JEANINNEWCASTLE's SparkPeople Blog

Friends and Family as a Line of Defense

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:32:17 EST

I'm still a bit freaked out by how confused I was the other night when my bloodsugar got too low. I knew that I wasn't acting normally but I couldn't think through why that was the case. I should know that checking my bloodsugar should be at the top of my list in that situation but what I "should" know didn't come into play. I am very fortunate to have understanding friends and family who have all promised to check my bloodsugar and get food in me if that ever happens again. Being able to...

Losing it At the Gym

Fri, 17 May 2013 13:05:17 EST

It was a perfect storm that caused a perfect storm of tears after working out: lack of sleep, a painful flare and unbeknownst to me, low blood sugar. Last night was one of my favorite Zumba instructor's last nights. I like her. I was her assistant so I knew her probably more than some of the others in the class. But while I'm sad she's moving on, it isn't something that would leave me bereft. But the hypoglycemic episode I was having left me in tears. Every time I thought I had myself ...

Can I Stop Pretending Now?

Wed, 15 May 2013 00:11:48 EST

The pain hit suddenly and virulently tonight right before Zumba. I love my Zumba but tonight was tough to find my Zumba Happy Spot. During one water break one of my friends came up to ask why I was so quiet. I told her "Because I'm in pain!" Her reply was to "Step up to the plate anyway." It was a bit hard to do though when every jarring move made me want to cry, but I did it. I got into cheerleader mode and started to liven things up. I even led two songs.

The pain might ...

Monday Musings

Mon, 13 May 2013 19:07:46 EST

I am so tired! It has been a bit humid here and I haven't slept well in the last 3 or 4 nights.

We are having beef tonight. My dh was complaining that all I've been cooking lately is chicken. I asked him what he wanted and he said "anything but chicken". I made him narrow it down a bit.

I'm going to do my Feldenkrais exercises now. I've been a bit afraid to do them again since I ran into tummy problems with my NSaids. My chiro. said that my muscles were moving ...

Handling Special Days

Sun, 12 May 2013 20:08:46 EST

I'm frustrated because my bloodsugar is higher than I want it to be after lunch and we're still going out tonight for Mother's Day. I feel like I can't eat anything that is different than my normal restrictions without paying for it. I'm not pigging out or anything either. I had one snack size Lay's potato chip bag along with my lunch salad. I will try to go no grain at the Chinese buffet we're going to but I have to say that I'm already feeling sorry for myself!

Commit Yourself!

Sat, 11 May 2013 14:37:26 EST

One thing I've been learning, the more active I get in leading in Zumba is that sometimes you just have to commit yourself! When I'm leading and make a mistake, my instructor has told me to not admit it and just keep going. Most people never notice and you can pick up the right motions at the next musical line. I already knew to do that when I sing so leading Zumba is pretty much the same, with the exception that you are leading 30 some people into the same mistake!

I'm also p...

When Things Unravel

Fri, 10 May 2013 16:39:19 EST

I was so happy yesterday with my progress and non-scale victories. Then the high doses of anti-inflammatories that I am prescribed, caught up with me. I was up last night with intense stomach cramping and internal bleeding. I'm off the meds now. I don't know what he'll try next since steroids are already off the table. Anyway - I slept all morning. I'm functional but not at a very high level.

It's "one foot in front of the other" time. The kids fed me my normal breakfast -...

Things are Coming Together

Thu, 9 May 2013 13:24:33 EST

A whole bunch of non-scale victories are piling up around me.

1. My bloodsugars are firmly in normal range for the first time in a long time.

2. I'm sticking with my no grains diet and am not finding it difficult. This is the reason for victory number 1, btw.

3. I'm becoming more flexible. I'm still in pain but the increased flexibility is awesome.

4. I measured after months of not measuring and discovered that I had lost two inches around...

The Difference Between Night and Day

Wed, 8 May 2013 14:08:50 EST

I wrote an e-mail to myself at 2 am last night:

To Me:

It is 2 am and here I am talking to myself. I don't want to e-mail my friends or even the chronic illness support group because I hate whining about something only to find out that it is transitory. Which most of the time it is, because that's the nature of the beast.

This pain doesn't feel like a flare. It feels like my whole left side is out of joint - my elbow, my ribs, my hip. Lovely. I just too...

A Non-scale Victory and a Neat New Book

Tue, 7 May 2013 13:47:13 EST

3 months ago, I had a hemoglobin a1c test done and my results were 6.3 - a pre-diabetic number. I went (mostly) no grain for the last 3 months. Yesterday I got my new a1c results. My numbers went down 3 points to 6.0! The Hemoglobin a1c test measures what your average bloodsugar level is over time and is a pretty good tool for diagnosing and evaluating how well you are managing your diabetes. I would actually like to get my numbers a bit lower. 6.0 is the very highest number that is sti...

