JOYFULJUDYLYNN's SparkPeople Blog JOYFULJUDYLYNN's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community My Life Changing Moment (off WL topic) I've been going back and forth about blogging about this, mostly because it seemed too personal, too precious, too "mine" to share with others for awhile. But while I've treasured and savored the details for nearly 2 months, I'm also ready to share them. <BR> <BR> As most people in my life know, I am adopted. I have always believed that the early, troubling start to my life deeply impacted my self esteem, self worth, and ultimately, my weight. I was a chubby child (very much like my own... Fri, 25 Oct 2013 10:29:03 EST Relosing regained weight, surgery, and a plan I know I've been MIA lately. In all honesty, I've been depressed about my injury and living in chronic pain, seeing no light at the end of this tunnel. And I've regained 30# of the 80 I lost last year. Sucks. But only I did it. And only I can change it. <BR> <BR> My husband and I drove to Seattle Monday afternoon for yet another surgery consult with yet another surgeon. After 3 doctors telling me I'm "inoperable", my hopes were not set high. But we were shocked! She said Yes! Not on... Thu, 24 Oct 2013 11:29:34 EST Changes and challenges Hello Sparkpeople friends! Just some reassurance that I am still here. :) I continue to struggle with my large abdominal hernia which has been deemed inoperable by 3 surgeons. This has taken my pain level way UP, and my activity level way DOWN. And I've gained back about 12#. :( <BR> <BR> BUT! I'm not giving up. I'm still trying to eat right, and started Plexus Slim today after some friends have had good results. Since I can't really exercise, I've got to get the nutrition piece rig... Mon, 5 Aug 2013 22:25:27 EST Update... and perhaps a little TMI I haven't blogged for a while. Mostly because I have been very preoccupied with my health and just getting by. <BR> <BR> As I've noted in a few status updates, my surgery was canceled due to an insurance authorization oops. I worked with the local surgeon's office to be tentatively scheduled for next week. Then I was reaching into a closet for something and felt a sharp pain in my abdomen. This resulted in ongoing and worsening pain that led to the ER. My hernia had torn even further. ... Sun, 17 Feb 2013 15:50:59 EST Nothing says "Happy Valentines Day!" like a bedpan... Or "Happy Birthday" for that matter. As surgery is on Tuesday afternoon, I will be in the hospital and drugged pretty efficiently for both my husband's 45th birthday on Wednesday, and V-day on Thursday. Doesn't that sound fun and romantic? <em>211</em> <BR> <BR> I'm actually pretty sad about this. Our 4 yr old thinks V-day is the best day ever. And I'd really like to be around to make my hubby's birthday special. So, rather than sitting around having a panic attack about surgery, I... Fri, 8 Feb 2013 11:28:22 EST Surgery is scheduled! I saw the surgeon this afternoon. And after a lot of hemming and hawing about doing the surgery here vs. Seattle, he agreed. BARELY. Apparently he's the best hernia surgeon in town, but he said it's a very complicated and HUGE hernia (he called it a "monster hernia"). However, he was concerned that the university of WA hospital would take too long to get me in and it needs to be done asap. So I'm scheduled for Tuesday at 2:15. <BR> <BR> He is a little unsure of what the surgery will all ... Wed, 6 Feb 2013 21:00:06 EST Woo Hoo! I'm "Obese"! I saw the doctor today about my hernia. <BR> <BR> Bad news: Surgery is inevitable, and will be sooner rather than later. She wants me to see a surgeon this week, and a CT scan will likely be soon as well. Since I've had a life threatening bowel obstruction before, I'm at a high risk for another one. The big question now is if the local guy will even be willing to operate since this will be the 5th repair of this hernia. <BR> <BR> Good news: I'm obese!!! Ok... that doesn't look like ... Mon, 4 Feb 2013 21:18:11 EST Anxiety about sizing OUT of a plus size store? Weird, right? But yes! I'm having some anxiety about this. <BR> <BR> Yesterday I was pretty down about my recurrent hernia and beginning the process of surgical consultation all over again. But after some prayer and emotional re-grouping, I am trying to rest in the belief that God sees the big picture. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change...." Yep, I've been praying that a lot. I'm instead focusing on things I can change and do.... like eating well, exerc... Sat, 2 Feb 2013 20:50:47 EST Overwhelmed and Frustrated I'm so annoyed and frustrated right now. I have been so focused on getting the pannectomy surgery that I WANT that I have been avoiding a very real fact. I have a hernia. Again. That probably needs surgical repair. Again. SERIOUSLY!?!?!?! I have had this stupid ventral hernia repaired 4 times already, and have 3 meshes holding me together. It's been bulging more during exercise the past few weeks, and yesterday became very painful while doing crunches on the bosu ball. <BR> <BR> If... Fri, 1 Feb 2013 15:59:56 EST I don't wanna! That has been running through my mind all day when I thought of the gym. "I don't wanna!"... like my 4 year old tells me about eating her vegetables. <BR> <BR> Have you had those days? When you just don't WANT to eat well or go to the gym? Yeah... me to. <BR> <BR> Yesterday and today have been very stressful work days for me. Yesterday my calories were about 250 higher than I like, and I think I probably was eating a bit more for energy (they were very healthy calories). Today I did t... Tue, 29 Jan 2013 21:21:03 EST What are the odds that EVERYONE around me has poor vision? Pretty slight, right? <BR> <BR> Seriously, though, today the thought, "is she smoking crack?" passed through my mind a time or two. <BR> <BR> First, I let my 4 year old play with the camera today while I was prepping some veggies. She captured a few shots that I frankly thought were great photography for a little one! I proudly posted her work on facebook, and was shocked at how many comments I got from friends and family about how I look. Works like "tiny", and "thin" kept showing ... Sat, 26 Jan 2013 21:36:50 EST Serenity For the past week or so, the serenity prayer has been going through my mind. A lot. At really random times. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict. The only AA meetings I've ever attended were during college as requirements for my social work classes. The prayer has never had any particular meaning to me. Until this week. <BR> <BR> "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I can not change. <BR> The COURAGE to change the things I can. <BR> And the wisdom to know the differenc... Thu, 24 Jan 2013 18:11:21 EST It's January.... what can YOU accomplish for yourself this year? I haven't been very good about taking monthly photos for the last 5 or so months, but I did take them today. And while looking at them, I couldn't help but compare it to a year ago. <BR> <BR> At 310#, I was still quite a bit smaller than my highest weight of 420#. But I wasn't happy. I certainly wasn't healthy. And I definitely wasn't active. <BR> <BR> On January 3, I was in line at McDonalds, and wondered if I made just one BETTER decision, if I could build on it and get back on tra... Tue, 22 Jan 2013 21:07:34 EST Realistic expectations This morning I met with a plastic surgeon regarding a pannectomy. I can not even express how anxious and nervous I was! After decades of feeling like people judge my physical appearance and find me lacking, I was a wreck about what this one man's opinion would be! Would he tell me I haven't lost enough weight? Would he tell me that he couldn't help me? <BR> <BR> First.... I will say that it's pretty embarrassing to put your skin/fat folds and wrinkles out there for someone to see and ... Mon, 21 Jan 2013 20:35:52 EST First time for everything... having FUN clothes shopping???? Yes. Today, for the first time since my teen years, I had FUN at the mall. I was excited to look at styles and colors. Happy to use my coupons to get some good deals. And a miracle happened.... I left the mall feeling FANTASTIC about myself. <BR> <BR> To understand why this is such a big deal, we need to go back in time. At one time in my life, I went years without going to a mall. Frankly, there was no point. There was nothing in the mall that would fit me. Everything I wore was ord... Sat, 19 Jan 2013 17:26:38 EST Surgery consult on Monday.... fingers crossed I have an appointment to consult a plastic surgeon on Monday morning. I'm nervous. Beyond nervous... I'm kind of a wreck. Perhaps I'm putting too much weight on this one man's opinion. But I feel like I have a lot riding on it. <BR> <BR> You can not lose 183# and NOT have excess skin. (If you do.... wow, you have some FANTASTIC genes!) Throw in that during the time it took to lose that weight, I aged 10 years, had a baby, 2 miscarriages, and 7 abdominal surgeries. Yeah.... my body i... Fri, 18 Jan 2013 22:34:27 EST **lightbulb!