JESSERMOVICK's SparkPeople Blog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal.asp?id=JESSERMOVICK JESSERMOVICK's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community SparkPeople.com http://assets2.sparkpeople.com/assets/nav/logo_spark.gif http://www.sparkpeople.com/ Day 223- The 2 week update http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5541801 Another 2 weeks has gone by. I have spent much of my time eating it away, or sleeping it away. The lack of job has really gotten to me lately. I have been forcing myself to shower daily and I am trying very hard not to sneak out and buy a pack of cigarettes. It is not that I need them, I just want them. As a comfort- like cheese, and mashed potatoes, and toast with butter. I've been to the doctor another time since last I sparked. I had put on another 10 pounds. So, I am right back to where I... Fri, 15 Nov 2013 09:57:11 EST Day 209 -fed up with myself http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5529263 I know I am supposed to love myself, because no one else will do that for me. But, I have just had enough of me for a while. I have found that my subconscious is a sneaky, backstabbing, evil thing. In trying to gain control of my eating again, I found myself buying food for "desserts" for every night this last pay period. Why? We never had desserts before and we got by just fine. Because I wanted them. I have been struggling with portion control and snacking since I was a child, so the subcon... Fri, 1 Nov 2013 12:44:41 EST 206 - I remembered to do SparkBlog http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5526331 This week has been incredibly busy. I managed to finish the SQL reading materials (I use the words 'reading materials' loosely because there was no recommended reading material for the rinky dink exam I was preparing to take, so I had to improvise). <BR> <BR> The husband recommended that I just skip the starter exam and jump right into the MCSA-SQL exams, but I just did not feel comfortable-the materials seemed way out of my league. As always, the husband went out of his way to help me alo... Tue, 29 Oct 2013 09:29:11 EST Day 199 - Caught Smoking (It was bound to happen) http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5520302 So, I've been doing this on and off smoking thing the past week. I will go for a few days without smoking, the husband will do or say something that makes me feel stressed, and I will go get a pack of cigarettes. The daughter has even been keeping my little secret, where as when daddy started smoking again, she was all over tattling on him. That was the first thing she reported to me when she would come home from outings with him. (And if he "flirted" with any women, which means talked to any... Tue, 22 Oct 2013 11:43:01 EST Day 195 - To the kitchen! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5516978 I was doing my whole "I'm hungry", open fridge, nothing there worth eating (worth eating = worth spending time preparing), and returning to what I was doing, repeating every thirty minutes or so. <BR> <BR> It got so annoying to me that I began cleaning out the fridge. Forcing myself to peek into those containers with puffed up lids-even the ones that were leaking a little. I managed to do it, and the result was a total loss of appetite! Once the fridge was cleared of excess containers, it w... Fri, 18 Oct 2013 12:40:35 EST Day 192 -general update. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5514288 I have been to and from the doctor now, more than one occasion this past week. That seems to be the place to start. <BR> <BR> My swelling had not gone down, I had put on 3 pounds since my visit less than a month ago. Now, I am completely vegetarian at this point and have been for over 3 months, so this weight gain is terribly upsetting. <BR> <BR> The doctor takes one look at my legs, presses on them and says, there is your weight gain. Yes, my legs were swollen...still. the diuretics were n... Tue, 15 Oct 2013 13:13:29 EST Day 185- Obstacles in a single income family http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5507993 It has been 5 days since my last post. Forgive me, sparkers, for I have ...well, done nothing for myself. Nothing to promote a healthier ME. <BR> <BR> We have been on hard times since we moved to be closer to the husband's job. I have not found a job in 10 months now. We have sacrificed so much to stay together AND be able to raise our daughter that, yes, I cry myself to sleep at night. <BR> <BR> The house remains infested with termites, that is to say, the land people have not done anythi... Tue, 8 Oct 2013 13:00:44 EST Day 180 - A day in the life of a chub http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5503431 My posts are getting closer together! OH! so exciting. I may be coming back more than just sporadically! This week has been funcational. (Fun and educational). <BR> <BR> I called time of death on the rock candy yesterday. They were not as big as I wanted, but they did set up this time. The first run was 2c of sugar for every cup of water, and it did not work. The second was 3c per cup of water, and it worked a little. The third was 3c of sugar per cup of water and I brought them