KGWINDER's SparkPeople Blog KGWINDER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community bout 2 pain So the last two weeks have been huge inflammation flare. Daily I wake up not with just stiff hands but ones locked into place. The tendon swelling in my wrists got so bad it itched terribly from the stretching. Can't dress myself, brushing teeth really hard, stayed upstairs one night as my leg got locked and I had to wait until a reasonable hour to call my hubby to pull it back into socket. <BR> <BR> Then yesterday I awoke with nausea and tad of a headache. Just got worst as the day pr... Thu, 16 Oct 2014 10:16:22 EST Worst abdomen pain ever What the heck happened to me last night? <BR> <BR> I got together to help a friend while her car was being fixed. I was more exhausted than usual, but pushed myself to get up early as she has been the very best at understanding and support during this period of my life. <BR> <BR> After picking her up we went out for breakfast. I choose healthy. I got 1/2 cup of strawberries, 1/2 cup of blueberries, drank a glass of water, 3 cups of coffee (I would have been too tired to drive otherwise) ... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 21:09:45 EST a doctor's trust It has been Busy BUSY since I last wrote. Out of town guests, my MIL's car breaking down so transporting her to the store, doctor etc and then her refrigerator broke so an emergency run the save the food, shop for a new old, clean out the old one. And my mom was on vacation so going to her home and watering and feeding her hummingbirds (so cute the watch at the kitchen sink window as I clean the feeder). <BR> <BR> Next part of busy is I started trying Yin hot yoga. For me just getting s... Fri, 5 Sep 2014 04:13:39 EST Not going to let this block me I have gained three pounds after doing very well on tracking and doing normal moving (I don't call that exercise just not sitting around). <BR> <BR> Frustrating not to see fab result when you know you have been doing it right. But I know what this is water and salt. I've been drinking more and Salsa and pickles have great taste for low calories 'cuz that sodium tastes great. <BR> <BR> As long as my blood pressure is normal, I'm not changing a thing. I've not been feeling super hungry so ... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 21:11:47 EST setting a direction Things I did today right: <BR> -read through voters pamphlet, voted and got it turned in <BR> -ate a good start breakfast <BR> -logged my food at the start of the day and I still have more I can eat (need to eat) <BR> -set an appointment for my dog to get vaccine updates and renewed his license <BR> -got some banana - yea fresh fruit <BR> -solved logging onto my GoodtoGo road pass <BR> -sat down with husband and drafted a goal/task priority list <BR> <BR> Things I could have improved: <BR> -... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 00:46:03 EST I hate myself, but I won't always I'm so filled with anger over the life I've been stuck with. And I can see the writing on the wall for the future. It will be me taking care of my mother and aunt during old age...basically the next 10-15 years. I'm already involved with helping both my mother and my mother in law. My husband is nearing 60 and it just hit my brain that we have been extremely luck to this point on his health. <BR> <BR> I have so many things that need to get done. My house constantly gets ahead of me. I... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 17:15:53 EST Quickie Day 2: Sore lymph nodes swollen but still tried. Tracked food, 12-min seated core workout, took Cole-dog for claw clipping, got part of my car fixed. Wanted to lay in bed but didnt, two fainting episodes, doubled water intake. Sat, 1 Feb 2014 00:27:00 EST Wearing a Tiara Symbols can seem so silly. I remember the first time I looked and Sparkgoodies and it was like - say what?! But today I got a tiara Sparkgoodie and it brought back all the sensations of being the woman that daily did stairs, mile walks and reached a weigh where even if not skinny, I was proud of my picture. <BR> <BR> So I started again today. I cleared off my old streak counter. I logged food, did a really easy starter bit of exercise (Nicole's seated 12-minute core workout), I blogged f... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 22:40:50 EST Thanks Seahawks I've always been a rather weak sports fan. Partial because my family didn't own a TV while I was growing up. However, my father and grandfather we true Yankees fans, which my dad would listen to in the garage from a maroon Bakelite radio. There was only one volume - super loud - as he was listening with a Camel in his left hand and some tool fixing Betsy; our 1956 powder blue chevy. The words never made sense. Yet, the summer of 1969 when I was ten, he took us to the open air games of th... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 06:12:16 EST Update for the New Year 2014 I have never been so ready for a new year. 2013 I was so sure was going to be the year that turned things around and rather it was the year I lost my father, aunt, my neighbor, the woman I was caring for, for awhile and mother of a best friend. It was a year of living alone with my husband on the opposite coast working his soul out to make us not go bankrupt with high medical expenses. And we end the year both unemployed trying to figure a way out of this mess. <BR> <BR> 1) I've run out ... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 10:17:19 EST Eating Healthy When Dirt Poor #1 With fruits and vegatables, never let anything to waste. Any even on a low budget add some. <BR> <BR> A) Avoid the grocery store. Check at local u-pick farms, organic farms, road side stands. A few bug holes are not the end of the world. If you explain your situation, I've often been able to trade picking extra or weeding for a reduces cost. When you get home, hose off all items outsides to reduce the amount of dirt coming in your house. I have my basket and set of clother and a clipp... Sun, 3 Nov 2013 19:38:29 EST Been too Long My Computer has died and life has been full so it has been an extremely long time since blogging. <BR> <BR> What's been happening? <BR> <BR> 1) a long spring and summer of laying in bed while not feeling well at all. The only thing that gave me joy ways my over the top wild puppy, who on Sept 21 turned a year. Cole would nudge me to mive to get him food and water which was a reminder for me to at least eat and drink and move. Poor guy in my worst time span he would tear up anything for a... Sat, 2 Nov 2013 22:04:03 EST About Face I've made an appointment for next Wednesday with a preventative health doctor. I've decided to proactively stop the chemo agents and look at other ways to heal my body. My pragmatic side is hating this. All my training focuses my on traditional medicine, and yet my own proven experience is that changing my diet had been the greatest effect - of course lowing iron levels with my hemochromatosis makes sense. I'm going with open ears to listen, but also caution for an edgy doctir that might ... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 00:56:48 EST 8lbs in 8 days not the way to do it To day was the first time in 8 days, I was able to keep food down. My infusion last Monday did a double loop on me. I'd take the hit if now that I'm eating again the inflammation was gone: it is not. Worst than ever. <BR> <BR> Call into the doctor for an appointment. I think time for something new. I'm alone in my house so looking into solutions to bridge the gap. I'm going to try to be more structured. New checklist for the week 10 minutes of easy exercise morning noon and night. T... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 21:41:30 EST Coming out of the blackness of hell Nine deaths in four months. <BR> Having a super tight budget. <BR> Having a body that is hurting more than ever. <BR> Having run short on funds for everything, <BR> Including basic repairs - replacing lights, fixing <BR> A toilets, replacing a broken door handle. <BR> Huge car repair bills after so many errands during the last months <BR> And a squirrel who decided to build a nest in my engine, who chewed wires. <BR> Running late on my infusion and cutting corners by not taking all my meds. <... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 19:28:38 EST One goal down Got my fathers obituary written and submitted. I keep second guessing myself and thinking of more to put in but you can't put all of a personal's life on a piece of paper. <BR> <BR> I've started on be more aware on eating..this time to eat as I've been skipping meals and not feeling like normal meals. Haven't logged yet but only because I was putting last minute arrangments for my dad's service and getting the obit done as higher priority. <BR> <BR> So onward with the list...batteries in ... Thu, 9 May 2013 17:05:21 EST Butt Kick for a new day You know why it is good to be part of a community? Cuz just when you fall down and think there is no way to get up someone points out the obvious. <BR> <BR> I'm pretty smart, but life side smacked me and then steam rolled me. <BR> <BR> I use to log exercise and food daily. <BR> I use to weight myself at least weekly and track it. <BR> I use to be a hopeful person even in the face of hardship. <BR> <BR> I got myself painted into a corner and my emotional edges cracked today. I stood up f... Fri, 3 May 2013 00:23:59 EST Wish I could start I feel frustrated. Life normally spring back for me in Spring. The bit of extra warmth allows my winter RA frozen body to unthaw, the Vitamin D filled sunlight to jazz my deleted spirit and the longer days the time line to fit everything in. <BR> <BR> Not happening this year. I saw a doctor 2 weeks ago. My iron levels and thyroid levels were checked. The thyroid was slightly off of my norm but still within normal range. So I got doctor feedback that everything is fine. No it is not! ... Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:00:48 EST Looters and Heros The last few months have been more than trying. It has been a time of emotional, physical, mental, time and financial drain. I love how people attempting to help encourage one through a time period like this will lightly say "take time for yourself". <BR> <BR> This has been a period of time where refills of prescriptions have slipped for days due to lack of time to pick them up and waiting a few days to combine with another errand to save gas money. I have short cut sleep to clean house a... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:59:40 EST Check please, one mass of sore When you've had enough and are ready to wrap it ask for the check. CHECK PLEASE! <BR> <BR> So non stop since the last I blogged. <BR> <BR> My friend's mother passed away and I attended her viewing. It was happy to see her youthful pictures and flight attendant uniform. So sorry for my friends loss. Welcome to being a citizen of heaven Mrs Miller. <BR> <BR> Another friend lost his mom to pancreatic cancer this week. She was a brilliant and warm woman. Welcome to being a cit... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 16:14:15 EST 20 to 16 size pants in 5 days Wish I had a pill to sell, as all sorts of people that don't know the spark wisdom of portion control, more vegetables and fruit, water rich every, fiber, moving more, a committed time period of exercise, getting enough sleep, giving your body the nutrition it needs so the "I'm hungry" button turns off, exchange sitting in front of tv for playing and walking with friends, learn to get happy and satisfied with yourself, stopping turning your control over to other people, find the support you n... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 04:10:48 EST prays after 18hrs of sleep in 4 days <BR> So mad at God last night...was praying why why..two parents in the hospital... <BR> HE answered back I just answered what was asked can that be God? Who would want this situation? Well, your mom every night said can't I catch a break please help me....but I couldn't help her there. Then she prayed please give me A BREAK! So I did! So I answered back...please allow my parents to leave the hospital....alive. Well at least one of them alive. Well specifically mom alive. Ok mom l... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:10:31 EST Broken hip My mom not me last night, so now both of my parents will be in the hospital/care facility for a long so much to do. <BR> Irony in that i was feeling run down yesterday and had decided to make today a me day to exercise to a yard clean up and log my food. Instead after 4hrs of sleep im going to run over to their house to get numbers to change appts we had set up today....make calls to family and with dr to coordinate his transfer to a smaller hospital originally s... Tue, 22 Jan 2013 13:02:47 EST Will the end please come I'm just going to put the words out there. My father has no quaility of life left. He has been pulling out his nasal feeding tube and trach. So today he went for a minor surgery to place a feeding tube directly to his stomach. He was 3.5 hours in recovery due to needing his blood pressure stabilize. It is a surgery that people normal walk in and walk out of. He needed an aesthiologist to help monitor his recovery. When he finally got back to the room, his oxygen levels were low and the... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 00:08:08 EST A talk to self.... Dear Self, <BR> <BR> You have watched your mother put her health on the back burner for years to nurse your fathers declining health. You gritted your teeth the day they took her to the hospital with her upper BP being 205....thinking she was about to have a stroke. <BR> <BR> Ok, time to get the log out of your eye and take a look at your own picture. You went to the doctor yesterday and your top BP number was 130. Not terrible, but not too long after exercising everyday is was about 20 ... Sat, 5 Jan 2013 21:14:21 EST The rock is starting to roll down the hill I'd heard that my father successfully ate breakfast this morning. Again, I had a ray of hope. Maybe some post surgery healing, some day for him to learn to talk with a speech therapist, a few month just to settle. <BR> <BR> My mother and I ran to the bank together to do some end of year sorting on business - all in order now and then to a funeral home to get some paperwork. That's trip actually ended up getting some of the things decided and making some beginning selections. It was a fu... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 01:03:34 EST Smoking is so not cool It has burnt out our family. <BR> <BR> My first memory of my father was being held up on his shoulders and being burn by a cigarette in his hands. That wasn't the last time that that happened. It created in me a life time fear of being burnt to death. Yet, in the end it is my father's body that has been burnt. <BR> <BR> It started with high blood pressure when he was in his 40's. I still remember the hydrodiural 50 mgs. because I would remind him everyday in the morning to take it. I w... Mon, 31 Dec 2012 04:29:29 EST Throat Cancer Today found out that my father has it. Yet another legacy to smoking. <BR> <BR> To think I will never hear his voice again. Today he communicated using a board to point out words, but just another part of my dad I've lost. Some people grief for a person lost in a day. My dad has had the path to death that has lasted twenty five each event I lose yet another part of him. <BR> <BR> I fear that by the time he does slip away there will be nothing left to grieve for. <BR> <BR>... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 01:02:19 EST My Smart Cole So my little man is growing up to be a smart whip. Not only is he learn tricks, but at school today (every morning for 1/2 hr) he started being able to link together multiple tricks without a reward after each. He also was my best buddy, comforting me with tiny puppy kisses as I cried my eyes out today when the doctor pronounced my father offically in hospice status. I knew this, but hearing the doctors agree with my own logical head evaporated the last threads of hope. Rest will come for... Sat, 22 Dec 2012 05:35:41 EST When did I allow myself to become a victim? I've had some pretty unique challenges in my life. One of the bottomlines in my philosophy is to speak truth and to always hang in for the long term goals rather than the short term. This has carried my through a violent attack, living on less than $10 a week for food, many many health challenges and those of the people around me. <BR> <BR> Maybe it was just one of those years. But I needed a reality check and got it when I checked my tracker, comparing it to last year. Inside I've been ... Thu, 20 Dec 2012 22:28:04 EST To: Santa Claus Dear Santa, <BR> <BR> I hope you understand that I directed you to read my letter to you on Sparkpeople. I know we've both tried our hardest this last year to reign in the weigh. Frankly you do better with the reindeer and I've had better years for being in shape. All in all I think we did the best we could with the year we've had. <BR> <BR> I know you are struggling to reorganize present deliveries due to storms and that your elves are now climbing the rafters with the news that next ye... Thu, 20 Dec 2012 02:46:13 EST LILALI: Chap 13.9 - Gift of a Cape Buffalo Living in love and loving it - got a walk with the puppy dog. <BR> <BR> This last year so many people have helped me. I want to thank people and I would love to give Christmas gifts. Yet, my budget is not one that has room for gifts...not even baking cookies which has gotten so much more expensive and most of my friends are healthy eaters. <BR> <BR> I have some lovely things from my world travels and I have decided to share some of these with special people in my life. An example: I hav... Fri, 30 Nov 2012 00:45:42 EST LILALI: Chap 13.7 - Finding hope even Still living in love with my ever growing puppy Cole - goal to whip it good and get myself moving more. <BR> <BR> I made it to Monday. <BR> . <BR> My Thursday and Friday were hard with my father. His needs are nearly every 15 minutes. He is no longer a self starter and hardly a follower. It takes multiple times of hinting, suggesting, asking, reasking and pleading to get things that will help him completed. He ended up in the hospital today and will be staying overnight for observation. ... Wed, 28 Nov 2012 02:23:32 EST LILALI: Infinite and beyond.... So the blog I really want to write is how after hitting things hard