JENS1974's SparkPeople Blog JENS1974's Blog on SparkPeople, home of free diet plans and a healthy living community One Day at a Time...November 6 One step at a time, one day at a time. I'm feeling good this week. What I've done: <BR> <BR> 1.) Tuesday I went back to the gym and worked out for an hour (cardio & weights) <BR> 2.) I have committed to drinking a bottle of water before drinking my daily Diet Coke. Today is day 3, and it's working out well! <BR> 3.) I'm making healthier choices in small increments. While I cooked dinner last night, I munched on carrots. I brought a pair to work yesterday and had that as a snack. I fo... Thu, 6 Nov 2014 10:42:51 EST Facing the Music It's November 4, 2014, and I'm forcing myself to face the music. I gave up. I quit. I have used lots of excuses to avoid dealing with my weight. Now, here I am, weighing 241lbs and feeling terrible. Not just emotionally terrible, but physically terrible. I am exhausted all the time. My stomach hurts from not feeding it the right stuff. I look terrible. My face is puffy from too much fat and sodium. My stomach is getting too big for Matthew to sit on my lap comfortably. My favorit... Tue, 4 Nov 2014 10:53:41 EST It's a Good Day Today There are many reasons why today is a good day. For one, it's my Husband's birthday. Yay! <BR> <BR> I have to brag on him for a minute because I think he's AWESOME. He's kind, loving, a great dad, and takes really good care of us all. He's my rock. I can get worked up and crazy at times, and he's the calm I sometimes need. So Happy Birthday Honey! <BR> <BR> Another good thing about today is that last night I planned and prepped my lunch for today. I have joined a new Spark Tea... Thu, 4 Sep 2014 11:40:04 EST Out of Sight, Out of Mind One of my biggest obstacles with my weight loss plan is that as soon as I'm away from my computer, my goals and plans are "out of sight, out of mind". I've recently had someone suggest I get tested for ADD, as I do tend to do that with a lot of things. I sit in a meeting and take a bunch of notes, but as soon as I come back to my desk I can't seem to focus on what I need to do. <BR> <BR> I function at work by keeping a list in front of me. One that is hand-written and updated daily. E... Tue, 2 Sep 2014 10:05:09 EST Body Image - What my Daughter Sees I came home from a rough day at work and my 7 year old had drawn a beautiful picture of our family for me. She drew Daddy, Matthew, Herself, the dog, and Me. I noticed something in that picture - I wasn't fat. In fact, in every picture she draws, I'm the same size as all of the other adults. In that simple moment, I realized that my kids don't see me the same way that I see myself. <BR> <BR> A few years ago, my sister called to tell me that my niece (who was about 2 or 3 at the time) s... Fri, 29 Aug 2014 11:36:19 EST Small Choices...Leading to Big Results? I'm trying to make one or two small changes to my eating each day. Just like working on my self image - it's WORK. Every day at lunch I have to go to battle with myself. I'm an emotional eater. When I'm having a rough day, I want to sit at lunch, vent and eat what I want. At lately, work has been a string of rough days. <BR> <BR> The stupid thing is that I feel great when I make good choice! I feel rotten when I don't. You'd think it'd be an easy choice! But, I'm doing it in smal... Tue, 26 Aug 2014 16:22:27 EST A Compliment Today, I received a compliment from a co-worker. She said that she didn't know what was going on with me, but lately, I just seemed to be carrying myself with more confidence. It was a lovely compliment! <BR> <BR> I guess I have been feeling better about myself lately. I think there are a few things I've done to help myself. First, getting back onto Sparkpeople and just paying attention to what I'm eating. I've also been paying more attention to my appearance - getting my hair cut in a... Fri, 22 Aug 2014 10:58:47 EST Body Image - Loving your Body no matter what size. This is something I've really struggled with. The idea of loving your body no matter your size. I have never tried to compare myself to the magazines or tv. But I do see the extra weight and the effect it has on my life. I think it stems from struggling with my weight at such a young age. <BR> <BR> In a recent discussion with someone, I pointed out that I remembered going to a nutritionist with my Mom to help me learn how to eat and lose weight. My mom had the best intentions, but th... Tue, 19 Aug 2014 10:27:15 EST Sunday Evening Time It's been a busy weekend and I'm feeling good! <BR> <BR> I'm happy to report