KAYELLEBEE's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KAYELLEBEE KAYELLEBEE's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ this is real life - and I'm only just now realizing it. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5726410 lots of epiphanies over the last few days. <BR> <BR> 1. I've been PMS eating the past few days - time to get back on track! <BR> 2. I've been eating lots of foods that have more saturated fat than BUTTER (check out the women's health mag article). chocolate, coconut oil, peanut butter, goat cheese... well, I haven't eaten the goat cheese or PB in a while, but wow. I really could better focus my energy on produce and lean proteins. <BR> 3. CALORIES IN, CALORIES OUT - I can pay better attent... Thu, 26 Jun 2014 13:11:38 EST PMS and Stress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5725081 are big time indulgence times for me. the past couple days, I've been eating pasta, chocolate, salt, oatmeal - absolute junk. my tummy is so bloated. I don't have the energy to work out. I'm stressed about my upcoming trip, and I spent all day moving to help cleaners with the house my roommates casually left an absolute mess when moving out. <BR> <BR> ick - I've eaten all my calories for the WEEK, and it's only Tuesday! 1800 per day over 7 days smashed into just 3 days. Whelp. <BR> <BR> I... Tue, 24 Jun 2014 18:16:58 EST clean eating: an update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5721252 I've really been working hard to eat cleaner foods here lately - I've got a trip coming up that i'm using as motivation to keep my diet in better check. <BR> <BR> I have been counting calories, but perhaps more important is the fact that I've been HONESTLY tracking my calories, time eaten, and a few of the feelings afterwards. Beforehand, I'd make a plan, deviate from it, and not look into my eating patters to try to tweak my diet to cater to those habits. <BR> <BR> What am I finding? Wel... Thu, 19 Jun 2014 09:35:48 EST circuits for 2 weesk: an update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5720453 notes on my last week: <BR> <BR> - broke out in a rash from oats (started an elimination diet, but ate a tin of tomatoes in soup this week, so need to be more careful) <BR> - no PB recently, and I've been replacing that fat craving with flaxseed and avocado <BR> - midsection still not losing any fat (waist @ 28"), but thighs are at 20.6" with sodium bloat, so not bad. circuits are helping. <BR> - have been doing weighted circuits for past 2.5 weeks, and I'm definitely getting stronger. ankl... Wed, 18 Jun 2014 08:44:00 EST where can I cut calories? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5716389 I've been uploading progress photos to bodybuilding.com <BR> <BR> http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/Kayell<BR>ebee/ <BR> <BR> using that site is really helping me view nutrition as a means to fuel workouts and both nutrition and workouts as a means to improve your physique. It's helping me focus on improving my current state rather than getting down on myself for past mistakes. I'll be using it primarily from here on out. I've always felt like it was bad for me to be as muscular as I am, an... Thu, 12 Jun 2014 10:08:05 EST 25 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5713770 average of 2300 cal/day this weekend- better than 3000! <BR> <BR> 1800 for tomorrow. trying a new meal plan that has me gradually tapering down, but I feel I've overeaten this weekend and fear failure down the line. <BR> <BR> But I have no control over the future only the present! Need to just stay in the present and do my best NOW. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1126271535.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/2/l5269092.jpg"> Sun, 8 Jun 2014 22:59:09 EST 26 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5712813 update photos: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/3/l1340732069.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/9/l795366207.jpg"> <BR> <BR> 25 minute circuit and walk today. circuit: I was able to use ankle weights for 10 minutes of it, 5 more than yesterday. focused on legs today; arms were focus yesterday. whew! sore body. good body :) Sat, 7 Jun 2014 13:36:48 EST 27 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5711907 eats for today: <BR> oat bran (too much) <BR> 2 bananas <BR> 1 avocado <BR> 1 lb carrots <BR> 14 oz green beans <BR> <BR> eats for tomorrow: <BR> green beans <BR> peanut butter <BR> 1 oz pop corners <BR> <BR> ugh, must get back into clean eating - I feel so very out of it! <BR> <BR> Also, HONESTLY averaging 2400 calories a day... that is shocking to me. I guess I just feel like that is TOO MUCH FOOD! I always feel like I eat too much, and I am overly critical. I get so angry and sad and f... Fri, 6 Jun 2014 08:16:13 EST 28 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710934 eats for yesterday: 1960 calories <BR> granola (whoops!) 