JUST-DUCKY's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=JUST%2DDUCKY JUST-DUCKY's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Almost 4 years ago... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5351327 I joined Sparkpeople. I weighed exactly what I do today. During the years I have lost various amount ranging from 5-60 pounds and always gained it back. I'm disappointed in myself, I deserve better. <BR> <BR> This week, I decided to have weight loss surgery. If you've ever contemplated WLS, you know it's a battle in your mind. Accepting that I needed to do something so drastic broke me down and tore me up. I NEVER ask for help. I felt defeated. I felt it was my only hope. I got excited for ... Thu, 9 May 2013 19:32:03 EST Goals: 2/18 - 2/24 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5254576 I did pretty good with my goals last week. I could have done better with my water, but it was much better than before. Progress is progress, no matter how small. <BR> <BR> I lost 3.4 pounds this week. I'm very happy with that. That's 5.8 pounds since getting back on track. Headed in the right direction! Woohoo! <BR> <BR> Now I need to set some goals for this week. I think I'll keep last weeks goals and add to them. <BR> <BR> <em>194</em> Water! I need at least 100 oz a day. <BR> <B... Mon, 18 Feb 2013 09:20:39 EST Goals - 2/11- 2/17 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5246933 I need to get back into blogging. Lately, I'm just blank. Not really, I have so much to say that it's spilling over and not making a lick of sense. So for now, you get my goals for the week. <BR> <BR> <em>194</em> Water! First and foremost, I need to be drinking my water. 100 oz a day to be exact. <BR> <BR> <em>273</em> Taking my vitamins. I feel better when I take them and lately I've been forgetting. <BR> <BR> <em>387</em> Tracking. This isn't high on my list right now, but I... Mon, 11 Feb 2013 20:52:08 EST Improving me. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5222096 I've read a couple blogs recently that inspired me to make my own list of ways I can improve my life and be a happier person. <BR> <BR> <em>8</em> Make an effort to more present in my life and the life of my family. <BR> ~ put my phone away when conversing with guests and my family. Listen to what they have to say. <BR> ~ make more time for my kids. Talk to them more. Help Hannah with school work or other activities. Go to more events one-on-one. <BR> ~ watch TV with Mark without being d... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 19:19:27 EST Yup, it's time of year again! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5185079 In 2012, I lost a few friends but gained a couple even more valued ones. Our family went through a lot and I shed more tears than I would have liked. I let my pain rule my actions or lack of. In 2013, I am emerging. I resolve to better myself in all ways possible. I will be more in tune to my needs. I will not let my pain hold me back. I will remember my blessings. I will be a better friend to others and myself. I will be more positive and leave the negative behind. I will love with all I am.... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 23:08:25 EST Still hanging in there! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5114176 I thought it would be fun and get me into blogging again if I did some writing exercises. I found a list of weight related questions to get me started. Feel free to answer in a comment. <BR> <BR> Question: Where do you think you would be right now had you been a healthy weight your entire life? The same place, in the same relationships, with the same life experiences? Or in a completely different life? Will losing weight change your life situation? <BR> <BR> Answer: In all honesty, I think... Fri, 26 Oct 2012 22:13:14 EST Doin' it http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5110559 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/0/l2004894726.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I may stagger and stumble, but I always get back up. I really have no choice. <BR> <BR> Time to face that facts, I'm back up to 261. I despise what I'm doing to myself. I am worthy of being healthy. I am. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1183532076.jpg"> <BR> <BR> This is more than weight. This is health, emotional and physical. To over come my physical barriers means overcoming m... Tue, 23 Oct 2012 22:25:56 EST Get up! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5109171 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l1848230925.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/9/l596689992.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/3/l234636377.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/1/l1187169324.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/9/l1999488006.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Mon, 22 Oct 2012 22:24:02 EST Struggling...Again. Still? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5105506 I wish I could just get my act together but I just can't seem to find my way out this time. It's not for lack of want because I really and truly want to get healthy. I know in my heart that there will probably always be this little voice saying I don't deserve good things, that I don't deserve a healthy life, that I'm not worthy. But why? What makes me any less deserving than the next person? If I could answer that, I have a feeling that life would be very different for me. <BR> <BR> Each d... Fri, 19 Oct 2012 22:57:34 EST I choose pretty http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5097007 "Would you rather be pretty or fat?" <BR> <BR> I know that sounds like a horribly rude question but in context - it opened my eyes and made me realize how I was not in control of my life. <BR> <BR> In scenario one, I lose weight. I feel and look good. Hot even, pretty. I start feeling confident and wear clothes that fit, maybe even wear make-up again. I walk with my head held high and a smile on my face. I start getting noticed. <BR> <BR> In scenario two, I do not lose weight. I wear ba... Fri, 12 Oct 2012 22:27:56 EST Finding my spark http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5094400 I really need to get into blogging again and back on track. I've noticed that when I'm blogging, I'm focusing on the big picture. I haven't been focusing on the big picture in quite some time now. I've gained weight and lost confidence like you wouldn't believe. Well, unless you've been there and I imagine some (if not all) of you have. Once you lose confidence and that "spark" it is so very hard to get it back. I lay in bed at night thinking about how tomorrow I'm going to do this and I'm go... Wed, 10 Oct 2012 19:06:18 EST Truth is... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5085723 The truth is, a little over a month ago 2 of my children got into some trouble and got themselves arrested. The police were awesome and loved my kids so they didn't have to be in custody or anything. My 16 year old daughter was also raped that night. She's okay physically, it wasn't violent. Mentally she's better than can be expected. We've had a few crying fests and I can imagine there will be more. I'm glad she feels comfortable talking to me about it. She's such a tough girl. <BR> <BR> S... Wed, 3 Oct 2012 20:42:22 EST Crawling... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5083672 I wrote and posted a very different blog but deleted it to protect my family, mostly my daughter. Some things shouldn't be out for public display. <BR> <BR> The bottom line is that I have had some major things going on in the last month or so and I've self-destructed. I tend to blame myself when things go wrong and wrap myself in a bubble, with food. I sabotage my success because I lack self belief and self-love. <BR> <BR> Because of my lack of activity and stress, my fibromyalgia is flar... Tue, 2 Oct 2012 11:23:12 EST Truth time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5024641 I wrote about friendships and how I was struggling quite awhile ago, truth is: I'm still feeling alone and I'm still struggling. I have never upped my exercise from 10 minutes a day. And let's be honest here, 10 minutes a day probably does jack, right? Yeah, I'm doing 10 minutes more a day than I would be otherwise, but still! <BR> <BR> I'm still not mindful of what I'm eating and the truth is, I've gained 10 pounds back from my last weigh in 2 weeks ago. Getting on the scale this morning w... Tue, 21 Aug 2012 09:45:39 EST Day 48(?) of 100: Progress! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5003302 Yes!! I'm making progress! <BR> <BR> I feel guilty because I'm not really giving this 100 day challenge my all. I am still working out daily, but I am doing the minimal. I know I need to step it up again and that's what I'm working on this week. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/1/l514762629.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Today is weigh-in day. Since I've been eating more calories and doing less exercise, I was a bit worried about what the scale would say. It surprised me with ... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 11:05:35 EST Days 40-43 of 100: Update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4996167 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/5/l658143555.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I have been exercising daily for 43 days! Me! The girl who hardly moved off the couch unless absolutely necessary not too long ago. Yep and I'm proud. I'm not doing much, but I'm doing something. Every day. <BR> <BR> I think the biggest accomplishment for me is that I'm able to focus on me even though I've got so much other 'stuff' going on in my life. In the past, I would have found every excuse to not move. <B... Wed, 1 Aug 2012 10:44:28 EST Day 39 of 100: Epidermolysis Bullosa http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4990988 Don't worry guys, I'm still hanging in there. Fighting the good fight. On the wagon. Yeah, you get it. <BR> <BR> I have been super busy. <BR> <BR> I am part of a group of