that we have a new range and range hood in our kitchen. It's been a year in the making. Our 30+ year old range was referred to as "The Beast", as it blew out flames when lit. After discovering obstacle after obstacle, we FINALLY have a new range. It preheats, it turns on quietly, and no sign of flames shooting out of it when turning it on. I already cook a lot, but now I can do it more comfortably! <BR> <BR>... Sun, 13 Jul 2014 20:25:27 EST Was that a little glimmer? Well, I made it to day 2! That's something, right? I made better choices in my eating. I stopped myself when I wanted to munch before dinner was ready. I didn't scrounge around in the cabinet before bed looking for "something" to munch on. And I'm back today! <BR> <BR> I may be seeing a little glimmer of my spark...still dim...but it's there! <BR> <BR> I've discovered Quaker Popped Rice Snacks - Ranch flavor. All the crunch and saltiness I crave, but a healthier option. It's a sta... Thu, 10 Jul 2014 10:27:22 EST My own worst enemy I spend a lot of time thinking...and not acting. During my commute, I spend my time in my car thinking about all the great things I'm going to do, and then I don't. Every night before bed, I set out my workout clothes and plan to get up...and I don't. I look in the mirror in the morning and think about how puffy my face is and how unflattering my haircut is now...and do nothing. I see myself in a picture and get depressed...and still do nothing. <BR> <BR> I just don't seem to know how t... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 11:15:47 EST My own worst enemy I spend a lot of time thinking...and not acting. During my commute, I spend my time in my car thinking about all the great things I'm going to do, and then I don't. Every night before bed, I set out my workout clothes and plan to get up...and I don't. I look in the mirror in the morning and think about how puffy my face is and how unflattering my haircut is now...and do nothing. I see myself in a picture and get depressed...and still do nothing. <BR> <BR> I just don't seem to know how t... Wed, 9 Jul 2014 11:15:44 EST A work in progress... I heard a co-worker use this term - a work in progress - to describe an issue we are resolving at the office. Everyone is working on the solution, but it's not complete yet. That's me right now...and probably always! I'm a work in progress. This week, I'm definitely making some progress with my goals! I still have work to do, but those small steps make a difference! <BR> <BR> One of my biggest challenges is lunch during the week. I often choose to eat out with my co-workers instead o... Wed, 15 Jan 2014 10:29:45 EST Plan A should have been Plan B... When I started to write this blog, I started to describe ever incident that has occurred this week that kept me derailed from my program. I outlined in detail the weather forecast for ice and how I bought into it, thinking we'd be iced in. I talked about the 3 am wake-up call from my toddler the night before my regular day back to work. And I was about to go into detail about many other little hiccups to my week. Then I hit the backspace key....for a long time. <BR> <BR> Because in trut... Thu, 9 Jan 2014 12:21:59 EST Ready for back to "normal"... I love the holidays, don't get me wrong! I love having some extra time off from work, spending time with the family, decorating, etc. However, now I'm ready for my routine to go back to normal. Our normal may be hectic, but it's consistent! This lazy work schedule has lead to staying up too late and sleeping in. I've allowed myself to skip workouts and eat junk - because it's the holidays after all! <BR> <BR> Our normal schedule will begin on Tuesday, when Kate goes back to school. My... Fri, 3 Jan 2014 11:11:19 EST "Back in the Saddle Again" seems to be running through my head... Probably because that is how I feel today. The end of the year has been a whirlwind! Career changes, holidays, vacation time, and getting out of my routine has meant a slip in my commitment to my health. As the year comes to a close, it is time to recommit and regroup! Time to get back into the Saddle Again! <BR> <BR> A quick recap of the past month - my boss left, which opened the door to an opportunity for me to step up and shine! It's been incredible! I'm achieving one of my goals ... Tue, 31 Dec 2013 09:58:03 EST Time to Re-Group! I have to admit, over the past couple of weeks, I've let my goals and plans fall the wayside. I haven't been making good food choices. I haven't been pushing myself on my workouts. I haven't taken the time to really focus on my goals and