KENDAL0525's SparkPeople Blog KENDAL0525's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Two days of disgusting binging I wouldn't typically call myself a stress eater. However, the last two days, I have stuffed myself with everything I can get my hands on because my entire life feels like it's crashing down around me. I don't know why I did it. It didn't make me feel any better. It just made me feel bloated and disgusting. It's almost like I purposely sabotaged the one thing that was going really well for me. <BR> <BR> I'm back on track today. Logging, drinking my water, not letting the other stuff g... Wed, 3 Jul 2013 10:24:58 EST Making choices Let's be honest. Losing weight and getting healthy is no easy task. Especially when one has not had healthy eating habits for the majority of their life. Heck, that's why we're all here, right? Because we need help and support and because this journey is HARD! I've been overweight to some degree for as long as I can remember. I'm tall, so I "carry my weight well" (whatever THAT means), but still, I've always been self-conscious because of the way I look. <BR> <BR> I've been a member of ... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 09:21:43 EST Just to gloat a little I am writing this blog to simply say that I am officially wearing the smallest pair of jeans that I own and they look FABULOUS :) Size 12 Express jeans that I bought 3 years ago and haven't been able to wear in 2 years. I pull them out every once in a while just to see how much longer it will be until I get to wear them. I was shocked this morning when they went on perfectly! So, hooray for non-scale victories!!!! Fri, 14 Jun 2013 14:25:34 EST Falling apart at 33 I'm 33 years old. And I'm falling apart physically. I have arthritis in my lower back. Along with a herniated disc that causes flare ups of severe sciatica. I have high blood pressure. How is all this possible? <BR> <BR> Yesterday I got injections of cortisone in my back for the first time, to help the arthritis. It isn't unbearable, but I'm always stiff and achy when I get up in the morning. It seemed to help, even though the injection sites hurt like hell right now. Next week I go ... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 12:54:28 EST Learning to cope Well, it's been a while since I've been active on here. Of course, I know that nothing changes when I'm not committed to myself, but still, I find every excuse under the sun. I'm going to try to be more active. And I'm going to try and care more about myself. <BR> <BR> I've found myself in and out of a pretty nasty depression over the last several months. Even on the anti-depressant, I'm still not mentally where I need to be. So, I'm going to try going back to the gym. If I can just ... Mon, 10 Jun 2013 12:00:38 EST Amazing support On Tuesday, I was voted the "Done Girl of the Day" in the Done Being the Fat Girl group. What an amazing group of supportive women! It reminded me that I can and will continue my journey to be healthier. <BR> <BR> I then realized that I haven't been tracking and have barely been on Spark for the last couple of weeks. Why? Because I have been overwhelmed with my final studying crunch for the LSAT tomorrow. What is the LSAT you say? The Law School Admission Test. That's right folks, I'm... Fri, 5 Oct 2012 11:42:13 EST One Step Back, Two Steps Forward The past week was an interesting one. I had my birthday on Thursday, so of course there was a lot of eating out and not tracking my food. I also had some depression set in, which doesn't ever bode well for my motivation. Therefore, I didn't get to the gym as much as I had planned to, and I also undoubtedly overate. I didn't get my water in, which my body FELT! But, I still DID things. I still went to the gym twice and participated in my first 5k yesterday. I still checked in here every... Sun, 23 Sep 2012 08:38:00 EST Excuses, excuses Today, SparkCoach wants me to blog about my workout excuses. There are really just a couple that I use. <BR> <BR> 1 - I am depressed and I would rather curl up in my bed and hide from the world. <BR> 2 - I am too tired. <BR> <BR> That's it. Those are the two things that keep me from the gym when I know that I should really be there. I used the depression excuse last night. Yes, I was unhappy and it was easier to hide in my room than brave the monsoon that was happening, but I should hav... Wed, 19 Sep 2012 10:22:25 EST Oh the times, they are a changin' (and so am I!) Today's SparkCoach assignment is to blog about the changes that I'm seeing other than the scale. This is only week 3 of my latest attempt to be consistent, and while I'm doing well (4lbs GONE), I am noticing more important changes than just what the scale says. <BR> <BR> 1 - My body does not want crap. Last Friday, I treated myself to an order of french fries. BIG MISTAKE! After 2 weeks of eating better, my body said no way! I'm just as happy without it. <BR> <BR> 2 - My mood is better... Mon, 17 Sep 2012 13:24:23 EST Ugh, weekends.... I am so bad with my eating on the weekends. I think that, for now, I'm going to allow my Sundays to be "cheat" days. I went over my calories today (not by much), but I at very little that was actually healthy. I did still go to the gym this morning - I will not make any excuses for that. <BR> <BR> So, I am getting better at eating during the week. I need to tweak things a bit for a couple of different reasons (lots of fruit but not veggies, getting potassium intake up, etc.) but I really... Sun, 16 Sep 2012 20:20:45 EST Didn't give up, but.... So, you know how sometimes life gets in the way? Anyone who has ever been a parent will understand this especially. Yesterday, life got in the way. In a good way but still. <BR> <BR> My 3 year old was just super extra clingy yesterday, and I didn't make it to the gym. But you know what, that's ok. Today was supposed to be my rest day, but I decided to just flip the days around and I'll go tonight. <BR> <BR> Why am I able to do this? Because I have to go with the flow of my life, and... Thu, 13 Sep 2012 10:07:23 EST Committed for another day Yesterday I committed to myself. I went to the gym and did my first day of the 5k rookie running program. Today, I'm making another commitment. <BR> <BR> Today, I'm committing to go to the gym again. I have it on my calendar, and I'm not going to bail