KERRYANN67's SparkPeople Blog KERRYANN67's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community What's been missing? Mental toughness! Getting in touch with my emotional eating? Finding easy ways and shortcuts to lose weight? Finding the "right" diet or exercise program? NO!! <BR> <BR> It's my mental toughness. My ability to stick to whatever I choose to do. I've realized that the spark eating and exercise plan is exactly what I need, but the one thing that was lacking was my ability to stick to it. A spark pal recommended I check out to learn about mental toughness. I'm so glad I did! There is a reason that I'... Thu, 11 Aug 2011 12:53:10 EST Bad habits are hard to break Ok, so I did it again. I fell off the tracking wagon, and fell off the exercise wagon. It's been less than a week, though, and I'm hopping back on. Never give up, right? <BR> <BR> I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do have insights. When I get depressed or anxious, I reach for the sugar foods. I go to restaurants to comfort myself. I sleep instead of exercise to try to relax myself. However, I'm trying other things as well. I've reached out to friends who understand, I've continued to g... Wed, 27 Jul 2011 13:14:39 EST Fast on, fast off! This is good news!! So those last three pounds that took me up to 215 went on REALLY FAST!! I sort of developed an addiction to white chocolate covered pretzels, and ate them almost every day in very large quantities. If I went to the movies, those babies were stashed in my purse! If I had a late night sweet craving, which was often, I know the 24 hour Fry's food store that carries my favorite kind! (They make them in cherry, blueberry, raspberry and cinnamon.) So, only a few short days ago, I came back to spar... Mon, 18 Jul 2011 14:54:00 EST Tried to reinvent the wheel, and failed... So today I got on the scale and it read 215. I can't believe I'm back here again when I was so full of joy for getting below 200. However, I know exactly what I did wrong. I tried to reinvent the wheel. I thought I could find an easier, softer way. I thought I could find a faster, more efficient way. All it's done it led me right back here, to spark people, where I'm starting again today to track my calories and exercise. <BR> <BR> I tried the HCG diet and logged my progress here with very ... Sat, 16 Jul 2011 15:09:53 EST Still losing weight. For those of you who are against HCG, let me tell you that I kept the weight off, even when I went back to eating normally. I'm doing another round right now and it's easier than before, especially since I know it will stay off and it's not just a crash diet. I'm also exercising more this time. <BR> <BR> My problem? Still a food addict. I actually ate so much between rounds that I gained back a few pounds, but certainly not all and certainly nothing of any serious consequence. However, I... Tue, 10 May 2011 09:59:36 EST Insights of a recovering food addict. I just put in my two-week notice at work today so that I can focus on getting through school. Just when I was getting comfortable and receiving so many compliments on my work, it's time for me to move on. I was so nervous before I hit the send button, so afraid that someone would be mad at me. Isn't that crazy? <BR> <BR> So I went ahead and hit send...I did what was best for me and got through it. Then, instead of getting a rice krispy treat from the shop downstairs, I got a tuna salad ... Thu, 3 Mar 2011 16:17:16 EST DON'T PANIC!! by Mark Sisson I received an email in my box from Mark Sisson who is the author of The Primal Blueprint diet/exercise plan. It doesn't matter what plan you follow, everyone slips. This is a particularly helpful email since weekends can be rich with slippage. I have edited his email down a bit, but here is what Mark wrote: <BR> <BR> Look, I make no bones about the fact that the Primal Blueprint plan is technically a restrictive one. Since we're restricting only harmful or unnecessary foods and exercises,... Mon, 28 Feb 2011 12:10:31 EST Give up easily? Is that comfortable for you? Do you adjust your schedule, get up early, and exercise for two weeks straight... and then find that you only lost half a pound? <BR> <BR> Do you adjust your eating so that you eat smaller portions, fresher ingredients, and avoid your trigger foods while your family eats whatever they want... only to find that nothing changes in your body when you expect it to? <BR> <BR> Do you salivate over the donuts at work and walk away time and time again, only