my whole body is just so done. I feel so depressed - more as a function of frustration with my body than with life. That for some reason the thought of being distant from my husband and not physically home for Thanksgiving - even if we've already had the celebration has put me in a bitter funk. <BR> <BR> But as always I am pushing on. I got thinking that tomorrow is a day for Thanksgiving, so I'm making myself dust off and... Wed, 21 Nov 2012 18:17:19 EST LILALI: Chap 12.9 - Enough already! Living in love and loving it - goal to survive until next week <BR> <BR> Enough already! I really dislike this saying but it fits my week. <BR> <BR> Getting ready for the Thanksgiving celebration taxed my body too much. Everything after people arrived went great. Nice meal. Tried a new wild rice pilaf (non gluten) dressing that had mushrooms, celery, dried cranberries, apples, onion and of course wild rice and standard rice. It was ok, but I really missed the less healthy stuff. My tu... Mon, 19 Nov 2012 23:46:42 EST LILALI: Chap 12.4 - Sometime it is better to choose a road Living in Love and loving it - goal to get my infusion <BR> <BR> So I woke up with a start this morning after a dream. My plan had been to spend the week looking for used cars that might replace my car. I'd agreed to tell the garage Friday "repair or not repair". I was so set on this. I'd started to look and the cheapest I could find for the type of car that would be a replacement was 5-7 thousand. Most of these were smaller cars. But what woke me up was a dream about my mom going out ... Thu, 15 Nov 2012 02:34:28 EST LILALI: Chap 12.2 - Rethinking cravings Living in love and loving it: goal - of course more exercise! <BR> <BR> Cole update: The little guy played hid and seek on me this morning and nearly gave me a heart attack! I went to the bathroom and after coming out didn't see him, so called and called. Nothing. I looked and looked and finally this is what I saw: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> See that guilty face. "What mom, you don't like me playing hide and go seek???" He h... Tue, 13 Nov 2012 01:58:44 EST LILALI Chap 12.1 - Puppy Love Magic Living in Love and loving it! - goal to keep a positive outlook and to keep trying. <BR> <BR> So Cole coming into my life was a pure miracle. Now his "power" seems to be creeping into the rest of life. <BR> <BR> Or maybe I just have really amazing friends. <BR> <BR> So my car died. But the magic of Cole said to my mind, "your tired and spending more time with the puppy isn't a bad thing. You can learn to live without a car." But reality gets in the way of positive fantasy. Wednesday ... Mon, 12 Nov 2012 01:10:59 EST LILALI: Chap. 12 - Walking the pup! Living and love and loving it: Goal to take a major step back on the fitness path. <BR> <BR> Ok the puppy make for wonderful blogs and a wonderful new spin in life - however a quick fill in on the rest of life. This last week I lost a pound. I bet it was because I was busy, because I know it has nothing to do with eating right, tracking or exercise. As my liver enzyme have been up, my motivation has been down. I've had to push myself all week and thank goodness I had some excellent moti... Sat, 10 Nov 2012 20:43:38 EST LILALI: Chap. 11.9 - Downward Puppy Yoga! Living in Love and Loving it!!!! - goal to keep active with the pup! <BR> <BR> My heart needed this change. I needed to put my energy into life and living. <BR> <BR> Cole is a lot of work, but it is happy and uplifting and motivating. <BR> As I crawl around on the floor pretending to be a puppy mamma - I'm getting lot of downward puppy pose. My side lats were cramping, so you know there was exercise in there some where! <BR> <BR> Posted as my new profile picture (no Louis you will ne... Fri, 9 Nov 2012 17:02:16 EST LAALI: Chap. 11.0 - Heaven Answers my Prayers! Living along and loving it - goal to enjoy joy and let life be happy! <BR> <BR> So yesterday's blog I was hoping for a miracle. I basically had been told I was not getting the puppy that my heart had been set on. I prayed about it. I just wanted to know he had gotten to a great home. I blogged my hope. I was ready to let go, but everything inside me was keeping open that impossible hope. <BR> <BR> This morning I woke up and looked on the web site again - there is Cole and no indication... Tue, 6 Nov 2012 21:59:28 EST LAALI: Chap. 10.9 - Fingers crossed for a miracle Living alone and loving it - goal to be super productive tomorrow. <BR> <BR> Puppies - I was sent an email saying that there were A LOT of applicants for the seven puppies and that if I didn't hear from them in 12 hours, that I