1440 calories; yikes! <BR> 4 egg whites 100 calories <BR> 2 sardine tins 300 calories <BR> 4 servings bean sprouts 120 calories <BR> <BR> eats for today: <BR> LOTS of peas and carrots (stress makes me crave carbs!): 750 calories <BR> 2 sardine tins: 300 calories <BR> 3 bowls of oat bran with cinnamon and vanilla: 800 calories <BR> <BR> not my proudest moment in eating that oat bran, but I am human!!! <BR> <BR> no workout today.... Thu, 5 Jun 2014 00:03:13 EST 29 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5710396 eats for yesterday: <BR> 2c cottage cheese, 1 lb carrots (320+185) <BR> pico de gallo, 1 avocado, tin sardines (3.5*25+290+150) <BR> 1 frozen banana with cinnamon and vanilla, made into ice cream (100) <BR> frozen raspberries (70*2.5=175) <BR> total calories: ~1150 <BR> <BR> eats for today: <BR> granola (whoops!) 1440 calories; yikes! <BR> 4 egg whites 100 calories <BR> 2 sardine tins 300 calories <BR> 4 servings bean sprouts 120 calories <BR> <BR> That's okay. I've got to forgive my... Wed, 4 Jun 2014 09:47:58 EST 30 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5709441 Ate tomato-based soup with onion, green beans, and lentils yesterday. Also ate two tins of sardines, three bananas, 3 cups of pineapple, and 1/2c of blueberries. Lots of fruit, but there are worse things (granola, I am looking at you!). The soup was ABSOLUTELY delish... definitely a recipe worth remaking. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/2/l529313739.jpg"> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l342828372.jpg"> <BR> <BR> training today? circuit. <... Tue, 3 Jun 2014 02:48:38 EST 31 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708782 31 days til Peru <BR> <BR> ate granola, salty refried beans, and celery with low sodium chipotle salsa yesterday. oh well, time to move on. another training run, more hills today. 4.9 miles total. 10 minute circuit with weights. It's been a while, so it was tough! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/6/l1644923415.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/6/l264303320.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I'm finally to the place where I'm forgiving myself and treating myself ... Mon, 2 Jun 2014 09:58:50 EST day 32 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5708083 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2027254405.jpg"> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/4/l746144705.jpg"> <BR> <BR> bloated. sodium. eggs. oats. <BR> <BR> no. more. oats. for the sake of my health. <BR> <BR> off for a 6.4 mile run, then played 9 holes of golf with friends (used a golf cart. boo). <BR> <BR> 32 days 'til Peru! <BR> <BR> Edit: during my run and golf today, I realized something. I've been too hard on myself this past year. I've been telling mys... Sun, 1 Jun 2014 12:38:13 EST inner guilt monster http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5707367 my counselor and I had a good session yesterday in which we discovered that I have an inner guilt monster - one that constantly is telling me I should be doing something opposite of what I'm actually doing (homework during workout, workout during homework, eating when not hungry, not eating when hungry, etc). <BR> <BR> That guilt monster is trying to help... but I wonder what their motive is? <BR> <BR> I believe the guilt monster started rearing its head in middle school. That's when I st... Sat, 31 May 2014 09:40:42 EST midday update - what are you afraid of? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706910 I've walked 3 miles, done some strength training, and will walk 3 more miles. I'll also do yoga today. <BR> <BR> terribly bloated. blame it on cousin red. chewing gum, too. <BR> <BR> realized I'm AFRAID of changing my lifestyle. What could I possibly have to lose at this point? Nothing. Why do I fear change? <BR> <BR> Here's what I read: <BR> - greatest tragedy in life is to never change because you fear straying from what is known. <BR> - by staying the same, you stagnate. you litera... Fri, 30 May 2014 15:52:10 EST on the right track http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706694 I'm pausing and thinking about my meals. <BR> <BR> Yesterday/early this AM, I ate 4 oatmeal packets with some almond meal and applesauce mixed in and topped it all with cinnamon. It was so yummy. <BR> <BR> My goal today and from here on out is to eat HALF that amount of oats (if I eat any at all). <BR> <BR> Pre-portioned packs are working better than having a big bag of something. <BR> <BR> This morning, I made an egg white scramble with veggies for meals through the day. Not hungry, n... Fri, 30 May 2014 10:21:27 EST how hard can it be? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706377 how hard can eating a balanced diet be? <BR> <BR> well... hard. if you haven't really eaten regular balanced meals, being satisfied after one is tough. <BR> <BR> I ate 5 servings of green beans, a tin of sardines with 3 sheets of nori and spices (oh my gosh, this was YUM), and one packet of oats with cinnamon (dessert) for dinner tonight. <BR> <BR> I didn't feel satisfied. Everything within me wants more oatmeal. But I know that I want to change this more than anything, and I want to be... Thu, 29 May 2014 22:24:00 EST reset http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5706222 reset my food diary and fitness log. reset everything. I caught myself logging ahead again, cheating, making excuses and saying I'd eat healthier later. What better time than now to treat myself like a queen and transform my outlook and body? <BR> <BR> Note that body came second in that statement - OUTLOOK matters most here. I'm so so tired of feeling down. It's been about five days now, and it needs to stop. When my mind is in a good place, I take care of myself. I want to keep that high g... Thu, 29 May 2014 18:13:20 EST what worked last time? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704854 this post will be a reflection on what worked for me last time I lost weight. it's an attempt to help me get back on track and where I want to be. <BR> <BR> rewind. flash back to the summer between my junior and senior years in college. I had been through a hard breakup, and I had drowned myself in oatmeal, chocolate, and peanut butter. I only owned one pair of pants that fit, and I was desperate for change. <BR> <BR> I moved up to Oregon, and the time I spent up there was my saving grace:... Wed, 28 May 2014 01:14:52 EST dinner http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704735 just ate an odd dinner: <BR> <BR> tin sardines <BR> 2 bananas, blueberries, 2 almond butter packets <BR> <BR> too many starches, but sooo yummy. dessert. feel guilty for eating at all. Tue, 27 May 2014 22:08:48 EST worth its weight in water http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5704599 this post will be short. <BR> <BR> I am bloated. PMS only gets worse when you're carrying around an extra 10 pounds. I don't feel like a sex panther to say the least. <BR> <BR> But I'm making changes. and I'm constantly checking in with myself to make sure my food decisions are healthy. that's the best I can do, right? <BR> <BR> I've got regular exercise on lockdown. now to make healthy diet natural. PB is out of the house for good, and I'm never buying it again. Let's see how much weig... Tue, 27 May 2014 18:59:54 EST whoops. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5702868 I felt so balanced when I was busy with the conference, and food was not accessible at night. I enjoyed my meals during the day, and I put my fork down when I was satisfied. <BR> <BR> I kept it up for one day afterwards, but then I indulged that night - I had bought foods I previously forbade myself from eating, but I got out of control because I was stuck in the mindset that they were off limits. <BR> <BR> Well, I'm fixing it this time. I've got pre-portioned almond butter packets for th... Sun, 25 May 2014 14:52:28 EST snack attack! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5700375 oh, this afternoon, I was hungry. Actually, I was hungry all day. It was likely due to the fact that yesterday was not as full of filling foods as I'd have liked. When I get out of balance and too hungry, my body rebels and I overeat. <BR> <BR> Luckily, I overindulged in healthy foods, so no harm no foul - it'll all even out. <BR> <BR> My favorite snack of the day was celery dipped in salsa - so crunchy and satisfying! This is definitely becoming a regular in my snack-inducing stress-relie... Wed, 21 May 2014 23:38:46 EST all goals ARE attainable! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5697596 Sometimes I am surprised by the amazing feats I can accomplish fitness-wise compared to how hard I find it to change my diet. <BR> <BR> Case in point: this past year, I was able to complete my first half and full marathons. I placed first in my half and qualified for Boston in my full (6th in age group). <BR> <BR> Contrastingly, I've had a bad nighttime eating habit for four years now. Since high school (about 8 years), I've had a negative relationship with food. My diet-related progress ... Sun, 18 May 2014 10:47:52 EST the secret is taking control http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5695739 I feel I've finally discovered what it is that ensures that you achieve your goals - taking control! for too long I've let my emotions dictate my actions. <BR> <BR> No more! This girl's in control of her emotions - at least, working on getting there. I'm going to pause when I get cravings to evaluate my feelings and see whether or not I can improve my mood without food. I'm in control of my exercise routine, and I'm becoming more aware of my feelings - so excited to look as good on the outs... Thu, 15 May 2014 13:47:28 EST letting things go http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5695249 I broke up with my significant other today. Things just weren't working out for a variety of reasons: <BR> <BR> 1. I