** Regaining weight is NOT failing! When I was a kid, I often worked along side my dad (hardest worker I've ever met!). He would tease me, always saying the same thing... "She's like a donkey. The closer we get to the end, the faster she goes!" It never failed to make me laugh. And it really is a true perception about my personality. The closer I get to the end of tasks (particularly distasteful ones), the more I tend to focus and just get it done. This particular trait drives my laid back husband NUTS! "We do NOT have ... Thu, 17 Jan 2013 22:56:01 EST Consistency... NOT Perfection I don't think the scale has caught up to my body yet. I see/feel changes in the past week that are NOT being reflected on the scale. <BR> <BR> According to the SCALE, I have lost 3 pounds in the past 2 weeks. <BR> <BR> According to my clothes, my eyes, and how I feel.... that number isn't representative. Yesterday I noticed hollows and contours in my face that were not there 2 weeks ago. Pants that fit a bit uncomfortably 2 weeks ago were perfect today. Sad to say.... the favorite bra ... Tue, 15 Jan 2013 20:56:07 EST Even "success stories" have bad days I've never seen myself as a success story regarding weight loss. Never. Yes, I've lost 182#, but I tend to focus on the 70 or so excess pounds still to go. I'm kind of a glass half empty kind of girl. <em>24</em> <BR> <BR> However, my blog post "WHY I am doing this" received an unexpected and amazing response. And I have read and cherished every single comment. Every one. And I was shocked at how many times people called my story one of success. It gave me a lot to think about th... Sun, 13 Jan 2013 15:42:03 EST The "Resolutionists" at the gym I get to the gym whenever I can make time in my day. It differs from day to day, unlike a lot of people at my gym who seem to have a routine. Yesterday I went in the late afternoon and it was BUSY! Nearly every piece of cardio equipment in the women's gym (where I hide out most days) was taken, as were a lot of pieces of weight equipment. There were also a lot of new faces, puffing ladies, and loudly clanking weights from inexperienced users. <BR> <BR> This morning I went and it was just... Thu, 10 Jan 2013 14:17:24 EST Forgive me as I Digress... I really do have a point A few days ago, I was working out with some AMAZING women I've been blessed to meet at my gym through my trainer, Sarah. And I have to admit... it is such a blessing to laugh at ourselves in an environment filled with love, support, and understanding. <BR> <BR> Now, I met Sarah a year ago. I had already successfully lost a significant amount of weight, but was gaining it back at a rapid pace. And I had NEVER tried to incorporate fitness into my life. Diet, yes. Fitness, never. So my hu... Wed, 9 Jan 2013 18:36:39 EST Forgiving and Loving "that girl" in the Mirror I have read and re-read my last blog entry several times. I find it amazing that this particular blog post received so much feedback, because it was an uncomfortable post to put out there. It was an acknowledgment of something I've been avoiding and denying for far too long. <BR> <BR> For the past year, I have had my ticker set for my CURRENT weight loss (past years worth). When people asked me how much weight I'd lost, I'd proudly tell them the number of pounds I'd lost in 2012. At eac... Mon, 7 Jan 2013 22:03:51 EST WHY I am doing this "I am not trying to be a super model". <BR> <BR> I have said this so many times lately. In response to people's questions about my weight loss goals. In response to my physician's inquiry about why I want my excess skin removed from my tummy area. <BR> <BR> Nope. I'm not trying to be a super model. It was never in the cards, and never a part of my aspirations. <BR> <BR> 11 years ago, this was me: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> Behin... Sun, 6 Jan 2013 16:40:48 EST Maybe my recent "relapse" was a GOOD thing On October 29, I hit my yearly goal of losing 70#. And I spent the next couple weeks just maintaining. Then the holidays hit. I basically spent 6-8 weeks slipping into some old habits. I still did a lot of strength training, but little cardio. And ate WAY too much junk. I stopped THINKING about what I ate, and fell back into the habit of eating what I wanted in the moment. <BR> <BR> Then I gained back nearly 6#. I was a little shocked how quickly I could undo my hard work. So, I call... Sat, 5 Jan 2013 12:48:24 EST Forgiving myself and moving on towards new goals for 2013 For the past 6-8 weeks, I have not been taking good care of myself. I've been strength training sporadically, and cardio has been non-existent. And my eating habits have been getting progressively worse. The result? I gained back over 5# of the 70# I lost