JOLLIEBELL's SparkPeople Blog JOLLIEBELL's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community Under Pressure We moved. It was a tremendous project, but now it's done, and here we are. <BR> <BR> My mother has cancer. It's small and very aggresive, and she's starting chemo very soon. I can do nothing. I can't even travel to see her or hang with her or anything, thanks to the financial burden of moving. <BR> <BR> My brother in law is getting married in 2 weeks. I love his fiancee, and I'm so happy for them, but I'd promised myself I'd lose weight for the wedding, and I have not. I've gained. <BR> ... Mon, 7 Jun 2010 10:21:28 EST This Is A Call Out <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I don't believe me. <BR> <BR> I'm full of cheerful encouraging words. Full of ideas of how things are going to be different starting tomorrow morning. Full of promises and visions and knowledge. <BR> <BR> Nothing changes. <BR> <BR> I'm back up (and over) where I was weight-wise last Christmas, before I lost the last 10 pounds. Nothing changes. <BR> <BR> I'm eating meat again, though I don't want to be. I want... Sat, 17 Apr 2010 23:53:08 EST Resolve I haven't articulated my goals for the new year very well, but I did decide that starting January 1st, I would cut meat, dairy and sugar. Today is January 2nd, and I broke that streak with the mocha latte I had after dinner tonight: sugar and dairy. <BR> <BR> The part that makes this a true sin is that I totally knew that having that one mocha latte would break both streaks, two out of three, even. I knew it. I considered it. I did it anyway. <BR> <BR> So, here's the thing: I'm restating t... Sat, 2 Jan 2010 22:05:39 EST Step By Step I made the second step. Actually, I've made the third and fourth too, despite stumblings between steps two and three. <BR> <BR> That didn't make any sense, did it? No, it did not. See, I resolved this past week to get back on the wagon, made a plan, mapped it out on a calendar. Whatever I must to motivate myself for a short while. Then I got up on Thursday morning and went to the gym. Yay me! <BR> <BR> Then I skipped on Friday. Skipped Saturday, too. <BR> <BR> This weighed heavily on me... Mon, 14 Dec 2009 22:33:02 EST Once... Still working on that second step. <BR> <BR> Blaming my hormones more than my writing, which is something new and different. *snort* <BR> <BR> Someday, I swear it, if only to myself. Someday I'm going to do this right. Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:22:02 EST Two Step <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I did it. <BR> <BR> Let us all release our collective breath. <BR> <BR> Yes, indeed, I got up this morning, brushed my teeth and patted down my hair (as well as possible) and put on my shoes, grabbed my phone/ mp3 players & water and went to the fitness center. I didn't run, partly because I'm far too out of shape to jump right back into that, but also because there was another person there and I didn't want to *pu... Sun, 15 Nov 2009 10:05:15 EST Stranded Under Endless Sky <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I'm readying myself to workout in the morning. To be honest, I hate the anticipation, the preparation. I can set out my shoes and headphones, fill my water bottle and make sure the playlists on my phone are good to go, but I can't answer whether I will be. <BR> <BR> Mornings are my enemy. Well, no, okay, fine. * I * am my enemy. I am a late night person. Always have been, more than likely always will be. These late n... Sat, 14 Nov 2009 23:23:41 EST Fireflies <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I need a fresh start, the kind that feels like a palate cleansing of the soul. <BR> <BR> I've let myself get so far astray, under the blanket-excuse of this neverending story, that I hardly know myself anymore, and I think it's safe to say that my family barely recognizes me either. <BR> <BR> Everything's off course. The writing is everything, and that's not right. <BR> <BR> So I'm looking at tomorrow, thinking ab... Sat, 14 Nov 2009 01:23:49 EST Go Tell It On The Mountain This is less a blog and more of a bragging. I'm not even sure it's bragging. Hmm... <BR> <BR> It's just that yesterday when I stepped on the scale, the number read-out offered up a nice 164.2, and I don't have anyone that I can call to tell this who understands why that's so exciting. Not that I don't have people to tell; I even have people who understand what it's like with the whole up and down, who understand that a year ago I was excited about 175. However, at this point, while I'm doing... Thu, 25 Jun 2009 08:48:03 EST Today Though I don't believe anyone is checking this blog at this point, I want to leave an update on yesterday's