felt my attempts at communication were largely unreciprocated: I felt that every time I was reaching out to him, it was inconveniencing him in some way. He was always studying or doing something to help a friend out; if he prioritized the relationship like I did, we would've spent more time together. Also, I often called/texted and didn't hear back from him. What gives? If yo... Wed, 14 May 2014 22:23:05 EST self-love yoga http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5695038 well I got to go home last night at 1 AM, and I woke up at 5:30 AM to get supplies for my thesis and pick up some groceries. I was able to get out for a 3 mile hike by 7 AM, returned to my house to shower, and got to do vinyasa yoga from 9-10. <BR> <BR> This morning I was lamenting another dip into peanut butter, but yoga straightened me out - we started with a great hip opening stretch using a strap and a bolster, and we breathed in self-love. It felt amazing. doing my best to carry this i... Wed, 14 May 2014 15:35:55 EST sleepover http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5694556 tonight I'm having a sleepover in my lab - implementing the 2-chair bed :( but I was able to get some exercise in this afternoon, and I got myself some healthy dinner before sitting down and getting back into my school groove. <BR> <BR> Yoga's helping me to appreciate exercise for pure enjoyment and stress relief - for the first time in forever, I was so excited to work out AFTER all my work was done for the day. normally, end-of-day training feels like pulling teeth. Now, I rely on my work... Wed, 14 May 2014 00:16:33 EST oh, a migraine! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5693605 I ate too much chocolate yesterday, and I've got a terrible migraine as a result. <BR> <BR> feel surprisingly in better control of my eating. after that weekend bender of eating anything and everything I wanted to, I guess my body's finally craving some balance! <BR> <BR> seems I feel most balanced when I eat some veggies with lean protein in a dish with some ice water at the table. will definitely keep up this routine. <BR> <BR> a successfully balanced meal. now for a nap and hopefully... Mon, 12 May 2014 17:53:56 EST another marathon http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5693047 I signed up for another marathon this August - I'm going to run it on my way home from Glacier. it's up in Oregon and boasts some spectacular views of Mt. Bachelor and other Oregonian scenes. I'm excited for it! <BR> <BR> When I registered for this marathon, my goal was to get a lower marathon time to qualify for Boston and get a better registration slot for next April's marathon. But the Sunriver shebang is at 4100', and my ankle's been giving me much grief even in rest mode. Why not take t... Mon, 12 May 2014 04:30:52 EST eats http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5692785 getting back into being mindful of what I'm eating - snack attack around 3:30 PM! <BR> <BR> this morning I had ACV+H20 and some green tea. <BR> <BR> around 12 PM I had some salmon, and I tried a raw brownie. delish. <BR> <BR> at 2pm, some tomato chard kale soup. delish, made in crock pot. <BR> <BR> at 3:30 PM, just ate lots of strawberries with a sweet bean dip. yum. overindulged, but it will keep me full. <BR> <BR> walked 4.5 miles and did yoga. <BR> <BR> all healthy eats. the last w... Sun, 11 May 2014 18:42:21 EST calorie counting and the 80/20 rule http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691787 had a good talk with my counselor yesterday - my calorie counting seems to be a coping mechanism for me - that is, I do it when I get stressed. I use it to cope with stress about school and diet. It's a form of staying in control for me. <BR> <BR> She said it's likely something I'd like to stop eventually (uh, yeah!), but it might not be a good idea to put myself into that much discomfort fighting it during school and thesis writing and all. After all, that's enough stress in and of itself, ... Sat, 10 May 2014 09:01:03 EST some days http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5691483 some days you're going to overeat, and some days you're not going to exercise. that's life! there's nothing to be done! <BR> <BR> last night I overindulged. and this morning, I didn't work out. and that's okay. I'm not quite where I want to be right now, and that is okay. I will get there. everyone has down days, and I am not the exception to that rule. <BR> <BR> I'll go for a walk while I catch up with my sister on the phone, and I'll have a better afternoon than the morning I had. and to... Fri, 9 May 2014 18:22:58 EST today's eats http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5690912 7AM PB + bananas: can't go wrong. SO delicious. <BR> <BR> 2PM salad: cucumbers, grape tomatoes, baby carrots, spring greens with rice vinegar and dried herbs. so yummy. so HUNGRY after a 27 mile bike ride! <BR> <BR> 6:30 PM: <BR> peas+carrots (super tasty with no salt