in 2012. VERY frustrating. <BR> <BR> The past few days has been me refocusing and getting my MIND back into the game. Because honestly.... each night for weeks I went to bed berating myself for the choices I made that day, wanting des... Tue, 1 Jan 2013 18:30:18 EST My cup overflows Today we took our daughter to the Central WA fair. In spite of a couple rough moments, we had a blast. I am continually amazed at my increased participation in life with my more mobile body. <BR> <BR> This is what some people in my life don't understand... I am not losing weight to be a super model. I have abused my body my entire life. You don't lose 170# and expect your skin to bounce back, or not have sag and wag. I am losing weight to be active, have choices, and live the life I W... Sun, 30 Sep 2012 00:42:07 EST A picture made me cry So today, I ran across this picture of my daughter and I last Halloween. It made me cry: <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> What makes this so sad to me, is I remember my husband posting that pic on FB and thinking "At least I don't look too fat!" Talk about denial! <BR> <BR> Here's a shot from a few weeks ago in Seattle: <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I know I still have a long wa... Thu, 27 Sep 2012 22:39:56 EST Back to the basics For the past month or two (since my miscarriage) I have been eating the same foods as always, but I have not been tracking. I have been exercising, but not as frequently. I have been losing weight, but not much. Yes, I see a correlation. <BR> <BR> So, today I will make an effort to track what I'm eating. I met with my trainer yesterday, and am heading back to the gym today. I feel like the past several months have been an avalanche of physical challenges (dental issues, miscarriage, ... Tue, 25 Sep 2012 10:37:10 EST A small victory I am now closer to 200# than to 300#. I don't know why beating the 250# means something to me, but it does. It's been several years since I've actually been UNDER the weigh limit on many household items I use (chairs, step stools, etc). but now I am. <BR> <BR> 59# gone. 11# to go to hit my goal for this year! Fri, 14 Sep 2012 11:39:51 EST What a difference! This weekend, my hubby and I drove to Seattle for a romantic weekend getaway. We parked the van at the hotel, and walked, walked, walked! Everywhere we wanted to go, we walked. And I managed just fine! <BR> <BR> A couple things I noticed: <BR> 1) walking a couple miles in one day, and standing for a few hours looking at museum exhibits is MUCH easier nearly 60# lighter. <BR> <BR> 2) Usually in situations like this, I feel like people are staring at me because of my size. I didn't fe... Mon, 10 Sep 2012 18:28:19 EST MAJOR goal achieved today! When I set out on this journey (for the umpteenth time!), I wanted to get healthy for my daughter. I wanted to be ACTIVE with her. I wanted to play WITH her, not just watch her play. I wanted to be able to fit in places with her and let her focus on the fun of childhood, rather than on mommy's limitations. <BR> <BR> Today, I felt freedom. Today, my daughter got an ACTIVE mommy. <BR> <BR> We went to the fair today, and my 4 yr old was dieing to go on rides. But was scared of them at the... Fri, 24 Aug 2012 22:39:18 EST Workin' out with my baby girl! (pics) My trainer had me start holding plank this week, and suggested I get my 4 yr old involved. So I did! <BR> <BR> <img src=""> <BR> <BR> What a blast! I love the time with her, and I know that she soaks up and imitates every little thing I do. So I need to ensure that I'm modeling stuff I WANT her to emulate. I haven't done a great job of that the majority of her short life. But I love that I was able to change that. <BR> <BR> <i... Mon, 20 Aug 2012 20:38:59 EST Getting back to feeling like ME This has been a strange week... my emotions and body have run the gamut between grief to normal, from pain to a great work out. Healing is taking place. Both physically and emotionally, I am healing. <BR> <BR> My hamstrings are hurting from some squats with weights, as well as some one-legged reps on the leg press. But it's a good hurt... a hurt that tells me that I am gaining something rather than the pain of the miscarriage, which was about losing something. <BR> <BR> This morning ... Fri, 17 Aug 2012 15:53:37 EST Back to the gym! Grief is no excuse to give up on myself! As I shared in my blogs last week, I recently had a miscarriage. For a few days, I felt like my heart would simply shatter. Beyond the physical pain that I was in (which required a shot and oral narcotics), I was simply exhausted. I spent the majority of 2 days in bed crying, sleeping, and hiding. I went to the ultra sound on Wednesday which showed that no surgery was needed. I had a recheck with my doctor yesterday, and was released back to activity. <BR> <BR> For the past week I have n... Tue, 14 Aug 2012 17:32:20 EST My body is healing... my heart is trying to heal It's been 4 days since I learned of my miscarriage. 