post: <BR> <BR> My big boy had his appointment and the doctor declared him wonderfully healthy. His glucose levels are fine, as are iron and cholesterol, height and weight. Actually on that note, my giant eight year old gained thirteen pounds and FIVE INCHES in the last two years from his last check-up. I keep telling everyone that he never stops growing, but it sure is nice to see tha... Tue, 16 Jun 2009 17:10:55 EST Super Freak <img src=""> <BR> <BR> Maybe it's nothing. That's what we're hoping/ praying/ whistling in the dark for. <BR> <BR> Tomorrow I'm taking my older son -- eight years old, by the way -- for a check up and, hopefully, a blood test of some kind. I can't say what I expect to happen, because I just don't know, but my pesky mental alarms have been flashing and ringing for a couple of weeks over minor issues with this kid that are simply adding up t... Mon, 15 Jun 2009 11:49:11 EST Balance <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I have been MIA for the last-- oh, look at that -- three months. Three full months. <BR> <BR> This is noteworthy. <BR> <BR> Why is this noteworthy? Because I've been writing. Really, holy cow is that a lot of words and pages, writing. I'm putting this into a public blog at the risk of someone who matters seeing it, but I honestly don't think they will. <BR> <BR> I haven't written a book. But, as my awesome sister ... Sat, 30 May 2009 16:47:45 EST 10 a.m. Automatic <img src=""> <BR> <BR> This is only a quick note for a quick measure, as it's the beginning of the month, and I was curious how I fared by completely abandoning all pretense of exercise for the last four weeks. As it turns out, surprisingly well. <BR> <BR> Waist: 35 1/2 " <BR> Hips: 41 1/2 " <BR> <BR> How did I manage to lose more inches? This is an excellent question. *scratches head* One I have no idea about. I've been sitting at my com... Thu, 2 Apr 2009 11:18:58 EST Dancing Through Sunday <img src=""> <BR> <BR> I know it's been months since I've posted measurements, but I had an inkling that the time had come again to bite the bullet, wrap the tape measure around my squishy body and then subject the general population to the information gained. <BR> <BR> I was pleasantly surprised. Let me admit that right off. I don't know what my expectations were, but I suppose that "no change" was right up there, only nudged ahead of "s... Mon, 2 Mar 2009 09:19:34 EST Heavy <img src=""> <BR> <BR> As I mentioned in my last entry, I've been jogging a little. It's going well, and every day that I manage to work that run into my workout, I feel like calling everyone and spreading the news. Silly me. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was a little weird though. Firstly, I've been sleepy poorly. Not that this is any phenomenon, except that the lack of sleep has made me pretty miserable. As in - on the verge of tears over insigni... Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:42:01 EST Carry On My Wayward Son <img src=""> <BR> <BR> So, I've fallen off the wagon. Sort of. I've fallen off the no-caffeine-wagon. <BR> <BR> You see, I found myself a week or so ago turning to my husband and saying, "I can't remember why caffeine's a bad thing." And he *agreed*. It was the beginning of the end. <BR> <BR> With caffeine in my system, I stay awake through the afternoons (literally). I write (a lot). When we both have the caffeine flowing through our bo... Wed, 4 Feb 2009 21:41:03 EST So Pure I want to clear up my skin, really clear it up all the way. For that I am going to have to make several sacrifices and then follow through with some drastic measures. <BR> <BR> 1.Chocolate has to go. Completely go. No mocha, no chocolate chip cookies or hot cocoa or random brownies and candies. All chocolate. <BR> 2.I think I'm going to have to cut back on eggs quite a bit, at least for a while, a kind of cleansing. I don't know what effect eggs have, but I suspect it's a negative one. <BR>... Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:21:34 EST Walking in Circles I take a fair amount of pride in knowing that most endeavors that I put my hand to, I succeed surprisingly well. Scholasticly and creatively speaking, these things have always come easily for me. <BR> <BR> But just as I begin to feel a bit bloated on that pride, I suck it right back in, because if whatever I put my hand to isn't scholastic or creative, I fall flat on my face. Sure I can piece together a jointed doll and parse a sentence, mold veggies from clay and count to ten in several l... Tue, 30 Sep 2008 16:30:40 EST Made to Heal One week without caffeine. You heard me. A full week. <BR> <BR> I have made coffee in the morning-- decaf-- and we have had our usual Starbucks run, but both have been