to find that it didn't change how your cl... Fri, 25 Feb 2011 15:56:29 EST Secrets of self-control Last night things went particularly well with my eating, and today I lost half a pound of water weight, most likely. Whatever the reason, the scale cooperated and it helps. I'm still 1-1/2 pounds above 200 so will be working on that daily. <BR> <BR> I had cravings last night but controlled myself. I had a little bit of peanut butter but didn't go crazy like I have been lately. I figured out what did the trick for me, and it's exciting to share that with you here. <BR> <BR> 1. I was moti... Wed, 23 Feb 2011 11:52:22 EST Buffets, sweets and bread. Oh my! My husband took me out to dinner last night to Sweet Tomatoes, which is also known as Soup Plantation. I got a really healthy salad with spinach and bright vegetables, no cheese, and just a tad of ranch dressing. THEN, I was faced with all the goodies at the hot bar. I'm going to admit to you right now... I caved in a big way. <BR> <BR> I had two small helpings of apple cobbler. Oh yeah, the full sugar kind with that crunchy yummy topping. I had some chocolate pudding... more than just ... Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:32:00 EST Problems with peanut butter. Hi All!! <BR> <BR> I'm eating really clean and healthy, and started to get some intense exercise into my plan. I got on the scale and saw a slight increase in weight which is not freaking me out. My body is holding fluid to heal the muscles, plus I need to drink some "smooth move" tea. There is one problem I'm noticing in myself and here it is... <BR> <BR> I love peanut butter. I mean, I really have a deep love affair with the stuff. There are times that I feel I just really NEED peanu... Mon, 21 Feb 2011 13:59:18 EST Maintaining TO THE OUNCE! It's so funny that my weight is EXACTLY the same this week: 198.6! I'm increasing my calories a little bit at a time, and adding in peanut butter. That has healthy fats (which I need) and even some sugar (which I should avoid). Tonight I'm making a healthy dinner for my hubby and maybe we'll see a movie. Or maybe stay home and rest. I'm tired... it's been a long week. <BR> <BR> We are moving into a much smaller house at the end of the month and downsizing all of our stuff by getting rid... Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:39:58 EST Weighing daily, and surviving without chocolate. For those of you who say weighing daily is bad, I understand what you are saying. That is certainly conventional wisdom and it has helped a lot of people stop making themselves crazy over the scale. I just want to clarify that the only reason I'm doing it is because of the hcg protocol and all that jazz. I'm supposed to weigh myself daily for a few weeks after stopping the drops so I can monitor if I have any weight gain and quickly adjust. I also think that, for me, I can easily gain fiv... Thu, 17 Feb 2011 16:44:11 EST Some weight gain, hoping it will go away. Ok, it's true... I did have some chocolate cake on Valentine's Day and I'm probably paying for it. When ending the hcg protocol, I am supposed to avoid sugar and carbs completely for three weeks so this could be the deal. I hope so. The idea of seeing that 200 number again is enough to make me pretty depressed today. HOWEVER, I know this is a mental trap that can make me want to give up, which is the key to weight gain. So instead, today I'm being mindful of my eating plan. I also ackno... Wed, 16 Feb 2011 10:32:31 EST How to respond to "free" treats and sweet gifts. So I'm reading the Beck Diet for Life book and it had me create response cards to different temptations. For instance, when my mind says "I really MUST have that piece of cake," I write a response on the back of that card that says something like, "you only think you MUST have it because you want it. What do you want more? That momentary pleasure in your mouth, or the pleasure of being healthy and thinner?" <BR> <BR> The author also suggests writing "memory cards" to remind myself of times ... Tue, 15 Feb 2011 17:28:30 EST Eating Primal, feeling satisfied. Some interesting changes have occurred in my life. All of a sudden, I was no longer a vegetarian. I was startled that one day, I was just drawn into eating chicken and have not turned back since. Another hcg success story here told me that when she finished her hcg rounds, she ate according to "The Primal Blueprint." This eating includes a lot of protein, veggies and fruits with no grains or sugars of any kind, and limited