JESSIMACUH's SparkPeople Blog JESSIMACUH's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community The Wrong Way to Grow Personal growth is so important to me. Why, then, would I be so unhappy to grow? <BR> <BR> The thing is, I didn't want my waistline to expand. <BR> <BR> "This is the heaviest I've ever been. I never want to weigh more than I do now." I can't even recall how many times I've said so to myself—perhaps even making some progress afterwards—only to find myself steadily growing in the weeks and months afterwards. <BR> <BR> It's like I'm an addict. I'm addicted to food, and I'll never not be addi... Thu, 2 Mar 2017 23:57:57 EST Seriously, F#@& 2012. On to a Happier 2013! This year was a doozy. <BR> <BR> Frustration with old job. New job. FIRED from new job. Unemployment. Major depressive episode. First ever antidepressant prescription. Frantic job search. Hurricane Sandy. Suffocating debt... <BR> <BR> I did not take care of myself this year. I was not kind to myself. I didn't see the point of living, much less of fitness and proper nutrition. <BR> <BR> After my doctor prescribed something to ease the anxiety and depression, I was able to see clearly enough... Fri, 28 Dec 2012 02:34:59 EST On Being Spread Too Thin Back in January I was making good progress in regular exercise. However, when I decided to tackle a full-time college schedule in between my full-time job, exercise was the first thing to go. Aside from (rarely) talking a leisurely walk, I cannot say I've really exercised since January. <BR> <BR> I took the summer off from school and am still undecided about returning in the fall. In the meantime, today marks the first day I will resume serious exercise. I will also continue my virtual walk ... Sun, 24 Jul 2011 14:53:29 EST Saturday 5k, Sunday Playlist, And Other Thoughts on Planning While shuffling through my music on the treadmill today, I decided to commit to making a new exercise playlist for the coming week every Sunday. I also determined that Sunday will be my "off" day--no work, class or exercise--so that my mind and body can recover. I think it will be a great day for planning the music and the menu for the upcoming week to help me stay on track. Sunday will be my day to relax and primp to ensure I still look good (despite potential school-induced exhaustion!) and... Fri, 28 Jan 2011 23:17:34 EST Challenges & Rewards: A Gameplan Lately, I've been very focused on small weight-loss goals. I keep aiming to lose just 5 or 10 lbs. to start, knowing that I want to ultimately lose a lot more. While I find great comfort in knowing that all the little bits of weight loss will add up to my ultimate goal, I also find it easy to fall off track. I end up losing and re-gaining the same few lbs. At one point, I was down TWENTY lbs. from my all-time high of 250. But a combination of the holidays and not trying left me at 243+ recent... Sun, 23 Jan 2011 21:08:33 EST A Better Day Today was a drastic improvement compared to yesterday! I tracked my food and water intake on SparkPeople, which is something I hate doing because I ALWAYS overeat. It's amazing how much writing it down can persuade me to stay within my calorie range and make healthier choices. I drank enough water, did not go for seconds, and ate ONE carefully chosen cookie. <BR> <BR> I forced myself to finish up some errands at the mall, then walked the perimeter which is about a mile. I came home and still... Mon, 17 Jan 2011 23:36:57 EST Overeating & Exercising Anyway I overate today. Big time. There was a Jets play-off party at my house today, and I got quite carried away with the goodies and even had two (light) beers. Rather than beating myself up completely for my poor choices today, I'm going to reflect on all of the good things I DID do that I may not have done in the past: <BR> <BR> - I drank plenty of water (even though I had a little soda, too) <BR> - I had salad with my dinner (instead of skipping the salad for more room for crap) <BR> - I didn'... Sun, 16 Jan 2011 23:58:37 EST Exercise Always Cheers Me Up I'm in such a good mood tonight after hitting the treadmill for a bit that I plan on doing a little more exercise before calling it a night. <BR> <BR> I attempted Day One of the Couch to 5K program tonight and was not able to complete the full cycle. I