women who have been friends since 2008 when we were pregnant with our kids together. Some of us have gotten really close and formed strong bonds even though we've never met in person. Us Sparkies understand ho that happens because it happens here too. The group was so very excited for the birth of a baby boy just last we... Sat, 28 Jul 2012 21:55:43 EST Days 32-34 of 100: "You did not hear that" http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4983895 Alright, so I haven't really been exercising so great these last few days. I've been doing the absolute minimum in order to adhere to mine and MESAMA's 10 minute rule a day. No more than that and not walking, but marching in place or dancing while cleaning. Shame, shame. <BR> <BR> The night before last, I hardly slept. I was tossing and turning all night unable to get my back in a comfortable position. Last night I had to take Tylenol w/codeine just to sleep. <BR> <BR> Today I made an oop... Mon, 23 Jul 2012 21:01:14 EST Day 31: Still going! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4979713 No giving up for this girl! <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/2/l424660204.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/6/l668538247.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Fri, 20 Jul 2012 20:36:55 EST Day 30 of 100: spark http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4978278 Earlier this morning, I was very proud of the fact that I have lost most of the weight I had gained over the last few weeks (and it's not weigh-in day until Monday) and I was walking on cloud nine. I told hubby, expecting him to say something along the lines of "good job, keep up the good work" but instead, he said "that's good, but I don't want this to be like the other times and you stop..." At this point, I butted in and got angry "why can't you just believe in me?" and he tried to tell me... Thu, 19 Jul 2012 19:48:48 EST Day 29 of 100: Shine http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4976696 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/5/l65049742.jpg"> <BR> <BR> So often we don't see the light in our own being, but the light in others is overpowering. I see yours. I look at each and every one of my SP friends and those who comment on my blogs, others I find somewhere along the way and see the potential and the strength in you. Your light empowers me and inspires me to be who I'm meant to be. <BR> <BR> When I tell my husband about how I inspired someone or how someone comm... Wed, 18 Jul 2012 20:03:09 EST Day 27 & 28 of 100: Becoming me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4975020 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l183031998.jpg"> <BR> <BR> What do I do if I wake up and absolutely do not want to work out? I do it anyway, of course. Why? Do I have to do it? Nope, not really. Do I want to do it? Absolutely. Why? Because it makes me proud. I'm building myself and this is who I want to be. So I be it. <BR> <BR> I have worked out every single day for the last 28 days, I did that! And I'm stinkin' proud of myself. The 'old' me never would have done this. ... Tue, 17 Jul 2012 18:40:18 EST Days 25 & 26: Fighting http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4971206 I don't know what's been going on with me. I just can't seem to get a handle on my eating lately. I am not in control at all and I don't like it. I start the day of fine, maybe even do lunch okay but somewhere in there I slip up and slip up bad. It's very frustrating because I know I can do this. I've gained over 5 pounds back in this battle with myself. I'm going to lose it and I'm going to get this under control but right now quite frankly, I'm PO'ed at myself! I know I used this quote in ... Sun, 15 Jul 2012 12:18:21 EST Day 24: You are unique http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4968661 I had a bunch of quotes all lined up for my blog today, but then I came across this gem. I mean, really. I can't say anything more powerful or more true. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/1/l416218936.jpg"> <BR> <BR> In the end, we all have to find our reason to shine. Who are we to take our light away from people who need it? And if you don't think you're anything special - think again. You are. We all are. And I love you. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sp... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 11:58:54 EST Day 23 of 100: Happiness http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4967575 What a day! On the way home from my 3 year old's dr visit, our van broke down. I knew it was coming because it's been overheating a few weeks now. I didn't see it leaking, but had to put water in it quite often. Luckily, I made it close to my brother's place of work and he's a mechanic. His boss is awesome. He let my brother come get us and take us home. He got my van into the shop and fixed it all up, new radiator hose and a long-over due oil change. His boss told me to not pay him this week... Thu, 12 Jul 2012 17:29:18 EST Day 22 of 100: New http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4965797 I haven't discussed lately why I am counting days. My friend MESAMA and I are doing a challenge where we consistently work out for 100 days. We have committed to just 10 minutes a day but can do more if we want of course. <BR> <BR> Here is the team that got us started on this: <BR> <BR> <link>www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i<BR>ndividual.asp?gid=37460 </link> <BR> <BR> Someone suggested after my last blog to think of something good about myself each night before bed. I plan on tr... Wed, 11 Jul 2012 16:04:19 EST Day 21 of 100: Atelophobia http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4964593 <link>www.wisegeek.com/what-is-atelophobia<BR>.htm </link> <BR> <BR> "Atelophobia is a condition in which an individual exhibits an extreme fear of failing to achieve perfection in any of their actions, ideas, or beliefs. This highly sensitized and fearful aversion to any type of imperfection in their lives can cause people to become highly critical of anything they say or do, always fearing that their offerings are flawed and not good enough. The atelophobia fear of imperfection goes far... Tue, 10 Jul 2012 21:46:18 EST Day 20 of 100: Get up. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4963012 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/4/l342155940.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I had another tough day today. It started with my oldest daughter again. It's hard because it's so much on me to have them here. They don't drive so just for them to come over I have to pick them up and then I have to bring them home. It's not as simple as them just coming over. And with hubby's vision problems, he can't drive so it's all on me. I have 2 kids and my daughter's boyfriend who are old enough to drive ... Mon, 9 Jul 2012 22:07:15 EST Day 19 of 100: Frustrated http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4961165 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/1/l218369801.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I guess as a woman I have every right to go from feeling empowered and in control one day to depressed and PO'ed at the world the next day, right? I don't understand it, but whatever. It is what it is. <BR> <BR> My oldest daughter is here with her boyfriend and kids. My house is loud and messy. The grand-daughters are whiny and tired. I want to run away! She's here to do laundry. I don't mind helping her out, but... Sun, 8 Jul 2012 21:14:04 EST Day 18 of 100: Healing http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4959495 I know I keep saying that this time is different and it really is. I feel things changing inside of me, I feel a spark I've never felt before. I don't understand how or why this is it, but it is. This is it. <BR> <BR> Today as I was walking on my treadmill, I felt the sweat dripping off me and I felt empowered. I felt like I was washing away the pain of my past through my pores. My body was crying and healing. The wounds of hurt and abuse were being flushed from my system as I pushed harder... Sat, 7 Jul 2012 16:22:43 EST Day 17 of 100: Love http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4957871 After I finished my workout and sat down to type my blog, I had something very different in mind than I do now. I was tired when I woke up and did not feel like working out at all. I knew if I didn't do it right away, I'd find excuses all day so I just jumped on my treadmill and got it done. I planned on blogging about working out even when you don't want to. And then I searched for this quote: <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/5/l257390216.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I found ... Fri, 6 Jul 2012 11:20:52 EST Day 16 of 100: No excuses http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4956858 <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/5/l155217375.jpg"> <BR> <BR> <em>381</em> <BR> <BR> Nice! SP has more emoticons! I love it. <BR> <BR> <em>386</em> Thu, 5 Jul 2012 17:08:30 EST Day 15 of 100: Family http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4955615 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/7/l371645871.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Today we had the family here for a BBQ. It was really nice. I think everyone had a good time. <BR> <BR> I tried a couple lower cal/lower fat salad recipes and they were a flop. I was pretty disappointed. Normally I make a killer macaroni salad but just wanted to make it healthy this time. Not again! I promised everyone that next time, I'm just making everything full-fat and loaded with calories. They liked that i... Wed, 4 Jul 2012 21:31:46 EST Day 14 of 100: Choices (long) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4953838 My son suffers from mental illness. He was diagnosed as bipolar with psychotic tendencies. I'll explain the 'psychotic tendencies' a bit because it's unique to him. He has had delusions ever since he was around 6, I'm guessing the age since we really aren't sure. His childhood memories are a mixed bag of real and not real memories. It's not just a single episode, like when someone hallucinates and sees things in a room or thinks something is happening that's not. His memories are of people an... Tue, 3 Jul 2012 16:09:54 EST Day 13 of 100: Struggling http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4952661 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l184119962.jpg"> <BR> <BR> As hard as I've tried literally on and off all day, I can not find the words to express how I feel today. <BR> <BR> I'm hanging on. Always hanging on. Made it through the day. Will make it tomorrow too, I suppose. Mon, 2 Jul 2012 21:52:07 EST Day 12 of 100: BUSY, busy, busy! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4951728 Yesterday was a crazy busy day! <BR> <BR> I got my mile walk in right as I got up because I knew I wouldn't get a chance to do it later and I was SO right. <BR> <BR> Went to visit my Grandparents. I took my oldest daughter and her girls with me since my hubby was sick (still is too) I checked on Hubby after picking her up and after we visited them because his temp was spiking and I wanted to be sure he didn't need anything. Poor guy has never been so sick. <BR> <BR> <BR> I took my daug... Mon, 2 Jul 2012 10:47:35 EST Day 11 of 100: motivation http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4948939 So what gets you motivated? What keeps you going when the going gets tough? <BR> <BR> For me, my family keeps me going. I want to be a healthy active part of our family. I want to be able to play with my little girl and my beautiful grand-daughters for a very long time to come. I want to grow old and be a great-great-grandma someday just like my Grandma is. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/2/9/l290229571.jpg"> <BR> (my crazy kids, this is a bit old but it's rare to... Sat, 30 Jun 2012 12:36:30 EST Day 10 of 100: Goals http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4947872 I worked on this first part last night. It really helped me to refocus and get some of the motivation I've been lacking. <BR> <BR> What do I hope to accomplish? Why am I doing this? <BR> <BR> It's really quite simple: <BR> <BR> I don't want to be the fat girl. <BR> <BR> I want to have that gap between my thighs. <BR> <BR> I want to buy a little black dress and be confident in it. <BR> <BR> I want to look sexy for my husband. <BR> <BR> More importantly, I want to FEEL sexy. <BR> ... Fri, 29 Jun 2012 14:57:47 EST Day 9 of 100: Giving up is not an option. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4946583 The doubts crept in today. You know that little voice that says "you can't do this, why bother, stop trying, you're going to fail again" and I was able to push it away. At least for awhile. I'm sure it'll be back, but I'm not going to let it win. I CAN do this, I'm going to keep going, I'm not going to fail and even if I don't really believe any of what I'm saying - I can pretend I do. I might not believe in myself just yet, but I'm stronger than I used to be and I'm getting there. <BR> <BR... Thu, 28 Jun 2012 16:59:04 EST I just have to share this... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4945097 I am friends with a girl on FB who has lost probably almost 200 pounds and is nearing goal. She is really amazing and inspires others all over the world. But this isn't about her. A friend of hers commented on friends FB status about how she's self conscious and always thinks people are judging her when she's out in public to exercise. I shared with her a blog that I read and was so inspired by. Since it inspires me so much, I have shared it with almost everyone I know who's dealing with weig... Wed, 27 Jun 2012 17:41:26 EST Day 8 of 100 Day Challenge: Pain, shmain... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4944934 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/1/8/l182910584.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Yes, I just posted a picture of a sock. Would you think anything as simple as a sock could cause terrible pain? Well, it has for me. <BR> <BR> You see, I was putting on my sock yesterday afternoon and pulled a muscle in my back! How does this happen? I guess I was probably in a weird position as I stood and tried putting on my sock because when you're heavy, this stuff is like performing magic tricks. This trick ... Wed, 27 Jun 2012 15:39:29 EST Sometimes all you can do is laugh.. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4943637 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/5/8/l589541358.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Sometimes it feels life everything is against you and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. So just enjoy the ride and do your best. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/9/9/l998401226.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Laugh often... <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/1/l711754292.jpg"> <BR> <BR> Let go... <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/1/l61137668... Tue, 26 Jun 2012 18:53:09 EST Day 6 and 7 of 100 Day Challenge: So far... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4942826 I know I said in a previous blog that my lack of blogging means lack of exercise, but that isn't the case this time. My lack of blogging was because I'm a klutz and spilled water on my laptop. I left if off for a day to be sure it was nice and dry. It's all good. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I walked a mile on the treadmill, slow and steady because I still hurt. <BR> <BR> This morning I managed half a mile. <BR> <BR> I don't know if it's PMS or what, but I'm really struggling. I'm feeling alone ... Tue, 26 Jun 2012 09:03:43 EST Day 5 of 100 Day Challenge: Accepting me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4939989 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/7/9/l799709341.jpg"> <BR> <BR> That's what I'm dealing with today. It seems some kind of stomach bug has found it's way to me. Lovely! Plus my knee is a little sore, a result of my pushing myself on the treadmill no doubt. But is that going to get me down? Is that going to stop me? Hell no. It means, I won't push myself quite so hard, but I'm not giving in to a little illness/pain. No way. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/... Sun, 24 Jun 2012 10:58:16 EST Day 4 of 100 Day Challenge: My purpose? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4939548 I am pooped! Really pooped! I didn't get a chance to workout this morning so just got done a few minutes ago. After yesterday's workout and how good it felt to sweat my butt off, I decided to go for it again. I pushed myself even harder. I wanted to beat my time for a mile. I got my treadmill up to 3mph and held it steady. I was dripping by 5 minutes...lol. I'm such a wuss and SO out of shape. I tried jogging at 4.something but my treadmill did not like that. I saw in the reviews when buying ... Sat, 23 Jun 2012 22:54:09 EST Day 3 of 100 Day Challenge: Keep moving... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4937889 I pushed myself harder than I have in quite awhile this morning. I got on the treadmill to do my mile and pushed the speed button until I got it to 3.5 and then slowed it back down to 3.1 and kept it steady. Normally I walk at about 2.5, but after going up to 3.5, that felt so slow so I was able to go faster. Haha. That reminds me of "snake" on one of my first cell phones. Anyone remember that game? You had to steer a "snake" around dots on the phone and the snake kept getting longer. The tri... Fri, 22 Jun 2012 15:32:59 EST Day 2 of 100 Day Challenge: Stressing big time http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4936923 First, let me say I did 1 mile in 24 minutes on the treadmill today. It seemed easier and I didn't "tip" so much to the side. I was able to do probably half a mile without holding on too. I was still a bit dizzy after stopping, but not as bad. I guess it doesn't take too long to get used to after all. <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/4/6/l464938754.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I know it's hotter in other places, but this heat is killing me! I am so swollen and achy, it's ridicul... Thu, 21 Jun 2012 22:30:40 EST Day 1 of 100 Day Challenge http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4934705 <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/3/3/l336790450.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I joined a sparkteam today that challenges you to exercise for 100 consecutive days. This will sure be a true challenge for me. I'm pretty sure I've said it before, possibly even several times before but I despise exercise. However, this is not something I can afford to sacrifice. I've learned recently that at least some form of exercise every day helps my pain level. I need to exercise for weight loss. In the past... Wed, 20 Jun 2012 12:22:40 EST Becoming Me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4933990 All my life I've hidden. I've hidden from my family. My friends. Me. I never wanted to be noticed or shine. I wanted to hide. A few years ago when I lost 94 pounds and started getting the attention of guys at work, I panicked. Literally, I could feel the fear rise up in me. I shrunk back into my shell and started building up those walls again. Walls of fat. Walls of fear. Walls of pain. I'm not sure if I'm ready to tear down those walls again, but I think I've got to a pretty good start. I fe... Tue, 19 Jun 2012 23:18:19 EST What now? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=4932300 So, the bootcamp challenge is over. What do I do now? During the challenge, I knew what I had to do each day. Now I'm left to my own devices. I honestly despise exercise and if I have a choice, I won't do it. <BR> <BR> But wait! Maybe...maybe that's not really true. I did have a choice. I chose to get up each day and turn on those videos. I chose Me. I really can do this, can't I? <BR> <BR> <img src="http://photos-ak.sparkpeople.com/nw/6/8/l682864102.jpg"> <BR> <BR> I have to think of s... Mon, 18 Jun 2012 22:20:26 EST