to a boil f... Thu, 3 Oct 2013 11:45:09 EST Day 174- Superwoman has landed http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5497924 Yep, that's me! At least it feels like me. I have not smoked in over a week now. I have also been scouting for new recipes to replace most of the current vegetarian ones that I have. <BR> <BR> Now, all of this new recipe stuff has come about because we have found ourselves in a bit of a rut with me cooking noodle based foods to please the family. Meanwhile, my weight is not going down. So, I mentioned it to my doctor at the last visit and she gave me a printout of Bhavna's website, so that I... Fri, 27 Sep 2013 16:04:39 EST Day 168 -Migraines http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5492051 I have been hiding from the sparkpeople site. Partly out of being ashamed of my lack of weight loss, partly, out of frustration that I spend time on the site and still have not found a job. Time spent here could be spent looking for a job. ANY JOB! But, as it turns out, I spend the spark people time doing.. *drumroll* Nothing. Not "nothing constructive", just absolutely NOTHING. <BR> <BR> Jobless for 9 months now. Depression in full swing. I am taking the chantix to quit smoking. They give ... Sat, 21 Sep 2013 15:45:04 EST Day 158 - Another visit to the doctor http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5482766 Doctor yesterday. It went well enough I guess. 2 hours in there and at the lab getting blood drawn. 200+$ in prescriptions WITH insurance. DH complained about how expensive I was. I agreed. You can't tell how expensive I am at least. I mean, I don't own big gawdy bling jewelry to shout "I AM EXPENSIVE" to the world. (or any jewelry because nothing fits my sausage fingers or fat neck and wrists.) <BR> <BR> I cleaned one room in the house today. If you can call it clean. The floors are picked ... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 13:33:53 EST Day 155 - Survival http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5480097 I am still kicking. Barely. Survived a visit from my mother, again. I was oh so hoping her visits would be less frequent than they are, but such is my lot in life. I did not eat at their place, although they really wanted me to, offered me fried chicken on the first day and cookout meats on the second. Wanted to take me to a barbeque place on the last day. -Vegetarian... <BR> <BR> So, I let the daughter enjoy the meat eating and did not eat any of those things. I am still up ten pounds from ... Mon, 9 Sep 2013 00:40:47 EST Day 145 -Dreading the weekend http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5469914 With both the husband and daughter away at their work and school, I am spending hours each day putting the house back together. It really is a raw deal. I spend the entire day cleaning the house, they come home and spend 3-4 hours destroying it again. I can just finish dishes and they come through the door, and I will have a sink overflowing, between dinner and their lunch dishes brought home. <BR> <BR> I am very much dreading the weekend. If they can destroy a home in just a few short hour... Thu, 29 Aug 2013 12:35:06 EST Day 139- guess I'll step on the scale http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5464060 Yeah, I didn't want to. But, 3 pounds down from my spark people weigh in like 3 months ago. <BR> <BR> Guess I am getting back on the wagon again. <BR> <BR> Suppose I should recap the past week. Echo was done. Results will be "discussed at next visit", but heart is pumping fine. 10 years in healthcare says: There are some issues but nothing life threatening and they can be discussed in a couple weeks. (like the horrible cholesterol) <BR> <BR> Had a second visit to the Psychologist. Guess it... Fri, 23 Aug 2013 12:54:48 EST Day 132 - here come the tears. http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5457156 That is what I get for not just ignoring everything the DH sends to me in regard to weight loss. He is on a kick now, where he thinks it is helpful to send me photos/success stories of women that have lost tons of weight. Hoping that I will take their steps to success and follow them, lose weight, and be physically attractive... <BR> <BR> I am so glad he is helping. really. Maybe if I started sending him photos and success stories of penis enlargement surgeries he would stop sending me these... Fri, 16 Aug 2013 11:58:01 EST Day 131- Teaching Daughter terrible things http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5456045 We had a good day. The daughter and I. She had to do her eye exam, and DH wanted us to go out and pay the small bills while we were out and about. Fine. No problem. Since I LOVE getting out of the house. <BR> <BR> All went well enough, she pulled her "I'm STARVING TO DEATH" after the eye exam, so I had to get her something to get her tummy in check. Then to the bills! Yep, you guessed it! I got the stares of "OMG They have clothes in that size?!" I tolerated it well enough. Did not shout at... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 11:00:40 EST Day 130- Another day, another breach in the hull of savings submarine http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5454946 Today is kid's eye exam. We already know she needs glasses. She wore them in kindergarten, first, and second grade. She decided that she wanted to look normal, and broke her glasses and hid them in her sock drawer. (being the one that puts laundry away) I found them that same day. We replaced them twice before giving up on her wearing glasses. She would not take care of them. <BR> <BR> Well, she is going into the 5th grade now, so we will try again. The cost of eye exam, glasses, etc, will b... Wed, 14 Aug 2013 10:47:21 EST Day 128 - Really? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5453447 So, I need to catch up a bit again. I am trying to make a spark people come back, While I am getting more frequent, I am no where near back to normal (spark people standards). <BR> <BR> The weekend was one of those weekends. Where the DH says something that ruins everything for me all weekend long. He shouted that he would love it if I did something right for a change. Yep, he really said it. So, my normal inadequacies were magnified all weekend long. <BR> <BR> The end of the weekend he to... Mon, 12 Aug 2013 23:30:34 EST Day 125- Hate to be a drama queen ... . but..... http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5450048 Well, of the 5lbs I had lost two weeks ago, I have gained 3lbs back. (I came off the lasix two weeks ago). <BR> <BR> Still a vegetarian. Still exploring new recipes. I am finding that the spices needed for most of these dishes are unreal. One recipe called for saffron. HOLY SOMETHING OF SOMEPLACE! It was 18$ an OUNCE!!! <BR> <BR> It is school time again, so I decided to get the kids school supplies while I was out getting groceries. I became deathly ill at the checkout. The total was 416$... Fri, 9 Aug 2013 14:57:57 EST Day 113 -Pity Party in my head http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5435941 Yep. I am trying to have one. Went to the doctor Friday. I've lost a total of 5lbs in 3 weeks on the vegetarian diet. My body had hives all over it when I went in. So, doctor said discontinue Lasix. <em>46</em> <BR> <BR> We talked about my anxiety and smoking. I am down to a cigarette a day looks like. I am trying very hard there. As far as my anxiety. . . I was taking 2 anxiety pills a day. I am down to one pill every 3 days or so. I am fairly certain it is the change in diet, as none of... Sun, 28 Jul 2013 07:39:58 EST Day 110- The power of control http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5433015 I had the regular mental breakdown. Again. It gets old on the emotional roller coaster. I didn't want to talk about it. I've been not speaking to my husband about anything substantial for weeks. I've just been very disconnected. Spending most of my time in my bedroom studying for MCSA-Server 2008 certification. Why am I breaking down...HMMM... Good question. I mean, I have a husband that would walk across a burning building, spit in the face of death, and carry my large bottom all the way hom... Thu, 25 Jul 2013 11:04:34 EST Day 108- A recap of events http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5430509 Its been a week since my last blog. Thought I would recap my week. <BR> <BR> I have not been using SP at all really. Just using the blogs to keep myself a journal of events. <BR> <BR> As I sat in the middle of the room nearly in tears over money last week, I decided that I had no control over it. There was no use crying over it. There were things I could control. I decided then, to take control of my eating. <BR> <BR> I've lost 4lbs the past week, making the vegetarian/Lasix combo a total... Tue, 23 Jul 2013 11:06:25 EST Day 103 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5423886 Yep, I am still at it. I woke at 5am, the dogs were restless. Instead of bothering to try to fall back asleep after tending to their needs, I just got up for the day and started coffee. <BR> <BR> Kid and I spent the day together. Her with headphones on, complaining whenever I would move one to talk to her. So, I stopped bother to remove them and just started yelling for her instead. She liked that even less :D <BR> <BR> The dogs were itchy, so I gave them a hair cut. I needed help with the ... Wed, 17 Jul 2013 08:17:58 EST Day 102 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5422693 It was a very long day. I looked forward to getting back into bed almost the moment I rolled out of it. <BR> <BR> I spent the day cleaning. The kid wanted popcorn with butter and salt, I wanted her bedroom cleaned. We compromised. I got to vacuum her carpet for the first time in months! <BR> <BR> I made the DH his apple crisp. (apples topped with oatmeal,butter,brown sugar and some flour). He ate almost the whole brownie pan of them. I attributed this to dinner. <BR> <BR> The flop was Sp... Tue, 16 Jul 2013 07:32:25 EST Day 101- Vegetarian Diet day 5 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5421722 Another hungry day. The family snacked on whatever they could find in the house all day long. I made salads for lunch, scrambled some eggs for them for breakfast, and made them black beans and rice for dinner. Still they snacked. <BR> <BR> I asked them what I could do to help them, would fruit salads at the end of the day be helpful...nope. no