achieve them. There has just been too much going on and I've had to just let go of a few things. But that is stopping NOW! <BR> <BR> Now, I will say the past, when I've gone through phases like this, I just give up completely. I throw up my ... Thu, 14 Nov 2013 10:43:21 EST I need about 2 more hours in a day, and an on-call therapist! As I've mentioned in a few recent blogs, we're going through a really tough phase with Matthew - my 21month old. He's entered the terrible 2's like a racehorse busting through the gate when the starting gun goes off. Add this to a full work schedule, a ton of new responsibilities, and trying to let my 6 year old know that we still love her and want to have time for her too - Mommy is going a little nutsy! <BR> <BR> As a Mom, you begin to blame it on yourself. "I don't have enough time fo... Tue, 12 Nov 2013 11:45:07 EST So much can happen in a short time! Halloween, a trip to the mountains, and some major changes at work! All good! All keeping me very busy! <BR> <BR> We had a great Halloween! Both kids got to trick or treat, and were terribly cute! I had a minor success while walking around our extremely hilly neighborhood. As my neighbor huffed and puffed up the big hills, I noticed that I was still talking and walking with no problem! All my exercising is paying off! <BR> <BR> <img src=" Wed, 6 Nov 2013 10:32:21 EST 229 That's my next magic number, that's my goal, that's my motivation. When I weighed in on Friday, I finally got to 232. Yay! So, now my small goal is to get below the 230's. I want to see 229. So that night, before bed, I pictured 229 in my head and repeated it to myself over and over. <BR> <BR> I've had a rough few weeks lately, so I've had to dig deep to keep my motivation up. Last week, and into this week, I missed a few workouts due to exhaustion and depression taking over. I saw ... Wed, 30 Oct 2013 13:49:44 EST Hmmm...a light at the end of the tunnel? I just got some interesting news today at work that may make my future here a little brighter! <BR> <BR> I've been in my job for over 9 years, and have worked under the VP of sales. He's a difficult person to work for, in fact, I'm the only one that has lasted under him for this long - and it wasn't easy! He's a terrible manager, he's moody, inconsistent, and can just be mean sometimes. We've been together for so long that I get him and have learned how to deal with him. I've also absor... Wed, 23 Oct 2013 13:32:57 EST Enjoying the cooler weather - but still struggling. Fall is my absolute favorite time of the year, but it just doesn't feel the same this year. The weather has turned cooler and the leaves are changing. Usually, I start feeling excited about the season and getting ready for Halloween, etc. This year, I'm going through the motions. <BR> <BR> I talked to my doctor on Friday and she's checking my thyroid levels and some other things. She's going to get back to me today or tomorrow. I guess her thoughts are the depression medication woul... Mon, 21 Oct 2013 11:25:09 EST Off to the doctor today...hoping for some help and maybe a nap! I decided to head back to see my doctor today to regulate my medications. Something just isn't right. I'm just barely holding it all together. Of course, lack of sleep doesn't help anything! <BR> <BR> Last night my sweet little boy woke up at 3:30am crying. I finally got him settled again around 4:20am. Which meant I laid in bed and fell asleep about 5 minutes before my alarm went off. To say the least, I didn't work out this morning. <BR> <BR> Ironically, I got to work about 10 m... Fri, 18 Oct 2013 11:29:36 EST Struggling with my Mood and Energy lately! Argh! I want to feel good again! Several weeks ago I met with my doctor regarding my depression symptoms and got put on a new medication regime. It was working great! I felt better, I was motivated, and just plain happier. <BR> <BR> Thursday of last week I started to notice a change. It started with just some stresses at work, but then I noticed it was extending to home after work. I had less patience with my kids, and found myself tearing up as I sat next to my toddler's crib waitin... Tue, 15 Oct 2013 10:12:16 EST Stress and eating - even the horse looked appetizing! As I sat in the motionless line of traffic, going less than 2 miles in 30 minutes last night, my shoulders were so tense, they touched my earlobes and everything I saw reminded me of something delicious to eat. <BR> <BR> Yesterday was just one of THOSE days. Traffic was horrible, which meant my commute was 1 hour to work and over an hour to get home again. In between