KERRYMONIQUE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KERRYMONIQUE KERRYMONIQUE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Suggestions & Advice Needed for Medical Issues http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5247275 I have worked in the medical field, got a degree in it as well, but I'm currently without a clue on how to proceed. I have 2 very rare conditions at baseline. I moved to Colorado about a year and a half ago and it took me a long time to establish care for my rare conditions. I also started to develop a list of new symptoms that are not related to my current conditions. <BR> <BR> I have gone from doctor to doctor and my case is so unbelievably complicated at this point no one knows what ... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 05:37:34 EST Feeling depleted & defeated. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5228827 One of the most difficult things about my health problems is the fatigue. The pain is hard to deal with, but the fatigue... well, the fatigue makes me depressed. For a long time I could overcome the pain; I could push through it. That behaviour eventually took a toll on my health, but at least I got things done. <BR> <BR> Right now I'm so limited in what I'm capable of doing, it's kind of like I'm back to all work and no play. Keeping up with basic household tasks from dishes, to scoop... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 13:18:12 EST At least he cares. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5221487 At least he cares." "At least he cares." "At least he cares.".... this has been rumbling around my brain for weeks now. <BR> <BR> Every time I get focused on my weight loss I'm constantly surprised how much emotional crap gets stirred up in the process. I wish I was just unaware of calories and nutrition and my weight was simply a mathematical error. Unfortunately, it's not. My weight is completely intertwined with my emotional issues and quite difficult to navigate. <BR> <BR> One of... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 10:58:18 EST Forget losing weight, I need to gain control. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5196347 I’m so tired of feeling out of control. I have always been the perfectionist type and an A-type personality. I’ve been extremely independent my entire life. That is, until my physical disorders became overwhelming. I don’t have a lot of friends and my family, for the most part, causes way more damage than any kind of support. The few friends I have become overwhelmed with my condition as well, which leaves me coping pretty much on my own. <BR> <BR> In February of 2009 I was coming out o... Tue, 8 Jan 2013 06:28:37 EST OmG! What's wrong with me??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4958994 I'm so freakin frustrated!!! I GAINED 6lbs this week! 6 freakin pounds!! Actually over 6 pounds!!! I just don't know what to do anymore! <BR> <BR> I realize that I am struggling and may be far from on target, but this is ridiculous! At the beginning of May I was at 216.2 and I'm now at 229.6. Wrong direction! I don't know what to do! I've been doing awesome with junk food, no fast food for well over 6 weeks. Significantly cut down on all dining out and what I'm ordering when I'm dini... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 09:01:57 EST Seeking Success Stories: Pain, Depressed & Weight Loss http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4944854 I gained all my weight from a medication in 2008 when I had a complete melt down in all aspects of my life. This was also the peak of my medical issues starting a torrential path of destroying my body. I have more medical issues than I feel like naming, but suffice to say, it's well over a dozen major diagnoses. My main problems stem from two rare skeletal disorders which have me close to non-functional. I have to live with a roommate, because I can no longer care for myself. I'm in cons... Wed, 27 Jun 2012 14:34:18 EST Birthday Blues http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4939693 I've always been a big birthday person. I like the idea of celebrating a person's life and taking the time to recognize them and remind them they are important to you. I also tend to always be the person "giving", always sacrificing and taking care of others, so I really like that my birthday is a time to celebrate "me". Throughout the years, while working a gazillion hours, going to school and taking care of everyone around me, I'd use my birthday as a time to do what I want, take a momen... Sun, 24 Jun 2012 02:18:14 EST Hopeless AND Inspired??? Juicing, Whole Foods Plant Diet & More.... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4930844 I'm so totally lost right now! Forget spiraling, either up or down, I feel like I'm just spinning out of control with no sense of direction. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> Ok, so I've been back to SParking since about mid-April and other than one weigh-in, I've gained every time! I don't understand at all. I was maintaining my weight and/or losing slowly for months now. The only things I've changed have been in a positive direction: healthier, lower calories, more activity. I'm going slowly b... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 00:12:38 EST Repetitive Realizations. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4878050 Realization&#8194; &#8194;[ree-uh-luh-zey-shuhn] <BR> - noun - <BR> <BR> 1. The making or being made real of something imagined, planned, etc. <BR> 2. The result of such a process: The new church was the realization of a ten-year dream. <BR> 3. The act of realizing or the state of being realized. <BR> 4. An instance or result of realizing. <BR> 5. Music. <BR> a. The act of realizing a figured bass. <BR> b. A printed score of a realized figured bass. <BR> <BR> <BR> I like to consid... Sat, 12 May 2012 09:17:04 EST Must save her own life, but how? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4853147 Things I know: <BR> <BR> I know my health is spiraling out of control. <BR> <BR> I know that regardless of my medical conditions, losing a significant amount of weight would benefit my health. <BR> <BR> I know the medical system is running out of options and I'm scared. <BR> <BR> I know when I was active on SPark before, it was the best I've felt in years - maybe ever felt. <BR> <BR> I know a positive spiral can replace my negative spiral and the only place I have to go from here is up. ... Thu, 26 Apr 2012 10:53:15 EST Real Advice Needed About Gastric Bypass http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4523776 If you know me, or read my bio, then you know I have a lot of medical issues. I've been suggested and evaluated for gastric bypass before and I didn't want to do it, but my condition has gone down hill over the past year and a half and my docs want me to think about it again. I know they've made a lot of progress over the past 10 years or so and have really come along way with the medical procedure. I'm well-versed with the medical side and am not concerned about the procedure or immediate... Fri, 7 Oct 2011 09:03:48 EST What do you use to replace food? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3783627 I had the realization that when we get over one bad habit or coping strategy, we replace it with something else. Sometimes it's glaringly obvious, sometimes it's not. I'll go out on a limb and say that a lot of my SPark family use food for more than just nutrition. <BR> <BR> I want to replace my eating coping mechanism, but I think I need something new that's positive. Unfortunately, I feel boxed in to a corner. My medical issues have me severely limited with everything - physically an... Sun, 14 Nov 2010 18:51:36 EST Rock [Kerry] Hard place http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3750642 Things have been so difficult recently. My pain has been the worst ever in my life. I'm struggling with everything because of the pain and fatigue. Right now I'm not able to cook hardly at all. I got a crock pot and a convection toaster oven to try to help, but even with those, I'm still frequently unable to do anything. I haven't been to the gym in 2 months. I think being in the pool might help, but getting there, changing, swimming, changing again and getting home, is literally more t... Sat, 30 Oct 2010 19:10:31 EST Official Diagnosis: Ankylosing Spondylitis http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3657986 I started having severe pain in my ankles when I was 8 years old. Doctors realized that I had extremely loose ligaments called Hypermobility Syndrome. They did not think it warranted as much pain as I was in until they realized that at 8 years old I already had osteo-arthritis in my ankles. Plenty of people have loose ligaments - they're called "flexible" - but only ~1% of the population has it to my severity. <BR> <BR> At 14 years old, I was diagnosed with Spondylolithesis, Grade 5 out o... Tue, 21 Sep 2010 11:08:49 EST How ~Kerry~ got her groove back. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3587183 So I'm back from a hellashish trip to New Orleans that exhausted me both physically, mentally and emotionally. I did a wedding, two moves and redecorated a guest suite. Phew! <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> And although I worked my lil tush off... I gained 6 pounds in the past 3 weeks. Boo!! <em>46</em> My weight keeps going up and up and up... I've got to find a way to stop it. I've officially gained back half of the weight I lost when I first started SP and I'm getting worried. My clothes... Sun, 29 Aug 2010 23:09:35 EST Wave Runners - Week 11 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3586952 WEEK ELEVEN CHALLENGE - ENDS 09.04.2010 <BR> <BR> Weight: <BR> <BR> Cardio Minutes: <BR> <BR> Strength Training Minutes: <BR> <BR> Part A: Outdoor Race Training - 30 Points of 0 Points: <BR> Part B: Accountability Partner Check In - 10 Points or 0 Points: <BR> <BR> TOTAL POINTS: <BR> ******************************* <BR> A. September is nearly here, which hopefully means the start of cooler temps! Take advantage and get in at least once session of your race training outside this wee... Sun, 29 Aug 2010 22:00:07 EST Wave Runners - Week 8 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3520294 WEEK EIGHT CHALLENGE - ENDS 08.14.2010 <BR> <BR> Weight: <BR> <BR> Cardio Minutes: <BR> <BR> Strength Training Minutes: <BR> <BR> Part A: Motivate Peope who are Inactive - 30 Points or 0 Points: <BR> Part B: Healthy Swap Challenge - 10 Points or 0 Points: <BR> TOTAL POINTS: <BR> *************************************** <BR> <BR> A. We are nearing the final month of the challenge. There is still time to make major gains on our personal goals. There is also still time to bring previ... Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:08:19 EST Wave Runner Pictures http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3500987 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/6/l166171754.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Of course, I had to include the traditional Wave picture for Wave Runners. I like that this one because it has the sunlight shining through, which reminds me of the "light at the end of the tunnel" saying. <BR> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/5/l455569918.jpg"> <BR> <BR> This picture represents the encouragement and inspiration I get from my fellow Wave Runners. Even when I'm struggl... Tue, 3 Aug 2010 23:36:30 EST Wave Runners - Week 7 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3494826 WEEK SEVEN CHALLENGE - ENDS 08.07.2010 <BR> <BR> Weight: 216.6 <BR> ~ Maintain <BR> <BR> Cardio Minutes: 300 <BR> <BR> Strength Training Minutes: 0 <BR> <BR> *************************** <BR> <BR> Part A: Crosstraining Cardio Challenge - 30 Points or 0 Points: <BR> <BR> We are all training for races, and as a result are likely doing a lot of training for the sport of our race. But it is important to mix things up. Cross training helps to keep your body guessing, and can also help to red... Mon, 2 Aug 2010 11:52:15 EST So get this... (don't read if you're struggling - it popped my bubble) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3480056 Let me first say that I really love my primary care physician. He's very intelligent and normally has great bed side manor. However, what he said today makes me feel useless in this battle for a healthy lifestyle!! <BR> <BR> I had to go in for a follow up today and so my visit was short. He had mentioned at my physical a month ago that I should go see the Weight Loss Clinic at my hospital. He reiterated all the aspects that are monumentally important for me to lose the extra weight (list... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:18:14 EST Wave Runner - Week 6 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3479943 FITS: WEEK SIX CHALLENGE - ENDS 07.31.2010 <BR> <BR> Weight: 216.6 <BR> ~Lost 1.2 pounds <BR> <BR> Cardio Minutes: 320 <BR> <BR> Strength Training Minutes: 0 <BR> <BR> ************************************ <BR> <BR> Part A: Race Check-In - 30 Points or 0 Points: <BR> Part B: Playlist Exchange - 10 Points or 0 Points: <BR> TOTAL POINTS: 40 <BR> **************************************** <BR> <BR> A. For 30 points, do ALL of the following things this week related to your race. <BR> -Sha... Wed, 28 Jul 2010 20:43:14 EST Wave Runner - Week 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3448724 FITS: WEEK FIVE CHALLENGE - ENDS 07.24.2010 <BR> <BR> Weight: 217.8 <BR> Cardio Minutes: 390 <BR> Strength Training Minutes: 135 <BR> <BR> <BR> Part A: Post other sites for fitness/nutrition info - 30 Points or 0 Points: <BR> <BR> DONE! <BR> <BR> Part B: Water Challenge (64 oz/day) - 15 Points or 0 Points: <BR> Sunday: Yes <BR> Monday: Yes <BR> Tuesday: Yes <BR> Wednesday: Yes <BR> Thursday: Yes <BR> Friday: Yes <BR> Saturday: Yes <BR> <BR> TOTAL POINTS: 45 points <BR> <BR> *******... Mon, 19 Jul 2010 21:00:21 EST Wave Runners Mini-Challenge - Week 4 Stats http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3431281 <em>306</em> <em>224</em> <em>306</em> <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Mini-Challenge - Inspriational Quotes: <BR> <BR> Monday's Quote: Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall. <BR> - Confucius <BR> <BR> Tuesday's Quote: I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. <BR> - Patrick Henry <BR> <BR> Wednesday's Quote: "What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, is of little consequence. The only consequence is what ... Wed, 14 Jul 2010 12:27:42 EST Does Wal-Mart sell motivation?? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3417534 I started off this summer planning on losing 30 pounds with the goal being a wedding I'm in on August 14th. I just realized that the wedding is in 5 weeks and I'm up 6 pounds!!!!! <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> I'm not a happy camper!!! I've been working on my eating, but not being really on track. I'm enjoying having friends and going out and doing things, but it's sabotaging my budget both with money and with calories! It makes such a huge difference in my depression - to go out and see peo... Sat, 10 Jul 2010 12:48:25 EST Birthday, Kitten & Whales!