such luck. They are hungry for breads they say. Not sweets, salty foods. So, next stop at the store I will buy peanuts for them. <BR> <BR> I may end ... Mon, 15 Jul 2013 11:02:25 EST Day 100 Vegetarian diet day 4 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5421238 So, it was another day of not exercising. DH wanted to take kid to the pool, that did not happen... He did not sleep very well the night before, so he was a grogmonster all day. Kid seemed unphased by it. She parked herself in front of the computer, put her headset on, and was an unmovable rock for the entire day. <BR> <BR> <BR> Still going all out on the vegetarian wagon- for lunch we had leftover veggie pesto pizza and a salad. Kid picked at her pizza slice and ate a tiny amount of her sa... Sun, 14 Jul 2013 23:29:05 EST Day 99- Vegetarian diet day 3 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5419644 Yes, the kid's "I will try" attitude is gone, the DH is eating the food I cook without complaint at least, but he admits to going to the fast food places during lunch break at work for meat. <BR> <BR> Today I cooked a veggie pizza. the kid cried and complained her tummy hurt so she would just skip dinner. I advised her not to skip dinner, that I would need her input on the food so that next time we would not buy it if it was not good. She ate bits of lettuce drenched in ranch dressing. Then,... Sat, 13 Jul 2013 09:35:28 EST Day 98- Vegetarian diet day 2 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5418801 I managed another day of vegetarianism in a meat eater family! I managed to sneak in vegetables in their pasta siciliano tonight, the kid found the big slices of sun dried tomatoes though, but missed the garlic and onion. YAAY. I made sliced carrots as a side dish, and she had two helpings of those, so I was ok with it. <BR> <BR> Still no exercise on the home front. I just can not bring myself back into it. I have let the fat me take over too long and now, it will be another full scale assau... Fri, 12 Jul 2013 10:51:16 EST Day 97- Returning from 14 day bender http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5417884 I have been on an absolute destructive eating bender for the last 2 weeks. Have not bothered to be on SP at all either. With the destructive eating, I thought, that's not enough, lets add not bothering to exercise to the mix and see how it goes! <BR> <BR> I decided to get back on the wagon today. The doctor recommended a vegetarian diet for me, and I have decided to strong arm the family into it. My cholesterol was so bad, that I broke the vegetarian news when I got home from the doctor's of... Thu, 11 Jul 2013 13:12:22 EST Day 83- another hour drive http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5403496 Because I did not pass my drug test, I was to bring my prescriptions into the staffing agency, fill out some more papers, and then go home. Another 1hr 10 minute drive with the 10 year old whining the whole time. Yep, it was fun. <BR> <BR> On the way home, I got her an ice cream cone, but she still whined. My motherly mental capacities came back briefly and remembered we had two cd's of hers in the disk changer. a kids bop, and a childrens songs cd. We listened to the entire children's cd, ... Thu, 27 Jun 2013 11:49:33 EST Day 82- Fun just keeps on coming http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5401463 I did not want to do it. I went in for a job interview. It is with a staffing agency, which deals with industrial work only. Which means, another hot smelly factory. Yay for me. <BR> <BR> Except I didn't pass the drug test?! I can't afford drugs, or alcohol, or even a soda pop if I wanted one. So, I drove for an hour to the place, filled out papers, and left after failing pee test. I have to drive an hour tomorrow, bring in prescriptions, and fill out more papers. <BR> <BR> FUN FUN FUN. Th... Tue, 25 Jun 2013 14:29:07 EST Day 80 and 81 http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5400445 Not much to report. Did not even blog foods for these two days. Feet still swelling. Need to get back into a diet rhythm. Not sure if it will happen though. <BR> <BR> I haven't even been bothering to spin the wheel on SP. How sad. Now, I am forgetting to blog almost altogether. <BR> <BR> Doctor office called today. Blah blah blah. The bloodwork is fine, I am just lazy and can't lose the weight. I got it. The doctor will talk to me about my cholesterol at my visit next week. woo hoo. Can b... Mon, 24 Jun 2013 16:57:23 EST Day 79- Emotional Eating http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5398218 Started the day off weakly. I had pizza for a brunch snack with coffee. I am unhappy about having to see the doctor this week, having to do bloodwork, and being the only one doing any housekeeping in the house. So, today I ate. <BR> <BR> I ate so much today that I was sick to my stomach by the end of the day. Lesson apparently not learned from last time I did this. <BR> <BR> Got exercise in. sort of. walking around doing housework is what I am counting. Got plenty of water too. 10 glasses. ... Sat, 22 Jun 2013 11:42:30 EST Day 78- Trip to the Bloodwork Fairy http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5397275 