quantities of dairy. It also includes sprinting exercises occasio... Tue, 15 Feb 2011 13:05:32 EST End of 3 week HCG round, stablizing weight. I decided that three weeks was my limit on how long I could do the hcg protocol. I was finding myself extremely hungry, feeling deprived and depressed, and lacking in energy. It's possible that my hcg lost its effectiveness because I increased my dosage but nothing improved. I am glad I went off the protocol but have not "gone crazy" with eating since then. In fact, today is the first day of eating breakfast and I just had some eggs and veggies and strawberries. My weight has stabilized ... Mon, 14 Feb 2011 10:49:13 EST Shocked at my own progress! Today I'm down 17.2 pounds in exactly 3 weeks! I'm literally shocked at my own progress. Today I'm wearing a size 16 pants that I bought last weekend, which were tight then, and are already fitting me perfectly with breathing room. You must understand, it's NEVER my lower half that loses weight, so when I say I'm shrinking in the pants, this is HUGE for me. I'm standing taller and feeling amazing. <BR> <BR> I looked at 197.4 on the scale this morning and had to weigh more than once to m... Fri, 11 Feb 2011 11:07:41 EST Celebrating 198.6 pounds. Running from 200, fast! No matter how much I want those chicken enchiladas, or to drown myself in dark chocolate, I just can't bring myself to do it when I see numbers like this! I keep thinking "who on earth celebrates being a 198 pound, 5'6" tall woman?" Well, this woman who used to weigh 230 does!! I mean, there are so many things I HATE about being fat. <BR> 1. I used to weigh the same (or more) than the heavyweight fighters in the UFC. <BR> 2. I weighed the same or MORE than my 6'3" husband. <BR> 3. Taking a... Wed, 9 Feb 2011 11:21:27 EST Quotes from another hcg user. I was wondering if I would be able to handle myself eating appropriately after I finished my hcg protocol, and read something from another user that inspired me. I decided to include it here in order to keep myself motivated and feeling safe about that. <BR> <BR> Her name is Jen L. on hcgdiet dot com and she wrote this: <BR> "I realized the HCG Diet had in fact implemented the "shock and awe" factor needed to change my behavior toward food. I mean, hcg to lose weight and a body-jolting d... Tue, 8 Feb 2011 18:09:57 EST Losing weight, feeling exposed. 199.0 Wooo hooooo!!! Now, this is only the beginning. <BR> <BR> I love that I have been able to get below 200 and bought a pair of pants this weekend in a size 16 instead of the usual 18 or 20. People are starting to notice and men are starting to flirt with me, which makes me feel SO EXPOSED. The smaller my waist gets, the more my boobs become super obvious. Oh well, that is why jackets and cardigans are in my closet. <BR> <BR> Today I'm wearing a pretty dress and a brown blazer that... Tue, 8 Feb 2011 12:37:33 EST I did it!! I made it to ONE-derland!! Now all I can think about is getting as far away from 200 as I possibly can!! Run, Forrest, Run!!! Sun, 6 Feb 2011 21:47:42 EST .3 away from One-derland! I'm just super excited to be so close to getting below that awful 200 mark. I'm starting to fantasize about what it will feel like to be at my ideal weight. What will I do? What will my life be like? <BR> <BR> I think I will definitely be doing much more active things like hiking up mountains, playing raquetball with my family and going swimming a lot more often. These are the things I often decline to do because I'm too tired. I don't think I will suddenly be super happy because weight ... Sat, 5 Feb 2011 11:45:44 EST Lots of rest last night! Whew! Weight still 202.2 and holding. Smooth Move tea on the agenda today. <BR> <BR> I've realized that eating my fruit for breakfast and as an afternoon snack is very effective and keeping the hunger and cravings at bay. Also, some fresh lemon in my water keeps me drinking it. I'm wearing these adorable gray pinstripe pants today that were super tight two weeks ago. They are loose on me now. These are the things I want and so if my weight loss slows a little, I'm fine with that. <BR> <BR> A... Fri, 4 Feb 2011 10:35:00 EST Thoughts on emotional eating Today 202.2. No loss or gain from yesterday. <BR> <BR> Two weeks on a true restrictive diet has given me a chance to consider emotional eating. I've had to snap myself out of fantasies of the world's best cup of hot choclate, and KFC chicken and biscuts. I've read all about the emotional eating issues and know that our biology