did, however, walk/jog for 25 minutes and a total of 1.3 miles. It felt good! <BR> <BR> And now for "October's Lost Miles" Montreal Virtual Walk update... <BR> <BR> Sunday, October 17: An extra half mile after update <BR> Monday, October 18... Sun, 9 Jan 2011 22:45:45 EST So Tired of Re-Starts: Turing 25 I haven't formally exercised since late October. Over two months ago! I would say it's hard to believe, only... it's actually quite evident by my appearance. I'm up about 10 pounds, meaning I've gained back roughly HALF of the weight I lost since my high of 250. I've been weighing in at the upper 230s to low 240s. Two-hundred-forty. That's a number I vowed to never see again. And yet, today I stepped on the scale and saw 242. <BR> <BR> I've been guilty of binging at times and letting my eati... Thu, 6 Jan 2011 21:19:45 EST On Consistency, Pace & Periods I haven't been updating my SparkPeople blog, but I've been making health and fitness strides, anyway. <BR> <BR> Last week I was feeling a bit blue and only exercised on Friday, briefly. However, the week before, I had a 5-day exercise streak. I felt so proud and accomplished! I'm aiming for 5 or 6 days this week as well, simply opting for shorter or less-challenging options on days I don't feel like it. <BR> <BR> Today, despite it being my least favorite time of the month, I hit the treadmi... Sun, 17 Oct 2010 19:49:48 EST Quick Virtual Walk Update <em>636</em> <BR> Virtual Walk Update <BR> Miles today: 0.8 <BR> Miles total: 27.3 <BR> Miles to Montreal: 385 <BR> Miles to Go: 357.7 Mon, 16 Aug 2010 21:47:45 EST Epic Walks Yesterday I walked up and down the beach with my mom--along the water--on a gorgeous, sunny day. We estimated our stroll was about a mile but I'm not counting it really due to its leisurely pace. Still, it was lovely! <BR> <BR> Tonight, I had a different kind of walking success--I walked 3.85 miles on the treadmill! That's definitely my longest distance in recent memory, and I did it in an hour an 15 minutes, meaning I was averaging a 20 minute mile. Not bad for a chubby chick! <BR> <BR> ... Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:34:37 EST Time Goes By So Quickly! Last week I did back-to-back Zumba at the gym and it felt great! But other than that, I haven't exercised in over three weeks according to my SparkPeople blog--which I update dutifully. It's amazing how quickly time passes when I'm NOT exercising, while three days of activity feel like forever. I do enjoy it, though, and feel better when I do work out. After feeling kind of sick all week and sleeping TONS, I really had to force myself to get some walking/jogging in today. Sadly, a spider on m... Sat, 7 Aug 2010 22:27:40 EST Another Two Miles Today I'm very proud of myself that I've been able to average more than a mile on each walk lately. Even at a somewhat leisurely-feeling pace, I did two 21-minute miles today. The other day, I was able to bust out 17-minute miles! This feels like a huge improvement over my former 30-minute miles, and I can feel myself getting healthier, fitter, and stronger! <BR> <BR> <em>636</em> <BR> Virtual Walk Update <BR> Miles today: 2.1 <BR> Miles total: 21.35 <BR> Miles to Montreal: 385 <BR> Miles to Go:... Thu, 15 Jul 2010 00:23:39 EST Pricing Out Montreal & Virtual Walk Update I've got two exciting trips in the works: Rochester, NY for Labor Day Weekend to visit a friend and Montreal, QC in March for my 25th birthday. I've been hovering at around 234 pounds for a while now, and I desperately want to hit 232 and ultimately under 230 before I travel upstate. And as for my birthday trip--I want to look HOT. <BR> <BR> <em>346</em> <BR> <BR> As I crunch the numbers lately and realize that Montreal in March will be totally feasible, I realize I only have 8 more month... Mon, 12 Jul 2010 22:43:58 EST Another Quickie: Virtual Walk Update & Thoughts on the Gym For a few weeks now, I've been planning on signing up for a gym membership by this weekend. I worked out my budget very carefully to prove that I could afford it, and had all these thoughts in my head about going more often would equal a cheaper rate per session. Ultimately, today, I decided that the treadmill in my basement and exercise videos I've been using have been serving me well, and that my own consistency in using them is what's