4 days of shock, tears, grief, anger, and sadness. 4 days of physical pain, cramping, and fatigue. <BR> <BR> My body is healing. I continue to be more tired than usual, but the cramping and pain are subsiding. My heart, however, isn't healing quite as quickly. I suppose that is going to take some time. <BR> <BR> I have one healthy child. But I have been pregnant 4 times. I have 3 angel children that I've never held in my arms. 3 ... Thu, 9 Aug 2012 23:59:30 EST Shock and a broken heart This weekend I had awful, beyond-painful cramps. After a couple weeks of stress upon stress, my period started. But it came with terrible abdominal cramps and back pain so severe that it nearly brought me to my knees. <BR> <BR> Today I went to the Dr since the pain was so bad. I expected her to tell me I had another cyst. Or something along those lines. <BR> <BR> Instead I learned that I was having an early miscarriage. We aren't trying to have a baby. In fact, it's not even a good ... Mon, 6 Aug 2012 21:46:02 EST First weekend in 7 months of eating "Whatever"... Yesterday was my daughter's 4th birthday. She is the ONLY grandchild on both sides of the family and spoiled rotten! On Thursday night, my parents (who live across the street) returned from a 7 week trip. On Friday my mother in law, sister in law, Father in law, and his wife all came over to stay with us. That means feeding 6 extra adults during a weekend of celebration. HARD diet issue for me. <BR> <BR> Yesterday morning we had the traditional birthday part with lots of kids and friend... Sun, 29 Jul 2012 16:14:35 EST The difference that 6 months of GOOD decisions makes Yesterday my cell phone was having huge issues, and we had to go stop at Verizon and have my phone reset. They worked their magic, and reset my phone... and all it's settings. But they were able to save all my pictures on it. The man at the cell place told me how to back them up and recommended it. I did it as soon as we got home. I don't know about you, but there are a lot of pics on my cell phone that I want to save... it's a handy camera for those moments that sneak up on you and you ... Sat, 21 Jul 2012 12:05:21 EST Waiting for my mind to SEE the changes I've made Yesterday I broke down and went to buy some new pants. I have a dress code at work that is getting difficult for me to meet. The belt I bought a few weeks ago certainly kept me wearing those 26W's MUCH longer than I could have. But seriously... even with the belt they were looking (and feeling) ridiculous. <BR> <BR> Now... I have 1 pair of size 20 capri's that fit pretty well. But I picked them up at a yard sale for cheap, even tho they are a good brand. I figured that they weren't the ... Fri, 13 Jul 2012 13:46:39 EST Time to focus again I've been slacking a bit. It feels like I've been hit with one thing after another. First, several dental issues piled on top of each other, and a procedure that took me out of the gym for a couple weeks. Then an injury that needed to heal. Now a summer cold. <BR> <BR> My nutrition has remained pretty stable this whole time, but my workouts? They have been sporadic. And the weight loss reflects that. <BR> <BR> Time to step it up. I have 50# gone, but a long way to go. I still have... Tue, 10 Jul 2012 10:18:57 EST How to burn nearly 4,000 calories in a single day.... Install a patio. Yep. That'll do it! What an exhausting day we had yesterday! Hubby and I spent Friday hauling 25# bricks from the front to the back yard and put in a planting bed. That was pretty tiring (and burned a good 2,000 alone!) <BR> <BR> But yesterday we woke up early, and started on the patio. We had already removed the sod, but yesterday was about leveling, laying the layers down, and hauling 111 concrete pavers to the back yard (from where they were delivered in the front)... Sun, 1 Jul 2012 09:24:32 EST Taking a moment to tell myself .... "Well Done!" Today I had my monthly measurements with my trainer. And while they certainly showed progress from last month, I felt like it was time to take a "snapshot" of how far I've come. <BR> <BR> Since Jan 3, 2012, I have lost 5.5" from my waist, 12.5" from my hips, 4.25" from each upper arm, and 5.25" from each