wants us to consume calories to feel safe, and most dense in calories are carbs and fats. These create "feel-good" responses. I have had serious bouts of sadness ... Thu, 3 Feb 2011 13:49:21 EST Not quite two weeks on the diet. 202.2 I'm happy to be wearing a nice outfit today which looks really good on me. The bulk around my middle is reduced a great deal and I'm starting to see the thinner version of myself trying to break through. I'm finding myself very satisfied with my meals and I'm starting to crave the fruits and lean meats that I'm eating. Being sugar, trans fat, and starch free is making my body feel really good. I've decided to explore the concept of "food as love" while I'm on this diet so I can make sure ... Wed, 2 Feb 2011 10:34:33 EST Very inspired today!! 202.8, total lost on hcg 12 pounds. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I felt so horrible, I wondered if it was the diet. Fortunately, I got a great night's sleep and feel completely different today. I feel alive, alert, not hungry and not deprived. I also decided to take my body measurements to make sure this was actually happening. <BR> <BR> I am so excited to find that I'm losing inches along with pounds. My fantasies about food were all but gone last night, even though I made lasagna for my family... Tue, 1 Feb 2011 11:23:56 EST Another pound gone! 203.2, 11.6 pounds down. <BR> <BR> I really have a hard time believing this is working. I had to step on the scale three times this morning to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Only a few more pounds to go and I will be in ONE-derland!! Yipeee. I'm starting to feel that this is really possible. <BR> <BR> It's funny. My abs feel tighter and my leg muscles feel firmer but I'm not exercising THAT much. Just a little yoga and some walking. Hey, whatever works!! <BR> <BR> I might have me... Mon, 31 Jan 2011 10:27:12 EST 204.2 204.2, 10.6 pounds lost by day 9. <BR> <BR> Smooth move tea worked. I feel and look better already. Sun, 30 Jan 2011 10:51:44 EST Help! How do I overcome my deep desires? 206.0 total lost 8.8 lbs. <BR> This is what I wrote this morning after weigh-in: I'm still losing although slowly. Still no BM, despite taking Smooth Move tea. I will have more and see how it goes. It's still a weight loss, and I still feel great so... no complaints from me!! <BR> <BR> This is how I feel now at 230 pm: I have different small irritations and time drainers happening this lovely Saturday. I have such unbearable pulls toward the pantry or the refrigerator to ease my feeling... Sat, 29 Jan 2011 09:45:01 EST No change in weight, up or down. Just so you know, I'm basically doing this blog for myself to track my progress and tweak the process. So if this is becoming boring for you to read, I'm sorry about that. <BR> <BR> My weight was exactly the same today, to the ounce. I'm not too concerned because today I can actually see and feel a difference. My body is adjusting. Plus, there are a couple of things going on. Beware, this may be TMI for some people. <BR> <BR> 1. No BM for a few days. I'm going to do what my hcg friend... Fri, 28 Jan 2011 10:22:47 EST 206.2 Down 8+ pounds so far. I should probably change my ticker to reflect my current start point and my current goal. i think I will. <BR> <BR> Today saw a .6 weight loss. I'm happy but not jumping around. I think I'm just not in a super great mood today. hey, no one said being ecstatic every second was a prerequisite to weight loss. It's what you do, day in and day out, that determines your success. We all wish it could be done in one day, but that's not life. <BR> <BR> I'm certainly facing my food addictions a... Thu, 27 Jan 2011 11:13:18 EST 206.8 Only 2 ounces lost, but I don't care! I woke up feeling fantastic this morning! I have NOT been hungry, my energy is up, and even though my fibromyalgia medications were cut in half so I could do this diet, my pain is SERIOUSLY REDUCED ANYWAY. I am not doing the yoga or walking they recommend but as my energy increases I probably will soon. <BR> <BR> Why do I not care that only 2 ounces went down? Because I did enough research on HCG to know this is normal at this time, and I know enough about the body to realize that the fat... Wed, 26 Jan 2011 11:54:19 EST 207.0 My mind is blown. I'm starting to have confidence that when I get up and weigh-in, I will see a loss. It's crazy exciting! Since I started this diet on Friday, I have lost 7+ pounds. Today is Tuesday!!! I'm shocked, amazed, excited, motivated and