seasoning on them), <BR> roasted broccoli (SUPER tasty with no salt seasoning+curry+a little sea salt) <BR> sardines (was craving some protein, and this hit the spot!) <BR> frozen banana soft serve ice cream (HOLY MOLY; TH... Thu, 8 May 2014 22:43:21 EST oh, stress http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5689963 wow, sometimes it comes in big waves! today was hard. good yoga session (arms are sore), but lots of academic stress. maybe i'm just more aware of it, but boy do i get anxious a lot! <BR> <BR> managing it by writing... <BR> <BR> peanut butter <BR> oh, you're so delicious. but my tummy hurt SO bad after eating you. then... a bowel movement (or three!) <BR> <BR> hallelujah! <BR> <BR> had a grapefruit for breakfast, two cups of green tea, and am on my 2nd cup of ginger tea today. just want... Wed, 7 May 2014 17:22:51 EST oh, Turkish figs... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5689352 I bought figs to cover in chocolate for a friend who's running a 50k this weekend, but... I ate the figs after eating peas for dinner. whoops! <BR> <BR> They fit into my meal plan - I did the math, and I'm burning 350 less calories this week, and eating 2900 fewer calories. <BR> <BR> I suppose that means I'm making just a 2600 calorie deficit - a deficit, no less! Hopefully it will come out to some loss (I'm looking at YOU, 127.0 reading on the scale! I hope you'll make an entrance sometim... Tue, 6 May 2014 23:01:28 EST recent eats and a life changing exercise http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5688850 tempeh: <BR> nutty crunchy filling satisfying - just what I needed when feeling hungry before bed. <BR> but I was curious to find myself very anxious all afternoon, and angry. I didn't anticipate that much anger. I mean, I was mad at my roommate, but I was also mad at myself - I felt I'd end up eating everything and be a self-fulfilling prophecy. perhaps 10 minutes of decompressing meditation after school before getting into my home routine will help. <BR> <BR> fig muffins: <BR> again, de... Tue, 6 May 2014 10:44:54 EST dinner by candlelight http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5688480 mm, more cabbage rolls. <BR> they lull on my taste buds, zesty lemon has faded a bit, but leeks have turned up the savory notes. <BR> <BR> I had some silken tofu with cinnamon and a bit of stevia for dessert; it was like a cinnamon pudding. so creamy, a dreamy delight that provided just enough protein! <BR> <BR> After dinner, my roommate walked in and asked about fleas (he accused my cat of bringing them into the house about a month ago). I have yet to see one, and he says they're still ... Mon, 5 May 2014 22:51:09 EST swiss chard + avocado http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5688165 mmm what a yummy lunch today: <BR> <BR> I silenced my inner critic that made a stink when someone walked into the grad student lounge as I was making my lunch: <BR> <BR> "What the heck are you making? What are you thinking, steaming greens in the microwave? What is that SMELL?! Ugh, why don't you just buy food on campus?" <BR> <BR> Because this tastes delicious: fresh herbs with swiss chard, avocado, and rice vinegar is like heaven for my taste buds. And I feel energized eating it. It's t... Mon, 5 May 2014 15:37:34 EST grapefruit + fig muffins http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5687827 Grapefruit: <BR> Tart, tangy, <BR> the jump start to my Monday of a day - and so the week begins <BR> my head begins to spin but the grapefruit brings me back, <BR> reminds me that I am here, I am present, <BR> and although deadlines loom near, all I can do is what I am meant to. <BR> <BR> All is well, all is well. <BR> <BR> fig muffins: <BR> mm, you are chewy, my stress melts as I chomp into you. <BR> your chia and fig seeds remind me that crunch is one of my favorite textures, <BR>... Mon, 5 May 2014 09:02:24 EST peas, PB+banana http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5687508 peas <BR> so fresh, so decadent <BR> I love you. you are delicious. <BR> whoops, I overate. <BR> <BR> PB+banana <BR> just one spoonful, that's it. I open the fridge door and put the peanut butter back. <BR> water is so refreshing, will help fill me up so I don't eat more.... <BR> and yet, I reach back into the refrigerator. I open the peanut butter. I take another bite. <BR> Yum; it's so good. Just one more bite. <BR> <BR> What am I doing?! I need to stop, or I'll become overweight. I'l... Sun, 4 May 2014 21:23:13 EST kombucha, cabbage rolls, and steamed cabbage http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5687354 kombucha (7AM): <BR> lavender, sparkling relaxing never taxing lavender, you do my parched tongue good when I wake up to you. you command my taste buds to attention, yet you are never too sweet. <BR> Although I might have preferred raspberry (I was in need of something sweet this morning), you refreshed and soothed me, smoothed my morning away from the bump