on my appointment with myself. <BR> <BR> I'm a little sore from yesterday, but I need to get in my second day of training tonight since I didn't start earlier in the week. Tomorrow will be a cross-training day, to give my shins and hip... Wed, 12 Sep 2012 15:33:58 EST Today I won't give up on myself Today I am not going to give up on myself. Yes, I am busy. Yes, there are a million things that I could be doing at any given moment. But, I am just as worthy of time and attention as are all the other things in my life. <BR> <BR> Today, I will take the one step that seems to be the most elusive for me - exercise. <BR> <BR> I have the time today, I know that I do. Instead of being a lump for a couple hours while waiting to get my little one from her father, I will go home, change, a... Tue, 11 Sep 2012 10:21:34 EST SparkCoach - DO IT! *First, I just want to say that I am no way a paid endorser for SparkPeople or SparkCoach. AT ALL! I just really love this new service, and I think that everyone should AT LEAST check out the two week free trial!* <BR> <BR> SparkCoach, what can I say? It has all the daily motivation and accountability that you could ever need. I love it. A lot. I really enjoy the daily visualization task and the daily community action step. The visualization allows me to think about why I am on this j... Mon, 10 Sep 2012 16:24:21 EST It's a binge kind of weekend I think this weekend has become the culmination of all my failed efforts over the summer. I don't know what I ate last night, but I ate pretty much everything that I saw, and a whole lot of it. I've been paying for it all day. After a week of bringing lunches and trying not to over eat, last night killed my system. I suppose that is reason enough not to do it again. <BR> <BR> I reset my goals today. I need to focus. I need to fill up my life with things that do not include just sitting... Sat, 1 Sep 2012 22:15:52 EST Bringing me down... Anyone who knows me well, knows what I've been through in the past 5 years. It's been a roller coaster, and some days it all creeps back up on me and brings me down. I know that my mood effects my ability to stay focused on my health, so I'm going to write a little bit here, and hopefully purge some of the blues that I'm feeling. <BR> <BR> 5 years ago I was married to a man that I thought I would never get away from. He was abusive. Abusive to the point that I wasn't sure if I would get ... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 10:29:15 EST Finally married, time to get back on track. I was going full bore when I started with Spark in May. Then I realized that my wedding was at the end of June, and I needed to fit into my dress. I had to stop everything and just maintain my weight to make sure that the dress fit on the big day, and that I didn't have to pay a ridiculous amount of money for last minute alterations. Crazy, right? <BR> <BR> Here we are on our big day! It was the post perfect day we could have imagined. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.c... Wed, 4 Jul 2012 19:58:03 EST Small changes I admittedly have a problem with breakfast food. I love it. Bacon especially. It is my weakness. So, while I've been convinced that I need to give up my daily breakfast sandwich and go "cold turkey", I'm just easing myself out of it and making some modifications to save calories. This week, I switched from using an everything bagel to a toasted english muffin. I also eliminated the butter on the muffin, and cut back from 3 slices of bacon to 2. While this isn't the healthiest meal arou... Tue, 22 May 2012 10:00:06 EST Small pieces, one at a time. I was a mess last night when I wrote my blog. My head was swirling with way too many things and I didn't know where to start, so instead of starting at the beginning, I started to obsess over the end. <BR> <BR> I reached out for help though. I reached out to Spark, and I found the support that I needed. I moved forward today, from the beginning, and got a few of the small pieces out of the way. I feel better now that I have my feet firmly planted again and I don't feel like I'm spinnin... Sat, 19 May 2012 22:54:10 EST Fizzling out already? My own mind is my biggest enemy. That and procrastination. It is so hard for me to overcome the negative self-talk sometimes. Or the complete lack of motivation when I am feeling stress. <BR> <BR> I only went to the gym once this week? I could have gone more, but I didn't. Today was especially silly to skip because I didn't have to pick my little one up from her father until 8pm. What was I thinking?! I'm kicking myself now, of course, because I don't know if I'll even have a chance... Fri, 18 May 2012 22:49:37 EST Pushing through: A procrastinator's challenge I'm a procrastinator. I should probably earn a trophy for all of the times that I've said "I'll worry about it tomorrow." or "It can wait until later." This attitude, however, is not conducive to getting my butt to the gym. <BR> <BR> So, how do I get through it? Self talk. I talk to myself the whole way home. I will myself to change into my gym clothes. I tell myself that I will feel so much better if I work up a good sweat. I force myself to stop making excuses. <BR> <BR> I saw a qu... Tue, 15 May 2012 15:52:44 EST Love/Hate Relationship With the Food Tracker I have a love-hate relationship with the food tracker. I love it because it makes me think about what I am actually putting in my body on a daily basis. Especially if I eat out and I have to go scrounging the web to find the nutrition information. I hate the food tracker because I can see how many calories I really eat. Mind you, I'm in Fast Break, so I'm just looking at what I eat right now, but DEAR LORD! <BR> <BR> We live in this culture of over-sized portions and out of control calor... Sat, 12 May 2012 21:10:21 EST Is failure really failure? This is the 3rd time I've joined Spark. The 3rd time that I've scrapped everything, created a new account, and started over from the beginning. Some would call that failure. Some would call that giving up. I call it learning from my past. <BR> <BR> The first two times I was on Spark, I wasn't listening. I wasn't listening to the program and I wasn't listening to myself. I wanted all or nothing. So, I burnt out. I gave up. I couldn't keep up with so many changes all at once. I DON'T... Fri, 11 May 2012 22:17:57 EST