/10/2014 medical crap http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5831047 DISCLAIMER: I don't recommend for anyone to go against doctors instructions and I am solely relying on MY OWN 39 year medical history and MY reactions for MY health ... in order to say .... <BR> <BR> symptoms troubling me: <BR> * hives, blisters, itchy since Oct and worse in Nov <BR> * high blood pressure since Aug and worse in Nov <BR> * extreme fatigue and lethargy in Nov <BR> * extreme muscle aches and burning <BR> * slept over 24 hours at a time more than twice in Nov <BR> * coughing and... Wed, 10 Dec 2014 21:03:39 EST 12/06/2014 more kimberly odds http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828834 so awhile back i explained what i meant by kimberly odds <BR> <link>www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo<BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=5775806 </link> <BR> <BR> well without too many details ... i've been really sick and pain almost all of November .. am waiting on lab results and followup with doctor. <BR> <BR> thanksgiving day i was in bed 24 hours and was depressed and even suicidal ... and of course the 25+ years of medical and life issues and failures plays over and over and work... Sat, 6 Dec 2014 22:17:43 EST 12/05/2014 be kind to myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828306 so i've been coasting along and sedentary for far too long. and definitely eating not so healthy foods. some new meds triggered weight gain: 15 pounds from July to Oct and an additional 15 pounds in November. UGH. <BR> <BR> i was down to 165 in July .. so before the scale goes over 200 again .. <BR> <BR> i'm going to break out the recipes I have bookmarked so I can buy healthier ingredients and make my own food. I've never liked shopping or cooking or putting in effort to eat. but i had luc... Fri, 5 Dec 2014 20:58:00 EST 12/05/2014 roulette needs to stop ruling me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5828298 so i've been on a wild (not so fun) roulette wheel of meds and symptoms and side effects and stress <BR> <BR> it's awful! <BR> <BR> even though the docs and I were in agreement to start low dose of a med and make sure my body handles it well .. then see about increasing dosage ... not to change too many things at once <BR> <BR> great in theory <BR> <BR> i'll spare you all the specifics but for the month of Nov I've not been myself. I'm lethargic, lifeless, zombie, sleeping 24 hours severa... Fri, 5 Dec 2014 20:43:20 EST 10/25/2014 bargaining http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5804779 so i've been off-track for awhile now .. eating chips, pizza, beer, soda, Monster, nachos, whatever I wanted ... the scale shows it too. i've been stress eating. <BR> <BR> so now i'm negotiating with myself <BR> <BR> yes I can have that (decadent treat or artery clogging food) if I ... <BR> ... go hang up laundry <BR> ... go for a 10 minute walk <BR> ... clean the bathroom <BR> ... do the dishes <BR> ... write a letter <BR> ... stretch <BR> ... play with the cat <BR> <BR> so far today it's... Sat, 25 Oct 2014 23:40:16 EST 10/12/2014 oh love http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5796834 i was writing to my fiance today ... minus specific details I was getting angry about certain situations and circumstances beyond our control ... i could feel the emotional change and bipolar pull being set in motion <BR> <BR> my DBT leader would be so proud of what i did next ... <BR> <BR> I let the wave of anger and frustration wash over me ... I put down the pen ... I remembered to breathe ... I chose to focus on one thought instead of the hundreds racing through my mind .. i picked a po... Sun, 12 Oct 2014 12:56:02 EST 10/06/2014 how do you measure http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5793542 Sometimes I wonder when I'll stop living my life via RENT characters. <BR> <BR> ... I've been the artist, the programmer, the lover, the addict, taken my opportunity and have had a taste of the love Angel had.. now I have to have patience and faith and maintain HOPE <BR> <BR> and while i got this tattoo to celebrate my 2013 successes ... it is rather fitting to remind myself of what and where I once was and what I've gone through, dealt with and overcame, and ultimately SUCCEEDED as oppose... Mon, 6 Oct 2014 17:12:39 EST 10/05/2014 feel stuck? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5793039 i managed a good walk earlier and was invited for dinner to my aunt's house... came home and was going through email when I found this <BR> <BR> <link>http://powerofpositivity.com/11-thin<BR>gs-remember-feel-stuck/ </link> Sun, 5 Oct 2014 21:45:47 EST 10/05/2014 past 24 hours http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5792904 Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us. <BR> <BR> we're all familiar with that sentiment/quote/whatever ... but i feel totally unprepared to deal with my fiance being away and nearly unreachable for this weekend with potentially another 3 or 4 years in the same predicament ... i could easily explain but i don't want to write it all publicly ... and no he hasn't done anything bad/hurtful .. he has been a vic... Sun, 5 Oct 2014 17:07:07 EST 09/22/2014 the struggle is real http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5784886 so after last week's mania ... the weekend stress is slowly calming down <BR> <BR> my fiance and I are figuring out life .. together ... when both of us are bipolar and a few days apart on mood swings and health issues <BR> <BR> no one said it'd be easy <BR> <BR> i truly do think we'll both be better off going through the struggle together .. keeping each other (hopefully) from repeating past mistakes <BR> <BR> the pulled muscles in my neck/shoulders are starting to feel normal again. i ... Mon, 22 Sep 2014 16:29:14 EST 09/18/2014 from zero concept to BE confident TODAY http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782370 so much of my life has been lived with pain .. from fibro to mental illness to bicycle accidents and other mishaps .. i don't know what pain is supposed to be tolerable and what isn't <BR> <BR> i often get told i'm dramatic at describing things ..so much so that i'm not believed b/c they think i'm exaggerating <BR> <BR> problem is ... that's usually when i'm telling the truth as best as i know how <BR> <BR> it's days like today that i minimize everything i'm feeling and the pain levels b/c... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 13:37:29 EST 09/18/2014 so many *THIS so much THIS* happening today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782318 so after i posted the previous blog about being bipolar ... i see this gem in my newsfeed <BR> <BR> --- This paper was turned in by a 2nd grader with Autism. Look over the paper carefully - see what he did here? We say he deserves an A+! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/1/l913413945.jpg"> <BR> <BR> --- my response <BR> <BR> THIS .. THIS is why i try to stress to my loved ones the importance of word choice; especially in instructions! <BR> <BR> and don't forget t... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 12:13:40 EST 09/18/2014 a morning in the life... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5782307 so i typed this about an hour ago .. well i started it an hour ago ... <BR> <BR> was hungry so i got out milk and had just poured a bowl of cereal .. the phone rang .. made appointment .. got distracted by FB for awhile .. then the cat .. then wanted to clip my hair up .. but got the cat some dry food instead .. some more FB .. then laughed at this article .. then finally thought about my hair again ... and the call to the nurse line about what couldn't i do b/c of pain today .. and at some ... Thu, 18 Sep 2014 11:55:31 EST 09/15/2014 comparison ... for fun http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5780398 normally i hate comparison stuff ... like I love you . .i love you more .. IT ISN'T A COMPETITION .. no comparison necessary in my opinion <BR> <BR> then there are some things that are fun to compare like ... <BR> <BR> tooting my own horn here ... i saw a friend do this then and now pic comparison so I put this together ... 1994 and 2014 ... do I actually look younger/better now or I falling off my unicorn/delusional? *(grin)* <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l1... Mon, 15 Sep 2014 15:11:23 EST 09/12/2014 positive messages for the day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778604 i got some sleep .. starting to get over this cold/infection/recovery from flu shot/whatever crap ... not quite energetic yet but def on road to getting better <BR> <BR> here's some positive messages for today <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/8/l285583447.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2074482434.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <BR> and i'm looking forward to seeing my fiance soon and spending the weekend together <BR> <em>224</em> Fri, 12 Sep 2014 13:02:30 EST