Heat and Temperature Change

Mon, 6 May 2013 22:20:59 EST

Today was 87 degrees and I am not feeling well. I did fine most of the day until I had to cook. And even though I grilled outside, I still felt the heat. Perhaps I am dehydrated, though I am trying to push the fluids. I don't feel much like eating or drinking, actually. Tomorrow is supposed to be over 10 degrees cooler. My muscles don't do well with ping-ponging temperatures like that either.

Feldenkrais ATM and Functional Integration

Sun, 5 May 2013 22:56:11 EST

I've been going to Feldenkrais "Awareness Through Movement" (ATM) sessions every other weekend. The particular sessions that I go to are for two hours. The practitioner talks us through movements designed to help us to retrain our brains to move in ways that are natural, easy and without pain. I've had mixed feelings about the sessions - which is kind of funny since I can only find 100% good reviews online. Let me tell you why my feelings are mixed. The sessions are supposed to be pain f...

Struggling Through Saturday

Sat, 4 May 2013 13:34:44 EST

I am having a particularly hard time with my muscles today. Bending over is excruciating. And my muscles feel heavy and like they have no strength. I'm not sure if it is good or bad that I'm having a individual therapeutic movement session today. The sessions (I've only had group sessions so far) tend to leave me very drained and often I have detox symptoms afterward. I really, really wish that I could hide from my own body today. But the reality is that really nothing I do - even just ...

Looking back at my Journey

Fri, 3 May 2013 13:05:36 EST

I was talking to a friend last night at the Y. She reminded me that she was my first friend at the Y. We met in Zumba. Last night we danced side by side again. But this time instead of stumbling around and looking sideways at her feet to see what she was doing, I was confident and knew the steps. Not only that, I went up and led two songs in a row!

She was reminding me that it has only been just over two years since I started to go to the Y. She knew that a couple of years ...

Thursday Tinkering

Thu, 2 May 2013 15:06:24 EST

That's what I'm doing all the time. Tinkering with my routines. Tinkering with my menu. Tinkering with my supplements. Tinkering with my exercise. I'm hoping that these small changes will start to make a real difference.

Lately I've been tinkering with my carb intake and it has made a difference in my numbers. I'm hoping that when the doctor does an A1C today that it will have made enough of a difference to show up.

I've also been tinkering with my stretching a...

Gearing Up for May

Wed, 1 May 2013 23:19:41 EST

I've done one free week of Sparks Coach. I'm not going to continue. I think it is excellent for someone who is new to Sparking but I've been using this site for 5 years and really do know all the tools etc. to use. And even the promise of being able to e-mail a coach if I pay for a subscription does not entice me because my problems are so unique and I've been told that the advice is more generic in quality. Again - fine for most people but not for someone who has been tracking her food r...

Constant Fight or Flight

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 11:48:41 EST

My body is stuck in constant fight or flight mode. It has been for years. I know that. I take an adrenal supplement for it. I eat an adrenal diet (little meals with protein and veggies at each meal - even breakfast). I try to stretch and relax. I think that stress is my biggest obstacle to losing weight. At least I hope it is because then perhaps I can do something about it.

My newest way to battle the fight-flight response - yes, I said "battle" - is to add B vitamins to my...

Help Me Navigate This Social Outing

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 15:01:12 EST

I'm getting together with (very old!) high school friends in a mini reunion tonight. We're getting together at a charity event - a sukiyaki dinner. The dinner is put on a plate and brought to you - white rice with beef and a few stir-fried veggies in broth. I can just not eat the rice, but that doesn't leave me a lot to eat. And I'm pre-diabetic so I do need to eat or my bloodsugar will crash. We're meeting from 4:45 to about 6:30 - 7ish. So I'm not sure that having a snack beforehand w...

Met A New Role Model

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 00:07:12 EST

I was talking to a Zumba instructor tonight after Zumba. She wasn't teaching the class but came just to dance with us. I was asking her about her own classes. As she was telling me what she does, she happened to mention that she is 65! 65! And she dances up a storm. Another Zumba instructor that I work with is 62 and dances circles around me as well. I want to be like them when I grow up.

Keeping a Knife to My Throat

Thu, 25 Apr 2013 21:28:26 EST

I've been thinking about this verse all day:

Proverbs 23:1-3

When you sit down to dine with a ruler,
Consider carefully what is before you,
And put a knife to your throat
If you are a man of great appetite.
Do not desire his delicacies,
For it is deceptive food.