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3381812 Thanks to everyone who sent me such wonderful birthday wishes and excellent goodies!! I had a fabulous birthday weekend!! <em>334</em> <BR> <BR> Saturday morning I adopted Malique - my new furbaby!! And he's all mine, so I don't have to worry about the owner coming back for him this time. He's 10 weeks old and a total lush - loves attention and bonded with me seamlessly. He was abandoned at only a few weeks, but the shelter I got him from (the same one I volunteer for) did an incredibl... Tue, 29 Jun 2010 09:47:38 EST WR Mini Challenge - Week 1 Stats http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3364684 Week 1 <BR> <BR> Fill The Tub: Please put the number of cups you drank each day, but do not add each day together. <BR> <BR> Sunday-DAY 1: 8 cups <BR> Monday-DAY 2: 8 cups <BR> Tuesday-DAY 3: 10 cups <BR> Wednesday-DAY 4: 8 cups <BR> Thursday-DAY 5: 10 cups <BR> Friday-DAY 6: 10 cups <BR> Saturday-DAY 7: 8 cups <BR> <BR> HUDDLE, HUDDLE, HUDDLE: Did you Huddle??? <BR> Sunday-DAY 1: No <BR> Monday-DAY 2: Yes! <BR> Tuesday-DAY 3: Yes! <BR> Wednesday-DAY 4: Yes! <BR> Thursday-DAY 5: Y... Wed, 23 Jun 2010 20:35:56 EST Found the ownder - gave him back =( http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3358145 You guys won't believe this!!! I decided about a week ago that I really want to get a cat. I live alone and soooo want a dog or cat, but my apartment doesn't technically allow either. However, I found out that several people have cats in my building and I think I can get away with it. On Saturday, I told my friend that after my birthday this weekend I was going to go to the shelter and adopt one. <BR> <BR> This morning I woke up, went outside to water my plants and found a kitten, scar... Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:06:25 EST Pound for Pound: Weight = Issues http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3348889 For those of you who know me, I've been struggling with my healthy lifestyle for a while now. I started in February of 2009 and lost close to 50 pounds in less than a year. By October of 2009, I crossed the 200 pound mark! I danced, I sang and I partied... but something happened. I went back over 200, then under, then over, then under and over again... my over-eater and binging began to out-weigh (no pun intended) all the "healthy" things I was doing. I also had a stressful semester that... Fri, 18 Jun 2010 22:19:27 EST Honors Ceremony - My Pseudo Graduation =) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3203529 Hey Everybody!! I just wanted to share my happiness. I'm one final away from being done with this semester. I should graduate with a 4.0 GPA and have already achieved Summa Cum Laude status at my college. I also was inducted into the Honors Society!! <BR> <BR> I can't walk in my graduation because I'll be celebrating three relative's graduations down in New Orleans... I'm out-numbered {shrug}. I don't mind though, because I'll be partying for myself. However, I did go to my Honors Ce... Fri, 7 May 2010 00:06:22 EST New Hair Cut & Color http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3185289 So.... I'm finishing up this semester and will be done in one week!! I will graduate with a 4.0 and an Associate's in General Studies. My family and the critical side of me are being very degrading towards my success. "Nine years in college and you're only getting an Associate's degree, you can't even work with that..." I can't do much about my family, but I'm fighting my critical self. Afterall... I've been to hell and back over the past 6 years and am proud to be coming out on top!! I... Sun, 2 May 2010 12:28:34 EST Up, Up but definitely not away!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3155656 <em>225</em> <em>230</em> <em>15</em> <em>227</em> <em>46</em> <em>225</em> <BR> <BR> <BR> Boo for me! Boo on me!!! Blah!! <BR> <BR> I'm trying to make the time, but eating is the first thing to go when my schedule's intensity hits the wall!!! I know I could be making better decisions, even when I have to pick up something to eat while I'm out... but I'm not. Urgh... I'm mad at myself and the scale is climbing!!!! <BR> <BR> I could list all my very important things going on r... Sat, 24 Apr 2010 12:15:56 EST The New Plan - MAKE the Time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3135047 This semester is giving me a run for my money. I'm so busy and still have tons left to do. I'm stressing myself into a tizzy and that's not cool. I went so long with having no friends and now I'm having to cancel on people because I have too much homework. <em>198</em> I have not been making any progress with my healthy lifestyle journey since October. It's one excuse after another, and plenty of them are quite legitimate. However, a couple of things have happened recently that are m... Mon, 19 Apr 2010 04:48:40 EST Random Updates http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3122750 I just wanted to write a little blog (lol, I always say that...) and give a bit of an update on my world... <em>432</em> <BR> <BR> I keep wanting to get back to SP fully motivated and am just not really doing it. School this semester is really keeping me running in circles, blah! I'm not even able to exercise that much because I'm glued to my computer writing papers, projects, article reviews and so on. I can't count how many days I'd tell myself as soon as I was finished with my homewor... Thu, 15 Apr 2010 12:06:33 EST Kicking and Screaming!