and grind that it usually is. thanks. <BR> <BR> cabbage rolls (12:30 PM): <BR> wowza, my taste buds are zinging, singing a joyous son... Sun, 4 May 2014 17:26:16 EST coconut flour porridge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5687016 wake up, time to get up start up the engines in my body and mind <BR> this morning, I'm running short on time <BR> so I go for something easy, something sweet - coconut porridge <BR> it soothes stress in its sweet bowl and steeps my courage <BR> to get up and get out and do things that I love <BR> my coconut porridge, so smooth, fits in a cinnamon and stevia glove <BR> of sweet and spice, going down so nice, <BR> its warm cakyness reminds me of birthdays when I was young and naive, <BR> of t... Sun, 4 May 2014 09:05:46 EST Sesame rice crackers http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5686763 This one is quick, a little negative, but it's what crossed my mind: <BR> <BR> Crunchy, salty, just the right glimpse of sweet <BR> you crunch between my teeth, and my stress silences for only a moment. <BR> Just one more, who's keeping score? <BR> <BR> I am, says the tummy. I am, say the legs. I am, say the cheeks. <BR> <BR> But my mind can't keep score any more than the next confused and anxious student, stating their confusion to an arrogant teacher who says the solution is obvious... Sat, 3 May 2014 22:10:48 EST Turkish figs http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5686759 This afternoon, I indulged in Turkish figs. <BR> Their crunchy seeds told stories of sweet, sticky, <BR> golden spring days upon which they sprawled in the sun, <BR> laundering sunlight into sugar <BR> and leaving no trace of their magic <BR> save the very air we breathe. <BR> <BR> Their insides burst open, pridefully purple <BR> spilling sweet gemstones of tang onto my tongue. <BR> Oh, how I remember the sweet summer days <BR> when haze lay low upon the horizon <BR> and my mini self... Sat, 3 May 2014 22:07:13 EST why not write about it? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5686742 I've been thinking quite a lot about how I can make food more enjoyable recently - ever since the onslaught of my eating disorder sophomore year in high school, I've equated food to strictly calories. And each time I've started to climb away from disordered eating, it's been due to the fact that I STOPPED counting calories and started ENJOYING food - its taste, its texture, the company it brings, and the bonds it creates. <BR> <BR> How can I hold myself to focusing on my food in a positive ... Sat, 3 May 2014 21:56:09 EST oops, I overindulged http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5686738 but it was delicious (figs and rice cracker overload!), brought my calorie average up to 2300 for the week. I burned the same amt of calories this week, so I am okay. <BR> <BR> I have a healthy menu planned for this week. focusing on enjoying food again. trying hard not to count calories (at least not obsessively - counted to see what the average was, and deleted the spreadsheet). It's ~1700 calories a day: <BR> <BR> Breakfast: fig coconut cinnamon muffins <BR> Snack: grapefruit <BR> Lunch:... Sat, 3 May 2014 21:47:01 EST eats today http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5685917 Checking in diet-wise with a quick list of what I've eaten: <BR> <BR> Breakfast: baked sweet potato with tahini, spices (yummy). almond milk for a drink along with iced green tea. <BR> Snack: tahini with stevia and cinnamon on a peach (better) <BR> Lunch: kale salad with lemon zest + juice of half, vinegar, spices <BR> Snack: 16 oz kombucha <BR> Dinner: will be baked sweet potato with coconut oil, kale, shallot, garlic, herbs, and black eyed peas. should be yummy! <BR> <BR> Ate too much ta... Fri, 2 May 2014 16:36:30 EST off. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5685808 ate too much last night. feel bloated today. hurrah for hydration. <BR> <BR> it's so hot which doesn't help the bloat... ohwell. I'm exercising (bike + power yoga), so i'm getting back into the swing of activity. <BR> <BR> I'm still down about that weigh in yesterday. I could've tried doing yoga to ease my worry rather than eating everything in sight and giving up. That would've been healthier. What step can I take to get there? It's just so automatic to eat. I should meditate a bit after ... Fri, 2 May 2014 13:28:03 EST reflecting on May Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5685355 Happy May Day, everyone. today, I'm just reflecting a little bit - read at your own risk! <BR> <BR> Eats of the day: <BR> Breakfast: nectarine, 2T tahini (didn't like; will not combine again) (260 calories) <BR> Snack: 2 sweet potatoes roasted with coconut oil, sage, thyme, oregano (YUM!!! but felt guilty for eating 2) (550 calories; 810 total) <BR> Lunch: head lettuce with rice vinegar + seasoning, peach (210 calories; 1020 total) <BR> Dinner: pumpkin with stevia + cinnamon (yum), 1/2 bun... Thu, 1 May 2014 23:23:17 EST