traffic, I had those pesky work hours, and they weren't fun. Different bosses wanting different things...all at the same... Thu, 10 Oct 2013 10:16:34 EST "Wow! You look so thin!" I ran into a friend I haven't seen in a while, and the first words out of her mouth were..."Wow! You look so thin! Great job!". What a fantastic way to start the day! I felt so good about myself, I even decided to put some lipstick on! HA! <BR> <BR> Of course, those little voices in my head try to sabotage my feeling of success. You know the ones...the cynical, unhappy thoughts. "Well, she probably saw you post something on Facebook about losing weight or something - so she said som... Wed, 9 Oct 2013 10:45:51 EST What? What? 40 Minutes! As a special surprise, my husband loaded some new workout videos to my collection. I usually stick with 30 minute or 20 minute workouts, since my time is limited in the mornings. Today, since my daughter is out of school, and my mornings have a little more wiggle room, I went for the 40 minute workout, which equals a 3 mile walk. <BR> <BR> I have to admit, I was a little nervous when I started it, wondering if I'd make it through. Once I got going, I never looked back! I made it throug... Tue, 8 Oct 2013 10:14:30 EST What? No super sizing me? We had a crazy weekend - filled with soccer, birthday parties, and a last minute trip to visit grandparents. Which meant a crazy weekend of going with the flow and not carefully planning my meals and snacks. I'm happy to say, not only did I survive without going completely off the radar, but I learned something about the new me - I don't like McDonald's anymore. <BR> <BR> Yup, I said. I don't like the food I used to crave! Me - the one that used to crave a Quarter Pounder with Cheese an... Mon, 7 Oct 2013 09:59:10 EST Fridays...oh how I LOVE Friday! This has been a weird week and I'm just looking forward to the weekend, and hoping for a little rest. <BR> <BR> My birthday was great! It was a nice day with family and friends, and just getting a little spoiled. I'm also happy to report that I exercised all 5 days this week! 3 morning workouts, and 2 walks at the soccer field. Last night, I finally had time to do 2 miles! <BR> <BR> On the flip side, we've had some struggles that are just adding stress to the week. I've committed... Fri, 4 Oct 2013 11:05:23 EST Happy Birthday to ME! I woke up today and the little voice inside my head said..."You don't have to workout this morning - it's your birthday"! But then my Spark voice took over and said..."Nope, you need to workout. You're having a lunch out with friends, your Mom made your FAVORITE cheesecake, and there's no telling what the hubby has planned for dinner". Yup, that's how I roll now! <BR> <BR> As a surprise this morning, when I went to turn on my workout, my husband had added 3 new workout videos for me! ... Wed, 2 Oct 2013 10:37:13 EST Hello Gorgeous! That's me in 10 years, looking in the mirror! HA! My action step for today is to visualize myself in 10 years and how I would encourage my current self. <BR> <BR> I actually think about this a lot. I like to visualize myself in my beautiful home, decorated just the way I like. The kids would be teenagers and into their own friends and activities, leaving a little more time for my husband and I to have time to do the things we enjoy. I'd be into my career, and making enough money to li... Tue, 1 Oct 2013 11:04:19 EST Forgive me Father...for I have sinned HA! That's how I feel after I've had a slump in my plan. I can't explain what happened this weekend, or last week! I just had a hard time controlling my urges and sticking to my proper ranges. I'm going to put some of the blame on hormones. The rest is just on me. <BR> <BR> Now, time to move on...and forward! I started the Fit Food challenge today. I've had to modify it a little to fit into our life and budget. I picked a few options for lunches and breakfasts from the meal plan th... Mon, 30 Sep 2013 13:27:58 EST Committing myself... Not to the insane asylum, which is probably where I belong, but to the Fit Food Challenge! My fitness is on track, it's my eating that I need to work on. SO, I'm committing to the 30 day Fit Food Challenge! I've asked my husband to do it with me, not only for his health, but to make things simpler with meals, etc. I even sent the link to a few girls around the office. <BR> <BR> On a completely separate note...regarding the trials and tribulations of staying sane while raising a toddle... Thu, 26 Sep 2013 10:48:22 EST It all started with a phone call... I had a plan in place. We needed a few things from