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3076315 This will be a short blog, well, for me at least. <BR> <BR> I had lost all motivation for my SPark lifestyle in the past 3 weeks. I've been overwhelmed with school, pain, loneliness, medical issues - the list goes on. I haven't logged in much and I haven't tracked any of my food <em>40</em> This is the first time since February of 2009, I've gone so long being off track (and that includes 3 surgeries)!! <BR> <BR> I forced myself on the scale this morning to see that I found 10 pounds... Sat, 3 Apr 2010 14:09:06 EST Maybe I should talk to my food before I eat it??? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3055100 If you've been following my blogs then you know I'm a motivational roller-coaster!!! I've had super-fabulous weeks and then crappy-as-can-be weeks. Not much in between and I'm very aggravated. I've been dancing around entering ONEderland for entirely too long. <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> I've stumbled along an old "which comes first..." dilemma. When I met a new group of friends and felt a good connection and even had a potential romantic interest - I was so happy. Just genuinely happy! ... Mon, 29 Mar 2010 07:07:35 EST I need a hug - a real one. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3029437 I was doing really well for a couple of weeks. I had met a new group of people that I really got along well with. I was going out and having fun - socializing and connecting with people. Finally!! After years of never having time to have friends, or having an abusive ex preventing me from having friends... I was getting out and enjoying time with other people. One guy was even a potential romantic interest and I was all giddy with excitement over the potential. <BR> <BR> But... <BR> <B... Mon, 22 Mar 2010 12:27:55 EST Happy St. Patty's Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=3011257 Hey Everyone - sorry I don't have time to send you each a St. Patty's Day goodie!! School is keeping me crazy busy!! Sending you some lucky SPark love!! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/9/l491334311.jpg"> Wed, 17 Mar 2010 13:17:22 EST Second best week ever!!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2994890 <em>244</em> <em>345</em> <em>334</em> <em>345</em> <em>244</em> <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> I am down a whopping 7.4 pounds this week. I normally get on the scale and think "I can't believe it" because it's such a small change or one in the wrong direction. This time, my jaw dropped, because I thought I was reading it wrong! Down 7.4 pounds!!!! <em>9</em> <BR> <BR> My best weight loss week ever was the first week I did SPark and that was an 8 pound loss, which was over a year ago. ... Sat, 13 Mar 2010 12:11:34 EST So far, so good... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2980386 My day started out a little rocky. I got up and felt pretty good, but was feeling a decent amount of pain from the past two days of exercising. I'm trying to really listen to my body and not push my pain, so I decided to go to the YMCA and go swimming. I can do that for my work out with very little pain, because it's non-weight bearing. <em>224</em> I purposely only packed my swimsuit and towel, that way I couldn't convince myself to do land, weight-bearing exercise before the pool. I ... Tue, 9 Mar 2010 22:55:45 EST I'm proud to say: It's All About Me! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2969477 I decided to take a break from SParkin' because my mentality had switched. When I started SP it was all about improving my life and myself and doing it because I wanted to do it. I happily kept along this path until about 3-4 months ago. Then my mentality started to switch slowly to the "dark side". The internal voices started..."You're not doing enough", "You haven't lost enough", "You're bad for eating too much", "You HAVE to do better".... and before I knew it, the evil drill sergeant ... Sun, 7 Mar 2010 15:04:12 EST Taking a Week Off! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2926716 I'm so excited that I'm taking a real vacation!!! I'm going to Las Vegas with one of my aunts who is doing a business thing down there. She'll work during the day and we'll party at night!! <em>236</em> This is my first real vacation since my breakdown, five years ago. I've gone home to visit, but I don't consider that vacation, because it's way stressful. <BR> <BR> If you've read my blogs or my feed, then you know that I have really been struggling with binging and over-eating. I'v... Thu, 25 Feb 2010 12:03:36 EST Binge Eating Proposed as Actual Disorder http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2906114 I don't know how many of you suffer from binge eating, but I am one of them. I am well aware of the differences between emotional and/or over-eating and binge eating. I started binge eating in 2005 and it's extremely different from emotional/over-eating that I had done my whole life. <BR> <BR> The DSM is a manual used to set criteria for diagnosis in the psychiatric field. It is currently undergoing a revision to produce the DSM-V. Psychiatry/psychology fields have jumped by leaps and ... Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:33:46 EST Compulsive Eating: More Food = More Pain http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2906049 I am reading "Reviving Ophelia" by Mary Pipher for one of my psychology classes. Although I have strong feelings against a lot of her views, I did find a paragraph about compulsive eaters that stuck my interest (mind you, the book is focused on adolescent females). <BR> <BR> "Young women who eat compulsively have learned to use food as a drug that medicates away their emotional pain. This is harmful because they do not learn to deal with emotional pain and because they become obese, which ... Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:11:16 EST Honestly scared. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2903989 Okay... so just to get this off my chest first, my SParkpage has been a pain in my butt all freakin week!!! First it screwed itself up when I logged on during a "site maintenance" time and then I tried to do the whole video blog and that's all messed up! I took a while working out the kinks with my webcam and getting the whole blog thing down... and then it would say it uploaded, but wouldn't do anything. And what really aggravated me is that they put that on the site a while ago, but ther... Fri, 19 Feb 2010 23:56:09 EST Aggravated... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2895910 Ugh.... I'm not sleeping!!!! <em>46</em> This horrible cycle of non-sleeping and increased pain has me breaking down left and right!!!! I know that I'm so upset because of the lack of sleep and the increase of pain, but it doesn't make me feel any better whatsoever!! <em>198</em> <BR> <BR> I'm doing such a terrible job with my SP stuff... I've even stopped logging my food. I haven't made progress in so long... that no I can feel myself letting go of good habits. I know I should kee... Thu, 18 Feb 2010 00:36:54 EST You didn't think you could get rid of me did you?? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2872521 I may be hanging on by tooth and nail, but I'm hanging on!!! <em>100</em> <BR> <BR> Thanks to the out-poor of love and support from my SPark family... I refuse to give up! The comments and goodies make me smile even when I am struggling terribly. <em>334</em> <em>252</em> <em>220</em> <BR> <BR> I'm happy to say that I'm working my way towards feeling better and more in control. I'm nothing if not stubborn! I worked with my doctor to get some added help with sleeping for a while, un... Fri, 12 Feb 2010 00:44:20 EST 7.6 pound GAIN and ready to quit! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2820410 I'm so upset, I'm in tears. <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> I've been going over and under 200 pounds since November and each time feels like a slap in the face when I go back over. This week will ring in 1 year with SPark and I just had the worst week of the entire year. I ate more calories this week, than ANY other week in the entire year!!!!! <BR> <em>15</em> <em>15</em> <em>15</em> <em>15</em> <em>15</em> <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I gained 7.6 pounds, which undid everything I've lost in th... Sun, 31 Jan 2010 12:09:40 EST Surgery Update & Recovery http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2807272 I want to say <em>304</em> <em>304</em> <em>304</em> to everyone for all the goodies, messages and support over the past week!!! I really needed the SPark love from all my buddies!! <BR> <BR> <em>247</em> <em>129</em> <em>247</em> <em>129</em> <em>247</em> <em>129</em> <BR> <BR> The surgery went as well as could be expected and I was sooooooooo relieved that it wasn't the same pain situation as the fusion in June. After that experience, I limited surgical pain from a scale of 0... Thu, 28 Jan 2010 01:16:55 EST All the king's horses and all the king's men... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2755813 I have a lot going on with me right now and I'm hoping that getting it out there in the open and blogging about it might help. <BR> <BR> I've had one of those weeks where every day seemed like a "fat" day. You know, those days where your self-esteem is just in the crapper, no matter what. You could put on your favorite pair of jeans and feel like a blob. <em>15</em> And no matter what you do, you feel like a waste of space. Normally, I only have one, but this week was a string of th... Sun, 17 Jan 2010 00:42:14 EST SPark Love = Motivation!!! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=2737460 I have always been a firm believer in tracking/logging your food and for me it is a vital part of staying on track. It gives me a wake up call when I binge, or when I've been ignoring how many calories are really in one brownie, lol. However, I have noticed recently that my motivation seems to be more dependent on my SParking. Even when I feel "blah" and completely unmotivated and adamant that even Johnny Depp couldn't get me to exercise... if I get on SP and visit everyone's pages and rea... Tue, 12 Jan 2010 23:06:45 EST