I did manage to roll out of bed today in time to take DH to work, kid asked to sleep in, and I am not one for leaving her alone in the house...But today, DH said, it was fine. <BR> <BR> I am not going to lie, this helicopter mom was worried about her 10 year old being alone asleep for 20 minutes without us. Just the two aged dogs for help. <BR> <BR> I found her in the same position she was in when I left her. Of course, this meant I needed to stand there until I could see her breathing. HE... Fri, 21 Jun 2013 11:15:54 EST Day 77- Pizza http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5396086 yup, the junk food just keeps on coming! Today, the DH wanted pizza, I let him order it. I have been so tired of cooking lately. So, it was a nice treat. <BR> <BR> I spent my day baking. This pay period, we decided to do flat bread instead of buying store bought pre-made breads. It is an attempt to keep the calories down and the grocery bill smaller. It does not help that I have the tiny convection oven to work with, though. I can fit 2 flat breads in it each round. Which makes for a batch o... Thu, 20 Jun 2013 09:04:03 EST Day 76- Ice Cream anyone? http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5395015 I had ice cream for breakfast and dinner! It was not an "I give up" type of eating, though. I made sure not to fill my bowl to the top. I had a small amount each time and was fine with it. <BR> <BR> The only exercise I did today was cleaning. I was ok with that too. I just have too much going on to force myself to get a workout in. <BR> <BR> I started my new pills this morning. We will see how I feel in a few weeks. <BR> <BR> I managed to stay within calorie range too, even though it was ... Wed, 19 Jun 2013 10:01:23 EST Days 73,74, and 75- Finding me http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5392769 I have all but forgotten what I came here for. I spent 3 days fighting with myself to just walk for 15 minutes each day. I am having trouble getting enough calories, and the daily feedback tells me that I am over on my fat intake. Surprise. So, I need a big lift. I have been portioning off pills to try to make me last until doctor visit, which was today. <BR> <BR> I spent the day worrying about the doctor visit, that I would forget something, that I would not say it right, that I would not g... Tue, 18 Jun 2013 00:43:57 EST Day 73- TGIF? Not so much http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5389873 I was awake again at 5am. The deer tramping through my dream. Made coffee, intending on staying up, but that darned recliner called, telling me to sit while my cheap coffee pot took ages to make my coffee. I woke at 8am and had my coffee. <BR> <BR> We had decided not to buy bread this pay period. We make home made flat bread instead. Less calories and less expensive than regular store bought bread, and I can control what is put into it. The last batch was fine, but it lacked any real flavor... Sat, 15 Jun 2013 10:55:32 EST Day 72- Hiding the problems http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5388988 I have been stretching my medication to last me until I found a doctor in this area. Which means, well, it is not good. I wait until I have chest pain accompanying an anxiety attack before I take a pill. But, I never felt that they helped anyway. I mean, yes, they helped the anxiety attacks, but not the other problems that have come on with the "depression and anxiety" diagnosis. I have an appointment coming up with the doctor, and I am not sure I want to know what is really wrong with me. <B... Fri, 14 Jun 2013 11:35:03 EST Day 71- Being sick http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5387859 I have been holding off being sick for a little over a week now. Fever daily, being dizzy and not wanting to move. DH has been coughing less and more talkative, so I sent him an email asking if he was done being sick so I could have a turn. <BR> <BR> He said he was just about over it. Yaay! I get to be sick today! (well, not until he gets home from work, but at least something!). <BR> <BR> Today was science day for the kid. She has given up any reading/grammar, but still enjoys the scienc... Thu, 13 Jun 2013 10:02:40 EST Day 70- The Munchies http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5386926 I was so busy today! Not anything in particular, just trying to keep the kid occupied really. I found myself in the kitchen, almost all day, helping her make the flat bread recipe that we found yesterday. She wanted to do most of the work, so that left my hands free for ...snacking! <BR> <BR> And did I ever SNACK! I found myself with a spoon and the peanut butter jar before I could even blink. I managed to keep it to a single serving at least. But later in the day, I found myself eating a b... Wed, 12 Jun 2013 12:24:28 EST Day 69- Grocery Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5385692 I despise grocery shopping. It is the getting out of the house and being in public for so long that is the worst. The DH woke me very early to ask if I was going to go. I replied no, I feel like poo. I am not getting out of this chair and you can not make me. Directly after that, I went into the bedroom and lay down on the bed for an hour before it sunk in that he was not at work. He was waiting for me to do shopping before he made a doctor appointment. *sigh* <BR> <BR> Got dressed, got kid... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 10:39:53 EST Day 69- Grocery Day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5385691 I despise grocery shopping. It is the getting out of the house and being in public for so long that is the worst. The DH woke me very early to ask if I was going to go. I replied no, I feel like poo. I am not getting out of this chair and you can not make me. Directly after that, I went into the bedroom and lay down on the bed for an hour before it sunk in that he was not at work. He was waiting for me to do shopping before he made a doctor appointment. *sigh* <BR> <BR> Got dressed, got kid... Tue, 11 Jun 2013 10:39:49 EST Day 68- Sugarless day http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5384486 I have officially "caught" the bug the DH came home with last week. He is STILL ill, and does not want to go to the doctor, because that is 25$ we just don't have. Finally convinced him to go on Monday. He can't keep being this irritable and have a family. <BR> <BR> The kid still seems in good health. Although, she has been having more frequent outbursts of anger since school let out. Not sure what it is about, or how to go about making it stop. I am trying the think method after she calms ... Mon, 10 Jun 2013 11:56:13 EST Day 67- A day in the life of the clutz http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5383226 Today I did some housework, which means I counted it as workout. Anything is better than nothing at this point in my journey. <BR> <BR> I made buttermilk pancakes and had mine with a teaspoon of powdered sugar on top, instead of the syrup- because we have no fruit to mash on top of them. <BR> <BR> Skipped lunch today because breakfast was so late. Almost 11am. Did end up regretting it. By 2pm I was starving, and the only quick thing we had in the house was whipped chocolate icing. Now, I a... Sun, 9 Jun 2013 09:51:18 EST Day 66- Trying not to flinch http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5382437 Today was one of the bad days for the DH. He is back to work, coming home early due to his sinus problems. He suffers from bipolar disorder and refuses medication. That being said, I accept him for who he is, even if it means having days like today. <BR> <BR> The kid and I spent the day cleaning, she even helped mop the floors. Carrying on about how nice the pine smell was through the house, instead of dog smell. I got the glamorous toilet cleaning done, and was sitting down to ramp up to do... Sat, 8 Jun 2013 12:47:21 EST Day 65- Paying attention http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5381295 Did you ever feel like you were just going through the motions? Life was just a series of mechanical responses to the world around you? <BR> <BR> That has been me the past week. Just doing what I have to do to get by. Exercise or not, calories or not. Yes, I tracked, but just out of habit and clinging to the hope I would shake this terrible mechanical response to my life. <BR> <BR> So, what was I supposed to do to fix that?! Double my depression/anxiety meds? No thanks. Yes, the DH has been... Fri, 7 Jun 2013 10:20:35 EST Day 64- gone without a trace! http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5380148 I should say that the DH is still sick. He spent the day at home with the family. Breathing on us. Having me bring him chicken broth and ibuprofen. And I thought he loved us. <BR> <BR> The kid recently turned 10, and as a 10 year old, she came to the conclusion that she was old enough to cook. She is as stubborn as her daddy. When she gets something in her head she will not stop until she gets to do it. So, I promised she could try her hand at cookie making. <BR> <BR> I made her do EVERYT... Thu, 6 Jun 2013 10:02:24 EST Day 63- Another day on the merry go round http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5379097 Another day that I am very annoyed about. I wanted to get to lady kettleball. I wanted to get kids "summer schooling" done. DH was sick all day, and completely destroyed all semblance of normality in the house today. I was trying to listen to my inside out weight loss podcast on his computer when he decided to get up. There went that down the tubes. <BR> <BR> With the day completely shot to pieces, I had no idea what I was going to do. I gave the family the look. No one seemed to care. So, I... Wed, 5 Jun 2013 12:00:21 EST Day 62- another fight with the fat lady lost http://www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journal_individual.asp?blog_id=5377721 It is officially summer. I was used to having my life uninterrupted during the daytime... Now, I have the kid underfoot, running about, and wanting to be around me constantly. This was day 1 of summer, so it was bound to be a disaster. <BR> <BR> I ate absolutely everything I could find that was remotely edible, gave no thought to the calories, and did not even take time to enjoy the food. WHY?! Because my routine was ruined. I am a strange creature. I have a schedule, a routine, and when it... Tue, 4 Jun 2013 09:29:09 EST