hurting me. So, instead, I'm hanging my fancy gym membe... Sun, 11 Jul 2010 17:34:08 EST Quick Virtual Walk Update <em>636</em> <BR> Virtual Walk Update <BR> Miles today: 3.3 <BR> Miles total: 16 <BR> Miles to Montreal: 385 <BR> Miles to Go: 369 Sat, 10 Jul 2010 17:17:05 EST Latest Goal: Building Consistency Today I joined the Spark Challenge to exercise at least 10 minutes a day. I think this challenge will be especially useful to me because even as I may find myself too tired or pressed for time to complete my other personal challenges (as my pattern has been lately), I can still sneak in 10 minutes and feel good about that progress. I'm hoping that completing this challenge will be a very positive step in making fitness a part of my life! <BR> <BR> <em>636</em> <BR> Virtual Walk Update <BR>... Sun, 27 Jun 2010 21:47:58 EST Thunderstorms are good workout weather I was in the middle of Level 1 of Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred when it started POURING here. The lightning crashing and rolling thunder got me kinda pumped, and helped me get through an otherwise sluggish attempt. That was fun. <BR> <BR> Before doing Level 1 of the Shred, I walked the perimeter of the mall with my sister and dad, which is about a mile. While it was a nice bit of activity, I'm not officially tracking it because it was rather leisurely. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, I walked two mil... Tue, 22 Jun 2010 23:24:47 EST I set foot in an actual gym... ...and it wasn't horrifyingly embarrassing! <BR> <BR> Granted, I went there with people I know. But to be honest, I've always been too afraid to go to a gym, for fear of seeming out of place. I was surprised how much I didn't care about that once I was exercising. Unfortunately, the Zumba class that tempted me there was canceled for the evening, but I ended up on the treadmill and stationary bike instead and feel so energized I'm planning on tackling Level One of the JM Shred now that I'm ho... Thu, 17 Jun 2010 20:27:28 EST That's two days in a row Yesterday I did Level 1 of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and today I walked roughly three miles (granted, this took about an hour and a half). I'm proud of myself for exercising two days in a row as it's the beginning of a good streak. Now if only I could cut down on the snacking a bit more and drink enough water... Tomorrow's a new day. <BR> <BR> <em>636</em> <BR> Virtual Walk Update <BR> Miles today: 3 <BR> Miles total: 6.9 <BR> Miles to Montreal: 385 <BR> Miles to Go: 378.1 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 21:49:29 EST On Making Better Choices, More Consistently For a while this spring, I had brief stretches of healthy living that felt really good. I was drinking enough water daily, exercising often, and making sensible diet choices without overeating. However, when my "good" streak began to sputter out I let poor choices take over, and before I knew it, I was feeling sorry for myself again and not focusing on my overall health or weight loss. Yesterday was absurd. I ate an out-of-control amount of pasta and then had Wendy's with my sister although I... Sun, 6 Jun 2010 16:55:10 EST Shred Continues Yesterday I was cleaning the basement. Because of the physically strenuous nature of the task, I gave myself a pass on my 30-Day Shred and considered it a rest day. <BR> <BR> Tonight however, after MORE laborious housework, I completed what I'm calling Day Three of Level 1. In total, it is the fifth time I've done the workout and I'm already proud of the results I'm seeing. And by that, I mean I'm proud of my increased ability to do the routine. I can feel that my body's tighter although the... Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:59:42 EST Weekly Weigh-in and My Thoughts on Priorities I'm proud to report that I weighed in at 235.2 today (-0.8lb.) despite having a very emotional week with plenty of poor diet choices. However, I do know that if my weight loss wasn't in the back of my mind, my emotional eating could've been worse. <BR> <BR> Last I wrote, I mentioned that exercise was my top priority. Unfortunately, that wasn't truly the case this past week as my dad was (once again) hospitalized and the result to my schedule was chaos. While he'll be in the hospital for at l... Sun, 25 Apr 2010 14:28:56 EST On Falling "Off the Wagon" Here's a great SparkPeople blog entry: <BR> <link><BR>urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=3028748 </link> <BR> <BR> <em>189</em> Fri, 23 Apr 2010 20:12:15 EST Take Two: 30-Day Shred PLUS New Walk Challenge Last week after only two days on the 30-Day Shred, life began to get in the way of my workouts. Exhausted and pressed for time, I decided to skip a day. One day turned into several, and the next thing I know I'm off my little exercise wagon. I only made it two days! <BR> <BR> But, in my usual fashion, I've opted to forgive myself and start fresh. Luckily after less than a week this time. <BR> <BR> <em>224</em> <BR> <BR> This evening after I post this very writing, I'm going to do the Jil... Sun, 18 Apr 2010 23:22:53 EST Day Two: 30-Day Shred Struggled with the push-ups in Jillian's Level 1 30 Day Shred workout. My arms were still sore from yesterday once I tried to use them! Other than that, I felt an improvement in how I handled the workout. <BR> <BR> After a break, I did a half mile walk on the treadmill again--tonight it only took 14 mins. If it wasn't already so late, I could've done more. However, since I've never stuck to exercise before, I'm content with taking small steps like this if I can do them frequently! <BR> <BR>... Mon, 12 Apr 2010 23:56:00 EST Day One: 30-Day Shred I just finished my first Level 1 workout, and followed it up with a 15 minute walk on the treadmill (0.5 mile). I'm honestly amazed at how great I feel--I was more tired BEFORE exercising. I need to remind myself of this next time I give myself the ol' "too tired" excuse. <BR> <BR> Level 1 was harder for me than I expected--I had to take some momentary breaks. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that I'm so out of shape, considering I've never stuck to working out for too long and I'm considera... Sun, 11 Apr 2010 15:46:49 EST Starting a 30-Day Shred I know that I won't reach my goals without adding a significant amount of exercise to my currently sedentary lifestyle. After browsing around on Spark, the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred program caught my eye. The video has three levels; Jillian says if you do each one for 10 days straight, you can lose up to 20 pounds. In the forums here many people have created variations on that initial plan incorporating some of Jillian's other workouts. I haven't yet decided if I'll just do levels 1, 2 an... Sun, 11 Apr 2010 10:40:10 EST Wasting Precious Weight-Loss Time! I was unemployed for a little over a year, during which time I didn't manage to lose any weight. (Well, I lost nearly 10 pounds but gained it back.) I'm weighing in just shy of 240 these days, only ten pounds below my dreaded Max Weight. My goal is to weigh in at 180, but I have a preliminary goal of losing 30 (of 60) pounds. I can do it! I just need to start trying. <BR> <BR> I forgive myself. I'm big on that lately. I forgive myself for not doing what I needed to do to get healthy despite ... Mon, 5 Apr 2010 21:49:21 EST Lunch-time walks could really help me out I decided to take a walk today during my lunch break, to enjoy the nice weather. I walked around outside with my iPod for about 20 mins. It really perked me up for the rest of the afternoon, so I think I may make it a habit on nice days. <BR> <BR> This evening, my mom, sister and I walked around the neighborhood for a half hour. It's hard to believe that I've exercised three days in a row -- and today, for 50 mins. in total! Granted, it's not vigorous at this point, but I'm confident that I'... Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:23:30 EST Day Two's a success <em>194</em> <BR> <BR> Today was even easier than yesterday. I skipped on the miniature chocolates this evening in favor of some deliciously ripe strawberries, and ate a reasonable portion of leftover egg noodles and gravy instead of denying myself the treat and binging later. (I trusted that my body needed some carbs after a fruit-and-veggie rich day.) <BR> <BR> All in all, I am very proud of the changes I've made so far. I think by being realistic in my goals, I've set myself up for suc... Tue, 16 Sep 2008 23:02:38 EST Exercise is... fun? My day went rather well, diet-wise. I did indulge in some miniature Hershey's Mr. Goodbars, but