thrilled. I have no fear that I will cheat because I feel satisfied with what I'm eating. I'm not exercising strenuously during this 40 day phase, but afterward I will be adding exercise to the plan. <BR> <BR> Today, my black pants are a bit loose. I just wore... Tue, 25 Jan 2011 11:06:13 EST 208.3 on the morning of day 5. wow! I've got my eyes on One-derland. I was sitting and I lifted up my legs. I could see the muscles in my legs because a lot of the swelling that normally surrounds my tissues seems to be gone. I can see my ankles. You have no idea how much I've missed my ankles. <BR> <BR> I also have to admit that this is the easiest diet I've ever been on. It's so simple. Not a lot of planning or cooking involved, because, well, there's not a lot of eating involved. I have not been hungry. But boy oh b... Mon, 24 Jan 2011 08:12:32 EST Day 5 of drops, Day 3 of diet. Weight 209.8 I love a diet that works. <BR> <BR> I have not felt hungry. I have felt energetic and happy. Everything I've read about the diet is coming true. I was so afraid I was being scammed and falling for another claim that is too good to be true. But here it is. The results are proving to me that this is really working. <BR> <BR> I can feel the blood coursing through my body. They say that the HCG makes your body use the excess fat for energy, and that the body will get all its vitamins and ... Sun, 23 Jan 2011 08:28:19 EST Day 4 - Weight 212.0 I woke up and lay there for a long time, terrified to get up and weigh-in. I kept thinking, "What if all this stuff I've read about HCG is a lie? What if it doesn't work for me? How will I stay on this diet if I'm not losing like they claim I will?" I got up and went to the bathroom, eyeing the scale with suspicion. I then just said, "screw it" and took off my clothes and got on the thing. It weighed in at 212.0 which is a loss of 2.6 pounds. I NEVER lose that much in one day, even if I... Sat, 22 Jan 2011 09:17:41 EST Phase 2 begins with a weigh-in at 214.6 My weigh-in was traumatic. 214.6!! <BR> I deserved it. I've been eating donuts, ice cream, fast food, pizza, peanut butter, and generally anything I want in whatever quanitities I want. I've been stuffing food to entertain myself, stave off the boredom of life, and to socialize with hubby who LOVES to eat and never really pays for it. So really, a 7 pound gain since my last weigh-in is mild compared to what I deserve. <BR> <BR> Today begins phase 2 of the HCG protocol. I've prepared my... Fri, 21 Jan 2011 10:53:53 EST Starting the HCG protocol Ok I dont want to hear a bunch of crap about the HCG diet because I'm on day 2, just starting day 3 tomorrow with the very low calorie portion of it, and I'm going to believe this is going to work for me. Every day I'm going to blog my feelings and thoughts about it, along with my weight. I do NOT want people warning me about this diet. What I would LOVE to hear are any helpful comments from people who are also doing the HCG diet. I know you are out there, hovering around spark people, af... Thu, 20 Jan 2011 18:38:10 EST Hi everyone!! Hey there everyone! I'm sorry I've been offline so long. I'm actually doing really GREAT, although I can't say I've lost much weight. Although my financial life took a downturn with losing my job, my life actually simplified and became something really beautiful. It takes adjustment time, but these days things are very smooth and good. School is fantastic and I'm becoming more and more a part of the Deaf community and learning how to truly interpret in real life situations. I'm fascinated ... Sun, 24 Oct 2010 17:02:34 EST I got fired today, but I'm not going back down again. A weird twist of events occurred and my company downsized dramatically today. I was one of those who had to leave. So I just packed up my office and came home, and I'm feeling so numb and weird inside. However, one thing is for darn sure... I'M NOT GOING BACK to my relapse behavior. I'm going to see that there must be some other purpose or some other place for me besides my current job, and if I stay strong I will make it through. I know for a fact that I'm going to be okay because I hav... Thu, 8 Jul 2010 14:30:24 EST I joined my very first challenge ever! On the GOYAM team, I joined the challenge of doing 20 minutes or more of exercise every day for 26 days straight. So far, I'm already on the path. I'm going to remember what a spark sister said about "Why join a challenge if you're going to weenie out?" Well, I'm not going to weenie out! <BR> <BR> So