KGWINDER's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KGWINDER KGWINDER's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ My Spanish Menu http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5884094 I have been asked to plan and help prepare a Lenten Luncheon for 30-50 people. So I drafted a prep plan (2 weeks before, shopping lists, day before, and day of with plating and garnish) as well as this menu. So in the days coming up you are sure to see some of this come up on my nutrition logger as I sample and get it all right. <BR> <BR> Spanish Tapas and Pinchos <BR> †Empanadas Tapas – Sofrito (tomato and garlic), Cádiz región (tuna, boiled eggs, raisin and oregano), New World (chili and... Sat, 28 Feb 2015 07:39:32 EST 1/2 pound http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5883448 I will take it. This is another place that according to the math, it should be another pound off. Yet it was 1/2 pound. Last time the scales surprised me the next day. I'm doubting that will happen this time. Due to inflammation my hands are puffy, so guessing there is edema going on. So just staying the course and drinking water. <BR> <BR> Still for how conservative I have been on calories and dedicated to tracking all, so surprising how much a body works to remain status quo. I am ... Thu, 26 Feb 2015 23:51:02 EST Allowing some "give" to get nutrition http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5882827 To my focus right now is to find some other menus that allow me to continue CR but give some varuety. One thing I have been running low on is calcium (probably be wish to get some supplements), which reminds me it has been awhile since taking extra Vitamin D. <BR> <BR> So today I had to bump up to 1000 kcal to get nore calcium and the minimum level of protein. So be it. No use losing super fast just to lose bone and muscle. <BR> <BR> Took it easy today as was having a flare. This one wo... Wed, 25 Feb 2015 23:57:29 EST Anorexia vs CR vs VLCD http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5882167 Anorexia is very dangerous and is driven by internal feelings of hate of food and its texture, hate of self, desire to self punish and according to some literature changes in the brain that give incorrect feedback on what you mirror image is vs the reality. <BR> <BR> Anorexia can have some bad results. If you don't get enough protein your body goes after its own muscle for survival. So you get muscle wasting - the very part of your body that allows for increased calorie intake. Muscle is ... Tue, 24 Feb 2015 23:19:45 EST Expected Difference by next Dr. Appt http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5881374 So last doc apt was 246. I'm down to 231 and trying to get to 200 by next doc appt. <BR> Grrr I don't think I is going to be enough visual difference. <BR> <BR> <link>modelmydiet.com/shared.html?i=e5e906<BR>b0-edd6-4695-98c6-2585f617d964 </link> Mon, 23 Feb 2015 19:27:22 EST Variety, Whitening and Dye http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5880896 So I have to admit my first 21 focused days have been very successful. <BR> <BR> I have been losing the weigh. I have been moving more. I have been able to start on track. <BR> <BR> This is the point you feel like ripping out some ice cream to celebrate! <BR> <BR> When I went shopping today I was on a mission. The success of the last three weeks has been largely based upon eating over and over again a mixture of tuna, Greek yogurt and salsa. Lean protein at its best. Eating the same t... Mon, 23 Feb 2015 03:18:20 EST Am I imagining? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5879614 So my hubby has always been supporting and helpful on my health journey. He bought me as a present the Nustep machine that I used today for my exercise. <BR> <BR> I watched movies and exercised and he keep peeking in despite my asking him to let me have my time to exercise alone. There is a mode where I like to see the exercise working on a specific area of fat and my motion is washing it away. I is very satisfying. I might just be imagining it, but it was the first time I felt resistanc... Fri, 20 Feb 2015 21:23:15 EST Aftermath of Exercise with RA http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5878939 Still was worth it proving I could walk 4.5 miles, yet the aftermath was yesterday I started the day with a fever. I felt super sore. I got up to go to a financial seminar I had signed up for so gave me a little bit of a walk. While walking I looked like a 90+ year old woman. My right hip was so in pain and I was limping. <BR> <BR> Today I didn't wake until 3pm. I have swollen lymph nodes under my arms and generally feel like a huge weigh hit me. <BR> <BR> This is why it is so tempting... Thu, 19 Feb 2015 18:39:53 EST Did I really do that?! Pride! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5877720 You have to understand a month ago it was hard to go up and down stairs. The occasional attempt to just go to the corner of the woods with my dog and husband so painful. <BR> <BR> Today I set a goal to get outside and do what I could. I got up reluctantly and got dressed. I was seriously tempted to forget about it. But then invited my hubby along to a beautiful botanical garden. I figured if I got tired at least it would be an outstanding view while I took breaks. <BR> <BR> We arrived ... Tue, 17 Feb 2015 21:59:31 EST The scale played a joke on me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5877090 It was a good joke. <BR> <BR> I have not just been good about logging, but I have been better than I ever have been about not over doing it and keeping right to the standard. <BR> <BR> The standard: <BR> * getting at least 60 g of protein per day <BR> * not going over 900 kcal per day <BR> * fasting 12 hours+ per meal <BR> * tracking daily to insure vitamin etc are good and correct the following day <BR> * drinking 8-10 cups of water a day <BR> <BR> So yesterday I felt I was doing all ri... Mon, 16 Feb 2015 23:07:57 EST Numbers reality http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5876449 So it is really hard to face up to the face that even with the strict new CR changes that it will still take me a year to lose the weigh I need to in order to get to me ideal weight (124-132 range). <BR> <BR> You won't believe how much my brain wanted to throw in the towel when it realized the whole journey. <BR> <BR> Until 175 lbs, I can lose a pound every 4 days <BR> Until 132 lbs, I can lose a pound every 5 dtays <BR> <BR> So wake up brain the part you are missing to make this equation ... Sun, 15 Feb 2015 23:21:16 EST 1/8th the way there http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5875901 So I was looking at my ticker and realized that I'm 1/8th of the way on my journey. For less than a months effort, really pleased with that result. <BR> <BR> I'm even more pleased that I'm finding this much easier to keep with than I ever imagined. I can say truthfully after the first 2 weeks of CR that impulses to eat return to typical 1200 calorie restriction levels. I think because I've been trying to be aware, my cravings have been reduced. <BR> <BR> My biggest problem is curious to ... Sat, 14 Feb 2015 22:50:36 EST Respect Begins with Me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5874926 Respect Begins with Me <BR> <BR> My father use to say <BR> never go to bed angry <BR> at the end of the day <BR> rather say sorry <BR> <BR> My mother use to say <BR> look both way before you cross <BR> be safe along your way <BR> don't get lost <BR> <BR> forgiveness and direction <BR> great lessons for a life <BR> to give understanding and affection <BR> and planning to avoid strife <BR> <BR> Am I this civil to myself <BR> when I start the day <BR> do I look at myself <BR> in a compliment... Fri, 13 Feb 2015 07:05:37 EST Benefits of a Moderate Break http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5874672 I feel happier. <BR> <BR> It was wonderful to have an enjoyable day with my mother. <BR> Funny at one point she brought up that she needed to take off some pounds and was considering cutting back on calories. So in a few weeks we may be on the same track. <BR> <BR> We ended up going to an Indian luncheon buffet. Certainly a challenge. So strategies that allowed me to survive without total damage: <BR> <BR> 1) Right from the start I made up my mind not to share that I was on any sort of ... Thu, 12 Feb 2015 18:18:09 EST Planning ahead http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5873565 Today was not a great day - not because of diet, rather a huge headache that whipped my butt. <BR> <BR> The good news is I soldiered on and forced myself to get up and do a stretching and low impact video. I limited both to 5 minutes, so it was only 10 minutes total. Yet, I know from the past doing more in the long run will just play havoc with my body. So until it feels easy these two routines will be my daily practice. <BR> <BR> So tomorrow I will be having lunch with my mother. First... Wed, 11 Feb 2015 01:26:34 EST Survived Eating out ,doing CR http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5872907 In fact for calorie count and nutritional balance it was one of the very best days. <BR> <BR> First off let me step back and explain how I'm managing to go until 8 o'clock at night without eating. I am consuming along with each cup of water a soluble fiber gummy. If you leave one of these in water they swell WAY up. So in the morning I'm literally filling my stomach up. With 5 cups of volume for 25 calories. <BR> <BR> Do I feel hungry, actually not any more. The first week was super har... Tue, 10 Feb 2015 01:36:53 EST Fine Tuning H20 Consumption http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5871436 Back in the year I went vegan, I learned I had iron overload. Now as I'm starting (CR) calorie restriction, I've had an eye opener that I thought I was drinking my water - but I'm not. <BR> <BR> Being more extremely in a diet really exposes quickly cracks in the wall. One of the reason it is good not to do something like this rashly, rather to be very careful listening and watching