No, I'm not planning to dine with a ruler anytime soon! But I have been trying to manage my appetite. It bothers me greatly that when I track my food, my calories and carbs a...

A Horrible Night = A Slower Day

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 20:20:17 EST

I had a horrible night last night. I had an adrenal crash last evening - could barely move to even get myself into bed. I was achy and wasn't looking forward to my bed. I wanted desperately to sleep but when I get like this my muscles tighten up and there is no comfortable position. But, miraculously I did get to sleep. Until about 2:47 when I heard a loud "The Battery is Low" announcement coming from "somewhere" in the room. It took me a good five minutes to finally locate this obnoxio...

Thinking Ahead

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 15:33:08 EST

I am teaching my 15 year old son to cook. He is actually quite good at it. But the part he really needs help on is thinking ahead. Since his sister has swimming on Tuesdays and Thursdays and they always schedule the lessons right during dinner cooking time, it has been a good opportunity to give him more cooking practice.

He has been hinting lately that he would like some lamb gyros. So this morning we looked at the ingredients and added the things we needed to the grocery li...

Today the Laundry Room, Tomorrow the World!

Mon, 22 Apr 2013 16:29:19 EST

Today I got one more step accomplished in my evil plan to take over my world (AKA my domain AKA my house). This weekend the children and I went to Home Depot and got shelves cut for the cabinets that my husband gave me for my laundry room. Then I nagged (AKA sweetly persuaded) my 15 year old son to install the shelves in the cabinets. Today, my 11 year old daughter and I cleaned out the cabinets and got them ready for use.

This was not easy. My daughter dislikes the smell of ...

Insomnia

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 08:05:36 EST

It is 5 am. I have been awake since 3:30ish. I have to get up in 3 hours. And then it is a busy day at church - where I have to sit and stay awake. I am so frustrated. I've gone to the bathroom - the original reason I woke up. I've stretched (or tried to stretch) my tight leg muscles that are hurting so much that they are keeping me awake. I took my magnesium and calcium before bed to help my muscles. I took Calms Forte - a homeopathic medicine that is supposed to relieve stress and t...

I Don't Wanna!

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 16:08:42 EST

It is Saturday. I don't have a full day of work but I do have some chores to do. And I don't wanna! But being an adult means doing things even when I don't want to do them.

I'm going to start by stretching. Yes, that is on my chore list. I'm really achy today and I'm hoping that the stretching will make that get better. Then I can attack the filing, laundry and kitchen cleaning that I need to do. Today is a rest day for exercise.

Look How Far I've Come

Thu, 18 Apr 2013 19:21:57 EST

I was at the chiropractor today and he reminded me of how far I've come in the past 4 years.

4 years ago this month, it took me 3 hours just to vacuum my normal-sized living room. I was in bed for two days afterward, to boot. Now I can vacuum and do other chores too. And while I might be a bit sore, I'm not in bed.

After I went to a specialist and got headed on the road to wellness, I started with a 30 min. postpartum exercise video. My kids seriously wanted to c...

Tackling Wednesday

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 20:15:15 EST

Today we had morning school at the library. Every Wednesday we reserve the study room where we can talk and interact without worrying about bothering other patrons. I got a lot of grading done in between teaching logic and language arts.

In the afternoon, after getting more schoolwork done, we worked outside in the yard. My forearms hurt after all the clipping I've been doing on branches.

I then took a nap. As is more common than not, I woke up in burning pain. I...

Tackling Tuesday

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 15:02:45 EST

Nothing special is going on today. It's the usual mix of school, chores, meals and exercise. We did make "stained glass cookies" this morning - sugar cookie dough rolled out, cut into shapes with holes in the middle. The holes are then sprinkled with crushed lifesavers. I was a bit disappointed to discover that all the colors melted into one reddish brown blob in the middle of all the cookies instead of the more defined stained glass effect shown in the pictures. I had one sugar cookie b...

Raw Veggies

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 16:28:51 EST

There are lots of raw veggies but these are my favorites:

the small cocktail cucumbers - mild taste and crisp!

jicama - I like these sliced into salads too

mixed greens - usually a spring mix of tender baby lettuces

baby spinach - this deserved a mention all on it's own

kale - as part of a green smoothie.

sugar snap peas - nice and sweet

carrots - I like the young tender ones the best.

zucchini, carrots an...