thigh. I have 2 more pounds until I reach 50# GONE! *****happy dance**** <BR> <BR> I still have a long way to go. But this proves I can do it. After a week and a half of dealing with m... Tue, 26 Jun 2012 21:01:52 EST I'm BACK! I'm actually feeling like myself again! Dental procedure was last Tuesday, with another on Wednesday. Was restricted from cardio until today (concern for blood clot). Hit the gym this morning and got in a full, solid 30 minutes on the Elliptical. I definitely felt the time off. But it was good to be back. <BR> <BR> It's also nice to be simply feeling better! I honestly didn't want to move last week... moving hurt. Sitting hurt. Everything hurt. But to be able to move my body, go to... Mon, 25 Jun 2012 21:20:48 EST First exercise in a week! My dental abscess seems to be improving a bit with the antibiotics, and the horrid sinus headache it has been causing is quite a bit better today. So after a busy morning at work, I came home and asked my daughter if she wanted to go to the park. She's 3, so of course she quickly agreed. <BR> <BR> We put on our bike helmets, and rode to the park about 2 blocks away (I rode, she hung out comfortably in the bike trailer). I played with her for a bit, and realized that my pain wasn't worse w... Thu, 14 Jun 2012 17:47:18 EST In a funk.... I have been dealing with some major dental issues this past week. When pain increased last week, I saw my dentist. It wasn't good news. One tooth needed a root canal, which was done the next day. Another tooth was/is badly abscessed. Problem is that it's already been root canaled, and he couldn't access it. He sent me to a specialist who I saw yesterday. Basically, there was a "hidden canal" in the tooth that got missed. They now have to re-do the root canal. However, it's so badly i... Wed, 13 Jun 2012 11:18:32 EST Finding a healthy medium at parties... feels good! Today was my daughter's preschool bbq... basically the last gathering of the year. Livy was thrilled to give her presents to her teachers, play with her friends, and especially to eat lunch with them. <BR> <BR> I had a root canal yesterday, so I am a little sore today. It makes eating a little more difficult since the veggie tray wasn't quite gonna work for me today (too hard and crunch = painful today). I decided moderation was the way to go today. I knew I couldn't get my jaw open enou... Fri, 8 Jun 2012 23:04:10 EST Mind over matter kind of day I did NOT want to work out today. I've been sore, with a 3-day long headache and achy hip. It was raining and cold all day. And I just had a good case of the "don't wannas". <BR> <BR> But I went. Set the elliptical to a harder mode, and went to it. My trainer spotted me and come in to ask me to meet with another of her clients and see about "lighting a fire" with her. That made me feel AWESOME! I love that she looks past the extra pounds on my body to see the journey I'm on, and what ... Mon, 4 Jun 2012 23:08:31 EST First race.... finished strong (with pics!) I ran my first race this morning. A 1 mile fun run. My trainer ran with me (does it GET any more supportive than that???). My husband and daughter were at the finish line to cheer me on. <BR> <BR> Less than a month ago, I started Couch 2 5k. I could only jog 30 seconds at a time... and that was a stretch! Today I was doing up to 2:10 intervals! <BR> <BR> I did my 1 mile in 18.36. Slow, but strong for me. In fact, that's 3 minutes off my normal time. My heart rate was up, but I ... Sat, 2 Jun 2012 13:59:07 EST Epiphany! Today I was driving to work, and noticed a house that was looking pretty sad. You know the type... the one house on the block with overgrown grass, weeds, peeling paint, and clutter around the house. Just looking neglected. <BR> <BR> Now, let me preface this by saying... I have OCD and am a bit of a perfectionist. Even my 3 year old knows that if you see a weed outside, you pull it. That you pick up your toys before you go to bed. That dishes have to be done after the meal. I like a cl... Thu, 31 May 2012 17:08:09 EST What everyone ELSE is doing.... That seems to be on my mind a lot lately. My dearest friend in this world has gone Vegan. Even further than that, she is following the Hallelujah diet, and eating mostly raw whole foods and juicing. She feels this is "the" way and wants me to start doing so as well. <BR> <BR> Another good friend is eating Paleo, and is convinced that this is the best way to eat IN THE WORLD. She's convinced that I would see faster weight loss if I did this. <BR> <BR> Another friend started with a vegeta... Tue, 29 May 2012 23:14:20 EST