the store and it was soccer practice. So, my plan - run to the store directly after work, pick up a sub at Subway, go to soccer practice, walk the track, go home.... No problem! But then the phone rang...My husband can't pick up Matthew from the sitter, he's stuck at work. OK, no problem! I'll just run to the store, get my sub, pick up Matthew, go to soccer practice, walk the track... Silly me! <BR> <BR> I go to the store and pick up t... Wed, 25 Sep 2013 11:04:46 EST A fun weekend...and now time to rein it in a little... Saturday started out a little slow with a rainy, yucky day and a missed soccer game, but Sunday made up for it with a full day at the State Fair! I know I overindulged a little, but semi-carefully. And now I have to rein it in a little for the rest of the week! <BR> <BR> As I said, Saturday was a little slow. It was a rainy morning, and no one seemed motivated to get moving. Then my husband went to check my daughter's soccer schedule to see which uniform she was supposed to wear, and r... Tue, 24 Sep 2013 10:40:42 EST Cake for Breakfast! Yup, you read that correctly, I just had cake for breakfast! We celebrated our CEO's birthday this morning, and since I hadn't had my breakfast yet, I had a piece of cake! <BR> <BR> Cake for breakfast? It has eggs, wheat, milk...all the important food groups! HA! Seriously though, I realize it's not a healthy breakfast. But in the past, I would have eaten my normal breakfast, had the cake for "Dessert", gone out for a fattening lunch with the girls, and then ordered take-out for dinne... Fri, 20 Sep 2013 11:45:16 EST Just got Calorie Bombed! It's a co-worker's birthday today, and so her boss invited several of us to join them for lunch. The birthday girl picked Zoe's Kitchen - a funky new restaurant that serves Mediterranean dishes that are made with simple, fresh ingredients. Their menu offers Gluten Free, Vegetarian and even Vegan options, and everything is made on site, using a grill - no deep fryer, no microwave. SO, I'm thinking - GREAT! I can get something light for lunch. <BR> <BR> A friend of mine and I split the ... Tue, 17 Sep 2013 13:28:38 EST We're not on speaking terms right now... the scale and I, that is. I was expecting a loss this week, and was disappointed to see a gain this morning. I'm pretty sure the scale heard me telling my husband that was about to cross the 10lb mark, so just to spite me, it showed a gain. <BR> <BR> Yeah, yeah, yeah...I know...slow and steady. There will be times when this will happen. Water weight, muscles, too much salt, blah blah blah. It's just frustrating sometimes. I do these visualizations about how I'll feel at my goal weig... Mon, 16 Sep 2013 16:03:11 EST What a difference! It's been a crazy week. Soccer practice has added a whole new level of craziness to our lives that I didn't anticipate, and to make the new challenge more fun, my son has been terribly sick this week. Between having to stay home with him, juggle work projects and try to get into a new groove with evening soccer practices - I've been a little stressed. But what a difference in me! <BR> <BR> In the past, a week like this would have caused me to throw my good fitness and eating habits to t... Fri, 13 Sep 2013 14:25:57 EST Going the extra Mile... Literally! Kate has started soccer this fall, and I may be more excited about it than she is! Why? Because it's a chance for me to get in extra fitness 2 nights a week! <BR> <BR> The field where Kate plays has this awesome paved track that goes around the fields and equals 1/2 mile per lap. So, 2 days a week, I pack my bag with a change of clothes and shoes. While Kate practices, I do laps around the track. Last night, I was able to complete a full mile. I'm going to see how much I ... Wed, 11 Sep 2013 13:52:45 EST Water, Water, Water... My theory about why you should drink so much water when trying to lose weight is because you get in extra fitness walking to and from the bathroom. <BR> <BR> Drinking enough water is my biggest challenge! When I was a kid, we didn't drink water regularly. We'd grab milk, juice, or Tab! <BR> <BR> In the morning, I have my cup of coffee, which I desperately need. Then there is my one vice that I'm still holding onto - Diet Coke. I have 1 can per day. The horror! I've heard the lec... Tue, 10 Sep 2013 10:34:58 EST It's a good day! My daughter's elementary school did a really cool fundraiser this year. Instead of selling cookie dough, gift wrap or candy, they did a fun run! Each kid was asked to collect pledges from at least 10 people they know. They could collect a dollar amount per