what is happening. <BR> <BR> After researching whether it is necessary to drink more water during consuming ... Sat, 7 Feb 2015 20:07:53 EST Hard on the Kidneys http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5871031 So the first draw back of doing CR (calorie restriction) is that lovely clear pee is a thing of the past. Too much personal info to share the smell. It is like all the crude of my body is pouring out of me. You would think I'm dehydrated, but honest I've been drinking water. <BR> <BR> I'm going to have to look into if I need to increase my water consumption. I think I once read about high protein diets having this effect. New research to do. <BR> <BR> Oh, anyone reading the last few da... Sat, 7 Feb 2015 03:06:59 EST Bonus more off http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5870491 Weighed after eating and 3 more off. Least you think this is rash some solid proof of why it may be working for me. <BR> <link>www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PM<BR>C2638732/ </link> <BR> <link>www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24906921 </link> <BR> <BR> Basically calorie restrictions induce an anti-inflammatory metabolism in the body. <BR> I'm using water and fiber pills in the morning to keep me full until dinner which I eat late. The ideas is to bring your body just to the edge of s... Fri, 6 Feb 2015 07:00:10 EST Reward, today I got in my . "fat pants" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5869678 So for all of you encouraging me to be kind to myself, trust me I get that. But I was starting to be trapped in my house as most of my clothes weren't fitting. <BR> <BR> I started this latest journey after a doctors visit surprise of 246 lbs. Previously I had reset the top number of my journey to 229 and was going down from there, so huge disaapointment starting over at a higher number. <BR> <BR> Success today. I've dug in hard and have been doing under 1000 calorie restrictions so my sc... Wed, 4 Feb 2015 22:02:10 EST One wish http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5868976 So I am trying. It looks pretty pathetic from an outside view, as I still am spending the majority of my day in bed. However, I am rather drastically cutting back on my calorie intake. I don't believe in fasts - too hard on the body. But I have visions of dying and being this fat barely fitting body in the box. It sickens me. <BR> <BR> My grandmother died on the operating table because the ventilator could bn't resist against the weigh of her chest. She probably was 340+ lbs. Everyo... Tue, 3 Feb 2015 21:44:12 EST Remapping my way http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5860709 I can't exercise like I use to, but I'm ready to try again. Just do what I can. <BR> <BR> I did 12 minutes of purposeful movement today. Just gentle range of movement for my ankles, knees, hips, back, shoulders and elbows. I tracked my food. It a start. <BR> <BR> My last doctor visit (2nd in a year), I could tell how much my hands had improved with the restart of methotrexate. The down side is my tummy is 24/7 feeling slightly edgy upset. Triggering me to eat more as I'm aware of it -... Fri, 23 Jan 2015 02:23:57 EST bout 2 pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5799210 So the last two weeks have been huge inflammation flare. Daily I wake up not with just stiff hands but ones locked into place. The tendon swelling in my wrists got so bad it itched terribly from the stretching. Can't dress myself, brushing teeth really hard, stayed upstairs one night as my leg got locked and I had to wait until a reasonable hour to call my hubby to pull it back into socket. <BR> <BR> Then yesterday I awoke with nausea and tad of a headache. Just got worst as the day pr... Thu, 16 Oct 2014 10:16:22 EST Worst abdomen pain ever http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5778171 What the heck happened to me last night? <BR> <BR> I got together to help a friend while her car was being fixed. I was more exhausted than usual, but pushed myself to get up early as she has been the very best at understanding and support during this period of my life. <BR> <BR> After picking her up we went out for breakfast. I choose healthy. I got 1/2 cup of strawberries, 1/2 cup of blueberries, drank a glass of water, 3 cups of coffee (I would have been too tired to drive otherwise) ... Thu, 11 Sep 2014 21:09:45 EST a doctor's trust http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5773725 It has been Busy BUSY since I last wrote. Out of town guests, my MIL's car breaking down so transporting her to the store, doctor etc and then her refrigerator broke so an emergency run the save the food, shop for a new old, clean out the old one. And my mom was on vacation so going to her home and watering and feeding her hummingbirds (so cute the watch at the kitchen sink window as I clean the feeder). <BR> <BR> Next part of busy is I started trying Yin hot yoga. For me just getting s... Fri, 5 Sep 2014 04:13:39 EST Not going to let this block