here I am promising this to you all. I know I can do it! Wed, 7 Jul 2010 18:08:38 EST Good news for relapsers. I hopped on the scale today and I'm down two pounds from last week. I am still lighter than I was in any of the posted pictures, so this leads me to tell you something positive: <BR> <BR> If you catch it in time, your body will react! What I mean is, I'm tracking my food and exercising to the best of my ability, and my body has a good memory. It went right back to dropping the weight. I was so afraid it would be like when I first started this journey and it would take 6 weeks to see any ... Fri, 2 Jul 2010 11:26:20 EST Why do we relapse? What is happening in our heads? Most of my good friends on spark are doing a great job and have inspired me to write this blog. Recently, I have relapsed into bad eating behaviors and lack of exercise. I have watched my spark friends move their tickers down down down while mine has gone up. That's sad and wrong because it was going down very smoothly and I lost 25 pounds. I have been looking at this closely wondering how and why it happened. Am I addicted to spark? Can I NOT do this myself? When thinking it through, ... Thu, 1 Jul 2010 18:07:33 EST Life has been hard, but I"m back. HI all, <BR> I have a tendency to hibernate when things aren't going well for me. So I've been hibernating and licking my wounds. I'm back now and tracking my food intake. I've gained 4 pounds, but that's not too bad considering all the crap I've been eating and the workouts I've been skipping. <BR> <BR> I've done a LOT of art, though, and am finding my way back to happy. I miss you all and hope you are all doing well. Big hugs to you!! <BR> xoxoxo <BR> Kerry Thu, 17 Jun 2010 11:01:30 EST Checking in with you, my friends! Hello all. <BR> I apologize that I have been away for a while. I have taken some time off work to get my head together. Since the episode, my creativity has broken open like a dam. I am working on my art daily, and sometimes I finish more than one piece in a day. I showed my work to some people, and have been told I am very talented. It excites me to work on things. I can't begin to explain how happy it makes me feel. <BR> <BR> I can say now that I am a Mixed Media Artist. It's so much fun,... Sun, 30 May 2010 04:44:15 EST I actually lost a pound! Dearest Spark Friends, <BR> <BR> I sincerely apologize that I have been absent lately. Your support and inspiration are so valuable to me, and I miss you. I have just been very busy with work, school, making art, going to medical/dental appointments, and my personal life. I have come out the other side of this terrible episode with my husband, and the sun is shining in my life again. I would like to list off some of the really cool things that have come out of this, or that have simply h... Fri, 14 May 2010 14:09:23 EST Finding beauty in me. Whew, this has been a rough month or so! The scale said I gained two pounds this morning, but that's the least of my concerns. However, my health is going to have to come first now. So today I started tracking my food again. I had a doozie of a breakfast filled with fatty foods and sugars, but at least I KNOW what I'm eating and it's not some blind action. That is my first step. <BR> <BR> Class last night was cancelled and I was so relieved! I did a very light yoga type workout but with... Tue, 4 May 2010 13:05:32 EST Just plodding along. I wish I could report that things have been going well, but they have not. I would be too embarrassed to tell you what has been happening, so I will suffice to say that life is very stressful but I've maintained my job, my school, and my fitness as best I can. Jillian Michaels has been my regular trainer for the last week or so. <BR> <BR> I have not gained or lost an ounce. To me, that is a HUGE victory because I have been eating sweets. I have also made some very interesting art, and ge... Thu, 29 Apr 2010 12:18:53 EST He's finally getting better. Tom visited me this evening for a while, and I could see what his mother and counselor had told me... that he seems to be getting better. He was rational, respectful, affectionate, and able to carry on a normal conversation. He still had a rough time sitting still, and sounded a bit irritated if I couldn't hear him the first time. But those are small potatoes compared to the bigger issues. <BR> <BR> We still haven't been able to tread on the major issues of the betrayal except that he has... Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:43:26 EST