KANATAGIRL's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=KANATAGIRL KANATAGIRL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ ... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5477223 I buried my brother today. He was a really great guy. The congregation numbered 2500. It still hasn't sunk in. He died last week Wednesday. It was an open casket. I couldn't look at his face because when I looked it didn't look like him. There were even more wellwishers at the burial site. Everyone had a great story to tell about him. There was a lot of laughter as well as tears. A lot of hugs, almost felt hugged out. I still expected him to turn up during the whole thing, I don't know why. ... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 22:19:14 EST Back from the Brink http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5392626 Well whatever was causing me to be resistant towards exercise has passed. I'm actually looking forward to getting my butt handed back to me. <em>20</em> I went through a binge a couple days ago, hit the panic button and got some pretty good advice. I need to feed myself more than I have been doing, so today was a series of small meals spaced out every 2-3 hours which was doable. I'm not sticking to losing 2 lbs a week, looking at maybe aiming for 1 lb and even that isn't a definite. My bo... Mon, 17 Jun 2013 22:35:46 EST Hitting the Wall http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5380876 I kind of been rebelling against wanting to exercise, but I still go ahead and exercise anyway. Tried to remind myself that I would feel better afterwards and that helps a little bit but there's that nagging feeling of not wanting to do it. Realized that I'm a perfectionist, that if I don't do something 100% well that I don't want to do it at all, realized that I may be settling into a routine and that I might get bored with it even though my trainer works me hard and always brings a variety ... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 23:12:42 EST Clarification http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5346686 I asked him directly what he meant when he said he loved me. So my trainer explained himself via email. He said "There are many kinds of love and the love I feel for you is, I guess, a fondness. You're fun to be around. I look forward to seeing you and hanging out (he works me like it's my job. I guess I wouldn't call it hanging out!) . Kind of a relief to know. We've got a good thing going and I'm glad we are friends, and he's a really really good trainer, I get a lot out of our sessions a... Sun, 5 May 2013 21:38:13 EST It's not Monday! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5338690 What a week! A friend of mine that went missing has finally been found. My trainer who I haven't heard from since I cancelled training on Wednesday finally talked to me today. My SO and I went through a tense period and have come to an agreement about my working out meaning I got the OK to continue my Mon-Thurs schedule. First, my friend who was reported missing got into her car and just decided to drive anywhere to clear her head without telling anybody. After she had been missing for 24 hou... Sun, 28 Apr 2013 21:19:35 EST Egh... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5334611 So SO complained about not spending enough time/spending too much time at the gym. "Nobody needs to go that often" Riiiight, well I do! I go four days a week which leaves three days for the both of us. Not enough. I ended up cancelling going today, which meant telling little white lie which meant leaving a hole in the schedule that my trainer couldn't fill, and I could tell he wasn't pleased about it. Just so I could make SO happy. I really wanted to go too, but this was probably weeks in th... Wed, 24 Apr 2013 21:14:03 EST Food, food, food http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5321108 I had two high calorie meals in the past two days, a horribly greasy chinese meal (even though it was vegetarian) and a home-cooked meal that I didn't realize was so high cal in the food database. I'm hoping that it won't affect the four pounds I lost. I think I'm going to go back and forth on food. I want to enjoy foods that I used to eat but now I guess I'm going to have to figure out how to make them lower calorie/fat. I can eat smaller portions which I've been striving to do and thought I... Fri, 12 Apr 2013 17:33:33 EST On the wagon again http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5319051 Well I've got myself back on track, committing to exercise 4 days a week. I usually end up working out for an hour and a half to two hours with the same routine: <BR> 15 minutes on treadmill and 15 minutes on elliptical to warm up <BR> 50 to 60 minutes on upper/lower body strengthening or core exercises <BR> 30 minutes on treadmill to finish as I found out that doing cardio after strengthening burns more calories. <BR> It's been kind of gruelling but I'm looking at this as one day at a time. ... Wed, 10 Apr 2013 23:15:10 EST Have I reached my limit? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5314070 I started out good, then I think I blew it. I've been bingeing because I don't deal well with death or with somebody dying. I guess I shouldn't get ahead of myself,my brother is still here although for how long, nobody knows. That and an ongoing tiff with the occupiers( definitely not neighbours, I don't think they know the meaning of the word) the overall negativity about my brother's cancer from my SO, and I tipped. I ate a whole row of Oreo cookies, it's taken me approximately 3 days to fi... Sat, 6 Apr 2013 22:07:38 EST Still Keeping On http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5308151 Not much to say except I'm working out four days a week with core exercises and treadmill and a bit of elliptical (I'm on the most basic low level and aiming for 15 minutes) I have a great trainer (who noticed that I'm losing weight (yay!)) who works me hard and believes in me getting better and better. Still feel a little envious of the gym bunnies who zip past me,who have no problem running for a half hour straight on a 40% incline. I just keep telling myself that I will get to that level s... Mon, 1 Apr 2013 22:14:43 EST Mind over Matter http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5291758 I'm beginning to realize how much mental effort counts when it comes to exercise. I went to the gym feeling very reluctant about doing any exercise and whether I'll be able to do my sets. I thought I wouldn't be able to progress and I ended up surprising myself. I was able to do better than I thought I could and left feeling a lot more energized than before. It also helped that I had read some motivational quotes and repeated them to myself. So now i know that I can do it and do it better tha... Mon, 18 Mar 2013 22:56:27 EST This isn't the Biggest Loser http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5277868 I'm trying to figure out what my motivation is for exercise. My trainer ran me through a series of exercises to induce muscle fatigue. They worked. I feel it mostly in my arms especially the back of my arms, which I'm fine with. But I'm still struggling with the why of exercising. Do I do it to lose weight (I lost another five pounds which I'm glad with) but I don't want this to be my MO because I will be setting myself up for disappointment if I plateau or something. Do I want to be better ... Thu, 7 Mar 2013 19:37:47 EST My Little Workout http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5264065 Well, I went for my very first workout <em>244</em> . My trainer (HA! talking about him as if he's all my own) who I haven't seen in six years, greeted me like an old friend. I really like him. He's just this ray of positivity and good spirits. He put me through the paces and came up with a routine that I could do very easily on my own, but was still challenging. I thought I was really out of shape but I was surprised at how well I was able to to the reps. My arm and legs were quaking, bu... Mon, 25 Feb 2013 22:45:46 EST Not much to say about this... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5256611 Just received some news that knocked me for a bit of a loop concerning a relative. Not too much information I want to give out, just that it's the kind of info that makes you keenly aware of life and death, especially death. All I can do is look at whatever positives that can be mustered up about it. It makes me want to take care of myself even more, but it also makes me want to slack off and eat whatever the heck I want. Emotionally I'm stunned by this. I, can't imagine this person being out... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 19:44:27 EST Happy V-Day! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5250816 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/2/l1267385384.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Just wanted to wish everyone a happy valentine's day! <BR> <BR> <em>26</em> Thu, 14 Feb 2013 20:52:21 EST Ta Dah (sort of).. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5249498 Guess who went from a pair of snug size 18 jeans to a 14 with a teensy bit of room to spare ? <em>104</em> <BR> <BR> Guess who celebrated by having a mess of cheese fries? <em>24</em> They were pretty dang good though. <BR> <BR> Not a good choice, I know. Still trying to figure out how to reward myself without food being involved. Egh. The neat thing is that I managed to do this with no exercise, but I actually look forward to starting up next week. I'm tired of being winded when ... Wed, 13 Feb 2013 19:11:02 EST All quiet on the western front... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5248229 Doing much better on the health front. The antibiotics are kicking in and I am as close to my old self as can be. Still trying to watch my calories (realizing that life stops only temporarily when you are sick). My friend's son insists on saying hello to you all and to remind you that he's four years old (I'm babysitting). We're just watching The Taste (like I need to watch a foodie show right now). Am I the only one who thinks Anthony Bourdain is a hunk? Hopefully by next week I'll move o... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 20:35:52 EST Anyway... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5238003 I'm going to make this short because I'm all cruddy inside and out. I am stewing in a chemical bath of antibiotics, OTC cold/flu meds and painkillers so I feel like I'm encompassed in a wrapper made of batting cotton. It's just pretty darn amazing that I can hold my head up.But hey I think I lost some weight I'm just hoping it's not the kind that goes back on quickly as I've only been able to stomach soups and greek yogurt. I dunno. I'm not fighting anymore against this, just accepting th... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 23:14:35 EST wtf... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5226000 Went to the doctor yesterday because I had a hard time breathing and my left side was aching. Turns out I have a torn ligament in my back. So basically I have a low level flu, my back is in unbelievable pain and, to top it off, I'm PMSing. I mean seriously, is this a joke? I don't think I've ever fought so hard to remain on a diet and I wonder if this is God's way of telling me I ought to just step back and just take care of/comfort myself for now. I hope I'm making sense because I'm prett... Sun, 27 Jan 2013 18:44:19 EST Not again... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5223364 I'm getting achy and my joints kind of hurt and I'm coughing a lot. I'm hoping that I'm not getting a rebound of the flu. This would mean that I would have to forgo (or maybe not I really don't know) my "diet". I think I will probably keep eating the way I have been doing for the past week. Some things about my eating habits have changed already. I'm consciously choosing healthier choices, eating more vegetables, looking at lower calorie versions of foods I would eat, and being mindful of po... Fri, 25 Jan 2013 16:49:58 EST Sort of on point... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5219029 Took my mum to the clinic for an appointment and had to grab breakfast at the hospital. Ended up having a blueberry muffin and Starbucks loaded with cream & sugar. If I was in weight watchers I would have blown at least one third of my points. To fit into my caloric limits I dropped lunch and had dinner instead. Kind of difficult when you have an SO who eats whatever he wants to. He wanted tempura sole fishsticks and for simplicitys sake I had the same, just switched out french fries for bro... Tue, 22 Jan 2013 18:36:37 EST Back in the saddle or something like that http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5217382 Well I'm back on the wagon and have made my way through Day 1. I'm going to see my trainer sometime this week. I guess the reason I didn't feel like I was starting over again was because I watched what I was eating even though I pretty much ate anything I wanted (I guess that's the whole point of eating in moderation so I can have anything you want even "unhealthy" stuff) but I didn't overindulge and kept calorie count in mind. Hopefully I will keep this up without any obstacles this time. Mon, 21 Jan 2013 17:12:23 EST Oy Vey... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5208939 Since I've been out with this flu (did an overnighter in the hospital to make sure it wasn't pneumonia because I pretty much had a lot of the symptoms) everything has been bouleverser (french for turned upside down), Doctor recommended that I put off the idea of dieting and exercising for at least the rest of the week since I couldn't breathe properly and couldn't keep food down on top of it. Been sticking to liquids so I ended up losing weight but under the wrong circumstances, Bleurgh. Fun... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 19:53:30 EST Well, I done fell off the horse... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5199137 I've been hit with the flu and have been hacking for most of the day. I haven't eaten anything just drinking fluids warm and cold. I am not hungry for anything, but I know I might be setting myself up for late night eating. The only thing I can keep down is ice cream for my throat ache (it's medicinal, right? No?) I'm not going to beat myself up about this I'm just having a miserable day but hopefully this will all clear up by Friday (God Willing). I just got a call from my old trainer who wa... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 16:46:15 EST Salsa saved my life http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5197370 I'm really liking this low cal salsa I bought. It's chunky and spicy and I want to put it on everything. I had a "burrito" consisting of lentils and salsa, I've had a sweet potato which I've topped with salsa and a regular potato topped with salsa, heck I'll probably figure out a way to have salsa for dessert. Mixed berries and salsa, anyone <em>38</em> <BR> Tue, 8 Jan 2013 17:30:45 EST Day 1, not as bad as I expected http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5195869 just followed the meal plan. I had to substitute some items and exchange dinner for another but I kept within my calorie limits, in fact I was under, hope that won't be a problem as I've been reading about others not losing on a low calorie intake. Won't start fitness plan until I get used to eating the way I am now, so by next week I will probably start. There's a gym a couple of blocks away so I don't have any excuses. I didn't feel hungry but just to be on the safe side I'm staying away fr... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 21:39:04 EST Well, a couple of days to go... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5192430 I bought as much of the food on the menu plan that I could possibly afford so the diet may not all be kosher so I'll have to improvise with what I have in the house Had pizza today, most of a 10 inch it was a two for one deal so will have the other tomorrow. Plan on giving my junk food that I can't finish to my aunt. Prepared my SO for no junk food for as long as it takes. I'm in a kind of a mixture of antsy and a slight dread. I'm trying to leave room for error and tell myself to not be so ... Sat, 5 Jan 2013 23:57:19 EST Ugh, having second third fourth thoughts... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5184531 like how am I going to shop for myself and make meals for myself when the only thing I use lately is the microwave to heat up an entree because I can't be arsed to cook a meal for myself. I know how to cook, I just haven't done it on a consistent regular basis. I'm determined to do whatever I have to do to lose weight but I feel like I'll be juggling all of this and I might drop a ball. I'm trying really hard to not be perfectionistic about it all and to constantly remind myself it's a daily ... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 18:48:46 EST blast belly fat or something http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5178300 I kind of got suckered into this website called belly fat free. I didn't buy anything but it really sounds promising and easy (yes I know that losing weight requires a bit of elbow grease but I guess I'm just intimidated by the whole prospect of losing weight) . It involved eating foods that were not filled with"obesity additives" and high fructose corn syrup. The books cost around $67 dollars, which I am not paying for. I tried to root around on the web to see if there were any reviews and ... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 00:17:57 EST