me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5755347 I have gained three pounds after doing very well on tracking and doing normal moving (I don't call that exercise just not sitting around). <BR> <BR> Frustrating not to see fab result when you know you have been doing it right. But I know what this is water and salt. I've been drinking more and Salsa and pickles have great taste for low calories 'cuz that sodium tastes great. <BR> <BR> As long as my blood pressure is normal, I'm not changing a thing. I've not been feeling super hungry so ... Thu, 7 Aug 2014 21:11:47 EST setting a direction http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5754048 Things I did today right: <BR> -read through voters pamphlet, voted and got it turned in <BR> -ate a good start breakfast <BR> -logged my food at the start of the day and I still have more I can eat (need to eat) <BR> -set an appointment for my dog to get vaccine updates and renewed his license <BR> -got some banana - yea fresh fruit <BR> -solved logging onto my GoodtoGo road pass <BR> -sat down with husband and drafted a goal/task priority list <BR> <BR> Things I could have improved: <BR> -... Wed, 6 Aug 2014 00:46:03 EST I hate myself, but I won't always http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5753076 I'm so filled with anger over the life I've been stuck with. And I can see the writing on the wall for the future. It will be me taking care of my mother and aunt during old age...basically the next 10-15 years. I'm already involved with helping both my mother and my mother in law. My husband is nearing 60 and it just hit my brain that we have been extremely luck to this point on his health. <BR> <BR> I have so many things that need to get done. My house constantly gets ahead of me. I... Mon, 4 Aug 2014 17:15:53 EST Quickie http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5611699 Day 2: Sore lymph nodes swollen but still tried. Tracked food, 12-min seated core workout, took Cole-dog for claw clipping, got part of my car fixed. Wanted to lay in bed but didnt, two fainting episodes, doubled water intake. Sat, 1 Feb 2014 00:27:00 EST Wearing a Tiara http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5610644 Symbols can seem so silly. I remember the first time I looked and Sparkgoodies and it was like - say what?! But today I got a tiara Sparkgoodie and it brought back all the sensations of being the woman that daily did stairs, mile walks and reached a weigh where even if not skinny, I was proud of my picture. <BR> <BR> So I started again today. I cleared off my old streak counter. I logged food, did a really easy starter bit of exercise (Nicole's seated 12-minute core workout), I blogged f... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 22:40:50 EST Thanks Seahawks http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5609857 I've always been a rather weak sports fan. Partial because my family didn't own a TV while I was growing up. However, my father and grandfather we true Yankees fans, which my dad would listen to in the garage from a maroon Bakelite radio. There was only one volume - super loud - as he was listening with a Camel in his left hand and some tool fixing Betsy; our 1956 powder blue chevy. The words never made sense. Yet, the summer of 1969 when I was ten, he took us to the open air games of th... Thu, 30 Jan 2014 06:12:16 EST Update for the New Year 2014 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5577634 I have never been so ready for a new year. 2013 I was so sure was going to be the year that turned things around and rather it was the year I lost my father, aunt, my neighbor, the woman I was caring for, for awhile and mother of a best friend. It was a year of living alone with my husband on the opposite coast working his soul out to make us not go bankrupt with high medical expenses. And we end the year both unemployed trying to figure a way out of this mess. <BR> <BR> 1) I've run out ... Wed, 1 Jan 2014 10:17:19 EST Eating Healthy When Dirt Poor #1 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5531235 With fruits and vegatables, never let anything to waste. Any even on a low budget add some. <BR> <BR> A) Avoid the grocery store. Check at local u-pick farms, organic farms, road side stands. A few bug holes are not the end of the world. If you explain your situation, I've often been able to trade picking extra or weeding for a reduces cost. When you get home, hose off all items outsides to reduce the amount of dirt coming in your house. I have my basket and set of clother and a clipp... Sun, 3 Nov 2013 19:38:29 EST Been too Long http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5530445 My Computer has died and life has been full so it has been an extremely long time since blogging. <BR> <BR> What's been happening? <BR> <BR> 1) a long spring and summer of laying in bed while not feeling well at all. The only thing that gave me joy ways my over the top wild puppy, who on Sept 21 turned a year. Cole would nudge me to mive to get him food and water which was a reminder for me to at least eat