was not selected as a match. It has been over 12 hours and I haven't heard, so probably motherhood is not in the cards for right now. BUT..... my heart is howling with a tiny, tiny, tiny hope. I just went on the website and all the pups are marked as adopted, but o... Tue, 6 Nov 2012 02:19:20 EST LAALI: Chap. 10.6 My heart's in love Living alone and loving it - to put in some major exercise, that better be the goal <BR> <BR> <BR> How did this happen? My heart is full out in love. I can almost smell the love. <BR> <BR> It was late. I'd eaten about six pieces of leftover Halloween candy after coming home from All Saint's Day services (with my nephew - bonus!) and I was drifting around the Internet. <BR> <BR> Then I found them! <BR> Three brothers Jonathan, Cole and James <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.... Fri, 2 Nov 2012 16:46:57 EST LAALI: Chap. 10.4 - Bringing out the inner undead.... <BR> <BR> Be Afraid.......... <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> <BR> Boooooooooo......... <BR> <BR> <BR> Happy Halloweeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn...... <BR> Yikes! <BR> <img src=""> Wed, 31 Oct 2012 20:02:12 EST LAALI: Chap. 10.2 - Halloween Candy Living alone and loving it - goal to make this blog true all the way through Nov 1. <BR> <BR> There are been bowls of dum dums at the doctors office. A dish of various candies at the insurance counter. My mother offered me some chocolate. The signs are out for Halloween decorations and candy. <BR> <BR> I normally have all my candy unpacked and ready for the neighborhood kids. I live where I can get from 100-300 kids at my door. Nearly every year I run out of candy. <BR> <BR> Yet not o... Tue, 30 Oct 2012 01:06:50 EST LAALI: Chap. 9.8 - Life playing hardball Living alone and loving it - goal to get back on track of taking care of myself <BR> <BR> So I expressed a very bad day in my last blog. <BR> <BR> I ran errands the next day and went to the doctors. My inflammation has gotten worst even if I've been having higher doses of meds. <BR> <BR> I got a call from my doctor today and it was not good new. My liver enzymes are significantly elevated. This is most likely due to the higher levels of chemo agents (remicade and methotrexate) needed be... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 02:45:43 EST LTAHI - Sucky Day Living together with my Dad and hating it - I know the goal needs to be turning my attitude around, but I'm so tired of dealing with a health care system than want people to die. <BR> <BR> Ok, I cried today - what of it.....the question should be why in 1st world country do they do things that set people up to fail in health care??? <BR> <BR> I took my father to the doctor yesterday. I've been taking very careful notes, morning, midday and evening on his oxygen saturation, his urine output... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 22:37:53 EST LAALI: Chap. 9.2 - MIA Report Living alone and loving it - has to wait to post until I had the time and the right attitude! Soul Goal Smile! <BR> <BR> So this is my missing in action report - how one gets so lost in the battle that coming up for air seems strange. <BR> <BR> The first good news, it that I'm a pound and 1/2 off for the week. Trust me this has nothing to do with good eating so exercise as go, go , go and more go. My eating pattern has been getting something good and healthy for breakfast with some on t... Fri, 19 Oct 2012 17:55:30 EST LAALI: Chap. 8.2 - Got a big roadblock off the list Living alone and time is flashing by so I haven't noticely lately if I really love it or not - goal to get some sleep! <BR> <BR> So a big goal is off the list. There is heat in my house tonight - nearly 5T later, there is a new furnace is my house. It feels so good that if I didn't need to be back at my mom's place by 8am tomorrow I'd get up early and exercise - but seeing as I just got in the door at 10:30pm. Sleep is the main agenda. <BR> <BR> Another thing is semi off the list - I pic... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 01:56:45 EST LAALI: Chap. 8.0 - Jumping over the Roadblocks Living alone and loving it - almost - goal to try to get the pieces to come together <BR> <BR> So I joined a Fall Sparkpeople challenge to lose 5% by Dec. 1. Normally, this could be easy, yet this is truly going to be a challenge. I think I can do more than that, I just have to face that parts of this are really harder now because: <BR> <BR> 1) Taking care of Dad - the impact in my life is huge <BR> a) going back and forth is running up a huge bill in gas money, which is cutting into... Mon, 8 Oct 2012 01:32:49 EST