hey, first day on the wagon! <BR> <BR> I found myself feeling hyped up and full of energy (perhaps because of good nutrition and a fairly decent amount of sleep last night), and I had a novel idea -- I thought I should go for a run. <BR> <BR> Mind you, in my half-hour on the treadmill, I only squeaked out one mile (hardly a marathoner's pace), but it felt incredible to break a sweat and burn some... Mon, 15 Sep 2008 23:49:21 EST Okay, for REAL this time <em>9</em> <BR> <BR> Recently, I reached a new personal record. I weighed in at a whopping 250 lbs., which is a lifetime high for me despite my fluctuations over the years. Following my tremendous weight gain since graduating college a little over a year ago, I've also noticed the appearance of many stretch marks on my sides and on my stomach. Depressing as all this may sound, I'm actually quite proud of myself. <BR> <BR> Allow me to explain: A little under a month ago, I broke up with my... Mon, 15 Sep 2008 10:00:50 EST Starting a-new <em>39</em> I've been feeling a bit blue since my contract ended at my former job, and have not been spending my unemployment wisely. Instead of actively looking for a job or actively exercising and losing weight, I've been sort of wallowing around the house -- for nearly a month! <BR> <BR> Well, no more! I told myself that this week would be different, and so far, so good. On Friday since the 4th was a bit of a wash I hit the gym and the pool, and it felt great! The weekend came and went ... Tue, 8 Jul 2008 17:49:05 EST My nighttime weakness <em>15</em> <BR> <BR> I have a really hard time behaving myself in the evenings. Yesterday I brought lunch, ate well, had a healthy snack while I prepped dinner... but here's the thing, I ate twice as much dinner as I should have, and had about three "healthy" desserts. Plus, I found myself too tired to exercise and instead fell asleep on the couch after watching no less than two hours of television -- I never used to even watch TV. <BR> <BR> Today started off promising. I once again pack... Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:30:35 EST Monday's off to a good start <em>52</em> <BR> <BR> Well, the weekend was hard. I made many good choices, but also over-ate. I recognize that carbs are my ultimate weakness and need to resolve to eat my veggies before the good stuff so that I fill up on the healthier elements of my meal. <BR> <BR> On the bright side, I packed lunch for work today which, for me, means that I'm eating healthy -- I don't know why, but I'll never pack an unhealthy lunch, even though I make horrible choices when left to my own devices midd... Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:01:19 EST Weight Loss Simulator I noticed some SparkPeople users were displayed what appeared to be images from a virtual weight loss simulation, so I Googled it. Sure enough, Prevention magazine has a feature called My Virtual Model. I was able to create a model of myself, and a model of myself after losing 55 lbs. -- pretty neat. <BR> <BR> This feature is also a fascinating marketing choice, because your online simulation can try on different bathing suits -- which, naturally, include prices and other info, in case you s... Fri, 25 Apr 2008 16:50:12 EST April's over already? <em>40</em> <BR> <BR> Well, maybe things always get worse before they get better. I haven't had much success on my diet, and though I haven't lately braved the bathroom scale, I fear I am even bigger than before. <BR> <BR> Yesterday, when out and about for a lunchtime walk with a friend, I waved off a street-corner flier-jockey, with a "No, thanks" only to get a sarcastic "Have a good day, stay fit!" in return -- ouch. I didn't say anything, but it internally killed me for the rest of th... Fri, 25 Apr 2008 15:49:25 EST I'll give it a go Today is my first day on Though I signed up perhaps a week ago, I did not attempt to explore the site or put ideas to practice until now. <BR> <BR> My previous attempts at weight loss have completely failed and I've gained weight continually throughout my entire life: 135 in junior high, 180s by junior year of high school, 190s in early college, 200s by graduation. I sit here today at 230 pounds amazed at my own fatness. My clothes are feeling tight. I'm trying to suck in my... Wed, 2 Jan 2008 15:06:12 EST