Be Anxious for Nothing

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 10:29:45 EST

These verses keep going through my head, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6 - 7

I'm becoming aware that I have this low level anxiety thing going on in the background much of the time. Some of that (I rationalize) is because with chronic illness, I never really...

Dehydration?

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:57:48 EST

I know that I tend to be chronically dehydrated. That is one of the reasons it is so hard for the nurse to get any blood out of me! I've been doing some reading about the chronic muscle tension I have as well as the extreme difficulty I have losing any weight despite good eating and exercising. Dehydration might be the key. Water is necessary for proper muscle function. And water is necessary for the body to release fat (who knew?) I'm going to focus even more on tracking my water. I'v...

I Wish. . .

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 11:35:30 EST

That I had a personal dietitian in my house making scrumptiously healthy meals.

That I could get all my tight muscles to actually release.

That all the diet and exercise would actually show up on the scale.

That every time I was proud of myself for an accomplishment that I didn't have at least one "helpful" person telling me how I could have done it even better.

That my husband wouldn't use up all my bananas as soon as I buy them!

That th...

Thursday's Blog

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:23:21 EST

Today is another busy day. (Isn't every day?)

My to - do list:

Clean kitchen- 1/2 way done.
Laundry - 1 load in washing machine.

Ship dd off to a playdate with her bff who moved two weeks ago. 248
Shop for two birthday gifts on my way home. 248

Continue to work on my huge filing project. I am done shredding a banker's box worth of old records. I have emptied the banker's box of papers that has been sitting ...

Wednesday's Blog that Never Ends

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 10:22:09 EST

I have an online group that tackles the day with me. The site we go to is down. So I'm going to put my to-do list here and tackle it a bit at a time. The accountability helps me more than just simply jotting it down on a piece of paper.

Clean the kitchen - Dishwasher is running. I still need to handwash some knives and my wok.

Put in a load of laundry (or two)

Drop kids off for academic testing. 248

Continue to work on filing. ...

Friends and Allies

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 05:29:07 EST

I talked to a friend yesterday. The delightful thing was that she was also an ally. The truth is, friends aren't always allies - not because they want to be enemies, but because they don't know how to help.

This friend "got it". She understood and didn't try to explain away what I'm going through right now. She also understood some of the temptations I'm facing right now to give up, to become bitter, to layer on false guilt.

This friend also gave me perspective...

Distractions

Tue, 9 Apr 2013 23:20:37 EST

I'm in a particularly virulent flare. The thing about chronic pain is that it often doesn't matter what you do - change of position doesn't affect it, resting doesn't affect it. For today at least, medicine hasn't affected it either. I've been "pushing through" today. This isn't as intense as it sounds. Pushing through it is a slow steady plod through my day. And it isn't as noble as it sounds. Keeping busy is a distraction. Counting the seconds as I complete a task is a distraction. ...

"You Deserve This"

Mon, 8 Apr 2013 11:25:32 EST

A long time ago a woman who I thought of as a mentor told me that I deserved to have fibro because I push myself to have an active and involved life. It was the single most hurtful thing that anyone has ever said to me. Recently a good friend was joking around and said something very similar. It obviously was a joke but it felt like a slap. I hid my reaction and haven't told her how I feel. I need to talk to her soon but am trying to figure out what I think and feel first.

I'v...

Tired in My Soul

Sun, 7 Apr 2013 22:45:27 EST

I'm starting another flare. My body hasn't recovered from it's last muscle problem. There isn't anything else that I can take that I'm not already taking.

I did two hours of Feldenkrais therapeutic movement today. The class is well taught. But now I'm in pain. You're supposed to not do any movements that cause pain but I don't feel pain when I'm doing the movements. I feel it afterward. I also have a detox type of reaction after most classes. The good thing is that other ...

Saturday - a day of rest and work

Sat, 6 Apr 2013 14:43:53 EST

Today is a rest day for my body. It is also a stretch day for my legs. My ankle feels a bit better this morning but I have definite tightness all down my leg that is pulling my ankle out of alignment. Time to focus on that before it gets worse.

Today is also the end of my first week of the Diabetic Weight Loss Challenge. I wish that I had some weight loss to report. But by focusing on tracking my food and sugars, my blood sugar has been under control all week.

Today...

Friday Mish-Mash

Fri, 5 Apr 2013 20:50:46 EST

I'm tired and my fibro is flaring. I've pushed through as many chores as I could. I really didn't want to come to Zumba tonight. That is unusual. But Friday nights have been the worse for teen drama and after two months of dealing with it, I'm so tired of it. But the instructor is counting on my help. I wish that I didn't have such a finely tuned sense of duty, sometimes. Sorry if I sound a bit grumpy and down.