lap, or a flat donation. All week, the boosterthon crew has been at her school having pep rallies and events to get the kids all excited about the fun run. <BR> <BR> Today was the big day! Daddy and I made a point of cheering her on... Thu, 5 Sep 2013 15:01:58 EST A note to my husband... Today is my husband's birthday and every year I struggle with trying to figure out the best way to celebrate it. He doesn't even realize what a treasure he really is to me and our kids. <BR> <BR> Just yesterday, my Mom was telling me about the struggles our dear friend is having with her own kids, and how her friend's husband is so kind and giving. She said that throughout the years, she always admired him and wished she had married someone more like him. Then she said..."you did!". An... Wed, 4 Sep 2013 10:09:13 EST All in moderation I have a friend, whom I've mentioned before, who has over 100lbs to lose and has the "Biggest Loser" mentality. If she's not doing hours of exercise every day, or eating every thing exactly right, she beats herself up and gets discouraged. We both started on our journeys at about the same time, and she's down about 30 lbs in 10 weeks, and I'm down 8lbs. That's a big difference! <BR> <BR> At first, I saw her success and felt envious. But then as I read about her challenges and the late... Tue, 3 Sep 2013 11:45:23 EST My current self to my future self...a reminder! Sleepy, crabby, and not ready to get out of bed - that was me this morning at 5:30am when my alarm clock went off. The argument started in my head..."take the day off, you've had a few nights of terrible sleep", "you don't need to workout today, you can make it up tomorrow", "just go back to sleep". But then my sparkpeople voice took over..."No, you need to work feel better when you work'll be tired and crabby ALL day if you don't quote a line from R... Fri, 30 Aug 2013 10:49:15 EST Yep, that's right...inches gone! Lately, I've been very frustrated with the scale. It's just not moving! For 3 weeks straight, I've been stuck. I'm eating within my ranges and I'm exercising regularly. Why won't the darn thing move? <BR> <BR> Out comes the tape measure. I took my measurements the first night I started back to Spark around July 6th. I've been nervous to take my measurements again because of not seeing the scale move, and because I haven't really noticed my clothes changing yet. But I did it. I got ... Wed, 28 Aug 2013 10:10:59 EST Portion Distortion As I entered my foods from dinner last night and this morning, I looked up the article about Portion Distortion. I couldn't remember what a serving of chicken breast should look like. While looking it up, I got distracted by a quiz about portions. Whoa! I was shocked at what I didn't know! <BR> <BR> When I cook, I can usually figure out a Teaspoon or a Tablespoon measurement in my palm, but when I eat, I always struggle with it. Ironically, for sauces and dressings, I tend to under por... Tue, 27 Aug 2013 10:05:14 EST I did something crazy I just celebrated my 9 year anniversary with my current job. Ok, celebrate probably isn't the correct word - I reached my 9 year anniversary. 9 years of working for the same department, doing essentially the same tasks, and being miserable. Yes, my role has evolved - I am the "Go To" person for everything that needs to be done quickly, accurately, and without an attitude. It's a small company, so there is little room for growth, you just absorb more responsibility. <BR> <BR> Over time... Fri, 23 Aug 2013 11:13:26 EST Fighting the Battle It feels like every day is nearly a battle for me. The battle to get out of bed and workout...when what I really want to do is stay asleep. The battle to get work done, when what I really want to do is...ok, sleep. HA! The battle to cook a healthy meal, instead of stopping off for something quick and easy on the way home. The battle to log onto Spark and admit to myself and others that I am losing momentum and face the fact that this is a long, hard journey. <BR> <BR> So, here I am. C... Tue, 20 Aug 2013 10:42:22 EST Ok, that's enough of this! Enough of trying to convince myself that I'm ok and if I just wait it out, I'll feel better. Enough of saying it's just hormones. Enough of saying, I don't need medication. <BR> <BR> Depression. It sucks! Growing up, I always heard..."It'll pass. Everybody gets sad sometimes. Just suck it up!". So, when I was diagnosed with depression in my 20's I felt some kind of relief that what I was experiencing was not "normal". <BR> <BR> Unfortunately, I still try to fight the fact that I... Thu, 15 Aug 2013 13:59:19 EST