and drink and move. Poor guy in my worst time span he would tear up anything for a... Sat, 2 Nov 2013 22:04:03 EST About Face http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5442879 I've made an appointment for next Wednesday with a preventative health doctor. I've decided to proactively stop the chemo agents and look at other ways to heal my body. My pragmatic side is hating this. All my training focuses my on traditional medicine, and yet my own proven experience is that changing my diet had been the greatest effect - of course lowing iron levels with my hemochromatosis makes sense. I'm going with open ears to listen, but also caution for an edgy doctir that might ... Sat, 3 Aug 2013 00:56:48 EST 8lbs in 8 days not the way to do it http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5387379 To day was the first time in 8 days, I was able to keep food down. My infusion last Monday did a double loop on me. I'd take the hit if now that I'm eating again the inflammation was gone: it is not. Worst than ever. <BR> <BR> Call into the doctor for an appointment. I think time for something new. I'm alone in my house so looking into solutions to bridge the gap. I'm going to try to be more structured. New checklist for the week 10 minutes of easy exercise morning noon and night. T... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 21:41:30 EST Coming out of the blackness of hell http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5379496 Nine deaths in four months. <BR> Having a super tight budget. <BR> Having a body that is hurting more than ever. <BR> Having run short on funds for everything, <BR> Including basic repairs - replacing lights, fixing <BR> A toilets, replacing a broken door handle. <BR> Huge car repair bills after so many errands during the last months <BR> And a squirrel who decided to build a nest in my engine, who chewed wires. <BR> Running late on my infusion and cutting corners by not taking all my meds. <... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 19:28:38 EST One goal down http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5351211 Got my fathers obituary written and submitted. I keep second guessing myself and thinking of more to put in but you can't put all of a personal's life on a piece of paper. <BR> <BR> I've started on be more aware on eating..this time to eat as I've been skipping meals and not feeling like normal meals. Haven't logged yet but only because I was putting last minute arrangments for my dad's service and getting the obit done as higher priority. <BR> <BR> So onward with the list...batteries in ... Thu, 9 May 2013 17:05:21 EST Butt Kick for a new day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5343863 You know why it is good to be part of a community? Cuz just when you fall down and think there is no way to get up someone points out the obvious. <BR> <BR> I'm pretty smart, but life side smacked me and then steam rolled me. <BR> <BR> I use to log exercise and food daily. <BR> I use to weight myself at least weekly and track it. <BR> I use to be a hopeful person even in the face of hardship. <BR> <BR> I got myself painted into a corner and my emotional edges cracked today. I stood up f... Fri, 3 May 2013 00:23:59 EST Wish I could start http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5332749 I feel frustrated. Life normally spring back for me in Spring. The bit of extra warmth allows my winter RA frozen body to unthaw, the Vitamin D filled sunlight to jazz my deleted spirit and the longer days the time line to fit everything in. <BR> <BR> Not happening this year. I saw a doctor 2 weeks ago. My iron levels and thyroid levels were checked. The thyroid was slightly off of my norm but still within normal range. So I got doctor feedback that everything is fine. No it is not! ... Tue, 23 Apr 2013 10:00:48 EST Looters and Heros http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5321954 The last few months have been more than trying. It has been a time of emotional, physical, mental, time and financial drain. I love how people attempting to help encourage one through a time period like this will lightly say "take time for yourself". <BR> <BR> This has been a period of time where refills of prescriptions have slipped for days due to lack of time to pick them up and waiting a few days to combine with another errand to save gas money. I have short cut sleep to clean house a... Sat, 13 Apr 2013 15:59:40 EST Check please, one mass of sore http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5262299 When you've had enough and are ready to wrap it up...you ask for the check. CHECK PLEASE! <BR> <BR> So non stop since the last I blogged. <BR> <BR> My friend's mother passed away and I attended her viewing. It was happy to see her youthful pictures and flight attendant uniform. So sorry for my friends loss. Welcome to being a citizen of heaven Mrs Miller. <BR> <BR> Another friend lost his mom to pancreatic cancer this week. She was a brilliant and warm woman. Welcome to being a cit... Sun, 24 Feb 2013 16:14:15 EST 20 to 16 size pants in 5 days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5239672 Wish I had a pill to sell, as all sorts of people that don't know the spark wisdom of portion control, more vegetables and fruit, water rich every, fiber, moving more, a committed time period of exercise, getting enough sleep, giving your body the nutrition it needs so the "I'm hungry" button turns off, exchange sitting in front of tv for playing and walking with friends, learn to get happy and satisfied with yourself, stopping turning your control over to other people, find the support you n... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 04:10:48 EST prays after 18hrs of sleep in 4 days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5221593 <BR> So mad at God last night...was praying why why..two parents in the hospital... <BR> HE answered back I just answered what was asked for....how can that be God? Who would want this situation? Well, your mom every night said can't I catch a break please help me....but I couldn't help her there. Then she prayed please give me A BREAK! So I did! So I answered back...please allow my parents to leave the hospital....alive. Well at least one of them alive. Well specifically mom alive. Ok mom l... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 12:10:31 EST Broken hip http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5218655 My mom not me last night, so now both of my parents will be in the hospital/care facility for a long while...now so much to do. <BR> Irony in that i was feeling run down yesterday and had decided to make today a me day to exercise to a yard clean up and log my food. Instead after 4hrs of sleep im going to run over to their house to get numbers to change appts we had set up today....make calls to family and friends.....meet with dr to coordinate his transfer to a smaller hospital originally s... Tue, 22 Jan 2013 13:02:47 EST Will the end please come http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5207682 I'm just going to put the words out there. My father has no quaility of life left. He has been pulling out his nasal feeding tube and trach. So today he went for a minor surgery to place a feeding tube directly to his stomach. He was 3.5 hours in recovery due to needing his blood pressure stabilize. It is a surgery that people normal walk in and walk out of. He needed an aesthiologist to help monitor his recovery. When he finally got back to the room, his oxygen levels were low and the... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 00:08:08 EST A talk to self.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5192209 Dear Self, <BR> <BR> You have watched your mother put her health on the back burner for years to nurse your fathers declining health. You gritted your teeth the day they took her to the hospital with her upper BP being 205....thinking she was about to have a stroke. <BR> <BR> Ok, time to get the log out of your eye and take a look at your own picture. You went to the doctor yesterday and your top BP number was 130. Not terrible, but not too long after exercising everyday is was about 20 ... Sat, 5 Jan 2013 21:14:21 EST The rock is starting to roll down the hill http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5183051 I'd heard that my father successfully ate breakfast this morning. Again, I had a ray of hope. Maybe some post surgery healing, some day for him to learn to talk with a speech therapist, a few month just to settle. <BR> <BR> My mother and I ran to the bank together to do some end of year sorting on business - all in order now and then to a funeral home to get some paperwork. That's trip actually ended up getting some of the things decided and making some beginning selections. It was a fu... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 01:03:34 EST Smoking is so not cool http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5181695 It has burnt out our family. <BR> <BR> My first memory of my father was being held up on his shoulders and being burn by a cigarette in his hands. That wasn't the last time that that happened. It created in me a life time fear of being burnt to death. Yet, in the end it is my father's body that has been burnt. <BR> <BR> It started with high blood pressure when he was in his 40's. I still remember the hydrodiural 50 mgs. because I would remind him everyday in the morning to take it. I w... Mon, 31 Dec 2012 04:29:29 EST Throat Cancer http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5178333 Today found out that my father has it. Yet another legacy to smoking. <BR> <BR> To think I will never hear his voice again. Today he communicated using a board to point out words, but just another part of my dad I've lost. Some people grief for a person lost in a day. My dad has had the path to death that has lasted twenty five years...in each event I lose yet another part of him. <BR> <BR> I fear that by the time he does slip away there will be nothing left to grieve for. <BR> <BR>... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 01:02:19 EST