I was wondering if this latest flare could be matched up with th...

I'm So Excited!

Thu, 4 Apr 2013 23:25:06 EST

I cannot eat pasta because of what it does to my blood sugars. Someone told me about higher protein pasta. So today I decided to look for some and to give it a try. I found the Barilla Plus brand. I tried some tonight. Not a whole lot but enough to satisfy. And my blood sugars are great two hours later!

Living Intentionally

Thu, 4 Apr 2013 01:56:36 EST

I'm sure people mean different things when they say this. For me, right now, this means making intentional decisions that help me succeed and proceed in life, instead of being a slave to food, cravings, pain or fatigue. Some things (the pain and fatigue) are something I only have a tiny bit of control over. But I can choose how to handle the pain and how to react in the face of it.

My food choices have been very good this week. And my blood sugars have reflected that. Every ti...

My Achin' Back

Tue, 2 Apr 2013 16:17:47 EST

My poor back has been through so much in the last two weeks. First, it was doing a lot of work as we were moving my ILs over a week and a half. Then I tripped and fell very hard during the move, undoubtedly jarring my back. Then today I was leaning over to put something in the dishwasher and couldn't straighten up again. I am in loads of pain. I immediately got in to the chiropractor who said that it was not my spine but my back muscles. I have trouble with muscles contracting and not r...

Tackling Problems without Food

Mon, 1 Apr 2013 17:20:35 EST

Today is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. I would move to Australia, but I've heard that they have terrible, horrible, no good, very bad snakes and spiders.

Do you want to hear my wail? Too bad, if you're reading this because here it comes! The biggest thing is that our main toilet is clogged. After ds had been having tummy trouble. I've plunged, I've snaked, I've augered (basically the same thing as snaked but I was on a roll), I've even added some hot water and...

Easter Musings

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 22:13:55 EST

I'm glad that we have a special day when we can focus on the wonderful truth that Jesus Christ really did rise from the dead. Without that, all I believed would be in vain. My ds reminded me though that this isn't something to just remember at this time of year. We should remember it every day.

On a practical health/weight loss front, I'm plugging along trying to make good decisions. I added back adrenal adaptogens which have hypoglycemic attributes for two reasons - 1. to hel...

Going out with "the Gang"

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 17:10:13 EST

Today was a good Zumba day. I helped lead three songs. To be honest, the last one was by accident. The instructor just called me up there again because when I started to go back to my spot, there was no spot there for me to dance anymore!

Afterward I was invited to go out to lunch with the "Zumba gang" - ie. the instructors. I'm not an instructor but I help out enough that I'm getting to know them well. I hope I made good lunch choices. I'll know in an hour when I test my b...

Life Takes So Much Energy

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 20:58:23 EST

Today I was on a roll. I had a good rest yesterday and felt pretty good today. Today was one of those rare no pain days too - or at least just a mild achiness day. Today was also a vacation from school and from all the extended family obligations. With my children's help I got two loads of laundry folded and put away. And I washed and dried 4 loads of laundry at last count. I also did an hour of lesson planning and got some really good things for a unit on medieval art. And then I wor...

Trying to Regroup

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 17:29:01 EST

Last Thursday was a long day of "kidnapping" MIL, and taking care of her while FIL supervised the movers.

Friday was a 9 hour day of packing boxes and moving them an hour away to the the ILs new house.

Saturday was another 9 hour day of the same.

Sunday was an 11 hour day of church, church cleaning and moving the ILs.

Monday was a 9 hour day of moving the ILs.

Tuesday I collapsed in exhaustion.

Wednesday I put in another 11 hou...

Eleven Hour Day

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 01:09:01 EST

We left the house at 10 am this morning. We got home at 9:15 tonight. It was back and forth from the ILs old house, where we are still trying to pack 25 years of clutter into boxes and move it to a too small new house. Dh and Ds15 both worked like work horses today moving stuff like refrigerators. I'm struggling a bit with my attitude about all of this. Some of my attitude problems are due to sheer exhaustion even though I did take the day off yesterday. Some of my attitude problems are...

A "Melty" Day

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 02:11:57 EST

This is what my kids called it when I told them that for the first time in 5 days we would have a day off from helping the ILs move. I hit a huge exhaustion wall last night and told my husband that I would need a day off today to recuperate. And boy, was I right. I could barely drag myself out of bed after 9 am this morning. I never ever sleep in that late. And even then it was all I could do to make breakfast. I didn't even change clothes until almost noon.

The kids had to...