more about habit and comfort than the caffeine jolt. It's nice to sit down at my computer in the morning with a cup of coffee, sweetened with agave nectar, lightened with some Silk Creamer: comforting. <BR> <BR> But DH and I have both managed to not have caffeine at all. That feels huge to me somehow. I thought I would cheat... Mon, 8 Sep 2008 09:32:39 EST Everyone's a Junkie <BR> Last Tuesday, I woke to darkness. Like, Fay's in town and the sun is not kind of darkness. So I pulled the big coffee pot out of the cupboard (the 12 cup one), made up the whole pot and went about my day. My husband had his 2 cups but I missed my opportunity at breakfast time, so I stopped for a latte at Starbucks instead. Came home and looked at that nearly-full pot of perfectly good coffee and couldn't help but pour myself a mug. <BR> <BR> But as I was squeezing the agave nectar int... Sun, 31 Aug 2008 14:30:10 EST Open Wide this Window We have a sliding glass door. It's one of two portals to the outside world, this one leading to the balcony best known as Big Boy's Exhibit of Chalk Art. <BR> <BR> This door is noteworthy because, once in a while, it comes off the rail it slides on. It can be forced open in order to create a space wide enough to squeeze through, but it's an arduous task that should only be undertaken in dire need. Not to mention that the door is still broken, crooked and not functioning as intended. <BR> <... Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:40:46 EST This song has no name I had a blog all ready to go. I did. It was long and well written and insightful. Um. Then a finger slipped or something and it was gone. Without a trace. <BR> <BR> Give me a moment to collect my dignity before I try again. *sob* <BR> <BR> ****************************************<BR>**************************************<BR>******* <BR> I took fully 24 hours to get the blog laid back out again. The rewrite isn't as witty and colorful as the first draft-- par for the course for me -- but I t... Wed, 23 Jul 2008 14:29:37 EST The Times They Are A-Changing I love my family. This isn't an exaggeration or sarcasm or the kind of mantra you repeat to yourself in hopes that you start to believe it. I really do. <BR> <BR> We are really close. My sisters and brothers and parents. Somehow, when I became a grown-up, I discovered how incredible my mother is and our relationship has evolved into something intimate and wonderful, almost like the relationship I share with my sister. <BR> <BR> We are a family who loves our food. It is our reward, our brib... Thu, 10 Jul 2008 13:51:55 EST There She Goes Yes, yes, the day has come: <BR> <BR> (Booming announcer voice) MEASURING DAY! <BR> <BR> And the verdict? Anyone holding their breath, drumrolling on their desks with anticipation? <BR> <BR> I'm down. *sigh of relief* Just as BellaBraden so sweetly commented on my previous Blog O' Venting, it's frustrating to make all the right decisions and see all the wrong numbers. Measuring this morning was the salve for that. <BR> <BR> The Stats - <BR> <BR> Calf - 15" (no change) <BR> Thigh - 20.75"... Tue, 1 Jul 2008 14:11:29 EST Thief That evil, evil scale. <BR> <BR> Sunday is my weigh-in day, but, on a whim, I decided to step on the scale this morning... The durn needle swung like a monkey and then announced I'd gained two pounds. <BR> <BR> My reaction to this? <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> Yeah. <BR> <BR> Then a kind of funked out disbelief that I could log an incredible 650 minutes of cardio this week, be faithful with strength exercises and Pilates and yoga, keep my caloric intake within range six out of the last seve... Sat, 28 Jun 2008 22:30:59 EST Breathe So, there's no dramatic drum roll, and I'm not going to change my ticker. It's not that there's no change. It's just that it's not that simple. <BR> <BR> The needle swung. You know what I mean, don't you? When you step on the scale, and your weight makes the needle swing uuuuup and dooowwwn, and you hold your breath, all blood rushed from your face, maybe even a little panicked? <BR> <BR> It was a downward swing, which, in and of itself, is a good thing. It swung toward 175, tried to settl... Sun, 8 Jun 2008 08:00:57 EST So Help Me God Ok, so we're starting a trend. Or, at least, a trend within our small circle of friends & family: measuring! <BR> <BR> Actually, I measured before BellaBraden (thank you very much), but was too much of a chicken to post the results. BellaBraden, on the other hand, didn't believe she was being anything but practical posting her measurements in her blog. I think it's because of the two of us, she's the practical one. She -- very practically-- says that SparkPeople is a site for people both big... Tue, 3 Jun 2008 15:50:57 EST Let June... begin! I seem to have caught that elusive second motivational wind. I don't know if it's hormones (Lord knows mine are wacky), or finally meeting goals this month, maybe those ten days of pushing for calories while becoming more and more despairing. I don't know. Whatever the impetus, I'm gearing up again. <BR> <BR> Now, for those who know me, this motivation could last 24 to 36 hours. That's my average. But I'm planning for the month, week by week, day by day, hour by hour, meal by meal, exercise... Sat, 31 May 2008 22:10:07 EST How to cure a zombie I've been meaning to write, really I have. Even BellaBraden has been complaining about how long it's been. For a while I just felt as though I had nothing SparkPeople related to share. But lately, I feel as though I have things to share, but so much of it is still unsifted in my mind into nice, organized folders of eloquence. <BR> <BR> One matter which has worked itself out-- praise the Lord-- is my deal with iron. I've been told when my blood has been tested in years past that I'm on the l... Mon, 19 May 2008 17:17:56 EST Well... you see... hmm... that's interesting... I had the weirdest revelation today. And it seemed to come out of the blue, just.. LIGHTBULB!! <BR> <BR> I have a lot of trouble making healthy habits, especially ones that have to do with fitness. But-- I was stunned to realize-- I don't really have any habits. None. By this, I mean, I don't have a set practice or routine or schedule for pretty much anything. <BR> <BR> I wake up in the morning when the baby is good and ready, which is anytime between 7:15 and 9:00. Somedays I make a pot o... Sun, 20 Apr 2008 23:09:00 EST The Foot of the Mountain I hadn't realized that it had been so long since my last entry, and while it's awesome that my last entry was a mile marker of such a fabulous week... it kinda reeks that this one is about discouragement instead. <BR> <BR> I reset my ticker. I had to. I'm back at my starting weight. Two months after Christmas and I just gained back those 15 lbs like I was trying to. Which I wasn't. I just... stopped trying NOT to. <BR> <BR> And now? I'm making better choices dietarily. I'm trying to get ba... Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:01:36 EST A Very Good Week One good day, then another, then another until I find myself at day seven, glowing. <BR> <BR> I worked out six out of the last seven days, pushing myself, sweating, getting the heart rate actually *up* and I feel just so proud of myself. Even this morning as I was walking back to the car, I could feel a little sway in my hips-- that long forgotten feeling that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. Yes, even me! <BR> <BR> I kept my calories each day on the low end of my range, paying atten... Sat, 1 Dec 2007 19:49:10 EST A Good Day Such a thing seems elusive these days, especially with so much on my plate, vying for my attention. But today I went to the fitness center and pushed myself. I know that I need to do more, but right now, these carefully chosen hours are precious. Homeschooling went well, and I folded something like seven loads of laundry (which I hate to do, so it's a monumental feat). And I ate conscientiously. All day. Even at this moment, I'm having an orange to boost my fiber intake without jacking my cal... Mon, 26 Nov 2007 22:26:01 EST The Hard Climb Usually, my nutrition is excellent and my dietary goals are excellent and I have a nice handle on that aspect but am striving frantically for consistent activity. Lately though, even my diet is pitiful. I'm not sure if it's a combination of factors I can only guess at, or weak excuses or a general feeling of giving up, but there's a lot more chips and (soy) ice cream then is really beneficial to anyone, let alone someone with my sedentary tendencies and squishy waistline. <BR> <BR> Even tod... Wed, 26 Sep 2007 20:28:46 EST Almost on my way Yesterday, I felt as though I pushed a reset button on the rotten day before. My coffee was untarnished and I finally got that big walk I wanted so badly to take with my boys. It was a beautiful day, and my children were delightful and my DH was a joy, and all was well... until late night. <BR> <BR> I'm a late night snacker. It's truth. There's no escaping it. I can have a good (eating) day, be within calories, et al, and then be overcome with a pressing need to eat the bag of chocolate chip... Mon, 24 Sep 2007 11:09:20 EST A No Good, Very Bad Day It's all about perspective, I know. And while my inner bear is growling marvelously, my inner peacekeeper is saying very gently, "my family is safe, healthy, beautiful. There were no crises today, no minor accidents, not even any fender benders, metaphorical or otherwise." But sometimes perspective doesn't assuage the crankiness. <BR> <BR> I haven't been getting enough sleep... for at least the last .. let's see, 12 months plus 9 months plus childhood insomnia divided by naps galore is... we... Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:03:49 EST Name this song... Inspired by BellaBraden's blog "smaller pants." <BR> <BR> Thanks to two babies, two c-sections, 40 extra pounds and an adoration of food, I carry a spare tire around my waist. This makes shopping for pants a pain in the patootie, because my hips, thighs and height make me a size 12... except in the waist, where I'm a size 14. Bah. <BR> <BR> I have a couple pairs of size 12 pants and are designed to fit "under the waist" which has worked out awesomely for me... sort of. In recent weeks, I b... Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:37:34 EST Wait a minute... I think this one's a Beatles' song! I'm off track. Definitely for the weekend, slowly veering through last week. I'm looking at tomorrow morning with a kind of sunny relief that there's new day to try again, but the afternoon and evening are kind of a haze, and I admit more trepidation about staying on track as the day wears on and my kids needs and routine takes over and I start scavenging for comfort food, quick, easy, convenient, whatever it is. <BR> <BR> Evening eating is a particular weakness of mine, one I am well aware ... Mon, 9 Jul 2007 00:06:39 EST Isn't that a Beastie Boys' song? I have been making such great headway this spring. I've been on a real roll with my diet and have even been making real strides toward consistent exercise. I even managed to lose a few pounds and get to my pre-baby No. 2 weight. Still overweight, but a milestone, certainly! <BR> <BR> But as soon as I start to feel really confident, it feels as though I stop dead in my tracks and refuse to continue doing well. In the beginning of June, I managed to add a brief yoga practice to my routine ever... Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:20:10 EST Dietary Milestone Some weeks ago, I acknowledged that I believed my compulsion toward being vegetarian was a spiritual conviction, though one that I couldn't understand fully. So I prayed about it. I prayed for understanding, for clarity, to know why the Lord had put this uncommon personal conviction up on me. And I received an answer: <BR> <BR> Just do it. <BR> <BR> A spiritual nudge is so much like directions from a parent. When I tell my son to do something, it's because I know what's best for him. He doe... Wed, 2 May 2007 20:58:48 EST Frustrated I'm really down on myself this morning, and yet it's a pointless, useless frustration. <BR> <BR> I want to run, want to be a runner. There are awesome resources both on SP and elsewhere that make this a possibility, even for a newbie like myself. The problem, as it turns out, is me. <BR> <BR> If I'm going to run, *I have to run!* Yet, I can't seem to get out of my seat. <BR> <BR> In the evenings, I'm gung-ho, enthusiastic for morning, when I have worked out with my husband to get to the ... Tue, 27 Feb 2007 09:18:41 EST More Thoughts on Goals Health - Lower Cholesterol, despite genetic propensity. <BR> <BR> Diet - Strict Vegetarian Diet, heavy on whole foods & Produce. <BR> <BR> Fitness - Consistency. Cardio, Strength, Flexibility, Core. <BR> <BR> Spirituality - Consistency. Daily Bible reading, prayer, journalling <BR> <BR> Physical Appearance - 32" waist, firm belly, slim face. <BR> <BR> It's interesting. I can see-- now that I have a few of these goals laid out-- how I can begin to lay out a game plan. For instance, lower... Wed, 14 Feb 2007 09:56:37 EST Thinking about Goals Physical Appearance - 32 inch waist <BR> <BR> Diet <BR> Fitness <BR> Spirituality <BR> Health <BR> <BR> ************* <BR> <BR> As I thought about this idea of goals more since yesterday, it occurred to me that I do have a goal as far as my diet is concerned: Long term- I want to have a vegetarian diet. I'm unsure what it is now that is holding me back from cutting milk/ diary/ eggs, but having this large goal in front of me will hopefully help me to begin setting up smaller objectives tow... Tue, 12 Dec 2006 13:51:54 EST Goals What are my goals? Do I even know? Is it anything I've thought over and tried to map for myself? Would having that map give me the direction I've been missing? <BR> <BR> Health <BR> <BR> Diet <BR> <BR> Fitness <BR> <BR> Spirituality <BR> <BR> Physical Appearance <BR> <BR> I need to think on this, now that it's in my mind... <BR> ************* <BR> I would like to add the goal of a waist measurement of 32 inches. It's a big loss from where I'm at now, and even then, 32 inches isn't reall... Mon, 11 Dec 2006 23:57:43 EST